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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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In a relationship and I don't want to cheat but I want to fool around with other people! Do other people feel this too?
Q. Hey everyone. So I love my boyfriend, we have been dating for almost 2 years and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna marry him when we get out of college and stuff (I'm 18, he's 20). But have any of you ever wanted to just fool around with other people? Just ...
A. 11 June 2012: Again, dear OP if you don’t know then you can’t say you want to marry him… what you can say is I DON’T KNOW!
Being sexually attracted to other guys for a woman in love means you see an attractive man and think “he’s attractive I’d do him” but ... (read in full...)
My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance
Q. First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...
A. 25 April 2012: Why would you miss him? He's cruel and he's nasty?
Do you miss having a cold?
Do you miss a broken leg?
see how he fits in your life... he's a PAIN....... (read in full...)
My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance
Q. First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...
A. 24 April 2012: OP, a good wife is a HAPPY wife… if you are happy with your hair GREAT… if you are miserable you will continue to be miserable, the kids will be miserable and it won’t matter that he’s unhappy…
I think no matter what you do he won’t be happy so... (read in full...)
How do I know he loves me when he doesn't call?
Q. How do i know he loves me when he don't even bother to call me. He says he love,but i do the calling always and each time i call he always tell me he has no money to buy credit. Please readers advice me. Did he really love me and how do i know he ...
A. 23 April 2012: What people say and what people do are two different things.
saying "I love you" means nothing if they don't show you they love you...
if you have no reason from past relationships to doubt him and yet you do, that's a good sign that your g... (read in full...)
How do I convince him? we are in a long distance relationship!
Q. Well, there is this guy I really like (and have for quite a long time) and turns out, he likes me back. But thing is, we're already living in different cities (he's studying at university in the capital, and I'm still at school), and as I'm ...
A. 23 April 2012: You can't convince him.... sadly some people know their limitations and he may not want to get into a relationship that is as self limiting as the one you propose...
I know that given the option to have a local partner vs a long distance rel... (read in full...)
What ways can a girl lie about her virginity?
Q. Hello to all, I'm new member in this site and i think it's very helpful and useful. I got a question, in which ways can a girl lie to her bf for her virginity.( i'm male, just asking 'cuz i'm curious)Thank you....
A. 23 April 2012: She says 'I'm a virgin, I swear it' but it's not true....
what else do you need???
truthfully most girls who are active as children (running, jumping climbing, biking, gymnastics, horseback riding) TAMPON using... don't have hymens a... (read in full...)
How did you meet your special someone?
Q. How did you guys/girls here meet your special someone, if you currently have someone, or did in the past? I've been attracted to many girls in my life and obsessed over a few, but never really pursued anyone. All of the ...
A. 23 April 2012: Met my first husband in college at the Jewish Student Association for local colleges… interestingly enough he’s very much like my current partner so I might have been on to something back then..
Met husbands 2 and 3 online one through a message ... (read in full...)
Problem with girlfriend's past?
Q. So here's the issue. I am 18 and my girlfriend is 24, about to be 25. We met on a joke app (Funny Jokes) and found out we lived a couple hours away so we just started texting each other. Then we started Skyping and added each other on Facebook. And ...
A. 23 April 2012: If her past bothers you then you should end it.
no matter how much you love her if you can't cope with her past then it will color your future.
better to leave in the early stages then try to work it out and end it in an ugly angry manner lat... (read in full...)
My 19 year old sister is planning on having sex with a 51 year old man she met on the internet!
Q. Ok I will just admit it....I found my sister's email acct password and I snooped. So looking through everything I find all these messsages from a man she met online...theres a ton of them, it starts out with them basically getting to know each ...
A. 23 April 2012: There really is not a lot you can do....
sadly if it does not work out (and i doubt it will)
your sister will have a live and learn experience. she may regret it years down the road but there is NOTHING you can do now... she's an adult technic... (read in full...)
I want to meet older women
Q. Hello Im not quite sure how to structure this but here goes. I have an attraction to older women sort of 27 to 35 kind of age. And i want to explore this but im not quite sure how or even if it is a good idea. Where can i go too meet older women...
A. 23 April 2012: Personally, OP, I find that younger men who are looking for older women for just sex do NOT get a good reception by the population they are targeting.
I know that folks later on, find out what age range works for them but to actually TARGET a... (read in full...)
What is your opinion on a 25 year age gap ?
Q. Is it too much ? Because for the past 2 years i have been really attracted to someone who is 25 years older . I am not looking for 'the father figure' or he isn't looking for 'sex' . But would it be stupid for us to try and date? Is the gap just too ...
A. 23 April 2012: 25 years can work but in this case I vote no.
As a woman who is 13+ years older than her partner (I'm 52 he's 38) I can tell you that the older partner SHOULD worry that they are too old and will drag the younger partner down.
At 40-48 I wa... (read in full...)
Should we swing with our friends?
Q. A few months ago I asked for advice about me and my wife having a 3some with my best friend.The opinion was that it was a no no,so me and my wife shelved it and decided that if we do try it we will book a hotel and a pro male escort to 'test the ...
A. 21 April 2012: FORGIVE HER? for swinging? if you think forgiveness comes into play you have no clue what swinging is about...
AND if your WIFE said NO there is nothing you can do...
Swinging will NOT save a marriage.
Swinging will ruin a rocky relati... (read in full...)
He's stopped going down on me! What can I do?
Q. Hey there! I've been with my fiancé for a year now and we will get married in the Fall. I love him deeply and so does he. One little thing is bothering me though... at the beginning of our relationship he went down on me a lot and then he stopped. ...
A. 20 April 2012: CHIGIRL as usual is very very wise and very correct...
... (read in full...)
Should we swing with our friends?
Q. A few months ago I asked for advice about me and my wife having a 3some with my best friend.The opinion was that it was a no no,so me and my wife shelved it and decided that if we do try it we will book a hotel and a pro male escort to 'test the ...
A. 20 April 2012: As a former swinger I can assure you that the fantasy is much hotter than the reality.
I left a swinger marriage for the man I am with now... we choose to be monogamous because I know that swinging is not all it's cracked up to be and we were ver... (read in full...)
In a relationship and I don't want to cheat but I want to fool around with other people! Do other people feel this too?
Q. Hey everyone. So I love my boyfriend, we have been dating for almost 2 years and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna marry him when we get out of college and stuff (I'm 18, he's 20). But have any of you ever wanted to just fool around with other people? Just ...
A. 20 April 2012: Honey if you want to "fool around with other people" "just to get it out of your system" you should NOT be thinking of marriage with this man....
you are very young... you started dating when you were not yet even an adult (16 is young even if ... (read in full...)
He's stopped going down on me! What can I do?
Q. Hey there! I've been with my fiancé for a year now and we will get married in the Fall. I love him deeply and so does he. One little thing is bothering me though... at the beginning of our relationship he went down on me a lot and then he stopped. ...
A. 20 April 2012: If you don't like giving him blow jobs then you tell him that it's really not your thing and don't do them.
And tell him exactly what YouWish has said.
Personally I hate the whole "I'll do you IF you do me thing" but in this case since NEITH... (read in full...)
What kind of guys are likely to be interested in me? My husband wants a divorce. Feels tough right now.
Q. Hi everyone need some positive advice. I have just turned 40 and my husband has left me and wants a divorce - we don't have any children. I am feeling numb and empty but we have had a bad marriage for a long time. However I am worried that I a...
A. 19 April 2012: I'm 52. I look 52. I'm divorced with two grown children one of whom is disabled... I am engaged to a 38 yr old man who thankfully does NOT want children...
YOU are not on the shelf... 40 is young and vibrant...
I think that before you wo... (read in full...)
I'm overweight and meeting my LDR boyfriend for the first time, how do I prepare myself for rejection?
Q. I've been in an LDR for about 6 months and next month, he's coming to my country to meet me. I'm very fat and from the very beginning, I made sure he knew that. I mentioned it and even sent him full-length photographs so that he knew exactly how I ...
A. 19 April 2012: OP, please try to not worry...
I can tell you also that the man I am with now was NOT physically appealing to me at first... it was his brain that attracted me to him.... and yet now the thought of him.... well, lets just say he is now my type ... (read in full...)
My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance
Q. First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...
A. 19 April 2012: You say you are afraid of him cheating....
why do you want to stay with a man who is so abusive and cruel? Do you want your child growing up thinking this is the way to treat your most cherished loved one?
Your body is NOT flawed. it's re... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to love me again?
Q. My boyfriend and i are together 3 years he is 44 and i am 42. Basically he became good friends with a woman for about a 2 years ago. he helped her settle into our country they were friends and now he is telling me he is in love with her and he c...
A. 19 April 2012: This is not the girl's fault and there is nothing you can do to change his feelings to be honest....
The big issue is that he wants children and you do not.
So even if it's not this particular woman, he will need to go find a woman who WANTS ... (read in full...)
My friend stares at my wife, and she tends to touch him and dress sexily when he is around, yet I know she dislikes him as a person! What should I make of all this?
Q. Hello people ! My problem is a bit complex. me and my wife are happily married for 10yrs and love each other a lot.I also have a good friend whom we both have known since childhood. Often he comes to our home with his wife and kid for dinner. But ...
A. 16 April 2012: I agree with YouWish and Honeypie... I think your fantasy might color how you see things...... (read in full...)
Why does a man go off of sex?
Q. why does a man suddenly go off sex, the first year was the best, now nothing for 4 months, is it possible to have a relationship without, i am getting through a lot of batteries lol...
A. 16 April 2012: what's changed in the relationship besides sex?
did you move in together?
did he lose or get a job?
illness?
injury?
is he your age?
HAVE YOU ASKED HIM what's going on?... (read in full...)
When does anal stimulation/sex feel better?
Q. I have a question for the ladies, do you feel more comfortable with anal stimulation and anal sex after you have an orgasm? Or is it better before, in state of higher arousal?...
A. 16 April 2012: if I'm really hot I might like it now and again but once I've orgasmed I'm done don't touch me...
you need to ask the partner...
you need to be more aware that anal play is not for everyone and there is no natural lube there.... not ev... (read in full...)
How do I help my friend? He has lots of problems and is homeless....
Q. hi people. i have a friend who graduated from uni in 2011 and recenetly i've got to know him better (i graduate this year 2012). it turns out he has problems, financially especially. he's homeless (lives at uni during the day and sleeps in the 24...
A. 16 April 2012: Cerberus is right... YOU do nothing.
His behavior is not normal, even for a regular cannabis smoker...
sounds to me like he needs a psych eval and some meds to control his irrational thoughts.
he may be using the cannabis as self medicat... (read in full...)
25 year old friend of mine having sex with a 16 year old, is this wrong?
Q. Short question for you all. A male friend of mine is 25.He is dating a 16-year old girl,and they are having sex. I can't help but think it's wrong.Am I totally out of line??...
A. 16 April 2012: Well it depends on why he's having sex with her...
if he really is immature enough that she likes him and he really cares about her... it's a bit much but as many has said where you live it's not illegal although here in the USA he would go to ... (read in full...)
How can I lessen the huge amount of anger towards my father and the woman he had an affair with?
Q. Hi, i'm 15 years old, and recently discovered my dad is having an affair. I HATE HIM! How the fuck could he do this to my mom and our family! I found out when my mom found out, and my parents don't believe in hiding things from me and my siblings. ...
A. 16 April 2012: Your mom is a gem!
I am glad you are going to therapy....
I hope that each day gets better for you....
... (read in full...)
Would you trust this man?
Q. Would you trust a boyfriend with 2 kids from 2 different women? ...
A. 16 April 2012: The follow up tells me a lot…. He has no emotional connection to a child he pays for and has an emotional connection to a child he does not pay for….. that he gave up for adoption.
The fact that he has two kids with two different mothers ... (read in full...)
Fiance has lost her trust in me because I sext other women
Q. I need some advice, Me and my fiance have been together for nearly 2 years and we have been fine. However, there have been times where for some reason I would sext other women. I can't say for sure why I did it, I just did. When she found out ab...
A. 16 April 2012: IF you are 21 and have been together for 2 years that means you have been with her since you were 19. If you sext other women and ‘can’t say for sure why you did it” you are NOT ready to be in a committed relationship (which is normal and a good ... (read in full...)
I'm overweight and meeting my LDR boyfriend for the first time, how do I prepare myself for rejection?
Q. I've been in an LDR for about 6 months and next month, he's coming to my country to meet me. I'm very fat and from the very beginning, I made sure he knew that. I mentioned it and even sent him full-length photographs so that he knew exactly how I ...
A. 16 April 2012: IF you sent him pictures and you were HONEST about your weight then you need to relax a bit.
He may be one of those wonderful men who does not see your weight... he may be a man who prefers a full figured woman.... you would be amazed at how m... (read in full...)
Really unhappy in this relationship, is it just me? Or is he actually treating me badly?
Q. So ive been with my current bf a year and this is my first serious relationship and we live together. He however is a divorcee who has been in several committed realtionships. (He is a decade older than me.) Ive been seriously debating whether...
A. 16 April 2012: As a supporter of age gap relationships I can tell you that this one is not a good idea. I don’t think its really the age difference as much as how he treats you. And perhaps he treats you the way he does because he views you as young… which is ... (read in full...)
My wife has one foot out the door. What should I do?
Q. I feel my wife of 20 years has one foot out the door. Over the last year or so she has developed a lot of her own friendships, started going out a lot, and when we go out with others, she has become quite the party girl- bouncing from one person to ...
A. 15 April 2012: I have a different option...
sit down and TALK to her about what's going on.
ASK her if she is unhappy.
Ask her if there is anything you can do to fix what's wrong...
Consider couples counseling...
doing anything without discussing i... (read in full...)
Translations please of guy-speak? Not sure what my Bf is implying.
Q. Guys, what does it mean when a guy says you are amazing as a girlfriend, but when you try to be pretty you are stunning but when you don't try your blehh? What does this mean in guy speak?...
A. 15 April 2012: agreed...
agreed...
agreed....
he's a jerk that's what he means.
find a man who finds you at your most loveliest with your hair a mess in the morning... and sleep in your eyes...... (read in full...)
Would you trust this man?
Q. Would you trust a boyfriend with 2 kids from 2 different women? ...
A. 15 April 2012: what else is going on?
does he not take responsibility for these children?
does he allege he was tricked into getting these women pregnant?
why is his parenting with two different women such a red flag for you?
... (read in full...)
Is it normal to keep lots of pics of your ex?
Q. Is it normal to keep pics of your exes? i mean lots of pics, naked, underwear shots, normal pics. Im not sure he is over these ex girlfriends!...
A. 15 April 2012: i have them sometimes but when i find them after years i tend to toss them.
if he has them and still looks at them regularly I'd be concerned... but if they are put away "in a box"
then I'd not be concerned ... (read in full...)
How do you initiate morning sex?
Q. How do you initiate morning sex? I always notice my fiance has morning glory like any healthy man but I have never had morning sex with him as I have to wake up about 2 hours before him for work. He comes home for a week or so in a few days and I ...
A. 15 April 2012: Well for us yesterday was my waking him and saying "assume the position" because he's too ticklish for my preferred methods
cuddle up behind him...
snake your arm around his middle
kiss shoulders
grind hips into his tush
kiss neck
kis... (read in full...)
Are there men out there that are just mean to their kids for no reason?
Q. I have been with my man 7 years we have two kids. Sometimes he is really mean to them yells at them for nothing an cussin at them. Other days he can be super dad I tell him it's not fair I have to watch my children go through that I tell him he ...
A. 15 April 2012: he sounds like he just doesn't have coping skills.
can you take parenting classes together to help him learn?
... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 15 April 2012: Yep what Cerberus says
he won't mind that you look at porn or get off on it.
and just because you have two kids with a man does not mean you have to stay in a marriage....... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's 14 year old brother acts very creepy!
Q. My girlfriend's 14 year old brother acts very weird around her. When on car rides he will lean his head on her shoulder and tell her how he loves her in a strange, kind of lonely way. He still kisses his mom on the lips and will go into my ...
A. 15 April 2012: Yep he sounds very Aspie to me....
I have a 28 yr old son who lives in a group home but before we have new friends meet him we WARN them about his social issues...
... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 15 April 2012: When women could afford to stay home and make homemaking a full time job then yes it made sense that she did it all like June Cleaver...
IF you want the 1950s again.. then make enough money to support your family and have her have one job.
... (read in full...)
I usually have high standards, so why am I into this average looking girl?
Q. Usually I have very high standards (it takes a fair amount of beauty to get a 8-10 mental rating from me), but I have recently met this girl who I would have never looked twice at in the street and I don't know why I am so taken with her...?...
A. 15 April 2012: Because she cast a spell on you....
said as a joke, to some extent but truthfully that's what love is all about.
she may not be a ten to some but clearly you are smitten with her and that makes her a ten to you....... (read in full...)
Please help! My three year old is pushing me away!
Q. i have a three year old daughter. soon to be four. shes such a sweetie and she helps me around the house, helps me grocery shop , she even helped me plant my garden :). im due for my second child in less than a week. And latley its like she'd rather ...
A. 15 April 2012: She's getting to the stage where she wants to be with Daddy... and sees you as a rival. IT's normal.... it's part of her healthy pyscho-sexual development.
... (read in full...)
Together a month and he keeps telling me I am offending him!
Q. hi, ive been with my boyfreind for a month now and i love him, but we have different views about things that are important to us like religion. he keeps bringing it up, and saying that im the one that offending him. im just wondering if a r...
A. 14 April 2012: if after a month he is offended and you disagree on fundamental things like religion I doubt in the long run this will work out.... (read in full...)
Guys, are women with big boobs more 'valuable' than the rest of us?
Q. I was talking to my BF and he said that he was more inclined to treat a woman with big boobs with more care, respect and spoil her than a woman with smaller boobs. Of course I have a small B cup, and I asked him why he was with me. He said that I ...
A. 14 April 2012: Of course not.
Your bf is full of it.
Not all men value women based on breast size.
"More than a mouthful is a waste" say some.
go ahead and leave him... he's wrong.... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 13 April 2012: "I don't expect my wife to sew a button more than twice a year either, but it is shocking that she has no idea how to do that."
OP, why don't you sew your own buttons on? why is that women's work? My partner knows how to cook a bit... so do... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 12 April 2012: We are ALL losing these skills.
I don't have a single husband in my past that was handy with a hammer or screwdriver.
I hate cleaning and laundry but so does my partner.
Traditional roles have changed for men and women
we now have com... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 20 January 2012: There is NOTHING wrong with the OP! NOTHING aT ALL.
There are just differing views on what is and is not acceptable.
I happen to be a rare minority. I have no issues with porn nor do I have issues with sharing my partner as long as permissi... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 20 January 2012: Banshee I am not sure what porn you are watching but none of that is what's being watched at our home.
Granted it's not love, flowers and romance and it's not soft porn, but there's no bondage, no abuse being portrayed...
occasional bu... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 19 January 2012: I'm female and 51 years old my partner is 38 and male.
He watches porn
I have and will watch it with him.
I am pretty sure that when we watch it's not for the women but for the act.
as to what you should do... if it's a deal breaker ... (read in full...)
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