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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 15 April 2012: When women could afford to stay home and make homemaking a full time job then yes it made sense that she did it all like June Cleaver...
IF you want the 1950s again.. then make enough money to support your family and have her have one job.
... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 13 April 2012: "I don't expect my wife to sew a button more than twice a year either, but it is shocking that she has no idea how to do that."
OP, why don't you sew your own buttons on? why is that women's work? My partner knows how to cook a bit... so do... (read in full...)
Do I confront my wife about her cheating or just file for a divorce?
Q. i have discovered that my wife of six years is having an online affair,as if thats not bad enough the third party involved mentions in his emails about my children being as his own children and says they will all be together as a new family soon,i ...
A. 12 April 2012: I too am sorry for this mess.
Please talk to an attorney first before you make any decisions.... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 12 April 2012: We are ALL losing these skills.
I don't have a single husband in my past that was handy with a hammer or screwdriver.
I hate cleaning and laundry but so does my partner.
Traditional roles have changed for men and women
we now have com... (read in full...)
Are there any men they do not use pornography in a relationship?
Q. Are there any men here who don't use pornography in a relationship? I would absolutely love knowing they weren't looking at anyone else. I don't even know why they still do it and thinks it's normal to still look when they are getting sex. Men want ...
A. 12 April 2012: I am a woman who does not mind porn. I know men that do not look at porn but most do.
I know one man who prefers written word as porn (fanzines come to mind) to pictures but it's still porn right??
My last partner used porn
my current par... (read in full...)
Why does my ex refuse to accept he is abusive?
Q. Why does my ex still deny his abuse towards me? My.ex and I have been split up for 5 months we had been together 8 yrs but to me was a bad relationship, he hadn't know really what he wanted, although 43, he never made a commitment to me or our ...
A. 12 April 2012: you don't get along with him you ignore him. have no contact with him. IF he sees the children have it set up so that someone else drops them off and picks them up. Have the CS done through a lawyer...
you don't need him to accept his bad beha... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and I don't have much time together because he is always doing things for his mom
Q. I am in a relationship with a guy who lives with his elderly mum ,sometimes it feels like we don't have much time alone together ,she gets him doing jobs around the house .I see him every 3 weeks ,he did say we could go away together soon ,but now ...
A. 12 April 2012: naw I would end it..
you only see him every 3 weeks..
he's too tied to his mom....
and a holiday with his mom would have you tagging behind.
... (read in full...)
Should I press charges because she uploaded a photo of us on facebook?
Q. Hi. I'm new, here. Last week, I have had a photograph of me with a female friend. I thought she would NOT post the photograph on the internet. However, just yesterday, I check her Facebook, just to see her photo album, as she mentionned a nea...
A. 12 April 2012: I do not think you can press charges against her.
you could ask her to take it down if it bothers you that much...... (read in full...)
Fiance owes too much money to ex and expects me to pay. How much is too much?
Q. Problems..... My fiancee (50) has just been served with a bill of $30,000 that he owed his ex on their divorce some 9 years ago. Due to ill health and circumstances he has not paid her and now she is peruing it.Their son of 15, visits in holidays ...
A. 12 April 2012: OH dear...
stop paying his way
it is NOT your responsibility to pay his child support and you should not pay his bills.
He can live with you if you want but you cannot and should not cover his expenses or bills...
I get helpin... (read in full...)
My g/f sees a man once and week and he pays her bills. Do I believe her that there is nothing sexual?
Q. I got a girlfriend that sees a man once week and he pays her bills. and she says all they do is go out to eat and be his friend, but she swears on her kids life they dont do anything sexual. she says she loves me and i need to stop worrying about ...
A. 12 April 2012: ask to go with her and meet her friend....
she sees him once a week
they have dinner
he pays her bills
how long does dinner last?
honey methinks she's a liar... and I am sure that he is getting something sexual in return... maybe ... (read in full...)
Can't deal with your lover's sexual past? Why not leave her / him if they have different morals to you?
Q. Hi guys AND girls, I've read a lot on DC about retroactive jealousy, or "his / her sexual past", and people having problems with it. Some very smart people here have made some very good suggestions on how to deal with it. The thing is, that i...
A. 12 April 2012: How in the world is the OCD/irrational behavior associated with RJ a male trait?
what trait are you trying to associate it with and make it a positive?
how in the world is RJ about effective reproduction.
IF RJ was a male trait then wouldn... (read in full...)
Why do some girls look hot smoking and others don't?
Q. Why is it some girls can look sexy when they smoke and others just look chavvy and it's a turn off? When i'm out I see girls smoking all the time, but I don't like smokers I find them disgusting (the smoking). And it makes even the most beautiful ...
A. 12 April 2012: I think YouWish nailed it.... (read in full...)
Does it sound likes these 2 rommates were more than just roommates?
Q. Hi. Knowing these facts about someone, would you believe they had sex (between a male and a female): First off, the let's say person A, is a usually a very honest person, hates condoning bad behaviour or mindsets and is shown everyday t...
A. 12 April 2012: I'm sorry I agree with Cindy... whether or not they were sleeping together does not matter... Person A is a liar and a manipulative user.
... (read in full...)
Event Etiquette Help Please! Husbands event vs. Baby shower?
Q. I'm in a slight bind here. Looking for some wisdom regarding event etiquette. Ok, which event should i attend? My fiance and I area marrying in September. Part of the premarital requirement is going through the sacrament of confirmation which ...
A. 12 April 2012: call your friend and explain that your bonehead fiance got the date wrong and you have to be there for his confirmation on the same date.
tell her how sorry you are....
I HATE baby showers. I don't believe in them and I have had many friends... (read in full...)
How do I deal with this guy whose 9years older than me?
Q. Hi I was with a lad one night and I met up with him a while after. Im 18 and he is like 9 years older than me, we havent met up since, but we still text and he does ask me to meet up with him again, but I keep saying no. I do like him but am I mad ...
A. 11 April 2012: no never meet a man regardless of his age who only wants sex.... (read in full...)
Why does he press on my bladder area during foreplay?
Q. Hi, My new partner likes to press down on my bladder area just above the bikini line during foreplay but this really makes me want to pee. Is there any reason why a man would like to do this? I'm so worried I will eventually pee on him but I als...
A. 11 April 2012: well in that case dear, I suggest you ask HIM why
I know that sometimes when men (and it's not just one or two who I have had it happen with) would insert their fingers into my vagina... the would use their THUMB in the crease of my leg (where t... (read in full...)
Can't deal with your lover's sexual past? Why not leave her / him if they have different morals to you?
Q. Hi guys AND girls, I've read a lot on DC about retroactive jealousy, or "his / her sexual past", and people having problems with it. Some very smart people here have made some very good suggestions on how to deal with it. The thing is, that i...
A. 11 April 2012: Cerberus,
With all due respect (and trust me sir I have a GREAT deal of respect for you and your wise words) I had NEVER heard of or dealt with RJ until DC. I have a degree in Psych and it was never a topic of discussion in my studies… Perh... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is obsessed with my ex and is now asking me to compare her to my ex in every way, physically, mentally, sexually. Is this weird?
Q. girlfriend obsessed with exes, attacks me verbally. ive been with this girl for almost 11 monthes. some days she begins to think about my ex, she goes on her twitter page, facebook etc. . .then she brings her up at least 4 times a week telling m...
A. 11 April 2012: she sounds VERY insecure.
what happens when you tell her that her behavior is unacceptable?
... (read in full...)
He helped me through my divorce but I don't think this relationship is working, should I tell him straight and leave the relationship?
Q. I've divorced my controlling husband after 20 years. I've met this man and he helped me while I went through my divorce. I know from start he is not right but he persuade me to give it a go as he is 16 years older than me. Two years on Im 51 and ...
A. 11 April 2012: if you are not happy then by all means end the relationship.
... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 19, is it inappropriate for us to be together?
Q. Hi me and my boyfriend have been going out for about a month and a half, and it's going wonderfully, I think I am falling for him. The problem is, we get a lot of judgement due to our ages, he is 19 and I am 16. So he has got a job, and I am at ...
A. 11 April 2012: my father was 19 and my mom 16 when they went on their first (blind) date...
if your parents are ok with it
and you and the bf are happy then what the friends say does not matter...... (read in full...)
I love wearing briefs, am I the only one who does this?
Q. Hey all. Am nearly 15 and am gay. I love wearing briefs. But if anyone found out i wear them they would take the mick. So i wear boxers over them. What i want to know is am i the only one who does this or used to do this. Cheers. Xx =)...
A. 11 April 2012: you can wear boxers over briefs.. it will be very WARM on hotter days...
but what you need to do is learn to do what makes YOU comfortable and everyone else can SHUT UP....
you have to learn to live your life to make yourself happy as long as... (read in full...)
Do girls shave their pubes when they have sex?
Q. I'm a virgin still at the age of 19, I've had plenty of flings but I'm waiting for that right guy to lose it to, and I reckon it will be soon. One thing - do girls shave their pubes when they have sex? I know this sounds ridiculous but i...
A. 11 April 2012: some shave
some wax
some leave natural
some trim
it's a personal preference.
best advice if you are hairy... at bare minimum trim nicely...
if you want to be bare I recommend waxing to shaving.... (read in full...)
I think we have lost our physical connection, should I break up with her?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now and I don't like the way things are going. We haven't had sex in the last 30 days, and before that it was once every two weeks. Also every time I hug her I feel like she doesn't really mean it, ...
A. 11 April 2012: if you are not feeling it you are not feeling it.
if you have talked about it and cannot resolve the problem then I think it's best to leave.... (read in full...)
I love wearing briefs, am I the only one who does this?
Q. Hey all. Am nearly 15 and am gay. I love wearing briefs. But if anyone found out i wear them they would take the mick. So i wear boxers over them. What i want to know is am i the only one who does this or used to do this. Cheers. Xx =)...
A. 11 April 2012: My fiance wears boxer briefs.... longer legs tighter crotch so "ralph and the boys" have a home...
if you like briefs you can wear them but you don't have to wear tighty whiteys... get colored ones...... (read in full...)
I really want a tattoo of my deceased ex boyfriend's name but my friends think its a bad idea
Q. Okay, basically my ex boyfriend died in december, we had been broken up a couple months before he died but he was my first true love and never got over it and when he died it just tore me up even more. I feel like I've lost apart of me. I really ...
A. 11 April 2012: HORRID IDEA... do NOT do it.
I have a tattoo that I have to have reworked... it's not my ex's name but it alludes to him and my current partner has asked me to have it removed and I will....
NEVER put anyone's name or image on your body..... (read in full...)
Married lover has developed fantasies of us getting caught in the act
Q. My married lover lately has mentioned these fantasies where we are caught in the act by her (female) roommate, that roommate's boyfriend, or even her husband. Sometimes we act them out and she gets very, very turned on. She will cum for me (hard...
A. 11 April 2012: I'm sure it's fantasy.... what would the point be of getting caught?
... (read in full...)
Will having only one testicle affect my sex life?
Q. t have one testicle . would it affect my sexual life. I am 23 years old and virgin guy....
A. 11 April 2012: It's best to ask your doctor this question. but just like women with ONE ovary can conceive and bear a child I am sure men with one testicle can have an active sex life and impregnate a woman.
did you lose it due to illness or accident or was i... (read in full...)
I can't believe he's flirting with other girls again!
Q. I'm pretty upet at the moment because my boyfriend used to flirt with girls on facebook telling them that they looked sexy, and that they were gorgeous e.t.c, I was was not happy with this behaviour as it made me feel awful, and like he didn't ...
A. 11 April 2012: You leave him that's what you do.
IF you have already told him that you don't like his flirting with others and it makes you feel bad (which btw is on YOU not on his behavior) AND he agreed that he would NOT do it and he is now doing it again.. ... (read in full...)
Husband wants me to have sex with another man, but he doesn't want to watch, he just wants me to tell him about it. What is this called?
Q. Can someone please tell me... " my husband wants me to have sex with another man, he does not want to watch but he wants me to tell him about it" What is this called? ...
A. 11 April 2012: OH well fantasy is perfectly FINE..
give it to him with both guns then sweetie...... (read in full...)
I'm 21 and I think sex is boring. I astound the guys I date! Is there a problem?
Q. I'm 21 and I have very little sexual experience. I've been to third base a couple of times, but I usually end it quickly because I'm not comfortable or I think it's boring. I do fantasize and play with myself occasionally, but almost never with ...
A. 11 April 2012: Being afraid of the pain is NORMAL…. Truthfully it never hurt me… and I was 14 when I lost it… (way too young I know now)….
Why do you equate feeling wet during sex with being dirty???
... (read in full...)
I don't know what he meant!
Q. I have been seeing this man for about a year now. The other night he made a comment/question that I'm a little confused about. This is what he said " if you have so many options then what are you doing here with me?". I was not sure how to answer ...
A. 11 April 2012: Did you ASK HIM?... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with triplets and found out through text messages that my fiance is planning on leaving me to be with my cousin. Do I confront him?
Q. well where do I start... Hmmm I know well let's start off by saying Im 20 years old and 5 months pregnant with triplets. Thats right 3 kids all at once. Don't get me wrong I am excited for my little ones to get here but.... I'm going through ...
A. 11 April 2012: Dear OP
THREE boys could still be fraternal. how many SACS are there one two or three?... (read in full...)
Who is right, me or my wife? And what advice do we give our friends?
Q. I searched the internet for advice sites, and I ended up here. We (my wife and I) have a question. We have some friends who are a little younger than us (mid 20's). They are engaged to be married. The Guy has an apartment, and the Girl moved back ...
A. 11 April 2012: Nope you are ALL wrong...
mementos of past relationships go in a box and get put away till such a time as the OWNER of the box is ready to get rid of them. NOT the spouse of the owner. I have been over the last year getting rid of more and more... (read in full...)
Can't deal with your lover's sexual past? Why not leave her / him if they have different morals to you?
Q. Hi guys AND girls, I've read a lot on DC about retroactive jealousy, or "his / her sexual past", and people having problems with it. Some very smart people here have made some very good suggestions on how to deal with it. The thing is, that i...
A. 11 April 2012: "Unfortunately we now live in a society with loose morals, it's called having sexual freedom."
I think you mis-spoke.
"Unfortunately we now live in a society with loose morals for everyone NOT JUST MEN, it's called having sexual freedom. ... (read in full...)
Why did he leave me when things were going so well?
Q. My ex boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship for over 2 months but still saw each other every weekend and talked lots during the day by txt, phone, facebook and were really close and happy. He treated me like a princess and I treated ...
A. 10 April 2012: It’s best to let him go sweetie…
I did a LDR for a year before we moved together… we saw each other every weekend and we talked and texted and emailed all day during the week…
I know you are hurt and feel blindsided but you probably are bes... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with triplets and found out through text messages that my fiance is planning on leaving me to be with my cousin. Do I confront him?
Q. well where do I start... Hmmm I know well let's start off by saying Im 20 years old and 5 months pregnant with triplets. Thats right 3 kids all at once. Don't get me wrong I am excited for my little ones to get here but.... I'm going through ...
A. 10 April 2012: Wow are they fraternal or identical or mixed? Do you know yet? Triplet births are very rare.. about one in 500,000 births that’s TWO in a million… WOW… and to be so young… I hope you are getting awesome specialized HIGH RISK care…
I would help... (read in full...)
Should I just stop talking to him? Or am I being unfair that way?
Q. Hello! I need some suggestions... But I gotta tell my story first and I guess it's quite long. Well... First of all, my boyfriend and I met on the internet. We're from different countries and don't see each other too often, but if we meet then it's ...
A. 10 April 2012: LDRs are hard.
LDRS at your age are harder
LDRS where you MET online are harder still...
I think that this relationship has run it's course...
it's over you two are just holding on till the bitter end.
better to end it now and walk... (read in full...)
I don't know if I can handle another break-up, should I stay or let him go?
Q. I need some help. So my "bf" and i were engaged but broke up because i sexted another man. I have appologized. I knew it was wrong. He just made me feel wanted because at the time my bf was not treating me all that well. Ive since gone to ...
A. 10 April 2012: I love cakes pies and candy… they are really really BAD for me… so I can’t have them.
You don’t cook for him
You don’t clean for him
You don’t have sex with him
YOU DON”T LIVE WITH HIM. Are there friends or family members you can live wit... (read in full...)
Tight foreskin?
Q. So I have had the experience my whole life of a tight foreskin that won't retract over the head of my penis and it never really bothered me that much. Recently though I lost my virginity (with a condom) and during penetration the foreskin was forced ...
A. 10 April 2012: you need to talk to the doctor about this.... (read in full...)
Husband wants me to have sex with another man, but he doesn't want to watch, he just wants me to tell him about it. What is this called?
Q. Can someone please tell me... " my husband wants me to have sex with another man, he does not want to watch but he wants me to tell him about it" What is this called? ...
A. 10 April 2012: It’s cuckolding and some men are sexually aroused by it. I would not buy into it…. Too many issues and problems….
have you asked him WHY he wants this?... (read in full...)
Should I go after this girl who lives far away from me?
Q. right now I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I like this girl, I have a huge crush on her, we talked on tumblr (a social networking site) and I told her how I feel about her but she just politely told me that she only wanted to be friends as ...
A. 10 April 2012: sorry she's right at your age if you live far away you should just be friends... she's being wise and adult about this....
it's a question of location location location.....
it's much easier to have a relationship when you can see each other..... (read in full...)
My husband keeps 'liking' a pretty ex-coworker's pictures and statuses on Facebook, should I be worried?
Q. My husband is fasebook friends with an ex-coworker, a long time ago he told me he thought she was pretty. I've noticed lately he keeps liking her status and My husband is fasebook friends with an ex-coworker, he told me he thought she was pretty. ...
A. 10 April 2012: I doubt it means much..
I like things all the time on facebook including my ex husband's picture of the ring he bought his fiance...
big deal
have you ASKED him what he means by it?... (read in full...)
I don't know if I can handle another break-up, should I stay or let him go?
Q. I need some help. So my "bf" and i were engaged but broke up because i sexted another man. I have appologized. I knew it was wrong. He just made me feel wanted because at the time my bf was not treating me all that well. Ive since gone to ...
A. 10 April 2012: Ah he has his cake and is eating it too...
I'd leave.
then he can decide really quickly if he can learn to trust you again.
right now why should he... he's got the milk and the cow and the cake... YUMMY...
sex and a caretaker and no ne... (read in full...)
I don't know what he meant!
Q. I have been seeing this man for about a year now. The other night he made a comment/question that I'm a little confused about. This is what he said " if you have so many options then what are you doing here with me?". I was not sure how to answer ...
A. 9 April 2012: why didn't you ask him what he meant by the statement?... (read in full...)
Can't deal with your lover's sexual past? Why not leave her / him if they have different morals to you?
Q. Hi guys AND girls, I've read a lot on DC about retroactive jealousy, or "his / her sexual past", and people having problems with it. Some very smart people here have made some very good suggestions on how to deal with it. The thing is, that i...
A. 9 April 2012: why not just ask women if they are virgins before you date them
tell them that if they LIE to you that the BREAKUP will be painful and ugly as your ego can't cope with the fact that they might have had a life prior to you, so it's better to be tr... (read in full...)
I'm 21 and I think sex is boring. I astound the guys I date! Is there a problem?
Q. I'm 21 and I have very little sexual experience. I've been to third base a couple of times, but I usually end it quickly because I'm not comfortable or I think it's boring. I do fantasize and play with myself occasionally, but almost never with ...
A. 9 April 2012: If you are not ready you are not ready.
But you should consider why you are not ready?
Are you afraid of something?
Pain? getting pregnant? being thought badly of?
I am betting when you meet the right guy you'll be ready.... (read in full...)
Why does he press on my bladder area during foreplay?
Q. Hi, My new partner likes to press down on my bladder area just above the bikini line during foreplay but this really makes me want to pee. Is there any reason why a man would like to do this? I'm so worried I will eventually pee on him but I als...
A. 8 April 2012: we are assuming he's pressing with his hands.
what is he pressing with (asks the man in my life) so that we may better answer you
is it his penis
his hands
his belly?
... (read in full...)
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