Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
Should I just get over what happened and get back with my boyfriend?
Q. well me and my boyfriend have been together for six months. i thought our relationship was pretty good even though we've had our issues we always have managed. my boyfriend has messed up bad before, he talked to his ex behind my back, amoung others ...
A. 27 November 2012: Six months is not a long time, especially with a distance relationship and a 9 hour distance is a bit much. I’m assuming you don’t see each other every weekend… so let’s assume you guys spend every other weekend together.
6 months with 2 weekends... (read in full...)
I cant face going into work, but this makes my anxiety worse. I feel at a complete loss with life, any ideas?
Q. Hi, I am currently having the most difficult year of my life and I am struggling so very much. Since April this year, my dad has died, I have moved house, got married, my uncle has died, my mum is constantly in and out of hospital with serious pro...
A. 27 November 2012: You really need more proactive medical intervention here.
When does your bereavement therapy start?
are they putting you on any medications to help control the anxiety?
you need to call the doctors and tell them you need more help NOW.... I... (read in full...)
How can I get through this heartache of my boyfriend leaving me?
Q. I was in a relationship with this guy for 4.5 months (we're both 18). We had some really good times but more often than I should have, I got upset by his decrease in effort and his sexual pressure though I wasn't ready to lose my virginity and said ...
A. 27 November 2012: While his timing sucks, it's better that he broke up now rather than later.
I know you are hurting even though you know he did the right thing... even when we know it's right it hurts to be left.
Sadly, there is NOTHING you can do to heal t... (read in full...)
I want a boyfriend but I've never met a boy that I like and no boys seem to like me! Help!
Q. Basically, I want a boy-friend. But I'm finding this absolutly impossible to do, for three reasons. 1. No boy seems to like me, none! I've had one boy crush on me, in primary school. It makes me feel horrible that no-one seems to like me, and th...
A. 27 November 2012: Oh sweet thing such a hard age.
Of course you want a boyfriend….
1. NO boy seems to like me. well I’m betting that there are boys that like you but you don’t like them so you don’t notice (that’s always the way it works)
IF you are feelin... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is cheating on me!
Q. I am concerned my boyfriend is cheating on me. I have had suspicions before as in our first year of University I heard him talking, drunkenly, to one of his other flat mates about how he would love to sleep with this other girl he lived with and ...
A. 27 November 2012: He never wants sex
he never wants to spend time with me
(he) just makes me feel rubbish about myself in general through comments about my weight or what I'm wearing
he stays out till all hours and comes home wasted
you've seen text mess... (read in full...)
How can I find out if this girl likes me without putting myself completely out there?
Q. By nature, I have always been a bit on the anti-social side. I'm more comfortable in my own company rather than with most people I know. However, there is this girl that has started to work on my floor over a week ago. I instantly had a ...
A. 27 November 2012: sadly OP for you LIFE is to be LIVED
and LIVING takes RISKS....
if you are not willing to risk yourself why should any woman who you might be interested in risk herself?
... (read in full...)
How long should it take before relationship becomes exclusive?
Q. We've been dating for the past 8 months. How long should it take before relationship becomes exclusive?...
A. 27 November 2012: It takes as long as it takes.
IF you want it exclusive you need to talk to him about it.
You do not have to wait for him to make the choice. just be prepared for him to say NOT INTERESTED in EXCLUSIVE...
or worse... agree to it and n... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has lent an ex-girlfriend £200 of our joint money and she hasn't paid a penny back
Q. My boyfrind of just over 2 years has just lent an ex-girlfriend £200 of our joint money. This was 6 weeks ago now and she hasn't paid a penny back. I reluctantly agreed to this because my boyfrind tells me's a good man and she is now just a friend ...
A. 27 November 2012: We too have joint accounts for all funds...
You MUST tell your BF how you feel NOW. do not let it fester.
NEVER lend money you can't afford to give away as it often never comes back...
You have several options here after you tell ... (read in full...)
I feel like he sees me as a mom not a lover!
Q. I'm engaged to the man of my dreams but recently our sex life hasn't been good. I've tried everything I can think of to spice things up and he really seems to enjoy it when we do have sex but it's not making him want to more often. I recently lost ...
A. 27 November 2012: Totally agree with janniepeg. So many men define themselves by their ability to support their family.
He feels totally emasculated honey.. this is so NOT about you at all... ... (read in full...)
I care, but I don't care?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 9 months now. There's some issues though. I care about her, but I really don't know if I care about her. I know it sounds weird, but it's what I've concluded to be the case. I care about her because ...
A. 27 November 2012: You just have to be firm. You know you want out...
so tell her "there is someone else"
and you will have to endure her pain and suffering as she cries and whines and begs. it's part of being an adult.. doing painful things.. hurting... (read in full...)
Why did my teacher only invite me and none of the other students to his birthday party? He's 24 Does he love me?.
Q. I've have been in the big trouble! I have fallen in love with my teacher, and I wonder if he loves me too. The way he looks at me and he also looks at me a lot! My friends already thought I'm crazy. They said it's impossible to love the teacher ...
A. 27 November 2012: OP did you have sex with this man? IF so you must report him (go to your parents and let them do it)
IF you had sex with him and he continues to approach you he's a predator and he must be removed from his job ASAP.... (read in full...)
He's been separated for 6 years but wont get a divorce, am I a mug for staying with him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months, he has been separated from his wife for 6 years! But still isn't divorced! He says she means nothing to him and its only a piece of paper. We have bought a house together and I have 1 child and he ...
A. 27 November 2012: my ex husband and I did not divorce until one of us wanted to marry. I was separated from him from 1989 til 1994 when he wanted to marry... we never had any issues with it... just never got around to it but had no intentions of ever being together ... (read in full...)
How did I get HPV if I have had only 1 sexual partner?
Q. So I got a Pap smear recently and my doctor told me I had abnormal results and needed a colposcopy. The results from that showed that I'm HPV + ! However I have only been with 1 person sexually my whole life, my current boyfriend. He on the ...
A. 27 November 2012: I am 52 and I have had cells consistent with HPV for years. I've had two colposcopies and two LEEP procedures over the years.
the last two PAP smears were NORMAL... when I asked the doctor about it he said that sometimes the body clears HPV b... (read in full...)
I want to leave my girlfriend but I know it wull hurt her so badly. How do I let her down gently?
Q. I have ben with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years, she is the year above me so we are in different schools. I love her so much and don't want to hurt her but she doesn't excite me anymore and all we do is argue. I feel like she is holding me back ...
A. 26 November 2012: cheating on her will hurt her worse.
what you say to her is that you are 17 you've been with her since you were 15, people change and you think it's time you started seeing other people.
yes she will cry and be hurt... but it's better ... (read in full...)
Why do I go dry during intercourse?
Q. Ciao! I don't know why when i get wet during sexual intercourse it doesn't take time to dry up after which i'll start having pains. When this happens, i wud not enjoy it any longer and that makes my boyfriend because he complains that he's not ...
A. 26 November 2012: friction makes you go dry
use lube
I suggest silicone based as they last longer than water based.
as for your man complaining that he's not satisfied... ARE YOU?
I doubt it if you are going dry... ... (read in full...)
He gets jealous about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I want to break up with him! And there's a bonus question too....
Q. Well where do I begin? Lets see here. My bf and I have been dating for the past 5 months (secretly until about a week ago bcuz I wasnt allowed to date) Well now weve been fighting a lot about the past 2 months and I dont know if I can stand it much ...
A. 26 November 2012: It's going to hurt. no matter what.
basically you don't fight with him.
he starts in on you about anyone or anything with his insane out of control jealousy you say "we are not having this conversation. I did nothing wrong. Call me ... (read in full...)
I feel like he sees me as a mom not a lover!
Q. I'm engaged to the man of my dreams but recently our sex life hasn't been good. I've tried everything I can think of to spice things up and he really seems to enjoy it when we do have sex but it's not making him want to more often. I recently lost ...
A. 26 November 2012: have you told him how you feel? not just asked him what's going on but TOLD HIM...
would he go to counseling with you?
will he get a medical work up?
it's going to take both of you working together to fix it.
I have to admit that ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex girlfriend do this?
Q. I'm very disturbed by an action my ex girlfriend did. Why I don't like her in any way is because, when she dumped me, she lied to me, and wanted to be friends. This is why I don't like, nor do I trust her. However, this action isn't what d...
A. 26 November 2012: Oh sweetie… you are in pain and I’m sorry. If she is dating another guy and it’s been a year I do not think she’s trying to worm her way back into your good graces. She’s with another guy. Just because she posts a picture supporting Autism does ... (read in full...)
Why would my guy want to be friends with his ex after everything she did?
Q. My man was with a women 7 months and she cheated, stole, destroyed his heart and now he wants to be friends with her and she wont leave him alone. How can i make her go away???? Why would he want to be involved with her after that at all anyway? I ...
A. 26 November 2012: Sadly YOU can't make her go away only he can.
IF he's not making her go away he's still hung up on her.
You have to decide if you are willing to accept her sloppy seconds.... (read in full...)
I think he wants to marry me only because he says I am good in bed
Q. My fiance and I have been engaged for 3 years. The other day, for some reason, I asked him, Are you still looking? Looking as in keeping his options open for another girl. He checks out other women all the time when we go out and I think that...
A. 26 November 2012: you are "engaged" for three years and yet you asked him the other day if he was still looking. doesn't sound like much of an engagement to me.
My husband checks out other women when we go out... He'll even comment on young pretty things..... (read in full...)
I want my ex girlfriend back in my life.
Q. so the problem is my ex gf who broke off with me 9 months ago started talking to me again after a month. I loved it, i loved her like crazy. When we started talking again, we tried to be just friends but did stuff that wasnt just friend ...
A. 26 November 2012: She broke it off with you 9 months ago. She was ready to be friends after a month, you were not and you need to let her know that you could not be just friends as you were not over her. HER being friendly with you fed you hope. It was not right ... (read in full...)
Would you say it's essential to have a fascinated crush on someone before 'falling in love?
Q. I'm so frustrated - I can fancy a man at face value, with lust in the equation, and much prefer sex with the male body, but when it comes to infatuation, fascination, awe and nervousness etc., it's only women who I can get this with. It would be ...
A. 26 November 2012: nope I do not think a "facinated crush" is mandatory for falling in love... in fact, I think it' is just the opposite...
When you crush on someone you can't see their faults and you put them on a pedestal.... it's not good.
getting to know... (read in full...)
Are there enough signs here to indicate that he likes me?
Q. So I am really confused by this guy. We work together, and we spend a lot of our free time together too as we have the same hobby. I really like him, and I think he likes me, but I wonder after nearly 3 months why he hasn't made a move yet, and in a ...
A. 26 November 2012: I think he likes you a lot as a friend. nothing more.
... (read in full...)
Will girls care if...?
Q. A few months ago a strange red mark appeared on my penis. Theres nothing painful about it, it is just a red patch on the skin on a bit bigger than a thumbnail. I went to the doctors and it is a skin condition called vitiligo. It is apparently ...
A. 26 November 2012: naw most girls will not care...
in fact, don't even mention it... if they ask then tell them.
... (read in full...)
How do I get past feeling so uncomfortable about his crazy past?
Q. How do you let go of your partner's crazy past? My bf is 31 now but from his late teens to his mid 20s, he was doing a lot of drugs, was partying all the time and having lots of sex with lots of different women. It was a crazy time in his life. I'...
A. 26 November 2012: So you watch movies that have nothing to do with life now and you get angry at his past from before he knew you?
You want to punish him for his past?
why? why does the fact that he did things in the past (which btw makes him the person you l... (read in full...)
I don't want any contact with my "boyfriend", what Do I Do Now?
Q. I met my boyfriend 11 years ago during vacation and it was instant connection, we hit it off right away. We are in long distance relationship, YES believe it or not, we are and we kept in touch all those years. I am sure some people out there will ...
A. 26 November 2012: Not only would I ignore his request, I'd block his phone numbers and email addresses so he can't contact you.
Honey I hate to say this but you have wasted 8 years on this buffoon. (I will give you the benefit of the doubt the first three years ... (read in full...)
I care, but I don't care?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 9 months now. There's some issues though. I care about her, but I really don't know if I care about her. I know it sounds weird, but it's what I've concluded to be the case. I care about her because ...
A. 26 November 2012: You should end it with her for many reasons.
1. you are cheating on her and at your age that simply means you are not ready to be in a serious relationship. I have to admit if my husband came home and said "I cuddled another woman", I'd ... (read in full...)
I feel uncomfortable over his ex...
Q. Hi and thank you I've been with someone for 7 months we are exclusive. He's good to me, treats me well except when it comes to his ex which he claims there "just friends". I have been trying hard to believe it BUT my intuition is telling me other...
A. 26 November 2012: I left my husband when my boys were 3 and 5. WE had lots of daily contact (cell phones and internet were not yet very popular) in the beginning but I never visited the kids at his place nor he at mine. YES we saw each others homes and where our ... (read in full...)
Is there any hope of turning this around? I keep finding my Gf on dating sites.
Q. My life seems like a constant cycle of catching my girlfriend on dating sites, breaking up and then somehow ending up back together. When I have caught her she has lied by denying it, blamed me for neglecting her, accused me of jealousy, abuse, i...
A. 26 November 2012:
IF you are catching her on dating sites, then you don’t trust her and rightfully so.
It’s common for cheaters to place the blame on the partner to try to protect themselves from looking bad.
This is NOT about you not being good enough, in ... (read in full...)
I have refused to do this. So why is my Bf obsessed with wanting to see me do oral with another guy. What else can I say to him?
Q. hi i am in a long term relationship since my teen years and the last 4 years long distance. but late 1 year my guy has been obsessed about seeimg me doing oral with another guy. i have always said no. but he has kept on asking for this.. i dont kn...
A. 26 November 2012: if he keeps asking and you keep saying NO then he's not listening to you and does not respect you.
Tell him, the next time he asks that the answer is NO and then tell him if he asks again you will have to end the relationship. AND do it.
... (read in full...)
Is our relationship doomed? He, (45) verbally abused me (19) when I queried his actions.
Q. I found out my partner has been lying to me. It's been going on for months until last week when I asked him why he has been lying to me (iv'e been honest, not cheated nor played around) Instead of him explaining he just verbally abused me a...
A. 26 November 2012: AGE h as NOTHING to do with this. He's a liar.
You called him on it (rightfully so) and he like most liars that got caught tried to turn it around and place the blame on you... scummby thing to do....
He has been grooming you since y... (read in full...)
I'm concerned that I can't trust him because of this co-worker!
Q. Hi, I am looking for some advice. I have been in a relationship with my partner for the past 6 years. I always trusted him, I felt I had no reason not to. Last month we got invited to his work mates engagement party and he said it would be best if ...
A. 26 November 2012: He's trying to keep you totally away from his co-workers and to me that's NOT acceptable.
He's lied to you
your gut tells you something is going on and i"m betting your gut is right....
I would not believe him or trust him either.... (read in full...)
Why did my teacher only invite me and none of the other students to his birthday party? He's 24 Does he love me?.
Q. I've have been in the big trouble! I have fallen in love with my teacher, and I wonder if he loves me too. The way he looks at me and he also looks at me a lot! My friends already thought I'm crazy. They said it's impossible to love the teacher ...
A. 26 November 2012: he's your teacher (STRIKE ONE... you never get involved with a teacher or a boss)
you are 16 you are still legally a child and emotionally still very immature.
he's 24 and an adult and should know better.
clearly he's willing to ris... (read in full...)
What am I dealing with? His drinking problem or something else?
Q. please help, my husband of 14 years has had a drink problem for years which has got worse over the past 3 years [he has been drinking 3/4 of a liter bottle of vodka a night and gets "out of it" does stupid things like texting/messaging girls/wo...
A. 26 November 2012: I'm married to an active alcoholic. Drinking does not change how they feel, it just magnifies the behavior.
Get yourself to Al-ANON meetings and take care of yourself and your children.
HE can't stop drinking till he is ready and to be ... (read in full...)
I ended the relationship after the "where are we going" conversation! Did I do the right thing?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in an exclusive relationship for almost three years (both of us over 45). We see each other five times a week, taking turns sleeping at each other's home. My home is a lot for me to take care of (large yard and pool), n...
A. 26 November 2012: IF you want to live together and get married and he does not, then you did the right thing to end it as you are on different relationship paths.
Personally I think you should sell your home and buy yourself a lovely condo.
IF after 3 ... (read in full...)
Does he not make a move on me because I'm a client
Q. Hi, I am not very good in judging people. I need help in this department. There is this one guy i fancy. He is an assistant of my Marketing Manager. Technically, I am their client. When we first know each other, it was nothing and strictly busi...
A. 26 November 2012: If you are interested and there won't be a conflict of interest due to work (I mean if you get together and then break up will it be awkward at work) then I think you could approach him...
Yes we should not date folks we work with on a regular... (read in full...)
How do I show more respect to my boyfriend?
Q. Hello there, I need help, I'm 21 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for over three years now and we've our ups and downs. To cut a long story short he has been telling me he's lacking respect from me and that I don't treat him as the man he ...
A. 26 November 2012:
His being younger has nothing to do with it. The fact that you are both so young has a lot more to do with this… my husband is 13 years younger than I am…
He says you lack respect for him…. That you don’t treat him like a man. Well does th... (read in full...)
I don't know how to fix the problems with my Gf since she cheated. WHAT should I do?
Q. I need help. I have a girlfriend who, like me had a rough childhood, which has ultimately made us both kinda crazy. When we are happy, it is obvious we are in love, but when we are mad, you would think we have been married for 45 years. She...
A. 26 November 2012: "She cheated on me with a guy at her work because he got her high off marijuana.
Was that how she paid him? Seriously while use of pot will make you the three H "happy, horny and hungry" it won't cause you to cheat... you are fully we... (read in full...)
Is this healthy? is she game playing? My Controlling girlfriend keeps giving me ultimatums or threatens that we'll break up
Q. I have a girlfriend and I'm soon to be divorced with my estranged wife. My girlfriend has been acting weird lately.... She gives me ultimatums to do X or we break up. When I don't do X, she gives me the complete silent treatment and ignores all ...
A. 25 November 2012: Totally doomed. She sounds immature and unstable.
I would make an effort to be with her the next time she gives you the silent treatment.
... (read in full...)
I fell for him and my heart is broken
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I am suffering extreme heartache and I would like to know how to get over it or reduce the pain. I'm waking up at 6am crying as reality hits that he doesn't want me and has left me and for someone else. It's going to sou...
A. 25 November 2012: I'm betting he did like you but that he still loved this other woman. I don't think she was planning on returning but now that she is, he's with her.
To be fair he told you from the beginning he was not up for a commitment. the problem with tha... (read in full...)
I feel like he sees me as a mom not a lover!
Q. I'm engaged to the man of my dreams but recently our sex life hasn't been good. I've tried everything I can think of to spice things up and he really seems to enjoy it when we do have sex but it's not making him want to more often. I recently lost ...
A. 25 November 2012: It's possible he has the madonna whore complex where men who see women with babies as sacred mothers... the can't bear to have sex with them. IF that's the case he will need professional help.
IF it's that you lost the weight and aren't cushy... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
