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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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What's the difference between sexual attraction and love?
Q. Hi, Anybody out there that can tell me What the difference is between sexual attraction And love? And doesn't it go hand in hand? Thanks...
A. 5 December 2012: There is an old saying that I think applies here:
“women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place”
... (read in full...)
What's the difference between sexual attraction and love?
Q. Hi, Anybody out there that can tell me What the difference is between sexual attraction And love? And doesn't it go hand in hand? Thanks...
A. 30 November 2012: Sexual attraction and love do NOT go hand in hand. They can and it's great when they do... then you marry them.
but you can be sexually attracted to someone (ie. I'll put him on my "to do list") and think he's hot but his brain does not att... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is respectful and caring but indifferent about love, what's the story?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. Whilst he behaves is respectful and caring, he never tells me he loves me, in fact he tells me he doesn't. Should I accept this at face value and leave, or I should be a little patient with him? He ...
A. 30 November 2012: he's your boyfriend for two years
and he tells you he does NOT love you...
he treats you with indifference
he does not tell you where he is going and who he is going or what he is doing with the people he is with.
you ask "how should I ... (read in full...)
I dumped him because of the dating sites, but he's still on them meeting new people! How do I overcome my anger?
Q. I have broke up from a 2 year relationship. It was my decision. He would not stop visiting datimg sites and always lied to me about it or said he went on them because I nagged him all the time. Now, the same account he said wasnt his is still there ...
A. 30 November 2012: you have the right to feel what you want but the fact that you are torturing your self checking on him is nuts.
he is your EX why do you still care what he's doing?
... (read in full...)
What are my chances? I thought it was mutual love from the start. But is she having doubts?
Q. I met this girl a few months ago love at first site on both sides. She is still married and has a kid with this Guy. He lives in another state so I'm not worries but they saw each other a few weeks ago at their daughter's birthday party a...
A. 30 November 2012: you need to let her sort out her marriage before you court her.
How long have they been separated. was it her choice or his?
was it due to things he can correct (drinking or drugging) and if so maybe she will give him a second chance.
IF... (read in full...)
Why don't I ever attract girls I want to spend time with? Could my personal issues be a reason some girls avoid me?
Q. I only attract the really weird and creepy ones that I don't find attractive. People have told me that I am really cute and that I can be a guy who girls are attracted to, but that's only a few of my friends because they're people I know and can ...
A. 30 November 2012: You said the whole key to this all by yourself:
You said: People always tell me that I always look depressed. When I'm at school I literally go through a whole day of school not talking to ANYONE.
THEN YOU SAID:
I do seem to easily attrac... (read in full...)
Our relationship is falling apart since he moved away, is it even worth trying anymore?
Q. My boyfriend went away for college to play baseball and our relationship is falling apart, is it even worth the heart ache to continue trying? We dated for 2 years in high school, then all of a sudden he broke up with me the summer before we...
A. 30 November 2012: time to move on... it's over...
... (read in full...)
It seems like my girlfriend is getting too close to her male friend, they act like we did when we first started dating!
Q. My girlfriend has recently started talking to another guy she goes to school with frequently and I'm beginning to question the truth behind their friendship. She says that he is merely her best guy friend since her and I don't go to the same school, ...
A. 30 November 2012: You are totally right to be concerned. NOT because she has a male friend but for other reasons.
1. You are no longer her priority he is.
2. She’s LYING to HIM about who she is with. This means she can and probably LIES to you about other things... (read in full...)
Is stealing a shirt really such a horrible thing? Will this affect my job application?
Q. Hello again, I posted a question a few days ago about a test I had to take for a job. Well I passed the test, yay! But now I am into the background check and then onto a lie detector/polygraph test. I have a couple questions about this. One, has a...
A. 30 November 2012: Yay! congrats OP!... (read in full...)
He keeps me hidden from all aspects of his life but I still love him, should I stay or go?
Q. I have been with my bf for 1 and 1/2 years. He keeps me hidden from all aspects of his life. He doesnt want me to be around his friends, co-workers or his family. I have only met 3 of his friends and recently met some of his co-workers only because ...
A. 30 November 2012: LEAVE.
1. He keeps me hidden from all aspects of his life Rule ONE: a man who is in love, screams from the rooftops that you are his girl. He does not care what others think or say. He will introduce you to friends, family and co-worke... (read in full...)
He says we have sex less often because I've put on weight. Could this be the real reason?
Q. hello, i have a problem. i have been with my boyfriend for 7years. we only have sex sometimes once a week or once a month. he says it's because i've gained weight and it feels different. Can this be true? Also i sometimes think he's cheating ...
A. 30 November 2012: I am going to tell you my story. I love my husband. He loves me. WE got married October 6. WE have been a couple for two years. I am ashamed to admit this but we still have not consummated our marriage in the legal sense. WHY? Because BOTH of us ... (read in full...)
When I ask him to move in with me, all I get are excuses. What's wrong with him?
Q. hi there, I have been with my boyfreind for three years, we moved in together last december and a few months later he said he needed space to figure things out, so to give him what he needed i moved back home with family. (he had more money so he...
A. 30 November 2012: If he’s going to be ready to move in with you now why is he going back home in December and then getting a place again in February? It sounds to me like he’s going to put it off again… why not just move in with him now?... (read in full...)
Why can't he ever address me by my name?
Q. There is a man who I think is attracted to me (flirts, smiles, let's off so much positive energy and shows interest in me etc), but he NEVER has once said my name. He even has written to someone else about me to discuss a detail and referred to me ...
A. 30 November 2012: It just may be the way he is... I always feel weird using names when talking to people... I saw sweetie, or honey or darling or kumquat..(yes I say kumquat).... I have friends that use Pumpkin or precious...
I think it doesn't mean much at... (read in full...)
Why can't he ever address me by my name?
Q. There is a man who I think is attracted to me (flirts, smiles, let's off so much positive energy and shows interest in me etc), but he NEVER has once said my name. He even has written to someone else about me to discuss a detail and referred to me ...
A. 30 November 2012: I'm in agreement maybe he doesn't know your name.... (read in full...)
I feel that I am not the best lover for my wife
Q. First of all, I give my excuses for my English. I am from Argentina. I got married 3 years ago when I was 44 and my wife was 42. We met each other one year before our marriage. The thing is that I am extremely jealous of her sexual past. She insis...
A. 29 November 2012: of course you could be the best because when you love someone, it makes sex 1,0000 better.... (read in full...)
I'm pretty sure he cheated on me but he wont admit it, what do I do now?
Q. I am married 24 years, and recently found out that my husband cheated on me, but he won't admit it. I have been going through treatments because I have cancer and he started a new job. Because of the chemo I was very sick and not thinking clearly so ...
A. 29 November 2012: I'm so sorry he took advantage of you when you were sick. that was cruel... and he did cheat... whether physically or emotionally or mentally.
my ex husband used to text women "I love you" and when I caught him at it he said the same thing "... (read in full...)
My daughters are jealous of the time I spend with my boyfriend.
Q. Ok, here is one for ya. Been in a serious relationship with a wonderful man and things are great except for my two girls (ages 19 and 20) from a previous marriage. I thought it would be his 11 year old daughter that would be a problem, but no... My ...
A. 29 November 2012: Yeah I have a grown son like that... tell him to call me any time but he only sees me if i push him... and we don't live together so I don't see him often.
personally I would schedule time with the girls... tell them
hey what day next... (read in full...)
We were planning to meet then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me! What can I do?
Q. hello i know you have answered this similar question many times but i honestly need help to let this go! i met this guy on face book. 2months ago.he seamed so amazing. we talked a lot, exchanged many photos and videos, called each other all the ti...
A. 29 November 2012: you can't do anything.
if he wont' talk to you he wont' talk to you.
you need to let this go it was just a brief online fling.. for two months, nothing much to be honest...
... (read in full...)
I feel that I am not the best lover for my wife
Q. First of all, I give my excuses for my English. I am from Argentina. I got married 3 years ago when I was 44 and my wife was 42. We met each other one year before our marriage. The thing is that I am extremely jealous of her sexual past. She insis...
A. 29 November 2012: Why can’t you believe her? Do you think she lies about other things?
personally, I think this is YOUR Problem in YOUR head.
you need to trust her...... (read in full...)
We have sex 3 times a week but this isnt enough for me, any suggestions?
Q. I have a very healthy sex life. I loe to explore and try new things. I could have sex several times a day if my partner would let me. I have never had a man turn me down for sex before but my current partner stops me from touching him sometimes. He ...
A. 29 November 2012: you should not be insulted you just have different drives.
I have a higher drive than my husband and it's frustrating but it's not a reflection on me or how he feels about me...
three times a week is a lot at your age and if you are still ho... (read in full...)
Should I end our affair in person? Or is a goodbye text enough?
Q. I've decided that even tho I'm hopelessly in love with a guy I've been having an affair with, it's time to end it. He is married, and I know he's never gonna leave her, I'm just tired of holding my emotions inside, and waiting for him to be mine, ...
A. 29 November 2012: I would not do it in person for the simple reason that you probably normally meet in private so he does not get caught cheating... and it will give him the chance to beg plead and whine and PROMISE that he will end it with his wife for you "just as ... (read in full...)
To those who are married/in relationships: Do you masturbate? If yes, why?
Q. Hello I want to ask people who are married or in relationship if they masturbate, if yes how often they do it and why? Thank you....
A. 29 November 2012: yes I do
how often... sometimes daily or more
sometimes weekly or less
why? because it feels good.... (read in full...)
I feel that I am not the best lover for my wife
Q. First of all, I give my excuses for my English. I am from Argentina. I got married 3 years ago when I was 44 and my wife was 42. We met each other one year before our marriage. The thing is that I am extremely jealous of her sexual past. She insis...
A. 29 November 2012: OP thank you for the follow up… I can address your points…
1. Giving keys to the man before you after a week and you after three months may mean a couple of things…. 1. She learned her lesson with the last guy and didn’t want to rush it with you... (read in full...)
Which one do I choose?
Q. I have a question.. Ok so there this guy. He says he's completely in love with me and I'm his soul mate etc. *D* Then there's my ex, *A* he also says the same stuff as *D* but. I think *A* actually means it. Because me and *A* have dated for 5...
A. 29 November 2012: I vote for NONE of the above
A is not your heart and soul he's a friend.
D clearly is a liar.
be by yourself.... (read in full...)
Is he a better match for her, is she going to leave me? I don't know what to do!
Q. I'm a freshman in college and so is my girlfriend of 2 years. We are very close, but I attend college 7 hours away from her. I don't see her except on holidays, and recently she has been getting really close with a good looking Indian guy (She is ...
A. 29 November 2012: You guys are young and far apart at 7 hours... STRIKE ONE (inability to see each other face to face on a regular basis)
you hacked into her facebook account STRIKE TWO (lack of trust)
You are different cultures and religions (STRIKE THREE in... (read in full...)
I feel like I am competing with my boyfriend's own mom. She is insanely jealous of me. What's going on!? Help!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I feel like his relationship with his mother is unusual (mostly on her part). When I first met his mother I thought she was very nice and apparently she thought the same of me. I am a very ...
A. 29 November 2012: If her son is picking you over his crazy mother then yes when you have to deal with her you are civil.
As long as your BF is on your side and knows his mom is inappropriate you will be fine.
My husband is 39 and for years has been total... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated...should I take him back?
Q. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 yrs has cheated on me with another woman that he said he knows for many years. He said is nothing serious, he helps her out when she needs him and he can count on one hand how many times he had sex with her while we been ...
A. 29 November 2012: EWWWWW…
Let’s see this list of WONDERFUL things:
He cheated on you with someone he knows and continues to know and has known from before you were his gf….
He said it’s nothing serious (nice so sex means NOTHING to him) and he can count on... (read in full...)
I have so many questions and so many concerns about whether or not I can trust him.
Q. part of my boyfriends job is to drag women into traps. he makes them think he loves them so they fall in his love and then he tests their real emotions towards some stuff. he promised to stop this job in a week, after the last file he is deali...
A. 29 November 2012: he's a cheater and a liar.
plain and simple.
tell him "don't contact me any more I'm done" then change your number if you like... but at bare minimum block his number, his facebook/twitter and his email.
move on.
be by yourself a ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend wants nothing t do with me.. What do you think??
Q. So i haven't talked to my boyfriend in about 3 weeks.. and i feel as if he's ignoring me.. i don't know what to do.. this isn't the first time. He usually dosen't talk to me for a week or two then just calls or texts me and acts like nothings ...
A. 29 November 2012: if you were an adult I would say it's FWB but you are 13-15..
he's not a boyfriend honey.. he's just some guy that you used to know...
time to move on.... (read in full...)
My daughters are jealous of the time I spend with my boyfriend.
Q. Ok, here is one for ya. Been in a serious relationship with a wonderful man and things are great except for my two girls (ages 19 and 20) from a previous marriage. I thought it would be his 11 year old daughter that would be a problem, but no... My ...
A. 29 November 2012: Meg,
I was a single mom for many years. My kids are older than yours now.. I understand your feelings. I had an LDR for a year last year with my now husband. My kids are grown and gone and I was at his place every weekend for a year… even tho... (read in full...)
I'm so confused. I feel so bad for his son and wish he cared about him more but I don't want to be unsympathetic to my boyfriend.
Q. Hi. I wrote before about my boyfriend who has no contact with his son and there was a pretty clear response from you counties and uncles, that his behaviour is no good. Especially moving were responses from those of you whose fathers were absent. ...
A. 29 November 2012: nope he's at fault totally.
1. even if a woman SAYS she can't get pregnant if a man does not want to be a father or contract a disease he should wear a condom. I know lots of women who were told they were infertile and married and resigned the... (read in full...)
Why is he not picking up my calls or calling me?
Q. Dear Cupid My bf is not picking up his call for past 2 days. We didn't fight and I sent him couple of messages and no response for that too. I saw him online but he is not responding to my messages. I left voicemail. We are in LDR for 2 months and...
A. 29 November 2012: ewww... tough question.
he's online
he's at work
you are LDR... were you NOT LDR before the two months and one of you moved?
Something has changed and he's probably too afraid to tell you.
I hate to say it but it sounds much like he... (read in full...)
Why do I act this way?
Q. hey guys im so confused i dont have any attraction to any girl nor guy when i get close to a girl i sorta hype myself up and think i like that girl but i have no true feelings when i actually think about it please help me try to understand (im a 15 ...
A. 29 November 2012: you are over thinking it... as a teen you are still figuring things out.
you can't commit to a relationship until you find someone you want to commit to.
you say you can't make guy friends... is there no one at school you are friendly wit... (read in full...)
What is going on with this guy, and why am I wasting time on him when there are other guys who put out more effort?
Q. Back in June this guy I knew vaguely from high school started talking to me. We ended up going out now and then over the summer and eventually hooked up. Everyone warned me he was kind of weird, that he wasn't the type to want to have a girlfriend ...
A. 29 November 2012: he likes the hooking up (I assume you mean sex).... that's all.
do not waste your time on him...... (read in full...)
Adult girl and 16-year-old guy.... Could it work? Is it going to get us in trouble?
Q. Hello everyone. Thank you in advance for taking time out of your busy lifes to help with all of our problems and for reading my problem too. Well the main problem is that i am in love with a great guy (all these months he has helped me through ...
A. 29 November 2012: I’m not worried about legal since you are not having sex with him although being physical with him (passionate kisses and/or petting) can be misconstrued and may present issues… I’d cut that out too till he’s 18)
I assume you are working and supp... (read in full...)
I've been having passionate dreams about a man I know from school.
Q. Hi all, for the past month or so I have been having dreams about this man I see at school. It has been 6 months since we met, and I do not know a whole lot about him. Sometimes we make small talk in between classes, but that's it. I have noticed ...
A. 29 November 2012: Clearly you find him attractive. You talk to him... so maybe try to get to know him better and see if he's available.
remember that just because a man does not wear a wedding band does not mean he's not taken... so proceed with caution.... (read in full...)
Is my behavior my fault, or the fault of the person who caused me to behave this way?
Q. SIMPLE QUESTION: if i tell someone (in this case a family member) not to do or say a certain thing b/c it'll get me really angry, and then they go ahead and say or do what gets me angry anyways, and i blow up and get mad, am i at fault, or ...
A. 29 November 2012: You have a simple question and yet you want a detailed answer. Wow. Your question is “am I responsible for my own behavior” the answer is YES no matter what the circumstance or the rational… YOU as an ADULT are RESPONSIBLE for your own ... (read in full...)
Is he just being polite by accepting my affection, or could he really like me?
Q. There's a guy I'm friends with, that I really like. I had a crush on him last year, that didn't go any where, and I'm still unclear as to whether he ever felt the same about me or not. We lost touch for just over a year, and we started hanging out ...
A. 29 November 2012: Listen to me... you are 16/17 there is no boy in the world (or a single man to be honest) that is going to turn down sexual games...
so when you cuddle him you are giving him sexual pleasure.
if you question if it's one sided, it probab... (read in full...)
My new husband is emailing a stranger pictures of him, and personal information for him and his family. HELP!
Q. Hello, there. I got a trouble, I dont know how to explain but I will write all the details down and I do wish I could get some advice and help because at the moment I do really really need it. Me and my husband just got married 4 weeks ago and we...
A. 29 November 2012: He's already cheating on you dear. It's called emotional cheating. I don't doubt for one second that he knows this woman or who she is... and if he does not he's foolish to give out information.
and he lies about being married doesn't he?
Y... (read in full...)
I'm finally ready to move in with him after a year and a half of long distance relationship. Now he says he doesn't think we're right for each other.
Q. I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and a half. We have been very happy and planned to move in together. He has alway said he wanted to marry me and now that i am in a place to move in with him he has said he is not sure we are ...
A. 29 November 2012: Ah the truth about an LDR comes out… for the last year and half this man has been playing happy little relationship. I think sometimes folks that do LDRs are doing it to avoid real life. BUT this depends on a few more things I need to know.
... (read in full...)
Has he crossed boundaries, should I make something of his behavior?
Q. I was at a meeting last night and the usual innuendo was going on. After the meeting I went down the pub with two of the men one of which I know quite well being my partner's friend. The other guy had gone outside for a cigarette so when we sat d...
A. 29 November 2012: sounds to me like he's just a relaxed flirty guy...
if it bothered you when you went to sit back you could have said "fred,could you move your arm please"
that would tell you what his game plan was...... (read in full...)
Why make happy holiday memories when we are having a hard time, and even might break up?
Q. Hi everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and we have had a lot of problems recently with money and changing jobs and living apart after living together due to his work placement. Anyway, I have often been really angry at him and ...
A. 29 November 2012: you MIGHT break up but you might NOT..... part of relationships is working through the hard times...
he moved for work not because he didn't want to be with you...
is it temporary? will you be moving to join him? how far apart are you?
... (read in full...)
I feel that I am not the best lover for my wife
Q. First of all, I give my excuses for my English. I am from Argentina. I got married 3 years ago when I was 44 and my wife was 42. We met each other one year before our marriage. The thing is that I am extremely jealous of her sexual past. She insis...
A. 29 November 2012: Listen to me...
my first husband was very well endowed. it HURT. I hated it.
My current husband is on the small size of average like you and it's PERFECT...
FWIW, MOST women do not orgasm from penetration (less than 30%) alone.... a... (read in full...)
Is stealing a shirt really such a horrible thing? Will this affect my job application?
Q. Hello again, I posted a question a few days ago about a test I had to take for a job. Well I passed the test, yay! But now I am into the background check and then onto a lie detector/polygraph test. I have a couple questions about this. One, has a...
A. 7 September 2012: OP sounds perfect to me.... it may not get you the job but you now have a clear conscience.
Good Job.
... (read in full...)
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