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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How to get many answers to your question.
Q. So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
A. 3 December 2013: I'm bumping this up to newest answers because the last 3 posts asking for advice were WALLS of text...
. MOST important... WHITE space. NO one wants to read a block of text. Use paragraphs with at least two lines between ideas. BETTER to err on t... (read in full...)
How to get many answers to your question.
Q. So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
A. 17 March 2013: Thank you for the reply.
I agree a catchy title is important but sometimes the posters don't have the luxury of picking their own title as the moderators have final say.... (read in full...)
I feel that I am not the best lover for my wife
Q. First of all, I give my excuses for my English. I am from Argentina. I got married 3 years ago when I was 44 and my wife was 42. We met each other one year before our marriage. The thing is that I am extremely jealous of her sexual past. She insis...
A. 29 November 2012: of course you could be the best because when you love someone, it makes sex 1,0000 better.... (read in full...)
I feel that I am not the best lover for my wife
Q. First of all, I give my excuses for my English. I am from Argentina. I got married 3 years ago when I was 44 and my wife was 42. We met each other one year before our marriage. The thing is that I am extremely jealous of her sexual past. She insis...
A. 29 November 2012: Why can’t you believe her? Do you think she lies about other things?
personally, I think this is YOUR Problem in YOUR head.
you need to trust her...... (read in full...)
I feel that I am not the best lover for my wife
Q. First of all, I give my excuses for my English. I am from Argentina. I got married 3 years ago when I was 44 and my wife was 42. We met each other one year before our marriage. The thing is that I am extremely jealous of her sexual past. She insis...
A. 29 November 2012: OP thank you for the follow up… I can address your points…
1. Giving keys to the man before you after a week and you after three months may mean a couple of things…. 1. She learned her lesson with the last guy and didn’t want to rush it with you... (read in full...)
Why make happy holiday memories when we are having a hard time, and even might break up?
Q. Hi everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and we have had a lot of problems recently with money and changing jobs and living apart after living together due to his work placement. Anyway, I have often been really angry at him and ...
A. 29 November 2012: you MIGHT break up but you might NOT..... part of relationships is working through the hard times...
he moved for work not because he didn't want to be with you...
is it temporary? will you be moving to join him? how far apart are you?
... (read in full...)
I just flunked out of college and am worried about my future.
Q. I just flunked out of college and now it means I am going to finish a full 4 years after the people i finished high school with. I am afraid that I will never amount to anything or make a success of myself and will always be on the fringes of ...
A. 29 November 2012: It took me 23 years of on and off work to get my college degree... i have many friends and I'm a productive member of society...
don't give up... just keep plugging along and it will happen.... (read in full...)
My sad and depressed moods are affecting my relationship.
Q. Hi everyone, I have been feeling sad and depressed for the past year and i don't know how to deal with it, i am always moody even my period has stopped coming regularly. I have started a new job about 4 months ago however its a long distance wi...
A. 29 November 2012: To RECAP:
You are sad and depressed for a long period of time,
your body is not regulating your hormones properly and your period has become irregular.
best advice: SEEK MEDICAL treatment.
is your boyfriend nearer to work?
is... (read in full...)
He says he loves me, but then he says I'm only someone he talks to when he's bored. I'm confused!
Q. My long distance boyfriend of 3 months now and I, now live in two different states. We've known each other for a long time and have met a couple of times then. He moved away and then asked me out. So we haven't really met as a couple yet! We should ...
A. 29 November 2012: How far apart are you guys? Is it driving distance? We lived in two different states the first year of our relationship and yet managed once we were serious to see each other every weekend… (only a 2 hour drive)
I always find it a huge red ... (read in full...)
Got caught speeding by a traffic camera. Need advice from people who live in the UK!
Q. I know this has nothing to do with love or relationships but everyone on here who answers always seems very insightful and knowledgeable so I figure maybe you can help me. I live in the UK and I went to a concert last night in Glasgow, which is...
A. 29 November 2012: well don't know about UK but here when a speed camera flashes you got caught and in about two weeks, the owner of the car gets a letter saying you owe the fine.
there are no points assessed to the owner or driver... speed cameras here are a way to... (read in full...)
Unemployment and relationship finances...who buys dinner?
Q. My bf and I have been dating about 8 months and this is the first serious relationship for both of us. When we met we both had good jobs, he still has one but I'm a contractor and so once my last contract ended about 4 months ago I have been ...
A. 29 November 2012: I think from now on if you have him to the house, you need to say "the prep for this meal cost $xx.xx you owe me half of that. IF he does not pay it, the next time you go out you say "sorry you still owe me from the last meal I cooked"
... (read in full...)
What do I say to my ex when she comes to see me to get her back?
Q. My girlfriend of a year ended our relationship over things I've done. I feel like a part of my soul has been taken. She has given me chance after chance, and I've blown it each time. All I need is for a fresh start, and one more chance to prove that ...
A. 29 November 2012: Dear OP,
Ya know we don't mean to discourage you, but here at DC we are about honesty and the honest fact is that you screwed up for many reasons.
Let's look at your follow ups:
First you say you are joining the marines. This is not qu... (read in full...)
I feel that I am not the best lover for my wife
Q. First of all, I give my excuses for my English. I am from Argentina. I got married 3 years ago when I was 44 and my wife was 42. We met each other one year before our marriage. The thing is that I am extremely jealous of her sexual past. She insis...
A. 29 November 2012: Listen to me...
my first husband was very well endowed. it HURT. I hated it.
My current husband is on the small size of average like you and it's PERFECT...
FWIW, MOST women do not orgasm from penetration (less than 30%) alone.... a... (read in full...)
How to get many answers to your question.
Q. So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
A. 28 November 2012: Aunty Em you are so right... I was going to add something about that... but I felt that it was not applicable to everyone... ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have a relationship that's going nowhere?
Q. I met a guy online, we chatted for a couple of years on and off and eventually we met up and started dating. Before we met I was never really interested in him romantically but in person he was charming and kinda grew on me. We've been together for ...
A. 28 November 2012: It's NOT wrong as long as you are HONEST with him. ... (read in full...)
I have a fear of existing. What can I do?
Q. I know this isn't exactly to do with relationships, or perhaps it is but it's more about my relationship with life and the world. I could really do with some help. My problem started about 2 years ago, at least to the extent that I am suffering t...
A. 28 November 2012: I think you need to seek professional intervention on this matter. You have uncontrolled thoughts and fears that can be helped with both medications and cognitive therapy.
... (read in full...)
What to do - we're in love but I don't think I'm what he really wants.
Q. Over the past 2 1/2 yrs, I've fallen in love with a wonderful man and he says he loves me too BUT I have this fatalistic feeling that I am not the perfect match for him. I feel like he should have a financially savvy (CPA or stock broker), younger, ...
A. 28 November 2012: IF you are having a good time then enjoy. WHY do you have to be the judge and jury of who he should love and be with?
IF you want MARRIAGE and he does not, then you must end it.
You are right that he's just biding his time till he meets s... (read in full...)
I really like him, but I don't think he likes me, even though he flirts with me.
Q. So, I met this freshman(I'm a junior) boy this year of school. He seemed great and all at first, but dorky and young. He started flirting with me, or so I and everyone else thought. He always spends lunch with me, he takes my phone, he messes with ...
A. 28 November 2012: maybe he likes both of you. no crime in that at your age.
if you like him why don't you ask him to do something outside of school so you guys can get to know each other?... (read in full...)
What do I say to my ex when she comes to see me to get her back?
Q. My girlfriend of a year ended our relationship over things I've done. I feel like a part of my soul has been taken. She has given me chance after chance, and I've blown it each time. All I need is for a fresh start, and one more chance to prove that ...
A. 28 November 2012: let me get this straight...
you admit to doing things (MULTIPLE TIMES) that warranted her ending the relationship.
She actually forgave you over and over.
You are LEAVING for XX years for the Marine Corp in January (4-8 weeks away)
Now ... (read in full...)
Am I rushing the wedding bells?
Q. I have been in a serious relationship for 10 months with a wonderful man. We see each other every day and spend weekends together. Our families have intertwined and everything is going great. When should I be expecting a marriage proposal? I'm 43 ...
A. 28 November 2012: “when should I be expecting a marriage proposal?” how about if YOU propose?
I love both KC and Honeypie and find them both very wise but I disagree that you are rushing it. IF you know you want to marry him then you should let him know... (read in full...)
I'm 14, am I ready for sex?
Q. I am a 14 year old girl...i am from india...the question i want to ask is that am i ready for sex?...i know this guy since 8 months..we are pretty much good friends...we share everything with eachother..no secrets...he wants to have sex with me...so ...
A. 28 November 2012: NO you are NOT ready for sex.
the truth is if you have to ask strangers on the internet it's not a good sign.
You will regret it. WAIT as long as you can honey
YOU will know when you are ready.... (read in full...)
Why does he not want to chat with me anymore? He said he'd marry me but then started talking about sex all the time, since then I've hardly heard from him!
Q. DC, I had a crush on a guy for close to four years; we flirted, and then when we(me) finally opened up, he told me he had a girlfriend, that he loves and would marry one day. He said we could only be friends..but he immediately offered to hang out ...
A. 28 November 2012: you don't' understand his intentions OP?
You told him to stop talking about sex and since that's all he wants from you, he's stopped talking to you.
it's not cruel... its' a fact of life... you were nothing but a cheap lay to him... he didn't... (read in full...)
Is our hight difference causing our problems with some sexual positions?
Q. hi, im 5ft3 and my this guy im seeing is 5ft11, we havent reached the bf and gf step yet as we're both working non stop and meet only for 1hr or 2 sometimes. there's a substantial height different between us, we stuggle to have sex because of the h...
A. 28 November 2012: not sure what's going on but it's NOT your height that's the issue.
My mom was 5'2" Dad 6'2" they had no problems.
I am 5"2" my ex-hubby was 6'4" NO problems.
if you are not yet boyfriend and girlfriend why are you having sex with him?... (read in full...)
Should I go out with my late husband's cousin?
Q. My husband passed away 14 months ago, we were never a big part of his family his choice...we were involved in family functions and always respected everyone....his mother stopped talking to him 6 yrs before he passed, her choice...I have been ...
A. 28 November 2012: well there's nothing illegal about it.
if you don't care what the gossip mongers in the family will say I don't' see any harm.... (read in full...)
I fear I've been used by a man I met on a dating site.
Q. I have been such a fool. I joined a dating site and met what seemed like a man in a million. He was a good listener, polite and we clicked. He took me for a meal and we ended up at my home, we talked and he listened to my problems and then we slept ...
A. 28 November 2012: “he took me for a meal and we ended up at my home”
That was your first mistake. YOU TOOK what was probably a near stranger to your HOME. DO not do that. MEET them at a public place the first few times. You took him HOME after your fir... (read in full...)
Am I just trying to see something that is not there?
Q. So I am wondering if anyone out there is an expert on body language. Theres this person in my life who well I find quite attractive. The problem is he has a matter of authority above me and is responible for my performance in what I do. I am not ...
A. 28 November 2012: what are you trying to see?
it does not matter if he is attracted to you or not.. he's your boss... it's not a good scenario.
Personally I find that it's not very professional to be touchy feely at work...
I'm very informal at work... (read in full...)
Read sexual texts from my girlfriend to another girl, should I forgive her or breakup?
Q. Please guide me with ur answers. N forgive me for the length. My gf and I are lesbians in a long distance relationship separated by an hour n a half. Newayz I noticed some changes in my gf and how she began to treat me. She stop texting sexual and ...
A. 28 November 2012: I'd break up. you will never trust her. ... (read in full...)
I'm not a fast learner which hurts my employability! Advice?
Q. Hope you can give me some advice. I'm feeling really sad and down for the past weeks. Since I graduated university in 2007 I'm having difficulty finding jobs and keeping them. I keep getting fired because I can't internalize information quick ...
A. 28 November 2012: if you have ADHD can you file for what we call "reasonable accommodations" which are allowances they make to help you do your job.
I have severe ADHD and the attention span of a gnat... I just know my limitations and stick to old things and get ... (read in full...)
How do I get over this cheating guy? He's just found out his ex is pregnant.
Q. Ok soo I have this really huge crush on a senior nd well we've been talking nd been friends for about a year now ok Hey asked me out over the summer but I said I wasn't ready I then asked him when I was ready. He said I'm not ready I'm starting...
A. 28 November 2012: Seniors are 17 and in a very different place than you are honey.
just keep going one day at a time and soon the pain will lessen.
seriously why do you want to be with a boy that's not responsible enough to wear a condom when he has underage... (read in full...)
I'm 22, he's 53. How will it look?
Q. i joined dating site to think i can find a real man.. cauce i wanna settle down.. i met a man who is older than me he is 53 we will be meeting soon 2013.. i just dont know how it will look like if i am with an old man. were open minded in all ...
A. 28 November 2012: He's in the USA and you are in the Philippines. who will be paying for whom to go visit who?
does he have the money to support and care for you if you come here?
with medical issues you may be denied admittance to the USA.
I have no issue... (read in full...)
All my life I've felt like something was wrong with me,
Q. This isn't really about relationships, but it kind of does. All my life i've felt like something was wrong with me, and the more I think about it, the more i realize that I'm a loser, I'm a pathetic loser and nothing I do seems right, I know th...
A. 28 November 2012: I'm sensing some underlying depression here.
I strongly recommend speaking to a mental health professional and seeing if some treatment (both cognitive and possible medication) is in order.
As for having a gf that does not include you in h... (read in full...)
Is she interested, or am I just too lonely?
Q. Is she interested, or am I just too lonely? Ok, let me lay down the ground work. I must be twice her age. and yes I do have problems finding women of my age or any other for that matter. She must be about 25, 6 foot 3, very skinny with a tiny voi...
A. 28 November 2012: I agree with KC
but I want to add that even if you don't DATE you could possibly be great friends if you are game for that.
the problem is if you think of her as more than a friend and she does not feel the same way you will be hurt... ... (read in full...)
We dated long distance for two years. After finally meeting in person, he dumps me, and I can't seem to let him go.
Q. I was in a long distance relation for about 2 years.. I really fell for this guy however he was so mean to me. We always argued and he would make me feel so low. However we did have some good times bt the bad definitely outweighed the good. To sum ...
A. 28 November 2012: So you fell for a guy that was mean to you on the computer? Do you really think so little of yourself that you think all you are worth is some mean guy from a distance?
HE didn’t make you feel low, you made yourself feel low by taking his verb... (read in full...)
Any advice on ways other then oral sex or girl on top, to get my girlfriend to orgasm?
Q. I am in a loving an monogamous long-distance relationship. It's been going swimmingly even though we're both in college. When we do get to see each other (about 5 out of every 30 days) we generally have a lot of sex and its been amazing. The only ...
A. 28 November 2012: She can orgasm with you? LUCKY her. LUCKY YOU. I’m not sure Why you want to worry about something like this… it’s not really a problem. I have never had an orgasm from penetration and I’m 52 with many partners in the past.
Some women are ... (read in full...)
Will I ever have children?? :(
Q. I had been on the depo injection for 5 years until may 6 months ago. There's still no sign of a period. Myself and my husband are trying for a child but to no avail. My doctor never warned me of any dangers involving depo. I have recently read of ...
A. 28 November 2012: This is a medical question best left to a doctor.
However it can take a long time to get pregnant.
... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 28 November 2012: simple... women get pregnant. men don't.... (read in full...)
Worried I'm gay?
Q. Well I'm 13 I like girls, but I'm scared I'm turning gay I kind of get excited when I think about a penis, I get hard when I think of a penis, but I would never want to have sex or kiss another guy I'm sure i was born straight, I mean when...
A. 28 November 2012: you can't "TURN" gay. your sexual orientation is hard wired in your brain. MOST people are on a spectrum not 100% either way... MANY people have the ability to be bi-sexual.
My brother is gay. He knew it by the time he was your age. H... (read in full...)
Do I love my ex?
Q. I want to know if I really love my ex, we were happy and always knew if something was not right and we understand each other. We are still friends and its been 2 months now but he is dating my new boyfriends friend. There was never a problem between ...
A. 28 November 2012: you don't love him.
and I don't think that it's a good idea for us to be friends with ex partners unless we have children with them. Friendly and civil is one thing... friends is another.... (read in full...)
I'm 22, he's 53. How will it look?
Q. i joined dating site to think i can find a real man.. cauce i wanna settle down.. i met a man who is older than me he is 53 we will be meeting soon 2013.. i just dont know how it will look like if i am with an old man. were open minded in all ...
A. 28 November 2012: You want to settle down. Does he?
do you want children? Does he? I can tell you I'm 52 and I would NOT want children now.... no way I am up to raising a child any more.
how far apart are you that you can't meet till 2013?
do you c... (read in full...)
I showed my online boyfriend a fake picture. Now I'm afraid he wont accept the real me.
Q. 3 years back i met this sweet guy through online.Hes very sweet, after 3 years of chatting i never expect i will fall in love with him and he told me he fall for me too. he always say im the sweetest gal he ever met he has my number and we talk and ...
A. 28 November 2012: I’m sorry but after 3 years online, never seeing each other on CAM, not sending pictures etc… it’s really NOT a relationship. It’s more of a fantasy.
He can’t “go away” from you because dear he’s not really WITH YOU. It’s a game.
How ... (read in full...)
My partner is wanting to move out because he feels numb...
Q. My partner want to move out... he has been in depression for 2 years... He has started counceling but after 4 months quit, because he felt the councelor was really not helping..He is taking 150 ml of zoloft. He has been saying that he is numb, not ...
A. 27 November 2012: IF he is numb he is on the wrong meds. He needs to let his doctor know how he feels... NUMB is not good... EVEN is good... is he sure he's not just EVEN? those of us that are used to mood swings sometimes find EVEN to feel NUMB...
meds don't ma... (read in full...)
Do I need to take out clit piercing for a pap test?
Q. I have a pap test this week and I have a VCH (clit piercing). I was curious if I would have to take it out for my pap test? I've never taken it out before, but it's been over 2 months since I got it so it's healed. ...
A. 27 November 2012: I don't see how you would need to but the best person to ask is the doctor or his nurse.... (read in full...)
Cheating father--do I tell my mother?
Q. I am 25 and live at home with my parents. My father has always been somewhat "shady". He stays out u till late many nights and him and my mother have had argued on and off for many years. When they are going through a "fighting stage" (usually after ...
A. 27 November 2012: nope not your place to tell MOM
but for sure you can let dad know you are on to his games.... (read in full...)
I feel guilty that my boyfriend gave up a long lasting friendship for me. I never asked him to!
Q. I have kind of a complicated situation... So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now, and he has been in love with his female friend for a very long time. They knew one another in elementary school, and were rather close. Th...
A. 27 November 2012: Don't feel bad at all. HE did it because he cares about you. YOU did not ask. That's a great thing. HE did it anyway and that's even better. And to be honest he probably did it because it was clear to him that he had no chance of ever being ... (read in full...)
He took parts of our conversation and posted it for everyone to see!
Q. so the other night I was chatting with this guy. we've had a sort of weird past. I thought he didn't care for me and was almost like a jerk. we literally stayed up all night for like 5 hrs talking about nothing and yet everything. he asked me ...
A. 27 November 2012: hard to hear this but JUST ignore it.
it will pass....
... (read in full...)
Should I just get over what happened and get back with my boyfriend?
Q. well me and my boyfriend have been together for six months. i thought our relationship was pretty good even though we've had our issues we always have managed. my boyfriend has messed up bad before, he talked to his ex behind my back, amoung others ...
A. 27 November 2012: Six months is not a long time, especially with a distance relationship and a 9 hour distance is a bit much. I’m assuming you don’t see each other every weekend… so let’s assume you guys spend every other weekend together.
6 months with 2 weekends... (read in full...)
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