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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I feel like he sees me as a mom not a lover!
Q. I'm engaged to the man of my dreams but recently our sex life hasn't been good. I've tried everything I can think of to spice things up and he really seems to enjoy it when we do have sex but it's not making him want to more often. I recently lost ...
A. 27 November 2012: Totally agree with janniepeg. So many men define themselves by their ability to support their family.
He feels totally emasculated honey.. this is so NOT about you at all... ... (read in full...)
I feel like he sees me as a mom not a lover!
Q. I'm engaged to the man of my dreams but recently our sex life hasn't been good. I've tried everything I can think of to spice things up and he really seems to enjoy it when we do have sex but it's not making him want to more often. I recently lost ...
A. 26 November 2012: have you told him how you feel? not just asked him what's going on but TOLD HIM...
would he go to counseling with you?
will he get a medical work up?
it's going to take both of you working together to fix it.
I have to admit that ... (read in full...)
I feel like he sees me as a mom not a lover!
Q. I'm engaged to the man of my dreams but recently our sex life hasn't been good. I've tried everything I can think of to spice things up and he really seems to enjoy it when we do have sex but it's not making him want to more often. I recently lost ...
A. 25 November 2012: It's possible he has the madonna whore complex where men who see women with babies as sacred mothers... the can't bear to have sex with them. IF that's the case he will need professional help.
IF it's that you lost the weight and aren't cushy... (read in full...)
What am I supose to do here ? Don't want to be a part time girlfriend.
Q. So im having some problems lately with my boyfriend that have escalated from his new job. Needless to say at the moment i am currently and unfortunatly unemployed something iv never experienced before as ive worked since i was 15. this is a trying...
A. 25 November 2012: Stop being at his beck and call. Only pick him up when it works for you. DO not sit around waiting for him, let his friends get him if he'd rather be with them.
stop taking care of him when he's NOT WITH YOU.
he will find that the only ti... (read in full...)
I'm 19 and my mother is still super strict.
Q. I'm 19 and my mother is extremely strict what should I do?...okay so here's the deal. I'm 19 and living at home. But don't worry I pay for my food and my rent. I depend only on myself. I'm responsible and really mature. But unfortunately my mother ...
A. 25 November 2012: go pay rent somewhere else.... best advice.
since you are paying rent and room and board you can do it somewhere else... problem solved.
if you can't move out, then continue to TELL her what you are doing and let her blow a fit.
I mean wha... (read in full...)
Six months later I'm still grieving at the passing of my grandfather and feel like people think I should be over it
Q. i know this isnt a relationship question but i'm still grieving over my grandpa's death and dont know who to turn to about it. i havent had a nice year, i lost my horse suddenly, i became ill with anemia and then close to a year ago my grandpa w...
A. 25 November 2012: who CARES what OTHER people expect? I think the problem is YOU think you should be past it and that's unreasonable.
my mom died 17 years ago and I still cry about it.
NOT daily. Not hourly... it's not the focus of every conversation but it ... (read in full...)
Any advice on how to stay faithful to a sick partner who no longer desires intimacy?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for a lil over a year now. He is 56 and I am 49. Roughly about 6 months ago he has been diagnosed with several chronic conditions which require him to be on medications. Here is the issue at hand. He ...
A. 25 November 2012: we hug
we kiss
we cuddle
other than that we have no sex life... I feel your pain...
I masturbate pretty much daily. I don't hide it from my husband... but I don't flaunt it either...
oh and mine never says "I love you" but he... (read in full...)
Bi-curious...
Q. I'm a 49 year old male, I enjoy being nude a lot at home. I walk around the house naked when no one else is around. I'm married for 15 years. My question in this " I enjoy seeing my nude body and am getting an urge to try being bi-sexual. Is it ...
A. 25 November 2012: Well where I stand is a bit more unusual than most.
RULE ONE (and pretty much the only rule) you must discuss with the spouse BEFORE any events.
I came from a marriage (my now ex husband) where we had an open marriage. We both "played" wi... (read in full...)
The much younger man denied flirting with me but I cant seem to get over him!
Q. I am 45 years of age divorced, I met this most wonderful young man but he is 22 years of age although he looks like about 30 he is very mature and intelligent much more than some men my age ,he started flirting with me at work which was very ...
A. 24 November 2012: I agree that your screen name says a lot about why you are so attached to this younger man.
I have no problem with older women and younger men at a certain point, my husband is 13 years younger than I am but:
he's already 39 and does NOT wan... (read in full...)
I am in love but he doesn't want to commit!
Q. I'm in love with someone who at the moment doesn't to commit to a relationship. Right now, we both are good friends, we help each other, hang out, text and call each other regularly. We have grown to trust each other and have each others'backs. When ...
A. 24 November 2012: It's not complicated at all OP. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but he's just not that into you. And when folks ask if he's your boyfriend the answer truthfully would be "no but I would like him to be so I' giving him physical pleasure ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant are there any precautions we should use during private time?
Q. I'm 2 months pregnant and I was wondering if there are any precautions my husband and I should consider during our "private time". My obgyn said everything looks normal for now but just curious of anything we should avoid?...
A. 24 November 2012: Sweetie,
this is a medical question best left for doctors.
but if you are not planning anything outrageous you should be fine...
first rule: if it HURTS at all(even minor discomfort STOP)
... (read in full...)
How often do you have sex a week?
Q. Hi I want to ask peope who are in relationship or married about their sex life. How often you have sex per week? Are you sexually active?...
A. 24 November 2012: depends on the week...
some weeks we are sexual not at all
some weeks we are sexual 2 or more times
the KEY for us is we are ALWAYS affectionate... and always physical.
oh and age matters I'm 52 he's 39 and my drive is higher than ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend of 3.5 years has very little interest in sex anymore. We have a child together.
Q. Hello everyone, I was curious if anyone had some advice on my current situation. My girlfriend and I started dating about 3.5 years ago while in college. At that time, and for around 8 months afterwards we were very sexually active and our s...
A. 24 November 2012: yeah it sounds to me like she is depressed. IT may have started with PPD but that left untreated can remain and continue to full blown depression.
I fear that until she allows treatment for that there will not be much you can do.
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend of 3.5 years has very little interest in sex anymore. We have a child together.
Q. Hello everyone, I was curious if anyone had some advice on my current situation. My girlfriend and I started dating about 3.5 years ago while in college. At that time, and for around 8 months afterwards we were very sexually active and our s...
A. 23 November 2012: Is she possibly depressed?
Is she tired? Because if she's running a home, doing all the child care and possibly holding a job outside of the home, she's tired...
how much are you doing with the baby?
is she working outside of the home?... (read in full...)
Is this an orgasm or not?
Q. I get to the part where I feel like I have to pee but can't go past that is it still an orgasm or no cause I don't get past that part?...
A. 23 November 2012: I've never had the peeing feeling when I have an orgasm.
rhythmic throbbing that you can't control.... now that's an orgasm.
Remember that no matter what PEOPLE say, everyone's orgasm is going to be different for them.... so maybe you nev... (read in full...)
She won't break up with me but isn't talking to me. What should I do?
Q. I've hurt my girlfriend really, really badly and she has given me the silent treatment ever since (2 months now). The first 3 weeks she was extremely angry and now she is depressed and avoiding me. I know she doesn't want to end this but she doesn't ...
A. 23 November 2012: do you two live together?
if so I'd see if you had a friend or family member you could stay with for a bit. And then don't call her. This will force her to contact you at which point you can tell her that if she's willing to talk to you ... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with this man wanting to date me? I'm 25 years younger than him
Q. i met this guy at work he is 25 years older than me. but we have so much in common, and i find him very intersting and i want to know more about him. i love him. we have been seeing each other for about 10 months now. he has told me he loves me to, ...
A. 23 November 2012: “we have so much in common”
That’s good
“I find him very interesting, and I want to know more about him”
That’s great.
“I love him”
That’s good too.
“we have been seeing each other for about 10 months and he has told me he loves ... (read in full...)
Minimized our "social circle." Now have only a couple of close friends. Is this common?
Q. Four years ago I had quite a large group of people who I considered my friends. I met my boyfriend (now fiance) through these people. Around the time that we met, I think I realized that I want to distance myself from these people. There have been...
A. 23 November 2012: WE have one couple that we are close to... that's it.
I have a few girlfriends... that's it.
you don't have to ignore the invites you get from the former friends but if you accept them, be aware it's going to be expected that should you throw... (read in full...)
Should I wait for him to contact me?
Q. I have been with a man for a year now..first six months just dating. I wouldt commit to him due to a new divorce, which drove him crazy to the point he was ready to give up on me...so with that in mind I gave in. I had great feelings for him and we ...
A. 23 November 2012: WOW! You are so back and forth with this guy.
He liked you enough to want to commit. You did not commit. He waited. YOU did commit.
40 texts a day A DAY? I’ve been with my husband 2 years, the first year of our relationship we were living i... (read in full...)
What would you consider this relationship?
Q. Hi all, ... A couple of months ago (after lots of flirting and confusion about whether the signals were there or not) I met up with a work colleague. Cliche but one thing lead to another and we ended up having sex. I went over a coupe more times...
A. 23 November 2012: It's FWB nothing more nothing less.. Cerberus nailed it.
he wont' talk about more because there is no more..you can't "scare the crap out of him" he's just a warm body, a friend to fuck... nothing more, nothing less...
I used to spend the ni... (read in full...)
Need some help from you guys regarding a delusional husband!
Q. Help!! My husband is delusional from day one of out marriage. He is very strong, arrogant and refuses to listen anything negative about himself. He keeps talking about the past and always brings examples from the past and emotionally abuses me. His ...
A. 23 November 2012: you've decided to stay in the marriage (not sure why you think this is the best option but ok)
you live apart (all the time or just during the week?)
what kind of help do you seek from us? it's not clear from your question what you wa... (read in full...)
Bi-curious...
Q. I'm a 49 year old male, I enjoy being nude a lot at home. I walk around the house naked when no one else is around. I'm married for 15 years. My question in this " I enjoy seeing my nude body and am getting an urge to try being bi-sexual. Is it ...
A. 23 November 2012: It's normal for folks to be bi-curious.
Since you are married this is something you must clear with your wife...
that's step one.
then we can talk more.... (read in full...)
Do I keep saying no or give him another chance?
Q. Hi. Me and my ex split just over a year ago, i left him and took our daughter, i couldn't handle his lies, and drink problem. We'd been together for over 4 years. Im dating other men now, he dated a lady but heard he messed that up too. He goes ...
A. 23 November 2012: Once he is fully in recovery (no drinking and has properly worked his program) FOR A FULL YEAR, IF then you two want to try it again, and you are game you can
UNTIL he is fully in recovery for ONE YEAR I'd say no.
I would tell him "I ... (read in full...)
He cried, real tears, but guess what!
Q. Just over two months ago I left my dating site obsessed boyfriend of four years. I accepted dating sites were part of his life and always will be. He has suddenly started trying to get me back again with the same old bull shit and accused me of ...
A. 23 November 2012: I can cry real tears at the drop of a hat. Does not mean jack squat Jeanette. He doesn’t want to put things right. He WANTS what he WANTS… which is YOU till someone better (in his mind) comes along.
Once he meets “the one” he will dro... (read in full...)
Petty bickering. Is there a better way to resolve things? Why do we argue? How I can make this relationship work?
Q. So me and boyfriend are currently discussing why we seem to bicker and have petty arguements for over no reason. And now he seems to think it's not working. The last thing I want is to lose him. I just don't know what to do. He's said to me a day...
A. 23 November 2012: You don’t argue about specific things, He’s sensitive to you and you are sarcastic and critical.
I am sarcastic, my husband does NOT speak Sarcasm so I get frustrated having to explain things to him. IT gets old. He’s critical and I alwa... (read in full...)
Is this an orgasm or not?
Q. I get to the part where I feel like I have to pee but can't go past that is it still an orgasm or no cause I don't get past that part?...
A. 23 November 2012: I agree with Cindy... if you have to ask you didn't have one.
I've had the have to pee feeling it does NOT accompany my orgasms.
When I was YOUNG (single digit age) I called the orgasms I had from the running water in the tub "the tickle" ... (read in full...)
Since we moved in together he's not loving. What is really going on with him?
Q. I've dated my boyfriend for 7 years. I used to go and visit him at his place once or twice in a week. Recently we've just bought a house together and we are now living together. My problem when we were not staying together when I visit him, h...
A. 23 November 2012: If you want to know what's going on with him you need to ask him.
I can tell you that when my husband and I were Long Distance we had sex ever chance we could. Now that we live together and are married, we are affectionate but rarely have ... (read in full...)
Petty bickering. Is there a better way to resolve things? Why do we argue? How I can make this relationship work?
Q. So me and boyfriend are currently discussing why we seem to bicker and have petty arguements for over no reason. And now he seems to think it's not working. The last thing I want is to lose him. I just don't know what to do. He's said to me a day...
A. 23 November 2012: well I need more info.
why are you fighting?
how do the fights manifest themselves?
how long are you together?
do you live together?
are you sexually active?
believe it or not all these questions have bearing on what i advise you ... (read in full...)
How can we make this temporary LDR work? He says he hates texting and hardly ever has his phone on, and hardly ever calls
Q. Hello everyone, Due to financial reasons me and my partner are currently living at home with our families, we have been together for three years. Its quite a distance apart, and with work its hard to see each other. This is why i am confused...
A. 23 November 2012: Hello back,
You say you have been together for three years… now you are apart with your families. Were you living together or just in the same city… IF you were living together and separated to move home to your parents I fear not much hope for... (read in full...)
How can I deal with this? He's blocked me off all his social networking sites because apparently I "moan" too much
Q. I am 19 years old and have been in love with the same guy since I was 13. I've never been with another man and we have never been friends always more but on/off as he often goes with other women. I'm so close to him and his family and for a strang...
A. 23 November 2012: You aren’t close honey. You have an illusion going on. You think you are not worth proper treatment for some reason and are willing to accept his crumbs.
And he gives you crumbs for the following reasons: you clean his house, you cook his ... (read in full...)
Could u help me define if there’s a chemistry between us?
Q. So I’m an Asian living in my country and he’s an exchange student. He’s straight and I’m straight to him and I have no doubt about his sexuality. He has a girlfriend but she can’t sleep with him at night living with her parents. So I usually sta...
A. 22 November 2012: you try to masturbate him while he's supposedly asleep (he's not if he's stopping you) and you ask if you should be MORE cheeky.
I have no freaking clue why he allows you in his bed at night.
for some reason he's tolerating your sexu... (read in full...)
We dated a week, he went to afghanistan for 8 months and I don't know what will happen in that space of time!
Q. So I have this dilemma.. I recently met a guy that I have fallen completely head over heals for, and from my understanding, he has completely fallen for me too. The problem is, he is in the army, and was deployed to Afghanistan a couple days ago. ...
A. 22 November 2012: IT's way too soon to walk away from any other options...
I think you should live your life and email him but don't promise monogamy. Just be friends for right now.
IT will seem like a long time but 8 months is really not a lot... han... (read in full...)
I feel like I guilt tripped my boyfriend into being my boyfriend
Q. I met this guy and we were both in Biology in college. We instantly hit it off, but I was afraid that getting into a relationship atm would make my parents think he was distracting me from school, and thus not like him. So we decided to wait until ...
A. 22 November 2012: ya know you could have just asked him... why did HE need to ask you?
so basically you asked (albeit in a round about way)
and he accepted.
My husband told me that I had to propose to him. SO I DID. he accepted. The END is the same... w... (read in full...)
She's the woman of my dreams but her ex is a thorn in my side
Q. Ok i am with the woman of my dreams.. i would go to the moon and back for her she is just so sweet. But i think that jealousy has gotten the best of me. We have been together for two years, she used to be married and i use to be married, she has ...
A. 22 November 2012: I agree with Honeypie.
she has children with him so she can't block him... but IGNORING his inappropriate texts, emails and comments is the correct way to act. IF she replies, even if it's to say "don't do that" he knows he got to her.... ... (read in full...)
I Don't want sexy undies for Christmas again!
Q. Im dreading my Christmas present from my partner, it will be 'sexy underwear' i dont know why he keeps wasting his money because ive told him time and time again that i dont like it and it makes me feel cheap. I dont feel comfortable wearing it at ...
A. 22 November 2012: Does he wear boxers? buy him tighty whities.
does he wear briefs... buy him boxers.. big old cotton baggy ones...
and do exactly what Wise Aunty BimBim said.
and MAKE HIM REPEAT IT BACK.
I have to be honest sometimes it takes my ... (read in full...)
Ex and I are going on dates, but no title now. Is he using me while looking around?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. We were together every single day living together. Then we broke up cause we were fighting alot. He has asked me back in his life but not as his official girlfriend. He wants to take things slow and go on ...
A. 22 November 2012: agree with Cindy.
New rules for "dates" and time together:
1. NO sex
2. YOU don't pay for HIM EVER.... even if he says he will and you meet him somewhere and he says "oops I forgot my wallet" or "I don't have enough" if you have pur... (read in full...)
Ladies only please: My partner makes stupid remarks about age and offends alot of our customers. Am I just being too sensitive?
Q. I m pissed. Ladies opinions please, as I understood that in this question men are no help, sorry. My business partner who is a guy makes stupid in my eyes comments and asked out customers questions that simply inappropriate. For example, 2 older w...
A. 22 November 2012: I'm a woman.
I'm 52 (and i think I look it and I'm damn proud of it too)
My Husband is 39 and looks 25
when we get weird looks and comments we laugh.
I don't find comments like this malicious.... they are just people who have lousy socia... (read in full...)
How do I build the love and trust again in a LDR?
Q. Hi everyone, Ive been with my partner for nearly 3 years, i love him very much and want to make our relationship stronger. Since it has been our first proper relationship we've had a lot of ups and downs. And because of these we are now living ...
A. 22 November 2012: If he is living away by choice and not contacting you I'm not sure what's going on.... but it sounds like the relationship is over and you are doing all the rowing...... (read in full...)
Why do I keep taking him back when he cheats and is both verbally and physically abusive?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2years now when we started dating we were so inlove and to me were the perfect couple, until 8months ago he cheating on me and he would do things publicly knowing very well I would find out, he would beg 4m to take ...
A. 21 November 2012: you would rather be miserable with someone that be alone.
you are afraid to be alone but aren't you alone now?
he's not there for you.....
you need to get enough self-esteem to know you won't be alone forever... just as long as y... (read in full...)
Is he not that into me? He never makes plans
Q. have been going out with my man for nearly four months. He is 44 and has been single for five years. We get along great and I love everything about him so far except this issue. He hardly ever makes plans to see me. We see each other every week...
A. 21 November 2012: I started my response based line by line... and then I had to stop and read the whole thing and reformulate my thoughts.
I think he's just a spontaneous guy.... don't make assumptions... and don't leave yourself open for him...
make plans ... (read in full...)
Did he really mean what he said or was he just trying to get into my pants again?
Q. I know this guy from a dating site. We plan for our first date out for drinks but he got tied up at work so he suggested to have drinks at his place. Long story short, i agreed to go over only if he's cooking dinner and he said yes so we hang out. ...
A. 21 November 2012: you were playing games.
Honey any woman that goes to a man's apartment for drinks is bound to get at least an attempt to get into her pants..
I agree with Honeypie.. if you want to meet up with him again, do so in public....... (read in full...)
I don't like the way my elderly parents treat my Bf. What can I do?
Q. My parents are in their 80's. Although my BF of 2 1/2 years is loving, successful, employed, and financially secure yet they act very cold and aloof around him. My guess is because he has long hair (IT/science guy). They NEVER ask about him an...
A. 21 November 2012: Congrats on having parents that lived this long. Those are your genes too!
Your GUESS as to why your parents don’t ask about him or why they are cold and aloof to him may be wrong totally. Have you ASKED them? My grandparent’s (long go... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting? How can I deal with this issue? He regards his family as a higher priority over our relationship.
Q. I am in my late twenties and my boyfriend is in his mid thirties. We have been together for 4 years and discussed getting married. One of the issues I have, however, is his relationship with his family. Every Tuesday, he has dinner at his paren...
A. 21 November 2012: Why if you are together for four years and talking about getting married are you not going to family dinner on Tuesdays with him? See to me THAT’S the issue. NOT that he has dinner with his family one night a week.
And kudos to whomever... (read in full...)
Ex and I are going on dates, but no title now. Is he using me while looking around?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. We were together every single day living together. Then we broke up cause we were fighting alot. He has asked me back in his life but not as his official girlfriend. He wants to take things slow and go on ...
A. 20 November 2012: I’m sorry I’d DATE him but I’d not have sex with him till he’s ready to make the commitment.
To me, he’s using you till something better comes along….
... (read in full...)
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