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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Ex and I are going on dates, but no title now. Is he using me while looking around?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. We were together every single day living together. Then we broke up cause we were fighting alot. He has asked me back in his life but not as his official girlfriend. He wants to take things slow and go on ...
A. 22 November 2012: agree with Cindy.
New rules for "dates" and time together:
1. NO sex
2. YOU don't pay for HIM EVER.... even if he says he will and you meet him somewhere and he says "oops I forgot my wallet" or "I don't have enough" if you have pur... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting? How can I deal with this issue? He regards his family as a higher priority over our relationship.
Q. I am in my late twenties and my boyfriend is in his mid thirties. We have been together for 4 years and discussed getting married. One of the issues I have, however, is his relationship with his family. Every Tuesday, he has dinner at his paren...
A. 21 November 2012: Why if you are together for four years and talking about getting married are you not going to family dinner on Tuesdays with him? See to me THAT’S the issue. NOT that he has dinner with his family one night a week.
And kudos to whomever... (read in full...)
It started off well. Am I being overly paranoid or has he just lost interest?
Q. Okay so I have been seeing a guy now for around 6 weeks, been for a lovely dinner and meeting up quite frequently. Everything seemed to be going really well, he was initiating contact every day and asking me when I was free. Then one sunday he was m...
A. 21 November 2012: sounds like he's not that interested....
just move on with your life...... (read in full...)
Was she trying to hint that I should ask this girl out asap?
Q. I met this girl early september and we were friends from the first week really. We see each other every few days as we have classes together and we do spend a fair bit of spare time in between together too just chatting etc. I did feel as if she s...
A. 21 November 2012: yes she wants you to ask her out...
when you go to the movies sit next to her and see if she sends "hold my hand signals"
... (read in full...)
Does building one's self confidence depend on one's own opinion or that of others?
Q. Not sure if anyone will understand my question but here it goes... Confidence = Not being needy, being comfortable in your own skin, knowing you can obtain what you need Does confidence, and therefore becoming a more sexually attractive guy, co...
A. 21 November 2012: SELF-ESTEEM and SELF-CONFIDENCE are just that SELF.... they are internal.
my husband, below average in personality and looks.. but sexy because he thinks he's all that and a bag of chips...
... (read in full...)
I want to know how to increase my libido
Q. hello every body i want to know how to increase my libido my sex drive high so that i can fulfill my pleasure with my girlfriend. i have heared that if i tie a black and red thread around the waist i will overcome evil eyes as well as my sex arou...
A. 21 November 2012: not sure how to increase it but
black and red thread is an old wives tale and will do nothing for your libido.
are you shaving your pubic hair for yourself? are you getting it nice and moist in a hot shower and using a good rich shave ... (read in full...)
I have not had sex yet getting married in 3 weeks and I'm really scared about this part of the marriage!
Q. Hi there. I'm a week away from my 22nd birthday and three weeks away from my wedding. And I have managed to make it all this way without going any further than kissing. And the closer we get to the our wedding date, the more cripplingly nervous I am ...
A. 21 November 2012: What Cerberus said.
Trust me... naked is sexy
FEAR will make it hurt worse... try to relax if you drink have a glass of wine or two but not more... drunk is not attractive...
he's got experience so let him guide you... he knows you ... (read in full...)
I just found out that a man I've been flirting with, is married. Any suggestions on how to back off politely?
Q. Help, At work their is this guy who has been flirting and I've been flirting back, I'm okay with that. But when I wanted to show a friend what he looked like a came across his public Facebook account and found out he has three kids and is marr...
A. 21 November 2012: I work with a man who is a few years older than I am who is happily married and a HUGE flirt.. he likes to hug me… he calls me skinny now that I have lost tons of weight (he means it as a compliment) and he had to have a supervisor (at my request) ... (read in full...)
He's still with the other girl. I told him I can't be with him if he's still with her. Should I stick to my words?
Q. hey everyone.. i recently started seeing my ex boyfriend again.he has been dating another girl since the breakup he said that things have not been good with them for a long time and that he want's to breakup with her but he doesn't know how to gent...
A. 21 November 2012: yep it's a no brainer for me
stick to your word
do not see him till he is done with her.... (read in full...)
I've lost considerable weight. I'm so scared when he sees my body he's be disgusted. What can I do?
Q. I have a serious problem, I've started seeing a guy few months ago, we have been friends fourteen years and always had feelings for each other, was always bad timing. So here we are, we haven't had sex etc yet as I wanted to go slow even though I...
A. 21 November 2012: I lost over 100 pounds with gastric bypass. I had terrible sagging skin... so bad actually that it was reconstructive and my insurance covered it.
I feel your pain...
what i did was find some really cute short nighties with underwires for m... (read in full...)
Is he attracted to me?
Q. Long story short: I was at a bar meeting a small group of male Z-list celebrities. One of the guys from this group that I have a slight crush on/attracted to took my arms as soon as I stepped in front of him and began caressing them. As we proceeded ...
A. 21 November 2012: I'm sure he finds you attractive.
so now what?
I find many men and women attractive it does not mean anything other than that.
Are you actually asking if he wants to date you? That we can't say. ... (read in full...)
He wants to hook up and I don't!
Q. This guy i really like (a lot) thinks I'm hot and wants to hook up... I dont want to- at all! And we had one class together and i tAlked to him a lot but now i dont know what to say or do because he doesn't text that much and i dont go to school ...
A. 21 November 2012: you like a guy that's NORMAL!
he wants to hook up (what does that mean to a 13/15 year old anyway?) in my day and age HOOK up meant to get together... NOT have sex... or be physical at all...
YOU don't want to---GOOD! that means you have s... (read in full...)
Is it common for people to be in a relationship and signed up to online dating sites?
Q. I have noticed this kind of question comes up a lot on this website. Is it very common for people to be signed up to dating websites whilst in a relationship. I have found my boyfriend to be doing it and lying about it. when he is not able to lie, ...
A. 21 November 2012: It's not harmless and it's not right.
He's not risking anything... you caught him and forgave him more than once...
so what does it cost him? a fight... and then back to cheating on you and stroking his ego....
he will do t his fore... (read in full...)
Ex and I are going on dates, but no title now. Is he using me while looking around?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. We were together every single day living together. Then we broke up cause we were fighting alot. He has asked me back in his life but not as his official girlfriend. He wants to take things slow and go on ...
A. 20 November 2012: I’m sorry I’d DATE him but I’d not have sex with him till he’s ready to make the commitment.
To me, he’s using you till something better comes along….
... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with me that my significant other will not buy me lingerie
Q. My fiance MO use to be to buy his ex girlfriends flowers, lingerie and a card I found out. He has never done this with me. Victoria's Secret catalog arrived in the mail and he said look it's Victoria's Secret. I said and so what you going to buy me. ...
A. 20 November 2012: there is nothing wrong with you.
why do women always take the blame?
personally I don't want anyone buying lingerie for me but me.
IF you want it buy it.
my hubby loves VS but he would never buy me anything from there without check... (read in full...)
Is this rude behavior for his adult children to not respond to invitiations to visit for the holidays?
Q. My fiance's three adult children never respond to his invitations to visit us over the holidays. He has e-mailed them, texted them, left messages on their phones, but they never respond. Communication is sporadic at best. The two sons are single and ...
A. 20 November 2012: Listen if he called, he texted, he emailed... and they did not respond, then they are not coming. easy enough to make plans... you send them an invitation with an RSVP and a date that it's due by. IF they don't respond the answer is NO
IF ... (read in full...)
I just found out that a man I've been flirting with, is married. Any suggestions on how to back off politely?
Q. Help, At work their is this guy who has been flirting and I've been flirting back, I'm okay with that. But when I wanted to show a friend what he looked like a came across his public Facebook account and found out he has three kids and is marr...
A. 20 November 2012: How was he flirting?
I'm happily married and I flirt at work all the time... just because I'm flirting does not mean I want to date or have sex with the folks I'm flirting with.
just putting that out there... because while he may actually ... (read in full...)
Why can't I see my husband's computer screen? Why is everything a secret?
Q. My husband and I had to live apart last year after he lost his job. He admits to having girlfriends while he was away. Now he is always reading twitter on his Ipad, and when I asked if could see what he was laughing about, he went ballistic. He ...
A. 20 November 2012: ah so he had an affair while you were separated without permission...and he came home changed and his behavior made you (rightfully so) suspect something.
sounds to me sadly like he wants out of the marriage now.
and he wants YOU to do the ... (read in full...)
Why can't I see my husband's computer screen? Why is everything a secret?
Q. My husband and I had to live apart last year after he lost his job. He admits to having girlfriends while he was away. Now he is always reading twitter on his Ipad, and when I asked if could see what he was laughing about, he went ballistic. He ...
A. 20 November 2012: "he admits to having girlfriends while he was away."
did he admit to this after he got home or while away?
why did he admit to it? did he get caught?
the problem is dear that he still has these girlfriends... you have every ri... (read in full...)
Not for revenge but for my own pleasure I'm thinking of cheating, nothing serious just a one night thing. Opinions please!
Q. My partner and I have been together for 5 years up until recently we were engaged, have 2 children and were trying for a 3rd. During this time he has cheated on me twice that I know of. The first was for the first 12 months we were together...
A. 20 November 2012: Ok so even though he’s a dog you will defend his right to mistreat you. Accepted.
Now what you want is PERMISSION to have a ONS and see how it feels?
It will feel lousy.
I think that Karlos is correct… discuss with him having an open relat... (read in full...)
He makes me jealous on purpose and then when I talk about it he says I'm nagging! How do I stop letting him bother me and act unconcerned?
Q. Anytime my boyfriend gets me jealous and I talk he says am nagging and complaining..I feel hurt whenever he says that to me..I want to stop asking him for explanation for the things he does to piss me,Pls how do I act like I don't care about what he ...
A. 20 November 2012: what is he doing that makes you jealous? he can't make you jealous without your feeding into it... if my husband sat on another woman's lap I would not be jealous I would laugh and say "you can have him".... because I know he's not interested in ... (read in full...)
I seem to be making all the effort, should I end the relationship?
Q. I have been in a relationship where I have mostly been at school and overseas for work and my man was home. Our relationship has lasted seven years. He hasn't been able to make money for awhile now. I usually am the one always making the calls or ...
A. 20 November 2012: stop calling and texting...
you've been with him 7 years and everything with him is maybe right?
he's not going to take the next step honey.
time to cut bait and move to a new fishing hole...
... (read in full...)
Whats on this older mans mind?
Q. so quick summary : i'm 19 and go gym very often this guy lets call him 'S' is 30, yeah its abit of an age difference. ('S'works at the gym) we make alot of eyecontact and smile and flirt etc ...hes never too foward with the flirting, we have ...
A. 20 November 2012: Well 19 to 30 is just 11 years…. Sounds worse than it is… except 19 is still very young and 30 should be settled… of course since the woman is 19 and the man is 30 it might work…
Because your feelings are growing, you give more credence... (read in full...)
I'm sick of being so low down on his priorities and his ex's demands, how do I tell him I've had enough?
Q. Right guys is it me here? Wrote post before about partner. Don't live together, he has daughter of 4 I have two boys. I don't have to deal with my ex as my boys are teens now, been with my man 3 years his ex has another man of 3 years now and ...
A. 20 November 2012: how about you let him read this post...
... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a well-dressed man to find an average dressed woman attractive?
Q. I see this guy every day and every time we pass each other the flirting is intense. This guy is gorgeous and I love his mannerisms and find him intriguing, and would love to get to know him further. The only issue I have is that he very well ...
A. 20 November 2012: oh please... go for it...
i dress as fashionably as I can at my advanced age... i can't wear heels any more due to my back... but other than that i'm fashionable... to the point of looking a bit like mutton dressed as lamb.
my husband.... (read in full...)
Questions about pregnancy
Q. I've just recently found out that I'm pregnant with our first child and its a wonderful time for both myself and my boyfriend but I have a few questions that hopefully you could help me with. 1) I've always exercised a lot, walking, running...
A. 20 November 2012: Congrats on the baby…
hopefully you could help me with.
1) I've always exercised a lot, walking, running etc. Is it alright to carry on? Can I still do sit-ups?
Yes you can continue to exercise and you should. I would suggest Prenatal Yoga as... (read in full...)
Met a guy online, going to meet him soon.
Q. So I met this guy on this online forum and he started talking to me first. He thought I was a guy and we were talking for a bit until he asked my number and texted me. It wasn't until he asked my name did he find out I was female. haha I just came ...
A. 20 November 2012: “Do you think he likes texting me as much as I like texting him?”
Umm yeah I do since he texts you pretty much every day…. Why would you think he would do something he doesn’t like doing?
“Would it be annoying to him if I texted him first... (read in full...)
Inspiration to keep me motivated???
Q. Hey everyone, I have my final exam in december and I'm looking for inspiration quotes I could hang around the bedroom, that would keep me motivated and it would encourage me to study harder.. Thank you.. Ps:I know this is a not a relationship que...
A. 20 November 2012: are your grades important for a scholarship or loan?
will you have to pay your parents back if you fail?
that would motivate me way more than some silly affirmations or motivational saying. maybe it's the way i see the world but I don't fi... (read in full...)
How do I get over this mental attachment, this relationship to him?
Q. I have had feelings for a man for almost a decade now, but until recently I have never done anything to encourage any emotional response from him due to the fact that he is married. However, my life has been turned upside down now that I have ...
A. 20 November 2012: You should get away from him. I loved my x-husband but when i met a man who stimulated me mentally, my marriage died. I'm now married to the brain.... and I still love his mind...
you need to not contact this guy.... and find a new outlet t... (read in full...)
Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? We never had 'the talk'!
Q. Well this guy and I met online. We have been seeing each other for about a month now. He is a navy corpsman (doc) who is stationed with the marines. Everything has been great he texts me a few times through out the day but doesn't blow up my phone. ...
A. 20 November 2012: he's spending time with your family
he's introducing you to friends and co-workers
while he should have asked if you wanted to be totally committed and monogamous he has not but I'm betting he's making the assumption.
since he introduced y... (read in full...)
What would you do if your significant other said their ex's name during sex?
Q. My wife and I have been together for 3 years. The other night we were in the middle of sex and she said another man's name. More importantly it was her ex's name. She tried to play it off like it didn't happen. Has anyone been in this situation ...
A. 20 November 2012: isn't this why you only moan "oh baby" and "OH MY GOD" during sex... never say a name...
I think i'd be hurt... not sure if I would end the relationship...
i mean yes it's during sex so that makes it more intimate but to be hones... (read in full...)
How does a much older man approach a young woman who hates men?
Q. I too have a propensity for endearment for a woman 21 years younger than me. I have watched her evolve from a 23 year old girl to a 31 year woman and have gone from a crush to something else much stonger. Only problem is that she hates men due to...
A. 20 November 2012: Actually OP it’s not a stupid question at all. How were we to know your history without you saying something… people come on here all the time and post questions and some of them are 40 year old virgins with NO experience. Some are Autistic or ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't accept that I have to communicate with my baby's daddy. How can I get this to work?
Q. My boyfriend and I have just separated over the fact that I have to communicate with my baby's daddy. He feels that I am to only speak to him when it comes to the child face to face and not over the phone. I told him how this would be when my baby ...
A. 20 November 2012: You can't make it work. I'm sorry. If he can't accept that you will have frequent contact with the father of your child then he's not ready to be in a relationship with a mother...
When my first husband and i separated, my kids were 3 and 5... (read in full...)
Been with boyfriend for 7 years. Why won't he commit?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man for more than seven years now. He hardly makes the effort to call or ask to see me and I'm always the one asking when I'm going to see him or asking him to SMS me or I end up always the first to call or SMS. ...
A. 20 November 2012: I have found always that a man who wants to commit to a woman does so within 2 years of meeting her and by 6 months they usually know they are going to commit.
After 7 years and the way he treats you it's time for you to end it... he's n... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend lie and get angry when I ask about his friends?
Q. hiya, im in love with my partner and adore him, he has said he is more comfortable with me than anyone, and i feel the same about him. but for some reason whenever i ask how things are, or what hes up to for the weekend he lies about what hes d...
A. 20 November 2012: usually folks that get angry when asked questions are hiding something.
perhaps he has a lady friend that he feels strongly about...
I hate to say this but a 2 hour drive is NOTHING, my husband and I did that for a year until he moved to be... (read in full...)
I'm trying hard not to push him away, but have I lost my chance?
Q. hello, ive been with my partner for nearly 3 years a lot has happened between us, good and bad, and i feel completely comfortable and happy when im with him. everything feels right with him. but because of his background with women and my inexpe...
A. 20 November 2012: It's not your fault and you are not pushing him away
he's danging you by a thread of hope....
personally if after a 3 year relationship and 6 months apart if he says he does not know what he wants, he's LYING.
He wants you to be availa... (read in full...)
Would you stay with your husband for monetary reasons only
Q. My friend has decided to stay with her husband for monetary reasons despite not being happy with him. He makes six times as much as her and she is barely getting by at her low income job. She got laid off from a great job and so did many others ...
A. 20 November 2012: And to be honest, in thinking more about it I can tell you that she will probably stay till the bad outweighs the good.
Life may not be perfect for her but it's probably better than she leads on.... ... (read in full...)
Would you stay with your husband for monetary reasons only
Q. My friend has decided to stay with her husband for monetary reasons despite not being happy with him. He makes six times as much as her and she is barely getting by at her low income job. She got laid off from a great job and so did many others ...
A. 19 November 2012: there was a time you stayed married no matter what.
in this day and age I think that we have made marriage disposable... I for sure am guilty of that...
if he treats her well (he's not beating her, they are civil and put up a good front for ... (read in full...)
How do I get read of this "friends with benefits"?
Q. Hi! Ok I know this is gone sounds trivial but I need help with it!! I met this guy a while back we went for a few drinks and hit it off , I explained to him that I was not looking for anything serious and that what I needed at the moment was pure...
A. 19 November 2012: you just keep telling him your busy and can't make time...
he'll get the message.
but don't you feel that as a service to him it would be better to help him learn to be a good lover?... (read in full...)
What is going on with the married man I'm involved with?
Q. I am involved with a married man who came on strongly via email and text. He has a very stressful time consuming job, but found time to spend with me on the phone, and write long romantic letters. We have seen each other twice. At the beginning, he ...
A. 19 November 2012: Honey he's married. What wrong with him is probably that his wife is starting to figure out that he's got a little bit on the side and he's not going to risk upsetting her.
Why do you think so little of yourself that you are willing to a... (read in full...)
Should I try to contact this model? I don't know him but I'd like to get to know him, maybe have a relationship.
Q. I'm a 25 yr old woman, I'm attracted to a male model, He's gorgeous! The guy isn't a well known model, so it's not like he might have a massive ego. The pictures of him are 2 years old and it doesn't seem like he has had any new work as a model. I...
A. 19 November 2012: I’m attracted to lots of pictures of people. I have no hope or dream of meeting them. Let’s see you live in the UK. Does he live here in the USA?
Do you know his name?
Do you know his age?
Do you know his sexual orientation?
Do you kno... (read in full...)
Will my cheating ex ever look back and regret her actions?
Q. Having recently come out of a five year relationship where I have just found out she lied and deceived me from day one, where I have just learned she was seeing others behind my back; I was wondering if there will ever come a time when she will look ...
A. 19 November 2012: I'm sorry you are hurting so badly but I agree with Cerberus why does it matter what she does if she's your ex?
I know that you want her to call you and say what a fool she was and how stupid she was and that your the best thing since sliced b... (read in full...)
How does a much older man approach a young woman who hates men?
Q. I too have a propensity for endearment for a woman 21 years younger than me. I have watched her evolve from a 23 year old girl to a 31 year woman and have gone from a crush to something else much stonger. Only problem is that she hates men due to...
A. 15 November 2012: I ask your heart "how does it feel to want?"
you have several things going against you:
1. she's a co-worker and it's NEVER a good idea to date a co-worker... if it does not work out ONE of you will have to either find a new job or cope wi... (read in full...)
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