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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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What happened here on Dear Cupid, guys? What's so bad about trying to fix a relationship rather than just jumping immediately to divorce?
Q. I've been coming on this site since I was 16 and used to get great, friendly advice on how I should handle my relationship problems. I came here looking first solution to fix things. I don't know what happened in the past three years, but friendly ...
A. 20 February 2013: Sometimes however, the true help a person needs, is NOT what they WANT to hear....
Support is like an under wire bra, often needed, often uncomfortable but very helpful.....
we don't want to hear the bad news.
we don't' want to think tha... (read in full...)
Together 20 years. He says he's only just started watching porn. How do I recover from this?
Q. My husband and I have been together 20 years. My husband has never been interested in porn and if he has been he's hidden it all these years. Recently I walked in on him watching porn he said he'd just started watching it the last 6 months and h...
A. 19 February 2013: well if the last post was the OP then there are some things that are a problem:
if he was pretending it was distasteful to him and was watching it behind the OP's back and LYING about it... well then he's lying and that is a betrayal and that is ... (read in full...)
My wife confessed that she cheated and our 4 year old daughter isn't mine. How do we proceed from here?
Q. I'm 32, and my wife's 31; been together for 9 years now. We have a 5-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter. Last night she told me she had something to confess; I asked her what it was, and she admitted to me: "Our 4-year-old daughter isn't m...
A. 19 February 2013: if the affair was 8/09 the baby was born 5/10 the child will be THREE this year...
so maybe the dates are off...
either way this is my take on this is exactly what SageOldGuy said...... every word of it
anyone can produce an... (read in full...)
Am I cheating? Can I have a LDR?
Q. I Moved to a new city, a new school and really started liking this guy who is a very nice loving guy. we told each other our feelings and made out a couple of times, but i told him i don't want a relationship now as we need to study really hard. ...
A. 19 February 2013: well you either have a local boyfriend or you have an LDR but you can't have both and if you are in a relationship LDR right now AND seeing this local boy you are doing both of them wrong..
but I have to be honest....
at 16 I don't think... (read in full...)
Should I ignore the comment my older boyfriend made about me wanting to be in bed with both him and his son?
Q. I'm upset about a "joke" that my boyfriend made today. My boyfriend is much older than i am ( he is 21 years older than i am, and i am only a year and a half older than his son!). He hasn't seen his son much though since his son was four years old. ...
A. 19 February 2013: I get how your bf feels. I'm 13 years older than my husband. my younger son who he is friendly with is 13 years younger... I don't obviously worry about him being friends with my son or sleeping with him but I do note that he is closer in age ... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you date a freshman if you were a senior?
Q. Hi, I have a quick question, mainly for the guys out there. If you were a college senior, would you date a freshman? I'm asking this because the guy I like is going after a girl who is a senior like him. The thing is she looks a lot like me, not to ...
A. 19 February 2013: It may be that her insides are different than your insides and they match better...
It's really not about who's prettier.... that's for when a guy wants eye candy on his arm to impress others... when he wants to find someone to really have a r... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hasn't yet said that he loves me. Do I suck it up and accept the relationship for what it is or am I wasting my time?
Q. Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for just over three years now. He has been married before but his wife died of a short term illness. We have a great relationship. He is sweet, kind, generous and am really happy being with him…..except he ...
A. 19 February 2013: My dad lost his wife of 48 years after a terminal illness... he NEVER left her side and even though she BEGGED HIM TO REMARRY (I was in the room and watched this) he told her "I will date, I might even live with someone but I'll never get married ... (read in full...)
Continuous bleeding for 1 month after taking emergency contraceptive pill.. NORMAL?
Q. I had protected sex with my partner in the 2nd week of jan. Within 12 hours i took an emergency contraceptive pill. within 1 week after this i started getting slight vaginal bleeding from around 14 or 15 of jan.On 26 jan we again had unprotected sex ...
A. 19 February 2013: you need to see a medical professional with these questions.... (read in full...)
I don't want to start anything with a much older co worker but want to see where it goes!
Q. I've been flirting with a man at work for several months now, he flirts back and has openly told me he likes me, hes quite a bit older tho, im 22 and he is 54, he bought me 12 roses for Valentines day this year, we worked together last night and I ...
A. 19 February 2013: Either you don't want to start anything or you want to see where it goes.... it's ONE or the OTHER it can't be both.
I will tell you that rarely do work relationships where you met at work, work out.... and if that happens will you be able to ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to lose interest in sex after having a baby?
Q. hey, i need to know if it's normal to lose all interest in sex when you have a baby, as it's becoming an issue btwn me and my fiancee. We've been together 2yrs, very happy, engaged and live together. Usually sex was fun, satisfying spontane...
A. 18 February 2013: totally normal... and as long as you are nursing it will continue to some degree.
my husband (then) used to come home after my being home with two nursing kids all day and would go to touch me and I would be touched out and I would say "you can... (read in full...)
Have I spoiled my last child to the point where he doesn't want to grow up?
Q. Dear Cupid ,I have raised my children from babies to adults my daughter has graduated and has a job and moved on with her life. Now my son is the last one with me at home he will be 18 in nine months I told him his gravy train will end on his eigh...
A. 18 February 2013: Heck I'm nearly 53 and I still get gifts and stuff from daddy....
at 18 he will graduate from high school... what's going on for college?
my younger son went to college (thanks to grandpa) and when he graduated he needed for a bit to live wi... (read in full...)
I don't want kids!
Q. I'm a 23 year old male with a 23 year old girlfriend. We have been together since we were 17ish, had 1 or 2 breaks, but now were serious and committed. I live with her mum dad and sis, and have done for a couple of years now. We are happy and ha...
A. 18 February 2013: "I don't think I want them " is very different from "NO I DO NOT WANT KIDS EVER!"
reluctantly agreeing to one child is NOT saying "NO I DON'T WANT KIDS EVER"
go to her and say "ya know you are bullying me... I DON'T WANT KIDS EVER and t... (read in full...)
He says the problem is the condoms -- should we try a different brand?
Q. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 39. We've been seeing each other for a while now and things are escalating pretty quickly in the physical side of our relationship. I'm a virgin. He's not. I want him to be my first. But every time we try to have sex, he ...
A. 18 February 2013: C. Grant makes a great point.... what pressure on a middle aged guy a young virgin....
it may be performance anxiety.
Durex has never been my favorite brand... and condoms well I never used them for birth control as I don't trust them. I... (read in full...)
Do good looking girls get put on a pedastal?
Q. Are men more likely to put you on a pedastal at the beginning of a relationship if they find you very good looking? ...
A. 18 February 2013: I don't think it's based on looks.
if a man is with a woman he loves he sees her as the most beautiful perfect thing and he puts her on the pedestal.
it's not a good place to be. my last husband had me on one.... oy when you fall... it's har... (read in full...)
Some thoughts on retroactive jealousy
Q. I was thinking about my wife's past (again) and experiencing retroactive jealousy. I'm trying to root this out of me. It is the wise thing to do. Anyhow, I want to know what others going through this think of what I'm about to write. Recen...
A. 18 February 2013: Personally for me the most intimate part of my body is my brain and my heart... not my body.
I can control my brain and my heart...
just saying.... (read in full...)
I need to buy some pills that help me last longer sexually. I don't know what to buy!
Q. hey i need help..everytime i have sex i only last 3min! sometimes even less! i always had this problem there been a couple of times i really last 30 minutes but that was a long time ago. im thinking of buying some pills but i dont know which on...
A. 18 February 2013: there are no pills that I know of that make you last longer
Silas has good advice
the sensation is what's the issue
the make numbing cream for the penis and thick condoms may help
also having an orgasm before you have sex may help r... (read in full...)
Should a man pay support if the ex wife is working?
Q. Hi everybody.... If Somebody aware of this answer my question. my relative age 30, married to a woman and got divorced with 2 year daughter. child is with her mother. she had put case to provide some amount monthly. but she is working.... no...
A. 18 February 2013: both parents pay to support the child. if the child primarily resides with one parent the non-custodial parent should pay an amount to the custodial parent for the care feeding and upbringing of the child.
if they are not sure how much to pay t... (read in full...)
My online guy has a girlfriend, why is he on a site for meeting people then? Where should I go from here with this?
Q. I've been chatting to a guy for aaaaages online. He's 27, I'm 19 but we really get on... like his sense of humour is completely on track with mine and we chat pretty much everyday. He lives about 3 hours away currently but knows I'm moving up there ...
A. 18 February 2013: he's a liar and a cheat.. if he cheats on his current gf by going online and finding young naive women to toy with then he will cheat on you.... (he's cheating with you now)
he's NOT happy in his relationship... if he was he would not be on the s... (read in full...)
Why hasn't this guy replied to my facebook message?
Q. I added the guy I like on Facebook and all my friends have been telling me to message him, three weeks later after a lot of persuasion I sent him "Heyy (:" I sent this on Wednesday, he has been online since as he has added people and liked pages but ...
A. 18 February 2013: what should a response to HEYY be?
HOOOOOO!
... (read in full...)
I thought we had a good time, he said he'd call but he didn't. Why?
Q. I have been casually dating this guy for a couple of weeks, we met on a dating site so I know he wants a relationship. Our dates have been great (at least I think so) consisting of dinner, drinks, and cuddling or making out while watching movies. I ...
A. 18 February 2013: well the truth is that just because he's on a dating site does not mean he's not looking for sex or a good time...
if you are supposed to go out on saturday night he should call probably wendesday.....
it's very early in the relationshi... (read in full...)
I haven't given my b/f oral sex. Is that a bad thing?
Q. The guy I am seeing is really great and patient because I have only ever had sex with one other guy so I am still a bit new to all of this. My best friend was so shocked because he has gone down on me and I haven't on him. She made it sound like a ...
A. 18 February 2013: folks that give oral sex just to get it are doing it for the wrong reason.
you give something to someone you love because you want to not because of what it gets you in return....
my hubby won't/can't do oral but i give him all the time.
... (read in full...)
Together 20 years. He says he's only just started watching porn. How do I recover from this?
Q. My husband and I have been together 20 years. My husband has never been interested in porn and if he has been he's hidden it all these years. Recently I walked in on him watching porn he said he'd just started watching it the last 6 months and h...
A. 18 February 2013: so the question in the first post was (I feel betrayed) "how do I recover from this?"
I'm not sure why you feel betrayed.... and I'm not sure what it is you need to recover from. Has he stopped being the husband you want/need him to be du... (read in full...)
Is it normal for my b/f to be this close to his female best friend?
Q. Hi Guys, Hope you can help. Ive been withh my bf for 2 months but from the very beginning there's been something bothering me. My bf has got no family, having lost both parents, so pretty much is on his own. But he is best friends with...
A. 18 February 2013: they are only friends 8 months... not long at all... now 8 years I might say ok....
but with them just being friends 8 months, I'd wonder too.
one of them (probably her) likes the other more than just friends....
tread carefully here...... (read in full...)
Where is the line between deceit and harmless white lies?
Q. I would appreciate some opinions please, and thank you. There are TWO parts to my problem. I believe I have met my soulmate. I have only felt this way once before, so I know the feeling. I knew it immediately. We have been together nearly a y...
A. 18 February 2013: "do you like my dress?" "yes"
when they don't like the dress it's a white lie to not hurt your feelings.
are you in touch with former partners (a light generic question that does not require a lie) the answer in this case... YES... whe... (read in full...)
I'm 75% happy with my g/f. Should I marry her in 4 weeks?
Q. HI,Im due to get Married in a few months.When im out with my girlfriend it sounds shallow but i feel im supposed to be with a girl that im more attracted too.I have had stronger feelings for girls in the past but i feel i do love my girl as any time ...
A. 18 February 2013: if you have doubts about her as a person, then i would not get married.
However, if you think you should be with a tall blonde, that's just wrappings.
Hair color changes
height even changes.... people shrink as they age.
you day "i ... (read in full...)
What is the right age to get engaged?
Q. I know my question seems a little bland and broad, so let me try to rephrase... How old should a couple be when they get engaged for the first time? I am 18, currently and proudly dating a soon-to-be Marine. He hasn't been home for a few months. ...
A. 18 February 2013: I was engaged at 21
I was also engaged at 36
I got engaged again at 44
and one last time at 52
in other words
whatever age works for you is fine.... (read in full...)
No matter what he does I can't have orgasm from my boyfriend
Q. Why can't i orgasm during sex or when he licks me out or fingers me? When i'm on my own i can orgasm easily with clitoral stimulation from the pulsations in my shower head, but when it comes to my boyfriend, sex doesn't even feel that good, he is ...
A. 16 February 2013: It's frustrating isn't it?
I have had many partners and only one could bring me to orgasm regularly.
If the ONLY way you can orgasm is the shower head... I ask you to stop using it for a while and use just your fingers... the possibility exis... (read in full...)
Why is he being so distant after having sex?
Q. So my best friend told me over the Christmas holidays that he has liked me for a long time but never had the courage which was fantastic because I really liked him too. We started hanging out more at school and going to the movies. I was still sort ...
A. 16 February 2013: TO you what does "i want to be boyfriend/girlfriend but not have a relationship" mean??
to me it means FWB... or fuck buddies
in other words he wants sex but no commitment.. that means he does not have to account to you for his actions, ... (read in full...)
What happened here on Dear Cupid, guys? What's so bad about trying to fix a relationship rather than just jumping immediately to divorce?
Q. I've been coming on this site since I was 16 and used to get great, friendly advice on how I should handle my relationship problems. I came here looking first solution to fix things. I don't know what happened in the past three years, but friendly ...
A. 16 February 2013: I think it depends on the problem.....
I also think that some folks don't want true advice but rather give information that will give advice they seek....
and I think that many folks do not get the whole idea of what true support and th... (read in full...)
My wife wants to have a child, I dont. What should we do?
Q. I’m 31 year old man and I’m having a trouble in my marriage. My wife ( she's 32) wants a child, I don’t. We are married for 4 years. We discussed this subject many times before our marriage. I told her I never want to have children and asked whether ...
A. 16 February 2013: IN many cases here in the states the problem with him getting a vasectomy is that his doctor will request that his wife be aware of it... it's not fair or right but in the states the belief is that most folks will want kids and if you are married ... (read in full...)
Some thoughts on retroactive jealousy
Q. I was thinking about my wife's past (again) and experiencing retroactive jealousy. I'm trying to root this out of me. It is the wise thing to do. Anyhow, I want to know what others going through this think of what I'm about to write. Recen...
A. 16 February 2013: I don't much get the whole RJ thing and I try hard to understand it.
OP I think your list is AWESOME... have it made into a counted cross stitch... frame it and read it every day..
You sir, I tip my hat to! You are being the most proactive I... (read in full...)
My married boss and I have feelings for each other. How can I end this without leaving my job?
Q. Dear Cupid ,this guy at work we have the hots for each other. Problem being he is married and he is the boss to a certain extent. He and I went on conversating with one another talking about the ages of my kids and so on so forth then all of a sud...
A. 16 February 2013: You have lust for him OP. Other than this one time he zoned out on you is there any other indication from him that he wants an affair with you?
has he told you he feels this way for you or are you basing it on what he does vs what he says?
... (read in full...)
Should I just flirt with this other woman and tell her it can't go further? Trouble is I love my partner but the sex could be better.
Q. I need advice for a problem I'm having. I. engaged to be married to my lovely partner. She looks after me, is caring, loves me, and I love her lots too. There is no doubt in my mind that I am doing the right thing marrying her. The only thing ...
A. 16 February 2013: iAmHereToHelpYou is spot on
there is no emotion in fun flirting.... if you have feelings for someone then if you are partnered you are playing with fire.
I'm happily married. I'm an outrageous flirt but I don't consider anyone I flirt with ... (read in full...)
My gf forgot valentines day, should I break up?
Q. its valentines day. long story short. im in a ldr with a girl because of her school but we see each other often. im affectionate, romantic, gentleman kind of guy and she is not much affectionate, she never let her guard down, she is cold as a snow ...
A. 16 February 2013: from your update OP I can tell you, that this girl will never be the wife you want.
she's not one to talk about her feelings. her actions speak for her.
I much preferred being told I love you by my partner...every other man I've ever been w... (read in full...)
He tells me it is my fault that he abuses me. What causes people to become abusive? And is the receiver of the abuse to blame?
Q. Dear Cupid Why do people become abusive after being few years in a relationship. Is this abuser's fault? Or the fault of the person being abused? My bf of 3 years was good to me for 2 years but now has become so emotionally abusive. I cry m...
A. 16 February 2013: Not everyone becomes abusive... and it is NEVER the abused person's fault.
Adults are responsible for their own behavior.
IF he's abusing you it's HIS fault.
Do you want help to figure out an exit plan?... (read in full...)
After all these years should I try to apologize for my behavior?
Q. I would appreciate some advice regarding an ex 'girlfriend', over whom I have some feelings of guilt. She was the first girl I ever kissed, when I was 15 and she was 14. We went to the same school and although we didn't know each other there, I'd...
A. 16 February 2013: This is one of those RARE times that I disagree with Cindy.
Making apologies after long healed wounds is not for her it's for you... and it's often part of 12 step program.
Are you sure she knows it's you? 15 years is a long time and people... (read in full...)
Why don't men realise they are being disrespectful when they use porn in a relationship?
Q. Why don't men realise they are being disrespectful when they use porn in a relationship? My ex just says I think it matters more how I treat you when we're together, I don't understand what he means because the way I see he's still in a relationship ...
A. 16 February 2013: I don't see a man using porn to rub one out as disrespectful to his partner unless he's using it to AVOID being with his partner.
... (read in full...)
Is this online relationship over?
Q. i have an unusal situation. i met a girl online. i know many people feel on-line relationships are insane. her best friend told me "your insane, get a real girl you can see face to face, she has a man." i showed this to my on-line friend and she u...
A. 16 February 2013: OP it must be very hard to think one thing and then be told by a bunch of strangers that no one agrees with your train of thought....
it's a lot to process isn't it?
I don't want to hammer at you but at your age, with money and the abilit... (read in full...)
How do I put a stop to this flirting with me by a married man?
Q. Well, here we go again! The married man I posted about before is no longer an issue for me, even though he is still very interested. A situation seems to be developing with this man's co-worker who I see almost as often as I see this aforementio...
A. 16 February 2013: I'm a huge flirt... you can't flirt with someone who doesn't give you something back....
just ignore him.
you say he's coming on to you? if he is being blatant about it... tell him very quietly and firmly "this is not appropriate beha... (read in full...)
I want to have anal sex but when the time really comes I chicken out!
Q. I keep wanting to have anal sex. Like me and my boyfriend are really up for it we both feel ready and trust each other enough. But when it actually comes down to it i stop him and tell him i'm too worried to carry on, i'm guessing this kind of ...
A. 15 February 2013: if fingering hurts you will never survive having even a small penis inserted into your anus...
give up the dream honey....... (read in full...)
I'd like to get together with my physiotherapist
Q. I'm seeing a physiotherapist just after having surgery, she's about 23 years old, I'm definitely attracted to her physically and a bit emotionally, although I'm not good with emotions or love. My emotions are a bit messed up because I still have ...
A. 15 February 2013: she's a lesbian like you?
once you are done with physiotherapy you ca try it... but you have a crush.... you don't really know her...
... (read in full...)
How long before he texts me again after I ignored his last one?
Q. I dated this very good looking man for over a month, and then he started disappearing and playing games. He ignored me for over a month and then returned. Now we're talking again but he's not being very attentive. I don't really have a choice at ...
A. 15 February 2013: it's not a game honey... he's not that into you.
delete his number and go NEXT...
... (read in full...)
My wife wants to have a child, I dont. What should we do?
Q. I’m 31 year old man and I’m having a trouble in my marriage. My wife ( she's 32) wants a child, I don’t. We are married for 4 years. We discussed this subject many times before our marriage. I told her I never want to have children and asked whether ...
A. 15 February 2013: She wants a child
she said she didn't hoping she could convince you otherwise... or she's changed her mind.
if you do not want a child and she does there is only one thing to do and that is to divorce.
there is no crime in not wanting kids ... (read in full...)
My gf forgot valentines day, should I break up?
Q. its valentines day. long story short. im in a ldr with a girl because of her school but we see each other often. im affectionate, romantic, gentleman kind of guy and she is not much affectionate, she never let her guard down, she is cold as a snow ...
A. 15 February 2013: her style does not mesh with yours...
either that or she really is not that into you.
Valentine's day is a big deal for some. like you.
for others... not such a big deal
and for still others... it's a sucky day on many levels for many ... (read in full...)
Is this online relationship over?
Q. i have an unusal situation. i met a girl online. i know many people feel on-line relationships are insane. her best friend told me "your insane, get a real girl you can see face to face, she has a man." i showed this to my on-line friend and she u...
A. 15 February 2013: Sorry OP I don’t in any way shape or form see it as bullying cyber or otherwise. She does not want to talk to you and while it would have been nice of her to tell you she was done, she did not. YOU are left to draw your own conclusions… sadly ... (read in full...)
I don't want kids!
Q. I'm a 23 year old male with a 23 year old girlfriend. We have been together since we were 17ish, had 1 or 2 breaks, but now were serious and committed. I live with her mum dad and sis, and have done for a couple of years now. We are happy and ha...
A. 10 February 2013: while you may change your mind.... I know my husband never wanted kids.... he never had any... and his two stepsons by me were in their 20s when he got them... no parenting....
I know of two couples who never wanted children and never had them... (read in full...)
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