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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My wife wants to have a child, I dont. What should we do?
Q. I’m 31 year old man and I’m having a trouble in my marriage. My wife ( she's 32) wants a child, I don’t. We are married for 4 years. We discussed this subject many times before our marriage. I told her I never want to have children and asked whether ...
A. 16 February 2013: IN many cases here in the states the problem with him getting a vasectomy is that his doctor will request that his wife be aware of it... it's not fair or right but in the states the belief is that most folks will want kids and if you are married ... (read in full...)
My gf forgot valentines day, should I break up?
Q. its valentines day. long story short. im in a ldr with a girl because of her school but we see each other often. im affectionate, romantic, gentleman kind of guy and she is not much affectionate, she never let her guard down, she is cold as a snow ...
A. 16 February 2013: from your update OP I can tell you, that this girl will never be the wife you want.
she's not one to talk about her feelings. her actions speak for her.
I much preferred being told I love you by my partner...every other man I've ever been w... (read in full...)
Is this online relationship over?
Q. i have an unusal situation. i met a girl online. i know many people feel on-line relationships are insane. her best friend told me "your insane, get a real girl you can see face to face, she has a man." i showed this to my on-line friend and she u...
A. 16 February 2013: OP it must be very hard to think one thing and then be told by a bunch of strangers that no one agrees with your train of thought....
it's a lot to process isn't it?
I don't want to hammer at you but at your age, with money and the abilit... (read in full...)
How long before he texts me again after I ignored his last one?
Q. I dated this very good looking man for over a month, and then he started disappearing and playing games. He ignored me for over a month and then returned. Now we're talking again but he's not being very attentive. I don't really have a choice at ...
A. 15 February 2013: it's not a game honey... he's not that into you.
delete his number and go NEXT...
... (read in full...)
He has stopped telling me he loves me and he misses me. How do I save my LDR?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship because I'm away for school. Up until recently, our relationship has been pretty amazing despite the distance. We've had our fair share of disagreements, but they've never been serious and we ...
A. 15 February 2013: sounds like he's guarding himself... how soon can you two see each other? how often are you seeing each other now?
he's going to be pretty sure you're with the other guy...
men often have fragile egos.. (not that women don't but things tha... (read in full...)
My wife wants to have a child, I dont. What should we do?
Q. I’m 31 year old man and I’m having a trouble in my marriage. My wife ( she's 32) wants a child, I don’t. We are married for 4 years. We discussed this subject many times before our marriage. I told her I never want to have children and asked whether ...
A. 15 February 2013: She wants a child
she said she didn't hoping she could convince you otherwise... or she's changed her mind.
if you do not want a child and she does there is only one thing to do and that is to divorce.
there is no crime in not wanting kids ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't seem to want anything to do with me on Valentines Day. what should I do?
Q. Ever since I turned 12, I have always dreamed of celebrating Valentines Day with someone special. I never even had a boyfriend until I was 18. I never thought it would take seven years to be able to spend the day with someone I love. Now I'm marr...
A. 15 February 2013: what about last valentine's day... what did he do....
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didnt get me anything for valentines day, am I wrong for being upset?
Q. The father of my child , did not put the effort to get me anything for valentines day . Yes we are together and have been for 3 years . He doesnt give me anything for my birthday nor our anniversary ,which he forgot about . Today is valentines day ...
A. 15 February 2013: “I didn't get him anything because I knew he wasn't going to give me anything and wanted him to know how I feel”
This won’t work.. he has no clue how you feel about not getting anything… he doesn’t care so he won’t know how you feel or understa... (read in full...)
He keeps and looks at the sexy pictures I sent him though he now has a girlfriend.
Q. So I've been friends with this guy for about a year and a half now. Recently back in the summer things got a bit heated between us and I sent him some sexy pictures. We never got around to having sex though we did admit we would have. It's been...
A. 15 February 2013: are you ok with him having them?
if not you can ask him to delete them but they are on his drive and technically there is not much you can do.
Men, even happily committed men, LOOK at other women.... (most do NOT all but most).. does not mea... (read in full...)
Eight years of marriage and my husband never surprises me with gifts
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 yrs. He never gets me gifts for anything. Not anything when i gave birth to our child! As a matter of fact this year for valentines day we were at a store and as we passed the cards he tol dme if I...
A. 15 February 2013: he calls you fat stupid bitch and your upset because he didn't get you a gift for giving birth???
he told you to pick a card... wow.. that's more than my man did.
IF you need gifts and he doesn't do gifts or surprises (many men don't) the... (read in full...)
Should we have oral sex if I have a cold?
Q. This seems silly to ask but curious minds want to know. I have a bad cold right now, but my boyfriend and I will probably please each other at some point soon before I am better. Will me giving him head give issues to his dick? Funny I know......
A. 15 February 2013: If you have a cold and a stuffy nose I'm not sure how you plan to do this... but if you can pull it off... more power to you!... (read in full...)
Is it bad to want to be alone ALL the time?
Q. I have always been very shy and quiet and only had a small handful of friends (2-3). I don't like being friends with someone I cannot be really close with. I feel those relationships are just a total waste of time and completely fake. It takes me ...
A. 15 February 2013: I think it may be reaction to ending your relationship but I also think a complete medical work up and maybe some counseling to cope with the end of the relationship (even if you wanted to end it it's still traumatic) is in order.
... (read in full...)
My gf forgot valentines day, should I break up?
Q. its valentines day. long story short. im in a ldr with a girl because of her school but we see each other often. im affectionate, romantic, gentleman kind of guy and she is not much affectionate, she never let her guard down, she is cold as a snow ...
A. 15 February 2013: her style does not mesh with yours...
either that or she really is not that into you.
Valentine's day is a big deal for some. like you.
for others... not such a big deal
and for still others... it's a sucky day on many levels for many ... (read in full...)
Do women date guys they have only met once or twice?
Q. Is it reasonable to date women if you have only met them once or twice? I ask this because I'm tired of "hanging out" in mixed sex groups and making friends with women instead of pursuing a relationship. I find this form of courtship useles...
A. 15 February 2013: how else would you meet someone to date?
I think this is a younger generation phenomenon.... when I was 18-21 we had groups in college that sat together at the union and stuff but we never group dated... not even in high school....
... (read in full...)
Completely confused with exes behaviour!?
Q. Hi I am totally confused with my exes behaviour! We broke up at Christmas after an argument. He barely spoke to me over Christmas then told me the day after boxing day that he wanted to break up and he'd arranged somewhere else to live! ...
A. 15 February 2013: he's an ex for a reason
he's not making an effort for a reason
he moved out for a reason
the reason.. he's done with the relationship and no amount of nagging or wanting on your part is going to change what he wants.
if he said once or ... (read in full...)
I think this married man is ogling me....
Q. I could be totally imagining this, so put me in my place if you think I'm wrong. There is an older man I work with who is definitely married but he doesn't wear his ring (you work in an office - wear the ring, right?!) He is very high ranking so ...
A. 15 February 2013: NOT wearing a wedding ring is not a sign that he’s a cheater or a liar or anything other than he does not like to wear rings… my husband never wore rings before me… when we got engaged he started wearing a ring to get used to it.. he hates it but ... (read in full...)
I'm in a relationship I don't know how to get out of!
Q. So this is how the story goes, I met my boyfriend off of Facebook about 2yrs ago, we live close by so we hit it off started talking on Facebook, then it continued onto the phone and then meeting up and eventually dating. He was amazing, nothing like ...
A. 15 February 2013: The first thing that hit me… HE LIED. He lied to you for 8 months and the only reason he told the truth was that you found out right???
You didn’t mind his age but you needed to mind the LIE. And yet here we go…. “oh honey you lied to me bu... (read in full...)
The romantic Valentines dinner and surprise turned out to be a stirfry on the sofa and an iTunes voucher! Am I right to be upset?
Q. So it was Valentine's Day yesterday and my boyfriend said I would be getting a 'romantic meal and a surprise'. I was quite excited and made plans for the rest of the day to show him how much I love him which he really enjoyed (like horse riding and ...
A. 15 February 2013: Wow you got more than I did.
we had plans to go out to dinner and a movie... we are married 4 months this was our first married valentines day...
guess what I got... my husband snoring in bed when I got home from work (well close to it)
... (read in full...)
Is this online relationship over?
Q. i have an unusal situation. i met a girl online. i know many people feel on-line relationships are insane. her best friend told me "your insane, get a real girl you can see face to face, she has a man." i showed this to my on-line friend and she u...
A. 15 February 2013: Sorry OP I don’t in any way shape or form see it as bullying cyber or otherwise. She does not want to talk to you and while it would have been nice of her to tell you she was done, she did not. YOU are left to draw your own conclusions… sadly ... (read in full...)
Why does my husband have no interest in sex?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, two teens, good life, great sex......until about 2 years ago. In the last 2 years our sex life has dwindled to nothing.....literally nothing. He has not touched me in 8 months. He is a ...
A. 15 February 2013: I totally agree with Eddie that you can’t fix this alone.
Since this all started after his last tour, then it’s probably PTSD related. That does not mean he has the right to NOT fix it if he can.
And now you have a decision to make. If he won... (read in full...)
Makimg out w/his new gf while standing right next to me: not classy!
Q. I became romantically involved with a friend I've known for close to 20 years at a time when we were both available and really lonely. We had a ton of fun, shared a very close emotional and physical bond, but since I wanted a boyfriend and he...
A. 15 February 2013: I think anyone making out in public is rude and gross.... I don't want to see it at all.
your correct it's not mature nor is it classy or anything else other than gross....
BUT the problem is that you were not ROMANTICALLY involve... (read in full...)
How to deal with my sex-addict girlfriend?
Q. I never thought this would be an issue, but my girlfriends is sex addict. She wants to have sex at least two times a day or as much as possible. I mean our record is 8 times a night. So to my problem. I really enjoyed this in the first few moths ...
A. 15 February 2013: I'm not sure she's a sex addict... she may have a high libido... that does not mean she will cheat...
If your libidos don't match you have to TALK to her...
maybe she could masturbate a few times a day to relive her stress as long as you tw... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is emotionally abusive but I keep crawling back to him!
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3 years is lately being emotionally abusive towards me, never spends time with me, always blames me for verything. Whenever he get angry and yells at me, says he need to yell cause i was stupid enough not to understand him. ...
A. 15 February 2013: Step ONE... pay for AAA car service so you have a reliable way to get help if you car breaks down again.
That way you don't have to call friends and wait for them...
Step two.. you know your boyfriend is abusive and does not deserve you... ... (read in full...)
Its been 4 years but I want closure. Should I contact him?
Q. Hey, I was really attracted to a celebrity(about 5 years ago). I would watch all his movies,I thought he was really good looking. He was pretty active on a social networking sight we started talking,then we exchanged emails,spoke on msn messenge...
A. 15 February 2013: I would chalk it up to experience and move on.
I also strongly suggest counseling to work through the issues of holding on to a pipe dream if the post is true and if it's not true (and it's a fantasy you have) i suggest counseling even more str... (read in full...)
How can I get her to open her heart? Its been 6 weeks since I saw her
Q. My girlfriend is giving me the cold shoulder and I've done nothing wrong. It's Valentine's Day and we should be kissing and cuddling together not being apart. I don't know how to get her to speak to me. Last time I saw her, her mum screamed at ...
A. 14 February 2013: Have you posted before about her... I recall seeing something similar about a month ago or so????
If you are the same guy, then I get it. You are not grounded in reality about what's going on with you and this woman
You said " I've told he... (read in full...)
We've been married 5 years and my husband sends his ex wife a Valentine's Day greeting?
Q. My husband has been loving and generous towards both me and his daughters this Valentine's Day. However, he sent an e-mail greeting 'Happy Valentine's Day' to his ex wife. We have been married nearly five years. How should I feel? React? ...
A. 14 February 2013: Well first of all how do you know he sent it.... did he tell you? did you snoop and find out? what made you snoop if you did?
for me... well I don't go out of the way to send cards to folks except on their birthdays but I would wish a... (read in full...)
Do I continue to keep seeing this guy in hopes that he warms up to me? Or do I just do my best to leave and save myself from heartbreak?
Q. I have been seeing this boy for about 3 months now. And, in that short amount of time I have fallen head over heels for him. I have told him that I love him, and he says he loves me too, sometimes. He said he doesn't feel comfortable saying that he ...
A. 14 February 2013: “he says he loves me too sometimes”
I take it from the above statement that you don’t believe him. And you shouldn’t. his behavior is not matching his words.
My husband loves me madly passionately and very deeply. He never says it. He w... (read in full...)
Was I being shady or is he overreacting?
Q. My boyfriend and I got in a big fight tonight and I need some advice. So he's seemed a little distant for the last few days, even though he told me nothing was wrong. Maybe he just needed some space, I don't know. Anyway, I was supposed to ...
A. 14 February 2013: OUCH...
personally if my husband is expecting me at 4 and I know I'm not going to be there till 4:05 I will call him and tell him I'm running late. It's common courtesy.
as for meeting friends... we have a rule in our house... NOTHING is ... (read in full...)
What to do when my boyfriend who had cheated before does not care about rebuilding trust and has nearly a hundren women on his contact list?
Q. My bf cheated on me a year and a half ago. I can't seem to get past it. I do not trust him at all any more. And he's not doing anything to help me trust him. He gets pissed every time I get mad because of his 205 contacts which three fourths r ...
A. 14 February 2013: it's been 18 months
he's not trying to fix it
you don't trust him
what you should do is end the relationship.
... (read in full...)
Should I tell her he's been cheating on her with me???
Q. I've been messing around w/old fling who has a girlfriend. Come to find out, she is a really good woman. I feel horrible, should I tell her? I am 27 and we've have had little flings since my senior year in high school. He has always been a do...
A. 14 February 2013: I agree with no nonsense Aidan… if you really felt bad about how he was treating her, you would not be messing around with him. IF You did it before you knew about her and stopped as soon as you found out, then I will forgive you.
But if he’s such... (read in full...)
Should girls make the first move?
Q. curious as about today society. How do guys feel, when the girls make first move? if yes then how a - eye flirtations maybe or wink b- flat approach you with a 'hi' if not how are let know to make a move on us? ...
A. 14 February 2013: Well let me tell you how I got my hubby… I went after him. BIG TIME.
I saw him and wanted him. End. Of. Conversation. We were at a huge gaming convention and I’m outrageous… so I smacked him on his adorable tush… he didn’t take the hint... (read in full...)
Marrying my gay best friend and need some advice.
Q. I have a gay best friend and he and I have been best friends for 15 years. I am 30 and he is 33. We love each other in every possible way but sexually. He is my soul-mate and all I have ever wanted in a man. He treats me better than anyone ever has ...
A. 14 February 2013: IF it works for you two and any other partners you bring to your marriage I think it's great.
HOWEVER... as society gets more and more ok with gay marriage I wonder if later on one of you meets your true soul mate.... the one that you connect ... (read in full...)
Should I leave a rose and chocolates at her door?
Q. A girl im close to being in a relationship with, talk to everyday by txt, and usually call end of the day. She has had busy schedule and is not free till next week. It has been 2 weeks since we met. I know she likes me alot, and I like her too. ...
A. 14 February 2013: you don't even know her address.... umm NO do not leave a rose at her door...
bring it with you on the next date....... (read in full...)
After his friends bailed on him, b/f decided to spend Valentine's Day with me. I'm hurt that I'm his 2nd choice!
Q. My boyfriend made plans for valentines with his friends, and forgot to tell me. I found out, and asked him to re-schedule. He said he is busy with friends the whole week. I got upset. He said we could do it next week. Then he called, saying h...
A. 14 February 2013: ya know what I don't think valentines day is all that big a deal... a card is nice... but to me it's a manufactured holiday to make money...
HOWEVER... if my husband made PLANS to be AWAY from me specifically on valentine's day when there ar... (read in full...)
I snooped and confessed to my husband and now he doesn't trust me
Q. I have been married a while and things were good in the beginning. But I have always been insecure and get jealous and so that made out relationship rocky. He has more single lady friends then he has guy friends and he talks to a couple of theses ...
A. 14 February 2013: YOU hurt him????
he's cheating on you and YOU HURT HIM?
let me tell you something about this woman and "your man"
IF she felt the same way about him as he feels about her he would have left you in the dust for her....
you want HIM to... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is too sick and busy to be with me, and we are supposed to be at the honeymoon stage.
Q. I'm beginning to have relationship issues. My gf is full time in school and works and to top it all off, seems to get sick every other week. Not that it's necessarily anyone's fault, but I'm just beginning to feel like I don't even have a gf. We are ...
A. 14 February 2013: I agree with CMMP... be friends with her... she has too much on her plate right now to be able to devote enough time to a relationship...
... (read in full...)
Husband of many years has changed. Is he cheating?? Or does it sound like he is?
Q. Hi Everyone I have many questions but first let me explain. I have been married almost 20 yrs, I'm 38 he's 46. We have 3 beautiful children 22, 21 and 14. My 1st child is not his blood but there is no step anything in my home, however problems h...
A. 14 February 2013: wait wait wait.. you have savings accounts that you don't know where they are or have access to?
do you have other financial issues that he controls and don't have access to? I would change that ASAP
no i would not force him to go to c... (read in full...)
How do I wow my fiance sexually when his mom is living in the house with us?
Q. hi guys. my fiance is in the navy and is coming home next week. to have a nice suprise i am cooking a 4 course romantic meal.for him. well its not so much of a suprise as he does know about it. however i do want to suprise him and wow him.sexually ...
A. 14 February 2013: HOTEL ROOM!... (read in full...)
My partner cheated on me 6 months ago and I cant get over it, will the pain ever go away?
Q. hi my partner of 20 years cheated on me with a woman he met on the internet, we live in Australia she lives in America. they used to play cards i would walk past and they would be chatting i would try and look at what they were saying but when i ...
A. 14 February 2013: The cheap thrill of the 3 days of sex means less to me than the fact that he has been having this emotional affair under your nose and in your face.
clearly he led her on to believe he would leave you for her..... that's why she tried to break... (read in full...)
How do I let my wife know its ok for her to have a vibrator?
Q. I am a construction worker in Australia, which at the moment means working away from home. A lot. Recently i came home while my wife was out, and my curiosity got the better of me, and i looked in my wifes' bedside table top drawer where i found a ...
A. 14 February 2013: you can't stop her from being embarrassed it's who she is
as for your giving her "permission" to have a vibrator... WOW.. do you really think it matters what you think or say or do? I know you don't see it as giving permission you just want he... (read in full...)
Are all guys like this with their baby mamas? Or just my guy?
Q. I'm only 20 and in my first real relationship. We have been dating for 2 and a half years but he is 27 and has a kid. The thing is he always freaking calls his baby mama and what's worse anything she asks for she gets its horrible I don't know what ...
A. 14 February 2013: Do they have a LEGAL child support and visitation agreement?
IF not, then she may be taking advantage of him... I've seen it with women who think they can bully the dad into watching kid so they can do what they want.
if they do then are they... (read in full...)
Should I be upset that he wants to go out for our Valentines dinner at the weekend?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for about 6 months. Now its valentines day..i know he is trying to save money for a house and i am not materialistic in the sense where i expect us to go out to dinners all the time..i even contribute towar...
A. 14 February 2013: I think you are over reacting. It’s not a big deal to me either… I want a card… that’s all.. we actually are going out to dinner and a movie and I’m dreading it…
He’s not feeling great and he gave you a great alternative…
... (read in full...)
I want to be more than his booty call!
Q. i met a guy 4 months ago started texting wich quickly moved on to sexting and naked pictures met him 8 days after meeting him and had sex with him 10 minutes later ive met up with him a further 2 times but always on his terms. i really really like ...
A. 14 February 2013: Honey you need to let him go. He’s not interested in you as anything other than a handy penis holder.
The problem is HE Did nothing wrong.
Use this as a learning experience... do not sext with a guy, never send dirty pictures.. (NEVER ev... (read in full...)
Wanting to end the distance in an LDR but worry being apart for the whole summer.
Q. So here goes : I've been seeing this guy since september 2011. In December of the same year he moved to the US, and I currently live in Canada. We've been dating ever since and the distance was not a problem up until lately. He's had financial ...
A. 14 February 2013: Oh LDRs are so hard and being so far apart as to not be able to see each other regularly would make me crazy.
You need the program to further your education and your career and eventually your future. This is clearly a case of delayed ... (read in full...)
Why does my husband have no interest in sex?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, two teens, good life, great sex......until about 2 years ago. In the last 2 years our sex life has dwindled to nothing.....literally nothing. He has not touched me in 8 months. He is a ...
A. 13 February 2013: 2 cans of snuff a day will destroy his jaw and his mouth... I do not think it will mess with his libido. It may however mess with his ability to have an erection.
of course at his age (I assume he is in his late 40s or so) he may be starting... (read in full...)
Husband of many years has changed. Is he cheating?? Or does it sound like he is?
Q. Hi Everyone I have many questions but first let me explain. I have been married almost 20 yrs, I'm 38 he's 46. We have 3 beautiful children 22, 21 and 14. My 1st child is not his blood but there is no step anything in my home, however problems h...
A. 12 February 2013: have you asked him if he's happy? If he says "yeah sure" or anything else like that, then you have to ask "can you tell me why"
at 46 he may just be slowing down sexually.
I understand being focused on the kids when they are younger but... (read in full...)
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