Was breaking up with him the right thing to do? How can I bite the bullet and just move on?
Q. Dear Cupids, My long distance bf and I are breaking up and it sucks. We met in the summer and fell head over heels for each other. I returned home after the summer and we kept in touch, however at one point we had a fall out,and we stopped ta...
A. 24 April 2020: Good that you are still moving forward.
IT is natural to wonder how he is doing, after all you dated him and at some point cared enough for him to call him your BF.
However, him doing good or bad is out of your hands, that is up to him. Feeli... (read in full...)
I am uncomfortable with my partner going to strip clubs. Should I go myself to see what goes on?
Q. I've recently had a conversation with my partner about strippers and lapdances. I told him it made me feel uncomfortable at the thought of it and it's inappropriate if in a relationship. I'm now wondering if maybe I've exaggerated it in my head and ...
A. 16 January 2020: I can see that WATCHING your partner get a dance might be uncomfortable, hurt the ego a little but I don't think there would be long term "damage" done.
He wouldn't HAVE to get a lap-dance with you there, would he? For you to get an idea of what ... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend cross a line or did I overreact?
Q. Hello agony aunts, I broke up with my boyfriend about 1 month ago we didn't talk for 2 weeks and he was already dating and talking to other girls (I saw him in the university with them), he came back to me again and told me that he wants me back. I ...
A. 16 January 2020: So much drama!
Stay broken up. You two are not a good fit. You expect him to know YOUR personal rules and standards and when he doesn't you get angry, and when he then tries to rectify his actions you get mad again because they were NOT what you... (read in full...)
I'm so embarrassed at the enormous crush that I have on my colleague!
Q. I'm so terribly embarrassed and I just need to get this off my chest. I can't tell any of my friends so I'm really just looking to confide in someone and for advice. I've had an enormous work crush on someone for about 9 months, who I've actuall...
A. 16 January 2020: Maybe you should work on accepting that it ISN'T going to GO anywhere. I think when you know your crush isn't into you it USUALLY wears off, why you so stubbornly keep obsessing over him I can't tell you.
I can guess though. If you are generall... (read in full...)
Hes retired but I'm not
Q. Hello, not sure anyone can help. I have been dating a man for 1 1/2 years who is retired and I still work full time. How can I stop feeling jealous and wondering what he's doing all day when im at work. I am insecure due to the fact at the ...
A. 16 January 2020: Have you ASKED him what he does all day?
I'm not retired, I work part-time from home and take care of the home. So I have all day to do whatever I want, mostly. But I can't imagine what kind of shenanigans you think he gets up to, for you to be je... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I loaned my b/f money because I wanted to help him?
Q. Hello everyone. I need help figuring out something. My boyfriend and I both in early 40s. He has a full time job, teaches at a university but financially in trouble because of divorce and some business investments. He has a potential as he is an ...
A. 16 January 2020: The best way to ruin a relationship is to add more people OR money. More often than not.
I hope that you AT LEAST had the COMMON sense to set up a document regarding the money, whether it's a LOAN or a GIFT, because REGARDLESS of how long you have... (read in full...)
I am uncomfortable with my partner going to strip clubs. Should I go myself to see what goes on?
Q. I've recently had a conversation with my partner about strippers and lapdances. I told him it made me feel uncomfortable at the thought of it and it's inappropriate if in a relationship. I'm now wondering if maybe I've exaggerated it in my head and ...
A. 16 January 2020: What long term damage do you think you would sustain watching women take off clothes for money? I mean, I'm NOT a fan in any way shape or form of strip clubs or the idea of women being used as pieces of meat, but.... I don't think strip clubs are ... (read in full...)
Should my parents respect that I buy my own food and leave it alone?
Q. I don't know if I'm being selfish or not or if my parents are being assholes but I am 22 years old and I buy my own food because I am a diabetic, and can't have any of the food they provide so I buy my own. My wage isn't that great, I just have ...
A. 16 January 2020: I think you should have used another approach with them than the one you used. I think they are being WRONG in eating your food but I also think they might be doing it on purpose, because they see you "horde" the good stuff and thus they want it ... (read in full...)
My FWB partner now wants to get serious with me but I turned them down
Q. Hi So I met a friend with benefits last summer, we both agreed we wanted nothing serious and were free to meet other people if we wanted to. We both really didn't want anything serious so this worked fine for us. As some time passed, i felt ...
A. 16 January 2020: Nope, you didn't do anything wrong, neither did he (up to a point).
FWB are not really "meant" to last, it's a time waster, basically. It's to HAVE someone without having to commit emotionally or personally, mostly just physically.
The "no... (read in full...)
How can I show my interest?
Q. There is a guy on my course who I have always fancied but not shown him I’m interested as I can be quite shy! It is only recently I realised he is interested in me by some of the things he says, he singles me out in the group and I catch him staring ...
A. 15 January 2020: I have to agree with Code Warrior. You are OLD enough to talk to him. IF you are interested you might have to do MORE than just dress up, for all he knows you might have a date later on and thus dressed up, IT DOES not signal interest per se.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn’t get me a Christmas gift, not even a card!
Q. Hello I have been dating a man for 1 1/2 years. We are both in our fifties. We have had our ups and down like most couples. And I have been very understanding with him and his issues, ex wife and ex girlfriend cheated on him and the passing of a ...
A. 14 January 2020: Add on,
I also forgot to mention, when you TELL someone, Oh it's OK to not buy me a Christmas present I understand you couldn't afford one, or whatever platitude you gave, HE will TAKE that and run with it.
I would suggest if you STAY in a re... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn’t get me a Christmas gift, not even a card!
Q. Hello I have been dating a man for 1 1/2 years. We are both in our fifties. We have had our ups and down like most couples. And I have been very understanding with him and his issues, ex wife and ex girlfriend cheated on him and the passing of a ...
A. 14 January 2020: Don't be petty like him.
I get that you feel like SCREW it, but then maybe instead of JUST thinking about a gift, think about the relationship. Maybe you need to say SCREW it to that as well?
While you ARE a GROWN MATURE woman who should know ... (read in full...)
Should I confront him about his new sexual interests?
Q. I have known my husband for 10 years. We have been married for 3 years and we first started dating 5 years ago. He hated the thought of anal. But i always said i wondered what it felt like. And when i asked him if he ever had anal sex with his exes, ...
A. 14 January 2020: I think your husband felt he was doing it FOR you. If you have shown interest in it previously (and you say you have) then maybe that is why he figured why not?
I might never have been "his thing" and while he claimed " He hated the thought ... (read in full...)
Why am I still afraid to make him mad?
Q. My ex kept calling every week. He called once or twice a week and would show up randomly. He always wanted sex. He didn’t really wanted to see our daughter. The last time he came over he said he still loved me and wanted to work it out. I have been ...
A. 14 January 2020: You know why you two broke up. INCOMPATIBILITY. HE and you are not a good fit. You want different things in life. He doesn't seem to WANT to be a father either.
He wants you back because it SUITS him. He will not CHANGE and he WILL not be the man ... (read in full...)
Was breaking up with him the right thing to do? How can I bite the bullet and just move on?
Q. Dear Cupids, My long distance bf and I are breaking up and it sucks. We met in the summer and fell head over heels for each other. I returned home after the summer and we kept in touch, however at one point we had a fall out,and we stopped ta...
A. 14 January 2020: You DID the right thing in ending it and you know it.
While I GET that you also feel that perhaps you should support him during this hard time in his life, YOU don't OWE him anything.
You being there for him won't make him do better at work, ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend lies about what he does when out with his friends.
Q. I suspect my bf is lying to me about his activities when out with his friends. We had a discussion before where he mentioned the sort of antics they get up to but he doesn't take part. I'm mostly concerned about his activities when they are going to ...
A. 14 January 2020: Good grief!
You want to PAY a PI to stalk your BF to see if he is being truthful or not?
What kind of World do you live in?
Why are you even dating him if you think you can't trust him? And what is that you think HE gets up to?
I have to... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable with the thought of my boyfriend having lap dances with naked girls.
Q. My bf of 5 years recently went on a stag do and went to a strip club. I didn't have a problem with this as he was open about it and stayed in touch whilst away. We have a strong relationship and I trust him due to the honesty. However on a recent ...
A. 13 January 2020: Having a conversation about boundaries is healthy.
My only issue here was his answer. That it "happens" like "snaps fingers* magically he was tied the chair and couldn't say, hey, no thanks! to a lap dance.
Is he that weak? That he HAS to f... (read in full...)
I'm often left out because I wont put up with bad behaviour
Q. How do you balance between nice and reasonable. I feel like I’m kind and considerate of others but don’t feel the same about how others act. For example I have noticed that a friend of mine is very rude and everything is on his terms. He does n...
A. 13 January 2020: Some people have life-long friends, others don't. Doesn't mean you can't make more friends as you grow and be part of their life and they be part of yours.
Why don't they think as you do? Who knows?
My guess is they have grown apart from you, ... (read in full...)
I'm often left out because I wont put up with bad behaviour
Q. How do you balance between nice and reasonable. I feel like I’m kind and considerate of others but don’t feel the same about how others act. For example I have noticed that a friend of mine is very rude and everything is on his terms. He does n...
A. 12 January 2020: Have you asked the "friend in the middle" about it? Because I can't tell you why.
I have never had friend who were "my way or the high way" kind of people all the time, sometimes yes, but not all the times, I don't think they make for good fri... (read in full...)
I hired a PI who tells me my wife has been cheating on me.
Q. I recently found out that my wife has been having an affair for the past two years with a single male friend of ours who we had a drunken threesome with two years ago..that threesome which i initiated wasnt so fullfilling for me, since i had ...
A. 12 January 2020: This is very much the common outcome for many people who think 3-somes will be as great as they are in their fantasies. They instead become somewhat of a nightmare.
You guys had ONLY been married a year when the notion of a 3-some came up? What... (read in full...)
Work team of three, yet I am feeling excluded.
Q. I entered this new workplace about two months ago assured that the new girl and I would be trained equally since she was only there two months prior to me starting. What was withheld until my first week on the job was that she was another managers ...
A. 11 January 2020: I have to agree here, SHE was there before you so her training might have been underway longer which means she is further etc.
It doesn't mean there isn't nepotism at play too, but it IS besides the point.
My advice? Do like WiseOwlE suggest... (read in full...)
I can't seem to get over that my partner cheated on me last year. How can l reconcile this and move forward with life?
Q. I found out my partner cheated when he was out of the country last year. But he continued to call me every evening, said the I love you's, and the I miss you's. He was still plugged into the relationship. I've struggled since to get over it. He has ...
A. 11 January 2020: Why did he expect you to stay home and WAIT for his return?
Because he KNOWS what HE (himself) was capable of - CHEATING. So if he could do that to you... YOU could do that to HIM. He was projecting his own bad behavior onto you.
The thing is,... (read in full...)
I'm losing myself in the process of raising my child and feel completely trapped
Q. I am stuck in a rut and don't even know where to begin. I am 36 years old and have an advanced degree in computer science and engineering. I've been married 4 years and have a 3 year old. I am a full time stay at home mom, not my preferen...
A. 10 January 2020: I think it's time to look at a day care for you son. He is 3, and needs to be around kids his own age, not just boss his mom around.
Day care CAN be good for a kid's development. Having to learn how his PEERS deal with things might be a big bene... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gives me the bare minimum of time.
Q. I'm struggling with knowing if I should stay in a relationship and be patient or if I need to end things. I am 28 years old who has been in 3 serious relationships over the last 10 years. I've dated several people in addition to this. The man I'...
A. 10 January 2020: I get that he is a decent guy, and that is good, he is JUST NOT a decent fit for you.
You can wait until the cows come home hoping he will be comes the MAN you want and need. It's likely not going to happen.
You are dating a "fixer upper" so... (read in full...)
A commenter on facebook assumed I was being creepy.
Q. Hi ladies and gents, I am angry and a little bit sad/disappointed and I can't let it go. A friend on Facebook posted about the amount of layers they have to wear in this weather, going into great detail of the gloves, the t-shirt, walking soc...
A. 10 January 2020: Some people think they have a "right" to call out what THEY see as bad behavior. That they are somehow the Morale Police of the Internet.
Maybe she didn't find the joke funny as it pertained to underwear and she don't know you from Adam. But AS s... (read in full...)
My FWB has gone cold on me all of a sudden.
Q. After a wild weekend away with my FWB she won't talk to me and has gone completely cold. I don't get why though. She seemed to love every second of it. We’d known each other for years as acquaintances but both had messy break ups last year and ha...
A. 10 January 2020: Glad you got sorted out, OP
Maybe it's not a bad thing to consider this girl might be more than a good shag?
... (read in full...)
I'm a single mother unhappy at having to live with my parents.
Q. I’m in desperate need of help, I’ve been with my baby daddy for 5 years. On and off he’s put me through a lot We have been through so many things. The reason why I keep getting back with him is because I wanted to give our 3 year old son the best ...
A. 9 January 2020: I'm sure your parents are unhappy having you live with them as well. IT goes both ways.
You KNOW what the culture your parents are from, you grew UP with knowing the rules, even if you disregarded them and got pregnant outside of marriage... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable with the thought of my boyfriend having lap dances with naked girls.
Q. My bf of 5 years recently went on a stag do and went to a strip club. I didn't have a problem with this as he was open about it and stayed in touch whilst away. We have a strong relationship and I trust him due to the honesty. However on a recent ...
A. 9 January 2020: Honestly, have you told him you find it on the inappropriate side?
And has he so little backbone that if HE doesn't want to do it he can't say no to his friends?
We have have boundaries, doesn't mean your word is now "law" but he can CHOOSE to... (read in full...)
My foster child refuses to attend school.
Q. I have a 10 year old foster child who refuses to got school. I work in the day and cannot leave the child home alone. The foster care agency I am with allows youths to refuse school at any age. I don’t want to give her back she’s a sweet c...
A. 9 January 2020: "She said she doesn’t want to make friends and loose them!!!!!"
Yeah that is not a good enough excuse to not go to school.
Either this is a wind up post or this CHILD has you figured out and is taking full advantage of you.
OF course she h... (read in full...)
Why would a 45 year old man post topless pictures of himself?
Q. Hello- My boyfriend of a year is 45 and I’m 41. He is a nice guy very smart professional and caring. He has been dealing with depression for some times now and I have tried to be helpful. He goes to these lost phases and goes quiet . I know he ...
A. 9 January 2020: Honestly?
It seems rather harmless. Either he thought it was a artistic type of picture, or one that conveyed a little bit of humor or personality, but overall not the kind of "UH UH UH LOOK AT ME!!!" kind of pictures many people post on Instagra... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable with the thought of my boyfriend having lap dances with naked girls.
Q. My bf of 5 years recently went on a stag do and went to a strip club. I didn't have a problem with this as he was open about it and stayed in touch whilst away. We have a strong relationship and I trust him due to the honesty. However on a recent ...
A. 9 January 2020: EDIT (silly auto correct)
"I'm not "in control" of my partner so it would be about "letting" him do this. (for me, at least)."
Should have been :
I'm not "in control" of my partner so it WOULDN'T be about "letting" him do this. (for me, at... (read in full...)
My FWB has gone cold on me all of a sudden.
Q. After a wild weekend away with my FWB she won't talk to me and has gone completely cold. I don't get why though. She seemed to love every second of it. We’d known each other for years as acquaintances but both had messy break ups last year and ha...
A. 9 January 2020: She might want more?
Pregnancy scare?
She is no longer interested in an FWB. The whole point is to be a short term "fill in" between relationship. This FWB has already been going on for 4 months.
You make a LOT of presumptions in your pos... (read in full...)
My foster child refuses to attend school.
Q. I have a 10 year old foster child who refuses to got school. I work in the day and cannot leave the child home alone. The foster care agency I am with allows youths to refuse school at any age. I don’t want to give her back she’s a sweet c...
A. 9 January 2020: I also wonder what country you are in.
Why is she refusing? Is she being bullied/teased? Does she have academic problems?
And I agree she is a CHILD at age 10.
You need to find you WHY she refuses and get her help.... (read in full...)
I quit a job with bad work environment, so why am I missing it?
Q. About 6 months ago I changed jobs. I left a role I held for seven years to try something different... but, I also left because of a terrible work culture that gave me anxiety regularly. The company’s C-suite were men and very immature men who...
A. 9 January 2020: Because you got a "high" out o the drama they created, that is why you ended up lowering your own standards, because YOU got something out of it. Even if it was temporary, they made you feel like you were accepted by them.
I don't think your "de... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable with the thought of my boyfriend having lap dances with naked girls.
Q. My bf of 5 years recently went on a stag do and went to a strip club. I didn't have a problem with this as he was open about it and stayed in touch whilst away. We have a strong relationship and I trust him due to the honesty. However on a recent ...
A. 9 January 2020: I'm not "in control" of my partner so it would be about "letting" him do this. (for me, at least).
I would TELL my partner that I find it inappropriate and NOT OK when he is in a relationship, IDGAF whether he "feels" obligated to his friends ... (read in full...)
My motivations and decisions are based on my ex wife somehow.
Q. Hi, Seeking advice on the following issue ; Having trouble actually letting go of my ex wife. Let me explain further - 14 months ago I found out my ex wife was being disloyal, I found messages of a sexual nature on her accounts as I had susp...
A. 8 January 2020: Sorry for the spelling mistakes :)
"Mostly because 50+ years ago the ENG goal was marriage and making it work. Today? Not so much."
Should of course have been END goal.
... (read in full...)
My motivations and decisions are based on my ex wife somehow.
Q. Hi, Seeking advice on the following issue ; Having trouble actually letting go of my ex wife. Let me explain further - 14 months ago I found out my ex wife was being disloyal, I found messages of a sexual nature on her accounts as I had susp...
A. 8 January 2020: I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out, OP
Unfortunately, in many relationships that start out at an early age the likelihood of them being long long term are rare. More rare now than 50+ years ago. Mostly because 50+ years ago the ENG goal was... (read in full...)
I feel like quitting on my famiily.
Q. Dear Cupid, I grew in a large family with 5 siblings. My mum had a career as a nurse and dad demanded she quit her work to look after is which she resented him for. Dad insisted he would provide for us but struggled to do so. But this was not the...
A. 8 January 2020: I kinda agree with Auntie BimBim,
If you mother ACTUALLY and FULLY wants to leave, I would go whatever it takes to get her out of there so she can spend the REST of her life without having her husband yell at her or bully her.
I think she h... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a woman calls a man "doll"
Q. Can someone help me understand the meaning of the world "doll"? I am not a native English speaker. My grammar is good but I have trouble understanding some slang. Maybe someone here can help me. When I was backpacking in Australia not long ago, I ...
A. 8 January 2020: I would think it means sweetie. If I guess correctly.
Older women (40+) would NOT call a man they thought was gay, doll. I think it's used for EVERYONE. Like, some Brits use "Love" or "Mate", Americans will use "bro", "buddy", "dude". It's not... (read in full...)
My family knows of my affair and my lover has distanced herself but I don't think I can return to my sexless marriage
Q. I'm in my 40s. Been with my partner for 20 years and married for 17. We have a 15 year old daughter. My wife hasn't wanted a physical relationship with me for a long time. It's been around 10 years since we had sex. She has made comments in the ...
A. 7 January 2020: I think WiseOwlE pointed out a fair point, there is USUALLY a reason as to why sex stops in a marriage or relationship. Especially if it was working fine for 10 years.
"Bad"/boring sex, cheating, medical issues, lack of romance, hygiene, focus on... (read in full...)
How do I approach my partner's blatant lies when she gets home?
Q. My partner and I have been in a relationship for a couple of years. Two weeks ago I had to have spinal surgery and I can’t get around at all (only can walk around house, not even allowed to lift washing or stand to make dinner) she has been great ...
A. 7 January 2020: Are they blatant lies or omitting the whole truth here?
And why do YOU think she is doing this?
I think it's a FAIR conversation to have that you aren't some fragile person who can't handle the truth, but my guess is there is a reason she omitt... (read in full...)
I'd like to have some fun with my sibling's friend, but don't know how to ask him.
Q. Please no judging, my sibling has a friend who I fancy the only problem I have is the age difference I am 42 he is 25. He has admitted in the past he liked me and this has gone on for the last 8 years. A few year back he actually sat discussing with ...
A. 7 January 2020: Besides the fact that it's been 8 years of knowing him and NADA!! has happened isn't that a clue? It was a few YEARS ago he thought something could happen, THAT is a LONG time for nothing to happen and he might have been blowing off steam with his ... (read in full...)
My family knows of my affair and my lover has distanced herself but I don't think I can return to my sexless marriage
Q. I'm in my 40s. Been with my partner for 20 years and married for 17. We have a 15 year old daughter. My wife hasn't wanted a physical relationship with me for a long time. It's been around 10 years since we had sex. She has made comments in the ...
A. 5 January 2020: Well, I don't see that many options here.
You wife doesn't want sex with YOU.
Your lover wants sex with YOU but not to BE with you.
So you get some of you needs fulfilled from each women and you fulfill some of theirs.
If you don'... (read in full...)
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