I still want to cross dress but am afraid of losing my fiance if I tell her
Q. Should I tell my girlfriend of nearly 8 years, soon to be married that I used to crossdress, and still wishes that I could?. I love my fiance very much, and I don't want to jeopardize my relationship in any way, but every day I wake up and think ...
A. 20 December 2019: Good for you! OP
And for the future, LEARN from this. HONESTY is important and so is trust. You both showed each other that you can be honest with each other and DO trust each other, so it's good - keep doing that but don't wait YEARS before c... (read in full...)
Husband I intend divorcing had a mutual friend contact me for information.
Q. I’m writing this question for people’s views and it will help put my mind at rest. My husband lives in a different country from me, he has been quite abusive towards me in the past and I did everything for him. I also believe he is a narcissi...
A. 6 December 2019: None of us has a magic 8 ball that can SHOW us what he might possibly perhaps be thinking. We don't even KNOW him, YOU do. So it's more likely that YOU have an idea of what's up with him.
And while you didn't ASK to get a certain answer, the aunt... (read in full...)
We both have children, he wants us to live together but his children need more help!
Q. I love my boyfriend of one year. He would do anything for me and appears to want this relationship more than ever. We've been spending a lot of time together over the months and hes ready to start living together. I dont think its too soon but i ...
A. 5 December 2019: I think he sees you as his way out of HAVING to actually parent his kids.
Are you willing to sacrifice your kids childhood to date this man? Because YOUR kids will bear the cost of him not being a good parent. HE isn't going to be a GREAT dad over... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to a married man, I believe he is attracted too and it creates undercurrents between us.
Q. I'm unhappy because I find myself attracted to a married man for the past few months. I much prefer my carefree life before I knew him. I got to know him through work and in the beginning I just looked upon him as just another man. Then he started ...
A. 5 December 2019: Think of it this way, WHAT good can come of this?
It can ruin your career, his marriage and both your reputations and for what? Having the "hots"?
People don't go blind and deaf when married, they still notice attractive people and they don't S... (read in full...)
I still want to cross dress but am afraid of losing my fiance if I tell her
Q. Should I tell my girlfriend of nearly 8 years, soon to be married that I used to crossdress, and still wishes that I could?. I love my fiance very much, and I don't want to jeopardize my relationship in any way, but every day I wake up and think ...
A. 5 December 2019: Let's say you were dating someone and then engaged to a person who wanted to "dress up and act as a guy, go to biker bars( or wherever) and do "whatever" as a guy" - wouldn't YOU want to know BEFORE getting married?
I think, in all honesty,... (read in full...)
I don't want my MIL in the delivery room!
Q. I've been with my husband for over a decade, we've been married for 7 years and have one child so far and one on the way. Over the years, my mother in law has made several disrespectful comments about my mom and some of my other family members. She ...
A. 4 December 2019: Just tell your husband, you want him and your mom there NO ONE else.
And IF MIL shows up, make sure the staff knows that you do NOT want more people in the delivery room. The maternity and Delivery staff are VERY good at keeping "unwante... (read in full...)
Is my wife exaggerating everything just to try and make me feel bad?
Q. Last week my wife injured her pinky toe after we (her being barefoot and me with shoes on) clipped each other's feet as we walked past each other. It was a freak accident. She was in a lot of pain and there was a bit of blood. At first she was ...
A. 4 December 2019: Yeah, she milked your guilt and enjoyed the fuss you made over her. Many people would.
However even a bruised pinky toe can hurt like a bugger and for days. And yes we need a functioning pinky toe to walk.
So while she might have milked it a... (read in full...)
Husband I intend divorcing had a mutual friend contact me for information.
Q. I’m writing this question for people’s views and it will help put my mind at rest. My husband lives in a different country from me, he has been quite abusive towards me in the past and I did everything for him. I also believe he is a narcissi...
A. 4 December 2019: Yeah, I agree, DO NOT worry about what HE might think or feel. WHO cares?!
You are done, so BE done.
And don't open a business until the divorce is final or at least talk to a lawyer first. You don't want him to try and claim stake in your ne... (read in full...)
I've been tracking my wife via her phone and she lies about where she has been.
Q. I’ve had suspicions my wife has been cheating on me for some time. There were signs all over the place that I just couldn’t ignore. In the end I decided to track her day to day using the ‘Find my iPhone’ app whilst I was at work and the kids were at ...
A. 4 December 2019:
It sounds iffy, if it's "just" a friend and she doesn't even mention that she spend all day at said friend's house.
Though, I find it so invasive to put tracking apps on a partner's phone.
With all the changes recently you mention have you... (read in full...)
My estranged husband is still trying to rule my life.
Q. My "estranged" husband is always trying to keep tabs on me and I feel like it's an invasion of my privacy. We are separated and no longer live together. We have a young child (under 10) who lives with me and will stay with him on the occasional w...
A. 4 December 2019: I too agree with YCBS as well. GET the divorce finalized. HAVE a proper COURT MANDATED visitation schedule and BE firm in HIM not NEEDING to know squat about YOUR personal plans.
With a court mandated visitation schedule he can't just do things w... (read in full...)
Rebound sex, should I go for it?
Q. Hi, I'm struggling to clearly explain this so for context here is a brief timeline 2008 - met my husband 2013 - married husband 2015 - started new training scheme - met load of people who became good friends and vague friends incl Alex 201...
A. 24 November 2019: I have to agree with WiseOwlE,
You need to walk before you can run. Which means you NEED to take the time to find you own feet and feel like you have successfully processed the split and all the changes that came with that.
I get that you wa... (read in full...)
I'm tired of my 'bad boy' charade
Q. I used to be a bloke with low self confidence. I remember celebrating my 21st birthday still a virgin. Not been in a real relationship either. I had many close female friends, though I somehow friend zoned all of them. They kept telling me that I am ...
A. 24 November 2019: You can't MAKE her like YOU (as you are) but my guess is that she already knows that you aren't the "bad boy" you think you portrait. that is probably why she is still with you.
And my second guess is that you don't ACT like a "douche-... (read in full...)
I've left my dishonourable husband but my parents don't trust the new man
Q. Hello.. i have asked questions before this and this is my life update. Im currently still legally married with my husband but i went back to my parents home last month. I keep ranting about my husband before and everybody here told me just divorc...
A. 23 November 2019: I think you should slow your roll, you don't want ANOTHER bad marriage or relationship back to back, do you?
GET the divorce FIRST, then work on being INDEPENDENT and taking care of you and your son financially so you aren't a "financial burden" ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of my 'bad boy' charade
Q. I used to be a bloke with low self confidence. I remember celebrating my 21st birthday still a virgin. Not been in a real relationship either. I had many close female friends, though I somehow friend zoned all of them. They kept telling me that I am ...
A. 23 November 2019: Jezzz OP
I know that some guys think these pick up artist crap is a VALID way for men to get sex, but seriously? Would you want women to GRADE you on a 1/10 scale and treat you like shit according to some "handbook" written by some moron who thin... (read in full...)
Is it childish of me to tell my mother about our arguments?
Q. Hello agony aunts. I'm in my first serious relationship with a man. I've only dated a few guys before but it wasn't that serious and more like short term relationships. Since I'm taking things serious with this man and planning to get engaged,...
A. 23 November 2019: I think, honestly, it's pretty normal for young people to ASK a person they know (like your mom) to listen and give advice. I don't think that makes you immature. I'm 50 and if my mom were still alive, I'd probably STILL run things by her too.
... (read in full...)
How do I not offend people who are trying to help me?
Q. How do I not offend people who would like to help me? I will lose my job in two months – end of January. The firm I work for will go bankrupt due to some bad decisions my bosses have made, by their own admission. I will get a very small severan...
A. 23 November 2019: I'd just explain it to him as you did to us.
That you are glad that he thought of you and that his family are thinking of you as well, but THAT your niece and work experience is in the media work and you want to continue THAT career path.
... (read in full...)
How can I convince my fiance to stop lying?
Q. Hello and thank you So I’m dealing with lies from my fiancé. I have confronted him and told him I don’t appreciate when he lies to me and it makes me not trust him. For example I’ll ask him so how was your night, what did you do? He will say...
A. 23 November 2019: Yep, I'm with Ciar.
You can't MAKE him stop lying.
And you REALLY need to consider if you want to marry someone you can't even trust to tell the truth about something as LITTLE/MINOR as going to a bar with friends. Especially IF he knows ther... (read in full...)
My wife's workouts are getting out of control
Q. My wife wanted to lose some weight for upcoming vacation so I encouraged her to get a trainer. A friend of hers recommend a 'gay' guy (Joe) she knew that worked out of his house at nights. Once I found out he was gay, I begged her to wear her shin...
A. 23 November 2019: Just buy a gym membership.
... (read in full...)
How do I get over this co-worker?
Q. I’m married (unhappily) and to cut a long story short I slept with someone I work in a team with. We had sex 4 times over the space of a year, last year. He is now my manager!! Before we had sex, we were very friendly. Now we barely speak. There are ...
A. 23 November 2019: My guess is HE is hurt but the fact that you used him. Because you did. You didn't start stuff with him because of HIM, but because your marriage isn't/wasn't working.
People who FEEL used, can carry resentment for a long time.
As far as he ... (read in full...)
I'm in shock my boyfriend lied about sending private messages to my friend.
Q. My bf basically sent a message to someone he didn’t know was my friend saying “I think you’re beautiful and I think you should know lol” She sent me the screenshot. I called him very calm and said Hey, do you message girls on insta? He said no, ...
A. 23 November 2019: And you might also want to consider that there might be MORE women (besides your friend) that he has "complimented like that.
No way of knowing. Again, IS that behavior you are OK with in a partner or not?
... (read in full...)
I'm in shock my boyfriend lied about sending private messages to my friend.
Q. My bf basically sent a message to someone he didn’t know was my friend saying “I think you’re beautiful and I think you should know lol” She sent me the screenshot. I called him very calm and said Hey, do you message girls on insta? He said no, ...
A. 23 November 2019: Maybe he is posting to get YOUR attention or to make YOU feel bad about what you did and what you said.
But overall, OP - I can't read his mind.
Though the "When I'm done I'm done is a PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE way to let you know that he feels wr... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend seem obsessed with a woman he hasn't seen for a few years?
Q. Hello, so I have been working with my boyfriend on and off helping him out in some of his work projects and he pays me, so he gave me his work laptop, not personal and I was working from there, so I remember I needed to search for a word meaning on ...
A. 23 November 2019: I can't imagine having a partner that bangs on and on about an ex or an "almost ex" (in your case as nothing REALLY happened or worked out). But someone who KEEP talking about an ex, I always feel like, they aren't OVER that ex.
Yes, curiosit... (read in full...)
I want to take things slow but he thinks I am just stringing him along.
Q. I've been dating this guy for 6 months, at first everything seemed great and he seemed like a gentleman, now I'm just having a hard time understanding his intentions. I'm not the type of girl who goes and sleeps around with any guy I date. I like t...
A. 22 November 2019: I would (personally) DITCH this guy.
I think you are doing a smart thing by waiting, but you NEED to learn how to say NO better.
If he wants to go sit in a corner and grope/kiss you and YOU don't want to, then say no. IT IS OK to say no to tha... (read in full...)
I'm in shock my boyfriend lied about sending private messages to my friend.
Q. My bf basically sent a message to someone he didn’t know was my friend saying “I think you’re beautiful and I think you should know lol” She sent me the screenshot. I called him very calm and said Hey, do you message girls on insta? He said no, ...
A. 22 November 2019: He is giving you the space, you said you wanted.
He is probably waiting for you to decide whether you need MORE space or is ready to talk.
If you DO want to continue dating him, maybe (when you are ready) have a conversation about boundaries... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to reconcile so why does she care if I'm drinking or not?
Q. My wife has moved out of our home because I drink alcohol. Since she moved, she had several times if I am drinking. She, does not want to reconcile. So, why does she keep asking if I am drinking when we talk by phone? Thank you for your answers....
A. 22 November 2019: I think she keeps asking because she still cares about and for you, DOESN'T mean she wants to reconcile WITH you.
If you DO think more than what is "good for you", as in to a point of every day and where you at times can't function, or pee the ... (read in full...)
I've been married three months and I am totally miserable!
Q. Firstly, thanks for taking the time to read and respond.. I’m miserable, totally. Been married 3 months although we dated for 8 years. My husband sleeps on the floor when we fight. At first he claimed to have a bad back and generally prefer...
A. 22 November 2019: Did things suddenly change AFTER marriage or did you two have unresolved issues (like the ones you mention) BEFORE you said :"I do" ?
Because it's naive to think a wedding, vows and a ring on your finger is going to change EVERYTHING to suddenly... (read in full...)
I'm considering a threesome with two male friends.
Q. This is a bit embarrassing but I have two male friends who I've been friends with for a long time and we spend a lot of time together. Sometimes I sleep over at either of their houses when we can't be bothered going to our own houses. They're both ...
A. 21 November 2019: OP,
I don't think people are suggesting it might NOT be a good idea BECAUSE you are a woman.
But because fantasy is fantasy, reality is reality and reality RARELY measures up to fantasy.
We have had PLENTY of people writing to DC regretting... (read in full...)
I'm having weird sexual dreams about my inlaws.
Q. I’m 30 married for 9 years to a great husband with a good family. My father died when I was 2 and went thru an extremely traumatizing, sexually and physically abusive child hood. Now that I really trust my in laws and am pretty happy, I find ...
A. 21 November 2019: No one will bash you here, OP
Why do you have these feelings? It's hard to know, maybe, like Aidan suggested it's a bit of transference where you see the MALES of your husband's family as safe and healthy and thus a bit attractive to you.
... (read in full...)
The guy I am interested in lives with a homeless woman who does drugs and they used to have sex.
Q. I recently made contact with a guy from my high school from years ago. We talked for about a week, mostly through text, and made plans to meet up over the holidays, when he dropped a bombshell, and I need help sorting through it. Basically, he told ...
A. 21 November 2019: Definitely a red flag.
He is creating a scenario where HE is the "white knight" and took in a homeless woman out of the goodness of his heart, magically it turned into a intimate relationship and she stayed but caused problems for 3!!!! years an... (read in full...)
My teenage son is hitting on my wife.
Q. Afternoon all.. so I remarried 15 years ago and my older son is now 19 and I think he’s been hitting on my wife and I’m not sure what to say ...
A. 21 November 2019: I think if your wife is aware and can handle it, I would let her do just that. However, I might also pull him aside and tell him it's really disrespectful to his stepmom to behave that way.
Because that might not BE his intention at all (being d... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have secret savings?
Q. I have some savings that my partner doesn’t know about. It was money that I saved up over many years and that I have set aside as an emergency fund, in case one of us loses our job, or gets sick, or we break up (I’m not planning to break up, but ...
A. 20 November 2019: I think it's OK as you are not YET married.
But I DO think it's a good idea to let him know BEFORE you two tie the knot. And I think you two should DEFINITELY have a chat about how to maybe BUILD a savings account together AFTER you get married.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 15 years slept with another man and is now telling me it was just a mistake
Q. My boyfriend of 15 years slept with a guy he’d been messaging online, while I was working. He says it was a terrible mistake and he was just curious. As it turns out he’s been in gay sites for years but never did anything physical about it, till ...
A. 20 November 2019: He might not WANT to be gay or he might be bi or he might HAVE been CURIOUS about a man/man experience.
However, ALL that aside, being CURIOUS about sex with another person when in a monogamous relationship, IS cheating and unless you have an ... (read in full...)
We have such an attraction to each other but things don't seem to go anywhere
Q. It's not actually a problem, so much as it is a little confusion. I have a guy that I've known for years. We dated for a while but it never really went anywhere since we were young and I was in school. However, we've always had a strong attracti...
A. 20 November 2019: I don't think that it will ever work. And here is why. YOU two have known each other for years and NOTHING worked out romantically, it was like a couple of magnets that are attracted but when they get together nothing really happens.
Havin... (read in full...)
If I got back with an ex I don't want his friend around
Q. I have just found out some shocking news about an exs friend. Me and my ex grew apart but he recently got back in touch i said we could chat and see if theres anything still there, he suddenly went quiet and now i have found out why . his friend has ...
A. 19 November 2019: You and your ex didn't work out, which is why you broke up, so WHAT has changed that warrant a second try?
He is still friends with this guy, that isn't likely to change.
Why not simply WISH your ex good luck and move on, move forward.
If ... (read in full...)
How do I stop thinking about a fling?
Q. How can I get over / stop constantly thinking about a fling? I came out of a 10 year relationship almost 18 months ago, Over summer I joined an online dating site and met somebody who was absolutely amazing. We talked online for quite a while be...
A. 19 November 2019: Ah, the every conundrum of WHY did he do what he did?
My absolute guess, is that HE wasn't looking for a GF, he was looking for someone to spend time with, to hook up with and when/if she seemed to want more he would move on. Some guys (and gal... (read in full...)
Can please someone tell me if I'm being manipulated or am I just controlling and delusional.
Q. (Please read my previous post) So I wrote this post a little while ago: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-dont-trust-my-boyfriend-around-his-female.html After blocking that girl, he promised me that he wouldn't talk to her again, and that he w...
A. 19 November 2019: I think (honestly) it's a bit of both.
I DO think you are controlling when you make demands that he HAS to block and never talk to a classmate (regardless of whether he USED to like her or she USED to like him).
IT is NOT your job to tell a pa... (read in full...)
Roommate took in a person who is way overstaying her welcome
Q. I moved out of the dorms last year because of shitty roommates and in with a gay guy I thought was a friend. E and I work full-time and attend school part-time. Other than him quitting jobs suddenly (he at least gets another one) and refusing to do ...
A. 18 November 2019: Also, another option.
You could tell E that EITHER she moves out or YOU do. Give him a week to think on that. Maybe he he think you ARE serious about it, he will do the right thing and kick her out.
He might think he is helping her, but he is n... (read in full...)
What can we do when his ex is lying so much but gets away with it?
Q. Hello. We are in a tricky situation at the moment and could do with some advice. Me and my husband have been together 9 years. I have 2 Step children. He broke up with ex 2 years before me. His ex is a true narcissist. She doesn’t have ...
A. 18 November 2019: Talk to your husband and you two decide what the next move should be.
HAVE an united front (so to speak) which means HE doesn't give her money unless you TWO agree and that it IS for the kids, not for her.
I know the courts in many places DO f... (read in full...)
I'm considering a threesome with two male friends.
Q. This is a bit embarrassing but I have two male friends who I've been friends with for a long time and we spend a lot of time together. Sometimes I sleep over at either of their houses when we can't be bothered going to our own houses. They're both ...
A. 18 November 2019: I think mixing sex with friendships is a bad mistake, that you will regret.
Friends don't have sex. (generally speaking)
And like Aidan said, Fantasies are NOT reality, reality RARELY lives up to fantasies.
You CAN NOT "ensure" that everyo... (read in full...)
Roommate took in a person who is way overstaying her welcome
Q. I moved out of the dorms last year because of shitty roommates and in with a gay guy I thought was a friend. E and I work full-time and attend school part-time. Other than him quitting jobs suddenly (he at least gets another one) and refusing to do ...
A. 18 November 2019: Well, if the STUFF is all yours, they will have a FUN time when you move, won't they?
E is NOT a very good friend at all.
This is NOT a good situation for you. So again, check you lease, talk to your landlord, Look for another place to live as... (read in full...)
My teenage son is hitting on my wife.
Q. Afternoon all.. so I remarried 15 years ago and my older son is now 19 and I think he’s been hitting on my wife and I’m not sure what to say ...
A. 18 November 2019: So she is not offended by it?
Even if it IS disrespectful towards her?... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend seem obsessed with a woman he hasn't seen for a few years?
Q. Hello, so I have been working with my boyfriend on and off helping him out in some of his work projects and he pays me, so he gave me his work laptop, not personal and I was working from there, so I remember I needed to search for a word meaning on ...
A. 18 November 2019: I'd guess curiosity.
People are curious by nature, it's a fact. My teenage girls were spending 45 minutes Facebook-stalking someone from their high school. And another 45 minutes doing the same to show our new "daughter" (we have taken over the... (read in full...)
I get wet very easily when I am with my boyfriend.
Q. Hello, Ive been having a problem with being turned on and getting wet really easily, so basically I would be with my boyfriend just cuddling and I would get wet for some reason. It can be really awkward sometimes when I'm out in public with him. We ...
A. 18 November 2019: He turns you on. THAT is it.
Panty liners should be enough to "soak" it up, just change them regularly.
It guess it's a REALLY clear sign that your body is reacting to him, that is what we call ... Lust.
Think about it, be glad you don't ha... (read in full...)
Roommate took in a person who is way overstaying her welcome
Q. I moved out of the dorms last year because of shitty roommates and in with a gay guy I thought was a friend. E and I work full-time and attend school part-time. Other than him quitting jobs suddenly (he at least gets another one) and refusing to do ...
A. 18 November 2019: You can't really MAKE E do anything, but you CAN find another place to live.
THAT is what I would do.
Talk to your land lord about ending YOUR lease and then find another room-mate/flat-share and move out ASAP.
(sometimes you have t... (read in full...)
My teenage son is hitting on my wife.
Q. Afternoon all.. so I remarried 15 years ago and my older son is now 19 and I think he’s been hitting on my wife and I’m not sure what to say ...
A. 18 November 2019: How does your wife react?
Talk to her first. It might just be banter.
IF not...
Personally, I'd take him aside and tell him to quit it, it's disrespectful to your wife. And to you.
Not to mention weird.
... (read in full...)
What can we do when his ex is lying so much but gets away with it?
Q. Hello. We are in a tricky situation at the moment and could do with some advice. Me and my husband have been together 9 years. I have 2 Step children. He broke up with ex 2 years before me. His ex is a true narcissist. She doesn’t have ...
A. 15 November 2019: It's always a tough situation when you have things going on that you have no control over.
Like what she says to the kids. You can't MAKE her only say XYZ, you can't MAKE her be a better person, and you can't MAKE her not play the "victim"... (read in full...)
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