My daughter doesn't want to spend the whole access weekend with me.
Q. I am feeling so hurt and crushed right now. I had phone call exchange with my daughter who is ten years in age and lives with her dad at a hundred miles distance. My daughter has decided that when she comes to my home next fortnight, she o...
A. 14 July 2020: Kids, who's parents went through a rough divorce have a lot to try and sort out. From loyalty, trust, respect but also to testing boundaries.
I don't think a CHILD should be in charge of YOUR house rules. I have older kids (youngest is 16) and ... (read in full...)
I told him I would leave if I caught him doing drugs. Its happened again but I don't want to confront him
Q. When I first met this guy, I knew he did hardcore drugs, but he just up and gave it up for me. We've been together almost 7 years now, and yesterday was the 3rd time he accidentally left a syringe laying around in his stuff, I was not going through ...
A. 11 July 2020: I know the HARD part of this question is that you FEEL love for him and want all the GOOD things to happen for him.
But that is not where he is at.
His "love" is for the drugs and the high he gets.
Know this OP, YOU can love someone and NOT... (read in full...)
The man I am dating told me he still loves his ex
Q. Hi I’ve just started a new relationship I really like him I split with my partner a year ago he split with his 4 months ago we were in bed last night and he told me he still loves his ex so obviously now I am confused as to what to do I know I ...
A. 10 July 2020: LOL @ Auntie Cindycares!
" And your grandma could be a wheelbarrow, °if only ° she had wheels."
Yes 100% to that!
OP, you know what's going on here. You KNOW what the right choice is, you are just not really WANTING it to end. Because you c... (read in full...)
We are dating but he hasn't moved on from his last relationship
Q. Sorry in advance for how long this is about to be...I really really appreciate any perspectives any of you are able to offer. So about two years ago I got out of a borderline abusive relationship with a man who, while I actually think his intent...
A. 10 July 2020: I would tell him:" I understand how you feel, I have been there myself however, I don't want to be "friends" and I don't want to sit on a "shelf" while you get over your ex and go though your emotions of your break up."
"While I find you and I se... (read in full...)
I don't have friends and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere
Q. I didn't know where to go to ask this question. I go onto many forum sites but no one answers correctly, I needed some advice and wisdom from the lovely users on here who have consistently helped me with my relationship problems xox I'm not sure i...
A. 10 July 2020: Making friends gets harder the older we get. Especially good friend.
But it's NOT impossible.
A good way is through hobbies, sports, faith (if you belong to a church) or through volunteering. You will meet people with whom you share SOMETHING.... (read in full...)
My fiance is very secretive and it makes me wonder if I am making a mistake
Q. Hello, and thanks! So I'm engaged but not sure if I'm making the right decision. My fiancee is very secretive. I find things out mostly by social media because I'm friends with his friends and they post and it comes up on my newsfeed. Th...
A. 10 July 2020: How long have you been together?
And how long has this been a LDR? How much time during this LDR have you actually spend IN person together?
I presume the point of getting married was with the idea of also LIVING together, correct? W... (read in full...)
Is this the golden rule for dating?
Q. I’ve always heard that one of the golden rules of first dates is to never talk about exes. But often on first dates (or during online dating app pre-date talking), I'm asked about past relationships like how long did it last? why did it end? etc. ...
A. 9 July 2020: Anon Female,
I find YOU or rather your story kind of naïve. WHAT man would TELL someone he was chatting with over an app/online that he had be charged with assault?
Now if she had run a background check and found the details then it find it ... (read in full...)
My daughter doesn't want to spend the whole access weekend with me.
Q. I am feeling so hurt and crushed right now. I had phone call exchange with my daughter who is ten years in age and lives with her dad at a hundred miles distance. My daughter has decided that when she comes to my home next fortnight, she o...
A. 9 July 2020: Why not focus on OTHER activities to do together instead of the TV? Like baking together. Learning to crochet or go for hikes, picnic outside (or the living room), museums, etc.
I don't think having a time limit on TV time is strange, but if you o... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ogling other girls makes me insecure.
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 10 months and we have a mostly stable relationship. I enjoy being with him and feel very comfortable in being myself around him, something I have struggled with in the past. Our one problem is how he makes me ...
A. 9 July 2020: Why does he do it?
Like his friend said, HE is shallow.
It isn't about YOU not being good enough but him ALWAYS looking for greener grass.
Why tell you that you could work out more isn't in itself a red flag, especially if you don't ... (read in full...)
Why does it take so long for my answers to appear
Q. Why do my replies not appear for days sometimes? Does this site monitor everyone's replies? I read a post, write a reply then watch as loads of others pop up before mine eventually appears days later when everyone has moved on. Feeling despondent. ...
A. 9 July 2020: Just keep at it :)
New posters and people who answer do have a delay (like Auntie BimBim explained) over time this will be faster. It just means there are people (Our lovely Mods) who take care with what is posted.
And don't forget, OP - all... (read in full...)
We dated, I wasn't ready, we became friends, she got a boyfriend and now I love her.
Q. I’m struggling with my feelings for one of my female friends. Two years ago I met her and we started dating. However, it only lasted a month. I had just got out of a relationship a few months before and although I initially thought I was ov...
A. 9 July 2020: I wouldn't tell her either.
For the simple reason that nothing GOOD will come from that. SHE obviously was able to move on fairly fast and is now happy with the guy she is with.
IF you tell her, she might feel she has to choose or make a choice... (read in full...)
I have issues I need to discuss with my boyfriend, please help me clarify them.
Q. I've been known my "boyfriend" (we're not official, at least he hasn't communicated that to me, but we act as if we are) since December of last year and finally met in person for the first time this June since COVID-19 sent me back home as I go to ...
A. 8 July 2020: Sounds like he is over dating you. Sorry.
Someone who isn't happy to see you and spend time with you? Is someone who isn't that keen on you.
The "nick name" Dirty little slut" No way, shape, or form would I EVER be OK with that. And I woul... (read in full...)
Is this the golden rule for dating?
Q. I’ve always heard that one of the golden rules of first dates is to never talk about exes. But often on first dates (or during online dating app pre-date talking), I'm asked about past relationships like how long did it last? why did it end? etc. ...
A. 8 July 2020: I don't think anyone is trying to trick you, I think it's part curiosity and part nosiness.
I think it's fair enough to say :"I really only want two people in the relationship, you and me, not the exes of either of us."
I think there are people... (read in full...)
Sex in my new relationship is awful, maybe I need therapy!
Q. Hey Aunts and uncles I have been seeing this man for 3 months now. He is kind, considerate and good to me. We have had sex a couple of times now but only recently. I made him wait until I was ready, which he was fine with. My problem.... the s...
A. 7 July 2020: Awesome OP!
I hope you two keep at it. Another thing I forgot to mention in my answer was that OVER time we feel more and more comfortable with a partner, this one is still "new" so you are BOTH still adjusting.
Keep the lighting low, fo... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was aggressive to my son over football
Q. Hi. Today there was an incident with my son and Bf in front of my family whom we are down to viait for a few days. My Bf is an avid football supporter and my family support the rival team but they are not really into football they just have a few ...
A. 7 July 2020: Good for you OP!
Thanks for the update.
I hope he DOES seek some help with anger-management because I think he needs it.
And don't forget your SON will learn a lesson from this too. He will see and understand what is NOT acceptable behavior.... (read in full...)
I had an abortion when I was 16. Two years later I haven't really come to terms with it
Q. I had an abortion two years ago when I was 16. Even though I thought it was the right thing to do back then, I now really regret it to the point I cry myself to sleep some nights. It happened in my final year of High School when I had a fling with...
A. 7 July 2020: Continue counseling.
Find it within yourself to forgive yourself.
I still feel horrible about having PLANNED to have an abortion (had a miscarriage ) and that was over 25 years ago. I know LOGICALLY that not having a child with THAT man an... (read in full...)
On and off ex just married somebody else.
Q. ex and i were doing the on/off thing for YEARS. it went on too long, i still had feelings, he apparently didn't because he was always hesitent to get back together. he had a cycle of hoovering and discarding me over and over again. i foolishly ...
A. 7 July 2020: I think the only thing you did "wrong" was dating someone on/off.
If a relationship is a go/stop - on/off - it's NOT working. Love has little to do with it. I'd even say this, IF two people are a GOOD fit overall they WILL (if they also BOTH car... (read in full...)
I had a quick fumble with husband's friend, he wants to carry it on, I want it to stop!
Q. Hi everyone, I have done a really terrible thing and I just need some help or advice on where to go and how to deal with my emotions. I have been married for nearly 3 years now and my marriage hasn't always been the most easiest. Around 6 months ago ...
A. 6 July 2020: How do you think you can salvage your marriage if you do things like this?
And this is NOT me being mean or harsh, but asking you what you were really thinking?
Being drunk is not an excuse for anything. Yes, it ca lower the inhibiting of co... (read in full...)
How do I get this girl to not be mad?
Q. I'm 18 and I have a problem apparently where I laugh when I'm embarrassed or surprised or even when I get hurt. I don't know why I do it I always have. So I was making out with this girl I really like. We've done that a bunch of times before and...
A. 6 July 2020: Just wanted to add, my middle daughter (17, almost 18) is like me a lot, we don't like to cry in front of people and sometimes we both have the "wrong" response to a situation.
Her BF recently broke up with her and (they were sitting in his car)... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was aggressive to my son over football
Q. Hi. Today there was an incident with my son and Bf in front of my family whom we are down to viait for a few days. My Bf is an avid football supporter and my family support the rival team but they are not really into football they just have a few ...
A. 6 July 2020: This is NOT Ok
And this is NOT your son's fault. While your son did seem very determined to put that shirt on his sister, HE didn't DO anything wrong.
These are NOT your BF's children and ... they are FAR more likely to be abused or hurt b... (read in full...)
My boyfriend masturbates to porn after we have sex.
Q. HI Mymy relationship with my Bf of over 1 year has on the whole been v good. We are quite compatable and enjoy life ,so I am very happy . But he has always had this man urge to masturbate. It is getting to be a habit after we have make love he is li...
A. 6 July 2020: I don't think it's normal, or "just a guy thing".
For me, it sounds like he has a bit of a unhealthy relationship with porn.
www.yourbrainonporn is a great website to LEARN what porn ACTUALLY does to the brain.
I also think he has probab... (read in full...)
I don't understand online friend's behaviour
Q. Firstly, I'm not looking to get criticized, I am aware that this is online but I am merely looking to learn about this type of behaviour so I can avoid it and pick up on it in the near future. Three months ago I picked up online gaming again and...
A. 6 July 2020: Live and learn, OP
Glad we all could help you, though I think you already knew the answers :)
There is a reason apps like Tindr etc.. are so successful. Because it's easy to get caught up in something that isn't quite "real". Because it FEELS... (read in full...)
Am I a bad friend for wanting to distance myself?
Q. My former best friend and I developed strange relationships with food around the same time. We’re still fairly close and text talk frequently, but we trigger each other whenever we see each other in person. She’s hospitalized at the moment, and has ...
A. 5 July 2020: You know it's unhealthy so does she. Making distance from each other doesn't mean you don't care, it just means you CHOSE to focus on your OWN issues and not carry yours AND hers and buckling from the "weight".
You can care for someone but not ... (read in full...)
We are broken up but I still love him. Should I delete his number?
Q. I have split with my boyfriend and I still love him. He says he wants me to stop contacting him. But I think he's just angry at me and deep down he loves me. Should I delete his number as I won't be able to contact him ever again if I do...
A. 5 July 2020: No writing it down is a cop out.
Toss the note. Leave him be. It's not working. Holding on to his number will only prolong this. Accept reality. Which is, it's over.
You need to move on.
Don't hold yourself back from meeting someone who... (read in full...)
I don't understand online friend's behaviour
Q. Firstly, I'm not looking to get criticized, I am aware that this is online but I am merely looking to learn about this type of behaviour so I can avoid it and pick up on it in the near future. Three months ago I picked up online gaming again and...
A. 5 July 2020: I think there are probably a few things going on here. One in that you ARE virtual strangers (regardless of how much you talk online), so it IS easy to misunderstand or make "jokes" that fall short.
And you are from different countries which me... (read in full...)
How do I get this girl to not be mad?
Q. I'm 18 and I have a problem apparently where I laugh when I'm embarrassed or surprised or even when I get hurt. I don't know why I do it I always have. So I was making out with this girl I really like. We've done that a bunch of times before and...
A. 4 July 2020: Just tell her that you occasionally laugh when you are unsure. It's not an uncommon reaction.
And honestly? Wouldn't she rather you laugh at the goofy situation instead of looking at her with disgust for sneezing on your face?
You have brac... (read in full...)
We are broken up but I still love him. Should I delete his number?
Q. I have split with my boyfriend and I still love him. He says he wants me to stop contacting him. But I think he's just angry at me and deep down he loves me. Should I delete his number as I won't be able to contact him ever again if I do...
A. 4 July 2020: yes, first BLOCK his number then delete it. That way you can't get hold of him NOR can he get hold of you.
If someone TELLS you to NOT contact them ever again, YOU need to respect that and NOT contact them.
He MIGHT "just" be mad, he might "j... (read in full...)
Sex in my new relationship is awful, maybe I need therapy!
Q. Hey Aunts and uncles I have been seeing this man for 3 months now. He is kind, considerate and good to me. We have had sex a couple of times now but only recently. I made him wait until I was ready, which he was fine with. My problem.... the s...
A. 3 July 2020: Do you need a therapist?
No, I don't think so. I think you just need to accept that you are (at the moment) not totally "back in the saddle" when it comes to sex. Some people say that having sex is like riding a bike. To a point it is. As long ... (read in full...)
I've been offered a job that would take me out of my comfort zone.
Q. I have worked in the same small (30 people) company for 10 years. I enjoy my work and I like my colleagues. It can be stressful from time to time but I don’t have formal targets and I know I can do my job well. I am one of the most senior people ...
A. 3 July 2020: So if we look at the pro and cons:
PRO:
Bigger company
More experience
which can lead to promotion
added pressure/stress
CON:
They don't pay a whole lot more of all the extra work you will be doing.
There isn't the same stability
less ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of seven months has anger issues.
Q. Hi all, hoping for some advice: I’m divorced, in my 40s, and have recently moved country. Shortly after moving, I met my now boyfriend (of 7 months) For some time now, I have not been able to make sense of my his anger issues. He is highly-edu...
A. 3 July 2020: No, that is not how a H|EALTHY relationship should be.
Why are you still with him? WHY do you accept this?
He might have a high IQ but emotionally? He is stunted.
It is GOOD that you can take feed back and reflect and change in your job, ... (read in full...)
Bore out on my job is killing me. I don't know what to do
Q. Hi all, I would really appreciate some advice. I feel trapped in the office and I have recently discovered that I most probably suffer from something called a « bore-out » and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t hate the work I do. ...
A. 2 July 2020: OK if quitting is NOT an option, YOU need to find some kind of HEALTHY fulfillment OUTSIDE of work.
Be it volunteering, be it hobbies or sport. Maybe something to DO as a couple/family.
Secondly, take some time and think what COULD improve yo... (read in full...)
How do I handle this? A co-worker likes me but I am dating his friend
Q. Dear aunts and uncle, Last October I got promoted to a senior IT tech at my company and with the promotion i was assigned to a whole new team. Within a week of me being there one of my new coworkers ,lets call him Michael, started flirting with me ...
A. 2 July 2020: Jeeez, girl!
Your JOB is not a TINDER APP! Where is your professionalize? And how many coworkers are you going to chase and sleep with? You are supposed to be a senior (as far as rank) and you act like you are at "band-camp"!
"Don't eat wh... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to tell him how I was feeling?
Q. A couple of weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and noticed my bf was masturbating in bed beside me whilst looking at his phone. As soon as he noticed I was awake, he swiftly closed the phone and took his hand away and acted like nothing ...
A. 2 July 2020: I think it WAS good that you told him.
Masturbating is fine, but in the bed RIGHT next to your sleeping partner? That's a little off-putting to me as well. And yes, I think MOST women would feel like you did. That he has lost interest. So again, I... (read in full...)
I'm 17 a virgin, he's 43 married and wants to have sex with me
Q. Hi, Im 17 and Ive recently come into contact with a 43 year old man who wants to have sex with me. He's married and Im a virgin. I want to have sex with him but Im worried it's illegal and I'm worried about what people might say if I tell them I l...
A. 2 July 2020: Growing up and being an adult (which you aren't, YET) is about making good choices, having a set of values and morals to live by, respect, common sense, manners and lastly THINKING before doing.
You are 17. There IS no hurry in having sex. Esp... (read in full...)
When we are together he gives me just enough attention to feel wanted, but otherwise I am ghosted.
Q. I caved and went back to my ex boyfriend. He claims he loves me and our baby. He still doesn’t help out with her. He will be consistent on communication. Then it will be days before he texts me. We are having sex again. Which is not good at all. I ...
A. 1 July 2020: Yep, I'm with Cindy.
You are not his whore (as you call it) you are however, not REALLY his GF or partner either.
You two broke up for a reason. Those reasons are still valid. He doesn't take care of the child he made with you and he really is... (read in full...)
I am facing a weird situation at work.
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I seem to be facing a weird situation at work. And any insights would be of great help. I am a mid senior worker with several years of work experience and I am decently qualified (couple of degrees in finance), currently ...
A. 30 June 2020: I think this is a case of pride. You called him out on his behavior but in a civil and polite manner (over text and in a 1 on 1) He took this as you "flexing" on him or trying to point out his "flaws" in a work environment and he DID not take kindly ... (read in full...)
I know I did the right thing in breaking it off, so why do I feel so confused?
Q. So I dont really have anyone I can talk to as I've never really spoken about the reasons why my relationship ended. I'm feeling a bit lost and confused and lonely at the moment and very scared of the future. I was in a relationship for...
A. 30 June 2020: OP, you DID leave.
Yes it took you WAY longer than YOU feel you should have and perhaps WAYS longer than SOME other women might have but we aren't talk about SOME other woman, this is about you.
Yes you should have left the MOMENT he cheate... (read in full...)
Are women past their 50s still interested in sex
Q. I have been divorced for many years. Now that the kids are grown up and have left the house, I feel like I need to have a partner and get married. I am almost a 60 year old man. I would presumably be looking for a woman close to my age. Sex is ...
A. 30 June 2020: I think for most women in their 50+ GOOD sex is a "normal part" of a relationship and marriage. Are there women who no longer want it? Sure. Are there women who become OK with not getting it due to illness in the partner? Sure. Replace women with ... (read in full...)
I left my husband from another country. He will not respond as to whether he has filed for divorce or not
Q. My husband lives in a different country, he’s lives in the Middle East and thinks he is my boss! He has always been very abusive towards me in every kind of way and 9 months ago I left him and cut all contact with him as he was abusing me again...
A. 30 June 2020: None of us can do much else, as we can not read your husband or his uncles minds any more than you can.
... (read in full...)
I have discovered my husband of 25 years is cross dressing and messaging other men online
Q. I have discovered my husband of 25 years is cross dressing and messaging other men online. His work has been extremely demanding and stressful for some months so I put his change in behaviour down to this...(he has been .distracted, very stressed...
A. 28 June 2020: Don't you think you HAVE to have a talk about this?
I get that it's not a thing you want to confront or even talk about, but, this is YOUR life too. If he solicits men online what if he has (in the past) hooked up with some? He can bring home STD... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of failing my exams
Q. I’m a student from China. I used to be a top student in class who got high marks in most of the subjects. However,I have failed in every exams recently and felt like I can’t find my way. The high school entrance exam is coming soon,and I have no ...
A. 28 June 2020: Do your school offer tutors? Extra classes over summer?
I could say, STUDY and study hard in the subjects you have difficulties until you feel you grasp things better. If you can do it in the morning where your mind is clearest. Or make a study gr... (read in full...)
My family is mean behind my back but when confronted they deny it
Q. Hey, I'm having severe problems with my parents and I don't know what to think. My dad is a functioning alcoholic who is never happy. I'm 25 married with 2 kids we live in the upstairs they live below us. We tried to move out several years ago but ...
A. 28 June 2020: You know what they think about you and your husband and what they say. They apparently aren't confrontational people so they won't admit to it to your face.
So what then?
Well, you and your husband keep working on moving out and taking care ... (read in full...)
I left my husband from another country. He will not respond as to whether he has filed for divorce or not
Q. My husband lives in a different country, he’s lives in the Middle East and thinks he is my boss! He has always been very abusive towards me in every kind of way and 9 months ago I left him and cut all contact with him as he was abusing me again...
A. 27 June 2020: File from where you are. I'm not sure, if you HAVE to go to his country to file. I think you can be the one to file from your end.
You don't NEED contact with him to file from your end.
The thing is you can even go there and still be ignored... (read in full...)
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