Is it time for me to finally move on?
Q. A few years ago I fell for a friend. We spent a lot of time together and all of his words and actions signalled he had romantic interest. I did not know where I stood with him so I asked him and he started panicking and said “he might have been ...
A. 7 May 2020: Maybe his own town is now "empty" of new women to try and woo. Or the kind of woman he WANTS to woo. Also.... Not dating in his own area might be so he can have privacy or avoid gossip from past dates, or it's a small town with "slim pickings".
... (read in full...)
Is it time for me to finally move on?
Q. A few years ago I fell for a friend. We spent a lot of time together and all of his words and actions signalled he had romantic interest. I did not know where I stood with him so I asked him and he started panicking and said “he might have been ...
A. 4 May 2020: By moving on and keep moving.
And you are right it wasn't his fault. You made it clear you had no interest so he ZOOMED on to another women which in fact, SHOULD make you even more secure in your OWN choice of NOT trying to pursue him or encourag... (read in full...)
My heartache, heartbreak, and broken up family
Q. We've been together 3 years the last couple of months our communication hasn't been good, we haven't had sex at all, and it's seemed like we're in limbo I've tried numerous times to reach out to my ex since his best fri e d just got murdered and his ...
A. 2 May 2020: You might not BE the girl he fell in love with anymore, that much is true. You had another child, more responsibilities, you lost your home and you are dependent on him/his mother for a roof over you head.
So, no wonder you are not the same wom... (read in full...)
Is it time for me to finally move on?
Q. A few years ago I fell for a friend. We spent a lot of time together and all of his words and actions signalled he had romantic interest. I did not know where I stood with him so I asked him and he started panicking and said “he might have been ...
A. 1 May 2020: He has already rejected the idea of you and him, so while it might hurt your feelings, why waste any more time or tears on a guy who isn't REALLY interested in you?
Only wan who can GIVE you that strength to ACCEPT that he isn't for you, and vice... (read in full...)
I recognise the man on the dating site, and he is MARRIED!
Q. Dear Cupid. I'm on a dating site and have had a man message me saying "Hey how are you going :)" and "Your super cute, love to know more about yourself!? Feel free to ask me anything" Anyway, I Looked this guy up on facebook because I recogni...
A. 30 April 2020: Oh I should have added that asking him if he is married is more of a "rhetorical question, than one you actually want to know (hence blocking him AFTER) because if he is "separated" or "on break" from his marriage that is the LAST kind of guy you ... (read in full...)
Married co worker is objectifying me and I just want to be friends.
Q. Why does EVERY man I try to befriend end up objectifying me? They'll be totally respectful to our other mutual female friends but I get treated different. Like this guy I THOUGHT was nice at work: the worst thing he did was be "silly"and he did that ...
A. 30 April 2020: It's not judgmental, OP
The thing is some people are easily manipulated into doing things they don't want to do. Like Danny who oh so interested in telling you how his "open-mindedness" has "paid off" for him in other ways. He was hoping you woul... (read in full...)
I recognise the man on the dating site, and he is MARRIED!
Q. Dear Cupid. I'm on a dating site and have had a man message me saying "Hey how are you going :)" and "Your super cute, love to know more about yourself!? Feel free to ask me anything" Anyway, I Looked this guy up on facebook because I recogni...
A. 30 April 2020: Would I message his wife?
No, I'd send him back a message with: " Aren't you married?" and a link to his OWN Facebook, and then block the SOB. (After all he did say you could ask anything....
It could BE that someone else is using his pictur... (read in full...)
Married co worker is objectifying me and I just want to be friends.
Q. Why does EVERY man I try to befriend end up objectifying me? They'll be totally respectful to our other mutual female friends but I get treated different. Like this guy I THOUGHT was nice at work: the worst thing he did was be "silly"and he did that ...
A. 29 April 2020: Oh I forgot to mention,
Not being interested in, tempted by, or impressed with people and they choices in sexual partners, such as swingers or poly, doesn't make you "ignorant/prejudice" it just means you have different values and standard... (read in full...)
I don't think I should be his go to person every time he needs something
Q. My story is as old as world. Here it goes: I am in my 40s, moderately comfortable financially , love to travel . One day decided to go to Africa and met a guy. My age, divorced , bringing up his small son. And taking care of couple relative...
A. 29 April 2020: Also, OP
He might HAVE an occasional "rich old lady" on the side for extra money. You don't know him well enough to know what's truly going on in his life. ONLY what he tells you, because you are continents apart.
It reminds me a little of t... (read in full...)
Married co worker is objectifying me and I just want to be friends.
Q. Why does EVERY man I try to befriend end up objectifying me? They'll be totally respectful to our other mutual female friends but I get treated different. Like this guy I THOUGHT was nice at work: the worst thing he did was be "silly"and he did that ...
A. 29 April 2020: Just keep doing what you are doing.
Ignore any "hints" or "suggestions" and change the subject.
YOU can't MAKE people behave in whatever manner you would like them to. You can however, control how much time you spend with and around them.
... (read in full...)
I don't think I should be his go to person every time he needs something
Q. My story is as old as world. Here it goes: I am in my 40s, moderately comfortable financially , love to travel . One day decided to go to Africa and met a guy. My age, divorced , bringing up his small son. And taking care of couple relative...
A. 28 April 2020: If it's too hard to "just" say no, then really you can't complain.
SO what that it's a "cultural" thing to expect people with money to take care of everyone else? I get if it's (your own) family, then I'd be less inclined to say he is using yo... (read in full...)
Can anybody help me work out what is going on in this guy's head?
Q. I met a guy in college and we were really good friends, we got on well with each other and it felt as if we had known each other for years. A few months into the friendship this guy was always looking for excuses to text me like asking for a book ...
A. 28 April 2020: I get that it would be nice to know 100% what this guy was thinking and why he did what he did, but OP WE don't know him at all. So all we can do it guess.
The thing with life and people, is that you will NEVER know exactly what's going on with ... (read in full...)
I give my girlfriend everything but it's not enough!
Q. Im struggling with something. After a whole day of normal communication with my gf (we are living separate during lockdown) the smallest thing can make her go into a tantrum. For example I work 6pm-2am. Therefore when I finish at 2am I will call ...
A. 28 April 2020: You got to grow a set, OP
If you are TOO tired to talk, TELL her and let her pout. If you ALWAYS give in to her whining, she will KEEP whining!
She sounds like a brat.
If she is home alone ALL day, why can't SHE cancel the Netflix if sh... (read in full...)
I'm struggling with waiting to see what happens with this guy after lockdown ends.
Q. Before Corona virus hit I had been on a few dates with a front line doctor. We’ve known each other very loosely for a few years. I asked him if he wanted to go for a drink back in February then we had a great three dates before this hit, includ...
A. 28 April 2020: I would honestly keep sex and sexting out o the picture. Mostly because I think BOTH are things you do in a COMMITTED and ESTABLISHED relationship.
Checking in is better than ignoring you for days and then expecting you pick up the slack whenever... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if the guy I met was just being friendly or if there was more.
Q. A week before the lockdown happened I went for a walk with a walking group. There was a guy there who I have known for a few years. He seemed a bit shy when we said hello on arrival. During the walk he asked if I was seeing anyone. I'm not sure why ...
A. 28 April 2020: If you DON'T was to be pursuing him, then why not just keep (when the lock down is over) talking to him at the walking group?
Asking if someone is seeing anyone could be a "I don't know what to ask to keep the conversation going" kind of question... (read in full...)
The disparity between our financial situations is causing problems in the relationship
Q. Hello everybody, Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am after some advice on some financial/relationship issues. My boyfriend and I own a house together. We each put in as big deposit as we could afford at the time. His was much bigge...
A. 27 April 2020: OK OP, here is what I would do.
I would SIT down and make a budget with your income/cost etc.
SHOW him your budget, so he KNOWS in FIGURES (black and white) what you CAN AND CAN NOT afford). And STOP falling for his "peer-pressure" ... (read in full...)
Living at home again and sister is driving me crazy
Q. My sister is 8 years younger than I, unfortunately due to financial issues I'm back living at home, and during this lockdown I don't think I can cope with her. She has aspergers which has gotten milder with age, but she has a tendancy to use it more ...
A. 27 April 2020: My advice?
Stop playing your sister's games.
She might be on the spectrum but she SURE knows how to get under your skin and piss you off for funzies and for attention.
Your sister is a manipulative little shit. That simple.
When she says... (read in full...)
Is there a such thing as an obsessed partner?
Q. Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 4 years lately I feel myself being more and more unhappy because I feel that I can’t balance time between him and my kids and myself. My fiancé seems to be very needy for my attention and when I can ...
A. 27 April 2020: OK, you NEED to set some boundaries here.
1. your children shouldn't be seen as competition for your affection by your partner, that is really not good.
2. you should BE able to take a shower in PEACE and quiet if you so desire without him "sup... (read in full...)
I don't think I should be his go to person every time he needs something
Q. My story is as old as world. Here it goes: I am in my 40s, moderately comfortable financially , love to travel . One day decided to go to Africa and met a guy. My age, divorced , bringing up his small son. And taking care of couple relative...
A. 27 April 2020: When you have a partner who asks for money you end up with a really uneven relationship, he isn't your equal, he is your dependent. A dependent you aren't married to or related too. So really, someone you had some romantic feelings for who now uses ... (read in full...)
I moved out because I didnt feel safe, landlords are asking me to come back.
Q. Hi people. I moved out of a property 2 months ago due to the owner's adult kid harassing me. He made false accusations against me and was going through something at the time. I never made a big deal of the situation but I avoided talking to him. I ...
A. 27 April 2020: I have to agree with FA,
Do NOT go back. I think the son TRIED to "scam" his parents by asking you for the rent in cash and when you said no, he threatened you. Who is to say he won't be back? The parents might have kicked him out but that doe... (read in full...)
Due to my past, I’m anxious and paranoid and am starting to become controlling! How to balance and maintain boundaries?
Q. My previous boyfriend had multiple relationships behind my back, this has caused sever stress and insecurities for me. I’m am now in a relationship with someone else, for a year now. He is supportive and very patient and understanding of...
A. 26 April 2020: I agree with WiseOwlE that you CAN NOT punish your CURRENT partner for what an EX CHOSE to do while dating you and what you CHOSE to ACCEPT while dating the ex.
It's absolutely UNFAIR of you. And your BF will eventually have had enough and walk... (read in full...)
Any advice on supporting my ex without complicating her life?
Q. Hello, I’m hoping to get some advice and clarity on a situation with my ex. In 2014 I’m positive I met the love of my life, we dated for two years long distance, at the time neither one of us drove and both worked pretty crappy jobs so we saw each ...
A. 25 April 2020: I get that you care deeply for this woman, but the thing is, YOU need to move on.
You might FEEL she is "The One" for you, but the feeling isn't mutual. She sounds like you were her LD life-raft, her pick-me-up and therapist, in a tumultuo... (read in full...)
My partner is living with her parents to help them during this lockdown, and I’m feeling disconnected and not cared about!
Q. Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing as well as can be expected. I am having an issue with my partner and looking for some advice. We are currently in lockdown and my partner is an hour away. She decided to go and stay with her parents as they ...
A. 25 April 2020: I don't blame you for feeling like things are falling apart.
Maybe what you could do is reach out to friends or family and talk to them. I know i's not the same, but it will give you SOME interaction that you are craving and you might help tha... (read in full...)
What is going on with this guy, am I overthinking?
Q. This isn’t really a problem just more a curiousity So this guy I did used to fancy him but now we’re just friends. But I’ve noticed since I’ve know him when he has a bf he ignores me and when he doesn’t he talks to me I just trying to und...
A. 25 April 2020: I think a LOT of people have a tendency to ignore people who aren't CLOSE friends when they have a new partner. And then when they are single, they want that attention again.
I don't think he fancies you, I think he KNOWS that you USED to fancy hi... (read in full...)
Happily married yet lusting over a doctor! Help me please!
Q. I have been married for 4 and a half years and have a 3 year old daughter. There are no problems in my marriage and I thought till a few days ago that I was very happy and content with life. My husband adores me and we have a healthy sex life. I...
A. 24 April 2020: I will actually also say that crushes are normal, but... HOW far you take them.... is where you either go obsessive or work on letting it go, because it's not healthy - LONG-TERM.
Having a fantasy about someone who ISN'T your partner is also kin... (read in full...)
My husband had a video chat with another woman on the day I was having surgery!!!
Q. I just had surgery today! It was tough on me! I am sensitive to anesthesia. And was puking and dizzy. I had a hard time. My husband dropped me off at the hospital because of Covid. He came to pick me up later after I recovered from anesthesia....
A. 24 April 2020: I have to agree with Brown Wolf
This is not totally out of the blue (maybe for you, but he has HAD some prior contact with her, I would presume).
Do you know this woman? Could she be someone he has worked with, is related to or the wife of some... (read in full...)
S it possible for friend zoned relationships to turn romantic?
Q. Okay, weird question. I can't ask my friends so I am turning to dearcupid as usual. I have a female housemate who is a nudist, although she refers to herself as a naturist. What this means is she doesn't like to wear clothes. Yes I know it's weird! ...
A. 24 April 2020: You might feel we have judged her too harshly (and maybe we have) but I think the fact that she USED to be fat and no longer is, might BE why she is enjoying SHOWING off her body, to you - her room-mate and her exes.
And honestly, if people w... (read in full...)
Was breaking up with him the right thing to do? How can I bite the bullet and just move on?
Q. Dear Cupids, My long distance bf and I are breaking up and it sucks. We met in the summer and fell head over heels for each other. I returned home after the summer and we kept in touch, however at one point we had a fall out,and we stopped ta...
A. 24 April 2020: Good that you are still moving forward.
IT is natural to wonder how he is doing, after all you dated him and at some point cared enough for him to call him your BF.
However, him doing good or bad is out of your hands, that is up to him. Feeli... (read in full...)
My anxiety and insecurity is getting in the way of my happiness
Q. Hi everyone, I’m coming here for advice about an ongoing problem I have with dating. Bear with me- I annoy myself with this and am certain I sound exhausting. I’m a female in my late twenties and have dated a handful of men. I’m currently dating...
A. 23 April 2020: Knowing that you need to work on yourself is the first step, OP so good for you.
Secondly, also knowing that you are ruminating on things totally out of your control is a whole other kettle of fish, that you might need some help in working ... (read in full...)
Things have changed since the baby came along. I'm not sure I want to be with my partner anymore
Q. Ever since myself and my partner had our baby boy (10 months ago) our relationship hasn't been the same. Many people told us to make sure we still went on date nights, still made time for each other and not to let go of our relationship but in all ...
A. 23 April 2020: Sounds like the novelty has worn off for your BF and for you.
Did you two plan to have a kid? To no be married first?
Now I get that you had been together for 4 1/2 (Ish) years when you got pregnant, but yes, life and relationship DO ... (read in full...)
Should I reach out to my ex boyfriend's ex?
Q. Hello, I'm hoping I can reach out to you for some advice about a girl called Daisy (fake name for obvious reasons). I am 26, and Daisy is 27. We met becauseof my ex partner. In 2019 I came out of what I thought, was a stable relationship of ...
A. 23 April 2020: Well, OP
Here is what I see, you blame everything bad on this ex, who seems like a total horrible BF, but you CHOSE to stay for 7 years, TAKE some responsibility too. You made a pis spoor choice in BF. And another when you didn't dump him the ... (read in full...)
Should I assume he lost interest and deleted my number?
Q. I have been briefly seeing a guy which started as friendship and we have been friends on FB. He last messaged me to ask how I was at the beginning of April. He last acknowledged me by text two weeks ago when I decided to tell him that if I had met ...
A. 23 April 2020: I'd probably just leave it be, for now.
I wouldn't delete him or his number.
I think IF he mean the "who is this?" as a joke and you didn't respond, he would have sent another text, so maybe it either wasn't him texting? or you texted the w... (read in full...)
I should be so happy that we are getting married but I'm not because he cheated on me 2 years ago and 'm worried he's still in contact with the woman
Q. Hi All- I'm in desperate need of relationship advice. I'm currently engaged to someone who I've been with for almost 10 years. We've been engaged for about 5 months. As with any relationship, things between my fiance and I haven't always been suns...
A. 22 April 2020: It took him 10 years to propose, first of all? And he (I'm sensing) proposed because he felt you were pulling away because he had an affair. That way he hoped to make sore YOU stick around, since he knows there is much of a future with the other ... (read in full...)
Fiance texting crush, but wanting to have a family with me. Do I let it slide?
Q. I'm not sure how to feel about this and i wondered if anyone could give me some advice. My partner had a crush on the same work colleague two times in our relationship, a couple of years apart (that i know of and he admitted to). They've neve...
A. 21 April 2020: Sounds like you are his "second choice" he is sticking with you because YOU are there and into him, but IF she was HALF as interested in him as HE is in her, he would drop you like a rock.
Sorry, but that is how I see it. For him to get "depress... (read in full...)
Messed up the second date
Q. I met this guy on tinder. The first date went great!! Like sparks flying. The second date was great until alcohol got involved. I basically was embarrassed and vulnerable about something when I shouldn't have been. I am not usually like that but I ...
A. 21 April 2020: Eh, OP Let him go. Yes, you probably "scared" him off somehow (maybe by seeming to want more than he does or having "jumped ahead" of yourself thinking THIS IS IT!! You might have come off as desperate and well, that is rarely attractive.
Not s... (read in full...)
S it possible for friend zoned relationships to turn romantic?
Q. Okay, weird question. I can't ask my friends so I am turning to dearcupid as usual. I have a female housemate who is a nudist, although she refers to herself as a naturist. What this means is she doesn't like to wear clothes. Yes I know it's weird! ...
A. 21 April 2020: I have to agree, she is more of an exhibitionist than a " naturist" because she obviously have no regard for you level of comfort what so ever.
Not everyone is comfortable with a house-mate that feels the need to be stark naked in front of them.... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that my gentle wife is reading books about murder and violence?
Q. I just found out that my wife of 5 years, a caring gentle woman in her 70"s, has been reading John Stanford books about violence, sex and murder. Should I be worried?...
A. 21 April 2020: I don't think so.
I think books like this is like a puzzle for the reader. We hear about the crime and how it is possibly solved.
How do you know she hasn't read other book in that genre before? She might have.
She might also be enjoying h... (read in full...)
How do I tackle the problem of my boyfriend commenting every time I eat something?
Q. I’ve recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I’ve noticed he makes comments every time I eat something. Anything. Like it’s too big or too much or I’m going to spoil my appetite if I have a snack. I don’t eat that much and I’m a thin girl so I’m...
A. 20 April 2020: Is this the ONLY thing he harps on?
Is he much older than you?
Is he financially in charge?
I'm wondering if he is doing what his mother used to do to him. The whole "spoiling your appetite" it's such a parent-child thing to say.
And if... (read in full...)
He goes by secret pseudonyms and follows random people I used to know or he used to work with. He doesn't know that I'm on to him
Q. My partner handed me their laptop so I could take a zoom meeting and I guess didn’t realize they had left their Instagram open. Well, he just made this new Instagram yesterday He had an old one which he had also kept a secret from me up until I ...
A. 20 April 2020: I both agree and disagree with Kenny.
I think if this is something that bothers you, BRING IT UP sooner rather than later.
As for him having a "secret Instagram" where he follows people you both know, I don't really think it HAS to be a sign... (read in full...)
Do I reach out to my deceased husband's brother?
Q. My husband died two years ago from cancer. He had an older brother who he stopped talking to for at least fifteen years (we were married for fifteen years and he refused to talk to him). I have no idea what happened between them two, except my ...
A. 20 April 2020: I think this is such a hard choice. Because you don't know WHY they stopped talking. There could be a valid reason. And you might not want to invite this man into your life.
So are there other siblings? Family members who might know more?
... (read in full...)
Are these enough warning signs that my partner isn't into me?
Q. So I have been in a relationship for almost 6 months and am wondering whether this relationship will last. I've had a lot of bad relationships, and childhood was not ideal so I doubt myself a lot and struggle with what a normal relationship should ...
A. 20 April 2020: I think you should suggest that he moves back home with his parents. ASAP.
This isn't going to work out because you are NOT compatible. You have voiced what you NEED from him but he doesn't feel he should comply or even think about your needs.
... (read in full...)
Does everyone "settle" or do they really believe they've found "the one"?
Q. Hi there, this might sound like quite a broad question but I'm interested to know people's thoughts. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 4 years and we're planning on moving in together this year. We've lived together on and off over ...
A. 19 April 2020: There isn't a "The One" specially MADE for you. That only happened for Adam and well, he lost a rib...
Joking aside, there are people who are a GOOD fit for you, and whom YOU are also a good fit. THAT is what I'd aim for. Someone that you can talk... (read in full...)
Was breaking up with him the right thing to do? How can I bite the bullet and just move on?
Q. Dear Cupids, My long distance bf and I are breaking up and it sucks. We met in the summer and fell head over heels for each other. I returned home after the summer and we kept in touch, however at one point we had a fall out,and we stopped ta...
A. 14 January 2020: You DID the right thing in ending it and you know it.
While I GET that you also feel that perhaps you should support him during this hard time in his life, YOU don't OWE him anything.
You being there for him won't make him do better at work, ... (read in full...)
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