Why is my married boyfriend emotionally torturing me? He keeps leaving me and then coming back!
Q. Why would the married man I've been involved with keep leaving me and coming back? He left me in July and came back. He just left me again. He said he loves me and that's why he has to let me go. Cause he can't stand seeing me suffer cause I want ...
A. 14 September 2020: Why does he keep leaving and coming back?
Because you LET him. YOU allow this emotional torture.
He doesn't LOVE you OH so much that he has to leave you... He LOVES himself so much that he has to dump you occasionally to keep the power over y... (read in full...)
He's the perfect guy who's been there for me in the darkest of times but why is he not making it official? Is he stringing me along?
Q. Mid June i met the most amazing guy, he’s brought a lot of happiness and Comfort to me at a bad time. My mom was diagnosed with blood cancer around six months ago and shes has just been on a steady decline, shes been hospitalized weeks at a time and ...
A. 14 September 2020: TBH. I don't see him stringing you along.
Why not simply ask him?
Are we BF/GF? Tell him that a label would make YOU feel better about everything. You would think he knows if he wants you two to be official or not by now.
BUT, by going w... (read in full...)
Should I move on or give him time to come around?
Q. I met a guy on face book about a month ago. We started chatting on messenger just getting to know each other. . he mentioned few times that we should hangout to get to know each other. I have asked him what he wants to do, and each time he would say ...
A. 13 September 2020: Eh, block the guy, honey.
He wasn't looking to get to know you, he was looking to "get to know you" (as in.... see you in private you two alone and probably hoping it would lead to some casual sex).
You are right, you don't know him from th... (read in full...)
I’m having problems refusing invitations coming from people who either do not take the virus seriously or have their own biases on what is safe, usually justifying what suits them
Q. Hi uncles and aunts, I have recently come across a question on « how to say no » and read your great answers. Even though my question is similar, I would really need your help, because it is specific to this pandemic situation. I’m having pro...
A. 13 September 2020: I have a different mindset than you, I don't think we can really hide or avoid a virus. Sure, some people feel (emphasis on FEEL) that masks help and then can... to a point. They can SLOW the spread If worn correctly and of a certain quality.
... (read in full...)
Should I ask my friend to be a sperm donor
Q. Should i ask a male friend if he would be a sperm donor for me ? we are both single and have known each other for a year and half we are not very close but often text to check in with each other , he has no children and isnt looking for a ...
A. 12 September 2020: Like both Code Warrior and WiseOwlE suggested this is not a simple or straight forward request.
I would ALSO suggest you contact a lawyer. Not just for your friend's sake but for yours and the potential child's. Do this BEFORE you ask. A child ma... (read in full...)
Why do my parents think that way?
Q. Hello, lately I am not understanding my parents. They raised me to get a degree and succeed in education which I did. I recently lost a part-time job due to COVID-19 and am getting interviewed soon for another job. My parents don't want me to take ...
A. 12 September 2020: I really don't know. Maybe sit down and ask them? There is a lot of guessing here.
Easier to just ask.
Our oldest got her hours cut down drastically and my husband suggest she apply, and when her hours got back up he suggested she let them kno... (read in full...)
I'm not happy keeping secrets in regards to our son's girlfriend
Q. My son met his gf when he first went to work abroad a few years ago. She is from Brasil. Last year he got all the paperwork he needed and headed off to Brasil to get married. She had told them they could marry in 6wks from his arrival, but tha...
A. 8 September 2020: I agree with Cindy,
DO some googling! Don't just presume your son knows what is needed, though I'd say it's HIS business, not yours, unless he expects YOU and your husband to be her sponsor (if they use that in the UK, I'm not familiar either).... (read in full...)
How can I avoid so much conflict in my relationship and be happier?
Q. I have been with my(27) bf (29) for 6 years. Recently things have been quite intense because of lockdown and I feel like we keep falling into certain arguments. My bf is funny and can be sweet and we have a lot in common. However, he struggle...
A. 7 September 2020: Jeeez OP
" I spend a lot of time thinking about how to make my bf happy but it feels like I rarely get it right. "
How about YOU in all this? You bend over backwards and he nitpicks.
I don't think you are as good of a fit as you think. You ... (read in full...)
How do I stop feeling the need to give a valid reason when refusing something?
Q. How do I stop feeling the need to give a valid reason when refusing something? First of all I'd like to let you know that I never blame other people for trying to get their way. This is ALL on me. I had this problem for as long as I can remembe...
A. 7 September 2020: This IS a common "woman" problem. So don't feel bad that YOU have this issue. MOST of us do.
You ask HOW do I stop, by starting to say NO, when you WANT to say no. Don't use I can't because blah blah blah. Say, I won't or just a simple no.
L... (read in full...)
Husband went to a dominatrix should I just let him do his thing?
Q. I found messages on my husbands phone from a dominatrix he been to see. He had told me that he to attend a training course but was actually with this dominatrix for 3 entire days. He claims not to have had sex but instead was dressed as a woman and ...
A. 6 September 2020: You ask if you should "just let him"... And that is something none of us can answer.
How do you feel about this?
Can you afford it?
Do you feel it would improve on your marriage or not?
Personally? If my husband went and spend that much... (read in full...)
What do I write to this troubled man in prison that is a friend of the family?
Q. Dear Cupids, My husband and I bought a house in a village 6 years ago. We go there a couple of times a year and hope to retire there. When we came there, we met a couple. We’re in our forties and they are 55 and 64. They have two grown chil...
A. 6 September 2020: I'm kinda with Code Warrior on this.
I would not know WHAT to write and whatever I "would" write would be impersonal and weird because I don't know the guy.
I would instead just tell her that it doesn't feel right to do. The end.... (read in full...)
How should I leave things with him when I say goodbye to my crush?
Q. Hi Cupid I would like some advice regarding a guy. I developed a crush on a personal trainer at my local gym. I don’t know how it all started but I attended a lot of exercise classes and he would teach these classes. I found myself naturally...
A. 5 September 2020: I think your sister is correct in saying it is not professional for a Personal trainer to be all flirt with his clients. However, THAT is how they do business.
And IF this guy had be OH SO into you, he wouldn't have started dating someone else, he... (read in full...)
He thinks it's okay to keep things from me, and I am struggling to trust him!
Q. I am at my wit's end! My boyfriend blames me for the disagreement we are now having. He says I am paranoid and don't trust him and he acts passive aggressive, dismissing all my feelings and then later cutting off all conversation with me. I have ...
A. 5 September 2020: This is way to long a story.
OP, you DO NOT trust him so why are you dating him?
And no, you DO not trust him further than you can throw him and MAYBE for good reason, however... you treat him like he is some naughty little child who HAD to... (read in full...)
I want to both be with him and also be like him my crush of 12 years
Q. I've had a crush on a guy for about 12 years possibly 13. We went to school together and while we weren't exactly friends I had a tough time at school being bullied and he was always nice to me. We were in a lot of the same classes for a wh...
A. 4 September 2020: Kenny is absolutely right,
You are now an adult and clinging on to some school fantasy, come on...
Instead of comparing yourself to him, see that HE is doing well and mentally WISH him well. And then work on what YOU want to achieve. HIM doi... (read in full...)
I'm not comfortable dating a woman who doesn't share my views on sex. Should I cancel the date?
Q. Dear cupid, I decided a long time ago to remain celibate until marriage. I am not religious, it's my upbringing. Sex outside marriage whether premarital or extra marital is taboo. I been talking to a woman who has shown interest in me, and decid...
A. 4 September 2020: I think the ONLY way to find yourself a partner who feels and thinks in the same lanes as you, is to BE very upfront about it.
Make SURE a woman knowns that THIS is how you feel and THOSE are your expectations for a partner. Then SHE can decide i... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become obsessed about his weight and is doing strange things
Q. I've been with my fiance for nearly 3 years but in total we've been a couple for 8 and a half years; since lockdown began he's become obsessed with his weight, and thinks he's obese (even though he isn't, he's muscular) and spends hours ordering ...
A. 4 September 2020: I would suggest to him that he ACTUALLY talks to a REAL dietitian through his doctor, and get a meal plan and go to a GYM and hire a personal trainer and works out.
If Donald Trump claiming "McDonalds fries are a great weight loss cure; just eat... (read in full...)
My husband thinks I ask too much of him. Do I?
Q. Good afternoon, I have been married for 10 years. For the past years, my husband has told me he feels as though, I ask too much of him. Recently within the last year we opened up an auto shop and due to COVID he had to get a part time job, in addit...
A. 4 September 2020: I think you need to find short cuts that will work for you both.
Otherwise it seems like you are the parent and he is the child, being TOLD what to do.
A couple of short cuts I can see that would be easy?
1. get disposable food prep con... (read in full...)
Bf masturbated to his female friend, considering leaving him
Q. my bf of 6 months has a hot female friend that posts sexy fb photos everyday showing her body and posts flirty comments on my bf's profile. they have been friends for a decade, still go out from time to time and are still in touch. they have never ...
A. 3 September 2020: Gross.
No, not all guys do this. Just the sleazy ones.
And I have to agree IF YOU think this is a deal-breaker... then it IS a deal-breaker and definitely time to end it. If you STAY you are saying that hi behavior IS OK. Even if you VERBALLY ... (read in full...)
It's SO NOT FAIR that he gets to deduct from child support whenever he wants and says I'm taking advantage of him! I'm SO UPSET!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm feeling quite sad and upset tonight. Seeking some advice on how to process what I am feeling and/or what to do about it. I wrote for advice a month ago (I think) about this topic, but at that time it was focused on how my daughter ...
A. 3 September 2020: This is what happens when people don't LAGALIZE a support agreement.
Legally? You have no leg to stand on. I know that sucks financially, but you made an agreement that he could pay what he was able to NOT what you would want.
So what can y... (read in full...)
My boyfriend made a rude remark about my new hobby. Should I get another hobby?
Q. I am going riding with a motorcycle riding group. My boyfriend has encouraged me to get some hobbies I do on my own. I've always liked going on scenic drives on motorcycles. So I found this group. When I told my boyfriend about it, he said that ...
A. 2 September 2020: I don't know... to be really frank here, I find it a little odd to start riding BEHIND a stranger on motorcycles to "see the scenery".
It's like sharing a horse, you have to lean into the other person, you have to sway with the horse. Not much dif... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if I wasted 9 years of my life with him. He came out as transgender with no warning and wants us to live as a gay couple
Q. (I'm using their preferred gender pronouns here, not birth ones). I'm married (18 months) and have a 4-year-old daughter. Last week my wife admitted to me that he was transgender and had only married me for money and to have a child. He...
A. 2 September 2020: My advice? Document everything.
He can't just take your child and sod off. And he can't MAKE you move to Manhattan or anywhere else. If HE wants to move that is a choice HE can make FOR himself. Not for the entire family. And there is no way I'd ... (read in full...)
Gay crush on someone I have never met
Q. I have a crush on a guy I have never met and its making me miserable. I once spoke to this guy on a Grindr a year and half a ago and he did actually ask to meet for a Coffee. I said I couldn’t make it at the time due to work but offered to meet ...
A. 1 September 2020: He is doing this for his OWN ego's sake, OP
Just block him and find someone who is as INTERESTED in you as you are in them.... (read in full...)
I know I need to end things with my boyfriend but so much is going on now. Do I wait?
Q. My boyfriend got really drunk on Friday. We were out. He drank way too much, too fast. He was a mess, I was embarrassed. One of his friends made a comment about him sobering up one day, and my boyfriend went to try and punch him, but the bloke got ...
A. 1 September 2020: Get the room, call in favors from ALL your friends to come help move you out. Make sure you have enough moving boxes for all your stuff.
Postponing your exam is a little late as it is, unless you feel you can't do a good job at your exam, I would ... (read in full...)
My boss is a mess we've all tried to help and now I'm being asked to rat on him. I don't know what to do
Q. Hello Dear Cupids Thank you for taking the time to read my post and appreciate any advice you may be able to offer. I have worked along side a colleague for close to 3 years. Making up a small team of 5, my role of that of 2IC. Given the size a...
A. 31 August 2020: I understand that he is a friend, but the company PAYS him to do a job, that he IS NOT doing. What he IS doing is bring drama and making everything harder for the team.
So IF I were you I would PREFACE my e-mail to management with the note tha... (read in full...)
Am I the bad guy or did I do the right thing?
Q. I graduated uni this year and am leaving town at the end of next week.. I dated a girl during second year of uni, and then it was going badly/she was being shady and flaky and talking to HER ex (she slept with him after we broke up, and also went on ...
A. 31 August 2020: Eh, don't fret.
She wasn't the girl for you. Now she wants to make drama to get some sympathy from her friends.... WHO CARES?!
Wasn't she the one who was spreading gossip about you?
Good riddance to her.
Yes, you did the right thing ... (read in full...)
Should I just cut this guy from my life?
Q. should I just cut this guy from my life? I really don't want to but have a feeling I should for my own good. So I'm completely in love with this guy. We were school lovers and he broke my heart. Then ten years later we got back in contact with ...
A. 31 August 2020: I agree with Cindy
For one, you should NEVER go back to an ex, even one from 0 years ago. While you both might have grown, there is history there, not all good. And he can't be the only guy out there.
YOU put yourself in this situation. You m... (read in full...)
Was this doctor inappropriate or am I overreacting?
Q. I am 35 years old and a mother of one. Happily married for the last 5 years. When the pandemic was just starting to take shape, we shifted into a new apartment complex, within the campus where my husband works. Our new neighbours include a young ...
A. 31 August 2020: You went for an informal consult of a stranger and neighbor.
If the medication he wanted to prescribe means there should be no pregnancies or intentions (in the near future) of getting pregnant) then I think his question was on point. You shou... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wasn't there for me at my lowest and now I've lost trust
Q. Please read and offer your opinion. I have been in a wonderful and fulfilling relationship for the past two years. We are best friends as well as lovers. We share so much and are aligned in so many ways. Chemistry, trust, communication and love are ...
A. 30 August 2020: Well, don't forget she CAN change her mind at any time as to whether she STILL wants to wait or not.
And life doesn't just stand still while you are in jail. HER life isn't just consisted of her waiting for you and
writing to you. She also HAV... (read in full...)
Strong sexual feelings for future mother in law
Q. I have been living with my boyfriend for one year now. Through everything we've been through, including covid and family issues (my family) I feel like we have really been able to get to know each other and see that our relationship can work and we ...
A. 27 August 2020: One word,
SELF CONTROL.... (read in full...)
No spark on the first date, should there be a second?
Q. I went on a first date which I had been really looking forward to. It was a guy I met via a dating app and the chat before had been really good. However within the first 5 seconds of meeting, I knew I wasn't attracted to him at all. The date ...
A. 27 August 2020: What will it hurt to go on a second date?
Sparks and fireworks doesn't equal a GREAT match. Just chemistry.
Maybe it does come down to you having way too high expectations because the chats went so well that it just didn't live up to reality?
... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't approve of my sister's life choices and I'm caught in the middle
Q. My husband has had a very negative attitude towards my sister’s decision to have a kid on her own. She bought sperm and paid for an IVF treatment in a private clinic. There were no tests, no counseling as if she were paying for a paint job. I unde...
A. 27 August 2020: Sit your husband down and tell him HOW you feel. That you agree 100% with him, that you don't feel you OWE your sister to take care or raise this child and that you will NOT be guilted into taking the child "IF" she has to work. That you 100% ... (read in full...)
Can cousins be romantically involved with each other? If so, what is the best way to go about it, including talking to our family about it?
Q. My cousin and I grew up on the same street. Both of us are 35 years old, don't want kids and we share the same hobbies When we were teenagers, we used to sneak off to hold hands, make out and we only had sex once when we were 17 years old. When ...
A. 27 August 2020: While I don't believe in soul mates there are some people we just click with more than others.
For most people growing up with someone can often take them off the "romantic list" especially if you are related. For you two it didn't.
Are you... (read in full...)
How was I supposed to react to this situation?
Q. We have a friend staying with us who is doing some carpentry for us (for pay), and this evening before dinner I said to the hot and dusty guy, "don't you want to take a shower before dinner?" he declined and I repeated, "are you sure? I can ask ...
A. 27 August 2020: I don't think you made a faux pas here, he was dusty and dirty from working. Most people would have said, thanks and jumped in the shower.
But the thing is, this is a GROWN ASS man, if he wanted to take a shower he would have. Being asked 5 times ... (read in full...)
I like him but my friends have bad things to say about him
Q. I like this guy a lot, we have a great connection, we talk like friends, we have great intellectual conversations too and we have a great sexual attraction BUT he was in high school with some of my now friends. And they have nothing but weird an...
A. 26 August 2020: Personally, I would listen to my friends. Where there is smoke there is OFTEN fire.
They aren't talking badly about him for no reason. Now some stuff might be old stuff, maybe he has matured but the thing is they are trying to make sure YOU don'... (read in full...)
Never had a long term relationship - any advice?
Q. I'm 25 years old and I've never been in a long term or serious relationship. I'm happy with myself and with my life, I have great friends, a job I love and a fab family and on the whole I am very content with being single but I feel like I'm at a ...
A. 26 August 2020: Hi OP,
When you are on these dating apps, and go on dates do YOU pick the guy, or is the first contact always from them?
If it is, maybe YOU need to be the one looking and picking out some YOU would like to date, and try not to purely base it o... (read in full...)
Why did He asked to finish inside me during sex?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for two months. The day he came over and was saying weird things he normally doesn’t say. We started cuddling and he said “i don’t know how you’re going to feel about this but ... i have love for you” then about 20 minutes ...
A. 25 August 2020: You don't OWE him to finish inside of you. But you would have a MUCH easier time of being in control if that if you kept condoms around and didn't have sex without your partner wearing one. It's just common sense to use a condom with a new partner ... (read in full...)
Should I continue seeing him even though he lied?
Q. I went on a couple of dates with this guy, we met online. He's a bit older than me, runs a successful company and is handsome. On out dates he was very sweet, considerate and romantic. A really nice guy, who seemed almost too good to be true. For ...
A. 25 August 2020: While I get it's easier (to a point) to ignore his calls, I would probably just take the call and tell him you don't see the two of you going any further, wish him well and THEN block his number.
You don't NEED to give him a more in depth explanat... (read in full...)
Should I continue seeing him even though he lied?
Q. I went on a couple of dates with this guy, we met online. He's a bit older than me, runs a successful company and is handsome. On out dates he was very sweet, considerate and romantic. A really nice guy, who seemed almost too good to be true. For ...
A. 25 August 2020: If you are 100% sure that you got the right person, I would decline any further contact.
Why?
Because if a man will lie about having been married and having kids, he will lie about ANYTHING and EVERTYHING.
Plus the wife could be on a famil... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as right person, wrong time?
Q. I dated this guy for about three months and he ticked all the boxes for me. We were compatible, had everything in common and we had amazing chemistry. I'm usually very picky and don't often feel this way about someone, I've been single for 2 years ...
A. 25 August 2020: OP, you ask "was the 'I'm not ready' just an excuse because he just wasn't that into me?"
That is impossible to know 100%
BUT... The fact that he was willing to date you SO fresh out of a relationship only for 3 months makes me think you were m... (read in full...)
Gay crush on someone I have never met
Q. I have a crush on a guy I have never met and its making me miserable. I once spoke to this guy on a Grindr a year and half a ago and he did actually ask to meet for a Coffee. I said I couldn’t make it at the time due to work but offered to meet ...
A. 24 August 2020: What is the best way?
Stop "stalking" him. If he shows up on the dating app, move past him. You already know he isn't going to want anything to do with you. You "rejected him" first so now you are just not someone he wants anything to do with. Ma... (read in full...)
The man I'm dating leaves me in the dark about things
Q. Hello. Been a while. The guy ive been seeing for about two months now has in every other aspect been great minus the issues im here to ask opinions on. He was in a 14 year relationship that ended a year ago. They have two children. He had the ...
A. 24 August 2020: First off, BLOCK her. She doesn't need to text or call you. AT ALL. She is no one to you and you are no one to her.
Also block her on all YOUR social media. And don't troll hers either.
Secondly... It seems like this isn't going to work. H... (read in full...)
Why did He asked to finish inside me during sex?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for two months. The day he came over and was saying weird things he normally doesn’t say. We started cuddling and he said “i don’t know how you’re going to feel about this but ... i have love for you” then about 20 minutes ...
A. 23 August 2020: I have to agree with YCNBS,
If he is ASKING to come inside you AND also keeps telling you not to leave him, it sounds like it is partly a "marking his territory" (your body) and partly in the "if she gets pregnant she won't leave me.
There a... (read in full...)
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