How can my husband and I obtain common ground so we can adopt a child?
Q. Not really sure where else to discuss this. I've been married for 4 years and my husband and I both want children. Not our own, but adopting a child. I didn't want the medical issues that came with pregnancy (my mum told me that giving birth to...
A. 5 April 2021: Maybe you two should start by looking at an adoption agency first? To see if you qualify?
Then see what they have to "offer" as far as where kids come from.
Personally, I don't think the "WHERE" they are from is the tip priority (or rat... (read in full...)
After one date he starts asking about sexy pictures. I like him but the vibe has changed
Q. Happy Easter fellow agony aunts! So, I am in need of some advice of this guy that I have been speaking/ seeing... so here we go! I have been speaking to this guy for pushing on 4 weeks now, we met on “tinder” and if I’m being honest, at first...
A. 5 April 2021: You write:
"He wants me to come see him and possibly stay with him Thursday evening but after this, I am not sure."
Come see him is "code" for come stay over and HAVE sex. I think you are smart enough to know that.
A 3 dates rule means what?... (read in full...)
Is my relationship over or do I need to get help for depression?
Q. Me and my fiancé have been together for about 22 months. The beginning was perfect, as it always is. However, since I moved in with him, the novelty of our relationship wore off and things haven’t been the same between us. He is totally in denia...
A. 5 April 2021: 1. You say you never trust him. That doesn't bode well, OP And it's a good reason for NOT getting married and NOT be dating this guy.
2. He dismisses your feelings. Tell you everything is fine. Because it's easier than LISTENING to what you have... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend says he wants his future to be with me but he is buying another house with his wife
Q. My married boyfriend is vowing that he no longer wants to stay married to his wife. She does not know this though. He tells me he is working on their marriage for her benefit and to appease her, although it is not what he wants. He is going through ...
A. 3 April 2021: Ah, OP
You are "dating" a liar, and you have finally caught on.
He wants to leave her so she won't know he is leaving her for you. OP, how dense does he think his wife is? She knows he has had an affair if he leaves and starts to date you... t... (read in full...)
Girlfriend hiding messages
Q. Hey! So my girlfriend have been hiding texts from me. She doesnt mind responding to peoples snaps when Im sitting next to her, but with this one guy, she is waiting until I stand to go do something. I confronted her and she said that she hadnt sp...
A. 3 April 2021: Try and do the same around her. It can be to your mom or whoever, just glance at the phone, don't answer right away and as soon as she gets up, answer (OR get up to answer where SHE can't see your phone).
I know, I know it's like advocati... (read in full...)
My wife screams, yells, rants, and cusses at the smallest thing. What to do?
Q. When the slightest little thing goes wrong, my wife starts cussing, yelling, stomping her feet, biting her lip, clenching her fists, and overall just pitching a fit. The other morning she knocked over a basket full of small items all over the floo...
A. 2 April 2021: I agree with FA
Abuse is abuse. She isn't going to change. This is who she is. If she knows this is "bad behavior" but hasn't sought help to STOP it ON HER own, she isn't going to for you.
Leave, divorce, and find a HEALTHY partner.... (read in full...)
How can he stay hard after he ejaculates?
Q. Very weird question but my new bf can stay hard after ejaculating and carry on until he does it again. I didn't know this was possible ? I've never seen that before. ...
A. 1 April 2021: Yep, it's not uncommon, and.. your BF is in his 20's as well?
It's more likely something he will not be able to keep up over the years but like Code Warrior pointed out, for some men, it's quite normal.
Just make sure you use a NEW condom after... (read in full...)
Its time to call out my friend for her terrible behavior
Q. What am I to do ? I have a « friend ». For years I’ve known that she sometimes badmouths me behind my back. Today I got a piece of written proof. SHe has a terrible temper and she looks for excuses. It’s never her fault; it’s always someone e...
A. 1 April 2021: I agree with Code Warrior,
Dump her. This isn't a friend. She yells at one person and then blames it on another, taking no responsibility for her behavior.
Why would EITHER of you (the women who got yelled at) BOTHER with this kind of toxic pe... (read in full...)
How do I dial back on the troubled relationship I have with my sister?
Q. Thanks to all who respond, I am having a bit of a time with my sister. I really like and admire her but we are not all that compatible. I find her a borderline bully at times. She is kind but she talks to me in this tough direct manner and I fin...
A. 31 March 2021: How about you ACCEPT her for who she is?
She is not you. You are not her.
You might be intropsective, she is not.
You might be better at "talking around" a subject to make it sounds more polite, she doesn't mince words.
You are two VE... (read in full...)
I just found out that I have twin 1/2 sisters. How do I handle this?
Q. I'm asking a question about half-siblings. My dad told me this weekend I have two half-siblings, Talia and Jane; Dad's ex from years ago contacted him via Facebook out of the blue and told him about his daughters; it means that I've got two hal...
A. 31 March 2021: It's a little late for your dad to worry, his "kids" have been in the World for 36 years!
I can't imagine WHO he didn't find a way to keep in contact with his kids! That to me is unimaginable!
If he is on the birth certificate he h... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my jealousy of not being a grandmother when I am around my friends who are grandparents?
Q. My son, John, is a only child. He is 36 years old and he became a Catholic priest in his 20s which is completely fine with me. The issue that I am having is all my friends now have grandchildren and they always talk about grandchildren th...
A. 31 March 2021: Volunteer perhaps?
If there are places where people can come read books or the likes (libraries and day-care/preschool - Sunday school for some churches). That way you can get to spend time with little kids who will no doubt adore you! And, you... (read in full...)
How to deal with girlfrfiend's 'avoidant tendancies'
Q. I have been dating a girl for a little over 3 months. I mostly feel very good about the relationship. The only problem is that she has strong avoidant attachment tendencies. I like to think that I am a particularly kind/patient/understanding person ...
A. 30 March 2021: Argh!
EDIT
It read:" You can not diagnose her and you definitely should try and be her therapist."
Should have been:
You can not diagnose her and you definitely should NOT try and be her therapist.... (read in full...)
My husband wants a professional sexologist watch us have sex s that she could give us pointers on how to improve our sex life!
Q. My husband wants to bring a third party into our relationship, but no, this isn't what you think. It's not about a threesome; he wants to bring a professional sexologist to watch us having sex and give pointers on how to improve our sex life, he...
A. 30 March 2021: OK, this is really simple.
Either you think you two need this and want to do it, OR you don't. If you don't - tell him no, final answer.
I would REALLY presume that a couple who have been together for 16 years can TALK about where to improve... (read in full...)
How to deal with girlfrfiend's 'avoidant tendancies'
Q. I have been dating a girl for a little over 3 months. I mostly feel very good about the relationship. The only problem is that she has strong avoidant attachment tendencies. I like to think that I am a particularly kind/patient/understanding person ...
A. 29 March 2021: I think YOU need to slow down. You have only been dating for 3 months. She needs time and WAY more patience than you think.
Also, she misunderstood your text because deep down SHE doesn't KNOW you that well. And YOU don't know HER that well. YE... (read in full...)
How to deal with girlfrfiend's 'avoidant tendancies'
Q. I have been dating a girl for a little over 3 months. I mostly feel very good about the relationship. The only problem is that she has strong avoidant attachment tendencies. I like to think that I am a particularly kind/patient/understanding person ...
A. 29 March 2021: I think YOU need to slow down. You have only been dating for 3 months. She needs time and WAY more patience than you think.
Also, she misunderstood your text because deep down SHE doesn't KNOW you that well. And YOU don't know HER that well. YE... (read in full...)
I want to become a nurse but my husband isn't supportive
Q. I think my relationship is dying but I don’t know how to save it. My partner and I have been having relationship issues for almost 18 months and it’s not helping my mental health as I have PND (being in a pandemic with several lockdowns also h...
A. 29 March 2021: Being cheeky might be his way of handling things. Yours is to feel depressed. People handle things differently.
If you WANT to go back to school and get a nursing degree, then work on saving up to finance it yourself as HE is no help. Once you... (read in full...)
I fear my husband will cheat on my while overseas
Q. My husband of 10 years is currently residing in Spain because of his work. His tenure is 4 months and he is returning in May. I have been suffering extreme anxiety worrying if he is having his sexual needs met there without me. 4 months is a long t...
A. 29 March 2021: Stoicism.
Look into it. There are plenty of books on how to practise that in life. IT can be helpful to someone like you who is obsessively worrying.
Basically, it's a philosophy that teaches you to LET go of all the things you can't control an... (read in full...)
My fiance's friend is harrassing him with inappropriate photos
Q. My fiance told me on Saturday that he kept getting WhatsApp messages off a friend of his with pictures of the friend in his underwear and asking for pictures of my fiance in his underwear, constantly, so he blocked him. He's known the guy since 20...
A. 29 March 2021: Contact a lawyer.
If the lawyer can send a cease and desist letter to this "friend" it might be the FIRST step. If the "friend" ignores it, then consult if he needs to involve the police or wife.
It's such a weird thing going on if your husba... (read in full...)
Did I just make up everything in my head? He finally told me we are just a FWB relationship
Q. I've met a guy four months ago and we hit it off from the very start. We texted multiple times a day, every day first thing in the morning, last thing before bed. We went on official dates, slept over at each other's (had amazing sex), cooked meals ...
A. 29 March 2021: Good for you.
Don't waste energy and emotions on someone who can't reciprocate.
... (read in full...)
My partner has a problem with me keeping a single, small picture of my late husband in my apartment
Q. Dear cupid and everyone, i just wanna ask something. Is it really that bad to honor your late husband with just one Single little picture of him in your own apartment just for a respect? Beside you and your new Partner are not living in your a...
A. 29 March 2021: Why are you with him if he is so stupid and narrow-minded?
I don't think you OWE it to a new partner to erase your last husband from your life totally. After all, you are you because of the experiences you had with your husband. Your husband ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend refuses to get treatment for mental illness and her behaviour and attitude is really getting to me
Q. Hi and thanks My gf and I have been together over a year. She is very moody which is getting to me. She will be sweet and loving, then aloof and rude. She does suffer from mental illness and chooses not to be treated. I try ot encourage...
A. 29 March 2021: You can't change her, you can't change her mental health or how she feels or thinks.
You suggested she seek help, he refused. So that is where you are at.
You have dated her for a year so you have a fairly good idea of how she is and who she i... (read in full...)
I want to help my wife with her troubled work situation but I am unsure how to
Q. My wife Sabrina works in the film/TV industry in Hollywood, and her job effectively can't be done from home, or not very well (she hates doing it over Zoom) and I'm suspecting she may be depressed; she usually loves her job. My wife works in a ...
A. 29 March 2021: If I were in your wife's shoes I would avoid talk of politics at work altogether.
If people want to be "woke" that is on them. Your wife is entitled to her own opinions and there are definitely a time and place to share those and to NOT share th... (read in full...)
Why does my husband look at other women?
Q. when I was on holiday with my husband last year I noticed him looking over at a table where two couples were sitting having a meal. it was our last night on holiday and he said he was looking at the food one of the women were having as she was ...
A. 27 March 2021: Why not simply walk away every time he does this?
If he asks tell him it's embarrassing that he ogles women the way he does. And it's disrespectful to you AND to the woman.
While we don't go blind to attractive people there is such a thin... (read in full...)
I'm hopelessly in love with my teacher
Q. I have a slight problem...I really like my teacher! I know there are lots of these questions about but I really need an answer! Well ever since I've known him I've had feelings for him. It started off just a small crush but over the past three y...
A. 26 March 2021: I know at your age these feelings seem so huge, the emotions so overwehealiming. But they will pass.
You know that it's not appropriate for a teacher to get involved with a student and while you THINK you share so much in common, you don't sh... (read in full...)
My fiance forgot he was still married??
Q. MOD NOTE: For the sake of those who love to call out posts being "troll"...I have my doubts about this but let it through anyways so save the comments please!!! My fiance John told me last night that he had a big confession to make; the confessi...
A. 26 March 2021: I'm with Code Warrior.
I think he is full of it. Sure he might not think about it in his daily life as the "marriage" never affected him or his life as they never lived together.
I find it a little convenient that he remembers now, but not whe... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with my stepbrother's baby. How do we tell our parents?
Q. Dear cupid, I am in desperate need of some advice. My boyfriend and I are pregnant. Now here's the problem. My boyfriend is my step brother. Even worse we live directly above our parents. Its a separate apartment. Now we've had feelings...
A. 26 March 2021: I think the sooner the better.
I want to say this though, and not to kick you while you are down but WHAT were you thinking to have unprotected sex when you are both financially in the crapper?
You and your stepbrother/partner need to sit down... (read in full...)
Husband not happy with wife's ex
Q. My wife and I are not in sync anymore. Both of us are professionals and make enough money to keep certain lifestyle. She is wonderful, She is hot and the love of my life. She comes from a great family high in morals and education. Me on the contrary ...
A. 25 March 2021: I have to agree with Code Warrior.
You might not have meant to doubt her or hurt her (though I think you did because you two were arguing, and attacking her past is an easy way to "score points" - not a good way to do that though.)
You nee... (read in full...)
Will men in general settle for having average, lacklustre or even bad sex over NO sex at all?
Q. I know this is a generalization. But would you say it is reasonable to assume that many or most or at least some men would take average, mediocre or even bad sex over having no sex at all? For example, if they are on a business trip or away from ...
A. 25 March 2021: It's not like sex is comparable to air. We NEED air to breathe and live. We do NOT NEED sex to live.
Sure people have physical desires (I wouldn't call them needs because they CAN forgo them - anyone can, it all depends on the willpower and char... (read in full...)
Girlfriend texting guy she never mentioned before
Q. Hey there. So my girlfriend and I have been together for 8 months now, and I need some advise. She is texting some guy on a regular basis (I see the snaps coming in on her phone when we're together sometimes), and that in it self doesn't bother m...
A. 25 March 2021: I'd ask her how she would feel if YOU were texting an old FWB.
And then you have to consider if YOU are OK with this or not. I don't think "telling her" that she can't talk to him is the best approach but I think telling her that you find it kind ... (read in full...)
Can't seem to get along with boyfriend's sister and aunt, how to break this cycle?
Q. Hi all, I've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and I just can't seem to connect with some female members of his family. First off, had a weird interaction with his sister and aunt on a trip 2 years ago where I walked in on them chatti...
A. 24 March 2021: Being honest is good. Especially between friends. Unfortunately, these two women aren't your friends.
That is why I called it starting drama. Pretty sure this is common behavior for these two. They aren't used to be called on their bad behavior... (read in full...)
Girlfriend texting guy she never mentioned before
Q. Hey there. So my girlfriend and I have been together for 8 months now, and I need some advise. She is texting some guy on a regular basis (I see the snaps coming in on her phone when we're together sometimes), and that in it self doesn't bother m...
A. 23 March 2021: Why not ask her - Who is "Bob" ?(insert the name you see on Snapchat) next time you sit next to her and she gets a chat from him.
Then she can CHOOSE to elaborate or not.
... (read in full...)
My uncle stepped in after my father passed away. Would it be appropriate to ask him to walk me down the aisle when I marry?
Q. When I was 10 years old, my father passed away. My uncle (my dad's brother) stepped up to the plate and helped my mom, my brother and I out. My uncle was single with no kids of his own and he always spent time with my brother and I, even before my ...
A. 23 March 2021: Of course!!
Maybe ask your mom what she thinks? Before you ask?
I think it would be 100% appropriate.... (read in full...)
Casual Nudity with Mother In Law
Q. This past summer, my wife, kids, and I went on vacation with my in-laws. We shared a lovely condo on the beach. Since we were at the beach, I went shirtless most of the time and typically just wore my swim shorts or athletic shorts with no underwear ...
A. 23 March 2021: I think you could ask her (be dressed while you ask, ok?) and then tell her that you don't mind putting on a pair of shorts if she is more comfortable with that. DO NOT tell her that you enjoy her gawking. That is creepy!
Personally? I think it... (read in full...)
I'm not sure whether to end this relationship or keep dating or what!
Q. For over a year, I have been "dating" a woman who I met at a folk dancing club, the only time I have met anyone in open play, although that was the goal of attending Her life has been a ripping yarn, indeed she has written 3 unpublished nove...
A. 22 March 2021: "I do not know if she is a tart, naive, reckless, selfish, adventurous, lonely or affectionate."
She is probably a bit of all the above. Like most people.
I think it's hard to give you advice here.
You write :
"We have nothing in commo... (read in full...)
Did I just make up everything in my head? He finally told me we are just a FWB relationship
Q. I've met a guy four months ago and we hit it off from the very start. We texted multiple times a day, every day first thing in the morning, last thing before bed. We went on official dates, slept over at each other's (had amazing sex), cooked meals ...
A. 22 March 2021: He is taking what the ex did to him out on you. All the while USING you. His ex hurt him. That isn't your fault. You are not responsible for another woman's actions. That makes him an unmitigated ass.
If he doesn't want to date seriously for the ... (read in full...)
Can't seem to get along with boyfriend's sister and aunt, how to break this cycle?
Q. Hi all, I've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and I just can't seem to connect with some female members of his family. First off, had a weird interaction with his sister and aunt on a trip 2 years ago where I walked in on them chatti...
A. 22 March 2021: Stop trying so hard to be their friend. YOU are not.
Just because you date the brother/nephew doesn't mean they have to like you and want to spend time with you.
They don't like you because you confronted them on behavior THEY DO all the time ... (read in full...)
Should I just bite the bullet and invite an old friend out for coffee and see how it goes?
Q. Hi, I'm in my mid forties and have had a crush on a childhood boy/ man now, for years. We've never had a full conversation before besides saying "hi". From what I've observed, he seemed to be the quiet type when it comes to girls/ ladies. Our ...
A. 21 March 2021: Absolutely agree with the guys here, HOLD your horses.
You had a crush on this guy as a CHILD and have built him up to be this AMAZING man, that he may or may NOT be.
You have never had an actual conversation, you have no idea who he is and ho... (read in full...)
My fiance and I are considering become a throuple with her ex girlfriend
Q. I've been with my fiancee Becky for 8 years, we got engaged in 2018 and are getting married in 2022; it was planned for 2020 but got cancelled, first due to our work schedules from January to March, and now the coronavirus pandemic. I'm 38, my wif...
A. 20 March 2021: So what that AVA wants to date your fiance?
Let me repeat...
SO WHAT?
Adding a 3rd person is USUALLY disastrous. Just look for the many many posts on here where things went really wrong when adding another person.
Ava is not looking to d... (read in full...)
I was brave and told a co-worker how I felt but he's sort of left me hanging
Q. I have recently bravely declared my feelings to a colleague *R whom has recently left the supermarket Morrisons company a week ago to train for a new working from home job. Me and R shared banter and bonded well. I told him one to one privatel...
A. 20 March 2021: I think you need to accept that he isn't interested. Ge was being super polite in turning you down with several avenues of him backing away.
1. "It would be a bit risky for us to court. "
2. "we both have challenges to overcome in our lives"
... (read in full...)
Me, Him & His Sugar Mama
Q. So back in 2009 I went on holiday for a few months to my homeland. My father owns a home there so that’s where I went to stay. A man who I didn’t know came to the house one morning looking for my father, he said he used to work for him and noticed ...
A. 19 March 2021: Seems like he likes to USE women for their money. It almost reminds me of those "romance schemes" from Nigeria. Seriously.
I think if you have any common sense you will wish him well and cut all contact.
This IS NOT a good guy. Look at how he h... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my ex and my fiance being in a relationship
Q. I've become concerned about my fiance Simon; he's been spending a lot of time with my ex-boyfriend John, and now rumours in the neighbourhood are that they're in a sexual relationship together. I broke up with John in 2013 and got with Steve in Ma...
A. 18 March 2021: You say your ex isn't gay or bi, but... you also worry about these rumors that he is having a relationship with your ex.
Either he IS NOT gay/bi and NOT having a thing with your ex or... HE is.
You say there a rumors "in the neighborhood" - ... (read in full...)
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