I'm worried about my ex and my fiance being in a relationship
Q. I've become concerned about my fiance Simon; he's been spending a lot of time with my ex-boyfriend John, and now rumours in the neighbourhood are that they're in a sexual relationship together. I broke up with John in 2013 and got with Steve in Ma...
A. 18 March 2021: You say your ex isn't gay or bi, but... you also worry about these rumors that he is having a relationship with your ex.
Either he IS NOT gay/bi and NOT having a thing with your ex or... HE is.
You say there a rumors "in the neighborhood" - ... (read in full...)
My ex lover wants me to send back the vibrator he gave me as a present
Q. This is a pretty bizarre and embarrassing question, but I need someone to tell me what I should do. I dated a guy for just over a couple of months, and it was pretty intense fairly fast (this was when the pubs and bars were still open). He got me...
A. 18 March 2021: Just tell him you threw it out.
Yeah, that is a weird and odd request to send it back.
And I think you need to stop fooling yourself into thinking this guy is your "friend". He is not. Does he want to control who you use sex toys with? I mea... (read in full...)
I have anxiety about being in photos which makes it difficult in this world full of social media. How can I cope?
Q. I am an older man in my 40s who is really having trouble adapting to social media and the digital world it has spawned. It's not because I am not tech savvy, because I am. I am a software engineer by trade. It's because I have a bad self-image....
A. 17 March 2021: I don't have social media. AT all. You don't NEED social media to live. Some have them for business reasons but I'd presume they do more posting of products than themselves.
I think my husband has posted 2 pictures of me and the kids, no more. Be... (read in full...)
I am declining to go to a wedding. What is an appropriate response if asked why I can't attend
Q. I have a "friend" that I known my whole life because our dads work for the same company. We went to the same high school and hung out often. As an adult, I can't stand him. He always wants to go places but wants other people to pick up his tab....
A. 17 March 2021: I doubt he will call to see why you can't attend. If he does I would tell him you have a prior engagement and there is no further need to elaborate.
You DO NOT owe an acquaintance an explanation.
I would also send them congratulations ... (read in full...)
My fiance wants too much oral sex
Q. My fiance want too much oral sex. I was just getting use to giving head and then last night he actually tried f****** me in the mouth. Holding my head while he was on his knees. I was not use to this so he hollers at me for doing it wrong. I felt ...
A. 17 March 2021: I don't understand what he means by "intercourse is cheap"? Does he mean that it's meaningless? And thus gives him the "right" to treat you like some blow-up sex doll?
I don't think he will change but I am glad you are talking to a therapis... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend said that he does not know what will become of us. What does this mean?
Q. Hi everyone. I am in need of some advice on how to move forward in my situation. I have been with my partner for 9 years. We split up two months ago because over the past year we have been in lockdown together (both working from home) and over t...
A. 15 March 2021: Yep 100% with Code Warrior.
FOCUS on your own growth right now. And I agree you can't blame Covid for all the issues cropping up. Some of them were there before you two just didn't pay attention to them. I bet you they weren't new.
I say t... (read in full...)
Why would my new boyfriend still be talking to his old girlfriend?
Q. Hey y'all. My boyfriend of 6 weeks and I have run into some interference from his ex girlfriend of 8 years. He moved to my country and we started dating after he broke up with her. She was not in touch with him at all during those 6 weeks and then ...
A. 15 March 2021: 1. It's not appropriate to snoop, and after ONLY 6 weeks?, talk about the invasion of privacy!
2. Since you did, you now know he IS NOT over his ex. So stop wasting your time with him/on him.
3. He didn't mention you because you have ONLY da... (read in full...)
My husband is stress eating. I think he's depressed. How can I help him?
Q. Since we got married 18 months ago, my partner has grown fat and slightly unattractive, but not lazy (if anything, he's a bit too obsessive over DIY and other things). He'll sit and eat 24 packets of potato chips in one go; yes, 2 packets of 12 cr...
A. 14 March 2021: Maybe start by taking some nice long walks? If he isn't working he can get off his ass and work out.
Exercise can definitely boost the mood of a person. Whereas just sitting doesn't do anything.
Could he be depressed? Yes, it sounds like it. ... (read in full...)
How do I elp my mom who is contemplating divorce from a cheating husband and also enrich my dating life?
Q. I've just learnt that my dad has cheated on my mum with six different women and three different men over the past 20 years after I saw a family friend, Jane, recently. She told me that Dad expected her to keep it secret (this woman was a co-w...
A. 14 March 2021: Your mom should consider talking to a divorce lawyer. But I think she needs to do it without telling your dad, as he doesn't seem like a safe person.
Then she needs to gather ALL her important legal documents and keep them in a safe place (such as... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend is lying to me again she has a history of doing so
Q. Can anyone help me with the math here because i think i'm being lied too by the woman i'm currently seeing. She text me good morning at 08.00, then another text at 08.57 asking how day was going. At 09.36 she text and said she was having bre...
A. 14 March 2021: Did she say she was at HOME to eat breakfast?
Also, why the minutia of her day? Do you need a daily itinerary to check up on her and hopefully catch her in some lie?
I think you need to chill.
If you don't trust her, you need to work on that... (read in full...)
If there was a reality show where people in an affair had to live with one another, what would be the biggest challenges they'd face?
Q. More of a philosophical question/hypothetical but, if there was a reality show where people in an affair had to live with one another, what would be the biggest challenges they'd face? Thankfully, I'm not intending on having an affair myself, n...
A. 13 March 2021: 1. trust.
2. Living with the reality of their own actions. they should GET to watch how the wife (or husband) and kids HAVE to deal with this betrayal. Can you imagine having to watch the wife of the man you were having an affair with getting ... (read in full...)
My wife suddenly wants an open marriage and wants me to date her friend but she doesn't want anyone else
Q. My wife Katherine wants us to have an open marriage and her reasoning for it is "most guys want another woman on the side and you'll probably have one anyway; I don't want another man on the side at all, you're the only man for me." She wants me t...
A. 13 March 2021: She has decided that ALL men will eventually cheat (including you) and with this "arrangement" she has at least the "control" of picking the woman you "can" sleep with.
OR is this about sex?
How is your sex-life? If I may ask? Is this more abo... (read in full...)
Should I tell his wife? I found out I was dating a married man
Q. I dated this guy who has a 13-year-old daughter for the past 18 months, he told me he was separated, thought nothing of it; his daughter likes me. Then I later find out a week ago he's still legally married to his wife; his wife's a nurse and she ...
A. 13 March 2021: Should you tell the wife?
They COULD be separated. Or maybe he is taking HER living elsewhere (for work) like that. The fact that the teenage daughter seems OK with this makes me think that they ARE/WERE separated. It seems rather scummy that he ... (read in full...)
Should I report my housemate to his employers?
Q. Okay everyone I know I’m being bitter but I’m just really pissed off at my housemate. Throughout this pandemic we’ve worked from home, but the thing is, he doesn’t actually do any work. He will tend to his emails in the morning for around 10 minutes ...
A. 13 March 2021: Are you the tattle-tale police?
Also, how do you know that YOU are doing his work? If you are, can you sign it? So they know who did it? Do you have the same boss? If so I'd bring up that you have noticed an increased workload. I DO think you shou... (read in full...)
I'm 44 he's 25. He wants to meet in real life. Thoughts??
Q. I'm 44 and he's 25.....we met on fb this past summer after he sent me a request:) My initial impression of him was that he was a good looking guy but a bit insecure and perhaps a bit full of himself( bc of al the selfies and muscle pics on h...
A. 12 March 2021: Fully agree with Code Warrior.
His MOMMY contacted you and chastised you. Seriously? And when you told him that you are rethinking this "thing" he got mad and blamed everything on you. THAT should tell you just how "mature" he is. Or rather i... (read in full...)
S it wrong that I sometimes get jealous, bitter and resentful towards teen couples and early 20s couples, couples in their 20s? because I was single for most of those years
Q. I was single for all of my teens and most of my 20s, i didn't really start dating until i was 29, i lost my virginity at 25, it was a fling, casual sex, so no emotional connection, but my sex life has been non-existant for most of my life, just a ...
A. 11 March 2021: If you can't follow Code Warrior's advice on HOW to STOP doing what you are doing, maybe get to CBT (cognitive behavioral) therapy so you can MOVE forward.
My thoughts on regrets are this. It's OK to regret not doing (or doing) something, but at s... (read in full...)
My wife just told me that she now wants to be my husband and I don't know how to deal with this
Q. I'm an American expat living with my wife and 4-year-old son; we live in Paris. I moved for work here via my employer, in 2014. My American employer has a small base in France with 80 employees, around 75% American. Anyway, last night, my wi...
A. 11 March 2021: Focus on what you CAN do.
That being, taking care of your son and support your wife the best you can. You can't change how HE feels but you can take time to decide if you can/want to stay married.
I don't think you are under ANY obligations ... (read in full...)
MMF With wife to explore Bi side
Q. Married for 8 years with 2 kids. Wife comes from a conservative background and did not have much sexual experience when we met. Neither did I but I had more than her. We have both grown sexually together and have what I would define as a good sex ...
A. 10 March 2021: READ these:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/lifestyle-swinging-destroying-my-marriage.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/swinging-has-turned-into-more-for-me-ive.html
THAT is a little preview....
There are thousands of posts ... (read in full...)
My husband has been receiving weird things in the mail. We don't know why or what to do about it
Q. I've had to change names in this for anonymity reasons. My husband is worried about opening the mail after receiving mail addressed to him that he didn't order; not one, but three. He received a package last Monday; he was expecting it...
A. 10 March 2021: Check your credit card statements and a full bank statement. For BOTH of you.
That way you can see if the money was taken out of your finances.
If HE didn't PAY for this, then someone has his personal information. If the package had HIS ... (read in full...)
How do I help my daughter with her ex making accusations?
Q. I have a 17-year-old daughter, Kaitlyn, and she told me some quite disturbing news the other day. I've never had any real issue with Kaitlyn being a lesbian; Kaitlyn told me that it's who she is, but she hates the politicization of LGBT issues. ...
A. 10 March 2021: I'd contact a lawyer first.
Secondly, I'd print out ALL "Lauren's" allegations so you have something to GIVE said lawyer and perhaps later the Police.
The other girl is basically smearing your daughter's reputation and calling her a rapist (th... (read in full...)
MMF With wife to explore Bi side
Q. Married for 8 years with 2 kids. Wife comes from a conservative background and did not have much sexual experience when we met. Neither did I but I had more than her. We have both grown sexually together and have what I would define as a good sex ...
A. 10 March 2021: Yet another how can I have sex with someone other than my partner and get away with it, question.
If you want to totally FUCK over your marriage then ask her.
She WILL NOT look at you the same ever again. She will lose respect for you, and the... (read in full...)
My husband wants to quit his job as a university professor to work at McDonalds
Q. We've been in Australia for 7 years now, and my husband works as a professor in a local university. He told me three days ago he wants to quit his job so he doesn't have to work from home, and would prefer to work at the local McDonald's as "a...
A. 9 March 2021: I know of 3 very good high school teachers who have decided to "retire" early and start another career. One has been a teacher for almost 25 years. She is just done with the politics, the BS, and the lack of teaching kids critical thinking.
Now s... (read in full...)
Lifestyle/swinging destroying my marriage
Q. I need advice. I’m trying to decide whether my marriage is worth saving. I’ve been married for 12 years. Several years ago my husband approached me about experimenting with swinging. I said that I wasn’t comfortable with sex with others. He ...
A. 9 March 2021: Your marriage died when he didn't ACCEPT and RESPECT your no.
BUt you actively participate and then complain AFTERWARDS, that is cowardice in my book. Say no, and frigging mean it OP.
You didn't have to have sex with the man in your own house. ... (read in full...)
I don't love my live in boyfriend anymore but I can't get him to leave
Q. Hey everyone. Hoping someone can give me some advice in regards to my relationship. I'm a 32 year old woman and my boyfriend is the same age. We've been together coming up 5 years. Our relationship was on and off at the beginning. He would b...
A. 9 March 2021: Call Citizen's Advice and ask how you evict a person from your house.
Then DO that. Serve him with papers, if he won't leave call the Police.
Or send him to the store for something, change the locks while he is out, pack his shit and leave i... (read in full...)
My husband is leaving the country with our daughter for a woman he's been having an online affair with for 6 months
Q. I've changed names for anonymity. I'm married with an 11-year-old daughter, Sarah, and my life's generally been good. Now I'm questioning about staying married to my husband after his confession on Saturday about an affair. A typical af...
A. 8 March 2021: Yep |I'm with Ciar.
TALK to a solicitor ASAP. He can't "just" take your shared daughter and move. Just no. He doesn't have a Visa or a job there so really... logically HE CANNOT provide for his daughter in the US.
It sounds like a fantasy t... (read in full...)
I left my ex girlfriend during the pandemic because I felt suffocated but now I realize I made a mistake. Should I contact her or leave her alone? Title
Q. Hi. I am a guy who made a real dumb ass mistake. I left my beautiful girlfriend about 6 weeks ago. We had an argument about my being inattentive towards her. And she was right. I was taking her for granted. I was not treating her right and got angry ...
A. 7 March 2021: Amen to ALL that Code Warrior said.
YOU need to take responsibility for YOUR choices, words, and actions.
"Covid made me do it!" is a bullshite excuse.
Grow up, stop being a selfish disk.
You write about the woman you USED after the bre... (read in full...)
My husband has changed and I don't feel like I'm getting what I deserve
Q. I have been married for 7 years and together off and on (prior to getting married) for approximately 4 years. When we just got together, my husband was a very sweet guy. He made me smile and made me feel special. We took a break for a couple of ...
A. 7 March 2021: I think you are involving your son WAY too much in the issues with your husband.
He shouldn't be your "little white knight" or tell you this or that about daddy. |Nor should you point out to your husband what your kid tells you. You NEED to tell ... (read in full...)
How do I make my husband feel manly when he has to wear a sports bra for medical reasons?
Q. My husband does not want sex with me, but his reason is nothing to do with cheating or anything like that. He told me he's embarrassed because he's been prescribed a sports bra for a hiking injury and has to wear it for a few weeks, and he th...
A. 7 March 2021: I'd VERBALIZE that you don't find him less sexy because he has to wear the "sports bra" - that you see it as if were a cast or a sling (like you would get for a broken arm, leg).
His doctor didn't suggest a sports bra to emasculate him. However,... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is jealous of my deceased husband. I can't take the stress
Q. I really need help and advice. My bf ( partner ) and me are almost 6 years together already. I am widow and he is divorced. His ex wife cheated on him with another man. He dont wanna get married anymore because of his divorce he lost a lots, "money ...
A. 7 March 2021: Let him go, OP
It's not worth the stress and health risk for you to continue to see him.
He doesn't trust you because his EX cheated. Which means he now paints ALL women as he does his ex. You are "all the same" in his head. YOU can't change... (read in full...)
I'm a teacher. How do I cope with young boys coming on to me and wanting to have sex?
Q. I am a teacher. Have been in this profession for over 42 years. I am bisexual and do like young boys. For the last 8 years or so I am frequently being importuned by my students to have sex with them. Earlier it used to be older boys asking me, boys ...
A. 6 March 2021: You keep doing what you have been doing all those years. Keep it in your pants.
Tell a kid NO, I'm here to teach you (insert subject) not about sex.
If you find it progressively harder to "resist" then maybe it's time to retire and not BE aroun... (read in full...)
Would a straight man say he has thought about sex with men?
Q. Hi. My boyfriend and I had a long talk the other day. It was about fantasies, sexual preferences and where your boundaries are. I asked him if he would ever have sex with a man. He replied he has thought about it but decided against it. I as...
A. 6 March 2021: Should you worry?
I don't think so. MANY people are curious but never try it. Be that sex with same-sex, drugs, bungee jumping, skydiving, etc.
Many straight people never consider it, at all. Some don't consider it until they are asked. Doesn... (read in full...)
How can I move forward in this relationship if she keeps talking about her past?
Q. Im 27years old and never been in a serious relationship and the women i have dated have always had mental health problems or low self esteem.Anyway during this pandemic I met this woman online, she is 25 years old...we connected 2 months ago....we ...
A. 6 March 2021: I think she is all wrong for you, OP
If you can not understand that being pregnant, giving birth means she IS a mother (even if she gave up the child for adoption) and that it was a MAJOR event in her life. She had a child at 23. While it's not... (read in full...)
He's lied to me repeatedly. How do I trust him?
Q. I come from a strict but very loving Indian family. I ended up in a relationship with a white male during lockdown 2020. So since June 2020 (had spoke online for months prior) we had been communicating. August 2020, he opened he had lied to me ...
A. 6 March 2021: If you can't see him as a potential husband anymore why waste your time on him? Even if he is nice and all, HE isn't what you are looking for.
He has lied about things that don't matter in the bigger picture, if he would lie about that... what els... (read in full...)
Do I leave a 10 year relationship? Or settle for her?
Q. Hello all. This post is as much venting as asking for others input. The sad truth is that I have nobody to talk to. So sorry if it is long. The big life question I have is: break up with my girlfriend, or settle for her. It is more than just...
A. 6 March 2021: Glad to hear you found what was right for you and took a big leap into the unknown! Even better, it seems you are doing good!
As for the dating, I can't help. Been married for 20+ years myself and from all that I hear is that the dating is very ... (read in full...)
I really want my own place I avoid my room mates but wonder if its worth the money to get my own place
Q. Hi Cupid’s: I want a bit of advice about my living situation please! I moved for work for just over a year now and moved just before the pandemic! Typical! I moved in with some fab people, all creative and it’s a 6 bed I’m getting to the ...
A. 5 March 2021: Maybe look for something you only share with 1 other person? Or 2? Where you can get a bigger room?
And listen, OP
If you pay rent (and you do) you can use the kitchen just like anyone else. You are NO more "in the way" than they are. OK?
... (read in full...)
How do you guys deal with partners complaining about weight.
Q. How do you guys deal with partners complaining about weight. Like I’m getting so fed up. I personally have been getting anxiety as I have not been able to hit my goals due to lockdown. So I spent some money and purchased some equipment. It’s ...
A. 5 March 2021: So next time she moans about her weight - ask her:" SO what are you going to do about it?"
I'd tell her the ONLY one who can change her body is HER.
... (read in full...)
My husband is obsessive about the idea of us having a threesome with his friend
Q. I've been married for 4 years now. My husband is obsessive about the idea of us having a threesome with his friend. He keeps telling me how good the threesome would be, but there's two factors that put me off it: First of all, the guy's 6...
A. 5 March 2021: Just tell him ONCE and for all, this is not going to happen, I'm not interested and if you keep asking you can pack your bags. I'm not your personal porn star. I don't want sex with other men. I get that you think it's a "got" thing to do but it's ... (read in full...)
I don't feel loved anymore and I'm always worried that he's cheating
Q. I don't think my partner actually wants me anymore. I am someone who enjoys cuddles, and kisses and wee bits of affection. My partner never does that unless he wants sex. Even sitting watching a movie together and I will want a cuddle ect and he...
A. 5 March 2021: You don't write how long you have been together, so all we can do is guess a lot.
1. he might be "past" the honeymoon touchy-feely stage or he might not be very touchy-feely, to begin with.
2. when did this change? If he USED to be a tactile ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend share pictures of me on social media?
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend since summer 19 And he is the greatest thing that ever happened to me he’s always there for me emotionally shows me love and affection, spoils me, and is my best friend. I lost my mom to cancer in October and he has never ...
A. 4 March 2021: You have a great relationship, you say. Yet you are looking for FAULTS in your BF.
The one you could find was that he doesn't post pictures of you on his social media, FOR REAL? That is your issue?
You even wrote: "it's the most minuscule t... (read in full...)
Why is he being so overly dramatic? Is this a manipulation of some sort?
Q. I have recently started seeing a guy. Both of us have been through a divorce approximately 10 years ago for each of us. I am taking things very slowly with him, but he has said several times, "Don't break my heart. Promise me you won't break my ...
A. 3 March 2021: It is a form of manipulation.
He is doing the "wounded bird" approach. That someone in the past has hurt him and now YOU must be his savior and never do wrong and never hurt him.
You can't MAKE that promise. He can't make that promise. No one ... (read in full...)
I respect my boyfriend's need for space but my anxiety gets the better of me
Q. I've been with my boyfriend a couple of years. We've lived together for half of that and have a dog that we both love. I've always struggled with insecurity and anxiety and have been let down a lot, which I'm getting counselling for but the one thin...
A. 3 March 2021: So did you move in with him?
Is that why YOU get "banished" after an argument?
I can totally see why you feel you get punished. I would feel the same way, and I'm the kind of person who needs a bit of "head-space".
Long term, I don't th... (read in full...)
My fiance wants too much oral sex
Q. My fiance want too much oral sex. I was just getting use to giving head and then last night he actually tried f****** me in the mouth. Holding my head while he was on his knees. I was not use to this so he hollers at me for doing it wrong. I felt ...
A. 1 March 2021: OK, TELL him just that! That it felt like a "mouth rape". That you didn't enjoy it and you don't want anything like that in the future.
I think your fiance has been watching too much porn, to be honest.
If you can HAVE sex, you can TALK about s... (read in full...)
I'm 44 he's 25. He wants to meet in real life. Thoughts??
Q. I'm 44 and he's 25.....we met on fb this past summer after he sent me a request:) My initial impression of him was that he was a good looking guy but a bit insecure and perhaps a bit full of himself( bc of al the selfies and muscle pics on h...
A. 12 November 2020: I agree with Code Warrior.
Do you really see this going to turn into anything worth your while? If you are honest?
You are 19 years his senior, which mean you probably have a whole different outlook on life, more life experiences, rel... (read in full...)
Do I leave a 10 year relationship? Or settle for her?
Q. Hello all. This post is as much venting as asking for others input. The sad truth is that I have nobody to talk to. So sorry if it is long. The big life question I have is: break up with my girlfriend, or settle for her. It is more than just...
A. 26 August 2019: Thank you for your update and I totally understand that YOUR safety is priority. While locations would perhaps give some clarity it's not worth YOU feeling unsafe here.
Have you considered that if you move out and live on your own you might ha... (read in full...)
Do I leave a 10 year relationship? Or settle for her?
Q. Hello all. This post is as much venting as asking for others input. The sad truth is that I have nobody to talk to. So sorry if it is long. The big life question I have is: break up with my girlfriend, or settle for her. It is more than just...
A. 21 August 2019: No one have an EASY solution, OP
Could you perhaps add your country of origin and where you live now? Would that be safe for you?
Because YES, as someone who has ALSO moved around different countries I know it's not easy, but I might also have ... (read in full...)
Do I leave a 10 year relationship? Or settle for her?
Q. Hello all. This post is as much venting as asking for others input. The sad truth is that I have nobody to talk to. So sorry if it is long. The big life question I have is: break up with my girlfriend, or settle for her. It is more than just...
A. 19 August 2019: If I were you I'd start saving up to leave her.
I think it would be a mistakes to stay. You might need therapy, but in your case you are a "hostage" with nowhere to go and place to call home. You NEED to accept that YOU deserve better than thi... (read in full...)
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