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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Do you think I can rekindle a friendship after three years?
Q. Can you rekindle old friendships that died at your own hand years ago? The reason I'm asking is because 3 years ago I was part of a group of tight knit friends but after a severe falling out with one of them, they abandoned me. I'm not blameles...
A. 7 April 2011: Glad to hear the positive developments,and best of luck for this upcoming meet up !... (read in full...)
Friends with benefits question.....
Q. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I had to break up (my family forced it) So now we are just hanging out as friends. But the other day it turned into more (oral) and we've become friends with benefits. We've also sexted a few times. I still ...
A. 1 April 2011: He does not like keeping secrets... so I take it that your FWB arrangement is /was public knowledge ?
No ? So, he cannot date secretly, but he can have a tryst secretly.
Faulty logic here - proceed with caution.... (read in full...)
I'm going to what people call "party land" ..should I be worrying so much?
Q. I know this website is to do with relationships, but i really want some advice! I'm going on holiday with few my best friends this year to the place everyone calls "Party land". It's just tanning and playing on the beach during the day and partying ...
A. 1 April 2011: A girlie vacation, uh ? :) I think you' ve got more to worry about your feisty friends than about any of the locals- or the males in general.
Some years ago I went to Ibiza with my husband ( we went there for the sea, not for the clubs ). In our ... (read in full...)
Why is this guy treating my daughter this way?
Q. This is a question about my daughter. She is 19, attractive, bubbly, fun loving, normal 19 year old. Likes to be out with her friends and doing her own thing has had 2 lovely boyfriends. She is currently with a guy who is older than her, 7 year to ...
A. 1 April 2011: I answered your daughter yesterday.
I think the problem is she thinks this situation is all because of the older woman and it sounded like she even sort of suspects the bf of being sexually involved with the older woman ( which, I can't even... (read in full...)
What is the problem? why does my boyfriend object? I put a pleasant picture of us together, on facebook.
Q. okay so i put a picture of my boyfriend and i together on facebook nothing bad or unapropriate just a casual picture. then he got mad so i took it off he said the next time i put a picture of him on facebook, to ask him first. so i put the picture ...
A. 1 April 2011: That's a favourite hang up of mine too.
Last summer I went to a picnic with friends, they took pics and the day after they put the pics on Facebook. I was annoyed, and they were surprised I was annoyed , because it had surely being nothing inde... (read in full...)
Is it not normal for a girl to masturbate?
Q. Before you say anything, yes i'm quite aware that i'm a girl, but i mean, from what people say (not online or anything, like in 'reality') it seems as thought girls don't. But i do... At least once a week, usually once a day... But fro...
A. 1 April 2011: LOL ! A recent medical study ( 2009 ) says that 91% of women masturbates . They are just a bit less vocal about it than males.
Age of the first masturbation experience is in average 13.
Girls from 13 to 17 masturbate in average same like boy... (read in full...)
Friends with benefits question.....
Q. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I had to break up (my family forced it) So now we are just hanging out as friends. But the other day it turned into more (oral) and we've become friends with benefits. We've also sexted a few times. I still ...
A. 1 April 2011: What's happening ? Collateral effect of FWB. Sex with no frills no fantasy and no intimacy.
Now he does not have to "put you in the mood" or to build up naughty anticipation. The flirting and seduction game IS part of a relationship, and a part... (read in full...)
What is a sure unmistakable sign that a guy is no longer interested in a relationship with me?
Q. I just need to know if i should move on What is a sure sign to say that a guy is not interested in you? But he makes you think that you and he have a relationship?...
A. 1 April 2011: I can think of a few right off the bat, I am sure there are more.
- Lack of planning. I don't mean like planning for your wedding or planning for a baby. Just normal stuff, like : Where are we going in vacation this summer ? Will you come to my c... (read in full...)
Guys may come and go, but my study abroad opportunity will never come again...am I overthinking this?
Q. I'm studying abroad in Europe for 4 months next fall. I haven't had the best of luck in dating, but I met an amazing guy last month whom I have a great connection with. Despite having only known one another for a month, it feels like I've known him ...
A. 1 April 2011: I don't quite get your problem, it's only 4 months ! You can date now , and do the long distance thing for 4 months.
Are you afraid that " out of sight out of love " ?- Yeah there is this risk , since you two just met and haven't become atta... (read in full...)
Is he just projecting his insecurities onto me so he can feel better about himself?
Q. A guy I was dating told me he didn't want to date me anymore because I still live at home (I'm 28) but I work full time and I pay my parents rent, and I am in school part time to be a nurse. I already have my Bachelor Degree in elementary education, ...
A. 1 April 2011: Darling, you need to take your self esteem to the repair shop and get it fixed. You suspect you could be a loser , with all your past accomplishments and future perspectives, - because a pothead drug -dealer Costo clerk says so ?? Absurd.
He is j... (read in full...)
My boyfriend who was arrested for domestic violence against me says he is changing. Can I believe him?
Q. I had my boyfriend arrested for domestic violence after he pushed me while he was drunk. We have a no contact order until his court date at the end of April. We also have a 2 year old son. Although he is not supposed to contact me or our son, he p...
A. 1 April 2011: People can change if they are really determined to change, but it does not happen overnight . And " I am changed " is very different from " I am changing ".
You also have a young child that ,I suppose, you don't want to be witness or- God forb... (read in full...)
Why do so many women hate porn?
Q. Maybe I'm opening a can of worms here, but why are so many woman so vehemently against porn? What is there about it that makes it so evil? I read so many questions from women who are disgusted by their partner's porn use. Some consider it as b...
A. 31 March 2011: Excellent answer , DB - I guess it covers it all. Except perhaps my personal objection to porn. Let me clarify right away, though, that I don't HATE porn . I don't personally like it that much, same way I dislike horror movies , soccer a... (read in full...)
I have competion with a 65 year old woman?
Q. Can someone please help me with this situation as I have never known one like it. Ive being going with a guy for the past 5 months. We live very close to each other, 5 mins away. He has never being committed to this relationship and I have often ...
A. 31 March 2011: A rather elusive answer... of course he is busy ! - if he has chosen to give any minute of his free time to his pidgeons, then he's gonna be busy for the rest of his life .
I am afraid you'll have to be a little more specific- avoiding thou... (read in full...)
We recently seperated and now she only contacts me for money!
Q. OK ladies i need your help. me and my wife had a big argument over a month ago. we recently seperated. according to her this is just temporary and she just needs time. now the only time she contacts me is for money. It's only been four days and im ...
A. 31 March 2011: I don't know how long does it take in average for a woman to clear her head, but I'd say surely more than 4 days. Particularly about a serious relationship issue. 4 days aren' t even enough to decide where you want to spend a week holiday - ... (read in full...)
My husband cheated on me several times,the girls confirm it,but I need to know how to take it from there..
Q. My husband and have been together 6 years, married for 5.We have 3 children. About 2 months ago I call him while he was out with his friends and instead of pushing end on the cell he push talk. I heard him getting it on with a girl while his 1 month ...
A. 31 March 2011: Your children don't need to have this kind of man around for a father.
He is a serial cheater. He humiliates you publicly and let his coworkers make fun of you. He HIT you !!
This marriage cannot be saved ; it's over. You do not need to know all... (read in full...)
Is he ashamed of being with me?
Q. There's this guy that I like and he said that he also likes me but to me it seems that he only wants to have sex. He's a truthful and straight forward person so I don't really doubt his words so much. I have a feeling that he's ashame of me or some ...
A. 31 March 2011: Red flag. Any guy who is really into you can't wait to flaunt you around and is proud to be seen with you.
Perhaps you could ask him to explain you WHY you are supposed to be a secret, but, at your age, I wouldn't even bother. Next !... (read in full...)
I have competion with a 65 year old woman?
Q. Can someone please help me with this situation as I have never known one like it. Ive being going with a guy for the past 5 months. We live very close to each other, 5 mins away. He has never being committed to this relationship and I have often ...
A. 31 March 2011: You are not in competition with a 65 years old lady- you are in competition with his passion for pidgeons .
When you share a specific interest with somebody, that in time creates a bond of complicity, of closeness, of mutual ease that goes beyo... (read in full...)
Should I be jealous if my girl sits in my friends lap (innocently)?
Q. Hello Everyone. I have been dating this girl for about a year and a half and so far we haven't really fought over anything major, at least rarely. Recently, after saying I would stop being jealous over stupid stuff, might have been a bad idea, she ...
A. 31 March 2011: No, it's not Ok if the girls do not mean anything. For a simple, practical reason- the guy can have an erection , as an involuntary authomatic reflex . I know because it happened to me , in very innocent circumstances ( rehearsing a play ). Not ... (read in full...)
Guys may come and go, but my study abroad opportunity will never come again...am I overthinking this?
Q. I'm studying abroad in Europe for 4 months next fall. I haven't had the best of luck in dating, but I met an amazing guy last month whom I have a great connection with. Despite having only known one another for a month, it feels like I've known him ...
A. 31 March 2011: Yes, you are way overthinking it. Would you really pass up the dream of your life, for a guy that you met a month ago ?! And it's only 4 months anyway. If you can't keep it going during just 4 months apart, then it was not meant to be.
Of cour... (read in full...)
He broke up with me because he didnt want his child to get attached to me and vice verca
Q. Im a 18 yo mum to a 10month little girl, and i was seeing a 52yo man with a 12yo son...things were going absolutly fine the four of us got along really well and we were doing things that normal familys do untill about 6months into the relationship ...
A. 31 March 2011: The age thing was not a problem ... for about 6 months.
Then it must have begun being a problem. Meaning, that if he does not want you get attached to each other kids, it's because he can't see your relationship becoming serious and you all livi... (read in full...)
I'm sending him this breakup note. Am I doing the right thing?
Q. I need some external advice because i am a mess and i do not want to do anything i regret later. I used to go out with this guy and we were really in love. Then he just pulled back and we decided to stay friends. The problem is even that he liv...
A. 30 March 2011: In fact , it would be way smarter to just disappear, even if requires more self control and denies you the opportunity to vent. Why ? Because he does not care to know what your feelings are and knowing them would leave him as indiffer... (read in full...)
15 weeks pregnant and very obvious baby bump?
Q. I am 15 weeks pregnant and already seem to have a very obvious baby bump, is this normal? ...
A. 30 March 2011: Sure . You don't only have a baby in there but also placenta and amniotic liquid, plus your body tissues retain a lot of water ( around 4.5 or 5 Kg. by the end of the pregnancy ! ) ... (read in full...)
The family is noticing the sexual relationship developing between me and my husband's young brother.
Q. Heloo everybody, I have requested same question before. got rejected for lack of information. now i think i will keep more information. Please help me. I have relationship with my husbands youngest brother. he is 20 yrs old. we are very friendly...
A. 30 March 2011: Painful why ?
Whom do you love, your husband or your brother in law ??... (read in full...)
Friend said rather insulting comment to me, what should I do?
Q. First of all thanks to couple of people who replied to my problem yesterday. (boyfriend looking at other women) I was talking to a male friend about my problem with my boyfriend, and my male friend who is 64 years old turned around and said ...
A. 30 March 2011: Well,maybe your self esteem was not that solid to begin with if you can be so upset by a casual comment.
Mind you, I agree that your friend has been unchivalrous and clumsy. I am of the school of thought that a guy should comment on a woman's look... (read in full...)
Am I addicted to masturbating? Will this cause problems for my health? And will it reduce my sexual desire?
Q. i want to know if a can masturbation habit reduce sexual desire in males? i am 27 virgin but i masturbate almost daily from age of 14 with watching pornography, but watching porns is voyeurism (peeping tom), which is one of the type of sexual ...
A. 30 March 2011: - I am not a physician so you may want to check with one, but in all my life I have never heard or read that masturbation can make a penis's size decrease ! It's not a bar of sopa, that get consumed by frequent handling !
- You have ALREADY deve... (read in full...)
Should I bother with the guy of my dreams, even if I know he's a jerk?
Q. I know this is really really long, if you ever even end up reading it, but I literally just spent 3 hours reading your column and I think you're absolutely brilliant and would love your advice. You don't even have to post it, just a reply would mean ...
A. 30 March 2011: Long post short answer :
if you have not enough common sense and maturity yet to cross of your circle of friends someone who has a serious drug problem, and on top of that is also a promiscuous jerk, you are not ready to live on your own in a bi... (read in full...)
40 year age gap, is it worth the envitable heartache?
Q. Hi, I'm 27 and dating a man who is 68. We have been together almost a year and some of our friends and family know but I do often question my sanity for dating someone so much older. Before starting this relationship I had a few longer ones with men ...
A. 30 March 2011: Maybe it's just my impression, but I feel like you have very low expectations .
You sound pleased and sort of happily surprised that "you get on very well and rarely argue " and " you have fun together ".
Cool, but that's like the bare minimum ... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he called me yet?
Q. So I met this guy last weekend through friends at a bar. The next day my friend said he asked for my number and thought I was cute. ok, great, so I passed on my number on sunday. He then requested to be my friend on facebook yesterday and sent me ...
A. 30 March 2011: Because certain things are a sort of code or shorthand for something else.
" Let's do lunch one of these days " " We should hang out soon ". Etc.
The only way that means a real interest would be with a time qualifier. " Let's do lunch one of these... (read in full...)
He used to give me all his attention but now he's breaking my heart.... how should I react to this?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years now and it seems like he isn't bothered about me anymore even though he says he loves me. It's always me that has to make the effort to go out (he always says he has no money but then will go out ...
A. 30 March 2011: CaringGuy is right about the uncanny hold and power that words have over women ( and some men too )
Half of the posts on Dear Cupid start with :He says that...
He says . But, do you necessarily have to believe him regardless of opposing evidence... (read in full...)
Guys: at what point in a realtionship can an audible fart be forgiven?
Q. This is a pretty silly question, but at least it's light and funny and fairly easy to answer. Guys, I have noticed, have no problem running around with all of their bodily functions flailing in the breeze. Many ladies are not quite so comfort...
A. 29 March 2011: Guys I don't know what to say - if all you people are clamoring for freedom to fart - then I welcome a steel fisted dictatorship. I can't believe what I am reading, and in case you think I am some stuck up snob, I want to precise that I am an ... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity to my friends with benefits guy?
Q. Long story short i have a Friend with Benefits we have met before, but we Haven't yet met up for 'sexual favours' and I know that he just wants me for sex and sh*t, but that's all I looking for anyways but I'm a virgin (he knows this) ...
A. 29 March 2011: Like you say, 14 or 15 does not make a difference, in terms of life experience.
Yet, if you were 24 or 25 I'd tell you the same : don't waste your first time on an FWB. ... (read in full...)
Will my shorter penis please her as much as a longer one?
Q. Hi, been lurking here, and have seen all the questions on penis size. I know these get asked a thousand times, but I have another one, sorry. I have never been insecure about my size before, but I am with a girl who was with a guy much, much ...
A. 29 March 2011: I agree with the anon male reader who says " bigger is better " is a culturally influenced perception, which varies according to times and locations.
Does anybody have in mind the David statue by Michelangelo ? The one in Florence ? It's worl... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity to my friends with benefits guy?
Q. Long story short i have a Friend with Benefits we have met before, but we Haven't yet met up for 'sexual favours' and I know that he just wants me for sex and sh*t, but that's all I looking for anyways but I'm a virgin (he knows this) ...
A. 29 March 2011: I totally concur with k c100- the first time should not be with a FWB. You'd be shortchanging yourself.
As for you not being good at relationships...... sorry ,but my comment can only be :
hehehe.
At 14. You have decided " you are not good at ... (read in full...)
He doesn't deserve my trust or faith but is love worth the gamble?
Q. This is a bit long because I feel like I should explain everything. I met this guy randomly on a night out. I was feeling a bit down cos my little sister had recently moved in with her boyfriend leaving me the only one in the family single (e...
A. 29 March 2011: I understand that this must be a very painful situation for you yet I can't help noticing how, more often than not, the victim is willingly conniving with the hangman.
I mean, you thought acceptable or justifiable carrying on your relationship even... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity to my friends with benefits guy?
Q. Long story short i have a Friend with Benefits we have met before, but we Haven't yet met up for 'sexual favours' and I know that he just wants me for sex and sh*t, but that's all I looking for anyways but I'm a virgin (he knows this) ...
A. 29 March 2011: No, don't throw away your first time with someone who does not give a shit about you, your psychological comfort or your physical satisfaction.
That may give you a spoiled perspective about sex for the rest of your life. Don't let the scra... (read in full...)
Guys: at what point in a realtionship can an audible fart be forgiven?
Q. This is a pretty silly question, but at least it's light and funny and fairly easy to answer. Guys, I have noticed, have no problem running around with all of their bodily functions flailing in the breeze. Many ladies are not quite so comfort...
A. 29 March 2011: I hope you are kidding. Please tell me you are kidding ?...
Luckily my experience is different- not only of when I was your age which happened a couple of centuries ago, but even now in our days. Neither my 21 y.o. son nor his friends nor my teen... (read in full...)
How do you know if you are ready to have sex?
Q. Ok so I'm 14 years old. I have had a boyfriend now for almost 6 months. He is truly amazing! I love him with all my heart and I would do anything fo him. :) The thing is that I'm a virgin however he is not. He has had sex 3 times with the same ...
A. 29 March 2011: This will sound cliche' but it's the truth : if you have to wonder whether you are ready for sex or not- then you are surely NOT ready.
When you are ready, you just know it, without doubts- wild horses could not drag you away. And the idea of phys... (read in full...)
Married 4 years and we have never had sex
Q. i have been married for four years but have not had intercourse with my husband. he is little shy n in the beginning never took an initiative but he masturbates on regular basis. he even refuses to see a doctor. with much pressure from my end we ...
A. 29 March 2011: I wonder if yours was an arranged marriage - since I know that's not unusual in your country. In this case, the explanation could be simply that he is not attracted to you. You could be, and I am sure you are, a beautiful woman, but if he did not ... (read in full...)
I like him, he's not into his g/f, but I'm afraid of being labelled a 'man-stealer'
Q. My friends boyfriend has never shown a big interest in me besides little signs that always make me think he sort of liked me. And my friend has been dating this kid for not a long time and he even admitted to me that he isn't feeling it with her. ...
A. 29 March 2011: Maybe if he is such a sweet kid that does not like to hurt people's feelings... he did not have the heart to disappoint you and tell you that he is not so much into you.
Regardless. Until the moment he leaves his current g/f , his " I like you ... (read in full...)
We have an open relationship. How can I become number one with him?
Q. there's this guy i met and sparks flew instantly we went out two times as friends and delayed our third ( and romantic ) date due to both of us being usually busy the thing is between that time he returned with his ex girlfriend ( open relationship) ...
A. 29 March 2011: Saying you want to do something and actually doing it are often very different things. Make sure he gets rid of all his harem before assuming your relationship will go anywhere.... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to get engaged so soon?
Q. So heres the issue...my girlfriend and I have been daring for 2 years and have been engaged for about a year...thing is she wants to get married pronto, and I just want to chill out and be engaged for like another year...was I wrong to get engaged ...
A. 28 March 2011: I can see your point, and anyway one more year won't kill anybody. But... I can see her point too : generally, you are supposed FIRST making sure you work well as a couple and getting rid of any doubts about marriage, THEN proposing. Otherwise, ... (read in full...)
Do you think I can rekindle a friendship after three years?
Q. Can you rekindle old friendships that died at your own hand years ago? The reason I'm asking is because 3 years ago I was part of a group of tight knit friends but after a severe falling out with one of them, they abandoned me. I'm not blameles...
A. 28 March 2011: Sure, why not ? I suppose that, at your age, 3 years sound like a heck of a lot of time.... but it's not. You don't even need to make a song and a dance about it or to reshash in painstaking details who did what to whom and why. Just contact ... (read in full...)
The family is noticing the sexual relationship developing between me and my husband's young brother.
Q. Heloo everybody, I have requested same question before. got rejected for lack of information. now i think i will keep more information. Please help me. I have relationship with my husbands youngest brother. he is 20 yrs old. we are very friendly...
A. 28 March 2011: If it were a harmless ticklish play, why would you have kept it hidden from your husband and family ?... (read in full...)
15 weeks pregnant and very obvious baby bump?
Q. I am 15 weeks pregnant and already seem to have a very obvious baby bump, is this normal? ...
A. 28 March 2011: Yes. Many women start showing around or after the 16th week , but it's a very individual thing, a couple weeks sooner is normal too. ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to get engaged so soon?
Q. So heres the issue...my girlfriend and I have been daring for 2 years and have been engaged for about a year...thing is she wants to get married pronto, and I just want to chill out and be engaged for like another year...was I wrong to get engaged ...
A. 28 March 2011: Well, yes, if you go by etiquette and tradition. The idea would be that getting officially engaged is showing your committment not only to her but to the the world at large. Like : I mean business- I said I am gonna marry her AND I am doing ... (read in full...)
We have an open relationship. How can I become number one with him?
Q. there's this guy i met and sparks flew instantly we went out two times as friends and delayed our third ( and romantic ) date due to both of us being usually busy the thing is between that time he returned with his ex girlfriend ( open relationship) ...
A. 27 March 2011: You may be the one he needs, but he is surely NOT the one you need . An official gf, plus two FWBS, ..a really overcrowded situation , that says a lot about his attitude towards relationships and women. What's so attractive in a guy that can spread ... (read in full...)
The family is noticing the sexual relationship developing between me and my husband's young brother.
Q. Heloo everybody, I have requested same question before. got rejected for lack of information. now i think i will keep more information. Please help me. I have relationship with my husbands youngest brother. he is 20 yrs old. we are very friendly...
A. 27 March 2011: There is nothing wrong with being very friendly with a brother in law, but friendliness has got nothing to do with performing sexual acts on him, or let him perform sexual acts in front of you ! That's not being friendly, that's crossing boundaries ... (read in full...)
I like him, he's not into his g/f, but I'm afraid of being labelled a 'man-stealer'
Q. My friends boyfriend has never shown a big interest in me besides little signs that always make me think he sort of liked me. And my friend has been dating this kid for not a long time and he even admitted to me that he isn't feeling it with her. ...
A. 26 March 2011: He can't be "feeling " you so much either- if he is still with her. Don't just listen to what men say - watch what they DO. ... (read in full...)
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