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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How can I be just friends with her, as she wants, when I'm in love with her?
Q. So I've been talking to this girl since Christmas and felt very strong about her, we became really close, she'd call me almost every day and we'd sometimes talk for hours, she'd often constantly joke about us getting married, which any guy would ...
A. 12 March 2011: Precious advice from Cerberus. I see it differently from him under some aspects, ( I still think she should not have insisted to keep in touch with you ,knowing that you are crushing on her ) but I certainly agree about the "reading the signs " ... (read in full...)
How can I be just friends with her, as she wants, when I'm in love with her?
Q. So I've been talking to this girl since Christmas and felt very strong about her, we became really close, she'd call me almost every day and we'd sometimes talk for hours, she'd often constantly joke about us getting married, which any guy would ...
A. 12 March 2011: @ Shawncaff- sorry my friend I could not resist the temptation to pull your ear a bit.
True, some women are really close to sadistic. It's not sadism, it's selfishness, insecurity and a hungry ego. The more you are liked, the more you have powe... (read in full...)
Are Asian women tighter?
Q. Do Asian Women have tighter Vagina's??? My friend said that asian women have tighter vaginas and are much better sexually for pleasure for men? is this true x...
A. 12 March 2011: I don't know the stats about female genitalia sizes in the different races- I don't even know if there are any studies about that .
But I do know that yes, statistically the average Asian penis is a few millimiters shorter than the Caucasian or ... (read in full...)
What to do about players?
Q. Well there's this guy in my class let's call him bob. So Bob is a player, he's had like 50 girlfriends and we're only 14. He's really nice though(most of the time) but he is annoying sometimes. He's a big player and flirts with like every girl. I ...
A. 12 March 2011: Tell him to stop winking- otherwise he's gonna have crow's feet by age 20.
Now,seriously- don't do anything. Let him be. At least if you want a guy that only likes YOU, and not a guy who likes anything that's got boobs.... (read in full...)
How can I be just friends with her, as she wants, when I'm in love with her?
Q. So I've been talking to this girl since Christmas and felt very strong about her, we became really close, she'd call me almost every day and we'd sometimes talk for hours, she'd often constantly joke about us getting married, which any guy would ...
A. 12 March 2011: You should stick to your guns and keep your distance. It's impossible to be just friends with soemone you are still so in love with, it's like self imposed torture . I think she is too self centered in asking you to,basically,suffer just because ... (read in full...)
Is he needy and hard to please?
Q. im a 30 year old professional female,i met a guy through work who is older than me and divorced (hes 48) i didnt find him physically attractive but after asking me out a few times i agreed,got on well and formed a relationship and now see each other ...
A. 12 March 2011: Needy ? He sounds like an overbearing jerk.
Let's pass him the breasts jokes- some people have a weird sense of humour. But please don't engage in sexual acts that you find painful or disgusting. For no man, nice or not. ... (read in full...)
I've been in a casual relationship for 5 years...I would like to date other me, but can't.
Q. I have been in a casual friends relationship with this guy for 5 years. I would like to date other men seriously, but cannot bring myself to do it. My question is how long should a casual "romance" really last. What makes him really want to continue ...
A. 11 March 2011: Yes, I think you should.
Rejection ?... Nothing ventured, nothing gained :)
And ,worst case,maybe is better being rejected than being strung along.... (read in full...)
Obsessing over boyfriend who does not always text back!
Q. Hello! My question I would like to be answered by both men and women but I would like to know a bit more what the men think as I cannot understand why my boyfriend behaves like this and would like some insight. I text my bf quite a lot, and some...
A. 11 March 2011: Leave the dude alone ! He told you you text him too much . You admit that you text him too much. I am telling you you text him too much. You text him too much !
You know why he is not always so keen or fast in answering you back ? Because he know... (read in full...)
Been told I have spine abifida, my life's over and I'm only 15!
Q. Please someone help:'( i feel as though my lifes over, i cant stop crying, i went to the doctors and have got told i have spine abifida, its in the lower part of my bck so it ok, but i also have a twisted spine, im an average bubbly teenage 1...
A. 11 March 2011: Honey, are you sure you understood well what they told you ??
Spina bifida, you are born with it, it does not develop overtime. How can it have gone undected for 15 years ?, this is a condition that any pediatrician would recognize at once.
As fo... (read in full...)
I've been in a casual relationship for 5 years...I would like to date other me, but can't.
Q. I have been in a casual friends relationship with this guy for 5 years. I would like to date other men seriously, but cannot bring myself to do it. My question is how long should a casual "romance" really last. What makes him really want to continue ...
A. 11 March 2011: Sorry,cupidlover89, but, in lack of further informations, ...yes, I guess I do.
I strongly believe that talk is cheap . Saying things is nice and easy- but then you've got to put your money where your mouth is.
5 years is a longish time, and if t... (read in full...)
I've been in a casual relationship for 5 years...I would like to date other me, but can't.
Q. I have been in a casual friends relationship with this guy for 5 years. I would like to date other men seriously, but cannot bring myself to do it. My question is how long should a casual "romance" really last. What makes him really want to continue ...
A. 11 March 2011: ... Convenience, habit, lazyness. Until he can count on you his basic sexual and emotional needs are covered. He knows he can have sex whenever he wants, he does not need to be by himself unless he wants to, I guess he can tell you his problems ... (read in full...)
Guy of average height being very negative on going after taller girls
Q. Hi, I am 5' 7" guy and I am not comfortable at all with with my height especially making the first move with girls taller than myself.... And I found myself increasingly attracted to girls taller than me. The worst is I've been rejected before ...
A. 11 March 2011: Precisely, it's a number's game. The trick is to learn not to take rejection too personally.
See it as if it were an audition. When you get turned down at an audition, it does not mean that you are a lousy actor,ot that you aren't any good,it only... (read in full...)
Does my age have anything to do with why he doesn't want me to meet his parents?
Q. Iam 26 my boyfriend is 38 he is going through his second divorce. I have not meet his parients yet. Does my age have anything to do with me not meeting his parients?...
A. 11 March 2011: I think it has more to do with his two divorces. He does not want his parents to think : " Oh no.... here we go again ":... (read in full...)
How do I get him to understand without losing him??
Q. Me and my boyfriend havent been dating very long (about two months) and we already had sex. The sex was completely consensual on both sides. Now that we've had sex a few times, he always gets horny when we are just laying on the couch and he tries ...
A. 11 March 2011: For once I must say that I totally see the boy 's point - you started having sex very early in the relationship and with your full and free consent , no pressures. So now why, having time and a location for sex, you should not have sex every day. ... (read in full...)
Should I move in with him?
Q. My boyfriend of 1 yr.., is planning of moving to las vegas and he wants me to move with him? Which means that we will be moving in together. aS MUCH As I like the idea but at the same time it makes me wonder if he ever has plan of marrying me. I ...
A. 11 March 2011: I'd ask. Even if the relationship should develop nicely,
some people just do not want to get married. They don't believe in marriage, or marriage is not a prority for them and , without totally excluding it, they keep postponing till " the righ... (read in full...)
Would it be nasty if I receive oral sex from his close friend?
Q. Hello!!! In Just going to get straight to it, would I be nasty if I received oral sex from this Guy if I use to have sex with his friend? OK me and the Guy who I use to Have sex with we don't talk, haven't talked in Like 7 months. They both liked Me...
A. 11 March 2011: Maybe not nasty , but.. better to avoid if you can.
But, I don't see the problem. If you are a beautiful girl, who is only looking for no strings attached sexual encounters, just go out ,send some sexy vibes around and you should have them queu... (read in full...)
Do you think doggy style is romantic?
Q. honestly ,do you think doggy style is romantic or it`s just for fun ,animalistic passion . would you have doggy style with a woman that you`re in deep love with ,if she `s the sweet n nice type ,if not which position would u choose ? think u g...
A. 11 March 2011: Doggy style is the opposite of romantic, but it does not mean that it can't be very intimate ,loving and bonding for the two partners. In fact, it shows that two people are comfortable with each other when they can let themselves go without ... (read in full...)
If you have sex, how do you feel, if you cannot make her finish?
Q. If you're a guy, how does it make you feel if you cannot make her finish during sex? ...
A. 10 March 2011: I am a woman, but if I were a guy I'd feel perfectly OK. I'd help her finish AFTER intercourse.
An orgasm is an orgasm- by whatever means it's reached.... (read in full...)
Guy of average height being very negative on going after taller girls
Q. Hi, I am 5' 7" guy and I am not comfortable at all with with my height especially making the first move with girls taller than myself.... And I found myself increasingly attracted to girls taller than me. The worst is I've been rejected before ...
A. 10 March 2011: I am a short ( 5'3") woman , and I think you'll hate what I am gonna say , but my advice is :
go for it . Ask taller girls out. You may get some rejections, but , the fact is that ALSO short girls reject short guys , so since you risk reje... (read in full...)
I don't know how she feels and I cant get a straight answer out of her
Q. ok, well my situation is this, im a college student attending Utah State University, and ive fallen for a friend of mine, the feeling has grown over the past five months, shes a beautiful girl and very intelligent, with a very unique personality. ...
A. 10 March 2011: What do you mean " you could not get a straight answer " ?
Did you ask her ? what happened.... Did you tell her " Would you like to be my gf " and she answered " The political situation in Lybia is very troubling, don't you think ? "??
Or you m... (read in full...)
I like this Capricorn guy
Q. Just a heads up for anyone who doesn't believe in them - This is a question about star signs/zodiacs. I respect a lot of you don't believe in them, but I do. So please don't comment saying what crap it is. I like this Capricorn guy. He's the de...
A. 10 March 2011: Ok, I won't say that astrology is crap. But I will remind you that , if you are an astrology buff, you should already know that the Sun sign is waaay too generic to get
indications about someone's personality. It's necessary to know also his risi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hasn't told his dad about us for 3 years
Q. Ok so me and my boyfriend have been going out for three years now. We started dating when I was 15 and he was 16. Now three years later I am 18 and he's 20 he still has not told his father about us. He is Muslim and I am catholic and his father is ...
A. 10 March 2011: Then you have to talk with your boyfriend and make sure he is planning a future with you, and that his family would have no objections,-or he would be willing to ignore their objections.
It's not about religion, strictly ( and anyway it's not agai... (read in full...)
Does anyone think he loves me?
Q. ok , so after my divorce in 2004 , me and a long time friend who was divorcing too . started to sleep together the first time once , did not see him for 9 months he called apologized and said i did not deserve that , we got to gather a few times a ...
A. 10 March 2011: What do you do ?- Elementary Watson- you give him his walking papers ! He's sooo wasting your time, and soooo taking advantage of your loneliness and vulnerability. And, to tell the truth, it's not all his fault: he has told you, and most of all ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to marry me because I never let him win??
Q. I'm in shock and lost for words right now. My boyfriend/fiance of about 6 years off and on finally told me last night that the reason he has been so hesitant on marrying me is because he has worked his whole life on his business, and if he ever got ...
A. 9 March 2011: I can imagine very well that you did not like what he said,- this is not exactly what a loving gf wants to hear - but I don't think he is such a monster of greediness and selfishness. One can be in love AND practically minded. He has worked ... (read in full...)
So counfused and hurt with what to do about "Bob"!!!
Q. Ok so I'm kinda in a mess right now with one of my friends, we'll call him "bob". Bob and I have been friends for about two years and I care about him a lot even though he doesn't have the same feelings.We hung out a couple of days ago and ...
A. 9 March 2011: Leave him alone. When he says he does not want to hook up with you because he does not want to ruin your friendship, it may be just a line ( quite possible, it IS a very common line used by guys with girls that they are not much into ) or it may be ... (read in full...)
Does No-Contact (NC) Works on failing relationship
Q. Hi Does NC (No Contact) rules really works. My bf of 2 years is not attentive to me as he was before, he often ignores me and i am the one who always initiate the conversation. I am planning to use NC for few days and see how that goes. I li...
A. 9 March 2011: Hard to say so in general.
Because ultimately , if it works or not, depends upon his feelings. If he is just a bit self involved, the type who tends to put more time and energy into friends and hobbies than in you....or if he is the "laz... (read in full...)
My guy gets pissed off so easily now. I don't know why and what is happening to him.. what can be the reason for it?
Q. well its like this. i had this relationship with fazmi at first. we had the affair for abt ten or eleven months. we truly luvd each other. but we had to break up because my mum got to know about our relationship and she made a big mess. but i tried ...
A. 9 March 2011: As we always say on Dear Cupid, " actions speak louder than words ". Saying I love you I love you it's the easiest thing in the world,- but then you have to ACT loving. Is he acting loving ? Not much.
Apparently he is being rude, irritable, curt... (read in full...)
Have not talked to my boyfriend in 4 days
Q. Let me give some background. Two years ago my boyfriend and best friend had a falling out. My best friend told my boyfriend that he better not hurt me or she would try and find someone to beat him up. I can understand why my boyfriend doesn't like ...
A. 9 March 2011: That's a tough one to answer.
Because in theory I should say that yes, your bf is controlling and he can't tell you whom to befriend and if you want to be friend with Satan, that's your own business.
But in practice, I think I'd react like him... (read in full...)
Ladies, if you’re with a well endowed man, what is it, exactly, that gets you most excited about sex with him from a purely physical aspect?
Q. Ladies...if you are with a man who is well endowed, what is it, exactly, that gets you most excited about sex with him from a purely physical aspect? If it is his size, what specifically about his penis is the most enticing? Seeing it and looking ...
A. 9 March 2011: Funny- now that I think of it, "enticing " is not a word that I would apply for any size of penis. At least from a purely aesthetic, visual point of view. Particularly in their flaccid state, they remind me of some obscure sea creature, the kind ... (read in full...)
Do girls masturbate without thinking of boys?
Q. i have a girlfriend. i am in a relationship for the past 1 year. we started speaking of sex and all for quite some time now. initially she would tell me that she loved someone else and had slept on the arm of her classmate in d school while in ...
A. 8 March 2011: Of course women can masturbate without thinking of a specific man ! They don't need to think anything particular-,in fact thinking of some specific episode or scene may even kill the mood and distract you from savouring the physical sensation.
I... (read in full...)
Dissillusioned - I think she's cheating but I have no proof..
Q. Like my name says, I'm disillusioned and confused. I married my wife 27yrs ago and knew she wasn't a virgin. It bothered me at first but after she told me how it happened, I decided to live with it, after all, I also lost my virginity to someone ...
A. 8 March 2011: You wonder if she is comparing you to her first lover..?
Naaah. Very,very unlikely .After 27 years ! , she probably barely remembers his name- forget about anything else.
Sex did not fly through the window- you are still having sex once a week ... (read in full...)
Dissillusioned - I think she's cheating but I have no proof..
Q. Like my name says, I'm disillusioned and confused. I married my wife 27yrs ago and knew she wasn't a virgin. It bothered me at first but after she told me how it happened, I decided to live with it, after all, I also lost my virginity to someone ...
A. 8 March 2011: I think what you are basing your suspicions upon is way too little for jumping to conclusions. Your perception my be clouded,as you say, by the fear she may do to you what you have so easily and repeatedly done to her in the past. You are judging ... (read in full...)
Is what I've seen in porn true?
Q. Hi, Aunts there i have a question in my mind, it may sound silly, but still i just want to know the opinion from different people. I've heard that the intercourse can last for more than half an our before men cum. is that true? i mean, don’t...
A. 8 March 2011: I agree with Annalisa ,you are waaay too young to watch porn. Also because you risk learning it all wrong- in porn they have to do things in a way that's very scenic, and eyecatching, but that's not what works in real life for most women !
H... (read in full...)
If he is in love with me why is he keeping other girls around? And why won't he put a pic of us together, or change his status on Facebook?
Q. I met my man 7 months ago. A mutual friend gave him my Facebook address, he added me as a friend, and three months later he contacted me. We chatted for 8 hours the first time we spoke, which had never happened to me before, so I took it as this is ...
A. 8 March 2011: Uhm. Regardless of anything, I d be very wary of a guy who tells people " what they want to hear " in order to further his own interest. If this is his M.O., next time he wants something from you, he'll do it to you- he'll tell you what you want to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hasn't told his dad about us for 3 years
Q. Ok so me and my boyfriend have been going out for three years now. We started dating when I was 15 and he was 16. Now three years later I am 18 and he's 20 he still has not told his father about us. He is Muslim and I am catholic and his father is ...
A. 8 March 2011: Necessary proviso : I don't know your bf's father nor how religious he is nor the customs and traditions of Muslim communities in Canada, so mine is just a guess :
your bf did not mention you to his father because deep down he knows you two don'... (read in full...)
Depression: red flag?!!?
Q. well, I found this guy on a dating website, we got on pretty well, he asks to meet me (after a really long time, like two months) we meet, it's OK no more, he seems a bit down and mentions two broken marriages at age 38. The second date is better, ...
A. 8 March 2011: Too early to read so many things in his words and demeanour after just two casual dates. If you are interested, take it slow, without too many expectations and early emotional investments, and see how things develop.
I must say though that... (read in full...)
Is her discomfort an excuse for not wanting more?
Q. So I read tons of stuff on here about girls being able to go for round after round of sex, and Its left me with a lot of questions. My girlfriend and I have, from what I can see, a very good sex life. Though we are both in high school, we do it...
A. 8 March 2011: Yes, is pretty normal being hypersensitive in your " nether regions " after orgams. I must say that generally it does not take " a few hours " for the discomfort to go away , the recovery time as far as I know is shorter.but maybe she is different- ... (read in full...)
Can someone contract STDs or mouth infection through oral sex?
Q. Hi I have never tried any form of oral sex. I have a fantasy about it but i'm scared i might get any form of STD or infection of the mouth. Is it possible to contract the above mentioned diseases through oral sex? Also should i ignore the natur...
A. 7 March 2011: Getting close to a.... " beaver " ?... Oh. No wonder they invented dental dams.
Sorry guys, I know this is the lamest joke ever- I just couldn't resist :)... (read in full...)
Will my girlfriend care if I change sports?
Q. Im just wondering what my girlfriend might think. Im a guy. I recently started playing rugby on a team and after realising i didnt like it that much i decided to go back to track (i wasnt too great at rugby). What do you think she will think of ...
A. 7 March 2011: Why in the world should she care ??
Unless she were a really rabid rugby fan. Bet even so, hey , you're the one who's gotta play and I guess if you are happy with your choice she's happy too.
Of course she asked you what sports do you play... (read in full...)
Should I keep investing into my husband who wants his cake & wants to eat it to?
Q. My husband cheated on me. He asked me for an open relationship but I didn't want that. We split up, I moved out into my own apt. He still keeps me at arms length. We still have sex a few times a week. So, how stupid am I at this point? I kn...
A. 7 March 2011: What husband ? what marriage ?...
You are more like FWB now.
You don't live together, he keeps you at arms length yet he get to have sex with you whenever he wants. While he is sleeping with other women. He did get to eat his cake and keep it ... (read in full...)
Do I take up with my ex again?
Q. what is this? I have an X? He become my X 3 years ago, after we having irreconcilable differences. He was cheating on me, drinking and partying hard. we loved each other so much So i let him go, even when i still love him i cried my self to s...
A. 7 March 2011: Reality check : YOU loved him so much. He must have loved you somewhat less, since he cheated on you, which is surely not a strong demonstration of love.
You also say you broke up because of irreconciliable differences. So, how do you know thes... (read in full...)
I am 37 weeks pregnant and boyfriend is totally ignoring me
Q. The guy that I am pregnant by we were dateing for 3years,he broke up with me for almost a whole year I was deeply in love with him so the brake up was very hard for me, we kind of kepd in contact an what I mean by that he will only call me for ...
A. 7 March 2011: Yes, unluckily it's better if you prepare yourself to a life as a single mother . Put your energy into being healthy and happy , and raising a happy healthy child- without his dad . I hope he will take at least financial responsibility, since he ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: Truelover,
I think you misunderstood what I meant. I did NOT assume you were a particularly , or even superficially, religious person. I said " spiritual ", not religious. One can be spiritual without following the rules of any specific reli... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Truelover, I am not tryng to be bitchy, but...let me say that you too seem to partake of this atmosphere of " instant gratification " which you officially disapprove.And you too seem to be intensely focused on taking care of your sexual needs- same ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Of course you are perfectly entitled to have your own standards and expectations about anything.
You are just not entitled to shove them down the throat of people who have different values, and to make your partner miserable with reje... (read in full...)
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