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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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They tell me I should like boys, but I don't How do I tell them I don't want to go to the dance without hurting their feelings?
Q. Ermm, hi, kay, here's the problem. My best friend, el, told me that at this age we 're supposed to like boys. But, I still sort of hate them. I mean, is it even normal to like boys. I've not even had my first crush or anything like that. Then, our ...
A. 11 April 2011: Good girl, that's the spirit : stiff upper lip and think of sushi !:) You got El off your back, and your participation to the dance will help you networking- not that bad after all.
No, people are not supposed to laugh at anything you say, when... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my ex talk to me?
Q. My ex and I broke up a year ago and now we have the same class together. He is a really nice guy who made a douche bag move when he broke it off, saying he was too busy for school, work and myself. Even though he had a new girlfriend (at the time), ...
A. 11 April 2011: You don't need to actively dislike people to cut them off your life- just to feel indifferent about them.
Don't be too surprised- a recent research found out that each of us can only maintain no more than 150 "friends" - or meaningful human inte... (read in full...)
Am I sending the wrong message?
Q. I’m 33 years old woman and always dress up even on Sundays when I want to go out to have a cup of coffee, I m not originally from the USA. I see here women go out with pajama to be honest at the beginning I was amazed how they can go to university ...
A. 11 April 2011: I always took it to mean they like what they see :)
As a fashion conscious Italian , I would not dream going anywhere ( well,maybe to the beach ) without make up on and my nails done;and I never wore sweat pants or sneakers outside of a gym. When... (read in full...)
I miss my ex! Should I contact him again?
Q. So this guy and I broke up 6 months ago I still haven't gotten over him sadly...i miss him. The break up was really bad it was mostly my fault..but I really want to talk to him. He deleted me off Facebook back when we split. Is adding him again like ...
A. 11 April 2011: Very bad idea, the more you toy with these ideas, the more it will take you to move on finally and for good. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend left after she said she lost her feeling for me. Will she come back?
Q. My ex girlfriend is 38 i'm 44 and she works away a lot. 3 weeks ago after texting as normal i asked her if she was ok and she said fine how about you? i said i think we need to talk and from that point within 30mins she said no she's not fine and we ...
A. 11 April 2011: Don't put too much stock on the "let's be friends " It's one of those things that people say to soften the blow , to let you down easy , but it's not to be taken literally. It's a way of saying : let's not hate each other, let's not have hard ... (read in full...)
I kicked him out because he watched too much porn, please advise.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now (we are both 30) and we moved in with each other at the end of November. I have been blissfully happy and not even thought about anyone else, I was ready marry this person and have children. I used to go ...
A. 11 April 2011: OP, you raise interesting and thought provoking points against porn,but then unfortunately whether they are more or less valid is not the issue. If you feel so strongly and passionately against porn , then alas you just have chanced on the wron... (read in full...)
Is this likely to have got her pregnant?
Q. Hi, I am slightly worried about the condom having slipped off and am wondering if I should be worried. My head tells me no, but I'm not very knowledgeable so I would rather ask. I finished inside her, but by the time I got it out it had softene...
A. 11 April 2011: First, don't panic. You asked if it could have happened , it could- which does not mean that it MUST have happened. You are not sure if any semen got deposited into vaginal secretions, and you don't know if that happened close to her ovulatio... (read in full...)
Is she acting entitled?
Q. ok gang, so here it is. its a little long, i know but it reads fast! :) this girl and i have been on rough terms for the past few months. i kept gettin more and more upset with her because i felt she took me for granted. we are not dating or an...
A. 10 April 2011: Well,yes,it's pretty clear that you are not too high on her priority list of people to see. But I wonder : did you have reasonable expectations that you'd be in a higher position on that list? Was this a given, from your past history togethe... (read in full...)
They tell me I should like boys, but I don't How do I tell them I don't want to go to the dance without hurting their feelings?
Q. Ermm, hi, kay, here's the problem. My best friend, el, told me that at this age we 're supposed to like boys. But, I still sort of hate them. I mean, is it even normal to like boys. I've not even had my first crush or anything like that. Then, our ...
A. 10 April 2011: This was a cute and refreshing post. We get so many from girls your age that say " I want to have a baby " or " I had sex while I was drunk " or " my bf left me, my life is over " that's just so nice to hear from a girl whose life is not going ... (read in full...)
How would you deal with his?
Q. As an adult, if a child came up to you, and told you they were being sexually abused by someone in the family, how would you deal with this? and what would you say to the child? I'm 18....
A. 10 April 2011: I'd report it to the police immediately, like today. And if the abuse happens within the family, I'd tell the kid to talk to her/his school, or child protection services.
Of course there is the possibility that the child may have exag... (read in full...)
I kicked him out because he watched too much porn, please advise.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now (we are both 30) and we moved in with each other at the end of November. I have been blissfully happy and not even thought about anyone else, I was ready marry this person and have children. I used to go ...
A. 10 April 2011: Personally I don't like porn, and I have a hard time understanding why people get so turned on by close ups of strangers's genitalia, might as well being turned on by seeing dogs or cats coupling ! But, that's me - I also have a hard time ... (read in full...)
He's been lying. I just found out he has kids. Should he stay or go? what do I tell my kids?
Q. i found out my boyfriend of 3 years has 3 different babies, by 3 different women. the ages of his three children are 5, 4 and 2 i love him, he lives with me and my kids, who are aged 8 and 13. I love him and i want to be with him, but what do ...
A. 10 April 2011: You just say the hell with it.
You do not need to "try " and trust him. You can't afford it- you are a mother of two still young kids, and you are responsible for the people you bring in their life. You can't dabble with people that " maybe " can ... (read in full...)
Am I a booty call, or just FWB? Why does he never initiate our get togethers?
Q. Alright, how do I word this? Lets see.. I have a friends with benefits, but my friends say he's a "booty call". We don't talk for a couple of days, or even a week, and then i'll text him and we either hook up that day or the next and then go back...
A. 10 April 2011: No, a woman can answer too, it's a rather simple, common situation.
He does not call you and let you do the calling- because you are more into him than viceversa and your hook ups are more important to you than to him.
He likes having sex with... (read in full...)
Will my strange body movements during an orgasm turn off a guy?
Q. This is kind of an embarrassing question for me. I haven't had sex in my relationships yet, but when I'm on my own (meaning masturbating) I feel that when I orgasm I squirm too much up until when I arch my back becoming stiff, and my lower body ...
A. 10 April 2011: Extreme ?... Well, I was not there too see you of course , but what you say sounds pretty normal , in fact : arched back, strong pelvic floor spasms... I'd really would not worry about it. You are allowed to curl your toes, too :)... (read in full...)
Are my dark "bits" as pretty as a white girl's to my boyfriend?
Q. I am black and my partner is white. I have seen some of the porn he uses and they have white women in them, and they all have very...pink, light skinned vagina's. Of course, as I am black, I am much darker down there and I feel insecure. Are whit...
A. 10 April 2011: I agree with all the other posters, plus I'd like to add :
your doubt can only exist if you have unilaterally decided that white skin is necessarily better than brown, pink nipples are better than dark etc.etc.
I am as white-and-pink as they com... (read in full...)
Why has my fiance just joined a dating site????
Q. Hi all, I have been dating a wonderful girl for just over a year now. we don't live together but see each other most weekends. she is always excited to see me and tells me she misses me when I am not there. we have a healthy emailing relatio...
A. 10 April 2011: Paranoia?....Uhm. She is very keen on seeing you when she needs money, not so keen when money is fine. That would be a big red flag to me, very red- poppy-red , if this is a recurring trend. And,btw, pardon me but how come you give her money fo... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my ex talk to me?
Q. My ex and I broke up a year ago and now we have the same class together. He is a really nice guy who made a douche bag move when he broke it off, saying he was too busy for school, work and myself. Even though he had a new girlfriend (at the time), ...
A. 10 April 2011: It's not a rule not talking to your exes. If they both want,they can talk. He does NOT want !,get it ? - he made it very clear. And, since he is an ex , is not strange or mean or inappropriate if he does not want , nor he should force himself ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my ex talk to me?
Q. My ex and I broke up a year ago and now we have the same class together. He is a really nice guy who made a douche bag move when he broke it off, saying he was too busy for school, work and myself. Even though he had a new girlfriend (at the time), ...
A. 9 April 2011: Because he's an ex !
You two broke up badly, he moved on, was smart enough to acknowledge he treated you poorly and apologized. End of the story, what do should he talk to you about ?
You don't even mention him having said the classic " let's be... (read in full...)
Many random hookups have spoiled my interest in sex and my faith in true love.
Q. I don't think i can ever love a guy. I have hooked up so many times that i dont even enjoy romance or a simple kiss. Kissing doesnt turn me on like it used to, b/c im not doing it with guys i even like....I feel lost, confused and impatient because ...
A. 9 April 2011: Emotions are irrational, but rational thinking may help sorting them out.
So :
you don't refuse these guys because you feel bad for them. This is just absurd - when you feel yourself thinking like this, you can stop and say : I am having a... (read in full...)
Will my strange body movements during an orgasm turn off a guy?
Q. This is kind of an embarrassing question for me. I haven't had sex in my relationships yet, but when I'm on my own (meaning masturbating) I feel that when I orgasm I squirm too much up until when I arch my back becoming stiff, and my lower body ...
A. 9 April 2011: What you describe is totally normal and I don't see why it should turn off a guy, chances are they'll find it very exciting instead.... (read in full...)
I want to date her, but she is always making excuses even though she says she likes me! What to do??
Q. So I am a 20 year old female and recently came out as bi. My best friend is a lesbian and we have only known each other for a few months. My problem is I have just gotten out of a relationship with a man that lasted 4 years and have fallen for ...
A. 9 April 2011: Gender does not matter- she is clearly stringing you along.Ego boost , or the chance to secure herself a convenient "just in case " plan B , or just alcohol fueled
horniness. Don't give too much weight to what she SAYS, in fact don't give it any.... (read in full...)
Am I the only person who believes you should give advice if you have experienced a situation?
Q. I have been a member of this site for a long time and have been reading a lot of the advice that is given. A lot of it varies and not everyone has them same answer which is to be expected. A few aunts or uncles I have been following give q...
A. 9 April 2011: If everybody should have gone through a certain situation before having a sense of what it is like and be qualified to express an opinion or a suggestion about it , then most of the world should be silent all the time. You don't need to be a ... (read in full...)
Please help.. judgmental mom doesn't like my boyfriend of 2 years for no reason whatsoever
Q. My mom is being really mean saying that she doesn't like my boyfriend of whom I've been dating for 2 years now only because he is shy and doesn't like to talk much. Gosh it's really irritating me.. gahhh I feel myself getting closer and closer to ...
A. 9 April 2011: Agreed, insulting people that you don't even know is wrong.
But in your previous posts you had not mentioned insults.
You just said that your mom does not like him and she is being critical ( of his role in your life,more than of the boy himself ... (read in full...)
We fought over housecleaning and he walked out. How do I make him understand?
Q. Ok, living with my boyfriend is killing me! Lately we have been arguing because he doesn't clean up after himself. I do all the cleaning and I don't mind seen as I don't work as much as him but the guy does nothing and when he eventually does ...
A. 9 April 2011: Strontiumdog, your argumentation is logically unreproachable- and still it does not convince me. Why ? because that would be your typical rebel teenager 's stand, not an adult stand. An oppositional teenager would say to his mom : hey it's you that ... (read in full...)
I want to go out with my new friends, but I need them to invite me. What should I do?
Q. I know this question isn't specifically about love but i need some help, please! I have just got this new group of friends at school and im REALLY happy, they are great! Problem is, they all live near each other and are really close. They always g...
A. 8 April 2011: I would not stand so much on ceremonies. You can just say : Hey guys, at what time are you going to the park usually, I was thinking of joining you . Or : here's my phone no, next time you are going to the park, could you text me, I'd like to ... (read in full...)
Does he really love his GF as much as he says he does? Or is he interested in me?
Q. Hello, I realized I basically fell in love with one guy. He has been in a relationship for 3 years now. From the begining he did not tell me about his girl friend,so I was talking to him as to a single good looking and nice guy. Then I found ou...
A. 8 April 2011: Classic standard DC answer but the fact it's repeated so often does not make it less true : Actions speak louder than words. Mind what he does, not what he says. He can say all he wants, and put it in music too, but the fact is, has he left... (read in full...)
My dads porn addiction is hurting our family!
Q. A little back story: My mom and I are very close, so we talk to each other like friends often. Because of that, I know a lot about her and my dad's relationship. My dad has been experiencing some Erectile Dysfunction issues over the past two...
A. 8 April 2011: You sound miffed that people is commenting about your mother's bizarre convos with you, and basically say : stick to my question, how can I intervene ?...
But you see, the two things are linked, you should not intervene because you should neve... (read in full...)
I am secretly dating my cousin. Now her sister is threatening to tell our family about it unless we have sex with her, too!
Q. Ok, My cousin and I have been dating for close to a year without either of our families knowing or finding out. But just recently, her younger sister came forward to us about knowing about our relationship. She's threatening to tell our respective ...
A. 8 April 2011: This is some jokester's prank.
As if your gf thinks it's "taboo" to date a cousin, so she does not have the nerve to defy the taboo
- but would have no problem having an incestuous 3some with her own sister.
Hard to believe. Pls.come up ... (read in full...)
Tell me how I can heal my broken heart? Is my caste my fault? Twice I lost for same reason
Q. how could i ever forget my boy friend easily? He said that he loved me, but he can't be married to me, because his family don't accept me because my caste didn't match with him.. tell me how my caste is my mistake? i loved him unconditionaly w...
A. 8 April 2011: It's not your fault for living in the wrong place, in a caste-dominated system- but it's your fault ( or at least your responsibility ) that you chose to disregard that when chosing a partner.
If you are really from Nepal, like your flag says... (read in full...)
Please help.. judgmental mom doesn't like my boyfriend of 2 years for no reason whatsoever
Q. My mom is being really mean saying that she doesn't like my boyfriend of whom I've been dating for 2 years now only because he is shy and doesn't like to talk much. Gosh it's really irritating me.. gahhh I feel myself getting closer and closer to ...
A. 8 April 2011: Ah-ah. I knew it could not be just because of the shyness . ( Even if , I must say, when people can't hold a semi decent conversation, and just answer monosyllables, while maybe shuffling their feet and NOT looking at you- well, it's not only ... (read in full...)
A Greek mythological name for my daughter?
Q. I am 7 months pregnant with a little girl and im having a really hard time finding a name for her since i dont like traditional names much im looking for unique names does anyone have any suggestions. I love greek mythology and dark beautiful names ...
A. 8 April 2011: Selene ( Moon goddess ) - goes well with Nyx ( Night goddess ).
Or Moira - no, it's not Irish, lol- it's the personification of " destiny " , "fate".
something " lighter " ?... Amaryllis ( a nymph, " the shining one " ).
Something really origi... (read in full...)
After I had sex with him he told me he was involved with another girl!
Q. Hello, So I've always liked this guy. Ever since middle school I've had the biggest crush on him. I'm in college now, and we've just started corresponding last summer. We used text each other about once a week or so. I could tell he was generall...
A. 8 April 2011: Should your wait for your turn ? Heck no ! You are not in line at a soup kitchen for destitute ,sex starved young women ! You don't want the scraps !
What should you do ? You should learn from this, and in future , never have sex with a guy BEFO... (read in full...)
Is this likely to have got her pregnant?
Q. Hi, I am slightly worried about the condom having slipped off and am wondering if I should be worried. My head tells me no, but I'm not very knowledgeable so I would rather ask. I finished inside her, but by the time I got it out it had softene...
A. 8 April 2011: Not far at all !
Sperms have a quality called negative reotropism- meaning, they swim upstream like salmons.
If they get deposited in the vaginal secretions, at the entrance of the orifice, they swim upwards to reach the destination they are... (read in full...)
I ended it with my husband because he was awful to my son. Now he wants to work on the problems. Should I give him a chance?
Q. Ok, I did it. I ended my relationship. My second husband’s relationship with my little boy was awful. My little boy is 9 years old and he needs anxiety counselling because of all the chaos in his life. I have to say, although I love my Husband, it ...
A. 7 April 2011: Excuse me ? Your 9 year old boy suffers from anxiety and needs counseling because,or also because, what your husband put him through... and you are thinking of giving him one more chance?...
Your heart says " I don't want to lose you "- even if h... (read in full...)
Do you think I can rekindle a friendship after three years?
Q. Can you rekindle old friendships that died at your own hand years ago? The reason I'm asking is because 3 years ago I was part of a group of tight knit friends but after a severe falling out with one of them, they abandoned me. I'm not blameles...
A. 7 April 2011: Glad to hear the positive developments,and best of luck for this upcoming meet up !... (read in full...)
Whenever b/f has to chose between me or friends & drugs, I lose!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. We've always had a great relationship- going out together a lot, regular good sex etc. We even ended up going to the same University together, which although many people said was a bad idea, ...
A. 7 April 2011: " I really don't know what to do ". Untrue. You know it , but you don't want to do it. You are here on DC, I think, hoping that somebody will tell you : sure , stick it out, "love vincit omnia ", all he needs it's that you show him some TLC and ... (read in full...)
Am I being cheap here and over-reacting? Or does my boyfriend not give me the respect that I deserve?
Q. Sorry this is going to be long; thank you in advance for reading and for your answers. I’ve been dating my bf for about 2 yrs now. He’s always been a little clingy and overbearing, but I attributed that to the fact that he’s had a disturbed childh...
A. 7 April 2011: A scalded cat dreads cold water. I think the bad experience with his ex has got a lot to do with his attitude towards money now. He may think he got over having been exploited, or he may even really be over what happened. Nonetheless , he must ... (read in full...)
Would it be ok to give my ex some self help books?
Q. I know I am going to get a lot of negative comments about this, but I would like a suggestion nevertheless: I am just out of this thank god short relationship with a guy who clearly falls in the commitment phobe category, lots of push and pull, ...
A. 7 April 2011: Karma is in the subconscious :).
Don't try changing other people- change yourself.
A good question to ask yourself would be, for instance, how come that after a bad experience with a committment-phobe- the next guy I end up with is another ... (read in full...)
Is he with her for sex?
Q. There was this friend I liked for a year. We've known each other since elementary school til now in highschool. I recently moved to another state 3000 miles away But he knew I was returning and I even came back for the summer time. Summer was ...
A. 7 April 2011: I don't think anybody can give you a firm yes or not, not knowing the people involved.
Maybe she has great boobs and butt, but also has a great personality and a fantastic sense of humour. Or, maybe, au contraire, she is a total bimbo- and that... (read in full...)
Do I need to cut my hair to increase my luck meeting girls?
Q. Hi, I've been single for nearly a year now and I want to get out there again but I don't want anything too serious as I have a very bad track record of relationships, therefore I am severely put off for the time being. I have told my friend that...
A. 6 April 2011: Ok, due note taken : you hair is clean.
But- having great looking long hair takes time ( and a dedication worth perhaps of a better cause:). You can't just let them grow and let them be any which way. Natural curls look wonderful, if yours inst... (read in full...)
Did my dad over-react? And should I go all the way with my boyfriend?
Q. me and my bf are both 15 and in love and about a month ago my parents left and he came over. we were making-out then i gave him a bj, (we still had our clothes on, his pants were unzipped). then my dad walked in grabbed him by his neck and started ...
A. 6 April 2011: Over reacted ? You are kidding right ? I think your dad gave proof of great self control if all he did was yelling, as opposed to totally loosing it and kicking BOTH your butts. Which would have been reproachable ( never resort to physical viol... (read in full...)
Girlfriend accuses me of not being excited enough about getting married
Q. Dear cupid, I've been living with my girlfriend for a few years now. We have a stable relationship - some up and downs, of course, but nothing big, I guess. We're both around 26-29 y old. For some time she's been talking about getting married an...
A. 6 April 2011: Did you tell her exactly that ? " I am not particularly excited about our wedding just because to me it won't change the substance of things. I will still love you when we are married the same I'd love if we weren't ". I don't thing she could ... (read in full...)
Been cheating on wife with 3 girlfriends and 40 hookers
Q. Hi, I have been married 10 years to my wife who I love but she is very difficult to live with. I don't know if I am a nympho or what, but when she is not around I can masturbate up to 4 times a day. Also, when i have been away for work on many occ...
A. 6 April 2011: If you already know the answers why do you bother asking ?
Also, you think you cannot change- and most of all it sounds like you don't want to change ,even if you could, since you love what you are doing and have no "moralistic " scruples abou... (read in full...)
Do I need to cut my hair to increase my luck meeting girls?
Q. Hi, I've been single for nearly a year now and I want to get out there again but I don't want anything too serious as I have a very bad track record of relationships, therefore I am severely put off for the time being. I have told my friend that...
A. 6 April 2011: Hair style is a code , same as dress is a code.
Hair is NOT what you are, you'd be exactly the same , same personality, same ideas even if you'd shave your head. But
it's a way by which you send a message about yourself to your environm... (read in full...)
Do you think I can rekindle a friendship after three years?
Q. Can you rekindle old friendships that died at your own hand years ago? The reason I'm asking is because 3 years ago I was part of a group of tight knit friends but after a severe falling out with one of them, they abandoned me. I'm not blameles...
A. 28 March 2011: Sure, why not ? I suppose that, at your age, 3 years sound like a heck of a lot of time.... but it's not. You don't even need to make a song and a dance about it or to reshash in painstaking details who did what to whom and why. Just contact ... (read in full...)
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