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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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The fact that my GF was not a virgin when she met me, is breaking me down.I cant handle this relationship anymore...
Q. Ive being going out with my girlfriend for nearly two years now and early on in the relationship i found she wasnt a virgin. This was painful for me to hear for two reasons: 1-I belive that you should lose your virginity to someone you love and want...
A. 20 May 2012: OP, now don't go turning the tables on us. You had generally been advised to leave your gf BECAUSE you said that you COULD NOT stand the torment and the pain of your gf's non-virginity, to the point you were breaking down ( see title , and text, ... (read in full...)
The fact that my GF was not a virgin when she met me, is breaking me down.I cant handle this relationship anymore...
Q. Ive being going out with my girlfriend for nearly two years now and early on in the relationship i found she wasnt a virgin. This was painful for me to hear for two reasons: 1-I belive that you should lose your virginity to someone you love and want...
A. 2 May 2011: I can't but reiterate my previous advice : leave her . If you love her as you say, you'll understand that she deserves marrying somebody who cherishes her exactly like she is, and that fully accepts her with all her past " mistakes " and ... (read in full...)
She keeps walking in on me masturbating!
Q. Need help? My sister walked in on me masterbating last month, now she keeps doing it. And i've been super carefull, but its like she knows i'm doing it and my bedroom door flys open, she's even walked in on me twice wheni've been in the shower. What ...
A. 1 May 2011: I think this must be a troll post, because the solution to this quandary is so evident that the OP should be totally clueless for not having figured it out.
But, in the off chance that our OP is too hormone -laden to be able to think stra... (read in full...)
Am I wrong? Or can it be as black and white as this?
Q. I've been thinking about this for a while and I think I finally have my answer. Tell me if you think I'm wrong. (or right? LOL) If a man knows that his porn viewing is hurting his girl, and he continues to do it, doesn't that mean he doesn't ...
A. 1 May 2011: Uhm. This is a difficult one. Because instinctively I am inclined to say, sure you are right. He does not NEED porn, he can live a happy ,healthy , fun life even without it- you don't like it, it hurts you, it grosses you out , so of course, he ... (read in full...)
Was he serious about his penis size?
Q. To make this short a guy I liked and was fooling around with (making out and a bit of touching) joked about his penis being small. His exact words were "You know my dick is this big right?" and with his thumb and pointer finger made about a three ...
A. 1 May 2011: Yes, I guess he was joking. It's a wild guess, but , from the letters we get at Dear Cupid from not well endowed gentleman, they see their smaller size as a troubling , even dramatic concern and they are not likely to bring it up in casual ... (read in full...)
He's ONLY hit me twice recently. But should I end this relationship?
Q. My partner used to physicaly and mentaly abuse me. it became worse during my pregnancy , and i miscarried. After this he became better for a while and has only hit me twice in serious arguments. i still can't get over how he treated me and even tho...
A. 1 May 2011: Ah well, if he only hit you twice then...
OF COURSE you have to end the relationship ! ONCE was more than enough !
It does not matter if now the relationship is good, because there is no relationship anymore. It crumbled down with his first bl... (read in full...)
It is domestic abuse. So why would some try to blame the victim? What's their mindset and the payoff for doing it?
Q. i work with T who has recently been subjected to domestic abuse, and is still having this happen to her, at home. But something happened this week, people talking behind the back of T. And it has shaken my trust in some of my co-workers. Am i m...
A. 1 May 2011: Maybe this coworkers are mean spirited and lack of compassion- but I think first we should agree about what is "compassion".
Compassion is not cooing over the person who is being abused " Oh you poor helpless little thing, look what that brute has ... (read in full...)
Not sure whether I am right or wrong in this situation...
Q. I feel really upset right now and don't know whether I am justified in feeling this way. Yesterday (for the royal wedding) my boyfriend and I (been together 15 months) got invited to my cousin's bbq. Meanwhile he also got an invite to attend...
A. 1 May 2011: Well yes, I think you have over reacted . I guess it's due to your depression that makes you oversensitive, and read a lot into every gesture or word. It's like you have been counting exactly how many hugs, how many cuddles, how many smiles and ... (read in full...)
The fact that my GF was not a virgin when she met me, is breaking me down.I cant handle this relationship anymore...
Q. Ive being going out with my girlfriend for nearly two years now and early on in the relationship i found she wasnt a virgin. This was painful for me to hear for two reasons: 1-I belive that you should lose your virginity to someone you love and want...
A. 30 April 2011: I am going to comment something that has already been very well commented by You Wish, - and I am insisting on it to show you why most people would have trouble to "feel your pain ".
Let's take for granted that dismissing you with a : Aw come on, ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure I will pass a drug test!
Q. i have a job interview this following wednesday coming up i used cocaine about a month and half ago and now i need to make sure i past a hair drug test i only used one time only and like i said it was about a month ago...i am scared i may not past ...
A. 30 April 2011: 45 days ago ? Sorry, you will not pass it.
Obviously,how much the test will go back depends also from the quantity of drug assumed and the length of the hair- with relevant quantities, and long hair, they can go back even 20 months.
But also wit... (read in full...)
Are we friends? Or friends with benefits? Or what?
Q. **It is a little long, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take the time to read it!!! Long story short, I have an FwB, we do not have sex though (I am a virgin - he isn't), and it was MY choice to become friends with benefits, except we didn't really ...
A. 30 April 2011: It means that , beside a bad case of lockjaw, you also have a medium case of low self esteem.
I found sad, and surprising, that at your age, first thing you think is " if I can't give him oral sex, then he won't bother with me , I'll be a wast... (read in full...)
Why did he lie so much... I thought he was a friend?
Q. really need help-so down. ok ive been friends with a guy for 2 years we were close friends and we worked together. he was in a bad way when he started and i helped and supported him emotionally and financially for the last 2 years. during th...
A. 30 April 2011: Thye only thing you should do9 , as painful as it is , is seeing thi8ngs as they are and not as you'd like them to be : you have met an user, and then move on.
I find very significant that this person has been nice to you as loong as he need... (read in full...)
Experiences in dating foreign women?
Q. Ok...so I have finally reached the point where I am literally forced to realize the great bulk of American women are not material for marriage. However, there is a great alternative and I have gathered enough information to set about it next summer ...
A. 21 April 2011: I 'd be curious to know what makes a woman "feminine "in your eyes.
What has she got to do to be feminine ? Earn less than you ? Wear lace panties ? Be afraid of mice ?
I am not being sarcastic, just honestly curious . Please fill the blanks f... (read in full...)
Do girls really enjoy one night stands as much as men?
Q. One of the answers to a question I asked has prompted me to ask another question: Do girls really enjoy one night stands as much as men? If that is the case, what advise would you give men (ie most, no doubt) who are also in the same frame o...
A. 21 April 2011: No, they don't. At least most of them.
They DO have one night stands, but just browse Dear Cupid and you'll see how most of these one night stands are prompted by anything but the pure search for unfettered pleasure, i.e. : loneliness, low self... (read in full...)
I hate to end a relationship over texting but I dont' know what to do anymore!
Q. This is a really random question, but I've been dating my girlfriend for about two years now, and I'm not a big cell phone person. I believe that when you're in the company of other people, be it friends or especially your significant other, the ...
A. 21 April 2011: No, she is not immature, she is simply RUDE. My son is 21, he is no rocket scientist, but he does not do that. My niece is only 14, she does not do that either. They have grown up with the idea that when you are around people , you must be ... (read in full...)
Should texting really be an issue in our relationship?
Q. So I have a question, but I dont know if I am being silly or if I genuinely do have a point. Ive been going out with my bf now for almost 10 months and I really do love him and he tells me all the time when he sees me and he is ever so sweet an...
A. 21 April 2011: Totally on your BF 's side. He is busy, he works, he studies- yet he manages to be with you 4 times a week, which is quite a lot, AND to text you occasionally.
He's is surely not someone who acts uninterested or neglectful.
This urge of yours... (read in full...)
What is the mind of a woman like?
Q. if a woman suggests sexual activity to most any man, he's willing, probably eager, and more than likely thrilled. If most any man suggests the same to a woman, she'll say no, probably be offended, and very likely will decide that he's a shallow ...
A. 21 April 2011: Sex is actually not "great " per se. If the mere act of introducing some object in your vagina were a sorce of authomatic bliss, women would love their check -ups at the OB/GYN (they don't ) , would not dread being raped,and would interrupt meal ... (read in full...)
Is he hiding me from other people, or is he the one hiding something?
Q. hi i've been seeing my man for 9 months now but he wont tell his family about me or meet up with any of mine, including my older children who dont live with me. He's met my youngest whose still at home and they get on well together but wants to...
A. 20 April 2011: Uhm. If it were me, I'd buy his explanation up to a point- Let's say halfway- or one third.
Because, yes, it makes sense that he does not want to involve his parents yet. Having behind himself already two failed living together experiments, he p... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants my blessing to have sex with another guy!
Q. my girlfriend wants to have sex with another guy at a convention and wants my blessing. shes says its cool cause i will be allowwed a free pass too. why won't she understand that i only want to be with and should i see at her wanting to end things....
A. 20 April 2011: Yes , but you don't want a free pass, you would not know what to do with it, so what she is offering to you in change of your permission is worth zero to you.
You say she does not " understand "- impossible , she should be, pardon me, totally dumb... (read in full...)
Guys: Do you all want a younger woman?
Q. Guys, tell the truth, do you REALLY want a younger woman than the one you are with now? I am in a relationship with a man 15 years my senior. The other day I asked him if he woud date a woman in her 40s he said no, in her 30s he said no (even...
A. 20 April 2011: Not all men only want younger women.
For instance, I have never been with anybody much older than myself. All my partners have been around my age (maybe 2-3 years older ) or younger. I suppose there's a market for any age range and age diff... (read in full...)
I feel like some girls are out of my league, do girls ever feel this way too?
Q. ok, well lately ive been having more attractive girls flirt with me and stuff, but when i was 17 (20 now) i didnt really think i could get with very attractive girls. but now it seems like they are coming around more often, but sometimes i still ...
A. 20 April 2011: Yes, it's possible. Males can be insecure, and females can be insecure as well.
But ,more probably, they just expect you to be more proactive if you like them, rather than sit there and wait for pretty girls to flock at you.
I know I know- it... (read in full...)
Why is he behaving like this? Does he have low self esteem? Is he gay? Does he care about me?
Q. We have been in love for past 2 years and had not met each other.It was this month that we met .He seems smitten during the first meeting and in the second meeting insisted on sex.(we did have phone sex before several times and we were online ...
A. 20 April 2011: Do YOU have low self- esteem ?I suspect so. Otherwise, why would you let into your life someone who treats you with so much indifference and disrespect ?... (read in full...)
How can I tell her that I feel like my opinion is second class, and that I'm not trusted to be a good Dad the way I trust her to be a good Mom, without her feeling attacked?
Q. My wife and I just had our first child. She is beautiful, and I couldn't be more happy. When the sleep deprivation gets too intense, and all the work gets to be too much, my wife tends to snap. So many times, if I don't agree with her opinion...
A. 20 April 2011: My friend, be patient and let her be . It's like you are tryng to be sensible and open to dialogue ...with a tiger with a toothache. She does not want to be considerate of your feelings, she CAN'T ! Her hormones are still out of whack, making her ... (read in full...)
I really miss her! Should I contact her or should I wait a while longer and not ruin the work I've done to get over her?
Q. I’m taking a break from my closest friend because I fell in love with her. Taking a break was my idea and she wants to help me through this anyway she can and didn't suggest anything like a break to me. She sees me as a brother so I know that there ...
A. 20 April 2011: Basically you gave yourself good advice, keep following it :
keep yourself as busy as possible, give yourself time to let your pain fade away ,until you are ready to focus your romantic feelings on someone else ( possibly, someone who does not ... (read in full...)
Instead of talking about our problems he keeps breaking up with me!
Q. Okay so me and my boyfriend have been dating since november the 6th 2010 about 5-6 months now, and we've been through a lot. i suffered an unplanned pregnancy which resulted in me ressucitated on the operating table, ever since he stayed with me ...
A. 20 April 2011: Alas, time to throw the towel. Come on, be objective : you broke up 3 times in 5 months ! , does this sound normal to you ? On and off relationships never work, if you drag it on you'd just have more of the same and it will make you miserable. Some ... (read in full...)
Soulmates or should we not be together?
Q. We have been together for about 10 months now. The feeling and chemistry is very strong right from the beginning. Deep down, we just know that 'we belong together' but we can't just work it out. We are good to bring out the best in us, and also the ...
A. 20 April 2011: You call it being soulmates, psychology calls it an emotional disorder: emotional /affective addiction.
Like in any other addiction, when you are without her you miss and crave the high, the "feel good " sensations that you associate with her.... (read in full...)
How do I stop him doing this without hurting his ego?
Q. Basically, I love the guy I'm seeing, he's funny, charming and just lovely. But I have a problem, when it comes to 'getting to it' he is like really forceful, like when he plays with my breasts he squeezes them really tightly and if I'm honest i...
A. 19 April 2011: What do you say ?... you say : Ouch ! Stop it, that hurts.
Why is hurting your breasts preferable to hurting his ego ?! ... (read in full...)
Need help undestanding her?
Q. Alright so i got a really random as questions. When she broke up with me it was hell because i couldn't see where i went wrong and my friends and her friends couldn't either. I found out later it was because i was Clingy. I understand and took that ...
A. 19 April 2011: It was a complicated story and I am not sure I got it, anyway I'd say she is not pulling any stunt on you- She is your ex , she can write what she wants.
Probably it's all friendly , flirty banter and does not mean anything at all. Or maybe, she ... (read in full...)
What gives him the impression that I'm perfect?
Q. Several weeks ago, I registered in a dating site that's fairly popular among college students, graduates and working class professionals (bet 18-30 years old). I figured I give it a try considering I haven't had success finding a suitable mate ...
A. 19 April 2011: Maybe he is just good at schmoozing, some people are champions at that. And,it's easier to draw people to you complimenting them than finding flaws.
Anyway,I tend to agree with the female anon - if all these compliments don't get soon to an in p... (read in full...)
My parents think I am fat, should I just lose weight to shut them up?
Q. Hello everyone. I hope anyone out there can help me. Ok so i am 20 years old and am at University therefore i no longer live with my parents. I go to the gym almost every single day and work out, and swim, though in the last week i have slacked o...
A. 19 April 2011: Ok, let me play devil's advocate here so that these parents don't come off necessarily as heartless monsters :).
Just misguidedly apprehensive, or perfectionist.
So : providing that 125 at 5'4 IS within a healthy range and I am sure you look ver... (read in full...)
Why does he continue to pay for ex's child meanwhile we can't have a family?
Q. My husband was previously married and has been divorced for 4 years. He was married to a woman who had 2 children of her own and they had 1 child together. The children’s father also lives nearby and they see him or go to stay with him, although...
A. 18 April 2011: It may be a clause of their divorce agreement. Once it's written, signed and countersigned,yeah go convince a judge to cancel it- unless there is a permanent,dramatic reduction in your husband's income .
Even if it weren't so...,personally I li... (read in full...)
Why is love the only thing he's quit??
Q. Why is love the only thing my ex has ditched?? Ive been in a LDR for almost 3 years now and recently he broke up with me. He became depressed about life and what hes doing and became emotionless altogether. I used to talk to him everyday onl...
A. 18 April 2011: I understand that you may be sad and hurt, but- you sort of remind me of the old gag of the boyscout who helps old ladies to cross the street- and drags on, kicking and screaming, also the old lady that DOES NOT want to cross teh street.
You can'... (read in full...)
What would you think of this age difference?
Q. Please be as brutally honest as your thoughts might be. If you saw an 18yr old girl walking down the street holding hands with a grey haired 49yr old man what would you think? Thank you for your time xxx...
A. 18 April 2011: I'd think - poor kid. Missing out so much. Maybe she feels she is not good enough for someone in her age range. ... (read in full...)
Is it a waste of time to make things work with my older guy?
Q. So I'm in love with this guy 8 years older than me, we were gonna have sex last saturday but my mom wouldn't let me go out.. the thing is that im 16 and he's 24. I haven't told anyone but a few friends my status with this guy, I've given him head, ...
A. 18 April 2011: Oh ,he has feelings, has he ?
Ok. Let him prove it to you. By waiting patiently that you reach the age of consent - and by starting dating you regularly.
What does it mean , " you are sort of together " ? If you are not dating, you are not toge... (read in full...)
I feel horrible about masturbation. Is it wrong to do every day?
Q. So i'm 18 years old and i masturbate often. It ranges from 2 times a day every day to 3. I can't help but feel that i'm destroying my life every time i masturbate. I've been trying to reduce the amount of time i masturbate and to no avail, nothing. ...
A. 17 April 2011: You feel like you are the only one who does it..? LMAO! 97% of men masturbate - and 3% lie:) Maybe you mean, multiple times daily. Well, you might want to try again slowing down / skipping a day every now and then- just because it's never a go... (read in full...)
When I said I wanted to end the 'benefits' part, I didn't mean I didn't want to be friends!
Q. I recently decided that I did not want to be friends with benefits with this guy I've known for 5 years. The last time we saw each other we got into a little argument Here is what I said, after the argument: I am sorry about the other day, and...
A. 17 April 2011: Maybe I am being cynical, but I think it if you had told him, the result would not have changed.
With FWB, the benefits part it's the one that really counts, the friends part can be ditched very casually. Like, if you don't give benefits, your... (read in full...)
Just hitting my sexual peak now, I think. Should I go with younger women because of this?
Q. My body has always been late in everything to deal with the subject of sex. I lost my virginity when I was 17. The first time I ever masturbated was when I was 19. I didn't even hit puberty until I was 16. Whereas men typically hit their peak sexual ...
A. 17 April 2011: Then I am afraid you are visiting the wrong European countries.
I don't know about Ukraine and Poland, but I know Scandinavian countries and Scandinavian women. They are well known for being fiercely independent, not much family oriented, and not ... (read in full...)
I broke up with him because I didn't want to be someone that I'm not!
Q. okay, i was with this guy for 13 months and i'm completely in love with him. i broke up with him yesterday because he just wasn't the same as he used to be. he used to not get as mad as easily, now he loses his temper on little things and blows up ...
A. 17 April 2011: Yes, you did the right thing. You don't fit in each other life plans- and you have to perform sexual acts to get his attention. Two major roadblocks , this was not leading anywhere and dragging it on would have just brought you more grief.
As for ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is awful at oral sex!! How do I tell him this without hurting him??
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2years. i truely love him.but he's awful at oral sex. I don't know how to tell him this without hurting him. What should I do?...
A. 17 April 2011: Don't tell him "you are awful at oral sex ", but do tell him : let's try another way- faster, harder,softer, etc.etc,let's seek together what works best for ME.
I don't think there's such a thing as being absolutely good or absolutely bad in sex.... (read in full...)
How can I convince my mum that I’m not pregnant, and to let me back into my house?
Q. okay so my family is really strict christian and since my dad died last year my mum has been really strict and protective of me. so last week my mum started telling me that i looked really pale and that i was putting on weight. I took no notice of ...
A. 16 April 2011: Are you sure you can't possibly be pregnant ?....
What you say , it's very strange. Close to impossible, I'd say.
Some times you can get false negatives, because the test fails to detect an early level of Beta-HCG ( pregnancy hormones )- but v... (read in full...)
Ladies can you tell me why you hate porn or why you think other women hate it?
Q. Why do women hate porn so much? I agree that when it becomes an addiction, their is a problem. However why, when a guy watches porn only occasionally, and has sex at least once every 2 days? I mean, it's not an addiction but only to spend time. ...
A. 16 April 2011: She obviously feels she should be the only object of your desire and does not like other persons or things to give you an erection. To be precise , she knows that you are wired in a way which might make you meet something that's sexually ... (read in full...)
Why do men run away scared?
Q. what are you supposed to do in a situation where a man runs away scared because he likes you too much and is afraid of committing and getting hurt? this man came back after not talking for a month and not seeing each other for two months to me tell...
A. 16 April 2011: What are you supposed to do...? You are supposed to doubt his sincerity, and to avoid giving him the chance of stringing you along.
If someone really likes you " too much " he runs TO you, not from you, and he is not afraid of committment of gett... (read in full...)
Why would my ex say that?
Q. i dont get it hes my ex...what does he care ...so i give this guy thats my friend a cookie and he gives me a big and long hug...he is friends with my ex-boyfriend my ex-boyfriend got mad and said hey dud let her go your raping her why would he say ...
A. 16 April 2011: Don't read so much into that. It was most probably just a joke, he did not really get mad.... (read in full...)
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![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
