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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Am I wrong not to want to take my husbands child on our Holiday?
Q. A couple of years ago my husband and I went on holiday and took his child from a previous relationship with us. During the holiday my husband did absolutely nothing with the child and I ended up doing everything for him so it was no holiday for me. ...
A. 15 May 2011: Good for you,op, and this was exactly what I meant : you don't have to " punish " the child for something that 's not his fault, you just have to make your husband get off his lazy butt :)... (read in full...)
Does he not care any more? Should I try to mend fences, or is it too late after two months?
Q. Ok, I dated this guy for a few months. Things got off to a slow start, but then they started to pick up and I really thought that he liked me. Our last date was probably the best...but that's just it, it was the last one. We just stopped talk...
A. 12 May 2011: Have no regrets, darling. It's not something you did or omitted to do. I can't be totally sure based on that little you told us, but it sounds like a very frequent, common story.
You thought he liked you, and he DID : to some extent. He liked you ... (read in full...)
Other people have good relationships. How do I get over a relationship that I ruined, learn from my mistakes and move on?
Q. Over 5 years ago the relationship with my then girlfriend of 3 plus years ended very badly and I have still not been able to put it out of my mind and move on. Before I go on I would like to make it clear that I do not want to get back together with ...
A. 12 May 2011: I think so, OP.:) Exactly. "Up to your standards " does not mean as good,honest,intelligent, caring,baggage-free etc.etc. as you RATIONALLY think your perfect mate should be. It means the kind of woman that makes your heart beat fast and stirs ... (read in full...)
How not to be jealous and insecure when my wife works with a lot of single young men?
Q. My wife has a job in a male-dominated field. I would say it's about 85% men. It also tends to skew young. We are in our 40's, but most people she works with are 25-35. That means that the great majority of them are single or have girlfrie...
A. 12 May 2011: OP, thank you for your detailed explanations and update. Very helpful to understand your original post.
In my case, no, my fiance' was not jealous, he was often annoyed, yes , because my long working hours and rather whimsical scheduled inte... (read in full...)
Girlfriend gets upset if I don't call when I say I will
Q. My girlfriend of 8 months gets upset if I don’t call when I say I will. Sometimes I say I’m going to call, then something will come up or work will get busy. Then I call later. What’s the big deal?...
A. 11 May 2011: The big deal is that's RUDE.
And it shows flakiness- you can't be trusted to do what you say you'll do. Your words are empty.
There is an easy way to solve this problem. Don't tell her you'll call if you are not absolutely sure you will. Or... (read in full...)
My parents don't believe in my talent
Q. I need advice on how to deal with.....this struggle that I am going through. You see,I have had this very strong desire to become a multi talented artist. I want to sing,dance,act,write,draw,etc.I understand very clearly that it takes many years of...
A. 11 May 2011: Sweeatheart, unluckily Chigirl is right.
All you want is peace- to sit back and enjoy life as it comes. Did it every occur to you that this is a very expensive dream ? Peace is a luxury.
It's not your fault, of course, maybe it's our society'... (read in full...)
How not to be jealous and insecure when my wife works with a lot of single young men?
Q. My wife has a job in a male-dominated field. I would say it's about 85% men. It also tends to skew young. We are in our 40's, but most people she works with are 25-35. That means that the great majority of them are single or have girlfrie...
A. 11 May 2011: I am insanely curious what's your wife's field : clandestine bets ? I don't know of any snazzy dressed , yacht owning serious investor who'd entrust his money to a company whose people operate from their living rooms.
Be generous and pardon me t... (read in full...)
He broke my heart today. I feel alone and sad. How ever will I deal with this?
Q. My ex broke my heart about an hour ago. I ended up deleting him from everything, erasing all memories of him, basically pretending he never existed. but I'm so sad i feel so sad that he won't be there anymore. I can't just call or text him to say ...
A. 11 May 2011: Honey, I am twice your age , I got my heart broken a few times, and it always got glued together good as new, stronger and happier , in fact.
I am not even a particularly superficial person- I take things to heart. But, life has a way to go on, ... (read in full...)
How can I rebuild our relationship before her deadline is reached? I feel I walk on eggshells to please her.
Q. Good Afternoon Aunts. I hope you can help me as I do not know what to do. My Wife and I have been together 8 years, we have lovely children and a great life style. We also have argue often and have been in a very up and down cycle for a whil...
A. 11 May 2011: I am not gonna say your wife is right on principle just because she is a woman, and I admit there are many better ways to handle a situation like this than hers, but I can see where she is coming from.
Of course she wants to see if your chan... (read in full...)
Other people have good relationships. How do I get over a relationship that I ruined, learn from my mistakes and move on?
Q. Over 5 years ago the relationship with my then girlfriend of 3 plus years ended very badly and I have still not been able to put it out of my mind and move on. Before I go on I would like to make it clear that I do not want to get back together with ...
A. 11 May 2011: Because you haven't met anybody yet interesting enough to get your mind off the past.
You say : I have not fallen in love again and I don't think I will until I can come to grips with what I did.
This is possible, I can't sort it out.
B... (read in full...)
Will she put up with this and be patient? I failed the exam and now I am so worried I will lose my Gf over it/
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm 24 and my gf is 23.. The thing is recently i failed in my recent examination to get into my final year at my university.. It was really depressing and demoralizing as i have truly burnt the midnight oil for it..however slow...
A. 11 May 2011: You'll have to ask her; no use asking us, we can only make a guess- and not even an educate one, because we don't have background infos.
For instance, my instinctive response would be : of course she will wait for you ! If she loves you, why shou... (read in full...)
Does he not care any more? Should I try to mend fences, or is it too late after two months?
Q. Ok, I dated this guy for a few months. Things got off to a slow start, but then they started to pick up and I really thought that he liked me. Our last date was probably the best...but that's just it, it was the last one. We just stopped talk...
A. 11 May 2011: I would not waste my breath.
Everybody is " busy " in our society, and the truth is the busiest guy of them all will MAKE some time for you if he is really interested.
I also don't think that he after two months he has not approached you bec... (read in full...)
Why is he even with me?
Q. Ok so i ve been dealing with this one guy for about a year on and off,im 16 him 18. the whole time we have been attracted to each other. i mean off because we stopped talking for about 2 months, and when we restarted we were both happy about it. We ...
A. 11 May 2011: His deal is that he has found an easy ,convenient way to get some extra sexual stimulation , and why would he give up to that , unless he is forced. He even told you he has no feelings for you, so he's also OK with his conscience, it's not like ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong not to want to take my husbands child on our Holiday?
Q. A couple of years ago my husband and I went on holiday and took his child from a previous relationship with us. During the holiday my husband did absolutely nothing with the child and I ended up doing everything for him so it was no holiday for me. ...
A. 11 May 2011: I am a woman,but I think too she needs to " suck it up ".
That's precisely the reason why I always shunned like the plague men with kids. I know I don't have the patience and generosity to deal with other people's kids.
But you married a man wi... (read in full...)
I still love her. How can I be positive and get over the biggest break up in my life?
Q. to whoever wants to listen, this is going to be a bit of a long story, but for those who take the time and read it, I would appreciate your thoughts, especially from women readers. Back Story: Story begins with a girl and a boy. I, the boy...
A. 10 May 2011: By seeing reality as it is and things how they have happened, and not through the rose tinted glasses of lust and wishful thinking . Ah she would be so perfect for me if only....if only she were another all different person.
This is what she is .... (read in full...)
Why won't my GF let me go down on her?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now. We had sex for the first time about 3 months ago. (She has a 6 month rule, like Joan Clayton from the show Girlfriends.. lol) Anyways, I really like her alot, and she's the only girl ...
A. 10 May 2011: Why do you want her to change her mind ? Isn't that supposed to be mostly for her pleasure ? If she is not into it- then it's no pleasure.
I know it worked well on your exes, but... everybody is diffferent. Suppose that your gf used to plea... (read in full...)
Are Ovulation Tests a good option to know Contraceptives are working??
Q. So I posted yesterday asking about testing for contraceptive effectiveness, but I wrote it as if I was her, and got more lols than answers... Followup Question: Are Ovulation Tests a good option to test if the Hormone Contraceptive (My GF is ...
A. 10 May 2011: I don't think so. Ovulation tests are very useful when you want to MAKE a baby ,because they detect the days when there is a peak of LH hormones ( max. fertility ).
Why should your GF's hormone contracceptive NOT work ? The pill , if taken corr... (read in full...)
He acts interested, but breaks plans everytime we are suposed to hook up?
Q. I'm in my early 20's and found through dating lots of guys that most guys my own age aren't looking for relationships, but just for fun and casual dating, which is completely fine, but not for me. So I started dating men older than me, late 20's. I ...
A. 10 May 2011: Oldest trick in the book. In fact, some times they don't even do it to trick you on purpose, it's just an ingrained habit.
He is keeping you on the back burner, as an " option " , or a "just in case ". Everybody loves having a few " opti... (read in full...)
Should a guy really forgive a girl for being rude because she is on her period?
Q. Is a woman's cycle really a reason to forgive her sudden bitchiness? ...
A. 10 May 2011: No.
Only 2- 3 % of women experience OCCASIONALLY symptoms of psychological discomfort ( irritability, anxiety, sadness etc. ) so severe to actually impair their functioning in a social setting. The others, either don't act up at all, or if they... (read in full...)
Girlfriend and I broke up but are kinda in between dating and single now
Q. Hello, Today, i found out that my girlfriend got a job 6 hours away from where i live for the summer (2 months approx, 60 days). I've kinda known about this all along, but she always said she didn't know if she got a job yet, or if she was even ...
A. 10 May 2011: Only a little bit, my friend :) .
Only for making the usual mistake that everybody of us does : catching a leopard, then tryng to hold it by its tail whle you cancel its spots with an eraser. It's a frustrating, painful procedure- nothings gets... (read in full...)
Stunningly beautiful girl, 28, never had a relationship: red flag??
Q. Dear Aunts: I met this girl who seems real nice, sweet and down-to-earth from Europe (Poland). She seems to like me, flirts a hell of a lot, and I been thinking of asking her out. She is stunning, does some modeling, is here on a work visa. On...
A. 9 May 2011: It's 50/50.
Like some Aunts say, love is in large part a matter of draw of luck, you need to meet the right person at the right moment, and just being pretty does not guarantee that this can happen.
On the other hand, yes, being an Eastern ... (read in full...)
How can you take on more, when you are already overwhelmed with pain?
Q. I have a very complicated situation. I hope you can help. My life turned very challenging in the last year, and I don't know how to deal with things. Here is the short version of the story. I just lost my daughter, less than 1 year ago, from car...
A. 9 May 2011: It's a delicate matter. You are perfectly right , of course. In the death of a young person , there's something brutal, innatural, twisted, in the death of an old person- we all have to die , and she has lived more than most people.
Logical and ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend and I broke up but are kinda in between dating and single now
Q. Hello, Today, i found out that my girlfriend got a job 6 hours away from where i live for the summer (2 months approx, 60 days). I've kinda known about this all along, but she always said she didn't know if she got a job yet, or if she was even ...
A. 9 May 2011: I make allowances because you give your age as 16-17, and I suppose that at this age you can't reason differently but... oh please. If you want to work it out, work it out. Minus the drama and the ego trips.
Much ado for nothing.
She is gonna be... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to appear "pussy whipped" to his online friends and makes comments at my expense!
Q. This is a bit of a weird question. I want to know if I am being insecure of if something is amiss with this issue. My boyfriend plays games a lot as a way to escape. He has a close circle of online friends whom he speaks to a lot as he plays wi...
A. 9 May 2011: You say you respect his gaming passion, in practice you respect his addiction. Should you ?...
Or maybe, you are just a better , more tolerant person than average , - and than myself for sure.
Everybody has their own set of values, and as much as ... (read in full...)
I broke up with her over a co-worker but now I want her back!
Q. Im so bothered right now, I dont even know where to start. I recently had been dating my girlfriend for one year. I met her at work, I had my eyes set on her the first time I set my eyes on her. Now im not an athletic type of guy and def not no ...
A. 9 May 2011: As soon as I arrived to " she texts him while we were togethr " I said : ouch. No good. First, that's so rude, if she's on a date with you she is not supposed to text anybody, not even her sister ! Second, .. she was not that into you, - if she had ... (read in full...)
Do guys usually have an idea of how a girl's body would look like without clothes?
Q. Do guys usually have an idea of how a girl's body would look like without clothes? Or are they completely surprised when the clothes come off? I have an average body type, more so on the thin side. But I'm not lean and fit with muscles. Guys can...
A. 9 May 2011: Ah this is such an American problem. Move to Europe and you won't have it. Not that European guys like obese, flabby women, they don't . Yet they are not so obsessed with hard bodies and tight muscles, and actually think that women with the biceps ... (read in full...)
He loved me when he was married and now he's divorcing he doesn't seem to love me!
Q. Hi, I've been dating a married man for more than one year. He was never happy in his marriage and during our dating year, I gave him advice about how to protect himsel financially, etc. He is now divorcing his wife and going through a mediator. ...
A. 9 May 2011: I think you have been played.
Sure, it could be just a phase , going a bit crazy in the aftermath of his divorce, and catching up on the freddom and adventure he has been " missing out ".
But, what he said : I love you but I'll never fall in ... (read in full...)
I promised to stay with husband through thick and thin but I can't take his drinking anymore!
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost two years now. At the beginning of our marriage he was drunk all the time and very abusive, both physical and verbal. I promised to stand by his side through thick and thin, but lately I just feel like I ...
A. 9 May 2011: From here you can only go to divorce court. Your marriage was killed the first time he raised hands on you.
Sure, when you get married you give your word to stay for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, etc.etc.
And I suppose that if ... (read in full...)
What is "Masculine"? - A body language question
Q. Hello all, Allright guys. Amidst all the serious questions on relationships, dating, marriage, break-ups etc, I thought of giving you guys a breather. This is a sort of trivial question, but am sure it can make for a casual chat topic. I am a...
A. 9 May 2011: No, it's not a sign of homosexuality or even of a feminine
personality.
But, at least in Western body language, it's all but a sign of confidence and composure. In a man, anything that covers and blocks "access" to his pubic area betrays lack of ... (read in full...)
How can you take on more, when you are already overwhelmed with pain?
Q. I have a very complicated situation. I hope you can help. My life turned very challenging in the last year, and I don't know how to deal with things. Here is the short version of the story. I just lost my daughter, less than 1 year ago, from car...
A. 8 May 2011: Your husband's family is pressuring HIM and making HIM feel guilty. As long as they don't want YOU to take care of your mother in law, back off and let him deal with his family and his problem.
This is not as cold and callous as it may soun... (read in full...)
How can I fake being a virgin?
Q. hi there, my name is nancy and i was wondering if anyone has any ideas on how i can fake being a virgin. because i'm gettin married soon and it's a crime in my culture to have sex before marrige....
A. 8 May 2011: Some North African Muslim girls told me until few years ago women in your situation used to bathe the part in a solution of potassium alum powder and water - strongly astringent effect for several hours.
Now they got modern ,and buy on E-Ba... (read in full...)
My husband want to take a break from our rocky marriage by having sex with other women! And he says people do this all the time!!
Q. hey. im 25 years old and married. ive known my husband for 10 years, dating for 5, married for 3. we are going through a rocky patch. my husband has suggested we split for a week or two and have sex with someone else. i am worried though that he ...
A. 8 May 2011: No they don't. Your husband just wants to cheat on you and has found this excuse that he is doing it for the benefit of your marriage.
What a saint. What a hero. He'd do any sacrifice to help his marriage, even that of sticking it into some othe... (read in full...)
Late replies......
Q. My ex boyfriend and I got back into contact recently.When he came back on holidays, we hanged out twice. Once just the two of us and the other time with a friend.My feelings for him is still raw. I dont think he still loves me.We just hanged out as ...
A. 8 May 2011: Why do you this to yourself ,in fact. He is an ex ! Why do you contact him, why do you initiate chats on fb, why do you hang out as friends while you know that you still love him more than just as a friend ! It's like you were driving a hammer ... (read in full...)
He's abroad and fails to keep regular contact, should I keep trying?
Q. Hello there, just looking for a few opinions on how others may feel if they were in my situation. Will try and surmise briefly, though do want to give a bit of background first! I've been seeing a man for the last two months, quite intensely....
A. 8 May 2011: Op, I agree that's difficult, and also often useless putting an one-size-fits-all label on relationships. IMO, though, casual is not directly related to quantity of sex or quantity of time spent together, but more to the intent. You might have ... (read in full...)
Why am I so upset by this guy?
Q. A guy I used to be sort of "friends with benefits" with, and who I still like a lot, wants to sleep with me even though he now has a girlfriend. He's been with her for nearly 2 years but he's been coming on to me for about a year and a half. We he ...
A. 8 May 2011: You are supposed to say : "You are correct, I don't want you anymore ".
Why is he even with his girkfriend if he wants other women ?...
I have a better question for you : Why were you even having sex with him,when you know he has a girlfrie... (read in full...)
I need a solution. I'm having an affair with my sister-in-law and don't know how to stop.
Q. So here it goes. I am a married man and have a beautiful loving and caring wife and six months old son too. She loves me a lot and usually we talk over phone for hours in the night before going to bed (Since from last three months I am out of town). ...
A. 7 May 2011: OP, the only one who is talking bullshit, excuse me but it's you.
You love so much your beautiful wife - that you are cheating on her with her own sister. Congratulations, that's an excellent proof of love !
And you don't want to have sex with... (read in full...)
He won't commit but I want to build a life with him, what can I do?
Q. I have been in a relationship (with a mini-break 2 years ago) for 6 years and I love him dearly. I get really frustrated that he wont move forward and commit (ie live together properly) and I voice this to him occasionally. He simply answers he's ...
A. 7 May 2011: Tell him that if wants more happy times, he could go check a bar at happy hour, they'll give him two Margaritas for the price of one.This guy is stringing you along and has no intention to get closer or to live with you. Oh come on, he had 6 ... (read in full...)
He's abroad and fails to keep regular contact, should I keep trying?
Q. Hello there, just looking for a few opinions on how others may feel if they were in my situation. Will try and surmise briefly, though do want to give a bit of background first! I've been seeing a man for the last two months, quite intensely....
A. 7 May 2011: You require communication, and he requires to be left in peace. How would you bridge this gap in communication needs in the future ?
A few texts and an e-mail in just 5 days , from a guy whom you are dating casually and met only 2 months ago, soun... (read in full...)
I'm 37 and scared that the man and the children aren't going to happen for me!
Q. I'm newly single, very upset about it but enough is enough after he cheated one night and I won't tolerate cheating so I am moving on. I worry though as I'm 37 and really hope to meet someone and have a child. I don't have any yet, circumstanc...
A. 7 May 2011: Never say never and 37 is too early to despair. A friend of mine had her first born at 47. A relative of mine was surprised by her last baby at 51.
Said that, don't obsess. There's life without children, and happiness is not about repr... (read in full...)
I want to live in Spain but its next to impossible and its breaking my heart!
Q. This isn't a relationship question but my heart is breaking, so it might as well be. I'm an American but I'm in love with Spain and have my heart set on going there to live. I'm not putting USA down, but I've never identified with the culture...
A. 7 May 2011: OP, as a side note, Europe discriminates against American wanna-be workers no more and no less than USA "discriminates " against European workers. When I lived there, in my circle of friends we were all foreign newspaper correspondents, ... (read in full...)
I gave her oral but she didn't reciprocate
Q. I just recently just performed oral sex on my girlfriend yet she didn't return the favour. She always txts me that she does want to but she didn't. I didn't want to tell her about it since she'll just do it out of pity which I don't want. I'm just ...
A. 7 May 2011: Maybe she just did not think of it. It's not like there is an etiquette manual which says : the gentleman goes first and performs oral sex on the lady for at least 115 minutes ; then it's the lady's turn for mandatory reciprocation . Sex thri... (read in full...)
I have a few relationship/sex questions.
Q. Hey, this is a question for the girls (and guys, whatever) does size really matter? and Is there such a thing as too big or too small? and What would you rather have: poor relationship, great sex or great relationship, poor sex?...
A. 7 May 2011: No, size does not matter. In fact, for more women than you'd think, you might as well be born without a penis, since they only climax through clitoral stimulation anyway.
Yes, there is something like too big. Maybe not so big to make sex impo... (read in full...)
Married man cares about me or does he only want some action?
Q. Hey all. Me and this married man have become friends. We are both married and we both know we are sexually attracted to each other. He seems to want to talk to me and be around me all the time and we have connected emotionally. We are both ...
A. 7 May 2011: Yes, they are all the same, yawn.
Because a decent , honourable men in a truly unhappy marriage, first would officially and openly end the marriage THEN would come after you. ... (read in full...)
How can you take on more, when you are already overwhelmed with pain?
Q. I have a very complicated situation. I hope you can help. My life turned very challenging in the last year, and I don't know how to deal with things. Here is the short version of the story. I just lost my daughter, less than 1 year ago, from car...
A. 6 May 2011: I'd stick to my guns, and listen caredully to the counselor. Conflicting with reality ?... reality is how you make it, and your reality at this time is : sorry guys, fuck you all. Got bigger stuff going on right now;first things first.
My h... (read in full...)
Why am I so upset by this guy?
Q. A guy I used to be sort of "friends with benefits" with, and who I still like a lot, wants to sleep with me even though he now has a girlfriend. He's been with her for nearly 2 years but he's been coming on to me for about a year and a half. We he ...
A. 6 May 2011: You get out of it by stopping being passing aggressive and , instead of telling him " I can't " , "I am busy," you tell him, " I don't want to come over , and I don't want you to come over. I am not interested anymore, no point in contacting me ... (read in full...)
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