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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I really want to use lube, but I can't get it. Alternatives? How to buy? Where to hide?
Q. Hey I'm 18 and I think spit just doesn't work enough. I guess I just want to try lube to know how it feels like because i'm quite sure it must feel a lot better (certainly since i have a tight foreskin) (i'm talking to use lube just for masturb...
A. 13 June 2011: What chemicals, Shadows ? I am talking about all natural vegetal hand made products ,with no colorants and no conservants. In my country- and I guess in most of Europe - there are - legal and certified - laboratories and chemists where you can ... (read in full...)
Why would she behave this way???
Q. I have always had trouble finding a lady friend but finally met someone through a friend at work. On our first date we went for a meal and it went realy well, so I asked if she would like to meet again and she said she would. On our second date we ...
A. 13 June 2011: No, - it may be that she had to go to the loo very badly and was uncomfortable telling it right away- some people are very self conscious about their bodily functions.
But,the way a female urethra is positioned, she just cannot have wet the ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend claims she got an STD from a towel or mat from her yoga class!! Is that really possible or is it more likely that she cheated on me?
Q. My girlfriend had a vaginal discharge for some time which worried her greatly. She was worried she had some sort of cancer. We had not been sexually active in quite some time (more than a year). She went to the doctor and she diagnosed her with tri...
A. 13 June 2011: Uhm. Highly suspicious.
In theory, trichomoniasis COULD be transmitted also through toilet seats,or towels etc., - simply there have no been studies extensive enough or consistent enough to confirm or deny this 100%.
So, I guess you should g... (read in full...)
I really want to use lube, but I can't get it. Alternatives? How to buy? Where to hide?
Q. Hey I'm 18 and I think spit just doesn't work enough. I guess I just want to try lube to know how it feels like because i'm quite sure it must feel a lot better (certainly since i have a tight foreskin) (i'm talking to use lube just for masturb...
A. 13 June 2011: Go to a herbalist's shop and get aloe vera gel or flax seed gel, or (ask them ) any other natural hypoallergenic skin moisturizer. Then you don't need to hide it... everybody is entitled to have dry ,sensitive skin :) ... (read in full...)
Could a married man be my soulmate?
Q. I have a bit of a strange question to ask. Basically my best friend is married, we are extremely close and so relaxed around one another. Sometimes its like we are the same person, it gets scary at times. We competly understand one another, whilst ...
A. 13 June 2011: Well,no. Not in a romantic sense. If he had been your soulmate in that sense, he would have married you , not his wife.
The are people though with whom we are extremely compatible, intellectually and personalitywise, and that in time brings to a... (read in full...)
My on again off again love wants me to meet him and the lady he lives with. Should I?
Q. I need some help and I've exhausted my friends who have no answers. This is long and for that I apologise. I meet this great guy online over a year ago (end of Dec '09). He's relocated to my country, but is from overseas. We have a f...
A. 12 June 2011: This is easy : DECLINE.
He is chronically unemployed and "stuck" playing fiancee' with a woman who supports him financially = gigolo, user , liar and cheater.
Add serious drinking problem and depression issues.
Plus , he's not that into yo... (read in full...)
We aren't together but my ex gets jealous
Q. Making a terribly long story short... I'm still in love with my ex. We are taking an indefinite break because he is working on some personal issues right now which I completely understand. What I don't get is... we agreed we aren't 'together...
A. 12 June 2011: Typical dog in the manger syndrome. he does not want you but does not want other guys to have you.
Frankly I am very skeptical about people breaking up "to work on their issues " , particuarly at your age. If you love somebody, you'll want to b... (read in full...)
Everything I try to do just falls apart
Q. OK so things have usually gone pretty well for me and things have come relatively easy for me all of my life... until now. Lately it is like i am under some kind bad luck spell, because everything I try to do just keeps falling apart. My ...
A. 12 June 2011: You HAD good things come to you .
You've got kids, normal healthy kids that suddenly got lippy because at a certain age all kids get lippy. You have acquired skills and competences which allowed you to hold a job and will allow you to get anot... (read in full...)
28 years later and I want to know what her sexual past was
Q. hi i have been married to a wonderful woman for 28 years. i met her when she was 16 and i was 20. i was with prostitutes from 18 till before i met her. i could not have sex with girls i went to school with and take what did not belong to me,so i ...
A. 12 June 2011: Why should she have waited for you ? you were broken up, how was she going to know that in 18 months you would have changed your mind and wanted her back ?
In that year and a half that you were out of her life she moved on and had some sexu... (read in full...)
Did my ex put "I love you" in code in case another girl was with him?
Q. so my boyfriend and me broke up thursday i think, andi broke up with him. we have been texting trying to work things out i asked him if he was gonna move on and he said no he didnt wont to. so we was texting and he stoped texting me at 9:15pm a...
A. 12 June 2011: And if he had had another girl beside him, would have he been texting to you for about one hour fifteen without her noticing or saying anything ?! Woudn't she have gotten mad, or up and left, even without having to read I LOVE YOU spelled out ?
... (read in full...)
I just can't last in the missionairy position
Q. Hello everyone..i have a quite weird problem here..its about sex positions..when im having sex with a girl doggystyle or shes on top or any other position..my performance is really good and i cant last long enough to make her cum..but as soon as we ...
A. 12 June 2011: My guess ( just a guess, mind you ) is that you are going too fast and furious. You don't need quick,deep thrusts to make missionary enjoyable. Insert your penis slowly just half way- withdraw it slowly nearly all out- insert slooowly again. Go ... (read in full...)
Should I take my 11 year old to a psychologist?
Q. My 11 year-old son seems sad these days. Last night he was crying at a family party even though he had some friends over too. When I asked him what was wrong, he replied that he hated school. This strikes me as odd for a Saturday night near the end ...
A. 12 June 2011: It can't hurt.
But first , try to get him to open up with you, with tact and patience . If he is so anxious about school, and there are no major stress factors in his life ( parents' divorce, relocation, a new sibling,etc. ) maybe something is g... (read in full...)
When I'm drunk I get violent
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we live together and we're very happy, but when i go out and get drunk i am violent towards him. I dont know why, im not at all like that when soba and there is nothing wrong with us. He has stuck by me and ...
A. 12 June 2011: Forget about what your boyfriend wants. If you are the kind of person that becames violent under the influence of alcohol, and if this a recurring ,sort of predictable occurrence, not just a one off, totally out of character incident, it means ... (read in full...)
I'm concerned that fiance may not be strongly attracted to me
Q. I'm engaged to be married in a couple months, but I'm concerned that my fiance might not be strongly attracted to me sexually. When I've asked her, she says she is very attracted to me, but she only wants sex 1-2 times per week (she's mid 30s, ...
A. 12 June 2011: This is your insecurity speaking.
2 times a week, for a woman that's in her mid 30s and probably also has a job, errands and chores,social obligations etc.,sounds pretty normal to me, it's not like she is frigid or avoiding sex on purpose.
So... (read in full...)
Any Christians who date people of other faiths?
Q. Theres this girl who I've known since I was 12 or 13 and her parents are good family friends with my parents. A coupe of mths ago things just seemed go really well between the two of us. However, we recently had a talk about whether we wanted to ...
A. 11 June 2011: I am a Buddhist too.
As I am sure you know, Buddhism is called the "religion without God " because we don't believe in the existence of a transcendent entity outside of yourself who's gonna say you do this you do that. A Buddhist strives to r... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants to meet my friends, but I am aprehensive about this. What should I do?
Q. Hey everyone. So lately my boyfriend has brought it to my attention that we never hang out with my friends and that he doesn't really even know them or my family. Which is true. We've been together for 4 months and the only friend that he's...
A. 11 June 2011: Well, yes, how could he not be affected . I mean, I understand that you don't want to formally introduce him to your parents yet because that would put a premature , official spin on a fresh new relationship, but your friends ? ... What's the big ... (read in full...)
Why did ex keep me around. having someone else already
Q. My bf of 2 yrs broke up with me late april... after we took some time apart in late march so he can make a decision ..if he was able to stay with me and try to forget my past which really bothered him... he would put me down so much and call me ...
A. 11 June 2011: Wait a minute, he did not look for you "so much ". You had sex 3 times in two months, that's what the extent of his love boils down.
Why did he do that ? Because lots and lots of people like having an "option " , a plan B. Someone who is comp... (read in full...)
Is there a reason for this?
Q. Hey everyone! This seems like a awkward question.. but I honestly don't know the answer or if there even is one! Anyway, I have had sex before and I never bleed or anything like that, does that mean nothing was really broken and Im still a virgin? ...
A. 11 June 2011: Totally normal . In fact, there is a relevant percentage of women that do not bleed at defloration. Your hymen may have been broken long time ago because of sports or child play, and you don't remember. You may have had what is called a ... (read in full...)
My friend is sending money overseas to a girl he never met, but he doesn't know that I know. Help!
Q. i need major help. im close friends with a guy and im worried for him. the other day he asked me to send an email for him on his account and while i was there i saw some emails i probably shouldnt have but in a way glad i did. he's been crazy about ...
A. 11 June 2011: First of all,I'd think long and hard if I really need a friend who lies to me and siphons off my money to spoil his objects of love. This does not sound to me what a true friend would do.
From a practical point of view, there's not much you can ... (read in full...)
Is it bad that I don't want to be around anyone but my boyfriend?
Q. Hello Agony aunts and uncles! I have a quick question for you all. I have noticed lately that I don't have any real friends outside of school. The only person I do hang out with is my Boyfriend, and I'm fine with that because he's the only person ...
A. 11 June 2011: Very bad. Boyfriends come and go , what will you do if you and your boyfriend part ways ? Will you go to all that people that you have neglected or ignored for months or years and say " hey here I am, let's be friends now that it's convenient to me ... (read in full...)
I was dismissed on my placement for being to sensitive and upset!
Q. Is it discrimination if you get fired from a job or a placement because of being too sensitive and getting upset easily? I was on a work placement, which was voluntary, as I was put on it through a training course i am on to help get me back into ...
A. 11 June 2011: I am surprised that you are surprised, your boss handled the matter in the only way she could have handled it. It is normal for a new employee to make mistakes, and it is also normal that the employee is able to take in the right spirit the ... (read in full...)
Is it true that it's a woman's right to change her mind--or is she just being bloody rude??
Q. Got into a row with my girlfriend of several months after she canceled on me for the third time in a row, calling a couple of hours before. She said she had things to do. I asked for more details and she said she didnt want to get into it. I got ...
A. 11 June 2011: I am a sort of fundamentalist of etiquette in these cases, I don't even admit that a woman ( or a man ) has the right to change her/his mind. An appointment is an appointment, a promise is a promise,a committment is a commitment, and if in lack of ... (read in full...)
How do I get through the next 3 months?
Q. Hey all, i really need some advice, my partner of 4 and a half months left 2 days ago to stay with his father for 3 months to work.(were both 21 by the way) me and him are used to the distance as we live 85 miles apart as it is and go anything...
A. 10 June 2011: So ?... Take a bus, or a train, and meet halfway some weekend. Or, failing everything else... exchange letters. By regular mail. Old fashioned, but intimate , very romantic and makes lovely mementos:)... (read in full...)
I'm 21 but my parents wont let me go anywhere, I'm dreading asking to stay over at my boyfriends house! Help!
Q. I'm 21 and my new boyfriend is 23. We both are living at home with our parents. I have never stayed or been allowed to stay over at a boyfriend's house. My boyfriend wants me to ask to his after a late night concert.(I don't drive for health ...
A. 10 June 2011: I think dmartin89 is right : their house, their rules.
Necessary disclaimer : I am a very laid back parent who would not dream of interfering in the sexual/social life of a 21 y.o. daughter, same as I do not interfere in that of my 21 y.o. son.... (read in full...)
I fancy his personality, not his looks. Is that shallow?
Q. i really like this boy at college, and i no he likes me too as hes told me, we flirt all the time and we recently went on a residential trip with college and we was together all the time, everyone noes we like each other and asking why we are not ...
A. 10 June 2011: I am with Oscar Wilde on this " It's only shallow people who do NOT judge from appearances " :)
But, suppose you ARE shallow. It is what it is. What are you going to do, slip in bed with a man you are not attracted to , or maybe find repu... (read in full...)
Can a 20 year age difference really make him feel that insecure?
Q. I have had a friend for over 8 years now. There has always been an attraction between us we have never acted on it. We never really discussed age etc it was never an issue. I knew he was older than me (he is a young looking active attractive man)but ...
A. 10 June 2011: I think EVERYBODY would/should be concerned about a 20 years age difference . Some people decide that the pros in the relationship outweigh the cons ( age difference ) and some don't- it's a very individual decision .
It's a platitude to say ... (read in full...)
Problems after knowing that girlfriend lied about her virginity.
Q. It goes like that.. I have always been hearing rumors about my girlfriend being a slut and having sex with her 3 year ex. I did asked her in the start and she claimed to be a virgin, and of course I trusted her. Well, talking about the 3 year ex ...
A. 10 June 2011: You said you forgave her, but apparently you did not.
Not that you were obliged to forgive her . In fact, if you highly value virginity and sincerity, then we have two big dealbreakers : she was not a virgin, and she lied to you. ( Yes, I am n... (read in full...)
Sometimes his friends' jokes seem mean and snobby!
Q. Hello:) Right, I really need advice about what to do or how to act on a certain situation. I'm 17, and my boyfriend is 19 although he looks about 17 because he's not the tallest and quite skinny. When I first met him I assumed he was around my ag...
A. 10 June 2011: Maybe he does, maybe he does not- anyway, let him handle it.
It's very sweet that you have this strong protective instinct toward your bf , and you want to avoid his feeling are hurt or his ego bruised. Deep down, every lover is also a mother , a ... (read in full...)
Haven't even been on their first date yet and they're already in love!
Q. What is going on with my friend? Lets call her A. A recently broke up with her boyfriend of 3 months. Lets call him B. Apperently A dumped B, but i don't know why. About two weeks later, she was asked out by this guy (C) that she liked before but ...
A. 10 June 2011: They are 14 :) .
At 14 " She's got nice blue eyes "= I love her, " He's got really cool new sneakers "= I love him.
You sound more mature , rational and sensible than your friend, and that's an excellent thing, but... don't be surprised , genera... (read in full...)
My ex wants me back, but friends and family are against
Q. my ex asked me back out (we split last time cause of distance) the only thing stopping me this time is my friend and family.. last time my friends thought it was stupid and my mum wasnt sure on the idea of a boyfriend so far away. what sould i do? ...
A. 10 June 2011: Forget for a sec about friends and family- last time YOU weren't happy either, because of the distance, apparently a LDR was not working for you ( which does not surprise me, since I think that at your age you don't have the time, means and ... (read in full...)
I just found out he married me so he'd have a caregiver in his old age
Q. I just need some advice. I am married to my husband who is almost 28 years older than me. Dont think other things, i do love my husband very much. We dont have child, but i do 2 from the first relationship and he got one from his first marriage. We ...
A. 10 June 2011: Are you sure you haven't misunderstood or overreacted ?
Every phrase takes a different meaning according to its context.
Saying " I am so glad knowing that I can count on my younger wife for help and support in my old age " is very differen... (read in full...)
What was the point in doing the right thing?
Q. When my ex betrayed me and dumped me callously for no reason, he somehow managed to turn everyone against me aswell. I don't know how he did it. I was shocked and devasted when we brokeup, it was completely out of the blue. I thought these people ...
A. 9 June 2011: You mean if you tell them how you felt about them not being there for you after the break up ?
Uhm... not sure it's a good idea.
Sure, you'd get things off your chest, you'd feel better and maybe you'd be able to move on faster.
But, if you ... (read in full...)
I want to move out from my parents go to Canada, but what do I do if my request visa is rejected?
Q. I know this isn't the place to be asking this but I need some help and advice. Please read, I know its long but Id very much appreciate as much input as possible. Im 21 years old and I couldnt be more lost in life. For years Ive put up with an a...
A. 9 June 2011: I am a bit confused, how is it that you have to go to Canada to get rid of your parents, couldn't you do that simply moving out and relocating to another town / neighborhood / street ?
Do you have a job lined up for you in Canada, or would you ... (read in full...)
He cancelled our trip and gave all the money to his ex for new clothes for his child! Do I mean nothing to him?
Q. My boyfriend planned a special weekend away together for us as my birthday present. Then his ex wife called and told him she wanted extra money (besides maintenance already paid and a few extras) to buy clothes for their child. Now this child does ...
A. 9 June 2011: I don't think you should have a say regarding this child's new clothes, it's only up to his parents to decide whether he really needs new clothes or not. By the same token, your bf could object you don't really "need " a vacation right now , you ... (read in full...)
Why did he tell me he was leaving her to come back to me, and then chose to stay with her?
Q. Hello, My question is, I'm confused about my x, we broke up about a year ago...we didn't see each other for the whole year, we were under strict rules not to, after the year was up he came right to me, told me how much he had missed me, loved...
A. 9 June 2011: I see from my followups that you posted this same question on May 16th, and you got 5 answers all of which saying the same thing : he acted this way because he was and is a moocher , a coward and a liar.
Now, don't get me wrong, you are welc... (read in full...)
How do I know if my feelings toward pregnancy are normal?
Q. I am 25 years old right now going to be 26 years old this year, All 4 of my Best friends have Kids, and so i am a bit Confused about how i feel on wanting to have Kids, I feel scared when i think of me being Pregnant, I mean like i am confused on if ...
A. 9 June 2011: Perfectly normal, and many women detain a tad of ambivalence about being pregnant- even during their pregnancy.
If you still feel more scared than enthusiastic at the thought of having a baby , don't rush and don't let your bf pressure you.... (read in full...)
Who's in charge of the baby, me or my parents?
Q. I'm 16 years old and have a 2 month old son, me and his father are still together. My parents act like the baby is theirs and like they can make decisions that pertain to him. I'm very responsible and I do everything for my son, my boyfriend (his ...
A. 9 June 2011: I forgot something in my previous post .
It's normal that your parents have doubts about your capability of being responsible. Don't take it too personally, and don't take it in the wrong way.
Eleven months ago you made a very irrespon... (read in full...)
What could my parents do legally to my 19 year old boyfriend?
Q. I'm 15 years old 16 in a month, my boyfriend is 20. We had sex when he was 19. I got pregnant but he's been by my side through it all, my parents knew his age and never complained. Until recently when we told them that he will soon be getting a ...
A. 9 June 2011: They can send him to the slammer in no time. Don't try your parents' patience and don't push your luck.... (read in full...)
Why the different reaction to the question of marriage?
Q. I just have a question about one of my boyfriends behaviors that baffles me: So we have been together for 5 years. We are both in university and will most likely have at least another 3 years left. We have talked about marriage before, saying that ...
A. 9 June 2011: He is telling the truth : since you have at least 3 more years to go before being able to think about marriage , he does not want to get married for a long time.
And since it's very likely, but far from certain, settled or planned, that you two ... (read in full...)
Having a booty call with friend's off and on boyfriend
Q. Ok so heres the situation. I met one of my best friends through work about 2 years ago. We hated each other at first, but last summer we grew very close. And now we are closer than any of my other friends. We talk every day and I love her to no end. ...
A. 9 June 2011: Ok, I'll skip the lecture about the value of friendship and loyalty,( even if clearly you could do with a brush up about these concepts ) and I'll tackle the problem from a different angle.
He is trying to work things out with her- but wants to c... (read in full...)
We get along great when we're free of the bf/gf title.
Q. So, I was dating this guy we will call X. X and I were very much engrossed in one another throughout our relationship. We were always hanging off of each others every word (and each others faces) and never stopped talking even though it was a long ...
A. 9 June 2011: How do you know that if it weren't for the distance you'd work amazingly ? You'd still have the personal issues, to contend with.
And anyway, it's like you were saying , if I were 6'4" tall, I could be a basketball champion. Perhaps. But you ... (read in full...)
She doesn't give me oral - Is she really a lesbian?
Q. I'm dating a girl who doesn't like to give oral. The basic thing to like and love in a lesbian relationship. Is it possible to still be a lesbian and not like to give oral to your partner?...
A. 9 June 2011: I only know that by hearsay , but a friend of mine who is homosexual had the same problem with her ex,who was a very femme ( or maybe just very lazy, lol ) woman who loved receiving but only reciprocated occasionally and out of a sense of duty. ... (read in full...)
Who's in charge of the baby, me or my parents?
Q. I'm 16 years old and have a 2 month old son, me and his father are still together. My parents act like the baby is theirs and like they can make decisions that pertain to him. I'm very responsible and I do everything for my son, my boyfriend (his ...
A. 9 June 2011: Are you living under your parent's roof ? Are you paying a regular rent for the accomodation ? You say your boyfriend supports you, but does this also mean he splits with your parents the cost of : gas , electricity, heating, water, home ... (read in full...)
What was the point in doing the right thing?
Q. When my ex betrayed me and dumped me callously for no reason, he somehow managed to turn everyone against me aswell. I don't know how he did it. I was shocked and devasted when we brokeup, it was completely out of the blue. I thought these people ...
A. 16 May 2011: From your examples it does not show they took his side.
The first girl said a politically correct platitude, as in theory everybody should take the moral high road and let the bygones be bygones, but, like you said, she never went through a simi... (read in full...)
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