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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How do I avoid dating a serial dater in the future?
Q. When you date someone it takes maybe a year for them to show their true selves. Everything in the beginning is just then putting on their good side, so they can get laid. I miss they way my ex was at the beginning of teh relatiosnhip, not the actu...
A. 2 July 2011: True. And unluckily people may turn around ,betray you and disappoint you even after years and years.
Very often though, the "change " is not sudden and out of character as we want to believe. We are very good at ignoring red flags and warn... (read in full...)
Do men or women have more one night stands?
Q. Has anyone done research about whether men or women are more likely to have one-night stands, flings, or other meaningless relationships? I am a man and I have never had a one night stand. None of the men I know well enough to ask about th...
A. 25 June 2011: Anon male, I don't quite get your point. Of course you are entitled to look for a "normal" non promiscuous wife or any kind of wife you like . If you don't like promiscuos girls, that's fine - I don't like man whores myself.
But the ques... (read in full...)
Do men or women have more one night stands?
Q. Has anyone done research about whether men or women are more likely to have one-night stands, flings, or other meaningless relationships? I am a man and I have never had a one night stand. None of the men I know well enough to ask about th...
A. 24 June 2011: Maybe I did not make myself clear enough:
If I ,as I am now and with the (life,not only sexual ) experience I have now, would decide to do something hazardous etc. - it would NOT be accidental. It WOULD be on purpose.
If I were a teenager... (read in full...)
Do men or women have more one night stands?
Q. Has anyone done research about whether men or women are more likely to have one-night stands, flings, or other meaningless relationships? I am a man and I have never had a one night stand. None of the men I know well enough to ask about th...
A. 23 June 2011: Don't be so sure about it , anon male, it is not so either / or. What you say makes sense, but remember that an addiction to wishful thinking is very powerful, and hard to dispose of. And for drawing upon experience, you first have to ... (read in full...)
The guy I was seeing never actually told me that he didn't want to see me any more, he just stopped contacting me! What should I do now?
Q. I'm not sure what to do about this guy i was seeing. He never actually told me that he didn't want to see me any more. He has just stopped contacting me. He did tell a couple of his friends that he thinks the world of me (if he feels that way, why...
A. 23 June 2011: Yes, his past relationship history would seem to confirm that he is not a relationshipy kind of guy. By choice or by necessity, anyway he got used to be by himself and I am sure he'll value his independence. Your humongous age difference explains ... (read in full...)
Do men or women have more one night stands?
Q. Has anyone done research about whether men or women are more likely to have one-night stands, flings, or other meaningless relationships? I am a man and I have never had a one night stand. None of the men I know well enough to ask about th...
A. 23 June 2011: I agree with sexlessintheuk.
It's not that women are more appreciative of one nighters than men,au contraire ; it's just that they, especially if young and insecure, are much more likely to incur in unintentional one nighters , i.e. they assu... (read in full...)
After breaking up with me, my ex responded to an ad for a cougar party, which has fat, ugly women!! How do I get past this and come out on the other end? Do I email him or call him to see if he is ok, as I feel he has gone off the rails!
Q. I am hurt. Very hurt. After breaking up with someone 2 months ago after 3 years and 3 months of an on/off relationship (with no one else for either of us in the off time - the off's did not last long with him wanting to make things right each time) ...
A. 23 June 2011: Are you sure that this cougar party is going to be such a den of iniquity ?... Chances are that it's simply a rather lame social mixer at some fancy-ish bar for women over 40 and men 21 to 35. Still a pick up occasion ,but far from an orgy.
Y... (read in full...)
The guy I was seeing never actually told me that he didn't want to see me any more, he just stopped contacting me! What should I do now?
Q. I'm not sure what to do about this guy i was seeing. He never actually told me that he didn't want to see me any more. He has just stopped contacting me. He did tell a couple of his friends that he thinks the world of me (if he feels that way, why...
A. 22 June 2011: Sure it's possible. He can think the world of you ( as a person, nice personality, you treated him right, etc.etc. ) and just not "feel" you , not enough for dating you regularly.
No you haven't done anything wrong. Well I can't write it and ... (read in full...)
Girl I am dating drives me crazy by calling everyone "honey", "darling" and "baby"!!
Q. this may sound stupid but i cant help it that it is driving me crazy. this girl i am dating for 5 months is really getting to me because she calls people she knows casually things like "baby", "honey", "sweetheart", "love" and "darling"!! i'm ...
A. 22 June 2011: It's just a habit she has, I don't particularly like it either, but for some poeple is ingrained and totally harmless,don't read so much into it.
The first time I went to England, I went to a restaurant and , much to my surprise, the wait... (read in full...)
I have found out my step-daughter is a lesbian, what do I do now?
Q. Ijust found out my stepdaughter is a lesbian shes 16 and has a GF and apparently has had sexual relations with her. I have been married to my wife her mother for five years and im the legal father we all agreed to that her biological fathe...
A. 22 June 2011: It could be a transitional rebellious phase , as the rainbows and the dressing like a boy and stuff like that could mean. It's like she wants to draw attention on herself by her choices, and openly challenge you , and what's best to get on a ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should side with faith or reason. What is everyone's opinion?
Q. I met this woman when we were both in high school, somewhere around 15 years ago. She had the biggest crush on me. Throughout the years we've dated off and on, but never anything official or remotely serious. She was always madly in love with me, ...
A. 22 June 2011: She had been waiting for you for about 10 years, the first time , and she turned you dywn not because she did not like you but because she was fighting cancer.
Why can't you be patient too and wait some more for her ?...
Not wait undefini... (read in full...)
The guy I was seeing never actually told me that he didn't want to see me any more, he just stopped contacting me! What should I do now?
Q. I'm not sure what to do about this guy i was seeing. He never actually told me that he didn't want to see me any more. He has just stopped contacting me. He did tell a couple of his friends that he thinks the world of me (if he feels that way, why...
A. 22 June 2011: If you should get hold of him and corner him , 99 out of 100 he'd tell you " I don't have time for a relationship now ". Which is half truth half lie :
yes, it's true that with two jobs and
night shift too, he has few hours to himself ... (read in full...)
Do you believe in spanking your child?
Q. Do you believe in spanking your child? I've heard people say they believe in it and others believe that its wrong. Personally, i believe in it if they are out of control and have been warned repeatedly. Don't judge, it was how i was raised and my ...
A. 22 June 2011: @Justfriends : you sound like a nice young man, but there are many different factors in an education. Maybe you are nice EVEN IF you have been spanked, not BECAUSE.
I wish it were so simple, all the kids that get spanked become obedient, kind... (read in full...)
Is this a case of 'he's just not that into me'?
Q. We'd flirt etc online and he told me he liked me. I liked him a lot too. He lives in the UK and I'm in the US. One day I wrote him a nice long email explaining how I feel about him and really liked him. I hinted that I wanted to be in a relationship ...
A. 21 June 2011: He had already told you that he does not believe in LDRs, which are actually hard to handle and require a high level of effort and committment.
He may have been sincere in telling that he likes you . He probably does. But "like " is by no mean... (read in full...)
Angry boyfriend won't go to counceling even though he promised
Q. I love my boyfriend very much. We have only been together for about 7 months but spent close to everyday around the clock together the whole time so we are very close and very used to one another being there. I know I should have left him, many of ...
A. 21 June 2011: Sorry to hear this,OP, many wishes for a prompt recovery from all your wounds, both physical and psychological, and, maybe it's a dumb question but with battered women you never know ,- did you actually ditch him for good this time ? Are you ... (read in full...)
BF wants to keep engagement proposal on the DL with my family. What is going on here?
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years just proposed but is acting strange. He says he doesn't want a lot of attention and although his family knows, he is keeping it on the down low. He hasn't told any friends and it seems like he is avoiding my family....and ...
A. 21 June 2011: If he is keeping it sort of secret and you are not planning anything yet.... then you are not engaged.
An engament is about making public and known your intent to marry, and the intent needs to be backed up by actions, like i.e. choosing the ... (read in full...)
Do you believe in spanking your child?
Q. Do you believe in spanking your child? I've heard people say they believe in it and others believe that its wrong. Personally, i believe in it if they are out of control and have been warned repeatedly. Don't judge, it was how i was raised and my ...
A. 21 June 2011: With all due respect for my colleague Aunts and their parents, , so far I have never seen a parent doling out a good smack, just out of their olympically serene intention to instill the notion of right or wrong.
To tell you the truth , if ther... (read in full...)
How do I avoid dating a serial dater in the future?
Q. When you date someone it takes maybe a year for them to show their true selves. Everything in the beginning is just then putting on their good side, so they can get laid. I miss they way my ex was at the beginning of teh relatiosnhip, not the actu...
A. 21 June 2011: That's a strange way of seeing it.
You are loyal and honest because YOU are a loyal and honest person, regardless if other people has been ,or will be loyal and honest to you.
If you are not a thief, you don't steel. Even if you have been pic... (read in full...)
Pot Head GF choosing weed over me. What can I do?
Q. ok so ive been going out with my girlfriend for about 5 months now. she has a problem with smoking weed. it is to the point of addiction and don't tell me otherwise because ive seen it ruin peoples lives. i have talked to her three times about this ...
A. 21 June 2011: The thing that strikes me most from this post, is the fact that your Gf needs a special re-training program to get used to ..waking up at 7 a.m. ( not exactly the crack of dawn ). How come, didn't she ever go to school before ?
Anyway, it soun... (read in full...)
A view of retroactive jealousy
Q. There are many posts on this site about people tormented by retroactive jealousy. I would like to offer a perspective on its real causes and how to deal with it. For those who don't know, retroactive jealousy (RJ) is the feeling of intense envy ...
A. 21 June 2011: This is a very interesting , well written article, dear Shawncaff, and I'd love I could accept your premises as totally correct. I could empathize more with RJ sufferers if I were sure it stems from these noble, even moving motivations.
Unlu... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has broken his leg, I've been invited to a party and I'm wondering if I should go.
Q. Hi. My bf has just broken his leg. He is coming to stay with me this weekend. I have never been through anything like this before and although my bf is the least needy person I have ever met, I am struggling to cope with him being so unwell. He has ...
A. 20 June 2011: You do sound stressed. This is such a tempest in a teapot.
You have spent all weekend together, could you not just let him respect his Tuesday engagement and see him on Friday ? And if the problem is that you can't handle a four days sepa... (read in full...)
I know I should wait to have sex, but I think I'm ready.....is this the right choice?
Q. im 14 and like other teen girls i think about sex A LOT and i think im ready to have sex with my boyfriend but im scared of the pain or what could happen if we (Im) not carefull......you might think "oh all he wants is sex" not really i told him i ...
A. 20 June 2011: No, it's the wrong choice, for the reasons all the Aunts gave you - and also because you are under the age of consent. You are not even supposed to have sex.
Maybe your bf is a minor too, maybe he is your same age- but that would save his a** ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to put their friend before their girlfriend sometimes?
Q. Hi. My question is quite a general one. I have noticed sometimes that my bf puts his friends/friend before me. Is this normal or is this a sign of immaturity? There is one friend in particular, typically I dont get on with him, there is no love los...
A. 20 June 2011: If he does it "some times " , it's healthy and natural. As much as everybody yearns for intimacy and romance , we all need friends too. Not always it's easy balancing a love relationship and your friendships ,but you bf seems to be doing fine .
I... (read in full...)
I love him but he doesn't feel it can work
Q. we both are from same college,same department.I was very studious during college days. Even though we were in same class,i never knew him until our exam results got published. It was he who scored two marks more than me and pushed me back to secon...
A. 20 June 2011: I think that he loves you as a good friend, as someone who he can relate too intellectually, but, alas, not romantically.
But , even if I were wrong, ... what's the point in pursuing this guy and finding out his feelings ?
He told you : it can't... (read in full...)
To leave only to come back again
Q. I go to a university in chicago and im a junior in college. I am about to study abroad this spring and my boyfriend is going to study abroad this fall. We have been together for about a year now and see eachother regularly during the summer. Im ...
A. 20 June 2011: I agree with SVC.
Normally I am rather pessimistic about LDRs, but in your case it's a temporary separation, for an important reason, and with a set date for its ending. Totally doable,IMO.... (read in full...)
Disappointed in engagement ring, am I being selfish?
Q. I'm interested in your opinions. My boyfriend was engaged before he met me. He bought her a very beautiful $7000 ring, for which he spent all his savings on. The relationship failed and she returned the ring. After us being together for ov...
A. 20 June 2011: I think you have reasons to feel let down and no, it's not about being materialistic.
Mind you, I can also perfectly see his point, after what happened with his ex fiancee' it's normal he'd be a bit gun shy about spending on an engagement ring... (read in full...)
I don't want to meet his friends while I have a broken leg!
Q. I have been dating my partner for 3 months and he has invited me to a friends wedding in 3 weeks time. The problem I have is that 2 weeks ago I broke my leg in a cycling accident. I feel so embarrassed, My whole leg is in a cast and it's been ab...
A. 19 June 2011: I would not go, but not for the reasons you mention, which, sorry, I have a hard time to relate to.
Why should people stare at you ?? You just broke your leg !, you are not under investigation for murder or child abuse. And why would they star... (read in full...)
Do you believe in spanking your child?
Q. Do you believe in spanking your child? I've heard people say they believe in it and others believe that its wrong. Personally, i believe in it if they are out of control and have been warned repeatedly. Don't judge, it was how i was raised and my ...
A. 19 June 2011: Oh gosh.
There are tons of serious, reputable, extensive ,circumstantial reaserches by the most brilliant minds of modern pedagogy about the ultimate ineffectiveness and high damage potential of physical punishment .
Go read some Bettelhe... (read in full...)
I went to a strip club and my wife suspects. Should I come clean?
Q. I have been with my wife (dating and married) for 19 years now. We have had our ups and downs and during a down period (about 10 years into our relationship) I went to a strip club for the first time. I always had this bad idea about strip clubs an...
A. 19 June 2011: I don't understand how you can say you got a sexual outlet ( albet, in your mind " harmless " ) from the strip clubs and satisfied your urges, when then you say that nothing sexual ever went on.
Do you mean that you have an urge of ogling nake... (read in full...)
He's cancelling plans at the last minute. Can I trust him? We are dating but not official.
Q. We planned to hang out on friday this whole week, and even talked about it last thing on thursday night. He wanted me to go at 7 after his basketball game, i said i can make it at 8 or 9. He said thats fine. And friday afternoon he called and said i ...
A. 19 June 2011: I have a close-to-irrational distaste for people who cancels last minute and if it were for me they should be tarred, feathered and run out of town.
Also, for me to accept " family drama " as a valid reason to cancel, it'd better be a real dram... (read in full...)
Are my expectations too high?
Q. is this getting too serious. i am 20 yrs old never had a girlfriend ( i lie to some of my friends and tell them that i had some short relationships in the past) i am still a virgin (i lie about that to my close guy firneds as well). i am goo...
A. 19 June 2011: We should know what your expectations are to tell you if they sound unrealistic.
What exactly these girl are supposed to be or do so that you can be drawn to them ?
Also keep in mind that only being attracted to people that you feel way "superio... (read in full...)
Why do women care so much about men having a job?
Q. I am 39 and have never been able to get a job, so I have never been able to find love. And am still a virgin! Why do women care sooooooo much about this job thing? Why can't I be the one who does the housework and take the kids to school ect. ...
A. 19 June 2011: You could have MOVED. As millions of people from underdeveloped areas have done before you, and are still doing TODAY - and I am not necessarily talking about Third World countries.
The jobs do not " come " to you : you go after them.
Apparent... (read in full...)
Why do women care so much about men having a job?
Q. I am 39 and have never been able to get a job, so I have never been able to find love. And am still a virgin! Why do women care sooooooo much about this job thing? Why can't I be the one who does the housework and take the kids to school ect. ...
A. 19 June 2011: You are not a young man struggling to find your first job, or a man who is within jobs, temporarily unemployed.
You are a 39 years old guy who has never been able to get a job. Never in the last 20 years or so.
Pardon me but this would sound do... (read in full...)
Is kissing the girl you love is everything in a relationship?
Q. I love her so much.. But we have not kissed each other yet.. Now she is in abroad for study.. Before i couldn't ask her for kiss because i didn't want to hurt her feelings.. Just last night of the day she was leaving the place, i asked for k kiss, ...
A. 18 June 2011: Yes, you are right, don't even "ask" and just let it happen naturally when the moment is right... Don't make yourself crazy with so many mind trips, it's best to wait these 100 days and see how it goes when she comes back. In person things are ... (read in full...)
Should I change doctors? I'm disappointed in the way my doctor treats me
Q. I m diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. I have been a regular patient to my doctor who is always busy and have schedule which conflicts my working hours. One day he told me to get the ultrasound and blood tests done and see him after 5 days. But as i ...
A. 18 June 2011: If you are not satisfied with your doctor and your working hours are conflicting, yes probably you should change, after all the patient pays money for a service and this service should be to her satisfaction. BUT, for that to happen, a patient ... (read in full...)
My husband shows no love towards me
Q. Hello all, my husband have been treating me very bad he has hitted me a few times and called me names that is too awfull to mention. The thing is im not sure if i feel the same about him anymore, he treats me different towards other women. He will ...
A. 18 June 2011: What you are doing wrong, is staying with a man who has hit you already and threatens to do it again.
That's very wrong.
All the rest , the chair, the dirty chats, etc.etc, that's all blah blah blah, it's irrelevant, who cares how and why, whe... (read in full...)
Should I go to my middle school reunion in order to see a guy I like and risk being disappointed?
Q. there is a reunion for my middleschool coming up..one guy who is going i kind of have a crush on..i see him in the neighborhood at times but tend to avoid him if i don't look that great. I ran into him about a year ago where he was working..so we ...
A. 18 June 2011: Skip the middleschool reunion if you are not into it, and go to the bar on Thursday.
It would be different if you were excited about the reunion and looking forward to reconnecting with old friends and reminiscing about good old times, but it s... (read in full...)
For 4 years, I've been seeing a guy who has a gf, and I want more commitment. What should I do?
Q. i'm sort of seeing/sleeping w/ a guy that i think i'm in love w/ but the problem is he has a girlfriend for six years and we have been cheating on her for 4 years already. it has come to a point that that i almost broke it off w/ him but i really ...
A. 18 June 2011: Oh no, he would risk. People risk getting caught, and ruining their family ,after a 20 or 30 years marriage, for a bit of fun on the side ! When people start reasoning with their genitalia rather than with their brain, well, apparently genitalia ... (read in full...)
If he doesn't want me after so many years, why doesn't he just let me go?
Q. I am 46,divorced with grown up kids. I have been single for 6 years and I live on my own. 4 years ago I met a man online who was 6 years younger than me. We talked almost every night and he told me he was leaving his wife. The years rolled by,...
A. 18 June 2011: I wonder why YOU bother keeping in touch with him !
Since he has been so evidently feeding you bullshit, and you feel that too since you mention "lame excuses". Come on- 30 miles ?! That does not even qualify as LDR ! If you lived in LA or NY -pl... (read in full...)
Can open relationships ever work?
Q. right, so I am a bloke with a massive attraction to this girl. she gorgeous and smart and funny and lovely and SINGLE and SHE LIKES ME...well, you know that with those combination then she's gotta have a problem if shes still single, right? right. ...
A. 18 June 2011: If you'd be going into this with the unspoken hope that she'll screw around and after a while she'll choose you , -don't even go there. If that does not happen,( very probable since she clearly said she does not want it to happen ), you'll feel ... (read in full...)
Is kissing the girl you love is everything in a relationship?
Q. I love her so much.. But we have not kissed each other yet.. Now she is in abroad for study.. Before i couldn't ask her for kiss because i didn't want to hurt her feelings.. Just last night of the day she was leaving the place, i asked for k kiss, ...
A. 18 June 2011: So how's the situation now with this guy S: ? The one she is /was in love with ? Are they still together ? If she says no, how do you know for sure that she is not stringing along the both of you as she seems having being doing all along ?...
W... (read in full...)
Single mom, am I being too picky?
Q. I have a real issue with myself. I'm a 25 year old single parent of 1 child. I've recently split from a married guy and finnaly feel ready to move on and meet somebody new. I want to settle down, marry and have more children but I'm finding that guy...
A. 18 June 2011: No you are not picky. You have normal standards. The problem is that guys too have standards and a common one, right or wrong that it may be, is no previous kids and no ready made family. Don't take it personally. There's nothing wrong with having ... (read in full...)
Could this man 33 years older than me be interested in me?
Q. Do you think i should give this man a chance, if he wants to go out with me , despite the age difference ?. I am 27, and he is 60. He is a very kind person. I was seeing another man recently, and he didn't treat me very well sometimes. This man, who ...
A. 18 June 2011: Aw come on. You are just still smarting because your guy pulled a Houdini on you, and you are looking for a rebound and any attention from any male makes you feel better.
Nithing wrong with that, it's normal that you feel this way, but I am sure... (read in full...)
Is guy I am dating for 2 months moving too fast when he says he wants a wife, not a gf?
Q. 2 months old bf said he's looking for a wife ..not just a gf. Should I be worried?? We're both in our early 30's. Do you think he's moving too fast or he just knows what he wants in our relationship ? Please advice....
A. 18 June 2011: If he is in his early 30s he can definitely be tired of dating and wanting a wife.
If that wife should be you, - it is early to know that for sure after only 2 months.... (read in full...)
Why is he ignoring me one week, but nice to me another?
Q. Ok, to make this story short……I dated a guy long distance (Dallas-Houston) for about 7 months. We went on trips to Vegas and other places together and really enjoy each other’s company…….. Well last month, he told me, everyone was referring to me as ...
A. 17 June 2011: Since you are in your 30s, I think by now you are aware that " let's be friends " very often is simply a kind, diplomatic way to say " Sex was good, but now please back off ". It's a way of distancing yourself in a non-conflictual way. As such, it ... (read in full...)
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