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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is my boyfriend a pedophile for watching cartoon toddler porn?
Q. Is my boyfriend a pedophile for looking at cartoon porn depicting very young children? We've been going out for 6 months and since we've moved in together I've been secretly snooping on his laptop and have found many things that have disturbed me. ...
A. 27 June 2013: @asnon of June 27th : then I am afraid that your knowledge is incomplete.
In 2003 the Us Congress passed a law subjecting obscene depictions of fictional minors to the same legal standards as actual child pornography.
It's called 18 USC 1466... (read in full...)
Is it better to be indifferent to others?
Q. hello everyone ^.^ ogenki-desu ka? lol let me stop My friend told me this "The less you give a damn, the more people will give a damn," Basically he was telling me that I should just stop caring about other people and do my own thing sometim...
A. 21 April 2012: As always, it's a matter of finding balance. A middle course. No, it's not good to be indifferent and to stop caring as in " becoming cold or mean or totally self centered " , and it's not good either caring TOO MUCH as in depending from other ... (read in full...)
Why does he always let me contact him first?
Q. I ended a 2 month 'relationship' three weeks ago coz the guy didnt know if he wanted one or not. We didnt talk to start with as i was hurt by it even though i ended it. But in last two weeks we have been talking near enough everyday. The only thing ...
A. 21 April 2012: Because he does not want you to think that he is more interested than he actually is, and that he'd want to restart the relationship, as you very probably would if he were to initiate contact.
And because he likes you- up to a point. The poin... (read in full...)
How difficult is it living with someone who is unemployed?
Q. There is an older guy who really likes me and I really like him. We are waiting until I turn 18 of course. Unfortunately he is now unemployed, If things should work out, I am wondering what I'm really going to be up against if he still has no job. ...
A. 21 April 2012: What's your hurry ? At 18 you'd be too young anyway to go live with anybody , including an affluent professional, and you want to go live with a broke unemployed guy ? You'd be unnecessarily courting trouble. And if he has no job, would he expect ... (read in full...)
We have been dating for over a year but still no sex!
Q. So I'm 24 and have been dating a man that is older than me, he is 40. He is the best guy any girl can have we have a really great connection. We have been dating for a little over a year now but we havent made it "official" we don't believe in ...
A. 21 April 2012: Some people think ( or at least they pretend to think, because I don't know how much in good faith they can be ) that as long there is no actual intercourse, there's no real relationship, no obligations etc. All the rest is " having fun " or " ... (read in full...)
Heart Vs. Brain?
Q. Please tell me what should I do. I don’t really know what decision i should take since my heart and brain are battling. I have been dating with this guy for 2years. Then situations got really hard that we constantly fight. I always beg for his ...
A. 21 April 2012: At least 3 hours a day for conversation ? Isn't that rather high maintenance ? I think it would be quite an effort for most people.Most people don't have 3 hours a day every day to share among ALL the people in their life ( family, partner, ... (read in full...)
Why am I physically affectionate with people who don't mean that much to me but can't be the same flirty affectionate with my best friend?
Q. I'm a seventeen year old guy and my best friend is a sixteen year old girl who I get on with better than I do with my own family. We are really close; I trust her with pretty much everything - to be honest I'd rather live with her than with my own ...
A. 20 April 2012: You are not supposed to be flirty -affectionate, read : touchy-feely, with a platonic friend, if you want to keep the friendship. You don't have of course, to jump back as if bitten by a snake if she hugs you, but , if she is really JUST such a ... (read in full...)
Should I cry and beg after a breakup?
Q. I always go full NC and don't break NC. I always do the right thing yet it never makes remotely any difference at all. So should the next time I go through a breakup, should I cry and beg. Maybe then I'll get considered for a recon?...
A. 20 April 2012: I don't think so, I doubt it would work, if any it could push him away even more. Who wants a cryng ,out of control, desperate wretch ? It's not particularly endearing or attractive to someone who has just dumped you, ergo he's not your biggest fan ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my boyfriend because of his nosey aunt?
Q. My question is do I break up with him because I really can't stand his aunt? I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. I have decided to move in with him for 3 months while he does his internship out of state. My boyfriend's aunt...
A. 20 April 2012: Would you really leave a bf because he has a tiresome aunt ? Whom you see 8 times a year ?...Big overreaction.
Give her the benefir of doubt. Maybe the poor woman is just forgetful. Maybe she does not know what to talk about with you and she thin... (read in full...)
I really hate being the first born!
Q. I've always hated my birth order. As the first born your parents always rule you with an iron fist. But with the younger siblings they ALWAYS treat them differently no matter what. As the first you always have to be responsible and cautious. Yet ...
A. 19 April 2012: Yours is a very wide generalization, what you mention may happen in your family but it's not the general rule. It varies from family to family. Some times it's even the opposite, the first born gets the spotlight and is more fussed about than the ... (read in full...)
Is it alright for a married person to look up ex-boyfriend or girlfriends?
Q. Is it OK for a married person to lookup ex boyfriends or ex girlfriends? Our friend has been divorced for about 2 years now, and we're still friends with her since she was our friend before she married the POS loser. Anyway, she has been searchi...
A. 19 April 2012: For a married person I guess it's Ok to do anything at all with her spouse 's knowledge and permission,- if the only one ( the spouse ) who might have a say in that person 's decisions is Ok with them, where's the problem.
What I don't unde... (read in full...)
Why does my mother's voice irritate me so much?
Q. I love my mother. She's a wonderful person, and I'm glad she's around me, but only when she isn't talking. I hate my mother's voice, every time she opens her mouth and I hear her speak, I get this almost uncontrollable urge to hurt her. I've tried ...
A. 19 April 2012: I agree with Footh In My Mouth, please see a doctor.
Hypersensitivy and hyperreactivity to voices, or to one specific voice, most often is not as mild and benign as a " teenage thing " that you'll grow out of.
It is one of the main markers ... (read in full...)
I am having a really hard time adjustting to Americans.
Q. Ok so I know this is going to upset a few people and I am sorry but I really need some advice. So 4 months ago I was transferred from my office in Melbourne Australia to New York. I didn't really have a choice my work moved my role here so if ...
A. 18 April 2012: Relax, and give it time. New York's and New Yorkers' bark is way much worse than their bite :).
I had a sort of culture shock too , doing the transition from Italy to California to New York. In fact, the second part ( California- New York ) was ... (read in full...)
Should I give my B/f a chance and help improve himself or leave him as a 'lost cause'? Is bullying during his childhood a reason or excuse?
Q. I am at my wits end with my boyfriend at the moment. We have been together for just over a year and we get on well. We have met each other's family but he has problems with my side. He didn't greet my Mum when he came round until I told him to do...
A. 18 April 2012: It may perhaps be a reason, but surely not an excuse . Meaning that his upringing might explain his behaviour , but not justify it. What introversion has got to do with simple basic manners ? And why should it take such a long time to learn " ... (read in full...)
How do I dispell the untrue rumours that I was unfaithful? Should I go to the prom anyway?
Q. What can I do? My BF and I have been together 2 and 1/2 years. We are now seniors in high school. Our relationship has been very good but had decided to go our separate ways once we went away to college because we both know we need to meet oth...
A. 18 April 2012: Do no evil fear no evil. Go to the prom with whomever you want and have fun. You can't let silly rumors interfere with your enjoyment of life, and actually if you should " hide " from the prom ,THIS would sort of confirm the gossips , people would ... (read in full...)
Is he acting normal for a sex buddy?
Q. I have had this sex buddy for several months and he seems to be more affectionate these days. The other day we had sex and he had to rush off and apologized a couple of times and said he would try to come back by to spend time with me. He asks me if ...
A. 17 April 2012: I'd say very normal ,if he is not a total jerk. He's just coming out of your bed, and you have just ended sharing something very personal and intimate, how is he supposed to take his leave, by shaking your hand ? " Thanks, Miss Smith, it was a ... (read in full...)
How can you sustain a romantic relationship when the guy isn't into your looks, or is only attracted to you based on your personality?
Q. I've never been much of a romantic; I don't really believe in love at first sight, or soul mates, and far prefer my relationship to be based on practical criteria over emotions (we have common interests, we have good conversations, we have a similar ...
A. 17 April 2012: But making a guy fall in love with you because of your personality IS romantic- very romantic. Ever seen "Bridget Jones " or " I love shopping " ?:) The girl is just average, and she gets the cool ( and rich ! ) guy just because she is spunky, ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of feeling guilty for wanting sex all the time!
Q. Wife and I are in a nearly sexless relationship. We have two sets of twins that drive her near insanity, both work full time, and, obviously I want sex way more than she does. I masturbate a lot, but it's not the same as the real thing. She has ...
A. 17 April 2012: I take it that having sex often would not bother your back , and playing with the twins would ... Curious. Having lots of sex is strenuous physical activity too.. ... (read in full...)
Is this just a rough patch? Will things get better?
Q. Im a 20 year old mom of a 4 year old daughter. And in the past 4 years I have learned that I dont enjoy being a mom. I know that sound brutally honest but I cant help the way i feel. I love my daughter with all my heart dont get me wrong but Im not ...
A. 17 April 2012: That's positive, now you can take revenge - in a positive way, that won't hurt anybody .
You can take your " revenge " by becoming an incredibly good wise caring mum for your daughter, a mom that will be ten times better than your mom. You can ... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 17 April 2012: 12 times what your wife makes ? Problem solved, then. Supposing that your wife earns just a little, say 600 a month ?- your income combined is still about 8000 monthly. Call the company to install the damn water heater, and free your weekend for ... (read in full...)
Should I say happy birthday to my ex?
Q. My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month and a half ago. We had a long distance relationship and dated for about 2 months, but we've been friends for almost 2 years. The break up was weird and about a week ago we had a huge fight (I broke the no ...
A. 17 April 2012: I'd skip it. It may very possibly give him the wrong impression, and ,if you have to move on, you have to be more thorough in putting him out of your mind.
An ex of a two months relationship does not really qualify anyway for birthday wish... (read in full...)
Really unhappy in this relationship, is it just me? Or is he actually treating me badly?
Q. So ive been with my current bf a year and this is my first serious relationship and we live together. He however is a divorcee who has been in several committed realtionships. (He is a decade older than me.) Ive been seriously debating whether...
A. 17 April 2012: Chigirl, I totally agree with you on principle, perhaps a bit less in practice.
I think that some flexibility is always helpful in any situation.
The OP lost her job at Xmas, not even 4 months ago, it's not exactly ages. She HAS been seeking... (read in full...)
Why are married women bitter towards single beautiful women around their men?
Q. I don't like going to my friend's parties anymore. Seems like everyone is married and here comes me the single girl who is being hated on. I am pretty and I do look my best anytime I go out. I don't like the grin and the mean mugging I get from ...
A. 17 April 2012: Maybe they find strange that a pretty single girl would even bother to attend parties where everybody else is married. They may think you have an hidden agenda. Which I am sure it's not your case at all, but from their perspective is a logical, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend finished things, but he's still contacting me? Why is he doing this if he doesn't care?
Q. Right guys I really need your help on this one, this boy is so confusing! It all started last year, I went with this guy and then he decided he needed to try again with his ex girlfriend because he still had feelings for her. It broke my heart b...
A. 17 April 2012: Big ego, and/or back-burner technique.
You said it yourself, he was used to see you cry and chase after him, and he misses the attention, and the ego stroke. Plus, he does not want to burn all bridges- one never knows, you may always come hand... (read in full...)
Is this just a rough patch? Will things get better?
Q. Im a 20 year old mom of a 4 year old daughter. And in the past 4 years I have learned that I dont enjoy being a mom. I know that sound brutally honest but I cant help the way i feel. I love my daughter with all my heart dont get me wrong but Im not ...
A. 17 April 2012: That's precisely why it's a bad idea having kids at such a young age ( and 16 is insanely young for our society, habits and expectations ).. MOST young girl are impatient, careless, ego referred ,not well equipped to delay gratification and handle ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a pedophile for watching cartoon toddler porn?
Q. Is my boyfriend a pedophile for looking at cartoon porn depicting very young children? We've been going out for 6 months and since we've moved in together I've been secretly snooping on his laptop and have found many things that have disturbed me. ...
A. 17 April 2012: @Pedo Bear 666: Isn't there in USA a pornography law banning the depiction of fictitious or cartoon characters drawn to look like minors engaging in sexual acts ?...
Yes, I know there's no specific law against lolicons- but there's one about diff... (read in full...)
Where are all the good guys? Am I the only one feeling this way?
Q. Where are all the good guys? Sick of getting hurt:(? Omg I dont understand why nice guys keep going after moody and bitchy girls when good girls are just here dying for a guy to treat them right cause they keep getting hurt by @ssholes. Is lik...
A. 17 April 2012: A good girl that keeps being hurt by a..holes is not a good girl. She may be good as in having a heart of gold, but she is not good as in good dating material, she will have traits which are unappealing to good guys- like, not having a good ... (read in full...)
Am I being reasonable about this or just making a fuss about nothing?
Q. Hey there, this is my first time using the site. It seems there are some genuinely kind and helpful people on here so maybe you can help me out. I have something that it playing on my mind. I am in a relationship of 3 years. Recently I haven...
A. 17 April 2012: I don't know if it's reasonable, but I would make a big fuss too :). Friends are very important and they should not be neglected just because one is in a relationship, but , with such a tight schedule, and 5 weeks you guys don't meet, which will ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of feeling guilty for wanting sex all the time!
Q. Wife and I are in a nearly sexless relationship. We have two sets of twins that drive her near insanity, both work full time, and, obviously I want sex way more than she does. I masturbate a lot, but it's not the same as the real thing. She has ...
A. 17 April 2012: Send your wife in vacation somewhere for two weeks and in the meantime, go to work, clean the house and take full charge of both set of twins. I bet this will work like magic in curbing your sex drive.... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being used by my partner and him not giving in
Q. I am a professional independent woman. I have three children. The third child being for my current partner. I have not been very happy in the relationship for a while and have tried communicating this to him. Things did not change. Todate I have ...
A. 16 April 2012: Well, 29 years sounds an awful lot of time for not having ever introduced you to his family. I don't share the general obession with " taking things to the next level " and I often advise posters to relax, and stay in the moment, and don't risk ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't acknowledge my mom while in her home and now things are weird!
Q. My boyfriend and Mum don't quite get on since he seems offhand and disrespectful when he comes over. We are both on part time wages so are living at home whilst saving up for a mortgage. The first time we invited him round, he didn't acknowled...
A. 16 April 2012: Your Mum is very reasonable, and it goes to her credit that she has resisted the temptation to put the sole of her shoe to the backside of his pants and flow him out of the door. Which would have been very rude , of course, but ,more or less, as ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't acknowledge my mom while in her home and now things are weird!
Q. My boyfriend and Mum don't quite get on since he seems offhand and disrespectful when he comes over. We are both on part time wages so are living at home whilst saving up for a mortgage. The first time we invited him round, he didn't acknowled...
A. 16 April 2012: Your Mum is very reasonable, and it goes to her credit that she has resisted the temptation to put the sole of her shoe to the backside of his pants and flow him out of the door. Which would have been very rude , of course, but ,more or less, as ... (read in full...)
An old friend is dating my ex who I still have feelings for, what should I do?
Q. My old friend, who now I don't really talk to or anything has started dating my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me. still have feelings for him even though he's over me. She knows how I feel about him, but she's dating him anyway. I feel really angr...
A. 16 April 2012: I guess some of the Aunts may say that your friend acted wrong because she broke " girl's code " by dating a good friend's ex, which is generally a faux pas... but, come on , you are 13 to 15 , at this age all of you are in and out of love as ... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 16 April 2012: @ anon reader of April 16 th: yes, but, anon reader, can't you see the EVIDENT difference between your case and the OP's. ?
You LIKE what you do, you do it effortlessly,voluntarily, with pride and joy, and you believe it's important. The OP's... (read in full...)
I'm 19 and my parents are super strict!
Q. This is probably going to sound immature but i have to do this. I'm 19 years old and my parents are super strict. According to them I have to be home by 10 pm until I move out. I can't sleep over guys houses nor party or basically anything a 19 ...
A. 16 April 2012: Well well, it could be worse. Your parents aren't SUPER strict, after all you are taking off for several days twice in a row,or more, and they did not make a fuss. I am not saying they could not be much more chill- as a parent I was and am. But ... (read in full...)
What can I do to make him see my hurt?
Q. Being in a relationship or a companionship with a man for three years, this last year he has pulled away from me, no dates, no making time for me, if there is a argument, he talks about ending it, that it to much work, he doesnt treat me like his ...
A. 16 April 2012: Are you sure he would even CARE about your hurt once he has seen it ?
From what you say, it sounds as if all he cares about is low maintenance,convenient, effortless good sex. He may say he loves you, but how does he SHOW it ? Talk is chea... (read in full...)
My cheap boyfriend tries to make me feel guilty to pay for our meals out!
Q. Lately, my boyfriend of 2.5 years has been giving me a guilt trip about not "treating" him to dinners. I'll ask him if we can go out somewhere nice, implying that I'll pay half, and he says "if you're treating, sure." He earns the most money out of ...
A. 15 April 2012: You are at fault for still tolerating this cheapskate and yielding to his demands every time.
Why the heck should you treat him ? It's already bad enough that he does not treat YOU ( yes, woman's lib, equality etc., but, fact is that anyw... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 15 April 2012: OP, it's strictly a matter of points of view. I think that it's a terribly sad way of living, instead, if you have to come home after a long working day and use your free time for puttering around the house doing menial,boring ,repetitive, mind ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's 14 year old brother acts very creepy!
Q. My girlfriend's 14 year old brother acts very weird around her. When on car rides he will lean his head on her shoulder and tell her how he loves her in a strange, kind of lonely way. He still kisses his mom on the lips and will go into my ...
A. 15 April 2012: Creepy ? Mild Asperger ?
Why, poor kid ?
He's 14 ! He may perhaps still be a bit childish for his age, but , not all 14 y.o. are into " doing their own thing " and partying, sexting girls , acting tough, and what not. Many, particul... (read in full...)
Why does a girl become so cruel to a guy who loves her?
Q. Why does a girl become so cruel to a guy who loves her? There's this girl at work that I have a crush on. She and I were very close, just as friends. But recently she found out that I had feelings for her the whole time, and now she is behaving ...
A. 15 April 2012: Maybe it's not fair, or rational, but she MIGHT feel deceived. Obviously she is a good looking girl ,used to get attention because of superficial things as her looks and charm,... and with you, she thought you could see her as a person, and you ... (read in full...)
Why does a girl become so cruel to a guy who loves her?
Q. Why does a girl become so cruel to a guy who loves her? There's this girl at work that I have a crush on. She and I were very close, just as friends. But recently she found out that I had feelings for her the whole time, and now she is behaving ...
A. 15 April 2012: Some times you've got to be cruel to be kind. She does not want to lead you on and illude you. She does not want you to get more attached than you already are.
And frankly she can also be a tad annoyed and irritated with you. She let herself get ... (read in full...)
Why does a girl become so cruel to a guy who loves her?
Q. Why does a girl become so cruel to a guy who loves her? There's this girl at work that I have a crush on. She and I were very close, just as friends. But recently she found out that I had feelings for her the whole time, and now she is behaving ...
A. 15 April 2012: Some times you've got to be cruel to be kind. She does not want to lead you on and illude you. She does not want you to get more attached than you already are.
And frankly she can also be a tad annoyed and irritated with you. She let herself get ... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 13 April 2012: OP, some skills are surely getting lost, but generally what gets lost is what is not so relevant, indispensable or functional any more.
One hundred years ago people were surely way more adept around horses, they knew how to feed them and brus... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 13 April 2012: Hopefully, they are acquiring the skills to get themselves decently paid jobs, and be able to afford hiring somebody for cleaning ! ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a pedophile for watching cartoon toddler porn?
Q. Is my boyfriend a pedophile for looking at cartoon porn depicting very young children? We've been going out for 6 months and since we've moved in together I've been secretly snooping on his laptop and have found many things that have disturbed me. ...
A. 3 March 2012: Of course he may have some, or even several, good qualities. I read a biography of Ted Bundy , the serial killer, and under many respects he was an outstanding guy. His employers appreciated him, his colleagues loved him, he even volunteered lots ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a pedophile for watching cartoon toddler porn?
Q. Is my boyfriend a pedophile for looking at cartoon porn depicting very young children? We've been going out for 6 months and since we've moved in together I've been secretly snooping on his laptop and have found many things that have disturbed me. ...
A. 2 March 2012: Child porn ? TODDLER porn ?
" I keep thinking it's just fantasy and does not mean anything ". Yeah, it only means he's a sick bastard and you'd better stay way clear of him.
Maybe he was abused as a child, that's sad but it is his problem,... (read in full...)
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