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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I told my best friend I love her, and now she doesn't speak to me.
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A. 6 May 2012: I just gave my opinion, OP, but of course you have to follow your heart. Personally , when I have been friendzoned by someone I was in love with, I found it nerve-wrecking and depressing, but maybe you have nerves of steel, and unlimited patience ... (read in full...)
Should I take this job offer for the reality show?
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How do I get my partner to do his share of work?
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All the Aunts and Uncles who say " just don't clean after him anymore , if you stop taking care of him he'll have to do things by himself " are only right in theory- it's a method that... (read in full...)
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Should I take this job offer for the reality show?
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Found out g/f sleeps with men to support herself. She says she'll stop if I can support her. I can't. What to do???
Q. OK folks, I have a real dilemma. I am hoping you can help. There is this girl I know who is from a middle eastern country. She is here on a visa. Very pretty, sweet. We started seeing each other, and then got involved. I thought things were perf...
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Found out g/f sleeps with men to support herself. She says she'll stop if I can support her. I can't. What to do???
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I told my best friend I love her, and now she doesn't speak to me.
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A. 5 May 2012: Ah my friend, only at 16 you can be under the impression that life is fair. It's anything but fair, and a lot of unfair things go on all the time, and much worse than being rejected by your crush .
Which does not mean that life has to be all abou... (read in full...)
Why do married men look at other women?
Q. why do married men look at other women? I have a husband who does this and I'm so upset about it. I don't look at other men because I'm happily married with the man I'm with. He tells me I'm beautiful, sexy, bodacious, the whole nine yards, but ...
A. 4 May 2012: Because they are married, not blind .
What's wrong with looking at people, and finding them attractive. It's normal for both sexes. You see something pleasing, it draws your attention . If you look at a beautiful house does it mean you want to b... (read in full...)
17 and pregnant. Any advice on how to tell my parents?
Q. I'm 17, 6 weeks pregnant and no clue on how to tell my parents. My boyfriend is 21. Been together for 8months and they know him very well. Mom likes him, father doesn't want me involved in anything serious with any boy but accepts my relationship. ...
A. 4 May 2012: OP, ...they will be disappointed, no other way around that, because you DID disappoint them big time. They let you hang out and spend plenty of time with this guy, obviously trusting that you could handle the situation, and not get involved too ... (read in full...)
I told my best friend I love her, and now she doesn't speak to me.
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Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
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I am not ... (read in full...)
I cannot comprehend how my ex husband could start dating so soon after our divorce
Q. My ex and I divorced but still lived together. We loved each other but i divorced him because of finance differences. I left him and after a few weeks broke all contact because he is bi polar and has sociopathic tendencies. During that time onc...
A. 4 May 2012: I have to disagree with you. Divorce is a serious matter, if either partner files for divorce he7she must be prepared to consider it final- game over - the end .( That some times later on people may change their mind and decide to reconnect, ... (read in full...)
I don't think my boyfriend understand that my no means no. I am not ready. What should I do?
Q. I think my boyfriend only wants to have sex with me and im a virgin and he is very sexual and all he wants to talk about is sex I told him im not ready but I don't think he understands what should I do?...
A. 4 May 2012: Alas, change boyfriend, I think. If you already told him you are not ready and he does not respect that, and if he can't talk to you about anything else than sex, and if you feel he's with you just in the hope to use you sexually... well, don't let ... (read in full...)
If your boyfriend did this for you, would you like it?
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A. 3 May 2012: Awesome. Go for it.
Remember, if she has low self esteem and got used to be mistreated, she may not have, as you already suspect, right ?, the happy, thrilled , enthusiastic reaction one would expect. She may feel, at first, sort of emba... (read in full...)
I wrote her a letter and I would like her decision. Or am I wasting my time with her?
Q. Hi, about four months ago, I asked a girl out and we ended up going on three dates; but after the third, she started acting a little weird by trying to zone me out. And then when I asked her why, she said she was sorry and didn't feel too comf...
A. 3 May 2012: I absolutely agree with Tisha, the tell tale signs are all there, you just don't want to see them.
She is just too nice, or too passive - aggressive- it's always a matter of points of view - to reject you firmly and finally once for all. I am not ... (read in full...)
Would you learn a different language to be with someone?
Q. Here's the story. There's this girl that works with me. Before last week I never talked to her before. I would catch her looking at me from time to time. Always staring at me when she thought I wasn't looking. Most of the times I didn't know what to ...
A. 3 May 2012: Sure,why not.Like you said : even if all this should not pan out.. at least you'll know another language , which is always an asset.
Be thankful that you only have to learn Spanish, which is a relatively easy language with your same alphabet too.... (read in full...)
Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
A. 3 May 2012: It does not have to be about citizen / residence permit,- Hungary is in the UE ,she can stay in Uk as long as she wants. BUT it's still iffy and dodgy. I think she needed some sort of guarantor for something. An unemployed non resident, even if UE ... (read in full...)
Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
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What are the confidentiality rules in U.K. schools?
Q. I've just found out I'm pregnant! I'm 16 and I'm really happy because I was trying for a baby. My form tutor at school has somehow figured it out and keeps asking if I'm pregnant. I'm reluctant to tell her because I dont want the information getting ...
A. 23 April 2012: Yes ? A steady, lucrative , secure job at 16 ( while you are still in school ) which will enable to support in full autonomy yourself and your kid ? With no degree, no specialized skills, no job experience ? and , out of curiosity, where is ... (read in full...)
My friends make me feel like I'm the only one making an effort
Q. I don't have an acc so please check for anon updates without the followup alert because I really need some help. My best friend and I are having effort difficulties because I feel like its only me making a real effort. Don't get me wrong, when my ...
A. 23 April 2012: I think I answered your previous post (s) about the same issue, or maybe it was another girl with the same issue. You don't want to be told " move on, give up "- but maybe you should at least have a long , hard, realistic look to what it is ... (read in full...)
How do Arians see Librans?
Q. this question is for those agony aunts who have knowledge into zodiac signs, but if you wanna have your say, go for it. i've read articles about the compatibilty between a libran woman (myself) and an arian man (my partner). the results are prom...
A. 23 April 2012: I dabbled in astrology long time ago, I did study it quite a bit in fact. Coming to the conclusion that it's fun and fascinating as a pastime, but... it's really all bullshit :). No offence meant , that's just my personal opinion.
N... (read in full...)
I scared him off. Can I interest him again, despite this set-back?
Q. I finished seeing this guy about three weeks ago because he said he didnt know if he wanted a relationship or not and we have been talking to each other for the last two weeks and he said that things between us when we were seeing each other were ...
A. 23 April 2012: I would not bother. You are not reading the fine prints, in fact they aren't even that fine. He does not want a relationship, or at least he does not want it with you,that's all.
Don't buy the " I don't know if I want one or not " which leav... (read in full...)
I love him, He loves me, But my mom doesn't want him as my boyfriend !
Q. So there's this boy I've been talking to him since a year now. We really really love eachother so much ! We went through many things lately this year but we couldn't let eachother go! We always stood next to eachother and felt ourselves confident ...
A. 23 April 2012: OK, OP, thanks for the clarifications, but then, if it's not your young age, or your level of maturity, or the way he treats you... then I think there must be a specific reason why your Mom dislikes him. Apparently, your Mom is not ... (read in full...)
Can abusive men change?
Q. Can abusive men change.. I split from my ex who I know was abusive several months ago, unfortunately I.still have to have contact.as we had children. He has never openly admitted to being abusive.and had blamed me, he had apparently never been ...
A. 23 April 2012: I don't know about all men, but this one no, won't change. He does not even admit that he was doing anything wrong, and he blames it on you ! As if you were the only evil witch with the power to bring out the mean abusive vein from his good natured ... (read in full...)
Can abusive men change?
Q. Can abusive men change.. I split from my ex who I know was abusive several months ago, unfortunately I.still have to have contact.as we had children. He has never openly admitted to being abusive.and had blamed me, he had apparently never been ...
A. 23 April 2012: I don't know about all men, but this one no, won't change. He does not even admit that he was doing anything wrong, and he blames it on you ! As if you were the only evil witch with the power to bring out the mean abusive vein from his good natured ... (read in full...)
I'd rather view videos than be in a relationship. Is it wrong to love porn?
Q. Is it wrong to love porn? Ive never really thought about it until the other night but porn makes me emotionally warm and happy . Ive never had a girlfriend nor have had sex but to be honest I would rather choose Videos over trying to be in ...
A. 23 April 2012: OP, I guess you are doing that American thing of taking "sex " to mean " intercourse, penetrative sex ". No no, in the rest of the world sex has a broader meaning and includes sexual acts and sexual pursuits in general. You watch naked woman ... (read in full...)
Why do men get in relationships?
Q. This is a question for men. Why do you get in relationships? I'm not just talking about the companionship aspect. A lot of women seem to ask questions about porn and or strip clubs and their boyfriends/husbands using or going to them. Some women, ...
A. 23 April 2012: I am a woman, but I really think that men too would answer the same : because it's not the same thing. It's like comparing apples and oranges.
Believe it or not, visual and sexual stimulation are not the be all and end all of everything for both... (read in full...)
What are the confidentiality rules in U.K. schools?
Q. I've just found out I'm pregnant! I'm 16 and I'm really happy because I was trying for a baby. My form tutor at school has somehow figured it out and keeps asking if I'm pregnant. I'm reluctant to tell her because I dont want the information getting ...
A. 23 April 2012: It's not just your life. The heck it is. It's the life of a poor innocent creature who would deserve the kind of mature, sensible, unselfish nurturing that you are so obviously not ready for.
And, it's the life and the money of UK tax paye... (read in full...)
Should I not be selfish and try to be more accomodating or should I tell him feel manipulated and used?
Q. Dating has reached the relationship stage and I'm learning a few things about this guy. He was really nice and fun initially and I get along well with his 14 year old son who lives with him. It just seems to me lately he has such a sense of entit...
A. 23 April 2012: I think you should just ditch him. I have trouble believing that he reached adulthood still believing that all the world is kind and giving, but, if he does, why isn't he kind and giving too ??..
My take on this is, he is a moocher. I don't even... (read in full...)
I was confused and acted rather coldly and now he doesn't want to go further in the relationship
Q. Hi, I'm 21 years old and I've been sort of seeing a guy for about a month and a half now and it's been going extremely slowly. We go on walks or study dates and most of the time we kiss at the end. I'm a very confident person, but around this guy I ...
A. 23 April 2012: Aaargh ! The way I am, I would never give him a second chance, I'd give him a kick in his ass. A person is not a restaurant or a commercial establishement, " satisfaction or your money back " , if you are not happy with the service the first time, ... (read in full...)
I love her and spending time with her isn't helping me to move on
Q. I have been seeing a woman on and off for 3 years. We dated a while, but she’s commitment phobic and called it off when it felt like a relationship. (bad previous relationship) We agreed to be friends. After 6 months, we got closer. I met he...
A. 23 April 2012: That's sounds like an easy one. If spending time with her is not helping you to move on- then don't spend time with her, simple.
You first. Take care of your own happiness. That's not selfishness , that's plain common sense. She is doing what... (read in full...)
Is it weird/impossible for a twenty year old girl to be just friends with an older man (35 years age difference)?
Q. So, at work. I struck up a friendship with an older man. We talked a lot and appreciated each other's company. Today, we kinda just took the friendship out of work. We exchanged phone numbers and tonight we spoke on the phone for a little bit. We ...
A. 23 April 2012: If he is attracted to you, then it's already NOT just a friendship ,regardless of age. If you return the attraction, it won't stay a platonic friendship for long . If you don't... ah poor guy, let him be. Do you enjoy having an older guy making a ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't like my mom living with us and she can't live alone
Q. My 84 year old mom has lived with my husband and I for the last 22 months - my husband had agreed for her to move in but now he has a change of mind. The only time my husband ever speaks to my mom is when he bids her the time of day. He doesn't ...
A. 23 April 2012: You SHOULD be living your life alone as a couple, - that's a perhaps inevitable yet very trying situation for your husband. I think he is being a decent guy enough accepting that she is going to live with you for maybe many more years , and to ... (read in full...)
I feel like I lost a friend for the wrong reason! Is it my fault?
Q. Hello guys I hope you all are doing well As for me I could be doing better I had just official lost a friend today In my eyes, it was for no good reason So my question is Did I handle this situation the right way. I felt I could have han...
A. 23 April 2012: But... couldn't you stay friends without the hugs ? Why being so touchy-feely ? I found curious that this hugs-no hugs controversy seem just to crop up with male/female friends ,- nobody wants to be always wrapped around, or hold hands,with a ... (read in full...)
I feel like I lost a friend for the wrong reason! Is it my fault?
Q. Hello guys I hope you all are doing well As for me I could be doing better I had just official lost a friend today In my eyes, it was for no good reason So my question is Did I handle this situation the right way. I felt I could have han...
A. 23 April 2012: But... couldn't you stay friends without the hugs ? Why being so touchy-feely ? I found curious that this hugs-no hugs controversy seem just to crop up with male/female friends ,- nobody wants to be always wrapped around, or hold hands,with a ... (read in full...)
I'd rather view videos than be in a relationship. Is it wrong to love porn?
Q. Is it wrong to love porn? Ive never really thought about it until the other night but porn makes me emotionally warm and happy . Ive never had a girlfriend nor have had sex but to be honest I would rather choose Videos over trying to be in ...
A. 22 April 2012: Ah sure. There are people who stay single and celibate and are happy nonetheless. Only , Cerberus is right ; ( btw thanks Cerberus for your kind words, the respect and appreciation is reciprocated ) apparently it works much better if it's a choice ... (read in full...)
What should I expect from a life as a a potential 'stepmum'?
Q. Hi I have a simple question here, is it a good or wrong thing to be with someone who has 2 kids to a previous relasionship and what should I expect from a life as a a potential 'stepmum'? My bloke and I have been together 9 months, very muc...
A. 22 April 2012: it's neither wrong nor right, it's difficult. As long as you know it , though, and you realizes that you 'll need patience, tact ,warmth and maturity to overcome inevitable challenges, then it's fine. Your parents are naturally protective of you ... (read in full...)
What do I chose? him? or my career?
Q. Hi everyone i need some advise! Me and this guy really like eachother i've known him for 3 years and we have always had a soft spot for eachother. Three months ago I broke up with my boyfriend and now me an this guy ive know for 3 years are hang...
A. 22 April 2012: Your career. If you get marketable skills now, they'll stay with you in ten, twenty, thirty years , - a guy you've just been recently hanging out may ot may not, most probably not.
You've also have to consider that you've just broken up with some... (read in full...)
I feel lost...
Q. My boyfriend of 8 years has just broke up with me, its really hard because he still calls me asking for money and wants to sleep with me, he said we can still be with each other but not be in a relationship. I don't know what to do, as he was my ...
A. 22 April 2012: If this is your only friend,... you'd better hang out with enemies !
He breaks up than he calls asking for casual sex and MONEY ?This ain't no friend, this is an user.
Time for wiping the slate clean, and for a major attitude change from you... (read in full...)
I love him, He loves me, But my mom doesn't want him as my boyfriend !
Q. So there's this boy I've been talking to him since a year now. We really really love eachother so much ! We went through many things lately this year but we couldn't let eachother go! We always stood next to eachother and felt ourselves confident ...
A. 22 April 2012: I think maybe your mom does not want you to get too attached to any guy, at your age 13 -15 . It sounds counterintuitive, but that's NOT the age for putting men centerstage in your life and be obsessed with thoughts of romance. What, and who, ... (read in full...)
I'd rather view videos than be in a relationship. Is it wrong to love porn?
Q. Is it wrong to love porn? Ive never really thought about it until the other night but porn makes me emotionally warm and happy . Ive never had a girlfriend nor have had sex but to be honest I would rather choose Videos over trying to be in ...
A. 22 April 2012: It sounds to me like saying it's better reading cookbooks and food magazines than eating real meals every day . So much less hassle... you don't have to spend lots of money, waste time in line at supermarkets, carry upstairs heavy bags, wash dishes ... (read in full...)
Is it better to be indifferent to others?
Q. hello everyone ^.^ ogenki-desu ka? lol let me stop My friend told me this "The less you give a damn, the more people will give a damn," Basically he was telling me that I should just stop caring about other people and do my own thing sometim...
A. 21 April 2012: As always, it's a matter of finding balance. A middle course. No, it's not good to be indifferent and to stop caring as in " becoming cold or mean or totally self centered " , and it's not good either caring TOO MUCH as in depending from other ... (read in full...)
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