| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Can anyone help me? I feel I am being mentally abused by my wife and I don't know where to turn
Q. I'm lost........... I am a 37yr old male who has been married for 5-1/2 years been with my wife for 8 years. We have a beautiful 2-1/2 year old daughter who is my life and soul. I am stuck in a spot where the only thing right now in life is what ...
A. 8 December 2009: You just hit upon something interesting there, when you mentioned her parents not saying no. She's a spoilt brat and has had everything her way. Sadly, your daughter will be seeing all of this, and taking it all in. I think it's now time, if you've ... (read in full...)
Is it really over this time?
Q. Please help.. me and my boyfriend were together for 11 months. he jumped right out of a bad 2 year relationship with his ex (in which they had broken up several times..got back together..twards the end she wouldnt really let the break up happen....
A. 8 December 2009: This guy has serious problems. He can't make one relationship work, then he jumps into another one with you and he can't make that work either. He was never over his ex when he came to you, so it would never have worked. There are other guys out ... (read in full...)
Should I be angry because I was not invited to my friends party?
Q. hello today a friend of mine was having a party and she invited everyone accept me.i felt hurt and my other friend who got invited said i dont deserve to go and also was saying some nasty things and untrue things about me to another mate of mine. i...
A. 8 December 2009: Yes, they sound like crap friends to be honest. So you can either find out why they didn't want you there and why they said what they did, or you can not bother and find some other friends.... (read in full...)
I'm embarassed that I am still a virgin but personally I don't want to lose it yet!
Q. please help! i am 16, and i've not really had much relationship experience. I've liked guys a lot and almost everyone in my grade has lost their virginity. I definatly don't want to lose mine yet, but what about peer pressure? Also, the guys i like, ...
A. 8 December 2009: Well be proud of yourself. So what about peer pressure? All right, your friends have lost it and you haven't. In a few years, most will regret having lost it to the wrong person. Don't rush, and don't beat yourself up about it. And refrain from the ... (read in full...)
Can anyone help me? I feel I am being mentally abused by my wife and I don't know where to turn
Q. I'm lost........... I am a 37yr old male who has been married for 5-1/2 years been with my wife for 8 years. We have a beautiful 2-1/2 year old daughter who is my life and soul. I am stuck in a spot where the only thing right now in life is what ...
A. 8 December 2009: It will damage your daughter to see what she is seeing. My parents don't love each other. I knew that when I was 6 years old. Pretty gutting to be honest. I completely agree with Rhythm about 'earning your way out' with the counselling. Her post ... (read in full...)
I need some flirting tips so I can get him running around after me!
Q. i really like this boy, but the problem is that the other month i rejected him because i have some family issues and a boyfriend was the last of issues, but i let him down really badly. i want some tip on how to get talking to him again, so ...
A. 8 December 2009: He isn't going to run around after you, because you hurt him (I'm sure you didn't mean to), and he will think you're leading him on. If you want him, you now have to go to him. I think the best thing you can do is just be honest about the problems ... (read in full...)
Help! I want to get married and he doesn't. He says that he doesn't believe in marriage!
Q. This is the first time i've done anything like this and so here goes....... I am living with my partner in a house purchased together, who I absolutely love and adore and he feels the same, this i am confident about. We have been together fo...
A. 8 December 2009: Yes, and when will he do it? No date, no proposal? Just a 'yes we'll get married one day'? Rubbish. He just said that you please you so you'll stay. I really don't think he'll do it.... (read in full...)
How can I find the right person?
Q. well, I am 21, i so much want to be in a relationship, a serious one.i dont like to feel loneliness. I really want someone nice in my life. Can someone tell me where i can find the right person?...
A. 8 December 2009: You need to make sure you're happy for yourself before you go into a relationship. I know you're feeling lonely, but the right guy might get a bit nervous if he mistakes your loneliness for desperation. So make sure you're focusing on your life and ... (read in full...)
He cheated and got someone else pregnant! Help!
Q. my boyfriend of 5 years got someone else pregnant and we have a 2 year old should I stay or go?...
A. 8 December 2009: I agree with Aunty BimBim. Be careful of making fast decisions. You have a lot to think about. First of all, do you want the relationship to continue or not? Do you have a job that will support you and your child? Do you have family? How are you ... (read in full...)
He's not interested in our wedding
Q. I started to talk to my fiance yesterday about the wedding and telling him how I was organizing things to make sure the final details were in place. But he just doesn't seem to care or be excited about anything. It just makes me wonder if he cares ...
A. 8 December 2009: I'm not married, but I do know a few things about men, being that I am one. You're focused on this perfect wedding that you've probably had in your mind since you were 5, while he's focused on everything after and is probably nervous. He loves you, ... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to his personality but not neccessarily looks, can this work?
Q. I've met a guy who is very far from my usual type, which I'm aware might be a good thing, and would like advice if you think it's something worth working at. I don't have a great relationship history. Without wanting to come across as arroga...
A. 8 December 2009: Truth is it probably won't. You do need to be attracted to looks and the personality, the idea being you like him for who he is. What happens in the future if you meet an attractive guy and can't help yourself? I think unless you're attracted to him ... (read in full...)
I feel so down all the time, life doesn't seem fair
Q. iam so sad wateva i do i feel like is againt me. i try hard to do my uni reports and i always get grades i dont deserve, however my best who dnt try hard she always get better marks then me cuz i feel like she gets my idea. especially when i help. ...
A. 8 December 2009: This happens frequently to everyone. She will feel the same way about someone else she knows. I've just set up a company, and so did a person I work with. Without any effort or advertising, he has already done far more than me and his company is ... (read in full...)
Boredom? Midlife crisis or just plain immature?
Q. Hello, I have been in this relationship for almost 6 year. We live together and get along perfectly fine. Until last week when he announced he wants to break up because he feels "tied down". He says he stills loves me but he misses the "...
A. 8 December 2009: No, I don't think it is. I am sorry. But a man who loves a woman that much, doesn't' split. He keeps working at it. ... (read in full...)
Help for my sex addiction...
Q. I think I may have a problem in that I think I'm a sex addict. I want to stop and I'm ashamed to get help for it. I find it hard to end it with these men that I am fb with. I dont want to hurt anyone. What can I do? ...
A. 8 December 2009: Ask yourself why you do it. Is it the attention? Have you been hurt in the past and don't want to get too close? There will be a reason you do it. Maybe some counselling would help? Or a chat with the doctor, who can point you in the right ... (read in full...)
How do I help him recover from his rape
Q. I'm currently deployed in Afghanistan and I spoke to my boyfriend yesterday and I could tell there was something seriously wrong so I asked him and he told me he'd been beaten and raped by 3 guys last Saturday. He's been to hospital and reported it ...
A. 8 December 2009: That's terrible, and I am sorry for both him and you. First of all, you're not a bad girlfriend and anything that happens from now has nothing to do with you. I say that, because I had a friend who was raped, and clearly I felt bad that I wasn't ... (read in full...)
She assumed my help was a barter for sex and I'm a bit insulted. Should I explain or let it go?
Q. I am a strong swimmer. The other day our sports club went snorkelling at a nearby reef. One of the new club members, a girl, was struggling and I stuck around to help her get the hang of snorkelling and to make sure she didn't end up in danger. She ...
A. 8 December 2009: She was just looking out for herself. It's no big deal. She's probably been in a situation where she has felt a little pressured to have sex with some guy, and doesn't want to do it again. Next time, just explain you're flattered that she thinks ... (read in full...)
Should I be confident in my chest size? Or try to hide it?
Q. I have a nice body and I've heard many times I have a really nice ass but since I'm so small my boobs are an a cup....when I have sex should I keep my bra on or just try to be confident cause it is what it is?...
A. 8 December 2009: I've fancied all sorts of girls, from curvy to slim, those with bigger breasts, those with smaller. The point being, it isn't the size of your breasts, it's your confidence. If you're an a cup, that's what you are and who you are. Be proud of it. ... (read in full...)
How can I reassure her how I feel?
Q. Hi everyone! We are classmates at high school, and after we came to college my gf confessed her love to me and I accepted. I's been about five months since we became bf and gf, but now we are apart since we are in different colleges. We can meet ...
A. 8 December 2009: A long distance relationship requires every bit of commitment you can offer. If you want this to continue you need to make more time for her with phone calls and such. She's telling you she's feeling unloved. If you love her, work double time, make ... (read in full...)
She wants me to make all the effort. What should I tell her?
Q. during band camp she said i didnt see her enough . the problem in this is im sax section so i dont hav much time . she has plenty of time to see me while im working but she says i should go to her. plz give me advice on what to tell her...
A. 8 December 2009: Well you both need to compromise. She could come to see you sometimes, you need to go see her sometimes. And I would go to her, because she is warning you she is feeling neglected and wants some of your attention, time and bother, even though she ... (read in full...)
Should I win him back in spite of what my parents think of him?
Q. I have been sort of on and off for months with this guy. We actually got together in January. This is my longest relationship. Even though we've had our ups and downs, I really do love him. It took me this long to really realize that I want to be ...
A. 8 December 2009: You've been on off though, not truly committed. That's not a good sign. You are of course, able to make your own decisions. And as for you paying all the rent, you can have any guy you want back and your sister can like it or clear off. But if it ... (read in full...)
Why was I rejected by her?
Q. okk...i saw this girl in my class, shes fine and different from other girls. she has lots of friends and very quiet in school but not outside the school..shes fine and very pretty and i am kinda ripped (20 inches shoulder span) and am not that good ...
A. 8 December 2009: I remember this kind of thing. You think a girl likes you, then it turns out she doesn't and you end up there wondering where you went wrong. Well, let her come to you. Either she's playing hard to get, in which case she can do some running, or ... (read in full...)
What can I do about his gaming addiction?
Q. My boyfriend is seriously addicted to online gaming. I have no problem with gaming. But he will miss work, leave early, go to work late, not eat or sleep for days. And, of course gets angry when someone tries to confront him with his problem. His ...
A. 8 December 2009: There's nothing you can do, and he won't change either. Time to move on and find a guy who wants you, not a computer. ... (read in full...)
Why can't I keep an erection at this age?
Q. Hello everyone Im 31yrs old and for da last 3 weeks I've been under a lot of stress and been having trouble getting and keeping an erection and my girlfriend of 1 month is freakin pissed cuz it's happened 3 times already and wants to stay away till ...
A. 8 December 2009: It's the stress. Stress is the erection killer, and your girlfriend is about as understanding as a cardboard box. Get rid of that lousy girlfriend and focus on getting the stress out of your life. Then everything will work properly again. ... (read in full...)
How can I accept my sexual past?
Q. I feel terrible about the number of people I've slept with. I don't feel the need to post the number here because, really, all it is is a moral judgment and I know people will see it differently. I have friends who've slept with more, whatever... ...
A. 8 December 2009: You know the French President's wife Carla, publicly said she has slept with over 40 men, which she says is low compared to some, high compares to others. Yet she isn't ashamed, far from it. In fact, she doesn't consider it bad at all, and she ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend seems to be mocking me with the thought of a threesome. What do I do about it?
Q. I have been seeing my partner for close to a year now, she is more sexually experienced that me and knew was bisexual before we got together, which has never bothered me and I've always accepted. She's actually had relationships with other women, ...
A. 8 December 2009: I agree with HoneyGirl. This woman has no respect for your feelings at all. You can find a far better woman who will... (read in full...)
Why does my condom slip off when I practice?
Q. well before i put a condom on to practice im flaccid, not even semi hard and i put heat lube on but im still flaccid. and then i get kinda hard but not fully hard and i put the condom off but when i start masterbating it slips off. i didnt buy large ...
A. 8 December 2009: Your penis needs to be fully erect for a condom to work properly. The idea is it's a tight fit around an erect penis.... (read in full...)
How can me and my girlfriend can get closer?
Q. well last night my gf and i were texting and i asked her if she thinks that me and her are close and if we have a good relationship and she said "yeah i think were close, but we could be closer" and yeah i think we have a good relationship too". ...
A. 8 December 2009: Just keep getting to know each other and go out more. Is there something you can both do together. And since she was the one to suggest you could be closer, ask her if she has any suggestions. You just have to keep talking and spending time ... (read in full...)
After 24 years of marriage he now tells me he wished he'd had sex with more women! This is making me very insecure
Q. After nearly 24 years of marriage my husband, aged 51, announced to me that 'the biggest regret of his life was that he hadn't had sex with more women'. I also found out at the same time that he had lied to me about being a virgin when we met and ...
A. 8 December 2009: Sounds like the midlife crisis to me. Some men go through this kind of thing I'm afraid. I would suggest asking him why he feels that way. You might not like the answer, but it's better than you sitting there twiddling your thumbs wondering what was ... (read in full...)
All of a sudden he isn't replying. What happened?
Q. This guy that msged me daily or almost daily seems to have disappeared.We've been on a cpl dates but have mostly talked/txted.All was well - the contact was still steady as ever.I baked him cookies(he asked for em) but have yet to drop em off - it's ...
A. 8 December 2009: I hate to tell you this, but I think you're being played. If he's very hard to actually pin down, then what else is he upto? Even a working man will make time if he's really interested in a girl. You didn't do anything wrong at all, what's moist ... (read in full...)
Boredom? Midlife crisis or just plain immature?
Q. Hello, I have been in this relationship for almost 6 year. We live together and get along perfectly fine. Until last week when he announced he wants to break up because he feels "tied down". He says he stills loves me but he misses the "...
A. 8 December 2009: The problem is you were his first serious relationship, which leads me to conclude that he's probably got a commitment problem.
You have to be brave and realize he's not the guy for you. You have to end this quickly and move on, no matter how hard... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to be honest during relationship counselling because I don't want to hurt her feelings!
Q. I'm in relationship counselling with my girlfriend. We've been to one session. The counsellor is using the Imago method. My girlfriend has very low self-esteem and I think it's partly because I have problems communicating and I often say the wr...
A. 8 December 2009: I think you should. Counselling is about being honest, and I think she needs to know you're very worried. But before saying it in front of her, maybe see if you can talk to the counsellor alone and say what has been happening to her. Her esteem has ... (read in full...)
Its like we’re in a long distance relationship but we live in the same house!
Q. I’m engaged to a man and we live together. We are planning to get married but I always delay things because I am not 100% sure. I think I love him but we live together and I am noticing habits that I am not sure I can live with. He is already ...
A. 8 December 2009: This won't work, My girlfriend was married to a guy who was married to his job, and she tried so hard to make it work. But he wasn't there for her, so she left. Being honest, this guy won't change, and this is how you will have to live. Brave ... (read in full...)
What could be the reason behind this drop in my sex drive and sexual performance?
Q. Hiya I have a bit of a growing concern I am starting to find it harder and harder to maintain an erection, I can usually last for a good number of sessions in one night, but recently i havent been performing as well as i can. i feel the ...
A. 8 December 2009: Probably a mixture of tiredness, stress and such. Yes, tiredness has an effect on an erection. If you're doing a lot of driving around and having late nights, he might just need a break and so do you. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to switch from being hot to cold?
Q. Is it normal for guys to switch from being hot to cold? My bf and I who are both in our mid 20s, have been together for almost a year. Throughout our whole relationship I have felt like I am walking on egg shells. If I show him affection a...
A. 8 December 2009: Some men do get a little withdrawn because they're not sure how to handle female emotions. But what worries me is that when another guy starts to talking to you, he makes the effort, then when you're alone, he doesn't. I'll be honest, this sounds ... (read in full...)
Its not fair on my boyfriend to still be in love with my ex, how do I get over him?
Q. Hi My ex and I broke up 7 months ago. I'm currently with a guy who treats me far better and loves me far more than my ex. I can't seem to get over my ex, no matter what I do about it. 1.) is there anything I can do to try to get over him? 2.) I...
A. 8 December 2009: Ask yourself this question. Do you love your new boyfriend?
It sounds to me like you don't. You're still in love with your ex. Though it's sad for your boyfriend, it's actually also sad and unfair to you. Yes, your new guy treats you very well... (read in full...)
My new girlfriend has fallen in love with me, but my ex wont stop begging for me back! What should I do?
Q. My ex of a year broke up with me abut 4 months ago, saying it was because i couldnt tell her i would be there for her. I begged for her back, like an jackass, and she wanted none of it. I waited for about a month and started talking to another ...
A. 8 December 2009: I don't think your lovely new lady deserves it either, and I think you know you're better off with her. Consider the facts. Your ex broke up with you, and when you wanted her back, she didn't want any of it. Yet, now that you have a new girlfriend, ... (read in full...)
How do you become an Alpha male?
Q. Alpha males of the great ape species beat up the other males. This is how they become the alpha males. After they've won, they don't worry about getting females. They can chill out and have whatever female they want. There are guys who are con...
A. 8 December 2009: I wouldn't consider myself an alpha male. I'm not always confident, I'm not rich (though I am trying), wouldn't say I was famous or super good looking anything like that. Yet after a lot of failure and being hurt, I found a very fine lady who I ... (read in full...)
Monster in law
Q. How do i deal with a monster mother in law ?...
A. 8 December 2009: You don't. Your husband does. Or is supposed to. You need to tell your husband how you feel (gently though, she is his mother). Hopefully, he'll listen to you and speak to her. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him that I don't fogive him after his apology?
Q. so, an ex-boyfriend from about 5 years ago sent me an apology note recently, saying he had treated me wrong and I really hadn't deserved the way he treated me, etc. and I was taken a little aback. I had responded with a sort of nice email back, oh I ...
A. 8 December 2009: Let it go. That's my advice. Cut all contact again and let it go. To err is to human, to forgive is divine, as the saying goes. You've come out of this looking like a great, understanding girl. Don't open up some huge war over this. Better to just ... (read in full...)
I'm with the guy I cheated with, only to have sex with my husband. Is that cheating?
Q. I cheated on ny husband two years ago and now we're separeted.Im now with the guy I cheated on my husband with but this guy doesn't pay attention to me the way my husband did.Six months ago I had sex with my husband and I confessed this to the guy ...
A. 8 December 2009: Yes, it is, because you and your husband were separated. I'm afraid you walked into the trap with this guy you had the affair with. You thought he was better. now you know he's worse, and had the nerve to call you a whore. Perhaps you should try ... (read in full...)
He says he hit me out of self defense. Should I still even be with him?
Q. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 21. 2 days ago we went to a christmas party. i got very very drunk and apparantly made a fool out of him by the way i was dancing ect..we stayed at my parents and when we got in we were arguing. I went into my room and ...
A. 8 December 2009: No, get away from him now. He kicked you for God's sake, let alone gave you the black eye. And as for not being a violent person, now you know the truth. He is! Either get away from him, or become another female statistic of domestic abuse. Drunk ... (read in full...)
The sweet and caring guy? Or the attractive smooth guy?
Q. So, there was a guy that i was seeing and things were great but because he is attractive and we never discussed about commitments and loyalty. i had some doubts and before we could talk about it, i broke it off! i started to see another guy for ...
A. 8 December 2009: The grass looks greener...?
Many women discount sweet caring guys because they come across as boring. Lord knows that's happened to me enough. Yet they flock to the smooth guys who go on to hurt them at some point, and let's face it, it already went... (read in full...)
Help! I want to get married and he doesn't. He says that he doesn't believe in marriage!
Q. This is the first time i've done anything like this and so here goes....... I am living with my partner in a house purchased together, who I absolutely love and adore and he feels the same, this i am confident about. We have been together fo...
A. 7 December 2009: Straight up, from a male, if he doesn't want to get married, he won't.
Now you have to think. Can you live with a man who does love you and is willing to commit at every level but put that ring on your finger, or would you be better ending it now ... (read in full...)
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