| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Stay with boyfriend or go to far away college--which do I do?
Q. Hello. I have big ambitions to become a vet and i have the qualifications to go to university and do what i want. I also have a boyfriend with whom i've been with since i was just 13. So we are extremely close. The problem is the uni i want to go to ...
A. 14 December 2009: It comes down to a choice, and one of you will be hurt. All I can do is say this. Your life's dream is to be a vet. Perhaps you should follow your dream. You don't want to look back in twenty years time and realize you sacrificed your dream and are ... (read in full...)
He's insisting on seeing me and I don't know if I can do it
Q. so i broke up with my bf, and he insists on being on good terms with me.. i know he loves me and he might have hope or maybe im wrong. but he just asked me out to dinner and hes like im not asking u im telling you. i want us to be good terms and we ...
A. 14 December 2009: I'm sorry, but you have to end contact with him. He said 'I'm not asking you, I'm telling you'. Don't be bullied by him into something you don't want to do. Your instinct is telling you it's wrong, so trust your instinct. My advice really is to let ... (read in full...)
Things are tearing us apart, how do I fix them?
Q. ive been with this girl for 8 months now, at first it was great...but things in her family and things that happened between us are commanly beign brought up now and it is tearing us apart and i dont want to break up with her, i love her... how could ...
A. 14 December 2009: You tell her how much she means to you, then you explain that you're worried that your relationship is falling apart. Then you say that you'd like to fix it, and you ask her what you can do to make it better. Then you listen. And listen to every ... (read in full...)
How can I best help this relationship grow without putting too much pressure on?
Q. Need a guy's opinion - I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful man. We have been dating for a less than a year so we are still learning one another. I just turned 30 and this is, sad to say, my first serious relationship. He has pretty ...
A. 14 December 2009: The key to understanding male emotions is this. We do not talk about anything, at all, until we feel we have either dealt with it, or we feel that we can safely say something without being ridiculed or hurt. Therefore, when your boyfriend is mad, ... (read in full...)
When you are friends with your ex, what is the best way to act to get him to show even more interest?
Q. Well I have a very simple question and I hope I can get as many replies as possible ... males and females pleasssseee ... so here's my question when your friends with your ex and he is giving you mixed signals what is the best way to act to get him ...
A. 14 December 2009: He is your ex, because he was not the guy for you. And that's the problem. You want to believe he's the one. But how can he be? He's your ex. The fact is if he really liked you that much, he would be with you. And if he had made a mistake, he would ... (read in full...)
She cheated and I didnt...but she says she doesn't remember the details..
Q. My gf is currently studying abroad in Italy. She gets back in a week. We were dating before she left and then I suggested we take a break while she's away. When she was in Europe there was a guy who showed a lot of interest in her and I didn't ...
A. 14 December 2009: Sounds a bit suspicious to me. It went from them having to sex to nothing. I think you need to do more thinking about it all.... (read in full...)
She cheated and I didnt...but she says she doesn't remember the details..
Q. My gf is currently studying abroad in Italy. She gets back in a week. We were dating before she left and then I suggested we take a break while she's away. When she was in Europe there was a guy who showed a lot of interest in her and I didn't ...
A. 14 December 2009: Hm. I'm always a little suspicious of people who say they can't remember anything. Sometimes, that indicates rape. But neither remembers anything, so I think it's safe to say they were both incredibly drunk.
You have to ask yourself a ques... (read in full...)
The man I am involved with is waiting for a married woman, how do I get rid of her from our lives?
Q. I'm seeing a man who has been involved with a married woman for a few years, she tells him that she will leave her husband but they have children and has yet to do so, how do I get her out of our lives....
A. 14 December 2009: You don't get rid of her. You get rid of him. He doesn't love you, he's just using you.... (read in full...)
I'm worried I could end up marrying the wrong person! Should I accept him or let him go?
Q. I've been with my fiance a year now, he proposed to me 8mths ago, but since then he's been going off and on. for no reasons he'll start avoiding me later he'll come back and beg me. Last 2 month he came to my house i saw him off, when he got home...
A. 14 December 2009: I'm afraid you have to let him go entirely. You're only going to end up really hurt. ... (read in full...)
Have you given into the "what if??"
Q. So I've posted quite recently in the past couple of weeks about my boyfriend who was using an internet dating site and if I should break up with him. I ended up breaking up with him but I really want to take him back. I'm so confused and don...
A. 14 December 2009: I never played the 'what if' card, and I'm happier for it, I'll be honest. I was cheated on, and she begged to even just remain friends. I cut all contact. It was the best thing I could have done, because now I'm with someone who's far better. Some ... (read in full...)
Pregnant and alone again...Should I abort? will I have regrets?
Q. I'm pregnant and very depressed. Its very hard for anyone to understand what I'm going through. I already have a 17 year old son which I raised alone which was damn hard and now I'm pregnant again and I'm alone again. I'm starting all over again ...
A. 14 December 2009: I'm sure it is very hard for you, but the one thing that can be said is that you've raised a child alone once, so you can do it again. I think perhaps your depression mixed with the feeling of pregnancy might be causing you a lot of pain, and you ... (read in full...)
Please help me understand boys!
Q. hi i need help understanding boys. how they flirt, what they enjoy talking about, what they find funny, are they really as laid back as they seem. any thing really cos i am clueless. so if any guys or gals here have any info on how boys tick please...
A. 14 December 2009: Gadgets, sports, jokes (varying from dirty jokes to very clever jokes) films, being with friends. We also like a confident girl too, so be confident with yourself as well, and you'll get attention.... (read in full...)
Why did he want me to move in when everything I does annoys him?
Q. Hi, I have been in a relationship for 3 years, he has asked me to move in with him, which is great but since then he has changed towards me. he talks to me like I am a child I feel like I am being told off constantly, I don't do that right I don't ...
A. 14 December 2009: I think you're second best to him, I really do. I know you're confused, but now you have found those emails and he treats you badly. Those are two very good reasons to leave. Don't stay with a man who doesn't love you enough. ... (read in full...)
My girl is sexually selfish!
Q. It always atarts off that we have fool around really wild and dirty, then she wants me to eat her out, she comes, and afterwards, she won't get me off; she's suddenly "too tired," or if she "tries" she will complain about how tired she is, how much ...
A. 13 December 2009: She may be shy, or she has had bad experience. Or she may just be not that into you. Either way, you really need to talk to her and say that you feel unappreciated and taken for granted. Ask her why she feels the way she does, and warn her that it ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend of 13 wont even kiss me, she is frigid!
Q. Ok i am 13 years old and have a girlfriend who is friged but dosent want to be and she gets scared and backs away when i try to kiss OR EVEN HUG HER i like her alot and really dont want to dump her but for weeks now it seems that she dosent even ...
A. 13 December 2009: First of all, don't beat that guy up. Girls are not impressed with a violent tough guy. Not the happy ones anyway.
It sounds to me like your girlfriend us just very nervous. You're still young, as is she, so don't rush it. Just spend time with her,... (read in full...)
It took him three years to decide he didnt like my past and he dumped me!
Q. My boyfriend of three years just dumped me. He has issues with my past from a long time, and yet again he's giving me hard time over it. He said he feels he will never be able to forgive me. I never did anything too wild in my past, but he knew a ...
A. 13 December 2009: It will take you time to get over this, but you can. This guy used you, and never really got to know you. I know you want him, but taking the emotion out of it, you're wanting a guy who doesn't accept who you are and doesn't care about you at all. ... (read in full...)
I'm always the one to fix things after a fight!
Q. well ...me and my bf got into an arguement ..nd he got really angry and told me not to text or call him anymore that he will do it whenever he feelz like it ...he also told me to do whatever the f**** i want nd that he'll do the same..so im asssumin ...
A. 13 December 2009: I think you need to end it to be honest. He was very cruel to you, and let's be fair, you're always apologizing. Do you want the rest of your life with him, where all you do is argue and take the blame while he has a tantrum and goes off, or do you ... (read in full...)
I try to have sex and my husband pushes me away
Q. I am so confused and don't know what to do. I feel so distant from my husband. He does not seem to realize it but I feel like he is pushing me away. For the past three to four months he has been slowly doing this and it has been getting worse. He is ...
A. 13 December 2009: Maybe parenting is getting to him a bit. Perhaps he wasn't as ready as he pretended to be when he talked about marriage and kids. But this needs to be resolved, and I think you need to tell him he is neglecting you and you would like to sort it out, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got another girl pregnant but when I confront him he's denying it!!!
Q. I recently found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend that's pregnant and he told me its not what i think. I really like him, and im like falling apart without him. He called me the other day becuase he didnt know i knew about it. Then aft...
A. 13 December 2009: I entirely agree with the other post. You think you will fall apart without this guy? He is a liar, and a cheat. It is what you think, so dump him and find someone who won't hurt you. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't act like he loves me!
Q. My boyfriend said he loves me but doesnt act like he loves me! he wont hold my hand when his friends are around but he held his ex-girlfriends hand all the time! should i tell him how i feel or just leave him?...
A. 13 December 2009: Try telling him how you feel first. Sometimes men need a wake up call to get them moving again. But also remember that a man can be measure by his actions, so if he doesn't start to show you affection, he probably isn't the guy for you. But try ... (read in full...)
Is it worth it for me to stay with him, or let him go with all the drama that follows?
Q. I've been dating my current boyfriend for about 8 months now. DUring our relationship I broke up with him because i thought he was cheating because of text messages and phone calls he received. Not long after we broke up he called me pleading his ...
A. 11 December 2009: He cheated, lied, has another women pregnant. I think you're a saint for taking him back. But I think all your love and feelings are wasted on him. He even emotionally blackmailed you. This man has to face up to his responsibilities. If he's a ... (read in full...)
Married sex issues! He says I take too long to orgasm.
Q. I've been married for two years been with him total 10.5 yrs. I enjoy giving oral...he does not..he says I take too long...and has "sighed" in the middle of it once. I seem to only get oral when he's been away with work...like it's a welcome home ...
A. 11 December 2009: I don't pretend to know much about women, but I do know you have to put effort in! And your husband isn't. Too long to orgasm!!! Maybe he's just not doing it right! I agree with honeygirl. Unless he works harder, ban him from oral. He has to ... (read in full...)
Is this a phase you hit when you are under pressure?
Q. I've been thinking about this other guy lately. He and I dated a few years ago but never got to see eachother so we decided to just be friends. I'm getting married soon to the most amazing guy ever and I really do love him with all my heart... I ...
A. 11 December 2009: I'm not sure you're ready to marry just yet. If you were ready, believe me you wouldn't have these thoughts about your ex, you'd be totally for your fiance. I think you need to do some thinking about what you want from life, and really think about ... (read in full...)
He is a lovely man but his hairy back turns me off!
Q. Ive met this lovely man after a very unhappy 3 yr being in a mental abuse relationship and didnt believe there could be any nice men out there! Ive been single a yr got my head sorted with counciling and finally ready to move on! And thats when this ...
A. 10 December 2009: He did say he would wax it off for you. So I would suggest reminding him once more. If he doesn't' do it after that, then book him a session and take him there, telling him it's a present for him. It's more likely he's scared of being hurt.... (read in full...)
It's so stressful to equally like four people - what do I do?
Q. Has anyone reading this ever Loved or had Lust for more than 1 person at the same time. Well thats the way my life leads at the moment. I have around 3 or 4 people that I really like all equally. Firstly there is my friend from Canada. I have r...
A. 10 December 2009: It's very simple. If you can't choose between them, then none of these guys is the one. If there was a guy in this group of four who was meant for you, you would have known and you would have been with him. I think you need to look elsewhere for ... (read in full...)
Why do married men have affairs with less attractive women?
Q. On a Dr. Phil show it was said that 80 percent of married men have affairs with women who are less attractive than their wives, why do married men choose women who are less attractive, my husband had an affair and the women was not what I ever ...
A. 10 December 2009: Nine times out of ten, when a man has an affair, it's to do with sex. I don't mean this disrespectfully, but perhaps the less attractive one has self esteem issues, so was ready to give it away, no matter whether the guy was married or not.... (read in full...)
I was in love with him, until he fell in love with me...
Q. I'm really confused at the moment. I really liked this guy, I kept thinking about him all the time. Then he told me he liked me and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said no. I have no idea why, but as soon as he started to like me, I completey ...
A. 10 December 2009: A girl once did this to me. She liked me, when I showed me interest, she didn't, then she liked me and by then it was too late. Either you want what you can't have, or he's not the guy for you. If he was, your feelings would be clearer. since you're ... (read in full...)
Should I bring this very dodgy subject up with my boyfriend?
Q. I was hanging out with my boyfriend the other day and he was all going through my phone (of course i didnt have anything to hide) but anyways, then he kept trying to take pictures of me and i was being dumb and like shy so then he had to get the ...
A. 10 December 2009: Snooping leads to danger. Sometimes you find something terrible, sometimes nothing, sometimes something that seems terrible, but isn't. I don't think it's worth bringing it up with him. I think you need to trust him. The reason being, he already ... (read in full...)
Why is my on/off older boyfriend making my pregnancy so miserable??
Q. I have been going out with a man much older then me for a year and a half. The relationship has been rocky - on and off and I have lost count of the silly breakups and makeups. I am currently half way through a pregnancy and would like opinions on ...
A. 10 December 2009: Simply put, he wasn't ready, and still isn't ready to face fatherhood. He needs to face up to it at some point, and a DNA test will shock him when it comes back positive. I half wonder if he isn't driving you away so he can avoid being a Dad. In any ... (read in full...)
My b/f talks to his former FWB daily. Is he in love with her?
Q. I have a problem. I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 5 months now, and though it hasn't been easy (we both have some baggage), we're very happy together. We have awesome sexual chemistry, we laugh together and share lots of experiences and ...
A. 10 December 2009: Sorry, but this guy is far too into her. I don't think he would leave you for her, because it sounds like he doesn't want her as a wife. But to say if you made him choose he would choose her is something else. If he can't handle an independent women ... (read in full...)
We are not going out and he started touching me, does he like me?
Q. well thers this guy and we're not goin out or any thing but when we snogged he got close to me and started fellin me up what does this mean does it mean he like me as more than a friend...
A. 10 December 2009: Given the fact he snogged you in the first place, I would say yes. But get to know him first, don't just let him use you.... (read in full...)
How will I know when he wants to kiss me?
Q. i have a boyfriend and we have never been on a date and i want 2 know how will i know when he wants to kiss me on our date...
A. 10 December 2009: You'll know it because it will happen naturally when it's supposed to. So don't worry.... (read in full...)
Does a guy like you if he asks for your MSN?
Q. If a guy ask you for your msn does that does to show that he is interested in you?...
A. 10 December 2009: He likes you. But he has to also be able to speak to you face to face, so get to know him more yet.... (read in full...)
What do I do if my feelings aren't as strong as his?
Q. Yesterday I decided to say yes to this guy who asked me out and has really liked me for a while, it was a hard decision because I wasn't sure I wanted a relationship and I thought it would be weird for him because he likes me more than I like him. ...
A. 10 December 2009: You're still a young lady, and you're still trying to find out who you are. You said it all when you said you did't think you wanted a relationship. It sounds to me like you would be happier and benefit a lot more if you ended it and just spent time ... (read in full...)
Is this a phase you hit when you are under pressure?
Q. I've been thinking about this other guy lately. He and I dated a few years ago but never got to see eachother so we decided to just be friends. I'm getting married soon to the most amazing guy ever and I really do love him with all my heart... I ...
A. 10 December 2009: Yes, I'd also like to check your age. ... (read in full...)
Is he just using me if he doesn't want to marry me?
Q. I have been with this man for going on three years,he shows me in many ways that he truely loves me,but he wont marry me or even make plans,he just tells me we cant aford it.that makes me think all he wants is a clean house to come home to and ...
A. 10 December 2009: Some people don't believe in marriage for numerous reasons. Some are very scared because it has gone wrong before, some just don't believe it works anymore. Your guys seems to be a bit of a commitment phobe to be honest. He's had a few other women ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my fiance about my feelings or forget my ex all together?
Q. i'm currently engaged to my high school sweetheart of almost 4 years. But this past spring, we took a break and i dated another guy for almost 6 months and was forced to break up with him by my controlling mother. i can't stop thinking about him, ...
A. 10 December 2009: I think this is a sign to stop the engagement. If you try to forget your ex for the sake of your current relationship and future marriage, rather than for get him for your own sake, then you're not going to get over him. You say if you could find a ... (read in full...)
She has a boyfriend so how can I get over her?
Q. How do you fall out of love with someone that has a boyfriend and you see everyday? I teach a class at the gym and go almost everyday, and for the last 4months there has been a very attractive girl going, i worked up a conversation wit...
A. 10 December 2009: I'm really sorry about what happened. She used you as a quick fix to her problems and it hasn't worked. All you can do is work to get over her by making sure you're meeting other people, spending time on yourself and meeting up with friends and just ... (read in full...)
He is the sweetest guy but after a month I don't want to date him any more!
Q. I have the sweetest guy ever. He's the one every girl wants but the thing is I don't want him and I don't know what to do because he's so in love with me. We've known each other for a year but just started dating a month ago and now Im just tired of ...
A. 10 December 2009: You know what you have to do. End it. Yes, it will hurt him, but he will get over it given time. ... (read in full...)
Should I carry on trying to act like I believe in this fantasy?
Q. Hi sorry really long post. I ignored my intuition and moved back in with my ex husband again, we kept splitting up because he refused to have babies or commit to anything except work. Years later I am stuck in my ex husband's house. Before we were ...
A. 10 December 2009: I'd like to be able to say yes, you could sort it out. But if you actually take away the emotion and look at the facts, it's hopeless. He and you never really do anything together, with him claiming he's broke, he makes all decisions and tells you ... (read in full...)
Why do people like to inflict pain on me?
Q. I've always wondered this and it's getting worse by the months. More and more people tend to be horrible to me and i don't know why. Is it because of the person i am? Or what? People like to afflict pain on me. Why? For example, one of my friend...
A. 10 December 2009: Because you provide a reaction. The answer is, never put yourself in a situation where you end up being hurt. Always make sure you do work, always make sure you're present to do work, and don't play games with your friends. If you give a reaction, ... (read in full...)
Should I carry on trying to act like I believe in this fantasy?
Q. Hi sorry really long post. I ignored my intuition and moved back in with my ex husband again, we kept splitting up because he refused to have babies or commit to anything except work. Years later I am stuck in my ex husband's house. Before we were ...
A. 10 December 2009: This man is a controlling nightmare. You're married, so you can divorce and he has to pay for you. Go to a solicitor, see what you can get and get away, go abroad and have a wonderful holiday and live. Don't stay with this guy. He may not be evil, ... (read in full...)
Why did he want me to move in when everything I does annoys him?
Q. Hi, I have been in a relationship for 3 years, he has asked me to move in with him, which is great but since then he has changed towards me. he talks to me like I am a child I feel like I am being told off constantly, I don't do that right I don't ...
A. 19 October 2009: He's trying to change you. That means he probably still loves an ex and wants you to be her. A man who loves you accepts you as you are. Don't change. Tell him to stop controlling you. If he doesn't, leave him. He will destroy your confidence ... (read in full...)
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