| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Can he get away with leaving me nowhere to live and without my belongings?
Q. Hi, I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, I feel tricked and not sure what to do. After asking my husband for a divorce in the heat of the moment, I left for a few weeks to think about it. I came back to him and suggested we go for counselling,...
A. 7 December 2009: Yes, you will. speak to the citizen's advice, and they can help. He might be clever, but he has been a little too clever for his own good this time. ... (read in full...)
Loving a pregnant teacher
Q. I never thought that I was a lesbian until I saw this new teacher at school. She came in the second term and she was just perfect.I dont have any friends at school and so I am usually very friendly and nice with the teachers.She was so nice with me ...
A. 7 December 2009: I don't think you need to tell her at all. I think that would only worry her at a time when she doesn't need to be worried.... (read in full...)
He's been a flirt recently, and we just cuddled on a long bus ride....what does this mean?
Q. so i am a freshman in high school, and he is senior... he has has been a little flirt lately, he will hug me, touch me, just be so sweet around me. well, i thought it was just him being like that. but he sat next to me on a 3 1/2 hour bus ride. and ...
A. 7 December 2009: He likes you. Get talking to him more, and see where it takes you. ... (read in full...)
Too young to have sex?
Q. [Mod note: two questions from same user combined here.] Q1: i have alwasy had a gut feeling to wait for the perfect guy. and to not have sex until marriage or to wait till i am older to have sex. ive had boyyrfirneds in the past but im in love wi...
A. 7 December 2009: Yes, do wait. Your friend who lost it without love will certainly regret it later on in life. There's no rush, and it's better to lose it to the right person.... (read in full...)
Should I marry him?
Q. I made a rash decision to have a baby girl with a man whom I dont love, but he loves me very much. He is 10 years older than me, and at a point in life where he wants to start a family. I don't love him, but I want my daughter to have a family. ...
A. 7 December 2009: If you don't love him, don't be with him. If you do marry him, it won't be long before you find someone else, just because you want to love someone. Don't set yourself up for more hurt down the line. End it now.... (read in full...)
Why will my girlfriend not tell me her secret?
Q. There's a girl who told me she has a secret that makes her cry every time she thinks about it. she wont tell me at all and we're going out. She's dropped a couple hints here and there but I'm confused about the whole thing.... I think she is being ...
A. 7 December 2009: Just be there for her and give her support. She may know you trust her, but she may either be ashamed or scared what will happens if she says anything.... (read in full...)
Trouble gaining closure...
Q. I am having trouble gaining closure with my relationship as I still can't get to grips with the fact that my boyfriend severed contact with me with no explanation after nearly 2 1/2 years together. I don't want people to say 'what a jerk' an...
A. 7 December 2009: I have this feeling in the back of my mind that he found someone else. I don't know that for sure, but he obviously disappeared and even his mother didn't know where he was. That means either he was with another woman, or he was on a quest to find ... (read in full...)
Bored out my skull after nearly 4 years in relationship - please help?
Q. Hey everyone, I've been in a relationship with my Gf for nearly 4 years now and well im starting to become really really fed up of things atm. When we first went out it was cool, we were going out doing the usual things, cinemas meals etc ...
A. 7 December 2009: I think you know what I'm going to say in part.
Time to move on.
However, that's not all. I think you've suffered a huge shock in not being able to do the career you wanted to and I half wonder if you're not slipping into depression.
So it's t... (read in full...)
I DON'T want to be just another notch on his bedpost!
Q. I have had a crush on this guy who works at his families hair dressers for over a year now. He is a single parent and his mother and sisters are sonice towards me. I have developed good friendships with them. One of the sisters was trying to ki...
A. 7 December 2009: I know. It's not easy being the guy and having to ask someone out either. Lord knows I've been turned down a lot. But eventually I found a woman I really liked :). Be brave :). he seems to like you, so you can afford to take a chance. Or if ... (read in full...)
I DON'T want to be just another notch on his bedpost!
Q. I have had a crush on this guy who works at his families hair dressers for over a year now. He is a single parent and his mother and sisters are sonice towards me. I have developed good friendships with them. One of the sisters was trying to ki...
A. 7 December 2009: I don't think asking him out on a date will do much harm. A man is measured by actions, not words. So be brave and ask him on a date or something. Just because other women fancy him doesn't mean he will use you. Just take your time getting to know ... (read in full...)
Should I try talking to him or just give it up? We haven't talked in weeks.
Q. Let me know if I am wrong here seriously. This guy I were friends with for many years. He had a girlfriend. She hated me cause we were friends. NOTHING happened!! This girl moved in. He swore to me he did not ask her-that she just brought her stu...
A. 7 December 2009: I think you've wandered into a mess you didn't see coming (I don't blame you or anything). This guy seems like he doesn't know what he wants or anything.
My advice, let him go. You have't spoken in weeks, which proves he isn't all that bothered to b... (read in full...)
Sooooo unhappy in my marriage...
Q. Hello, I'm 20 years old, got married at 18 and feel that I made a huge mistake. Yea I know.. most are gonna think "umm yea of course you did". I knew my husband for a year before I got married and now I feel like I should have gotten to know him ...
A. 6 December 2009: He will not change. This kind of man does not change. He is a vicious, spiteful man who will do nothing but hurt and control you, and you need to get away from him. What you did was very brave when you moved away. Unfortunately, this guy has been ... (read in full...)
He wants me to have his baby but I'm so not ready yet! How do I tell him?
Q. Ok! I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and hes soooooooooo ready for me to have his baby. I love him so much thats my baby but I'm not ready yet. I want to but not just yet. How do I tell him this??????...
A. 6 December 2009: You have to be firm and say that you aren't ready yet. Remind him that you're the one who has to carry the baby for 9 months, and that you bear the brunt of most of the parenting. Also, be aware that me do use babies as a way of trapping a woman, so ... (read in full...)
Losing control with teenagers!
Q. A couple of days ago I asked for help with my teenage sons and mentioned that I removed the older from my home due to violence. i had a few good helpful responses. This evening I asked my 15 year to wash his hair. I gave him money for barber...
A. 6 December 2009: I remember this. I think if it's getting this bad, you need to speak to your doctor and see if you can get yourself and your boys counselling. There are a lot of emotions all flying around here, and none are making any sense because no one is just ... (read in full...)
Do I confront my friend about her disrespectful ways?
Q. Hey, Need some help with a fairly awkward situation with one of my best friends. This last weekend, I went away home to my parents house for the entire weekend. On the friday night, my other flatmates had a big party - which I was ok with, no ...
A. 6 December 2009: I have to be honest, I would confront her. I think it's good of you to be worried about her, and please don't stop worrying. But I think you need to put her in her place about having sex in your bed, which is out of order. I would suggest you simply ... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from my boyfriend in almost 2 weeks...
Q. I havent talked to my boyfriend in almost 2 weeks. I messaged him on facebook and asked him what's going on and he messaged me back last night and said "you told me to f*** off, so I did." I dont remember ever saying that to him, and it doesnt m...
A. 6 December 2009: God only knows what happened here. But if he won't talk about it, there's really no future. Could it be that someone else sent something to him and he thought it was from you?
Also, since he didn't show at your house, there is another poss... (read in full...)
How can I get past this emotional baggage and not be so upset?
Q. Hey everyone, I've asked a couple of questions here before. I'm not really sure how to phrase this as a question, I just need some advice. Bear with me as it's a bit of a long story. There's this guy, "Chaz", who I met about three and a half years ...
A. 6 December 2009: Well, you need to focus on your own life now. You're dating someone, so focus on him. I'm sure it was a blow to you. I think he still fancied you, and was hoping you'd come back. It's a shame, yes, but at the same time, if you hadn't done it, you ... (read in full...)
Why will my girlfriend not tell me her secret?
Q. There's a girl who told me she has a secret that makes her cry every time she thinks about it. she wont tell me at all and we're going out. She's dropped a couple hints here and there but I'm confused about the whole thing.... I think she is being ...
A. 6 December 2009: The reason she won't say anything is because she'll be terrified that she'll be judged, or that everyone will turn away from her. Watch her carefully, and maybe tell another adult that you think something is wrong (maybe your parents). You need to ... (read in full...)
I can't live with you and I can't live without you...
Q. What does it mean when someone says I do not know what I am going to do with you then says I cant live with you and I cant live without you. Then you ask if they do want to live without you and they say no. Please explain. I have been getting ...
A. 6 December 2009: It means he's confused. Which in turn means his commitment isn't as strong as it should be. When a man (or a woman for that matter) is in love that much, there is no confusion. It means that you need to really do some thinking about whether you ... (read in full...)
Is it true that the girl that gets away is the one you always want?
Q. I have a question I'd like to ask to most guys who have been through something like this but any advice would help. Is it true that the girl that gets away is the one you always want? I was in a relationship and I was in love with her and she told ...
A. 6 December 2009: No, not at all. I'm with the girl I want, though I did think what you are just before I met her when I had my heart broke too. I think you need to spend more time on your own life, working out what you want and making sure you're meeting other ... (read in full...)
I need help with harder erections with girlfriend!
Q. my gf wants to give me a handjob but i dont get super super hard while we makeout. she usually straddles me and we makeout while i caress her boobs and her bum and other places and the makeout is intense and i get semi hard but i never pull it out ...
A. 6 December 2009: The problem is that you're distracted. When any man has other things on his mind, erections can be difficult to maintain. So instead, focus on the other problems and enjoy being with your girlfriend. Everything will work if you work out what other ... (read in full...)
He keeps saying we don't have a future after 2 years!
Q. So me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 2 years. But whenever i want to talk to him about the future, he freaks out and we always end up having a huge argument and we both end up crying. In the end he always apologises and we make up ...
A. 6 December 2009: End it. He has said he sees you having no future. So that means at some point he will only dump you. I have an awful feeling he's only using you. There will be a lovely guy out there who will love you and want to be with you. But really think about ... (read in full...)
Are his feelings when he's drunk his true feelings for me???
Q. ok so i dont know if this guy likes me or not. We are really close friends and when he is drunk he seriously tries it on with me... every time but sober he doesnt act the same way. he bearly talks to me sometimes. The only time we properly chat is ...
A. 6 December 2009: Drunken feelings are more to do with lust than love. I would suggest talking to him face to face when he's sober about how he feels. He might like you a lot, or he might be trying to have sex with you and nothing else. You really need to talk to him ... (read in full...)
I haven't been on my period for nearly 6 months now!
Q. I am 17 and i havent been on my period for nearly 6 months now. My last period was near the end of july and it is now december. I had sex in september and tried a withdrawel after the condom splitting. I have been to a clinic and took a pregnancy ...
A. 6 December 2009: Sweetie, back to the doctor. Either you're pregnant, or you might be ill. Either way you need to know and quite quickly.... (read in full...)
Can having diahorrea affect the pill?
Q. Hi I know this may be kinda gross but i still need to ask. My boyfriend of five years and I use the pill as our form of contraception, we have never used condoms as we dont enjoy using them. Anyway for the past few weeks i have had diahorrea on and ...
A. 6 December 2009: I know I'm a male, but I do know that an illness and this kind of thing can affect the working of the pill. When you're at the doctor, make sure you talk to him. He will explain all, I'm sure.... (read in full...)
If she's dating a guy, why does she need me to at all?
Q. I became very close friends with a woman from school who told me that for the first part of our friendship, she had been trying to get me to leave my girlfriend for her, but she's not interested anymore because she doesn't want to be involved in a ...
A. 6 December 2009: Yes, you should be complimenting your girlfriend, and not making contact with this woman. That's going to cause you more trouble. Forget this woman, cut contact even though you feel bad, and focus on your girlfriend instead, before you get into more ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to go about getting him to see me as a girl, rather than a friend...
Q. Hey :) Well ive just started a new job as a waitress, and ive met lots of new people. Theres a guy who works behind the bar, and im sorta interessted in him. But I dont think he would be interessted back for the following reasons: Im the younges...
A. 6 December 2009: Yes, first of all, quit putting yourself down. We men like women to have confidence in themselves. And how can you say he won't like you? You haven't really got to know him much yet, so start there. Get to know him more. He did invite you out, so ... (read in full...)
Infatuated for over a year with him, he feels something too
Q. I'll keep this short. Basically, I am really infatuated with a guy i've known a little over a year. I told him in the early stage of our friendship (i.e. 1 month after we'd known each other) however, he made up some excuse to let me down gently. ...
A. 6 December 2009: I know how you feel. I've been there. When I was at school, I asked ten girls out, and they all said no. So I didn't ask out number 11. Turned out she really liked me. So when I finally met another woman I liked, I did ask her out and I'm still with ... (read in full...)
Can he get away with leaving me nowhere to live and without my belongings?
Q. Hi, I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, I feel tricked and not sure what to do. After asking my husband for a divorce in the heat of the moment, I left for a few weeks to think about it. I came back to him and suggested we go for counselling,...
A. 6 December 2009: No, he can't. Anything that was bought for you is yours, and he has to pay you maintenance because you were married to him. Go to this internet site www.citizensadvice.org.uk and find out where your nearest branch is by typing the postcode in ... (read in full...)
My mum wants my weekends!
Q. OK, so my parents hav split up. Not legally but they dont live together and dont love each other anymore. I have a girlfriend which im really seriosu about and want to be with her as much as possible. The thing is that my mum wants to see me almost ...
A. 6 December 2009: Yes, every mum does find it hard, but a lot handle it far more well that your mum, and I think she's relying on you for support at this time. Just to be safe, so your girlfriend at least understands, tell her that you're just having some ... (read in full...)
Do wonderful relationships just "happen" or do they take work
Q. Just curious on what your take is on this, because I've heard two different camps. A lot of people on this site say relationships take work and you need to work at it to keep it in good order; then there are other people who say that when you're in ...
A. 6 December 2009: A long term relationship, where both people are happy, takes work and understanding. I can understand people saying it just happens, short term. But it takes work. Sometimes, people say it's easy because it seems to be working. Really, it may not ... (read in full...)
Does a calorie switiching diet work?
Q. Does anybody has experience here,with calorie switching diet. I'm planning to lose weight safely,and I heard great results.. Do you have any tips,and if you liked it or not?And does it really work? ...
A. 6 December 2009: Hi,
Best advice I have about diets is to talk to your doctor. They can tell you what's safe and what's not. Then you know for sure what you can and can't do safely.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
I can't force myself to go on anymore
Q. Hi everyone, I have broken up with my boyfriend about 3 months ago and we had been together almost 8 years. He went to study abroad and we therefore decided to split, but its very very hard and i cry everyday. The thing is im also suffering from p...
A. 6 December 2009: Hi there,
You're still suffering from depression, so I think you should go back to the doctor. They may put you back on antidepressants, or they may send you to a counsellor so you can talk about how you feel. 8 years is a long time, so I'm sure... (read in full...)
Why do girls stay with the bad guys?
Q. Why do girls always stay with guys that they either dont like or are mean to them? I liked this one girl a few years back and i wanted to be with her but she had a boyfriend, and she would tell me that she kinda liked me and could see something bu...
A. 6 December 2009: Some girls do it because of the excitement, some do it because it's a way of rebelling. But I asked a girl once, and she said she liked the idea of being able to turn a bad boy into a good boy that would love her, because she knew it was her that he ... (read in full...)
Loving a pregnant teacher
Q. I never thought that I was a lesbian until I saw this new teacher at school. She came in the second term and she was just perfect.I dont have any friends at school and so I am usually very friendly and nice with the teachers.She was so nice with me ...
A. 6 December 2009: She's just being friendly. I'm afraid she's a teacher, and you're a student and that's as far as it will ever go. She's married and she's having a baby. I'm afraid you have to be very brave and just work through your crush. She#s a lovely lady who ... (read in full...)
How do I block porn sites on my computer?
Q. Hello, I have been trying to block porn websites from my computer and I followed it tells me to do : open Internet explorer tools Internet options click on security tab restricted site sites add the porn site which you want to block...
A. 6 December 2009: I think you'd be safer buying a security program, simply because one of those site might have a virus on it that could wreck your computer.... (read in full...)
Why has he suddenly gone all cold with me?
Q. Hi All, I accidentally came across this site whilst trying to find ways of getting over someone. I really need some advice...my brain knows what I need to do..yet my heart isnt listening...what is the best thing to do? 3 months ago, there was a ...
A. 6 December 2009: He's married, and used you as a fling, as he had used the woman before you as nothing more than a fling as well. He didn't leave his wife for her, he wont for you. He's collected notches his bedpost. You're being used, so decide whether you want to ... (read in full...)
Unsure on how to proceed.
Q. Hey, I have been going out with this guy for 5 months now, at first it was great we spent time together he baught me flowers a few times and we went out on walks, baught each other meals and things. I was introduced to all his friends, they were ...
A. 6 December 2009: I'll take away the confusion. Getting rid of all emotion, this is a man who can't make his mind up at all. You actually summed it up. He likes to go out, waste money and come to you when he's lonely.
You've been through a lot, and clearly this... (read in full...)
What should I do to have her when she won't break up with him?
Q. Ok we have known each other for almost 2 years but we are not that close to each other. She has a bf of 5 years but she wants to end the relationship. Her bf just wouldn't allow for a brake up. They broke and patch back many times. She started ...
A. 6 December 2009: I know you adore this girl, and you want to rescue her. But believe me, it all has to come from her. She has got to leave him, make it clear that she won't go back. If he continues, she must report him. There is nothing you can do, unless she does ... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant again? And is the love I feel for my boyfriend real because he is my first?
Q. Moderator's Note: 2 questions from the same poster have been merged into one post. Question 1: I have been pregnant before, but had an abortion becasue my boyfriend and i werent mature enough or financially stable enough to have a child. This was...
A. 6 December 2009: Your friends are wrong. You shouldn't just go with someone else to see how you feel. If you do, you'll lose your boyfriend and be unhappy. He's with you, he loves you, and you love him. Don't listen to your friends this time.
As for the preg... (read in full...)
How can I get attention off of my friends and on to me?
Q. I have drop dead gorgeous friends. Everytime I go out, they always get all the attention. The only type of attention I get is the buddy buddy status. No one looks at me like I could be a potential girlfriend or something, unless they get to know me ...
A. 6 December 2009: I bet you're not nearly as bad as you think you are. The thing about men is we can sense underconfident women and it can scare us a bit. If you think you're not as good, then those guys will see that and be scared. You need to be more confident ... (read in full...)
I feel stuck in my own personal rut and I don't know how to get out of it!
Q. My boyfriend and I split up today. We had our first arguement 2 months ago and things went downhill from there. His response to the arguement was to ignore me for half a week, my response was feeling very insecure and felt I was walking on ...
A. 6 December 2009: It's all going to hit you right about now. You sound like a lady who has let a lot of things pile up inside you, and it's about to burst. So this is the time to change direction and focus on yourself. Your so called boyfriend sounds like he isn't ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for thinking that something has changed or something else is going on?
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for the past year. At the beginning, when we couldn't see each other, things were great...we constantly told each other how much we wanted each other and found other ways to be intimate. Over the past 6 ...
A. 6 December 2009: I think there are a few red flags here. Cheating so early into a relationship, warning you he may not be over his ex, telling you you're ridiculous because you don't feel wanted. These are danger signs that this man is using you as a rebound, or a ... (read in full...)
What should I do to have her when she won't break up with him?
Q. Ok we have known each other for almost 2 years but we are not that close to each other. She has a bf of 5 years but she wants to end the relationship. Her bf just wouldn't allow for a brake up. They broke and patch back many times. She started ...
A. 6 December 2009: It's comes down to this. If she won't leave him, you can't have her. She has to leave him. If she doesn't, then you need to move on.... (read in full...)
Infatuated for over a year with him, he feels something too
Q. I'll keep this short. Basically, I am really infatuated with a guy i've known a little over a year. I told him in the early stage of our friendship (i.e. 1 month after we'd known each other) however, he made up some excuse to let me down gently. ...
A. 5 December 2009: You two love sick puppies! Young lady, it's time to be brave. You have a choice. Say nothing, and never be with him or know whether it could have worked, or say something and take it further. It would be a shame if you didn't say anything, and he ... (read in full...)
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