| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I snooped and found things, now how to confront him!
Q. i know its wrong of me but i recently went thru my bfs cell phone and found things that bother me. How can i confront him without him knowing i went in his phone?...
A. 9 December 2009: I'm with the others. You've snooped and found something. You can't confront him unless you say you snooped, so you have to confess and see what happens.... (read in full...)
Was I wrong? I need help!
Q. My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. After a year and a half together. He said he couldn't deal with the relationship anymore. But we still talk and try to rebuild our friendship to get back into a relationship. I feel like I have no control in ...
A. 9 December 2009: I'm with Emilyanswers. I would get rid of him. Look at his behaviour without emotion for a moment. He was a bit controlling, so you took control and he ran a mile. So he will now be sat at home just waiting for you to call so he can give you a load ... (read in full...)
How do I get my 38 year old lover back?
Q. Hey everyone, Ive got a big problem. He's 38 and im 18 and even though ive heard all the comments about robbing the cradle, hes only using you for sex. I dont care and I love him and he loved me. it all started on saturday when he came up from...
A. 9 December 2009: Sorry, but he didn't love you. If he did, he would be with you. I'm a male, and I know one thing. When a man loves a woman, he loves her and is with her. When he doesn't, he isn't with her. He was saying he loved you so it wouldn't hurt as much. So ... (read in full...)
Fiance cheated on me and I can't cope...
Q. Hi everyone, i have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and we got engaged last year. we had been very happy and everyone said we were good for each other. I am 33 and she is 23 but the age issue never even came into it, it really didnt, she was ...
A. 9 December 2009: Interestingly, your own parents have actually suggested that it was a one off, and that it won't happen again. And that's actually a good sign, because it means that even though she has hurt you, they still approve of her, so they must see something ... (read in full...)
How do I get over my anger at the girl who slept with my boyfriend?
Q. I don't know how to get over my anger at the girl that slept with my boyfiend. I think because she didn't have to deal with anything and I have lived with the aftermath for so long, my boyfriend has gotten it from me continuosly and suffered ...
A. 9 December 2009: By realizing that it wasn't her fault. no matter how much you hate her, she didn't cheat. Your boyfriend did. That's why she can get on with life without the pain. Because she didn't do anything other than sleep with someone. You have to stop the ... (read in full...)
Is / Has my girlfriend cheated on me?
Q. i'm an 18 year-old male and my girlfriend is 16 and bi-sexual. my problem is i cant trust my girlfriend cause i keep thinking that she has meesed around with someone or is messing around when im not there. the first time i noticed it was when i ca...
A. 9 December 2009: Ho, you're not paranoid. You're a nice guy who's eyes have been opened I'm afraid. She's at least kissed another guy while you wee away, you found her with some guy on the sofa with her head lying on his crotch and she's lying to you about where she ... (read in full...)
How do you get tested for STIs? and How long do I wait before getting it done?
Q. okay - firstly i was stupid enough to sleep with someone without a condom - yes, aware of this. But i am now in the wanting to get tested stage to make sure i am okay. I know chalamydia and syphilis are the most common STI's so i am gonna get tested ...
A. 9 December 2009: You can go to a Gum clinic or a health centre, or phone them beforehand (phone numbers over internet and such). Some diseases take longer to show, but they will be able to advise you. ... (read in full...)
I have her Xmas presents even though she dumped me... do I give them?
Q. My girlfriend dumped me a couple of weeks ago, Ive asked why, but been given no clear answers. I do miss her very much and am really hurting, Id like to hear from her-yes id like her back. I have already brought her, her Christmas presents. A fr...
A. 9 December 2009: Don't send them. She's ended it, and that's it. She'll probably only send them back to you anyway. Return the ones you can to the shop, the ones you can't you can store away or donate. ... (read in full...)
Does anyone maybe know why I had this dream and what it means?
Q. Does anyone maybe know why I had this dream. So it started out with me sitting with my friends and then a guy came over to sit with us. The guy which we will call um Jerami (fake name for the story). So Jerami and I started talking and that...
A. 9 December 2009: You may have barely knew the guy, but I think you probably fancied him.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's dad hates me!
Q. I think i need some solid advice here... the story is that at the moment i feel really down. i have spoken to my bf about it but he dosent think that im as depressed as i think i am. as it is at the moment money from my part is really tough. ive ...
A. 9 December 2009: You're in Britain, and if you go to your doctor, they can refer you to counselling as part of your treatment. I'm afraid there's little you can do, though to be honest it's more about what your boyfriend can do. He has to stand up for you. I would ... (read in full...)
Flaky girlfriend never calls or is always late (but didn't used to be)
Q. This girl and I were together 4 years, broke up, had new FB/GFs and then got back together (sort of). She often says she'll call me at a certain time, or we'll hang out, but then I don't ever hear from her, or she'll call hours later to cancel our ...
A. 9 December 2009: She's not worth the time. Either there's someone else, or she's just not bothered.... (read in full...)
Her ex boyfriend won't leave us alone and refuses to believe she has moved on!
Q. I have been dating this girl for the past 7 months and we are very happy together. There is a problem though, her exboyfriend will not accept that they are not together any more. She has told him several times to move on but he refuses to do so. He ...
A. 9 December 2009: Get a lawyer, get a restraining order. There's now no other way to do it. And don't give in to his 'tough guy' talk either. ... (read in full...)
G/f asked me to clean house, I did, and now she's mad!
Q. Alright, I was hinted at by my girlfriend to clean the house. So, I did. All of her crap that was just hanging out around the house I heaped on her bed. (I learned a long time ago to never put away another person's things because they NEV...
A. 9 December 2009: When she said clean the house, she meant clean everything but her stuff. I'd talk to her and ask her why she's unhappy. Then she can tell you.... (read in full...)
She said she'd dump b/f and came back with an engagement ring!
Q. My girlfriend fell in love with me and promised to dump her boyfriend, so that she could be free to be with me. After a couple of months at sea(She was in the military) she returned with an engagement ring. I was devistated... She told me that ...
A. 9 December 2009: No, you're just the entertainment. That's all. Get away from this woman. If she loved you, she'd be with you, not him.... (read in full...)
Ex 'poked' me on facebook?
Q. My ex boyfriend of 8 months dumped me last week by text because he 'didn't want the commitment of a girlfriend anymore'. So I was upset obviously but I wished him all the best in his life and good luck with exams etc and we said our goodbyes...
A. 8 December 2009: It means he's immature and doesn't know what goodbye means. My advice: continue to ignore so you can carry on getting over him.... (read in full...)
Calling all males, can you tell if a girl likes you?
Q. Right. Simple question, more complicated answers I guess. I've read lots of times on here before that men and all males in general are rubbish at noticing signs that a girl likes them. Apparently they have no clue until they're told. I know girls te...
A. 8 December 2009: The problem is girls flirt far more than guys. So if you smile at a guy, he has to sit there and figure out whether it's a friendly smile, or whether you're interested. Guys are rubbish to be honest, because girls are very good at sending out too ... (read in full...)
I can't understand why he must have a girlfriend when he could have me anytime he wanted.
Q. hello everybody, I have a problem with my ex, we saw each other after our break up and I did that because he said that he loved me, but after one year of beeing with him whenever he wanted me and seeing him with his new girlfriend, I just couldn't ...
A. 8 December 2009: Well done. I'm afraid there was nothing special, he was using you and his girlfriend. You can find a better guy than him, so delete his numbers, stay strong and find someone else who won't hurt you.... (read in full...)
Why won't my boyfriend meet my parents?
Q. Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months now. We dated for 2 months before then we broke up and got back together. He won't meet my parents because he thinks it "puts too much pressure on our relationship"... What does this mean? Why is he so...
A. 8 December 2009: He's scared because they may not like him. All men are scared, especially of a possible father in law figure who will always say we're not good enough! At some point, if he wants a future with you, he will have to meet them. so tell him that, and ... (read in full...)
I messed up our friendship by hooking up with her kids' dad!
Q. i really messed up a friendship over a yr ago and i really miss her. i hooked up w/her kids dad they had been split up for a couple yrs before this happened, and she lives out of state, so it wasn't like i broke them up. we were like sisters and the ...
A. 8 December 2009: Oh dear. Friends' ex's are nearly always out of bounds for this reason. It can all go wrong because there is too much history. It doesn't matter that he was single, she will see it as a betrayal. I think maybe you could try writing her another ... (read in full...)
I know I don't love him but should I sacrifice my happiness?
Q. Hey everyone, I hope that someone out there might have some helpful advice... I have been married for about 4 yrs and have a 5 yr old son from a previous relationship that went sour...My husband has been my sons father since he was 8 months old they ...
A. 8 December 2009: If you don't love him, you have to follow your heart. Because one day you might meet another guy and something might happen. Follow your heart, not someone else's. If there is any chance that you could do counselling to see if anything can come ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend used to mess around with 14 nearly 15 year old girls when he was 23!
Q. Okay so heres the thing, ive had a boyfriend for nearly 2 months, that I REALLY care about okay. So I knew he has a reputation of "getting around", but ive recently found out he went as far as messing with 14 nearly 15 year old girls! his HIGHSCHOOL ...
A. 8 December 2009: Hm, he doesn't sound like a safe guy. might be better to move on now, not later.... (read in full...)
He keeps reminding me I messed him around in the past. Should I pursue it?
Q. I have known this guy for 8 years, and we saw each other a few times and still in contact now even though we are in relationships. I previously messed him around alot in the past which he still reminds me of now. I like him alot and for the past...
A. 8 December 2009: No, not worth pursuing I'm afraid. He's trying to make you feel bad. You already do, you don't need it shoved down your throat all the time. If he really liked you, he would have tried to get over it by now.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has erectile problems
Q. Some advice or reassurance! pweasee When me and my boyfriend have intercourse he can never come. He often loses his hardon aswell. He tells me it feels good but it obviously doesn't, he's fine during foreplay but sometimes can't get fully hard b...
A. 8 December 2009: No, nothing to do with you whatsoever. He just might be nervous about it all or stressed, both of which can affect an erection. It isn't you one bit. Don't worry... (read in full...)
Does he like me, I wanna know, how can I tell if he likes me so?
Q. Does he like me? I mean, he flirts with me, no doubt, I can tell that. The problem is that he broke up with his girlfriend who was cheating on him 2 months ago, and he also flirts with one other girl, my friend. He flirts with us about the same ...
A. 8 December 2009: Yes, all the signs point to him fancying you. So talk to him about how he feels, and ask him. that's the only way to be sure.... (read in full...)
I like him, how can I stand out from amongst the crowd?
Q. This guy and I are friends, However I want to know if he likes me as more. We talk all the time, Have gone a few places in a group (ice skating) He will say hi, or wave when he sees me, and he always makes me laugh. He sometimes stares at me, and ...
A. 8 December 2009: I thought I was an average guy, but I have a lovely girlfriend. The point being, just be yourself and you'll find the right guy. Now, the whole 'too good for you' thing is rubbish. Of course you're good enough. Guys like confident girls, so love ... (read in full...)
He is all lovely dovey in text, but doesn't want anything solid
Q. I've been talkin to this guy for a while now and he always says how he likes me and that he wishes we could be togther. So me being tired of just texting and talking asked him where he thought this was going and got all defensive saying were just ...
A. 8 December 2009: Yes you are being played. There are a million other guys who won't treat you so badly, so find one of them instead. Forget this guy, he's just using you.... (read in full...)
Married but falling for another man, what should I do!?
Q. what do i do. im married, 1 child. great marriage, no lies, no infidelity, and no drama. but i think im falling for another man. hes married too. iv been apart working this past year and this man is working with me. were both apart from loved ones. ...
A. 8 December 2009: The reason you think you're falling for this man is that you aren't at home focusing on your marriage. Go back to your husband and focus on him. The grass may look greener, but it probably isn't. your husband and child need to come first, so focus ... (read in full...)
A maneater has my man in her sights!
Q. O.k. heres my situation. I am in love with my Fiance'. We have been through really rough times..Who hasn't. Well now lately he has really been stressing accusing me of talking to another Man. I haven't been. But we have this female friend of his ...
A. 8 December 2009: What is he doing living with his mum when he's got a baby with you? What is he still in contact with this woman for, after he accused you of talking to another man? Why isn't he listening to you? Respectfully, I suggest you talk to him now. It ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to leave me alone!
Q. Right. There's this guy who i met last year, and he is OBSESSED with me! I've tried to get him to stop texting me, as im with someone i love very much. He keeps saying he loves me, then when i say i dont feel the same he calls me horrible things. ...
A. 8 December 2009: If he's saying horrible things, then that's abuse. And since you're not 16 (the legal age of consent) and he's 18, I'm sure if you keep all the texts you can take them to the police for harassment if he doesn't stop. You're not a horrible girl, but ... (read in full...)
It has taken me two weeks to pluck up the courage to post on here, please help me
Q. hello all i am so much in need of advice iv made a right mess of everythin u know when theres so much to explain but dont know where to start. i have been in a relatinship for 13 yrs he was not very nice to me and refused to commit, took all my ...
A. 8 December 2009: Well I'm glad you came here :).
First of all, under no circumstances whatsoever must you take your ex back. He has not changed at all, do not take him back. The proof is that he he trying to stop you having friends yet again. He's done it befo... (read in full...)
Penis problem!
Q. Hey guys i have a question. So im a 15 year old boy and i was wondering if you could help me. Under the head of my penis there are like tiny little bubbles that sometimes puss out white stuff. I was wondering if any of you know what it is? I'm ...
A. 8 December 2009: Off to the doctor my son. this could be an infection, or a reaction to something. It won't be an STD, but it could be a urine infection, or yeast infection or a reaction to medication or even condoms if you've practised with them. but go to the ... (read in full...)
My best friend confessed his feelings, but I'm married.
Q. I have been married for four months and I just found out the my best friend who is a guy have strong feelings for me. I once felt the same way the problem is once he told me that all my feelings started to come back. I feel lost cuz I love my ...
A. 8 December 2009: Stick with the marriage. Your friend has in fact been very selfish to bring this up now. You're a newly-wed, you love your husband, that's it. Stick with your husband and don't cheat, or you will end up very hurt... (read in full...)
How can I show him he shouldn't be nervous around me?
Q. I am having a big problem. I am in my first year of college and have fallen hard for this amazing guy. We are both crazy about each other. We started messing around but he only wants to please me... He does not ever want me to give him head or even ...
A. 8 December 2009: He wants to please you because you're his first, and he really doesn't want to get it wrong. He's also very scared that when you're pleasing him, he'll get it wrong. Basically, he's worried he will get it all wrong. You need to tell him that it's ... (read in full...)
Although we've made up now my boyfriend is having a party and the girl he cheated with might be there!
Q. My boyfriend cheated on me 2 months ago - slept with someone else at a party. Completely unexpected and completely against my morals. More detail in previous q's of mine! But to the point of this one... Rightly, or probably wrongly, i gave ...
A. 8 December 2009: This requires the British Stiff upper lip. Yes, she will be there, yes, she is still interested in him otherwise she would not have sent him that text, yes she will go out of her way to talk to him. So be a lady, be very careful how much you drink ... (read in full...)
I need some tips... What can I do to show him how I feel?
Q. Ok here goes - occasionally we will hang out but not that often and when we do he doesnt talk much but when we do talk it's sooo fun and we get along really well. I'm also mates with his best friend and i get along with all his friends, but i like ...
A. 8 December 2009: You need to get to know him a lot more first. Hang out with him more and see if you still like him, and try speaking to him so you can understand him a little more as well. That way, you;ll have a better idea of how he feels.
As for letting him ... (read in full...)
I love my fiancé, but I feel like I'm just getting what's left of him after his past marriages.
Q. My fiance has been married twice before. He's a great guy and I love him to pieces. But, I feel sometimes that I kinda am getting what ever is left of him and his relationships. Maybe thats not such a bad thing, but in somethings it is because he ...
A. 8 December 2009: My reaction is he's had two marriages before, and is now just running through the motions. If he's telling you he's not really bothered or into it all any more,then you need to talk to him quickly about whether he wants this to continue. And you ... (read in full...)
What do I do about Lee?
Q. Hey, I just thought I’d write in because I am in need of some help over a boy. I mean it’s pretty weird because I don’t normally stress about boys much but this time it’s different and I am a bit confused. I’m 16 and in my last year at high school ...
A. 8 December 2009: I have a feeling that 'Lee' actually fancies your friend Jess, from what you've written. He seems to always be where she is, rather than where you are.
As for calling you weird, I guess that kind of sums up his maturity about women really. He migh... (read in full...)
Has she fallen OUT of love with me???
Q. A little backstory first. I've been dating this girl for 1 year and 4 months. Before we started dating we worked together and I was her boss. It began innocent enough, neither showing any interest in each other but over time I developed a huge crush ...
A. 8 December 2009: She needs to find herself before she can have a proper relationship. Her self esteem is low, her confidence is low and she has to face all this alone before she can be in a relationship that will work. I know you want to help her, but she has to do ... (read in full...)
Is he just flirting with me the way he does with other girls or does he REALLY have feelings for me?
Q. Heya :) When ever I write on here, i get answers that I don't understand.. So i have decided to tell you everything. There is this boy in the same year, same form. We have been so close for about 1 year and a half now. My very strong feelings ...
A. 8 December 2009: If he's holding the other girls hand but touching you, then he;s just flirting. He's a young guy, still trying to find out who he is, not probably not mature enough to understand fully what he's getting into. I think he's a friend, but I don't think ... (read in full...)
Can anyone help me? I feel I am being mentally abused by my wife and I don't know where to turn
Q. I'm lost........... I am a 37yr old male who has been married for 5-1/2 years been with my wife for 8 years. We have a beautiful 2-1/2 year old daughter who is my life and soul. I am stuck in a spot where the only thing right now in life is what ...
A. 8 December 2009: You just hit upon something interesting there, when you mentioned her parents not saying no. She's a spoilt brat and has had everything her way. Sadly, your daughter will be seeing all of this, and taking it all in. I think it's now time, if you've ... (read in full...)
Is it really over this time?
Q. Please help.. me and my boyfriend were together for 11 months. he jumped right out of a bad 2 year relationship with his ex (in which they had broken up several times..got back together..twards the end she wouldnt really let the break up happen....
A. 8 December 2009: This guy has serious problems. He can't make one relationship work, then he jumps into another one with you and he can't make that work either. He was never over his ex when he came to you, so it would never have worked. There are other guys out ... (read in full...)
Can anyone help me? I feel I am being mentally abused by my wife and I don't know where to turn
Q. I'm lost........... I am a 37yr old male who has been married for 5-1/2 years been with my wife for 8 years. We have a beautiful 2-1/2 year old daughter who is my life and soul. I am stuck in a spot where the only thing right now in life is what ...
A. 8 December 2009: It will damage your daughter to see what she is seeing. My parents don't love each other. I knew that when I was 6 years old. Pretty gutting to be honest. I completely agree with Rhythm about 'earning your way out' with the counselling. Her post ... (read in full...)
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