A
female
age
41-50,
*ookiemon77
writes:I started to talk to my fiance yesterday about the wedding and telling him how I was organizing things to make sure the final details were in place. But he just doesn't seem to care or be excited about anything. It just makes me wonder if he cares or is excited about this or is just going with the motions. He is very complicated I think. I asked him if he was happy and if he really wanted to be with me, he said yes but he really doesn't like to talk about things. I wanted to talk about what was going on and the stress that I felt.I wanted to tell him that I felt unhappy and it wasn't that I didn't love him, I do. It's that all my expectations of how I wanted to get married and the way things are going are not quite going the way I wanted. And that I'm confused about my feelings towards this wedding when at first I was very excited but, his way of being just stomped my excitement and I kind of don't care anymore. I wanted to tell him that I'm kind of disappointed but not disapppointed in him. But, instead I just started crying and crying for about an hour.What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (8 December 2009):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-love-my-fiance-but-i-feel-like.html
Perhaps some extra insight to our OP's problem?
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (8 December 2009):
Well, okay, it's not true that all men don't care about the wedding. My fella was more into it than I was! However, they're not all alike (my guy is an artist, so he was super into the look of it all). Maybe your fella is a big picture kind of guy and is just excited about having a really big party with all of your closest friends and celebrating your new life together. And the tablemats, centerpieces and colors are not really something he's into. And, it could be that he's feeling the last minute crunch and maybe has a little bit of cold feet - but that's normal and he'll get over that.
Give him a task or two to get him involved and take the stress off you - like, ask him to make sure the room is arranged correctly, or have the music situated and get the lighting together or something.
And, hey - the guy is your future husband. If you want to tell him that you're a little bummed out, that's okay. I wouldn't accost him with "I'm so upset at you, why aren't you more excited, you're so disappointed, is this what I'm marrying!?" - you don't want to be a bridezilla. But, it's okay to vocalize what you're feeling and get reassured that he's crazy about you and excited.
Relax and enjoy your wedding sweetness! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 December 2009):
I'm not married, but I do know a few things about men, being that I am one. You're focused on this perfect wedding that you've probably had in your mind since you were 5, while he's focused on everything after and is probably nervous. He loves you, and has said so. He is just letting you do the wedding because he wants you to be happy, and he's focused on the future between you two. If you want to talk to him, talk to him. Tell him you're feeling a little stressed. He's probably feeling it too!. Have patience with him, he does love you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): This is very normal! Men and women are not the same when it comes to planning a wedding. Women are th eones who love getting inot detail, organize, be the perfectionists. I am sure your fiancee IS interested, but not in the colour of the flowers etc. He's interested in making you his wife.
You take upon youself this stress voluntarily sweetie. Sure, a wedding takes a lot of work. But, you could ask someone else to help you, or put as much effort into it as your fiancee is doing. Worried the wedding wont be perfect then? See thats just it. I dont think your fiancee cares about perfection. He only cares about the ceremony so he can show everyone how much he loves you and how committed he is. To him, the weddingday is just a day. He's excited about all the years you'll be together. You however (and most women on the globe) care about this particular day sooooo much! Im not saying that is wrong, just understand the difference in thinking here. And understand that although he's not boucing around like a bunny because of the wedding, he's still in love with you, committed to you, crazy about you, and wants you!
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