| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I love my boyfriend but he keeps hurting me, what should I do?
Q. Hi I've been dating this guy for a while. and we been through everything.okay frist off I have trust problems, I don't trust anyone. But he came along and he was the one. Like everything I liked he like. But one day I lie to him about not ...
A. 24 December 2009: It's simple, Dump him, spend all the time you need to getting over him, and move on. He will never stop hurting you, he will never stop using you and you'll never be happy with him. You need to be brave and move on.... (read in full...)
Whom to choose: the one I'm with or the one I want
Q. I'm with this guy who is 25 and we have been together for 4 years now. But there was this 20ish guy at college who i fancied but he didnt fancy me, he just didnt seeem interested, he always had girfriends who where on and off and after college i ...
A. 23 December 2009: If you can't make your mind up, maybe you should spend some time alone to think about what you really want from your life. There's only room in a heart for one, so if you like both these guys, you don't like them enough to take it further yet. Spend ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't like me but everyone else thinks he does. How can I get him to admit it?
Q. ok this guy says he doesnt like me but my friends and i arent crazy we see how he looks at me and he stares and smiles, and he talks to me all the time. Why cant he admit to it and plz tell me wat i can do in order to make him admit faster tht he ...
A. 23 December 2009: He's terrified. He can't approach you, you're surrounded by friends!! So the best thing to do is to get him alone and tell him you would like to go out with him or get to know him more. He's completely terrified of it all.... (read in full...)
I think precum is disgusting and abnormal
Q. my boyfriend starts leaking his precum before entering my vagina, it is disgusting. i think he is abnormal pls suggesions...
A. 23 December 2009: Pre-cum is perfectly normal. All guys have it. I'd be worried if he didn't have it. If you really don't like it, maybe make him wear a condom? ... (read in full...)
I suspect her of cheating, because her sex drive has diminished and she has been spending lots of time away.
Q. Ok, new here and looking for advice. First a question for the ladies. In general, when grooming, if a woman shaves down below, is that usually something they do for themselves, or something they do to make someone else happy? The reason I ask ...
A. 23 December 2009: I agree with G. You might want to read that site (post at the bottom)... (read in full...)
I watched porn the other day, is that okay and normal?
Q. Okay so I'm 14, and a couple days ago I watched porn with one of my best friends. I liked it a lot and everything, but I was afraid her parents would catch us. Anyways, is it okay and normal for me to do that? ...
A. 23 December 2009: Perfectly. Just be careful what you watch, and be careful it doesn't turn into an addiction. Always be safe. ... (read in full...)
She's having an affair with a married man. How can I make her see the error of her ways?
Q. Hi, I'm hoping for some perspective. I've been friends with a girl from school for years. She's very clever, attractive, silly and ambitious. We don't have a huge amount in common but we've had common friends over the years, we've been on ho...
A. 23 December 2009: Your friend has major issues that begin way back in her childhood. Clearly she either has trouble forging close relationships, or is such a mess she thinks the best she can do is a man who doesn't give a damn about her. The trouble is, there's so ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend makes me wear very revealing outfits all the time, is this right? If not how can I make him stop this?
Q. My boyfriend insists on me wearing very skimpy clothing even in the winter time. I live in Toledo, so it is cold down here! He has made me wear very short skirts and dresses, with little boots,it does look cute but not for every place we go. I am in ...
A. 23 December 2009: This is going to sound rude, but I don't know how else to say it, so please forgive me. But he's dressing you up like a prostitute. I know that sounds harsh, and I'm sure it hurt, but he sees you as an object, or a toy, and not a person. You need to ... (read in full...)
How can I learn to trust him, when my past experiences won't let me?
Q. My boyfriend n I have been together for 8 months now... Last week I made the mistake of telling him I dont trust him specifically. He knows I have trust issues to begin with due to me being physically and emotionally abused all my life. I love this ...
A. 23 December 2009: The only thing I can suggest is counselling. You need to be in a place with someone who can help you understand all your feelings from the past. And maybe take your boyfriend along with you so he understands about it all a bit more. sometimes guys ... (read in full...)
I don't like his marijuana usage, he won't stop! Is it time to break up?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 7 months now. We've have a somewhat rocky relationship. I caught him cheating on me with his ex 4 months into our relationship. However, he sincerely apologized and begged for another chance, so ...
A. 23 December 2009: You're getting into a very messy world with this guy. His father is an addict, your boyfriend is a druggie and a cheat. He values wasting his life more than doing something with it. If you stay, you will be hurt, you'll be unhappy, there is more of ... (read in full...)
They say he bad mouths me behind my back, but to my face he's lovely, what's going on!?!
Q. ok well i like this guy alot and people say he talks behind my back about me negativly, but every time i confront him he rejects it 100%. i sometimes see him look at me from the corner of his eye. i want to talk to him about a relationship but hes ...
A. 23 December 2009: If you want to talk to him, but he's walking to fast, or he's with his friends, then that means you're not number 1 in his life. I think he's probably just got you as a girlfriend so he can have a girlfriend. You need to talk to him and be honest ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to still be in love with someone a year after it ended?
Q. Is it normal for people to still be completely and utterly in love with someone a year after it ended? There's been no contact, I haven't seen him and yet I still think about him every second of every day and still can't help but beam when I talk ...
A. 23 December 2009: Perfectly normal for some people. I took 6 months to get over a girlfriend, a friend of mine took 2 years. It depends on who you are. Just stay focused on your future, and stay focused on your own life, and it will get better.... (read in full...)
I just need to find a way to get him to trust me, help?
Q. Hey I've been in a relationship for 9 months, when it started out I was just getting out of a bad relationship and my current boyfriend helped me through, he helped me with my University work and my relationship problems. So I broke up with t...
A. 23 December 2009: Your boyfriend is being very controlling to be honest. You didn't really bring it on yourself at all. If he won't trust you, he won't trust you. And your last paragraph shows how controlled you really are. You're lonely and depressed. I'm sure you ... (read in full...)
I did nothing while we were on a break, but now he says it's over because he thinks I cheated!
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up on Saturday over a heated argument, he went out that night and mingled with other females and enjoyed hiself according to my friends. He also reactivated his facebook account, which is something that we got rid of because ...
A. 23 December 2009: No, it's not wrong. I guess you're just annoyed and want to get back at him. Be strong, and move on. ... (read in full...)
My husband has become too close to another woman, how can I stop this?
Q. My husband likes to be dominated .right now he seems like he is at the point where his friend who is female has control over him ( they met online and have met in person) . I can't get him to do anything and he and she talk everyday for long periods ...
A. 23 December 2009: I think you need to ask him where he sees your marriage going. It sounds like it's crunch time to be honest. I don't think your marriage has any hope unless he opens up to you and stops talking to her.... (read in full...)
I did nothing while we were on a break, but now he says it's over because he thinks I cheated!
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up on Saturday over a heated argument, he went out that night and mingled with other females and enjoyed hiself according to my friends. He also reactivated his facebook account, which is something that we got rid of because ...
A. 23 December 2009: You were on a break, so it wouldn't have been cheating anyway. He's played you. That good news is that it means you can do better than him. so forget about him, move on and find Mr Right instead. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to fantasize about people other than your partner during sex/masturbation?
Q. How often do you masturbate to thoughts of people that are not your girlfriend/boyfriend and when does this become abnormal? Is it normal to fantasize about other people when you are having sex with your bf?...
A. 23 December 2009: Perfectly normal. Don't worry about it. Just never act on the fantasy. ... (read in full...)
Is she just being really friendly or does she like me too?
Q. A few months back I met this girl, at the fitness club, in the pool. We had seen each other a couple of times there as we are pretty regular swimmers but never talked to each other. Finally one day we did and started talking to each other. After a ...
A. 23 December 2009: It sounds like she does like you. But there really is only one way to find out, and that's to ask her out for a drink or something. Even if it's just a friendly drink, you can get to know her more. ... (read in full...)
My wife has no problem exposing herself to others, is this normal behaviour?
Q. this is about a strange behavior of my wife. she is 25. i see that she has a tendency to exhibit. she rarely cares about her dress. whenever somebody comes to our home they have a very explicit view of her assets and other parts. i tlaked to her a...
A. 23 December 2009: She might be doing it for attention. Perhaps she's unhappy or insecure? Maybe keep trying to talk to her and see what happens.... (read in full...)
I had a miscarriage, now I'm pregnant again. Is there a high risk of it happening again?
Q. When I was 17 I got pregnant and thought was having a miscarriage so had a scan at 6 weeks and was fine with healthy heartbeat then at 7 weeks slow heartbeat and they said it doesnt look good then at 8 weeks no heartbeat at all but no bleeding so ...
A. 23 December 2009: The best thing to do is go to the doctor and have a health check up and ask all those questions. I know a few cases where one woman had several miscarriages after her first, but at the same time I know a woman who had a miscarriage and went on to ... (read in full...)
I've had genital warts, what do I say if she says she's on the pill?
Q. i want to have sex with someone but i have had genital warts before. its advised that i should wear a condom all the time, but what if she says 'im on the pill its fine you dont have to wear one?' i dont want to tell her ive had the warts before. ...
A. 23 December 2009: I think first of all, whatever happens wear a condom. And I think if you want to have sex with someone, you have to be honest with them. They might not be able to take it, but you have to be honest. ... (read in full...)
11 year age gap plus baggage, can this work?
Q. Me and this guy met on a dating site,started chatting and exchanged numbers.We decided to meet.Im 20 and he is 31.When he saw me he said I was perfect and I liked his very genuine sweet personality and he was quite good looking,after meeting up a ...
A. 23 December 2009: How long have you known him? A week? Slow down there. The age gap and baggage aren't a problem. But you need to take your time getting to know him. He may want a serious relationship, but he's hurrying you too quickly. It takes more than a week to ... (read in full...)
Still bleeding 3 months after giving birth, should I be worried?
Q. I just had a baby sept 28th and has been 3months and i have had a problem i am stil bleeding i dont remember bleeding this long with my other 3 kids.i got a depo shot before i left the hospital should i be worried about all this bleeding...
A. 23 December 2009: It's worth going to the doctor anyway, just make sure you're okay. I'd say go to the doctor.... (read in full...)
My friend's ex is sending me messages on Facebook, is he interested in me?
Q. ok, about a month ago my best friend went out with this boy who isnt that close a friend of ours but still a friend and he started messaging me on facebook. I thought it was just because he was going out with my best friend and he wanted us to get ...
A. 23 December 2009: Even if he does, which is likely, you would be wise to stay clear of him because he is your best friend's ex. The chances are he does like you, but remember your friend. ... (read in full...)
Why was my best mate saying horrible stuff about me?
Q. A while ago I moved, so I didn't know anyone. Then my sort of mate seemed to help me a little so then we became best mates, or at least that's what she called it. I never trusted her because of how two faced she is. In the past she's slept with 4 of ...
A. 23 December 2009: She took a several guys of yours while you were still with them. He's not with her, he dumped her, so it's not a problem. ... (read in full...)
In love with an older, unhappily married woman!
Q. I am a 18 year old female who is madly in love with a woman who is 37 years old. I know that she love me too but she is married unhappily. Is she worth fighting for?...
A. 23 December 2009: She must leave her husband first. You don't want to be used as an emotional prop only for her to then leave. Wait for her to leave him before you do anything with her.... (read in full...)
Who gets custody when mother has been physically abusive and father has failed a drug test?
Q. my brother is having domestic issues hes divorced his son lived with their mother and the teacher just reported marks over his body to the police shes arrested the father failed drug test over pot the son reported that his mom and his moms mom...
A. 23 December 2009: They will probably be taken into foster care. Speak to a lawyer or something and see if they can help. ... (read in full...)
Domestic Violence, Cheating and Love
Q. Hey there, I was in an intense relationship for nearly two years. My ex and I had known each other as friends for about six months before we started dating. We got along great, our relationship was normal and happy for the first six months. He was a ...
A. 23 December 2009: Just never go back to this guy. Can't you see he has destroyed you? You're not the worst one here. But if you go back, you'll end up back in jail, or you'll end up beaten up or something. You must not follow your heart this time, or for the rest of ... (read in full...)
Made to feel bad for not wanting anal sex??
Q. Hi there, I just wanted some advice! I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year. He's a gentleman, charming and does everything under the sun for me. There's just one thing that's concerning me. I first let me boyfriend try anal sex about ...
A. 23 December 2009: You tell him you don't want to do it, and won't do it. Then you tell him that he should respect you. Then, if he still doesn't listen, leave him and find someone who does respect and care for you. Don't be bullied by him.... (read in full...)
Why was my best mate saying horrible stuff about me?
Q. A while ago I moved, so I didn't know anyone. Then my sort of mate seemed to help me a little so then we became best mates, or at least that's what she called it. I never trusted her because of how two faced she is. In the past she's slept with 4 of ...
A. 23 December 2009: Because she wasn't your friend. She clearly has major issues, and was probably jealous of you. You will have a far better life away from her, so forget about her and move on. ... (read in full...)
How can I find interesting things to talk about?
Q. My fiance told me yesterday and reminded me today that he no longer has anything interesting to say to me. He was acting really clingy the last week and then all of a sudden this happened. How can I bring something of interest to the conversation? ...
A. 21 December 2009: He's terrified about the pregnancy and becoming a father. Ask him how he feels about it all, and tell him you need him in your life. But also remember that you're pregnant, and he needs to understand that.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to like him when he has a girlfriend and a baby?
Q. I work at a grocery store with a couple of pretty good looking guys. There are 2 in particular that im really interested in. The most prominent guy is Brian. He's 24 and he has a girlfriend named Amber. Amber just had a baby about a week ago by ...
A. 21 December 2009: Just don't act on it. Other than that, there's nothing wrong. ... (read in full...)
Why is he cooling off?
Q. We've been dating for 4 months. He used to pay a lot of attention but now it's different. He talks more to his friends and replies my messages really slow. He doesn't put in effort into our relationship. He never gave me gifts. And we don't go to ...
A. 21 December 2009: I could understand the restaurants if he can't afford it, and can even understand the gifts for the same reason. But not replying to messages and actually saying he doesn't want to make out shows this is over. If you're not his number 1 priority, ... (read in full...)
How do I spoil him so he never wants another?
Q. I have been going through an, at times, very unpleasant divorce over the last 4 years after 22+ years of mostly happy marriage. I began to think I would spend the rest of my life on my own and then a friend convinced me to try a dating site aimed ...
A. 21 December 2009: He seems to know what he wants. So ask him to enlighten you.... (read in full...)
How can I turn around our sex life?
Q. Hi everyone, I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months now. We have known each other for a few years prior to us hooking up. She is really sweet and kind towards me, and i love her to bits. She has spent quite a lot on me this Christmas, as i have ...
A. 21 December 2009: The chances are all those sexual partners before you all hurt her, and she's very wary about being used and hurt again. I would gently just speak to her about how you feel, and try to find out more about her. When she feels safe that she won't get ... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing by ending an affair with a married man? I know we could be soul mates.
Q. I'm so confused.....I am a horrible person and recently went out with a man who I knew was married. We had fun for about 2 months and neither of us could end it. I did however after realising that he was starting to fall in love with me and I ...
A. 21 December 2009: You weren't soul mates at al. Married men very rarely leave their wives. Your head is right. Get away from him, or you will end up very very hurt in the future.... (read in full...)
Should I give this relationship time?
Q. I am very in love with my boyfriend of 3yrs, we have been off and on but for the most part on. Lately we have been arguing over things that dont even matter to me like him not working and me making money and not wanting to spend it on us, which is ...
A. 21 December 2009: This just sounds doomed to be honest. You're on/off, you argue about petty things and when you do argue, both of you are trying to score points against each other. It doesn't seem like he's put all that much effort onto your relationship to be ... (read in full...)
Is my dad showing sexual interest in me?
Q. Right, well....I've asked a few questions on dear cupid already...and I'm beginning to realise that I haven't mentioned everything that I need to...infact, there is a big thing that I haven't mentioned in my other questions which I need to ask help ...
A. 21 December 2009: You need to tell someone else you can trust, such as a teacher or a very trustworthy adult. He is trying to abuse you, and clearly needs psychological help. Coming here was very brave, so well done. Now you must be braver and tell someone you can ... (read in full...)
Why would she need a break from our relationship?
Q. We had a fight and it's a big one. We rarely have big fights, we had like 3 big fights within almost 3 years of our relationship. I was uneasy about something she has done. I was uneasy that she hangs out past 4am till like 6-7am in the morning with ...
A. 21 December 2009: The truth is you saw the problem and you actually tried to confront it. She wanted to hide. That's a bad side. I'm going to say that she just isn't all that into you any more. If she really loved you, she wouldn't have to question her feelings. You ... (read in full...)
Why would she need a break from our relationship?
Q. We had a fight and it's a big one. We rarely have big fights, we had like 3 big fights within almost 3 years of our relationship. I was uneasy about something she has done. I was uneasy that she hangs out past 4am till like 6-7am in the morning with ...
A. 21 December 2009: The truth is you saw the problem and you actually tried to confront it. She wanted to hide. That's a bad side. I'm going to say that she just isn't all that into you any more. If she really loved you, she wouldn't have to question her feelings. You ... (read in full...)
Why would she need a break from our relationship?
Q. We had a fight and it's a big one. We rarely have big fights, we had like 3 big fights within almost 3 years of our relationship. I was uneasy about something she has done. I was uneasy that she hangs out past 4am till like 6-7am in the morning with ...
A. 21 December 2009: The truth is you saw the problem and you actually tried to confront it. She wanted to hide. That's a bad side. I'm going to say that she just isn't all that into you any more. If she really loved you, she wouldn't have to question her feelings. You ... (read in full...)
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