| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Taking a chance with a coworker?
Q. Thanks for your help in advance. My boyfriend lives with me (6m) we are happy. Now at work before I dated him I had this connection w a coworker(female). I really like her- I am very attracted to her. However she has never been straight forward...
A. 28 December 2009: Dump your boyfriend. You don't love him enough. The sit down and think about what you really want from your life. If you want to take a chance with her, go for it. But you don't really love your boyfriend, because if you did you wouldn't be thinking ... (read in full...)
Why is my girlfriend giving the impression she is available to other guys?
Q. heyy just found out my girlfriend, who has previously cheated, has told two different guys that shes hung out with (one of them was the guy that she cheated with and second a new guy shes been hanging with alot) that she is single and me and her ...
A. 28 December 2009: She cheated twice before, she wants to do it again. Dump her now. ... (read in full...)
I still love my baby's daddy, do I have to let him go?
Q. I have 1 son with my baby daddy and I am pregnant with another baby boy with him but he left me when I was 3 months. We were arguing a lot because he was the only one working and I was going to school.after I finish school I found out I was pregnant ...
A. 28 December 2009: You focus entirely on yourself and your baby. Though you are in pain because of your boyfriend, you need to be focused because your new born will need a mum who is healthy and happy. So rather than worry about your boyfriend, spend tim on yourself ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't keep up with my high libido, what can I do?
Q. I am 21 and have a high libido. My boyfriend of one year has a hard time keeping up with me. So much so that we fight about it more than I think is healthy. It really has caused some emotional problems with me. When he withholds it makes me worry ...
A. 28 December 2009: You can look at yourself. Yes, you have a high libido, but you also seem to connect sex to whether your boyfriend truly loves you. Have you been hurt in the past, or do you believe that sex is the only way you can feel beautiful and loved? Maybe you ... (read in full...)
How do I make him see I'm worth risking our friendship?
Q. I'm a seventeen year old girl. I'm a junior in High School and I've never been in an serious relationship, and honestly I've never been that intrested in anyone. Until a month ago. We've always been in similar circles, but we weren't friends. He's ...
A. 28 December 2009: You can't. The reason is, though he finds you sexually desirable, as he said, he has not said he really fancies you or would want to be with you for anything else other than sex. He is your friend and he just doesn't want it to go further than that. ... (read in full...)
I've been sleeping with a younger man who has a boyfriend, I don't know what to do!
Q. I'm a older woman I haven't been in a relationship for two years but I have been sleeping with this younger man off and on for six years he has a girlfriend and sometimes when he calls I don't answer I think I'm starting to really like him I don't ...
A. 28 December 2009: He can't be a good guy if he's cheating on his girlfriend. He's using you for sex, nothing more. Don't be fooled. ... (read in full...)
I'm nervous about meeting my online friend, should I meet up or hold off?
Q. I've been talking to this guy online for a couple of days and we text and stuff and we've seen each others pictures and I've seen him on webcam and I like him and he says he likes me and wants to meet up but Im kind of nervous about meeting up with ...
A. 28 December 2009: You've only been speaking to him for a couple of days and you're planning a meet? I would say leave it longer and get to know him more. And if you do meet him, keep it very public. ... (read in full...)
Is sexting considered cheating?
Q. Ugh. Okay, im in a really difficult (for me) situation. I feel I have cheated on my boyfriend of 3 months. Im one of those people who are insanely against cheating and is 100% for honesty so the possibility of this sort of thing happening never ...
A. 28 December 2009: Yes, it is cheating. If you think it's wrong, always ask yourself if you would like it if your boyfriend was doing it. The answer is no, you wouldn't. Don't tell him either, because if you do he'll be hurt and probably dump you, or get revenge to ... (read in full...)
Is my wife trying to break my attachment to her by being unemotional?
Q. Hi everyone whats all this about can you help me, im going mad. Over the last 12 months my marriage has broken up, we were together for 7 years. Myself and my wife have had affairs, She moved out some months ago. Two weeks ago we both admitted...
A. 28 December 2009: I think she's trying to keep you on a a string to be honest. She has said she doesn't love you, so don't allow her to use you. If she wants anything, she has to go with you to a counsellor. The more she uses you, the more you will want her back and ... (read in full...)
Her brother is trying to break up our marriage...what should I do?
Q. hello....okay Well i taken leave and went home. im in the military. I went to this party and we was all drinking. i seen this girl named J. who was sitting at the table. i didnt really think much about her but i know her from a really close fre...
A. 27 December 2009: He may just be over protective now. Best thing to do is to ask him why he feels that way. But in the end, it is up to your wife to tell him straight that you and her are married.... (read in full...)
Will sex affect my relationship with my best friend?
Q. So heres the situation: me[im male 18] and my best freind [female19] both virgins. best freinds for 4 years before we dated. been going out for nearly a year now. We are both close to ready to having sex. I want to do what i need t...
A. 27 December 2009: It depends how you truly see her. Yes, she is your girlfriend, but you said you had a deep friendship and that's how you were attached. Decide whether you love her as a best friend, or as a girlfriend. ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants to videotape me with two other girls!
Q. When my girlfriend and I began to date, she told me she wouldn't mind if I had "women on the side" as long as she was #1. I laughed and dismissed the idea as silly at the time. She is from Indonesia (very smart and a citizen of the U.S. now) and I ...
A. 27 December 2009: I think you do need to gently ask her why she wants this to happen. Maybe just ask her directly why she would like to see you with two other women. It could be a test, or maybe it really does turn her on. But you won't know unless you ask. So I ... (read in full...)
I feel the need for constant reassurance - how do I stop this?
Q. Dear all, I'm just looking for some advice. I have a big problem relaxing when I meet a new guy. I met a guy the other week and we all met up with our friends last night for drinks. Although he's quiet we did get on and were holding hands and ...
A. 27 December 2009: You could try speaking to him perhaps? Maybe if you speak to him he'll go out again?... (read in full...)
How can I convince my bf I am not cheating!
Q. what do u do to let your boyfriend trust you and believe you are not cheating on him....
A. 27 December 2009: He's the one who has to trust you. You can't make him trust you. If he can't trust you and is giving you a lot of trouble, then maybe move on.... (read in full...)
What our chances of success, I am in love with her.
Q. leaving my wife of 10 years 2 kids for a woman who was my wifes good friend of 5 years She(the other woman) is still married but seperated, left her resent boyfriendof 2 yrs for me and we plan to get an apartment next week, we started the affair a ...
A. 27 December 2009: The problem is you're doing all this very quickly. You've been having an affair for a month, and have had sex. But do you really know her? Do you know what she's like to live with. I'm not saying it won't work, but I am saying I think you need to ... (read in full...)
I feel the need for constant reassurance - how do I stop this?
Q. Dear all, I'm just looking for some advice. I have a big problem relaxing when I meet a new guy. I met a guy the other week and we all met up with our friends last night for drinks. Although he's quiet we did get on and were holding hands and ...
A. 27 December 2009: If you need reassurance, then you've been hurt before, or your self esteem is low. So take a really close look at your life and work out why it is you need reassurance. Have you been very hurt in the past by someone (it doesn't have to be a ... (read in full...)
Cheated and felt ill, what do you advise?
Q. I am a married female, aged 34, with 3 kids. An ex BF from another town persuaded me to meet him on the sly.It started with flattery and ended with a hasty hotel room sex episode. He was unable to perform. I felt revulsion and became phy...
A. 27 December 2009: It's guilt. You obviously made a decision that you didn't really think through, and now you know you didn't want to do it. Work at your marriage at all costs, and never stray again. Take a really good look at why you wanted to cheat, at why you felt ... (read in full...)
Commitment phobic boyfriend - do you have any experience with this?
Q. Hi, I think my boyfriend is a commitment phobe. Has anyone had any experience with this? How did you deal with it? I always thought it was something made up in the movies. Or that the guy just wasn't that into you. Anyone have experience with ...
A. 27 December 2009: Being a man, I haven't had experience of a commitment phobic boyfriend. But being a man, I can explain it. Commitment phobic men have at some point been hurt or deserted, and have never got over it. The problem is, they very rarely do get over it. ... (read in full...)
I'm not sexually attracted to my boyfriend, and I like the new guy, or is it just a crush?
Q. I have been together with my boyfriend for just over a year now. Its been great - we've never argued, had any problems and we've got on really well. There's just a few personal issues I have. Firstly, we haven't yet had sex. In fact, we haven't ...
A. 27 December 2009: You like this new guy because he's giving you the attention your boyfriend isn't. So it's time to talk to your boyfriend and see where this relationship is going. If you're not really sexually attracted to him, then you're really setting yourself ... (read in full...)
This jealousy is killing me!! Please help. Any advice!
Q. I have a real big jealousy problem about my ex. She split up with me about 4 months ago as she said she no longer wanted to be with me. It hurt me a lot and im still not totally over her. I've read all the advise and done the things to get ov...
A. 27 December 2009: It will take more than 4 months for you to get over her. All you can do is keep working though it. You'll get there. but give yourself a break. You were with her for 3 years, so it will take longer than 4 months to get over her.... (read in full...)
I'm going mad because I have strong feelings for my work mate, what do you think?
Q. im falling in love with my work friend and i cant tell him. hes only been there 2 months but i swear by the way we'e connected its like we've known each other 20 years-we laugh,joke,doesnt even feel like being at work. i miss him madly when we're no...
A. 27 December 2009: He has said to you he is only dating the other girl casually, and has also said he would like to go out with you for coffee even more. I would suggest you tell him how you feel, and see how he responds. But make sure before anything happens he is ... (read in full...)
I am afraid that if I say no to giving him loans, it will hurt our relationship!?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 months now,before we met there was this gal he has been in love with for 3 years and told me he got over her just before we met, they still talk alot and he still acts like i do not exist in his life while ...
A. 27 December 2009: You're being used. He's using you for money, and he really loves the other girl. Please get away from him now before you get into more trouble. You can find a guy who really will love you and actually take care of you more than he is.... (read in full...)
I know its wrong but teacher is the love of my life
Q. okay, this all started a year ago, I told my teacher I loved him and he said he had feelings for me too and he also said '' but Im the teacher and your the student'' so that was a bummer. But after that things got better he looked at me ...
A. 27 December 2009: He's on the verge of breaking the law. He can lose his job, go to jail and have to sign the sex offender's register. My advice is to stay away, because this could entirely ruin both your lives. ... (read in full...)
I have insomnia and it affects my work, any advice?
Q. Hey just thought I'd say first hope everyone had a good Xmas and happy new year when it comes. I have this problem nobody seems to take seriously but I have quite bad sleeping problems. I don't seem to get tired until about 4am and because of that ...
A. 27 December 2009: Take a good look at your life in general. Are you stressed, or worried about things? Insomnia tends to be caused by a huge amount of underlying anxiety or stress. Identify any struggles, worried or unresolved issues, and maybe that will help.... (read in full...)
Am I worthless??
Q. Evening everyone.I just feel so worthless at the moment....You know how everyone has something they are good at? Well im rubbish at everything. I failed my driving test, i didnt get a work promotion despite working late and training up several ...
A. 27 December 2009: All you can do is keep going with your life. You're not a loser. I felt the same a little while back. Lost my job, felt lonely, and did nothing but wonder whether I was worthless. So I set up my own company. I know it's not easy, but all you can do ... (read in full...)
Am I stupid for wanting to be with him again or am I wasting my time?
Q. my ex bf and I broke up a few weeks ago. He didn't tell me why but I think it was because of my medical condition as i got really sick when I was there at his place. ever since then I can't stop thinking about him, every time i see his pic i ge...
A. 27 December 2009: You're not stupid, you're just in love. However, consider this. Why would you want to be with a guy who deserted you when you were ill? What happens in the future? I would say you can do better. ... (read in full...)
Can opposites attract and last?
Q. hey me and my bf are best friends very much in love but we are very very different. our hobbis are different we like different music, wear different clothes and come from different cultures. however deep down we have the same core beliefs. we are b...
A. 27 December 2009: If you love each other, if you can communicate, and if you trust each other and are willing to compromise, then it can last. ... (read in full...)
I got slapped on Boxing day, he says he will not drink again, I'm scared!
Q. i have been with my fiance now for 2 ans half years we have a 9 month old baby together. the whole time through our relationship was amazing i knew he had a temper because i had seen it towards others whenwe had been out, he always get very ...
A. 27 December 2009: He hit you twice. I would suggest moving out for some time to think about whether you want to be with him for a start. Maybe stay with friends or family for a while while you think. If you do want to stay with him, he has to stop drinking ... (read in full...)
My work colleague has left his wife for me. Should I get involved?
Q. I have been working at my work place for 11 months. It became obvious 6 months ago that one of my married work colleagues had developed feelings for me. He constantly hung around my office area during his lunch. I steadfastly ignored him. Even some ...
A. 27 December 2009: The thing is, what happens when he leaves you for someone else? He should have been putting more effort into his marriage if he was unhappy, before leaving her for you. What does he really know about you? What do you know about him? What happens if ... (read in full...)
I caught my girlfriend in a couple lies. What do you think?
Q. hey guys just found out that my girlfriend, who has previously cheated, was at a guys place few months ago just them two and she smoked weed with him for the first time but lead me to believe she has never done it. she also admitted to having b...
A. 27 December 2009: I think you can do better that a woman who smokes weed at other men's houses, and who has previously cheated. That's what I think. Chances are she probably did cheat.... (read in full...)
Talk dirty to me
Q. My bf wants me to talk dirty to him in bed and I don't know what to say .Please help....
A. 27 December 2009: When you're in bed, tell him you'll say what he wants you too because he's the boss and you want him to order you to say something. That will surely get him thinking and talking.... (read in full...)
I have fantasies about my ex-girlfriend talking about and sometimes actually cheating on me with another man. Why?
Q. My ex-girlfriend cheated on me and I was upset at first, eventually got over it, etc. but then somewhere along the line (we were still going out) I began fantasizing about her with other men...sometimes black men, other times one of my friends. I...
A. 27 December 2009: Well the post below says, maybe you like that kind of thought. Or maybe the truth is the only way you can deal with her cheating and hurting you is to imagine her with other men and imagine it's a good thing? ... (read in full...)
2 year age gap
Q. She's 2 years older than me and told me she likes me I mean I like her but what should I do know? She wishes I was 2 yrs older and we get close holding hands leaning on each other but... She told me in a txt but wHat should I do know I'm sure she ...
A. 27 December 2009: I think she does and I think it's because you're both so young. More than anything she's probably worried about being judged by someone her own age in school or something like that. I think you can afford to be her friend for now, and if you really ... (read in full...)
Is settling for best ever an option?
Q. Is settling for second best ever an option? I am crazy about this one guy who understands me right to the core. He's like gasoline to an open flame, so much passion and fire. Trouble is he's got so much going on that a relationship is out of the ...
A. 27 December 2009: It's a tough question. The truth is though, you don't want second best do you? And there's the problem. Until you find someone who can beat that guy you think is the One, you will never be truly happy with someone. My advice is to just keep meeting ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn't give me a Christmas present!
Q. My boyfriend didn't get me a Christmas present. I wrapped all his kids gifts and put mine under the tree. We ad a talk prior to Christmas about exchanging gifts. I didn't was there to be any financial burdon on either of us, so I suggested that we ...
A. 27 December 2009: Oops. Men are very literal creatures. If you say forget it, then they will do just that. You asked him to skip it, so after thinking it though, he did. ... (read in full...)
Friend having an affair, husband knows but doesn't do anything!
Q. guys can someone translate this please.. a married friend of mine is having an emotional affair with a married woman whose thier famillies are friends it is a common dilemma but the confusing part is her husband who knows what she is doing but ...
A. 26 December 2009: Did he fall asleep? Or was he pretending? It's more likely he either doesn't know what to do, or perhaps really doesn't care. I think you'll find he's in denial, or he just does't know what to do about it.... (read in full...)
Why can't he distance himself from his ex completely?
Q. hello i have been seeing this guy for 1 year now. he is really sweet and nice to me but the problem is he can't distance himself from his ex. They were seeing each other for 5 months till she dumped him and it tool him 2 years before he finall...
A. 26 December 2009: Sounds to me like you are being played. I don't think he ever really got over her, and he stopped talking to her for you, then split from you, then started talking to her again and now accuses you of being insecure. Time to move on and start afresh ... (read in full...)
Unmanly stance of my penis
Q. Hi Everybody! Could anyone help me with this problem? When my penis is erect, it doesn't lie down on my tummy; it stands upright, pointing at the ceiling. Then when I stand up, the penis , if it is very hard and if I'm very aroused, simply keeps ...
A. 26 December 2009: There's nothing wrong with you at all. You have a normal penis... (read in full...)
Best friend slept with my girl and it bothers me!
Q. im 17 and ive been dating this girl for about two months. shes 15 and has made mistakes in her life, she has a baby girl, but i really liked her. people told me the child shouldnt matter. before we started datin she had a crush on my best friend. ...
A. 26 December 2009: There is a big warning here. This girl has a lot going on in her life, and I think it would be better to move on from her now before you really get hurt. ... (read in full...)
He gives mixed responses. Is he for real or just playing games?
Q. hi I don't know if this guy is player or he is genuine? should I drop him? when I decided to move away I started a casual relationship with him because I was going away for good and wont have to deal with it. I know he was sleeping with ...
A. 26 December 2009: I think you have to ask him. That's the only way to be sure. ... (read in full...)
Should you be honest about fantasies?
Q. What is the right thing to say to your boyfriend when they ask you what else other than them you think about during masturbation?...
A. 26 December 2009: You tell him you think about him. Even of it's a total lie. There's nothing wrong with fantasy. But your boyfriend would be hurt if you said you were thinking of someone else.... (read in full...)
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