| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Girlfriend wants to date me, not physically cheat, but also date others
Q. I have been dating a girl exclusively since the end of October 2009, she's 25, and was previously married to her first ever boyfriend, whom she has a daughter with. They divorced nearly a year ago, and I am her second relationship since. When we ...
A. 22 January 2010: She's keeping you very nicely on a string isn't she. Fact - if she loves you enough, she'd be with you. You're just being kept like a comfort blanket. Get rid of her. Never allow yourself to be treated this way. ... (read in full...)
Should I move to be closer to her again?
Q. hey there, i am having the worst time of my lifetime. there is this girl whom i am working with, we first start it as friend,we were best of each other, she told me that i am the best person she has ever seen and god is compensation her for the time ...
A. 12 January 2010: Be careful, that's all I can say. She's said she's in trouble at the moment, so you don't want to end up dragged into a mess. I don't think she would do that to you in fairness, she seems like a great girl. I think you an afford to talk to her, but ... (read in full...)
Really attracted to him but don't want to take it far unless we are in relationship
Q. Im 19 years old and Im scared to have sex....this guy I use to work, we had really good chemistry but things wasnt so good for me then so I quit my job and we lost contact....Recently Ive gotten back in touch with him and I would really would like ...
A. 12 January 2010: Just stick to your guns about being in a relationship first. You want to be with him, and at the moment he appears to be not so bothered, which could mean he's more interested in sex than anything else. So stick your guns, and maybe ask him out on a ... (read in full...)
Ex stole my jewelry?
Q. have a problem? my ex has said to me on phone after i discovered my jewellery is missing, i said where is my jewellery? his words where, "its down the pawn shop where i took my watch you know the one in so and so" i said where is my jewllery again ...
A. 12 January 2010: Well if he said it was at the pawn shop and you have that recorded by the police, then I'd say that was pretty good evidence to be fair. ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm missing out!
Q. Here goes, im 36 years old, have a daughter who is ten and me and her dad split up when she was six monthes. It took a long time to get over him, stopped crying every night for four years and since then i have dated every once in a while, slept with ...
A. 12 January 2010: Actually you've done a really good job, so don't put yourself down yet. I don't have kids, and in fairness I don't have all the bills and commitments you, do but I can to an extent understand how you feel. I was without a job for a year after losing ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to stay together with a liar and a cheater?
Q. My question is a very short one. I have been married almost 3 years to a man I really love and consider to be my best friend. however since i first showed him the cyber social sited he bagan to talk to girls all overr and began telling them hewanted ...
A. 11 January 2010: You asked him to stop, he hasn't. That says it all. Send him packing. ... (read in full...)
Should I end my marriage due to my wife cheating for a year whilst denying it all that time...
Q. I have been married for 10 years and we have one 9 year old child. My wife is 8 years my junior, she is 42. I first suspected my wife cheating over a year ago based on the usual e.g., not answering the phone when I am around and sleeping with the ...
A. 11 January 2010: Bottom line is she cheated and lied over a year, and even denied it over and over again until you proved it to her. This isn't like giving her another chance. You gave her several chances to come clean and she didn't. And her excuse? He was ... (read in full...)
Choosing between boyfriend or new friend!
Q. Here's my situation..I have been with my boyfriend for 5years beginning was crazy cheating you name it. He has been trying to change..but he gave me an ultimatum to have a kid so he could feel like he has a secure thing going..Mind u I have two boys ...
A. 11 January 2010: Your boyfriend hasn't changed, he's just adapted. Instead of cheating, he has now give you an ultimatum to have a child? Run from him, he's trying to trap you. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my b/f but things can't go on like this either!
Q. I have had problems with my ex boyfriend for 2 years now. He said that wants to try and work things out with me, but as soon i do something wrong he says 'i was going to ask if you wanted to get back together but im reconsidering it now'. i told him ...
A. 11 January 2010: I will give you the best it of advice about this. Cut contact, move on. He's not interested enough, and you're wasting your time.... (read in full...)
What do men find really irrestible in women???
Q. Is it possible to make someone fall in love with you? Im not talking about attracting a guy so you can sleep together, but the kinda love where he wants to meet your parents. What do men find really irrestible in women??? please be honest,...
A. 11 January 2010: I like a confident woman. Be confident and happy with yourself.... (read in full...)
We check each other out, but nothing comes of it!
Q. I am finally to have a relationship after breaking up with someone about 8 months ago. I have tried online dating for the last 6 months and haven't had much luck. I recently reminded of a guy at the gym. I noticed him way back at the end ...
A. 11 January 2010: I don't think it would, though it might take him a little time to open up if he is shy. If he likes you, it certainly won't put him. I think you should go for it. Just say hi again, and get to know him a bit more Hopefully he'll open up. ... (read in full...)
Am I too young to have a baby?
Q. Can I have some advice please. i'm 16 and with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. I have thought this through 100 times and all the aspects that need to be covered. I am also a trainee hairdresser, but I really want a baby. so does my boyfriend, ...
A. 11 January 2010: I always answer this question with the same answer. And that is money. I'm sure you do want one, but the fact is that you probably can't afford one yet. In Britain, on average it costs £120000 upwards to raise a child until it is 18. Then there is ... (read in full...)
I hate university! How do I tell my parents?
Q. Let me just get straight to the point, I hate university, and i'm only there to make my parents happy. They know that. I've tried telling them so many times that i'm literally depressed there. I still live at home and travel up every morning, but I ...
A. 11 January 2010: You need to know why you hate it so much before you tell your parents, because they will come out with all sorts of useless reasoning to make you stay there. I actually didn't even bother going in the end because I was so depressed and just wanted ... (read in full...)
Did I blow my chances with this guy I like?
Q. So theres this boy I sit next to twice a week and I really like him. So I may have flirted a bit.His mate noticed and went around telling everyone that I like him, so I told everyone that I don't, even though I do. His mate does not believe me but ...
A. 11 January 2010: You now need to speak to the guy you fancy, because he will be confused. Go to him, tell him how you feel. It's not easy, but it's better than sitting there fancying him and not knowing how he feels. ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants to date me, not physically cheat, but also date others
Q. I have been dating a girl exclusively since the end of October 2009, she's 25, and was previously married to her first ever boyfriend, whom she has a daughter with. They divorced nearly a year ago, and I am her second relationship since. When we ...
A. 11 January 2010: Buddy, I just think you're wasting your time. I know that's not what you want to hear from me, but don't be second best. You're either and item, or you're just not. ... (read in full...)
PLEASE! I need an outsider's perspective about this relationship.
Q. I had a bf almost a year ago whom I had broken up with because I found out he was cheating on me. This had hurt me so severely I was depressed for months, had nightmares and developed a phobia on certain things and places. For some reason, my ...
A. 11 January 2010: Stick to that decision. He's practically seeing a married women for God's sake. He doesn't deserve a second of your time. ... (read in full...)
Who is best for me???
Q. hey. okay, i really don't know what to do, this guy has asked me out, and i said yes even though i just met him 2 days ago and he has an extremely bad reputation of cheating, being controlling and sleeping around, but supposedly he really likes me...
A. 11 January 2010: None of them are right for you! One is a serial cheater who is bound to hurt you (don't think he will change, he won't). And the other two just want you for sex. Just for a moment, think with your heart. Do you want to be second best to a bunch of ... (read in full...)
Should I just keep it to myself or should I tell her how I feel?
Q. 2002 was a rough time for me. I had just had gotten laid off, and I had sank into a deep depression. During this depression, I had become very insecure and this manifested into me developing serious trust issues with my ex, and in the process I said ...
A. 11 January 2010: If you're getting on, and she's still single, maybe it's worth a try. It would be a shame if you didn't say anything and she still loved you. The only way to find out is to say something.... (read in full...)
Help me out here! Is it illegal for an 18 year old to date an 15 year old?
Q. Is it illegal for an 18 year old to date an 15 year old? ...
A. 11 January 2010: Not illegal, but I'm not sure it's advisable, since she is under the age of consent and you don't want to end up in trouble.... (read in full...)
Any comments are appreciated. I want to be in a relationship but I just don't see it happening again.
Q. Its been 9 months since my ex broke up with me. A part of me always foolishly held onto the hope of her coming back. Any hope I had stopped when she found a new boyfriend. I'm not mad at her about it. I want her to be happy and if she finds ...
A. 11 January 2010: The only comfort I can give is that I didn't have much luck with women after splitting from my ex, then I decided I'd focus on my life for a while, and now I've met someone. The point is, rather the worrying about the past and worrying about meeting ... (read in full...)
How does a 31 year old tell a male 27 year old to shave his bush?
Q. How does a 31 year old tell a male 27 year old to shave his bush?...
A. 11 January 2010: Nice, G. Great poem. The comments are right really. Men respond to direct remarks, so ask him to do it because it will make it easier for you to pleasure him.... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable to ask that this friendship ends now?
Q. so my boyfriend saw his ex and kept it a secret from me and recently saved some photos of her in her underwear. we've talked it through. he said he wants me and me only. he wants us to work and I am willing to try and give it this relationshi...
A. 11 January 2010: No, it's not unreasonable. To be honest, it's a bit worrying that he's suddenly saved some photos of her. Where and when did he get those? And to keep it a secret from you is another red flag as well. Time to talk to him.... (read in full...)
Introducing my boyfriend to my family...
Q. How soon do you reckon i should wait before introducing my boyfriend to my family?? We've only been going out like 4 weeks already but i've met his family already but by accident and i really can see myself with him for a while. I'm worried inca...
A. 11 January 2010: Meeting parents can be a daunting task for anyone. For men, it's more the father in law we fear. So when you're ready (it will feel right), take him over, and make sure your mother is there. He will hopefully feel less threatened by her. But do it ... (read in full...)
I smell trouble from my mum's boyfriend!
Q. My mother's boyfriend came back to live with us after a couple years (yes, years) of taking care of his sick mother. Today, my mother had already left for work, and it was just me and him in the house. He came down for breakfast and sat uncomfor...
A. 11 January 2010: He's obviously making advances towards you now, so it's likely it will happen again. Make sure you tell him clearly you don't like it. As for your mum, she won't want to believe it, but if it happens again, tell her again.... (read in full...)
What to do about this Scarlet Letter?
Q. The guy I'm seeing has a girlfriend. I've met her, I know who she is and I remind him all the time that he has a girlfriend. I know some of you will judge me, knowing he has a girlfriend, but I've tried to stop, so has he, but apparently it's still ...
A. 11 January 2010: I will tell you now that you are nothing more than second best to this guy, and you will never be anything else. So stop contact, delete his numbers, all contacts and forget about him, or you'll be second best for life.... (read in full...)
I've slept with one person, and been with him for 3 years. Yet I think I have herpes!
Q. Hey everybody. Im seventeen years old and going through a tough time. About two years ago me an my boyfriend of 3 years slept with each other for the first time, and have been sleeping together since, at first using condoms and then after a...
A. 11 January 2010: Get it checked at the doctors quickly. Your health is what matters, and you need to get checked. If you have got it, and you haven't been with another guy, then talk to your boyfriend.... (read in full...)
Brother and sister playing footsie..too close?
Q. I had a concern and maybe it is not. We were watching a movie yesterday and my fiance was sitting with his sister on the coach. It just was alittle wierd for me they were all bunched up together and were playing footsies but it looked weird and I ...
A. 11 January 2010: I think you are. Siblings still play fight now and again. I don't think there's anything in it at all. ... (read in full...)
I got drunk and kissed a guy from work, do I tell my boyfriend?
Q. Hi there... Well basically I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now and I really love him. We were best friends for about 3 years before we got together. Everything is great now but the start of the relationship was a bit awkward r...
A. 11 January 2010: A relationship should be built upon honesty. But sometimes it it's not in anyone's best interests. It was kiss, when you were drunk. You're sorry, and you won't let it happen again because you won't get drunk again that much. I think on this ... (read in full...)
Should I ask him if he's planning on seeing his ex?
Q. My boyfriend of almost a year is going to visit his relatives in a week by himself. In the time we have been together, he has only been to see them once, and he and I went together for a holiday. I normally would not think anything of this...
A. 11 January 2010: He has said clearly she won't speak to him, and he seems adamant that he won't speak to her. All you can don is trust him. If you continue to question him about her, he'll close off even more. You can only trust him. ... (read in full...)
Understanding low self esteem and dating a best friend of 12 years who suffers from it
Q. I am looking for some opinions on low self esteem and dating. My best friend of 12 years has very low self esteem and not suffering from it myself, I find it hard to understand how she feels. I looked on the internet and found a comment that an ...
A. 11 January 2010: My girlfriend has the same problem with esteem. All I can suggest is that you continue to listen to her carefully and continue to reassure her. It had helped with my girlfriend, and though her esteem is still low, it's a lot better than it was. Just ... (read in full...)
Scared of Anal sex?
Q. I'm 19. I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year, and I've built up this barrier in our sex life. I'm afraid to have anal sex, so much so that I've made him believe I can't have it or I'll freak out. I know he had anal sex in his previous ...
A. 11 January 2010: You don't have to do anything you don't want to. If your boyfriend is a nice guy, he'll listen and understand.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend likes to wear clothes with naked women on them...I don't like it!
Q. My bf likes to wear clothes with naked females on them. I find this quite offensive. If he wants to look at porn, thats ok, as long as I am not subjected to it. Why does he have to wear it on his clothes? It makes him look like a sleezy pervert i...
A. 11 January 2010: I would just tell him how you feel about it. To be honest, it's one thing to look at porn, but another to wear clothes with naked women on them with you around. Just tell him how you feel. ... (read in full...)
Do I throw away 4 and half years of hard work for this friend?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 n half years now n everything was good to begin with. We have been through a lot as well and still stuck ny each other. Now, it feels like I'm.just a cook,cleaner and dog walker. I do everything in the house an...
A. 11 January 2010: Your relationship does sound dead. Even when you've spoken to him he hasn't changed. So I think perhaps you need to look closely at whether you want to continue with it. As for your friend, date him if you do split, but take it slow. You dont' want ... (read in full...)
I married him not realizing what a deal breaker his kids would be!
Q. I have recently got married for the second time. I have known my husband for 14 years and we were always really great friends. He has 3 children by different women and sees them all regularly. One is now grown up but the other two are 8 and 14. He ...
A. 11 January 2010: You have a choice. Accept him and his kids as they are, or end the marriage. You can't change him, and you can't change them. ... (read in full...)
Lesbian relationship - she wants to see other women
Q. Recently as to last night my gf called me to state that she had been thinkin about going out and seeing the lesbian clubs and bars to meet new people. which i understand she has never been out done it and got the t-shirt. she also dose not kn...
A. 11 January 2010: I would let her go. She's not committed to you fully, otherwise she wouldn't be having this problem. And how long until she can't hold it in? You know in your heart that it would hurt. Better to move on now, than later.... (read in full...)
Abortion: I said I wouldn't do it again but b/f wants me to!
Q. I'm 23 and just found out i'm about 5 weeks pregnant. i've told my boyfriend of 4 years who i live with and he doesnt want it he isnt pressuring me to get rid of it but he definately wants me to. I've already had one termination while i've been with ...
A. 11 January 2010: You've done it once, and you know you didn't like it. I suspect that if you do it again, it will hit you even harder. You need to sit down by yourself and look at your own life and what you want from it. It's easy for a man to say have an abortion, ... (read in full...)
He's stuck up and arrogant but I want to be the girl who changes him!!
Q. I've dated a guy like 2 summers ago.I feel like we broke up for a stupid reason and we never got to finish our relationship.we still keep in contact and I help him time to time.When we was together,that was my baby.I felt so in LOVE .He is a very ...
A. 10 January 2010: Good choice. Because the other wont' change. Take it from a man, that it takes a huge amount of will to change, and it comes from within. ... (read in full...)
He's stuck up and arrogant but I want to be the girl who changes him!!
Q. I've dated a guy like 2 summers ago.I feel like we broke up for a stupid reason and we never got to finish our relationship.we still keep in contact and I help him time to time.When we was together,that was my baby.I felt so in LOVE .He is a very ...
A. 10 January 2010: First of all, you don't love your boyfriend if you are thinking about being the one that changes your ex's way. End it with him so he can find someone who is committed. Then look at your own life and focus on yourself, because your ex isn't the guy ... (read in full...)
He's having an emotional affair with me but refuses to end it with her boyfriend...
Q. I met a girl that is just great. she likes me alot. i like her alot. we have a true connection. there is one problem, she has a boyfriend who she has been with for over four years. they live together along with her sister. she stays up all night ...
A. 10 January 2010: She won't end it either. You're the shoulder to cry on. Frank's advice is sound. ... (read in full...)
My ex won't talk to me because I talk on Bebo to other girls!
Q. Need Help ... Im in love with my ex we are still really good friends she still tells me she loves me. I still say it back but she read some of my comments on bebo and thinks i am flirting with other girls, i am not really. i just call them hun and ...
A. 10 January 2010: Well she's an ex, so she has no right to tell you what to do at all. There is no use in her giving you the silent treatment if she's just an ex. ... (read in full...)
How can I quit being a control freak?
Q. i have been married for 16 years.my wife is sick of me being a control freak. i have hurt her and she wants me to change. she says we need to be friends before anything else. she wont be intimate with me.i am very fortunate that she hasnt left me.i ...
A. 10 January 2010: It is true that you're fortunate, but it shows also that your wife does really love you. I think you need counselling. The need for control is often because of insecurity, so you need to look back at your life and think about what it is that has ... (read in full...)
What are vaginas supposed to smell like at 14?
Q. hey guys. im 14 years old and ive had a sertain problem for a while now. but ive never had the corrage to tell any one about it.. but thats not what i need to know. im not sure if its normall but ive had a very strong fishy sent coming from m...
A. 10 January 2010: It might be that you have an infection. So it is worth talking to the doctor. You're in Britain, so you can go to the doctor entirely confidentially, and your parents dont' have to know a thing. ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants to date me, not physically cheat, but also date others
Q. I have been dating a girl exclusively since the end of October 2009, she's 25, and was previously married to her first ever boyfriend, whom she has a daughter with. They divorced nearly a year ago, and I am her second relationship since. When we ...
A. 4 January 2010: Do you really want to wait all that time, knowing she is seeing other men, just to see if she might want to be with you in six of seven years time? She's in a dream world where she's waiting for someone better to come along. and you don't know that ... (read in full...)
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