| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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What are vaginas supposed to smell like at 14?
Q. hey guys. im 14 years old and ive had a sertain problem for a while now. but ive never had the corrage to tell any one about it.. but thats not what i need to know. im not sure if its normall but ive had a very strong fishy sent coming from m...
A. 10 January 2010: It might be that you have an infection. So it is worth talking to the doctor. You're in Britain, so you can go to the doctor entirely confidentially, and your parents dont' have to know a thing. ... (read in full...)
Afraid she'll leave me if I ask her, to stay off the internet. Help!
Q. my wife and i have been drifting apart for about 2 years.she is always on the internet and is very brief when i ask her what she is dolng.she always has her cell locked and never leaves it alone.i have noticed several friends on her facebook site ...
A. 10 January 2010: First of all, read this site. www.womensinfidelity.com . Don't assume that your wife is having an affair, just make the assumption that your marriage needs to be kick started again. The most important thing you can do is sit her down and tell ... (read in full...)
Do tattoos hurt?
Q. ok so i just have a little question, could anyone tell me if getting a tattoo or piercing is sorer? i had amy tragus pierced back in june and it was sore, not to forget i have a terrible fear of needles but really want a small tattoo thanks...
A. 10 January 2010: Both are pretty painful, but my friend once said tattoos were the more painful of the two. ... (read in full...)
I have a bit more skin than I think I should down there...
Q. Sorry if this is a bit of a weird question but im slightly worried. Is a little bit of excess skin "down below" normal? I know porn stars etc have surgery down there so it looks perfect. but on me, (excuse the going into detail) inbewtween the flaps ...
A. 10 January 2010: Your boyfriend is happy, and being a male I can tell you there's nothing wrong with you. Every woman is different, and a guy will love you for who you are. Don't worry.... (read in full...)
I was a jerk, we broke up, now she has a new b/f and I want her back
Q. My (ex) girlfriend broke up with me 9 weeks ago. At the time she broke up with me, I didn't realise what i had done to her, but now i can see that i was killing her mentally. I was being a complete jerk to her and being really unfair for about the ...
A. 10 January 2010: You can't. That's the point. It's like missing the last train. There are no other chances. If she hadn't got a new boyfriend, you would have been okay to try again. But she's moved on. Even if you spoke to her, she'd just turn you away, because ... (read in full...)
My relationship has hit a two year glitch
Q. Dear Agony Aunts I am finally in a commited relationship after some help from this website a few years ago. Thank you. But relationships seems to become more complicated as I progress further into them. Everything seemed 'lovely dovel...
A. 10 January 2010: This happens quite often. One person just feels like it is becoming routine, or becomes a little unsure, or there can sometimes be things outside of the relationship. My girlfriend became a little unsettled herself because of things that had ... (read in full...)
I was a jerk, we broke up, now she has a new b/f and I want her back
Q. My (ex) girlfriend broke up with me 9 weeks ago. At the time she broke up with me, I didn't realise what i had done to her, but now i can see that i was killing her mentally. I was being a complete jerk to her and being really unfair for about the ...
A. 10 January 2010: You can't do a thing. She's moved on. You've learnt an important lesson and that is to respect the woman you're with. She is now happy with someone else, and you have to move on. ... (read in full...)
He has been unfaithful and violent but I still love him
Q. Just to fill you out on the background first: Me and my boyfriend started courting at the slightly young age of thirteen, and now we're fifteen, so we've basically been going out for two years. The first three months of our relationship were no...
A. 10 January 2010: You really need to stop seeing him. 2 women a week die in Britain because of domestic violent. Granted, he is getting help, but he has also cheated. He's just not worth your time. Don't go into adulthood with an abuser as your boyfriend, because ... (read in full...)
He's growing more and more violent but I'm afraid to leave because it will hurt him
Q. im 16 and my bf is 21. we`ve been dating for 3 months. every time we have sex he likes to do it rough and cause me pain. he says its "kinky". he will choke me and bite me and pull my hard and smack me and bite my lips so hard that theyll bleed. ...
A. 10 January 2010: Forget his heart. What about you? I thought I'd do a bit of research into American domestic abuse figures for you, and these are real. On average, 3 women a day are murdered in he US by an abusive partner, and 1 in four women at some point will ... (read in full...)
Crush! What should I do about it?
Q. I've had a huge crush on this guy since last year. It's the biggest crush I've ever had on someone that wasn't a celebrity or something like that. We were in a class last year and he would do a lot of things that led me to believe that he liked me. ...
A. 10 January 2010: Talk to him. From a guy's perspective it can be really difficult to understand what a woman's thinking, because there are so many signs that we don't know what it all means. If you like the guy, talk to him, get to know him. Do anything. Even walk ... (read in full...)
Can you talk yourself out of depression?
Q. So... usually i don't ask questions like this but, is it possible to talk yourself out of depression? if you are feeling depressed, can you talk yourself out of it and cheer yourself up? i am only asking this because i have a a pretty lengthy h...
A. 10 January 2010: Gina's right. You need to try to stop worrying about it as much and continue to focus on your own life. I have a friend who has bipolar, so I know that's easier said than done (it can be very worrying to see the sudden depressive mood swings, I ... (read in full...)
Is it bad to always want to be around your friends?
Q. I'm starting to form really close bonds with my friends. This is great cause as a little kid i was a bit socially awkward. The only problem is now I always want to be around them. Well, only one in particular, which is normal i guess considering i ...
A. 10 January 2010: It's not bad to want to be around them a lot, but clearly you're worried that you're becoming too reliant on them. If you are worried, then the best thing you an do is take a step back and look at your own life. Focus on yourself sometimes, maybe ... (read in full...)
I want to get a guy and have my first kiss!
Q. I feel like i will never get a first kiss. I want to find out how to get a guy. i mean i just want like a person who i will always feel safe with. im 14 and still havent hooked up with anyone which is pretty pathetic. please don't tell me im too ...
A. 10 January 2010: Slow down! I didn't have my first kiss or girlfriend until I was nearly 17. I know how you feel. It can be a bit painful thinking that you're behind everyone else, and maybe you feel like it won't happen. But it will. Thing is, I'm not saying you're ... (read in full...)
I can't talk to her and feel like we're going nowhere
Q. hey i am 14 and in a relationship and well, wen ever i get near her i cant say anything and i cant start a conversation and i hate it! i feel like were going no where and that soon were gunna break up cuz i cant talk to her, so is there any tips on ...
A. 10 January 2010: Ask her about herself. Really get to know about her. And listen to what she says as well. Shyness can be a real pain, but I have always found that as the other person opens up, I do too because feel more comfortable about it all. So my advice is to ... (read in full...)
Sleeping together without the sex
Q. A question more for curiosity than experience: My boyfriend and I have been on and off for around a year and a half. I'd say, of those eighteen months, we've together cumulatively seven or eight months. I love him, despite our broken relation...
A. 10 January 2010: You might be a good girl, and might not at first want to do anything other than sleep. But he only has to make a move and suddenly temptation will be too much to handle. And being a male, I know that he will be more than tempted with his hormones at ... (read in full...)
Second chance? Or keep trying to move on?
Q. My ex and I broke up about a year ago, our relationship was just really up and down and I didn't know where it was going anymore. I still love him though in spite of it all, and I haven't moved on. At first I thought time would heal it, but it ...
A. 10 January 2010: Well you still love him , and he still clearly loves you. According to your post, the relationship had ups and downs, so it wasn't like anyone cheated or was really nasty that it left the other hurt. Yes, give it another shot, and make it clear that ... (read in full...)
Its like pulling teeth getting her to talk to me!
Q. hi my name is Allan. i have a problem and i want to find some help... well me and my gf have been together for almost 3 years now. we have a son together. but my problem is everyday its like pulling teeth to get her to talk to me. she tells me shes ...
A. 10 January 2010: Well, this is one of those times where you now have to really think about what you want from all this. First of all, as the father, you have the right to see your son and it doesn't just have to be on her time, so perhaps look towards a lawyer about ... (read in full...)
I'm growing suspicious of his actions
Q. i have known tthis guy for nearly a year we were like best friends and we have recently started dating. we literally speak on the fone for more then 6 hours a day. before we got together we were very close however recently i have started getting ...
A. 10 January 2010: It means you were a little too curious. He is allowed his own privacy, because the idea of trust is that someone can have a private account, someone can go out, someone can join a club and meet friends without the other being suspicious or too ... (read in full...)
How to break up with him?
Q. I've been going out with this guy [C] for 2 months, though I have went out with him before. We aren't sexually active, but we have felt eachother. He says he loves me and he wants to marry me, and I promised I wouldn't leave him. Lately I've been ...
A. 10 January 2010: You must not allow yourself to go out with a man because you're worried about what he might do if you don't. Yes, he might start rumours, yes he might do something to himself, yes he will be hurt and yes he might tell everyone about what you've ... (read in full...)
Why do men lie on social networks?
Q. Why do guys lie on "social network" sites? He lies about how much money he makes,how successful his little business is, his personality, his past, you name it. He has also asked women from other countries to come here (USA) after exchanging just a ...
A. 10 January 2010: If he told the truth, do you think that woman would have packed her bags to visit him? He lies because it works. Sadly he's picking on women who come across as naive, or perhaps have low self esteem and are just hoping for the shot at some ... (read in full...)
Now that I'm happy I'm making excuses not to be!
Q. So i've been dating this guy for about three weeks now, everything has been going really great. We've both had our history of unhealthy relationships. (like really bad) So, I think we were thankful to find eachother, because we were tired of th...
A. 10 January 2010: You're scared that he will hurt you, so to stop it you're pushing him away now. You need to relax and trust this guy, because if you don't you will lose him and this might develop into a serious problem. Just relax and trust him.... (read in full...)
How I Can Get Over A Guy VERY SOON?
Q. The only reason why I have problems getting over guys is because I get used to their company. Its always a gap in between dating. I just stopped dating a guy who actually took me OUT and PAID for our dinner, stuff like that was real polite. Ever...
A. 9 January 2010: The right one will come when you least expect it to be honest. There's not a thing wrong with you at all, so don't worry. Just keep wading through all the guys who want you for nothing else, and you'll find him. Not every guy just wants sex. ... (read in full...)
My ex has totally frozen me out of his life
Q. When my ex and I broke up last month after 2 years together I messaged him to ask him if there was someone else. It didn't really bother me by then if he was or wasn't because he had been acting so distant toward that I felt by the end we had ...
A. 9 January 2010: He's done what he has to do to be able to move on. It doesn't reflect you. I froze my ex out because it was the easiest way of moving out. The best thing you can do is move on too, no matter how hard it is. I'm sure you're hurt and confused, but ... (read in full...)
Husband wants to meet and talk before signing divorce papers. Should I do this?
Q. After being separated from my husband for nearly 5 years, I filled out divorce papers and gave them to him. He was a mess and refused to sign the papers. Now he says he wants to meet somewhere and "talk" and says I "owe it to him" to talk about ...
A. 9 January 2010: First of all, don't be blackmailed emotionally. You've been separated for 5 years, and that's enough. You don't 'owe' him a thing after this amount of time. And don't be blackmailed by the suicide thing either. Even if he did do it, it would not be ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I am tired of being friends with my best friend?
Q. Is it wrong that I am tired of being friends with my best friend? I have been friends with my best friend since we were young almost 20 years now! She has been with the same man for 8 years and they are getting married. I am now dating a man, wh...
A. 9 January 2010: Not that great if she's making you choose between her and someone you love, is she? And not that great if she then says you're s shitty friend. Let her do what she wants, and you follow your own life. She can't have it all her own way. Perhaps ... (read in full...)
He's probably just using me on the weekends
Q. Hi.. I really like a guy I work with.We get on great and always have a laugh together when we go out in town.Were always textin and I've really fallen for him in the last couple of weeks.Hes in college an I'm still in secondary school,but hes kind...
A. 9 January 2010: He is using you, and it's not worth telling him how you feel, because you can do better than a guy who uses you for nothing more than the weekend and is seeing someone else. Don't accept a guy who is second best.... (read in full...)
How do I forget my married lover?
Q. Ok its me Lioness again, i read all the replies and i am going to move on and leave the married man alone. i just need help getting him out of my head what should i do?...
A. 9 January 2010: First of all, cut all contact, no matter how tempting. Delete his numbers, emails etc. Then, sit down and think about what you want from your life. Kids? A husband? Maybe a new career? Or even just a new hobby. Throw yourself into your life again. ... (read in full...)
She broke up with her b/f and I've been waiting for this!
Q. my friend had just been dumped by her boyfriend, and i have liked her for a long time now, however i want to know how she feels about me before asking her out, and if i do ask her out, how should ido it? i dont want to look a fool and then she ...
A. 9 January 2010: I know you're eager to get her, but you need to give her time. She has just been hurt, so her feelings will be all over the place. Be there for her as a friend, but give her time until you talk to her.... (read in full...)
STD, foreplay questions
Q. I might sound dumb but I'm curious and I'll never know if I don't ask. So.. What's the difference between stds and stis? I know what they are but is there a difference? Also can they be passed on by oral sex? Is a condom a good way for me to protect ...
A. 9 January 2010: STD and STI are the same. STD stands for sexually transmitted disease, STI stands for sexually transmitted infection. They're just different says of saying it. Certain infections such as herpes can be transmitted orally, and yes a condom can make a ... (read in full...)
Girl wants to have unprotected sex with me and I'm only 14!
Q. I am 14 and a girl i kno wants me to hav sex with her i am about 5 inches when erect and uncircumsised i am a virgin and she is not ... she wants to do it unprotected and hav a kid ... confused :S help pls...
A. 9 January 2010: No, doesn't hurt for a guy first time around. Just don't do it yet, that's all.... (read in full...)
How do ever find love again after your first love?
Q. hey, i was wondering do you ever find love after your first one? i havnt really stopped thinking about her over the last year, and i feel stuck and frustrated because i dont want to go against my feelings for her and meet someone new, but i know i ...
A. 9 January 2010: I was the same with my ex. Took me 6 months to get over her. Now I'm with someone a million times better. The point being, you will get over in your own time as you're ready, and you will find someone better. Just keep working through it all. You'll ... (read in full...)
This girl likes me and I like her but she isn't looking for a relationship. What should I do?
Q. I'm 16 and there is this girl i really like and i know she likes me. She would always be happy to see me, her friends would tell her to wave at me when she didn't see me, and she waved at me from across a crowded room. Anyway i asked her out because ...
A. 9 January 2010: You'll be waiting a long time. I think she was letting you down very lightly. She has said everything. She's not looking for a relationship at all. I'm afraid you have to move on from her.... (read in full...)
My High School Sweetheart Cheated on Me, Should I Take Him Back?
Q. Hi everyone, I've been pretty confused lately about my situation at hand and I am in desperate need of advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years(since the 8th grade!) and we are both freshman at college and even though we don't go...
A. 9 January 2010: My feelings are the same as yours about him cheating more than once with her. He could have stopped it. However, his reaction suggests that he is truly sorry about all this, and it does sound like you both love each other. Normally I'd say don't ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of calling off the wedding! I'm tired of his moods!
Q. Hello We are getting married this July and been together 15mths. We have a house together. Things have always been turbulent in our relationship. When we met he got made redundant and had to get a job on less money miles away so he has to get...
A. 9 January 2010: I would suggest that it would be safer to move on now form this guy. If he's angry about you having one night out, that's a sign. But to have had such a huge outburst in front of his kids would suggest he has issues that just can't be resolved. He ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he'll say no if I ask him out and ruin our friendship
Q. I Like this guy we all call him Danny. Me and Danny have been best friends for like 5 1/2 months now. I have very stonge feelings torwads him and I want to be more then friends. The problem is we sit next to each other in alot of are classes and we ...
A. 9 January 2010: I would say go for it. He likes you, so maybe he fancies you. But you'll never know unless you ask, will you? It would be a shame if you didn't and never found out. ... (read in full...)
Girl wants to have unprotected sex with me and I'm only 14!
Q. I am 14 and a girl i kno wants me to hav sex with her i am about 5 inches when erect and uncircumsised i am a virgin and she is not ... she wants to do it unprotected and hav a kid ... confused :S help pls...
A. 9 January 2010: Simple. Don't do it. Really don't. Apart from being illegal, she's trying to trap you into fathering a child with her, which means at this moment she is unstable and confused about her life. DO NOT DO IT, or you will have a child to be responsible ... (read in full...)
We said we'd wait a couple of years to have sex but he's talking about having it now after a couple of months.
Q. when my and my boyfriend hooked up we decided that we were going to date for a couple of years before we thought about doing anything sexual...its been two months and we have done everything but have sex and he said he wants to if i want to but he ...
A. 9 January 2010: I think it's best to wait. It's illegal at your age, and you need to slow down and really get to know each other at the moment. ... (read in full...)
Trust issues.... Really just need some good advice.
Q. Iv been with my partner for 4 months we have had some issues but got over them, recently i accused himm of cheating as he didnt seem to be intrested in me no more, he said he wouldnt do that to me he also cryed i do trust him 100% and all his mates ...
A. 9 January 2010: If he and his ex are sending each other dirty text messages, then he's not over her. Anyone can cheat, there's not just a type. I'm not sure your're being as silly as you seem to worry you are. He's getting distant from you, and his ex is now back ... (read in full...)
Bf and I are fighting constantly!
Q. Me and my bf always fight that's all we do, we fight a lot about us bcuz he supposidly doesn't know how he treats me and how he hurts my feelings and it just seems like he doesn't care about me anymore but I do care. I need help I'm so confused with ...
A. 9 January 2010: If he's hurting you and not caring, then not even listening, he's not worth your time, not matter how much you care about him.... (read in full...)
Smoking verses drinking
Q. Hi, I'm not sure if im being reasonable or selfish Here my husband is an alcoholic and our marriage is on the rocks, He has managed to drink less than before but alcohol is still an issue that will tear us apart. Every time he has one drink it...
A. 9 January 2010: You shouldn't, but it would do your health good too. ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be angry or am I just being selfish?
Q. Its not relationship but i need help. 3 years ago my brother killed somebody and is in prison. He had 2 children. his former girlfriend went on to have another child. so in may 2007 she killed somebody too (he was trying to break into the house a...
A. 9 January 2010: No, you're not. Your brother killed someone, and his ex managed to do the same. You're right to be angry because this is not your mess at all. And for your mum to call you selfish really is despicable. I know she's finding it hard, but this has ... (read in full...)
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