| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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My friend can't see that he is not good for her!
Q. My friend has been dating a guy for about a year now. He was nice and sweet at first and they made a cute couple. But then he started to be a jerk to her and her friends. He's been trying to pressure her into sleeping with him even though he knows ...
A. 14 January 2010: You can't do anything really, other than be ready with a box of tissues. If she can't see that he's no good, she can't see it. Everyone else knows he's an idiot, yet she will fight his corner. She'll get hurt in the end, and will then need to to be ... (read in full...)
I hate my bf's weed habit! Help
Q. ok, i have a boyfriend and we been together for three years now, and about a year ago i told him that he had to choose me or the weed...and he said that he would stop. and about a week ago we got into a fight and it came out that he never stopped ...
A. 13 January 2010: If he won't quit the weed for you, he's not worth it. Weed can affect fertility, so he won't be any use for kids. Don't waste time on a druggie.... (read in full...)
Do I drop this or ask her more questions about this other guy?
Q. I trust my wife, but she had an encounter years ago that I still question. I've been cheated on in the past, not by her, but my ex so I think that makes it harder for me to trust anyone. Anyways, she had a coworker whom she trusted like a b...
A. 13 January 2010: Drop it. She was entirely honest, and entirely faithful. I don't think anything happened at all. You know all there is to know. If she had been having an affair, she would have gone. You have nothing to worry about. Trust her and love her. ... (read in full...)
How can you tell a guys intentions, when you date?
Q. how do you now when a boy wants you for you and doesnt just want to have sex with you?? what would he be like if he just liked me for me? and what type of things would he do if he just wanted a leg over?? guys id appreaciate your help esp...
A. 13 January 2010: If he wants you for more than just sex, he'll get to know you, what you like, what you want from life and he won't just try to get you into bed at the end of the evening, and will understand if you tell him you're not ready for sex yet. If he wants ... (read in full...)
What do I do about this guy, who doesn't give anything back in this relationship?
Q. In a nutshell. This guy and I dated about 8 years ago. We broke up, and reconnected a few months ago thanks to a mutual friend we both keep in contact with. We started out as friends, then moved on to friends with benefits. After a few week...
A. 13 January 2010: The good signs are that he's phoning you and bringing you gifts and such, so it's not like he doesn't care. He's just still living in this 'friends with benefits' zone. Talk to him, tell him you feel left out and would like to do more together, ... (read in full...)
Divorce woes..how to deal with my ex over settlement.
Q. Going through a divorce. I'm allowing my husband to keep our house, but asking that he re-finance to buy me out of my 1/2, plus I'm asking for 1/2 of his pension. We live in a community property state, so this is the law and we were married for over ...
A. 13 January 2010: What is fair is half, since you're entitled to it. It's not just like you haven't been there in the marriage. You have. I he has to refinance, then he has to and that's it. Don't fall for his emotional blackmail. You were in the marriage, so you ... (read in full...)
My gf's snoring is so bad, I can't stand it! Help!
Q. hi. My girlfriend snores so bad that I just cant stick it!! I had to tell her one night because I just couldnt take it anymore I woke up and fell asleep about twenty times an hour. Anyway i bought ear plugs but they started to hurt my ears and ...
A. 13 January 2010: I think you need to tell her straight that the snowing is getting to you, and you think it' so bad it's worth her going to the doctor to see if he can find anything out for her and help her. You just have to be honest that it's getting to you, and ... (read in full...)
He's not over his deceased gf...what should I do?
Q. my boyfriend of two years is a great guy. But before me his girlfriend then, had died. We also live together and have no children. He says he loves me and i believe him but i really dont think he is over his ex. I have been very supportive and ...
A. 13 January 2010: I think you should talk to him about how you feel. If he cares for you, he'll want to be able to reassure you that he does love you. He has been with you for two years, and you have sad you believe he loves you, so maybe he does. You have to ... (read in full...)
I didn't mean for this to happen, is it too late to reconcile?
Q. My girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me last week. We had a really strong relationship and were deeply in love. We used to have one problem, and that was she would always fall asleep on the phone so i got mad at her like once a week ...
A. 13 January 2010: Let her go. She has said it's over.... (read in full...)
Advice on doing a good striptease???
Q. My and my boyfriend have planned to have a sexy night soon. One thing that I would really like to do is a strip tease for him as I've never done one properly before for him. I was just wondering what actually makes a good strip tease? Do I start wi...
A. 13 January 2010: Start with out layers (shirts, trousers or skirt), then everything underneath leaving your underwear to last. Do it slowly, and sit him in a chair so you can tease him ... (read in full...)
Do you still think it's safe for me to meet him?
Q. PLease help me figure if this is safe??? I met a man online and we have been communicating for two weeks. We are bothi n our mid forties. There is total chemistry between us. We are meeting in a week or so. He emailed me last night that he had a ...
A. 13 January 2010: At the moment, it just sounds like a fantasy. Take it slow with him and make sure you really get to know him (in a public place) before you do anything. It just sounds like a fantasy. ... (read in full...)
I recently had an abortion and now I feel I'm spiraling out of control...
Q. I recently had a surgical abortion at 9 1/2 weeks. That is, i was put under general anesthetic and the pregnancy was sucked out :( My boyfriend has been really suppotive and so have all my friends so I've been trying to put on a brave face but it's ...
A. 13 January 2010: You need to talk to your doctor about counselling. There are specialist counsellors who can help you, and I think if you're starting to feel this way, it's very important you get all your feelings out so you can understand them. All the best.... (read in full...)
Is having sex this soon sending bad messages to a man?
Q. I have been seeing someone for 2 weeks, and already had sex. It just feels very comfortable with him and I am in mid 40's he is 5 years older. Does that send a bad message to a man ? or is it ok if you both are really feeling were the relationship ...
A. 13 January 2010: If you're both happy, and you feel it's right, then don't worry. But don't forget to continue to get to know him and such. ... (read in full...)
Do you think he used me?
Q. ive been getting to know this guy..he'd call and text me everyday..he even rang me and texted me everyday other day when he was on holiday. he made me fall for him and i actually believe that he liked me too.. i went to see him.. and ...
A. 13 January 2010: I'm afraid he did by the sound of it. Maybe try asking him what's up. But by the sound of it, he used you. ... (read in full...)
Does it sound like our relationship is steady
Q. I'm in a kind of wierd relationship atm, i'm 16 and my girlfriend is 23 (just turned), we've been fighting over alot of silly things lately and we've had to repair our relationship multiple times recently. first a quick background I met this gir...
A. 13 January 2010: Maybe if you see her, buy her flowers. Send her a sudden text telling her you adore her. Lots of compliments, but keep them real (tell her she's beautiful, don't write a poem about it). Talk to her about herself, listen to what she has to say and ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to hook up with me again? He's backed off.
Q. So once upon a time (a few months ago) I hooked up with a guy friend and things were fine. He said he would want to do it again and all that but then someone found out and it caused a lot of problems. At that point he backed out, stopped talking to ...
A. 13 January 2010: If he's backed off, he's not interested. And if he's a dick, you can do better.... (read in full...)
Am I repulsive?
Q. dear agony aunts, well i guess im kind of embarrassed to ask this but here i go. im not fat, as in, reallllly big, im about a size 14. i have small boobs and a bigger belly, and i know they say that the guy you love (and who loves you) will ...
A. 13 January 2010: You're not repulsive at all. There's nothing wrong with you. If he likes you, he'll accept you as you are. My girlfriend is size 14, and I adore her. There's more to you than your body. Let him get to know you as well. And love yourself. ... (read in full...)
My bf is acting overly cheesy. How can I let him know it's a turn off without hurting him?
Q. Okay, so, my boyfriend is overly cheesy. At least, he says cheesy things all the time. And when I say all the time, I mean, at least 5 times a day. I'm a sucker for romantic things and everything, but this has grown to be too much. I mean, I'...
A. 13 January 2010: This is what a lot of nice guys do, little realizing that it can be overbearing. Your his first girlfriend, and he is just trying so hard to be a nice guy. With the texts, you don't need to necessarily reply to them. Explain to him that you adore ... (read in full...)
I see my ex b/f's ex and it makes me feel so bad
Q. Hey, I was seeing my boyfriend for 8 months and we had a very strong relationship. But then about 3 months ago we broke up because we was always arguing and annoying eachother. I thought i was over him so started seeing someone else,and then i ...
A. 13 January 2010: This is something you have to get over. You broke up with your boyfriend for your ex, who just doesn't fancy you at all. He really doesn't, because if he did he and you wouldn't have broken up. You're much better off leaving all your ex boyfriends ... (read in full...)
Are we seeing too much of eachother? Is this why I've lost my enthusiasm and sex drive? Please help!
Q. I'm having a few problems with my girlfriend which are quickly becoming big problems! Since New Years we have spend only 2 nights apart from eachother, and it's gotten to the point where I am less enthusiastic to see her, and want a bit of time to...
A. 13 January 2010: The stress is what is getting to your sex drive and such. So address the stress, perhaps ban sex and tell her you need time to yourself because you're stressed. Also, it's normal to need time apart. I think you need to explain to her that you need ... (read in full...)
When we have sex he never touches me anywhere
Q. my boyfriend and i make love frequently but when we do he never touches my breasts or between my legs, have you any idea why this might be? I've asked him but he won't give me an answer he just tells me to stop being silly. ...
A. 13 January 2010: It depends on his upbringing. He might just feel uncomfortable doing it because of his beliefs. Try taking his hand and gently moving it around for him, so he knows it's all right. ... (read in full...)
Sex? Or more? Just a fling?
Q. How do i know if a guy who i have liked for a year now wants to have sex because he likes me in the same way, or he thinks its just a fling?...
A. 13 January 2010: You need to get to know him and take time getting to know him. If he takes his time and gets to know you, then he's probably more likely to want you for more than just sex. If he wants nothing but sex, chances are he won't bother for that long.... (read in full...)
Why can't my boyfriend ever cum?
Q. My boyfriend has never cum from a blowjob or handjob from me or anyone else. He also has trouble cumming during sex if the girl is on top (I am the only person who's ever made him cum in this position, but it's only happened once). The sex is ...
A. 13 January 2010: You don't' need to worry. This happens to some guys. Genuinely you're worrying too much. He's satisfied, he's told you that, so just enjoy :). ... (read in full...)
I signed up for a dating website and now my wife doesn't trust me
Q. my wife no longer trust me we have been fighting for about 4 years because our daughter got pregnant at 16 by a loser and we both started pulling away i had been looking at a lot of porn and was feeling lonely i went to a dating web sight and signed ...
A. 13 January 2010: Keep reassuring her, keep telling her and showing her you love her, and keep on with the counselling. That's all you can do to be honest. ... (read in full...)
After talking online 3 months we met, but I think he was disappointed!
Q. Hi..i am hoping for some advice..am hoping for a male point of view...here goes. I met a guy online..a dating site..we chatted every night for 3 months on msn..he phoned me and text. He had seen photographs of me (I am 47...he is 39..I am uk..he i...
A. 13 January 2010: I don't think he was disappointed. To be honest, I think it's more likely he just used you, which is sad. It wasn't your fault. Plenty of women have been jilted by crap guys and have made the mistake of thinking it's their fault. It's not. You're a ... (read in full...)
He doesn't care! So why do I want to be with him?
Q. I have been with this gentlemen for 3 years. It has been an on again off again relationship. He says he loves me but he never calls, he never says thank you, he never goes out of his way to do anything for me. When I do help him whenever he asks. Ex ...
A. 13 January 2010: You need to look at your own esteem. Women with low self esteem, low confidence and such are prone to go for worthless men. Yes, you can do better. A lot better. But maybe you're not happy, so you're holding on to the one guy who shows you any ... (read in full...)
She says her head is in the wrong place and doesn't want to be with anyone
Q. I love this girl, we are very close an she says she likes me alot, more than friends, when were together we hug an kiss, and we spend the best times together, i know its ment to be, but her head is all over the place at the moment and she doesnt ...
A. 13 January 2010: All you can do is accept that at this moment there is a lot going on. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to be with anyone, so be a good friend, but accept that the chances are there will be nothing more in it. ... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with partner leaves me with no energy
Q. hi all, i am a single mom my daughters dad claims we are in a relationship and so i suppose im not single, but we live apart after he nearly finished me off with his put downs i lost all my friends and confidence, right now i am getting into debt ...
A. 13 January 2010: First of all, you're doing a fantastic job. You sound like it's all just going a bit wrong at the moment, and you're coping well, so stay strong. Go to this site
www.citizensadvice.org.uk
and book yourself an appointment with them. Then can offe... (read in full...)
Is this considered a failed proposal?
Q. Is moving out of your bf/gf's house the same as a failed proposal? I've been with my ex for 3 years (on/off), we move in together for 5 months and we split. I have a feeling he wants to get back together with me, but not live together. I feel...
A. 13 January 2010: Move on. Look at the facts. You've been on/off over three years, and now you've split again. I think the best thing you can do is move on from now. ... (read in full...)
Wait for her text?
Q. Hey, Quick question, I got a date with a girl on Sunday, for the past couple of days we have texted quite alot, generally with me starting conversation one day, her the next. She said she'd text me this morning before work, however, she has...
A. 13 January 2010: She might just be busy or something. Give her the benefit of the doubt and text her later this evening or something.... (read in full...)
Should I date a guy I think my best friend likes?
Q. I've liked a guy for a couple of months now and he's a great friend and fun to be around. There is 2 problems. One he's liked the same girl for 61/2 years. I don'tknow how to deal with this. Second, I think my best friend likes him. She is the one ...
A. 13 January 2010: You asked your friend whether she likes him, and she said no. So ask this guy out and see where it leads
... (read in full...)
Both my exes want me back!
Q. okay, so im having a little bit of boy troubles.. my ex, well we've dated over 11 times and hes so sweet. but in the end hes a jerk. he wants me back and now hes saying hes changed. he called me and said all these nice things. he used to be really ...
A. 13 January 2010: They're both ex's. Leave them in the past. ... (read in full...)
How can I meet nice, caring friends?
Q. I am having concerns with some friends of mine. My one friend only talks about herself. She never asks how I am or has any interest in my life. I sent her an e-mail saying Happy New Year and said I hope she was well. The return message was her ...
A. 13 January 2010: Find a hobby you enjoy that includes other people, do that hobby. You'll have something in common with others, then you can get to know them more. You sound like a lovely woman, so don't go giving up. And have more confidence in yourself too. If ... (read in full...)
How can I be myself around him when I'm so shy?
Q. First off I'm really shy around him, I think he is a bit shy to and neither of us have had a serious relationship before, I over think everything to the point that its stressful to actually say so I won't, and I'll respond with some stupid one or ...
A. 13 January 2010: Tell him you're shy and you find it difficult to open up. Ask him about himself and get to know him. Hopefully, he'll open up and gently ask you about yourself too. It's a case of the more comfortable you feel about him, the more you will open up. ... (read in full...)
Is your first time really special?
Q. When people say your first time is special is that..really..true or are they saying its fun have fun..is it bad to think that i want to get my first time through so i can get the pain over with..idk i KNOW im 15 but it seems like its time to be ...
A. 13 January 2010: As long as you'e with a special person, and not someone who's just there to use you. Choose the guy carefully. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of six years has female friends I don't like
Q. hey everyone i am new to this so i hope someone can help me... i been in a 6yr relationship and i have some insecurities...so recently my bf found out i messaged this girl on his friends list on myspeace...it was a simple thing and i wasvery polite ...
A. 13 January 2010: He's been going out with you for 6 years, and I'm assuming hasn't hurt you or cheated on you or anything. I don't think there's a problem. I think you just need to tell him you need reassurance that he loves you. But if he hasn't done anything wrong ... (read in full...)
Wishing and hoping for a boy to love me for myself
Q. I just wish that i had a guy that love me for who i am and the way i look:( i cant stand a guy that is a cheater and a man whore. I have been cheated on and guys just like me cuz of my butt and my boobs. I just want someone who will care for me and ...
A. 13 January 2010: Wishes can come true. But they can take a bit of work. There is a guy out there who will love you and accept you for who you are. Get to know men, speak to them but don't go out with them so you understand them. Take your time getting to know a guy ... (read in full...)
I lost my sex drive after giving birth to chidlren
Q. My husband and I have been together for 4 1/2 years, and married almost 3 1/2 years. When we first got together our sex life was omg amazing. I mean it still is....but annyway after our first daughter was born, my sexual drive was not like it use ...
A. 13 January 2010: Children can be the passion killer. I don't have any, so my advice is only limited to be honest. I do know a couple of things though. 1 - You're not horrible, and the more you worry about being horrible, the more your sex drive will remain low.
2... (read in full...)
I want to me more than a support for my married friend
Q. im texting and emailing a friend and she isnt happy in her marriage, and oh i would love to be more than the wonderful support to her that i am! im a single, no children yet, 30year old male and she is a 28year old female of a 8year old boy. any ...
A. 13 January 2010: Tell her to focus on her marriage, that's my advice. If she has an affair with you, then leaves, you'll have a very unhappy 8 year old boy in your life who will hate you and her ex husband who will do his best to make it as difficult as possible. If ... (read in full...)
How can I find love, and keep it?
Q. How does a person go about finding love and keeping it? ...
A. 13 January 2010: I didn't find love. It found me. That might sound stupid, but it's true. When I met my girlfriend, she literally did walk into me. The point is, if you worry about it, or you search for it too much, you wont' find it. Men can be very wary of women ... (read in full...)
Can a guy be so sure about someone in the first 6 months?
Q. I don't know what my question is exactly but here goes After years of bad dating experiences and not one long term relationship, I've now been with my boyfriend for about 6 months. I've never met anyone like him, he's just amazing. I've me...
A. 13 January 2010: He sounds pretty sure of himself to me, especially if you've met friends and family and includes you in all his future plans. Those are good signs. My advice is to just go with it. If you worry, he might worry you're not into him. ... (read in full...)
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