| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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My boyfriend has temper tantrums, and my older lover wants us to continue after he marries, I feel he is using me
Q. Dear Cupid, I am in a relationship with a boy i love however his emotional tantrums over the smallest things are starting to get to my nerves and i do not know if i will be able to stand this for long. However, on the other hand i was seeing an ...
A. 2 June 2010: That's great. Good luck to you. :)... (read in full...)
I told a girl I loved her, and she said she has feelings for her ex
Q. i told a girl i loved her n her reply was "oh rite" the following day she told me still has feelings for her ex but she cant go with him..... was i right to till her to stay out my life forever?...
A. 16 January 2010: I think so. You need time to get over her, so to cut contact really is the best. However, she was honest with you, so please respect and remember that.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has temper tantrums, and my older lover wants us to continue after he marries, I feel he is using me
Q. Dear Cupid, I am in a relationship with a boy i love however his emotional tantrums over the smallest things are starting to get to my nerves and i do not know if i will be able to stand this for long. However, on the other hand i was seeing an ...
A. 16 January 2010: The man who is engaged is using you for sex, so end it with him. Your boyfriend clearly isn't ready for a relationship, so end it with him as well. You need to spend time by yourself working out what you want from life. You're involved with two guys ... (read in full...)
His mouth says he loves me but his actions say different
Q. i have a boyfriend who is upset at me because of somethings i had done in my pass. he has been giving me a hard time about it and even calls me every name in the book.. he claims to love me and will never deni that to me but his actions show ...
A. 16 January 2010: Being a man, I can tell you about men. Measure us on our actions, nor our words. Any man can say 'I love you'. Only a good one will mean in, and he will also show it to you. Your boyfriend doesn't mean it in the slightest. End it and find a guy ... (read in full...)
It seems to me the good people lose out in love but the wicked continue to prosper
Q. I seem to notice these around me, the faithful, good, God fearing like myself for example still get heartbroken and suffer in love while the ones that play around, deceitful still seem to easily find love. Why?...
A. 16 January 2010: But they don't really find love. They just use person after person. My girlfriend cheated with her ex on my birthday, and I did nothing wrong, and treated her very well. She still cheated. Then she cheated on him, then made her way through several ... (read in full...)
She was my first, but I wasnt hers, and that makes me angry!
Q. She told me about one of the guys she has had sex with before me and Ive been wanting to kick his ass so bad. I saw him tonight and got so close but it didnt happen. She was staying with him when she got kicked out of her house and she had sex with...
A. 16 January 2010: I'll tell you now that if you touch him, not only will you end up arrested, you'll end up losing your girlfriend. Yes, you're right, she could have said no. But she didn't. Her past is her past, and that's it. If you sit there dwelling on it, I ... (read in full...)
He often goes out without, I would like him to stay home with me now and again
Q. I have been dating the same guy for a year now, and I keep getting annoyed by things lately. For instance, I am 21 years old and still live at home, which means I do have a curfew. It is lame I know, and my parents obviously do not trust me,even ...
A. 16 January 2010: No, you're not. I would talk to him. The fact that he seems to have all those plans and doesn't spend time with you through his own choice is actually leading me to suspect he's not as into you as he should be. Have a talk with him. ... (read in full...)
My b/f is coming home from Afghanistan, how can I tell him I'm not ready for marriage yet?
Q. Hi guys, I am in a long distance relationship, with my bf in afghanistan in the military; i'm nervous that when he gets back he's going to propose to me and i'm not ready. while i feel strongly about him, his coming back will signal our first ti...
A. 16 January 2010: There is only one way to tell him, and that's just to be honest and say you're not ready. Tell him exactly what you have written here. That you would prefer to grow into a couple together, really get to know each other and such before you marry, ... (read in full...)
We went too far too fast and now I feel resentful!
Q. i have been with my bf for 3-4 years, almost entirely long distance. It's so dumb to worry about but it's really getting under my skin recently how quickly we sexually progressed, especially after reading things on here like "if he's worth it/ if ...
A. 16 January 2010: He sounds like a better guy that most actually. Let's be fair, you say everything else is going well and he does care for you. If it had just been about sex, he would have had sex with you and moved on. I don't think you need to worry at all. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's life has gone pearshaped and there is no room in it for me right now
Q. My boyfriend who's now my ex just broke up with me two weeks ago. He used the line " I think we should take a break" I"m trying to move on but can't help but wonder, what if. Were both young I'm 20 and he's 22. He says he has alot on his plate and ...
A. 16 January 2010: Move on. You'll just become an escape to him, with no real prospect of any future together. And then one day you'll look back and wonder where your life has really gone. Move on. ... (read in full...)
Everytime I hug and kiss my girlfriend my body reacts and its embaressing ...
Q. Ok I'm 14 and i know some of y'all won't think this is serious and all but it is everytime I hug or kiss my girlfriend i get an erection and it embarrases me and I feel akward and I ant just stop hugging and kissing her because shell notice it and ...
A. 16 January 2010: This is normal I'm afraid, and you'll suffer it for a little while longer. There isn't really anything you can do about it. It's just hormones. ... (read in full...)
SHe just wants to be FWB but I wondering if I should wait for things to change
Q. Okay, so I am a pretty inexperienced person when it comes to relationships, well, really inexperienced, and this girl is confusing me to no end. So, I finally met this girl I liked, we got hooked up by a bunch of friends, we were both sitting on ...
A. 16 January 2010: If she wants nothing but sex, chances are it won't change. If you want more, you'd be better ending it now so you don't get hurt, and finding a woman who does want more than just sex. Don't wait around for someone to change, because that chances are ... (read in full...)
As my husbands behaviour deteriorates I am finding solace with an old boyfriend
Q. Hi,please advise/vent/give input. I'm married for 8 years have 2 children and currently in a difficult place. My hub and I have always had ups n downs however problems were never really properly dealt with..we kinda just moved on. Most of the time ...
A. 16 January 2010: So hi, but no hug. And genuinly, don't expect anything to happen, because I don't think anything can now. ... (read in full...)
Any 'different' ideas for a gift for Valentine's Day?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and I honestly love him with all my heart. Well, this Valentine's Day, we decided to make each other something, not go out and try to spend money on each other. He told me he's going to ...
A. 15 January 2010: Make him something to eat if you can. There's an old saying. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. :). Like a cake he likes, or something.... (read in full...)
My crush found out I like her - not from me. What do I do??
Q. recently i told my friend the girl i liked in confidence, then he's told someone, and they told someone etc. and sure as it gets, she found out. i don't know how she reacted because i just found out on the bus back from school, but i don't know what ...
A. 15 January 2010: This is the time to ask her how she feels. If you don't, she'll be confused and might think you're wasting time. I think you should just be honest. Easier said than done, I know. But it would be sad if you said nothing and she liked you. ... (read in full...)
Please tell me, how do I forget my married lover?
Q. hello i have a question, i am married but my marriage is not in the best shape. me and my husband sleep in different rooms but he stills asks for sex. He says he going to get his own place but that never happens. He cheated on me last year and the ...
A. 15 January 2010: The married man has been using you, as you have been using him. The thing is, you turned to him for emotional support, whereas he just used you for sex by the sound of it. That means he can switch off any time he likes. You're thinking about him all ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a pimple on his penis, is this normal?
Q. i kno this is goin to sound weird and all and i just want to make sure that we are both ok and safe. my bf has a pimple on his you know what... and i looked at it. it def. looks like a pimple and nothing else. Is that normal?...
A. 15 January 2010: If it's just a pimple and nothing else, that's not a problem. But not to put a fine point to it, he needs to see a doctor to rule out anything else, such as illness or STI's.... (read in full...)
If I show him that I can give him space and time like he wants do you think he'll want me back?
Q. I've dated this guy for 18 months. We were looking at moving in from our parent's houses to be alone together for the first time. A week ago he broke up with me out of the blue and the ignored my calls and texts. He said he wanted space and time and ...
A. 15 January 2010: This is guy isn't ready to commit at all. He's had cold feet about it all, and isn't ready. It's best that it happened now, rather than if you'd moved in. And I know this isn't what you want to hear, but to make up so many excuses to not go back out ... (read in full...)
I told my ex boyfriend I still love him, what do I do now?
Q. Me and my ex boyfriend have just started talking again after he broke up with me a month ago because he was too busy for a girlfriend. Since we've been chatting, he's told me he loves me, he's asked about my family and college and seems genuinely ...
A. 15 January 2010: Wait for him. You actually did the right thing by telling him, because now you will know whether he's just playing with you or whether he really wants you. As you say, if he texts, great. If not, then move on from him. ... (read in full...)
Can guys fall in love with girls who have scars on their bodies?
Q. Can you guys fall in love with a girl with scars on her body? burns, insect bites, injuries and other types of scars. Can you guys stay, love and be with a girl with those? Does it matter?...
A. 15 January 2010: Doesn't matter at all, and yes a guy can fall in love. Only a seriously worthless guy would measure a woman on her body alone. Don't worry at all. Get to know a guy and let him get to know you, and you'll find yourself Mr Right. ... (read in full...)
It's embarassing when my mother has mood swings in public, how can I calm her down?
Q. Hello people I have a problem, My mum has sudden mood swings sometimes and one minute she's in a great mood and the next she's in a terrible temper what can I say to her to calm her down so she doesn't get these terrbible mood swings that are a ...
A. 15 January 2010: The mood swings will be caused by something in particular, so maybe gently talk to her and ask her about why she suddenly changes. Perhaps she's just very insecure about a lot of things and just finds it hard to control her temper when it all goes ... (read in full...)
I feel that she wants me as a boyfriend and we were just supposed to be having fun.
Q. I have been having some 'fun' with a co-worker we discussed it before starting and she said she was cool just getting together now and then but all we do is have a kiss and hand job for me and I finger her, she wont go any further and I have begged ...
A. 15 January 2010: Please let her go. She wants you as a boyfriend and really wants you to love her and you simply don't want that. It would be cruel to continue like this, because she's going to end up hurt. ... (read in full...)
What good is a marriage separation, living apart?
Q. My husband walked out three months ago and we are "separated". We've only been married under two years, and it has always been rocky. What is a separation supposed to mean? Is this something that helps? I don't see it that way, I see it that my ...
A. 15 January 2010: I don;t think he wants to be married anymore either. I have the feeling that he is a bit of a waste of time to be honest. A separation is basically a divorce, without the actual divorce. You'd be better off getting the divorce. ... (read in full...)
How can I stop myself wanting to play with barbie dolls?
Q. hi. I need some help. I'm an 18 year old girl who stopped playing with barbie toys two days ago. I know it sounds a bit crazy. Anyways, sometimes I feel like I want to play with them again. I really miss playing with them but I know I have to grow ...
A. 15 January 2010: I think I remember your post from the other day. Best thing to do is take up a new hobby, something that's challenging and fun. Maybe dancing or something like that. I think if you find a new hobby to fill the void, you'll soon find yourself having ... (read in full...)
I am depressed with or without him... what is this?
Q. My ex and I recently saw each other and acted like we were back together. But after the meeting I realized he had changed a lot... for the worse. So I started ignoring him and the more I ignore, the more he persists. I decided to tell him straight ...
A. 15 January 2010: It's always difficult to cope after a break up. My girlfriend got divorced after years of being emotionally abused, yet she was still depressed about it. It was't the loss of the man, it was just the feeling that it had all gone wrong for her. I ... (read in full...)
What the hell am I doing???
Q. This guy has been trying to get my attention for the past 5 years. he finally saw me in the store and approached me. I gave him my number because I thought he was attractive. He called me that same night and we began talking. It was an instant ...
A. 15 January 2010: Yes, I think you should walk away if he's still involved with her. Sounds a bit like you're being used. ... (read in full...)
Colour of manhood...
Q. I am brown in color. My penis is of almost my skin color. My wife tells that a guy's manhood's color should be pretty dark/black and mine is different. is this a fact?...
A. 15 January 2010: Every man is different. I think your wife is a little inexperienced, that's all. There's nothing wrong with you. ... (read in full...)
I think I am emotionally unattached...
Q. Me and my boyfriend live about four hours away from each other. Our relationship was physical before we became official bf gf... and everything was great. we only first had sex like 3 weeks before we actually got together. I really enjoy talking to ...
A. 15 January 2010: You might be right that you aren't as attached. Your relationship so far is built upon sex, rather than emotion. So my advice would be for you both to sit down and really get to know each other. Go out on dates and such, and see where it leads. ... (read in full...)
How can I break them up so that I can get him back?
Q. hi, i was married to the love of my life. he left about 7 months ago, and i am still in love with him. he is living with my EX BEST FRIEND, they have been together since sept.20... how can i break them up, so i can get him back??? ...
A. 15 January 2010: You can't. Sorry to say it, but you can't. You'll come across as desperate and like Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction. I don't mean that offensively, because I know you love this guy. But he left you, and it doesn't' seem like he's coming back. If ... (read in full...)
How to convince my wife I don't mind her hairs near her nipples?
Q. my wife has some hairs near her areola. i dont feel bad about it. she is very concerned about it. she thinks that i just pretend that i dont mind it. i know that it is normal to have lil bit around there. how can i convince her i am ok with this?...
A. 15 January 2010: All you can do is keep on reassuring her as much as you can. ... (read in full...)
I just want to win him back but he's gone cool. What is going on?
Q. I was seeing this guy several months ago i think he seemed really keen on me. however things didnt work out as i was still coming to terms of the loss of a previous partner.however i have come to realise that i would really like to have a ...
A. 15 January 2010: You're a really lovely lady, and you deserve to be happy with the right guy. This isn't the right guy. He has a lot going on, and this is his way of letting you down. Let him go, or you'll just be chasing him for the rest of your life, and that ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my cousin that the guy she loves, is into BDSM? She has no clue.
Q. My friend, who is elder than me, is in love with my cousin. Lets call him 'B' and her 'G'. After some incidents, i found out that B likes BDSM and self bondage. B says he likes it very little. I'm sure G does not like BDSM. So B requested me not to ...
A. 15 January 2010: I wouldn't tell her. It will come out in time, when he's ready to tell her. What she does then is up to her. ... (read in full...)
Could someone interpret his actions and tell me what I should do?
Q. This incident happened 1 month ago when I went on a trip to the Philippines. Its a community service project that I was involved in and the group has been preparing for the trip for 3 months. As we'll be staying with the villages, the leader h...
A. 15 January 2010: If you were his first kiss, it probably is that he's really very shy and doesn't know what to do. When he was talking about differences, he was really asking for you to have patience so you could both take time getting to know each other more. You ... (read in full...)
We broke up with no further contact from her! It seems heartless..what do you think?
Q. I was with w woman for the last ten months in a pretty solid relationship. We started to argue about some differences here and there and big things turned into bigger things. We seemed to not be able to come to an agreement on some things so I ...
A. 15 January 2010: This is how some people move on. In truth, it's the best way. When I split from my girlfriend, I really did have to cut contact. It seems harsh, but if that's the best way for her to move on, then it's the best way. ... (read in full...)
What should my next move be about my boyfriend?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend now for two years. we have had rows in the past but always made up. last week end we had a huge row cos of comments that i had and regretted and apologised since for making them. I saw him sunday and he said that he ...
A. 15 January 2010: Just give him a bit of space. He's thinking about everything. Continue to text him now and again to see how he is and to keep in contact, but he just needs some space at the moment. ... (read in full...)
I left my bad hubby and then got entangled with the wrong guy, what can I do, how can I meet other men?
Q. I am going through this very bad break up and i do not know how to deal with it. In the past year i have made very bad decisions...i left my husband and that was a good decision because he was hitting me ...but because of the problems in the ...
A. 15 January 2010: No, you must cut all these guys out and focus on yourself at the moment. The problem with a lot of abused women is that because they don't address their own esteem issues, they tend to go for another abuser, or another guy who will use them, just as ... (read in full...)
Foreskin problems...any advice?
Q. im 14 almost 15 soon...and uncircumcised want to know is it normal that my penis' foreskin suppose to be hard to pull back...and that if i masturbate..am i suppose to have the foreskin pulled back cos i dunno if its just me scared of pullin it bac...
A. 15 January 2010: A foreskin should be quite easy to pull back. If it's not, you may need to see a doctor because it could be that it's too tight. ... (read in full...)
He has trouble ejaculating and it's made me feel inadequate! Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together a year. He was single when I met him but his ex has been particually nasty as she was annoyed he had moved on. She told me he had premature ejaculation when he was with her, but doesn't have it with me because ...
A. 15 January 2010: Just relax. This is something that just happens. Women aren't the only ones who cant always climax. It happens to guys as well sometimes (though not as often). Your boyfriend was honest with you. Sometimes he can, sometimes he can't. It has nothing ... (read in full...)
I have questions about BDSM. Any advice?
Q. I just learned about BDSM this week. My questions are as follows: Is there alot of infidelity involved. Do men really wear chastity belts or this just an expression? Is there alot of bisexuality with this? What types of people are into this? ...
A. 15 January 2010: There's a great young lady on this site who knows all about it, called SatinDesire. She's the best person to ask about it all. ... (read in full...)
Father refuses to give me away at the wedding!
Q. if your father is against you marrying white guys and refuse to give you away at a wedding, who should i choose to give me away?...
A. 15 January 2010: Another male in your family, like a brother or an uncle. Failing that, get a good male friend to do it, or even walk yourself down the aisle. ... (read in full...)
Why are some guys so mean?
Q. y do sum guys do this. make fun of u behind your back but act all lovely in your face.always wantin to hug you.constantly wantin to b around you. does the most. obvious things just to get your attention. im talkin about a 21 year old not a little ...
A. 15 January 2010: He ego was hurt when he was rejected. So to make sure he doesn't get hurt again, he's making fun. It's really very childish. ... (read in full...)
Do you think I will hear from him?
Q. I am a senior in college. At the end of last semester, I asked my teaching assistant out for a drink over email. He responded that he was soon to be going out of town for the holidays but "perhaps" we could arrange to do something once he got back ...
A. 15 January 2010: I would be surprised if he did contact you. It could affect his job if he had a relationship with a student, even if you are of consenting age. Or at the time he was being kind and letting you down gently. ... (read in full...)
As my husbands behaviour deteriorates I am finding solace with an old boyfriend
Q. Hi,please advise/vent/give input. I'm married for 8 years have 2 children and currently in a difficult place. My hub and I have always had ups n downs however problems were never really properly dealt with..we kinda just moved on. Most of the time ...
A. 15 January 2010: You did the right thing by ending the affair. Having an affair usually complicates things, as it has done here. And I'm afraid your lover was right to stop contact. He can see that at this moment there is too much going on, and he can see that you ... (read in full...)
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