| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Girlfriend wants to date me, not physically cheat, but also date others
Q. I have been dating a girl exclusively since the end of October 2009, she's 25, and was previously married to her first ever boyfriend, whom she has a daughter with. They divorced nearly a year ago, and I am her second relationship since. When we ...
A. 22 January 2010: She's keeping you very nicely on a string isn't she. Fact - if she loves you enough, she'd be with you. You're just being kept like a comfort blanket. Get rid of her. Never allow yourself to be treated this way. ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants to date me, not physically cheat, but also date others
Q. I have been dating a girl exclusively since the end of October 2009, she's 25, and was previously married to her first ever boyfriend, whom she has a daughter with. They divorced nearly a year ago, and I am her second relationship since. When we ...
A. 11 January 2010: Buddy, I just think you're wasting your time. I know that's not what you want to hear from me, but don't be second best. You're either and item, or you're just not. ... (read in full...)
Any first date tips?
Q. ok people i need helppp!! i am going on a first date with a guy i've liked for sooooo long, and i am sooooooooooo nervous!! i'm just out a 5 year relationship, we never really done the whole dating thing, anyway what do i say, what do i wear? what ...
A. 5 January 2010: Wear what you feel like wearing, and just be yourself. Certainly don't drink too much (only a couple of glasses). Don't talk about past sex lives, ex boyfriends and such. Ask him about career/hobbies etc. And relax! Don't try to be something you're ... (read in full...)
I want to help my friend but I don't know who is in the right in this situation!
Q. In June 2008 my friend accused his mum of having an affair with her best friend. This caused close family members to all fall out. At this time my friends mum said she wasn’t having an affair but then in may 2009 my friends mum admitted having an ...
A. 5 January 2010: Sadly, it works like this. She has had an affair, which was her choice. She now wants to leave for this other guy. She has hurt and lied to her two sons. One no longer wants anything to do with them, the other will ensure his behaviour leaves his ... (read in full...)
All my boyfriends think I am too unpredictable! Can I ever change and get my boyfriend to like me again?
Q. [Moderator's Note: 2 questions from the same poster have been merged into one] Question 1. ok here goes...iv always been quite insecure..mainly because my dad had quite a few affairs.. Iv had 2 serious boyfriends-both who finished the relationshi...
A. 5 January 2010: I think you need to spend some time finding yourself, rather than going out with guys at the moment. You seem to have made a poor choice in the guy who has a bad reputation, and I think that's because your low esteem and insecurity is causing you to ... (read in full...)
Are these signs that my mother is gay?
Q. There are some rumors going around our town that my mother is gay. She dismisses these rumors, but the entire town, including her parents and me believe she is. She won't go anywhere unless her "friend" goes with her, and its always the same person. ...
A. 5 January 2010: Well to be leaving you in the car by yourself for hours, locking the doors and not going into the house suggests there is something going on. Maybe she is gay, maybe she's not. Her actions are suspicious though. But she is also your mum, so just ... (read in full...)
Sometimes he's into me, other times he's just cold
Q. does this guy like me? sometimes he's really into me and others he's just cold. When we are having a blast we laugh, he nudges me leg or foot or something, tells me im funny and once i told him a story from my childhood when i thought i was ...
A. 5 January 2010: No, no hints. He's confused already! That's the point. You have to talk to him and be forward. Any hints and he won't have a clue where he stands. ... (read in full...)
I think my teacher may be attracted to me
Q. i think my teacher might be attracted to me, i see him all the time and we're pretty close. some things he has said or done: told me i am beautiful, cute, said i had a nice arse, once he even said i was orering him around like a married couple. ...
A. 5 January 2010: Any guy can pretend to be sweet or a gentleman. But he's a teacher and is saying inappropriate things, so I know he's not a gentleman. He's using you and you need to stop it. ... (read in full...)
If I cheat on my boyfriend how will it affect me if I never tell him?
Q. So me an my bf are going on 4months. And for either of us this is a big deal. But I have been talking to this other guy corey and I am starting to get feelings for him. We talk more than my boyfriend and now I think that me and my bf are just too ...
A. 5 January 2010: To be honest, neither guy sounds right for you. Your boyfriend is slowly starting to neglect you, and you don't seem to have all that much on common. And this new guy Corey doesn't want a relationship at all, so he's not what you're looking for ... (read in full...)
What does a break really mean?
Q. Me and my boyfriend been together for 5 months,well My boyfriend said he wanted a break;; but he still wants to see me,he said "he is just stress" but not from me... i dnt understand why we are taking a break,if he still wants me to come over ...
A. 5 January 2010: Break - time off to do your own thing then come back later.
Sometimes, they can be useful, especially if there are a lot of problems in a relationship. At your age, and since the relationship is only 5 months long, I'd say you'd be better endi... (read in full...)
Whenever it comes to arranging to meet me he always has an excuse, is he playing games with me?
Q. im really confused i have been texting this bloke for 2 months now and have seen him twice but when ever it comes to meeting again he changes the subject and tells me he has crazy stuff going on but is still texting me. im new back to dating as only ...
A. 5 January 2010: Yes, he is playing with you. To be honest, why waste time on a guy who just has excuse after excuse. Better to move on. ... (read in full...)
I think my teacher may be attracted to me
Q. i think my teacher might be attracted to me, i see him all the time and we're pretty close. some things he has said or done: told me i am beautiful, cute, said i had a nice arse, once he even said i was orering him around like a married couple. ...
A. 5 January 2010: It suggests he's not such a good teacher. Most of those comments are inappropriate, and the way he's touching you sound a bit perverted for a teacher. Please don't let anything happen, because it would be illegal and could ruin lives. If he ... (read in full...)
Sometimes he's into me, other times he's just cold
Q. does this guy like me? sometimes he's really into me and others he's just cold. When we are having a blast we laugh, he nudges me leg or foot or something, tells me im funny and once i told him a story from my childhood when i thought i was ...
A. 5 January 2010: I think he does, but I think he's shy or confused about how you feel about him. Why not talk to him?... (read in full...)
Husband looking at porn sites rating wives?
Q. Is it normal for a man to be looking at a porn sight which focuses on other adults rating videos posted in of them having sex with their wives (it is actually called something that is about rating wives) when he has only been married less than a ...
A. 5 January 2010: The thing that says more that anything is that he married because of loneliness. He doesn't' have that all great a track record, and he's now looking at porn as well. I think whoever is married to him needs to sit down and have an honest talk with ... (read in full...)
Does he think am a SLU*T?
Q. ive been texting this guy.. hes real sweet and sexy.. and ive been proper flirty..cos am like that naturally.. now am scared maybe he thinks am easy cos he just asked for exclusive pic and i text him i dont do them kinda pics.. i t...
A. 5 January 2010: No, he doesn't. And he's an ass. You were right not to send him any pictures. He would have flashed them to all this friends. You're a lovely normal lady, so don't be worried at all. You're far better without this guy, he's the one who is immature. ... (read in full...)
Every time I give him the option of breaking up he says he doesn't want to
Q. My boyfriend and I have bee together for 4 yrs. most recently we had a huge fight and decided to go our seperate ways, because he dosent have a job and I my own bills and cant always help him when he needs it. I am 21 and hes 22 and both us are used ...
A. 5 January 2010: I think you should end it. It sounds to me like he's using you because you're earning money and he's not. It might be hard to find a job at the moment, but he needs to get his own life in order before he can make a decent boyfriend. As it is, you ... (read in full...)
Is this real or just a crush?
Q. I've been dating my girlfriend for about 3 months thing were great until I found out not only is she still texting her ex but apparently she stopped seeing him only two weeks before she started seeing me. Their relationship ended because he showed ...
A. 5 January 2010: Her reasoning either shows that she is still interested, or she is warped. Why on earth would she want to go back to see her ex to rub it in. What does she think will happen? I think she's after getting him back, and has used you as a rebound. She's ... (read in full...)
My husband has virtually no people skills and I am growing tired of it!
Q. Here's one for you. My husband treats me and the kids like gold. No complaints there. He treats our extended families well and also my friends. Notice I wrote my friends - he has none. He's a prick to pretty much everyone else in the world. ...
A. 5 January 2010: Ask yourself one question. Do you love him? Then, consider really talking to him about it and going to counselling if you have to. You can't change him, but if he sees it maybe he can change himself (though it's unlikely). The reason I want you to ... (read in full...)
Could my ex be starting to develop feelings for me again?
Q. Me and my boyfriend were together for 10 months and in that time we broke up once or twice and he would all ways come back to me. He would say he made a mistake and loves me and wants me back. We broke up again 3 weeks ago he dated another girl but ...
A. 5 January 2010: You might love him, but he doesn't love you. He's not yet ready to be in a relationship. You've now broken up three times in 10 months. I think you are mature, and I'm sure you love him, but he's just not ready for a committed relationship at this ... (read in full...)
I asked him where I stand with him but I still have no idea what he means!
Q. Hi. Thanks before hand for any answers. I've posted before about the situation i am in. But things have changed. So chatting to some guy for about 2 months, known him for like 3 years, we have like a online realtionship, you know the one, staying...
A. 5 January 2010: This is a man's way of saying you're a great girl, but at this moment he is not looking or a girlfriend, all he is looking for is sex. So if all you want is sex, then by all means continue with him, because he's been honest and has not tried to hide ... (read in full...)
I made a mistake whilst my girlfriend and I had split up, now there is a chance she could find out! What should I do?
Q. About a year ago, my girlfriend, of about a year at the time and i, broke up, i stupidly got drunk to deal with it and slept with a girl who id been friends with and known for a while. I hated myself for it after and my girlfriend and i got back...
A. 5 January 2010: All I can say is you were both apart at the time. She will be upset that it happened if she finds out either way. But if you think that someone is going to tell her, do it yourself first and hope for the best. It would be better come from you first. ... (read in full...)
My wife and I are giving our relationship another chance after we both had affairs, how can we move on from this and let go of the past?
Q. Hi to all the people who answered my previous questions, about my affair and my wifes affair. We have got back together, we are both anxious, we both have trust issuse's, we both feel crushed. We are letting go of the past, after taking out the ...
A. 5 January 2010: I would definitely recommend that you both go to couples counselling. I think it's great that you're both giving it a second chance after the affairs you've had. I'm sure you're both worried about it and such. You both need to be able to understand ... (read in full...)
I'm still living with my ex and hoping we get back together, but I am getting so paranoid she is seeing someone else!
Q. Well, me and my ex were together for 3 years and we live together. We broke up a few months ago due to trust issues on both sides, but continued to live together. Almost straight after we broke up, she admitted that she had started seeing someone ...
A. 5 January 2010: You have got to move out and move on, or you'll be stuck on her. She might be seeing someone else. She might not. The fact is though, she has not said she wants to get back together. You need to stop living in the past and move on. Not easy, I ... (read in full...)
I really want another baby but I don't want to push my boyfriend into it!
Q. hi im 19 years i have 2 year old girl ive not long told my boyfriend that i want another baby i told him just a few months b4 xmas just gone and i was going to stop taking my pill December but we both decaded not to until after xmas wall from then ...
A. 5 January 2010: Wait. That's my advice. If you're struggling now, to have another child would add to the strain. Focus on your one child just for now, and make sure you have more money. The last thing you need is to be broke with 2 young children. ... (read in full...)
My man has done a disappearing act, will he come back?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for about a month, he's expressed a lot of interest in me and it's been going great and we get on really really well. But I haven't seen him for almost a week, or heard from him for a couple of days and I'm starting to ...
A. 5 January 2010: Text him. It might take 30 seconds to write something, but if he's really ill he won't be able to. Text him and see what happens. ... (read in full...)
Can I get birth control without my parents knowing?
Q. Is it possible to get a perscription 4 birth control w/ out my parrents finding out? Do doctors always tell ur parents about that stuff?...
A. 5 January 2010: Some states in the US offer confidentiality, some don't. You need to check on the internet. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I'm lying about my bra size. Should I be pissed?
Q. My boyfriend doesnt believe I wear a size d or double-d bra, I know he was just saying that because he wants to see my boobs, but for some reason I got really pissed about it. Is it normal for me to get mad at him?...
A. 5 January 2010: Yes, you should. He's saying that you're lying so he can see you show your boobs. He's a young male and has a lot to learn, so tell him you won't show him anything and would prefer if he actually showed you he cared about.... (read in full...)
Why would my partner be masturbating while they were asleep?
Q. has anyone ever caught their spouse masterbating while they thought you were asleep ?...
A. 5 January 2010: He needed a release and thought you were asleep. Don't worry, it's no reflection on you at all.... (read in full...)
A married man has been pressuring me for sex. What do you think he meant by his last comment?
Q. I have been friends with a married man who is 29 years older than I. I met him at my work place 3 years ago. I am a nurse married and he is a physician. Anyway, we started to become really close. We started going out, texting, and sending pics ...
A. 5 January 2010: Do you want to wreck your marriage of fix it? That's the way this is going. He doesn't care about you at all, he just wants to use you for sex. That's it. So you can either fix your marriage and be important to your husband, or you can be second ... (read in full...)
The pain from the terrible relationship with my first love came back after 3 years without warning, is this normal?
Q. My first love used me and killed me emotionally for over a year and the pain after 3 years came back without warning. Is it normal for it to resurface without a trigger and after so long. ...
A. 5 January 2010: Yes, it is. The trigger is that you probably tried to forget about it and didn't. Now it's back. Just keep working through it and focusing on your own life and you'll get there. ... (read in full...)
My first time was not a good experience and now has me doubting that I might be gay!
Q. im 20 yrs old and im wondering if am i gay??? because i just lost my virginity to a girl complete stranger i dont know i just met her and did it. i thought the sex was gonna be real good cause its my first time but it wasnt hers and it was good but ...
A. 5 January 2010: Sex is nothing like it seems in porn of films or anything like that. And you should do it with someone you care about. You're not gay, you just had different expectations, that's all. It will get better when you are more experienced. ... (read in full...)
Body Odour causing a real problem, I don't know why, help!!
Q. Why Do I have Body Oudour? Please answer this seriously as its upsetting. I bath and change my clothes every day and wash my hair and use deodorants YET still I have a funny smell about me. Its NOT because IM not clean and I have been to the...
A. 4 January 2010: It might be worth just going to the doctor in case you have a chemical imbalance. They might be able to do tests.... (read in full...)
Should I Meet With Him?
Q. About 4 months ago I started speaking to this guy who lives in the same city as me and is only a year older than me. Everytime we speak he asks when we are meeting up and i have told him before i would. the problem is i cant bring myself to go and ...
A. 4 January 2010: Why not meet with him. You're under no obligation to do anything with him other than meet. You don't have to go any further at all. But he clearly likes you, or he wouldn't be chasing you. Go for it and see what happens. ... (read in full...)
Wife of 15 years is cheating, where do we go from here?
Q. I could use a little advice. I've been married to a great woman for 15 years and I thought things were going well. But one month ago I discovered by accident that she had a secret email account. Well, after lots of back and forth, she admitted ...
A. 4 January 2010: I don't think this is something you can work out. This is not like it's one affair with one guy. This is sex, phone sex with a lot of guys over a long period of time. I really admire your loyalty to her, but to be honest I think it's wasted. To me ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend went traveling and came back single!! I don't know what to do! Advice, please?
Q. i was going out with a girl for 6 years up until last may when she traveled to Australia for 7 months. everything was fine before she left in that we promised to stay together etc, loved each other etc. while she was traveling she met another guy ...
A. 4 January 2010: The fact is she left to go travelling, promised you'd be together then promptly found someone else. So she broke her promise. You can't trust her, and it just sounds like she's moved on. I think you should too.... (read in full...)
B/f is talking to his ex again
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and it's been great but this past week I discovered he's started talking to his ex-girlfriend again. Now this ex-girlfriend is apparently also his best friend, and they were together for a over a month around a ...
A. 4 January 2010: You're not being stupid at all. It's often bad news when an ex comes back onto the scene, especially with the way he is behaving. He didn't say he had met her, he didn't tell you about the sleepover, and she's ringing and messaging him all the time. ... (read in full...)
Our song is his and his ex's song too...what does this mean!?
Q. Please help even if this is a silly question! I don't know what to think. I've just found out the mine and my boyfriend's song was his and his ex's song! What does that say about him? Should i worry that everyone time we listen to it he is thinking...
A. 4 January 2010: Maybe he just likes the song. I wouldn't worry about it to be honest.... (read in full...)
Sex on a first date, today he is quiet, will he show for our date tomorrow?!
Q. I slept with a guy on our first date! Now he seems distant.. We have only really known each other a month but the instant we met online he lived near, attractive it was like we was made for each other.. he instantly give me his number and got on...
A. 4 January 2010: You won't know until your next date. Text him and remind him a out it then see how he acts. Just be sure not to sleep with him again, in case he thinks he can use you.... (read in full...)
Husband had affair and part of his story is not true
Q. My husband cheat on me and told me that is was an ongoing affair for a few months. He revealed that he loves her, but says he loves me and wants to work out our issues. He swears he will never do it again. I agreed to go to counseling and to forgive ...
A. 4 January 2010: Before you can trust him again, he needs to be totally honest with you and face up to what happened. I think you should confront him about what you have found and demand that he comes clean about everything. If he really wants to make it up with ... (read in full...)
What did his actions and his words mean?
Q. Ok.... i'm a little confused. Last night I went on a date with this guy and we went back to his place and made a bonfire in the backyard. We ended up sitting around it for a good 3 hours just talking but nothing physical happened. At the end of the ...
A. 4 January 2010: It means he fancies you but wants to take things slow. So keep getting to know him, because he didn't go out of his way to use you, so maybe he's a good guy. ... (read in full...)
How can I find a place to live that will work with me?
Q. In 2006, I was pregnant and in an abusive relationship, living in nevada with the guy I was abused by. After being abused repeatedly, I realized I needed to leave, so I abandoned my apartment and moved back to california in fear of what would happen ...
A. 4 January 2010: Well done for leaving. I know it's hard on you, but you made the right decision. The only thing I can suggest is that you find a woman's hostel you an go to and see if you can get any advice at all. Maybe there is someone there who can help you. ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants to date me, not physically cheat, but also date others
Q. I have been dating a girl exclusively since the end of October 2009, she's 25, and was previously married to her first ever boyfriend, whom she has a daughter with. They divorced nearly a year ago, and I am her second relationship since. When we ...
A. 4 January 2010: Do you really want to wait all that time, knowing she is seeing other men, just to see if she might want to be with you in six of seven years time? She's in a dream world where she's waiting for someone better to come along. and you don't know that ... (read in full...)
Would you forgive a woman with an extremely promiscuous past?
Q. I am a 28 year old woman with an extremely promiscuous past. I slept with 70 guys. I had committed relationships too. I came clean with my boyfriend and told him the extent of what I had done. He continues to ask me for every detail and I respond. ...
A. 4 January 2010: I'm a guy, and I can tell you there's nothing he needs to forgive. You weren't with him when you slept with those guys. And let's face it, to then go on and call you a whore and a slut when he's slept with 20 women his pretty hypocritical. And do ... (read in full...)
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