| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Am I wrong to be angry or am I just being selfish?
Q. Its not relationship but i need help. 3 years ago my brother killed somebody and is in prison. He had 2 children. his former girlfriend went on to have another child. so in may 2007 she killed somebody too (he was trying to break into the house a...
A. 9 January 2010: No, you're not. Your brother killed someone, and his ex managed to do the same. You're right to be angry because this is not your mess at all. And for your mum to call you selfish really is despicable. I know she's finding it hard, but this has ... (read in full...)
Does he genuinely like me or is it just like she says, because of my boobs?
Q. I started hanging out with this guy not too long ago, I really like him. He just broke up with his ex, and she still tries to talk to him. She told one of my friends he only likes me because of my boobs, Could it be true or is she jealous? We asked ...
A. 9 January 2010: Just keep getting to know him. To be honest, I think his ex is just a jealous girl, ... (read in full...)
Protection?
Q. Me and my bf are going to have sex for the first time. I'm wondering if being on the pill and useing a condom is pretty safe? Because I'm only 17 I don't want to have to use any other protection but I don't want to get pregnant. But is the pill and ...
A. 9 January 2010: Yes, very much so. The best combination is the pill and condoms. Each are both 97% effective, so you should be absolutely fine.... (read in full...)
He says he wants to be with me in 6 months... does this mean he wants to be with me long term?
Q. Im 41 and my boyfriend is 39...we have been seeing each other for nearly 6 months now and we have fallen in love. My boyfriend is really good to me and very caring and i would hate it if we ever split up. The other night he was planning on what we ...
A. 9 January 2010: Yes it does. That's a male's way of saying he wants to be with you, when he's a little to nervous to say it... (read in full...)
My ex bf stole my car and rolled it! So why do I still care for him??
Q. I think I still love my ex, may sound easy... just get him back, but when i was asleep he stole my car keys whilst drunk, took it with out me knowing and rolled it 4 times. I lost over 4 grand and he got hardly any punishment. I know I should hate ...
A. 9 January 2010: Good question. I guess the problem is you loved him, and didn't see him doing that. To solve it, focus on your own life and what want from it, and maybe stop seeing other guys while you get your feelings in order, even if it takes a while... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to this guy at work...but I am married!
Q. Hi I am a 30yo woman married for 4 years. Of late, I am getting attracted to a workmate who is 26 yo and unmarried. Whenever he is around I just can't seem to focus, my hands start to shake and butterflies in my tummy. Even he seems to feel the same ...
A. 9 January 2010: www.womensinfidelity.com
Read this, you'll find it interesting. To give you a taster, it tells how at four years, some women can start to have problems with a marriage. This is the moment to really focus on your marriage, so read that and start spen... (read in full...)
She wants to meet up with her ex, should I feel anything?
Q. I'm new to the site, I have a situation which is making me anxious. I met a girl in Feb of this year and we started dating. I was reluctant to at first as she was a lot younger than me, there's an age gap of 16 years, I'm 39. My friends convinced me ...
A. 9 January 2010: Keep going with the new women. Your ex had her chance and blew it. Get rid of her and get to know your old flame again.... (read in full...)
Why won't my married lover call me??
Q. hello im a 32 year old woman who has been seeing this married man for 7 years. i thought we had a really good relationship and we talked on the phone every other day. now for some reason i have not heard from him in a week. i know thats not a very ...
A. 9 January 2010: Hi there lioness,
I'm a male, so I can explain this to you. Basically, he doesn't care one bit about you. He's still with his wife, and he has you on the side. He doesn't call, because he doesn't' have to. He might even be seeing someone else. Plea... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my bf's interest in other girls...without having a major meltdown?
Q. Hi Im going through a bad patch with my boyfriend of 4 years for a few specific reasons, firstly he moved in with 2 girls and his friend, he never discussed this with me and it really bothers me as I feel so jealous. The other thing is that he met ...
A. 9 January 2010: You have to look at this kind of thing without emotion (which is very hard). But take away how you feel and look at the facts. He moved in with two girls and a male friend, and didn't discuss this with you. He has now met with his ex on numerous ... (read in full...)
I want to stay friends with him..but why is he acting like such a jerk?
Q. Me and my boyfriend broke up the last week of school before winter break. We have been dating for almost 5 1/2 months and before break me and him were still good friends. After break we came back to school and he is a jerk now. I asked him why he ...
A. 9 January 2010: Him acting like a jerk is his way of getting your attention because he's hurt. Tell him to grow up. ... (read in full...)
17 year old virgin with no boyfriend?
Q. Is it bad to be a 17 year old virgin whose never had a boyfriend?...
A. 9 January 2010: Of course it's not. You're not pregnant, you have no STD's, you haven't been used. There are plenty of reasons that it's a good thing, none that it's a bad thing. Just keep focusing on yourself and your life for now, and you'll meet a great guy ... (read in full...)
Why does husband need to masturbate when I'm home?
Q. I have caught my husband masterbating and i'm wondering if there is something wrong with our sex life why do he feel he needs to do that when i'm in the house? I can see us doing it together or me watching but, he is doing it without me when i'm in ...
A. 9 January 2010: I'm sure it's not your sex life. The thing is he may just need a quick fix. If you are worried, just try to spice things up a bit in the bedroom (underwear, order him about a bit and such). But I'm pretty sure it's not you. ... (read in full...)
I had an affair 6 months ago but the feelings are still there!
Q. I met a girl back in h.s and she turned me down, ran into her a year ago and she turned out to be married. The connection i felt with her was intense. We ended up talking on the phone, which tured into a affair. She has 2 kids and is very unhappy ...
A. 9 January 2010: Fact of the matter is you were used by her to try and fox a problem with her marriage. I don't think she meant to hurt you, but clearly she loves her husband and is trying to fix the marriage, most likely for the sake of her daughters. All you can ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure that he will ever grow up to be the man that I need
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. From 3 weeks into dating, he told me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I love him with everything that I am, but am not sure he will ever grow up enough to be the ...
A. 9 January 2010: You're making the classic female mistake. A million women before you have all sat there with a really second rate man and hoped he will change. Not one of those men changed. And neither will your guy. You only need to read what you've written to see ... (read in full...)
I know all he wants is sex and I don't want to be thought of in that way!
Q. Seriously, I am not the type of person who comes off as being rude. I need to tell a married man whom I have been friends with for a year to stop calling me. I have ignored him but he just won't catch on. I've told him that the situation we are ...
A. 9 January 2010: He's a married man who wants to think he's still 'got it', which means giving up will be hard for him. So spell it out. Tell him, to his face, you are not interested in him sexually and he should go home to his wife. And if he continues, tell him ... (read in full...)
Why does it hurt to know he's not a virgin?
Q. Why does it hurt to know he is not a virgin while i still am?...
A. 9 January 2010: Maybe you're romantic and you would like to have been his first? Believe me though, it's not as a big a deal as it sounds. Everyone has a past, and if you like him enough, then you'll be able to accept him for it. ... (read in full...)
He knows about the fling and is very distant to me!
Q. I have posted some very similar questions on here already but I am still trying to win my husband's love and trust back. He left me and while separated I had a fling and I really regret it. He knows about it and I am living with him again, but he is ...
A. 9 January 2010: What no one has probably told you is that when men get hurt or upset, they fall silent so they can think about what they want to do. He's distant because he's thinking and because he's worried he'll get hurt again. But he has come back to you, and ... (read in full...)
He's so tight and accuses me of taking money when I don't
Q. I have been with the same guy in a relationship for 14 yrs, not married, I raised my own kids, and they were grown, and then after 9 months after meeting him, I was put on the spot to stay with him and raise his kids, I could have said no, but I ...
A. 8 January 2010: You can't just change a man, especially one who is like this. All you can do is try talking to him about it and ask him why he feels the way he does. But the truth is after all this time, he won't change.... (read in full...)
Does he feel the same way when we aren't together?
Q. I don’t know how my best friend feels about me but when I don’t see him after school it breaks my heart because talking to him is the only thing I look forward to. He always makes fun of me playfully if I say something wrong and he says that im ...
A. 8 January 2010: Sounds like he likes you a lot. You know, there's only one way to find out and that's to talk to him. I bet he does miss you, and he certainly sounds like he adores you attention. So get talking to him and see where it leads.... (read in full...)
Its burns when I pee, what could it be?
Q. ok so i have this bad feeling like a bladder infection but i think its worst then that now i dont think it is a std because i have been to the doctor but not for this burning feeling. because i have this feeling off and on. now i am taking some ...
A. 8 January 2010: Could be a bladder infection or a kidney infection. Drink lots of water, and speak to a doctor in case it's serious. ... (read in full...)
He wants to be friends - I want more
Q. I've met a guy online 3 years ago when I was outside the US - we talked a lot - mostly sexual converstions. We lost track of each other and I got married to someone else a year later and returned to US. I got pregnant from my husband then things got ...
A. 8 January 2010: He won't. He's telling you straight that he is not ready to take on you and your daughter. You have to let him go. ... (read in full...)
It scares me that I am thinking of sleeping with someone other than my wife!
Q. hello all, i pretty much no the answers to the question i am going to ask, but i spose i want some reasurance that i am right. for the past 3 months or so my wife and i have only had sex twice. this is playing on my mind big time as to me she is a...
A. 8 January 2010: Well you have to talk to her, because something is wrong. The more you don't talk the worse this will get. It won't just go away. I think perhaps the stress is getting to her. Ask her about how she feels and just take a bit of time over her. ... (read in full...)
Becoming a single mother by choice!
Q. Im 29 years old and really want a baby. However, im single. Ive wanted children for a few years but it wasnt until i had an unplanned pregnancy with my boyfriend at the time just over a year ago and miscarried that the urge for children has gotten ...
A. 8 January 2010: Pinktopaz is right. There are plenty of women who no doubt want children, and there are plenty who do brilliantly raising a child by themselves (better to have no father involved that a rubbish one). All I can say is you have to do what you want, ... (read in full...)
Will it last???
Q. dear cupid, im in a relationship with this guy but he is not over his ex.they have been separated for a year and we have been dating for 8.he says he loves me and wants to be with me as i feel the same for him. but this whole hes not over hi...
A. 8 January 2010: If he's not over his ex then he's not totally into you. I don't think it can last, because if his ex ever came back, he would surely go back to her. I think you would do better to move on now.... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he tell people we're going out together?
Q. Me and my bf has been dating for 3 yrs and he still can't admit to anyone that I'm his gf and that he loves me. Its been going on since we started dating, he says he loves me and all this but then he's saying to everyone that I'm not his gf,its ...
A. 8 January 2010: You need to talk to him about it very quickly. Tell him it's hurting you, ask him why he won't introduce you and get him talking.... (read in full...)
She wants the best of both worlds!
Q. Me and my ex girlfriend were together for 3 years and have now been separated for a year and a half. During the relationship we lived together and raised our children together. We broke up because of trust issues and during the first year of ...
A. 8 January 2010: Because she has you wrapped around a little string, that's why. She doesn't' want you getting close to any other women so you're always at her call. You need to stop her using you like this, or you'll never move on. She's using you so you're just at ... (read in full...)
I am attracted to a "playa'
Q. This is really long but I think I need some professional help. I have never had much confidence but when I started my new job a few years back it was meant as a new start and I felt really positive, however, after a few weeks things weren't g...
A. 8 January 2010: Hi there. Your lack of confidence is perhaps the problem here. You feel low, your work is tough because of bullies, and along come a player and for the first time somebody cared, so you jumped at him. I don't blame you at all. But the thing you must ... (read in full...)
He says he wont do it again, but then he does ..........
Q. I'm so mad right now i really need some advice! Yesterday i went to my friend's house to watch a movie and talk. Before, I called my bf to let him know where i was going and that i wasn't going to be home, so he should call me on the cell phone l...
A. 8 January 2010: A man who breaks his promises over and over again isn't a man. He's promised a thousand times this wouldn't happen, and every time he's broken that promise. Don't waste time on someone you can't count on.... (read in full...)
I ended an unhappy relationship and now he wants me to apologise
Q. Thank you first off for taking the time to read my post. I've been dating my currently ex bf for 3 years and have lived together for about 5 months. For the past few days we've been very unhappy. I was upset because he started acting like he w...
A. 8 January 2010: Yes, you did do the right thing by getting rid of him. Clearly he's not into you enough to care about you, and is blaming you. Let him go, and you move on.... (read in full...)
He says he feels comfortable with me but doesn't want to get too close!
Q. hi guys,when a guy says he wants to be more than friends but is wary and doesn't like getting too close but feels comfortable with you what does that mean?a bit confused!opinions greatly welcomed!...
A. 8 January 2010: He's got too many things going on in his life to get involved in. He'll either only use you for sex and keep using you, or he'll use you then move on. Let him fox his life first.... (read in full...)
I want to be able to reconnect with her sexually as well as personally.
Q. I have been married for 16 years. i have e.d. when my wife lets me have anal sex i dont stop when its hurting her. i take viagra and it is really hard to control myself. now my wife is having issues with self esteem and wants nothing to do with me ...
A. 8 January 2010: You really need to spend your time just listening to her and caring for her before anything else. She's having issues and needs you to be there for her. Tell her you love her, take time over her and help her overcome of issues. ... (read in full...)
What do you guys think? IS he cheating on me...?
Q. Hi all, I'm currently suspecting that the man I have been seeing for several years is cheating on me. If you could read through the below list of signs and give me your opinion about whether it could be something I'm overthinking.. or a list of ...
A. 8 January 2010: Whether he's cheating or not (which it sounds like he may be), he's certainly not that into you at all. To be honest, I think you could do better for yourself. ... (read in full...)
I could be just making a mountain out of a molehill but I can't help thinking it is devious behaviour.
Q. I feel really cross with my partner. We have been together for 2 1/2 years. One of my major hobbies is dancing. When my partner and I got together we chatted about our hobbies and felt it was important that we had separate hobbies because he ...
A. 8 January 2010: When a man doesn't do something for the woman he is supposed to love, but he does it for another, then he's not into the woman he loves. He doesn't sound all that interested in you or who you are, and you've said you've seen this happen once ... (read in full...)
He says we will be together but he never wants to see me or talk to me. What is going on?
Q. Hello okay I have this problem I've been with my partner for almost a year..we use to spend every day with each otha now its like he never want 2 spend tyme with me he's says I'm annoying he barley wants 2 talk 2 me on the phne..n when I askd him ...
A. 8 January 2010: I'm really sorry, but your weak willed boyfriend clearly isn't into you any more. For your own sake and future happiness, move on.... (read in full...)
Marine guy has my number but he hasn't called!
Q. Hi there, On Tuesday I was with my cousin and friend having a couple drink at this restaurant. A group of 6 guys come in and sit on 3 tables behind me. One of the guys that came in was really cute and I liked him. My cousin was sitting in ...
A. 8 January 2010: If a man doesn't call after a week, he's not interested. He has your number, so give him a few more days. The if he doesn't call, move on.... (read in full...)
Is sex 3-4 times a week healthy and normal?
Q. Hi Just looking for feedback from people living with their partners. Ive been with my partner for 18 months now, its a distance relationship so we only see each other weekends. At weekends we have sex 3 or 4 times over the fri night, sat and s...
A. 8 January 2010: I'm in a long distance relationship, and though I haven't been with her for a massively long time, everything you're doing seems to be perfectly normal. I think your parter is a little concerned that you'll just want her for sex and not want to just ... (read in full...)
My partner is verbally abusive and my daughters are disrespectful! Am I being too soft?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles, I've posted here before and found the advice really helpful. I'm in a distressing stressful family situation. My partner of 6 years is verbally abusive and my two daughters (19 and 22) constantly disregard my rules. My ...
A. 8 January 2010: Several women who have husbands/partners who are policemen have written on here saying they are disrespectful, which leads me to suspect that most policemen are very unstable. Addressing your partner first, he has no right to call you fat. Size ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated a year ago and it is still a big issue in our relationship!
Q. Hey guy sorry this is a little long but please take a moment to read it, i will really appreciate it. well a year ago exactly i found out my boyfriend cheated (as in full blown sex) with his ex girlfriend. it was in the first month of em and ...
A. 8 January 2010: He doesn't' have one little bit of respect for you or your feelings at all. He cheated with his ex, which means he wasn't over her, he wouldn't cut contact even after you asked, he still obviously sees her because they're in the same friend group, ... (read in full...)
Why do I get bored in relationships so quickly?
Q. every time i get into a relationship with someone after a while i get sick of them i cant stand it and want to dump them this has happened to me many times its like i only like the chase but once im in a relationship i don't want to be anymore. i ...
A. 8 January 2010: You're still very young and this is natural. It'a happened to a lot of people over the years before you. You're still young, and you're maturing and trying to define who you are. Instead of chasing guys around then dumping them (because you will get ... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant or is this phantom pregnancy symptoms?
Q. Well I don't know if I am or not! I just had sex 3 weeks ago without a condom 2 days in a roll... But my bf said when he felt like he was cuming he pulled out... But then I took the morning after pill the next day but I don't kno if it worked ...
A. 8 January 2010: There is always a chance you could be if you had unprotected sex. You could just be worrying a lot though. The best thing to do is go to the doctor and get checked.... (read in full...)
Should I seek help for my eating disorder or seek help from my boyfriend?
Q. I have an eating disorder I thought was very controlled but due to lots of things happening in my life right now it's getting bad again. My Boyfriend lives two hours away and he can tell something is wrong, but he already thinks I'm depressed and ...
A. 8 January 2010: Hi there,
Any eating disorder is worth seeking help for, since they can cause serious long term damage. I think you should certainly see a doctor. Whether you tell your boyfriend or not is up to you. He knows something is wrong though, and has aske... (read in full...)
She wants to meet up with her ex, should I feel anything?
Q. I'm new to the site, I have a situation which is making me anxious. I met a girl in Feb of this year and we started dating. I was reluctant to at first as she was a lot younger than me, there's an age gap of 16 years, I'm 39. My friends convinced me ...
A. 17 December 2009: So what she is really saying is that she wants to see if there is something with her ex? Yes, be concerned, because what she is REALLY saying in that cryptic message is that she wants there to be something so she can go back. What if there is? Then ... (read in full...)
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