| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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As my husbands behaviour deteriorates I am finding solace with an old boyfriend
Q. Hi,please advise/vent/give input. I'm married for 8 years have 2 children and currently in a difficult place. My hub and I have always had ups n downs however problems were never really properly dealt with..we kinda just moved on. Most of the time ...
A. 16 January 2010: So hi, but no hug. And genuinly, don't expect anything to happen, because I don't think anything can now. ... (read in full...)
Do you think I will hear from him?
Q. I am a senior in college. At the end of last semester, I asked my teaching assistant out for a drink over email. He responded that he was soon to be going out of town for the holidays but "perhaps" we could arrange to do something once he got back ...
A. 15 January 2010: I would be surprised if he did contact you. It could affect his job if he had a relationship with a student, even if you are of consenting age. Or at the time he was being kind and letting you down gently. ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't want to be married anymore
Q. I am getting confused but I guess that is to be expected in my situation. I am doing everything I feel is right to get him back but today he woke up, and I had dinner ready and he got mad. He stated, while living here by myself I got comfortable ...
A. 15 January 2010: I hate to tell you this, but you're with a man who has now been married three times. He's a controlling nightmare. To be honest, it worried me that you're still with him, because he's really trying to control you. You had dinner ready for him, and ... (read in full...)
I am 14 and really ready for a baby... got money and stuff, what do you think?
Q. hi, i am 14 and want a baby..ive cared for babys all of mii life n have the money for it...i kno a baby is alot of work and its all about the baby and u come last..but i dont care.. i wanna have a baby to love me and share their feelings wit me n ...
A. 15 January 2010: Not yet. Please wait. Apart from anything else, I'm sure it's illegal for you to have sex yet. Also, I'm thinking you don't have enough money yet. A child will cost an average of $200,000 upwards if you want it to have a really good life. Also, you ... (read in full...)
Everytime we fight, my boyfriend blames me for my past. Please HELP?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about half a year now, and he says that he has serious plans to marry me. I am an ex-escort, and he used to be my client. I stopped working when we started dating, but before that, we became close fri...
A. 15 January 2010: Please get rid of him. If his answer to every argument is going to be insult you about your past, then he's not worth any more time. Truly, he isn't. There are plenty of other women who have pasts, plenty of men who have had pasts. And for him to ... (read in full...)
I don't want to see my mother, but worry about depriving my kids of the grandma!
Q. Hope someone can help me out here!!! When I was 8 my brother raped me for 7 years straight. I ended up pregnant by him when I was 15. When my mom found out I had to tell her what was going on, I was too scard to tell her before that. It has been ...
A. 15 January 2010: Well I'm really sorry this all happened to you. Don't listen about forgiving your brother. Never speak to him again (I know you won't). As for your mother, she is living in another world. What mother would want to admit that her son is a rapist? Not ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants to go on a break
Q. my girlfriend for about a year now says she's fed up with me and wants a break. so two days have gone by and then brings up out of nowhere why she wanted to go on a break in the first place, as if i asked about it, which i didn't. i haven't one time ...
A. 15 January 2010: I would suggest that this has gone as far as it can. Fed up with you? She didn't even talk to you about it, she just went on a break. That's a really bad sign, because it means that she can't face problems or communicate in a relationship properly. ... (read in full...)
Can being too wet be a bad thing?
Q. This is a question coming from an obvious virgin, but I'm a little worried at the same time. I get wet very easily and very fast. It's enough to saturate my underwear. My only problem is I'm worried I'm going to be TOO wet when I actualy have sex. ...
A. 15 January 2010: No, don't worry at all. It's more likely your boyfriend will love it.... (read in full...)
I want to be with ex a second time
Q. she says she's happier and more in love with her current bf than she's ever been and as much as it pains me, i do feel happy for her. but i can't erase part of me that will always want to be with her a 2nd time. i'm 18, she's 17, we're both still ...
A. 15 January 2010: Your ex has moved on, and you need to as well. ... (read in full...)
I was willing to have sex with no strings but my friend turned me down
Q. Hi I was wondering what may be going through this guy's head? We met a few months ago and before New Year's he came over to my friend's house one night and was being very flirty with me, and kissed me a few times and we cuddled up on the couch ...
A. 15 January 2010: It means he wasn't over his ex and was good enough not to use you as a rebound. It's nothing personal, he just couldn't do it because he's not over his ex. ... (read in full...)
He didn't end his online message with a "x" does that me he isn't interested?
Q. Is he intrested or not? This guy at uni has been making moves for months to be honest monday and tuesday was great.. wednesday he added me on my uni email account and emailed me.. but i've looked at his reply and i feel hes not intrested. what do ...
A. 15 January 2010: You've missed the point! He may not have ended it with a kiss, but read the last sentence 'other way is for me to show ya how i did mine!.
He's just said he's happy to show you his work, which means he might want to meet! So ask him to show you ... (read in full...)
As my husbands behaviour deteriorates I am finding solace with an old boyfriend
Q. Hi,please advise/vent/give input. I'm married for 8 years have 2 children and currently in a difficult place. My hub and I have always had ups n downs however problems were never really properly dealt with..we kinda just moved on. Most of the time ...
A. 15 January 2010: You did the right thing by ending the affair. Having an affair usually complicates things, as it has done here. And I'm afraid your lover was right to stop contact. He can see that at this moment there is too much going on, and he can see that you ... (read in full...)
I introduced two friends and they are now a couple, but she has never thanked me for it!
Q. Two of my good friends are going out. I have known him for 6 or more years, and I've known her for 4 years. She's 15 and in my year at school, he is 18 and is in his last year. Well she has been spending all of her time with him and not our litt...
A. 15 January 2010: Same thing. She's still on cloud nine. Have patience with her. ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want sex, and I have run out of ideas
Q. If your husband does not want to have sex with you for more than a year, will you divorce him or ?or stay with him , for the rest of your life? I really don't know what to do...I tried almost everything medical ,no problems, sex therapy ,spice u...
A. 15 January 2010: I think more than anything you need to talk to him and tell him the lack of sex in your relationship is now affecting it. It could be that he's depressed, or just stressed. But you need to talk to him and tell him bluntly how you feel. ... (read in full...)
Will girls care that I am still a virgin
Q. I'm 22 and I'm still a virgin. I almost had sex a few years ago (had foreplay) but wasn't able to get an erection. I'm in some sort of bad cycle in that everyone has probably had sex since most of my friends are in relatonships and I probably...
A. 15 January 2010: You'll be fine. They won't mind, I'm sure.... (read in full...)
My ex calls me a slut, how do I deal with this?
Q. I hate my ex, I completely hate him and wish something really bad would happen to him! He has given me crap about my past for YEARS, despite my being completely faithful, not even flirting or checking out other guys, despite my giving up friends for ...
A. 15 January 2010: You don't want anyone like him. Let me explain to you how controlling jerks work. They pretend to be sweet, charming, make you laugh etc, when really they are jerks. It's actually a fact that a man who makes people laugh and is the centre of ... (read in full...)
Oh no! I have a new boyfriend but am falling for his mate!
Q. I fallin in love with my boyfriend's mate. I cant stop thinking about him. the relationship is new and am his first girlfriend. I need help like badly. what should a do? dump my boyfriend for his mate or forever dream about his mate?...
A. 15 January 2010: You stand to lose them both. But maybe that's for the best. I think if you're feeling this way, it's best to end it now with your boyfriend and move on from both guys. Chances are his best friend will stand by his friend rather than go out with you. ... (read in full...)
I am trying to move on but I keep imagining him with someone else
Q. is it normal to want to live without someone because its over and u have to ... but cnstantly think about how devastating it would be to learn they are with somone else and be consumed with sadness even tho your trying hard to move on?...
A. 15 January 2010: Yes, it's normal. When I lost my first girlfriend to her ex, I was very hurt and spend most of my time thinking about what they were up to. It took me about 6 months to get over her. My friend took a year to get over his ex, and so on. But you'll ... (read in full...)
He dumped me and wont speak to me, and his mother says he needs space to move on
Q. My boyfriend and I were together for 5 years and there were a number of things he did to hurt me through those years, but I always forgave him and I was always very good to him - always honest and never did anything wrong. So a few months ago I wa...
A. 15 January 2010: I'm afraid you have to let him go and move on. He's made it clear it's over, whatever happened when you were drunk. All you can do is move on. And for his mother to step in, believe me, it's over.... (read in full...)
I am dating a girl two years older and it bothers her
Q. Well I need help with a situation that me and my girlfriend is having. We been dating not too long ago, I am 15 and she is 17, but she is worry about the age and she said it bothers her alot, I've try many ways to convince her that age doesn't ...
A. 15 January 2010: I'm going out with a woman quite a few years older than me, and she did find the age gap a bit difficult at first. Now she does't notice it, the reason being I've always treated her very well, and she decided she'd accept me as I am, rather than ... (read in full...)
I am in love with two men, and I need to decide who to stay with
Q. I am in love with two men. have been in love with the guy I thought was the one for six years, he lives in another country and wants me to move there and that is the main issue or was. He got fed up and cheated two years ago, and I loved him so ...
A. 15 January 2010: I don't think either of these men are right for you. I think if you can't choose, then you don't love either of them strongly enough. And please, whatever you do don't for the cheating controlling one.... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my teacher, who always looks depressed and sad
Q. Ok I have this crush on my teacher and was wondering how a good way to start a relationship I love her and can't stop thinking of her her name is mrs relinski she is so awesome and pretty I know she dosent have a boy friend and when she comes to ...
A. 15 January 2010: You're too young, so anything would be illegal I'm afraid. And she is a 'Mrs', which means she's married. This is a crush, and you will get over her. Nothing can happen at all, since it is illegal. ... (read in full...)
Need ideas for my gf's birthday coming up!
Q. Hi all, Happy New Year! It is my girlfriends birthday coming up and I need some help thinking of a/some presents for her. I've done the usual - Necklaces, bracelets, Watch, and even an engraved pen before plus taken her on holiday, meals and shows ...
A. 15 January 2010: Book yourself and her in for a couples photo shoot, and have some really great photos taken of you together. Then have them framed. Also, maybe send her away to a health spa to be pampered. ... (read in full...)
My bf has anger issues, he has cheated and he's hit me 3 times! Stay or go?
Q. hey guys. well i will start with the basics. i'm going out with a boy who is fifteen (the same age as me) and we've been basically going out since year eight (seventh grade) so over the years we have obviously become very close, but we have been ...
A. 15 January 2010: Very simple. Go.. Never be treated this way by anyone. It's not love. And sack your counsellor too. ... (read in full...)
Is he emotionally cheating or am I just being an insecure wife?
Q. I have been married for almost nine years. My husband and I have not had the most conventional marrige. We had a short courtship and no alone time (he was a single dad with a 3.5 year old son when i met him). We had 2 kids of our own and for as ...
A. 15 January 2010: It does sound like they rely on each other too much to be honest. I think you need to sit down and talk with him. If nothing else, you're obviously feeling a bit neglected, and he needs to know it. Talk to him.... (read in full...)
My boyfriends behaviour has changed and I am skeptical about his reasons
Q. I'm a little skeptical about a few things that have been going on with my boyfriend recently; am I in the right to be skeptical, am I just overly paranoid, should I consult him, and if so, what is the best way to go about that? A little bit of ba...
A. 15 January 2010: I have to be honest, this seems very suspicious. The call from the female worker after nine is the clincher. If it was work, he could have answered in front of you with nothing to worry about. And certainly when a man's sex habits change like that, ... (read in full...)
I like this man's company and would like to take it further
Q. I am a very shy person and work in a shop. I met this man and we statred talking. Eventually he started comming to visit me before work and we sit and have coffee together. We have a lot of things in common and enjoy each others company. We text ...
A. 15 January 2010: He is shy. You don't need to tell him you're falling in love. Just ask him out on another date and tell him you'd really like to get to know him a lot more. He'll understand that, and if he really likes you, will be happy to take it further. ... (read in full...)
I am just fed up with some of the guys I meet!
Q. Hi Ladies and men .... i have a dilemma i need some input into! I am just fed up of some of these guys i keep on meeting! So I met this guy we work near eachother and would always chat when we saw eachother (i cant really talk good to people i fancy ...
A. 15 January 2010: He wanted you for sex, and nothing more. Sorry about that. Your first mistake was to base all your feelings about him on his looks (he was so good looking), and didn't spend enough time getting to know him. I'm sure you're fed up with all the tin ... (read in full...)
Torn between the two and not knowing who to choose
Q. Im 17 and ive had alot of bad relationship experiances in the past I started seeing this guy who i work with, his really genuine but he prefers his mates over me and convocation is limited. Theres this other guy that ive liked ever since i can reme...
A. 15 January 2010: Do you want the guy who prefers his mates, or the guy who prefers you? The one who speaks to you, spends time with you and such is clearly the better bet than the one who spends most of his time with his mates.... (read in full...)
My wife cheated, we split, I married,my wife a druggie, my ex wife split, I still want her and my family!
Q. Hello. Three and a half years ago, my wife of nearly 8 years had an affair and wanted me out of the family home so she could move in her new partner. At the time our children were 4 and 3. In a whirlwind i left and started a new relationship. I was ...
A. 15 January 2010: I think to be honest you should certainly end this second marriage. It sounds like a nightmare. However, I think rather than just go back to your first wife, you should spend some time alone and just live your own life for a while, so you can really ... (read in full...)
I cant accept my b/f loves me more than he did his ex girlfriends
Q. I can't seem to get over my boyfriend's sexual history. We recently moved in together and are expecting our first child. We plan on getting married. My boyfriend is 5 years older than I am, so he obviously has more sexual experiences than I do. ...
A. 15 January 2010: He's already telling you the truth. If he loved one of his ex's more, he'd still be with one of them wouldn't he!? :). He loves you, because you are YOU there is no one else like you. He didn't like his ex's as much, or he would still be with one. ... (read in full...)
I come across as possesive and clingy!
Q. Hi everyone, Basically I'm just looking for some tips because recently I've started thinking that I'm perhaps quite a possessive and clingy girlfriend. I don't ACT super possessive and clingy as I don't want to come across that way and freak ou...
A. 14 January 2010: You have to realize that it's not him, it's the other guy that hurt you and that's the cause of your worries. So you just need to work through you feelings, think about how you were treated and let it go. Maybe talk to some of your friends about it, ... (read in full...)
I wouldnt have gone, but I am upset I wasnt invited
Q. So after thinking im over my ex. I find out he;s having a bday party today and remembering the fact that he insisted we be friends and telling me beforehand that whenever he;s having a bday gig that id be openly invited and that he wanted to see me ...
A. 14 January 2010: I'm sad to say he's your ex, so he probably would have been uncomfortable with you there to be honest. It's nothing personal at all. He's just moving on with his life, and you need to do the same.... (read in full...)
A girl I like has her pics posted showing her drunk and dancing
Q. i have very low self esteem n my question is for guys if a girl u like but at the moment she didnt like u back. she went to a party got drunk n dancedddd all night how wud u feel if u saw photos of her on myspace? wud that change how u feel about ...
A. 14 January 2010: To be honest, I would accept that sometimes people have a lot of fun, and they get drunk. I think what's happened is you've put this girl on a high pedestal, and she's got drunk, and it's kind of made you look at her and think she's not worthy of ... (read in full...)
Our family is struggling with unemployment and I need to find somewhere to live
Q. I'm really worried !.I'm 25 years old, and I have to move out of my home. I have always lived with family, and have neer had my own place before. I have been unemployed for a while. I have tried to get a job but haven't had much luck. Unfort...
A. 14 January 2010: Go to this site.
www.citizensadvice.org.uk
find out where your nearest office is and book an appointment with them. They offer free advice, and would probably be able to at least suggest to you numerous ideas about accommodation. As for staying ... (read in full...)
We broke up because it wasn't working, but I miss him heaps
Q. i think i miss my ex only problem is i don't want to be missing him. we go to the same uni so i bump into him and its hard not to see him around. we broke up because we agreed it wasn't working he made me feel like other girls were more import...
A. 14 January 2010: You know he was bad for you, and you know it wasn't working. Cut contact and move on. You don't' want to end up going back with him, only to find it's still not working and end up breaking up again, which will probably happen. He's your ex, leave ... (read in full...)
I am scheduled for an abortion but having second thoughts
Q. I am nearly 19 and pregnant. I am about 5 or 6 weeks. I have a appointment booked for the clinic in 5 days to have a abortion but im not sure if i can go through with it..I have been crying and worrying about it for ages now about what I should ...
A. 14 January 2010: You've already had one, and that has made you feel bad. If you do it twice, you may feel even worse. If you are having doubts, the best thing you can do now is to speak to a counsellor. I say that because they will offer an unbiased opinion. Your ... (read in full...)
I don't know which is stronger, my desire to stay with her or my desire to go home to the States
Q. Hello all My situation is a bit complicated. I live in Spain and work in a Symphony Orchestra here. I met a girl, whom I care for very deeply. On many levels, I believe she has to be my soulmate. I love her very much. The problem is, I...
A. 14 January 2010: You have to do what is in your heart. You are faced with losing something you love. Your country, or your girlfriend. The thing is, you haven't moved in together, which would make splitting up much easier. The other problem is if you stay here with ... (read in full...)
Since I started this relationship all my bad body image fears have come back!
Q. Well....I've decided to stay single and out of the spot light for 2 years until recently. I've had bad relationships in the past and they sent me from hell and back so decided to allow myself time, healing and to regain my independence. I have met a ...
A. 14 January 2010: Well coming here was a really great start. At least you've seen that there is a problem and you're trying to fix it. If unchecked, this could have an effect on your relationship, and of course your health. Apart from extreme weight loss and health ... (read in full...)
I introduced two friends and they are now a couple, but she has never thanked me for it!
Q. Two of my good friends are going out. I have known him for 6 or more years, and I've known her for 4 years. She's 15 and in my year at school, he is 18 and is in his last year. Well she has been spending all of her time with him and not our litt...
A. 14 January 2010: Don't look for a thank you. You won't get one. She's on cloud nine with this guy, and I'm afraid sometimes this happens. Just be a good friend to her, and don't take it personally, because I don't think she means it. ... (read in full...)
I feel unwell after sex, it bolsters his ego but bothers me!
Q. After I have sex with my boyfriend, especially if I have orgasmed, I occasionally feel very faint, disorientated and weak; the other night I had to walk home after sleeping with him but my legs felt so shakey I could barely walk and I just felt as ...
A. 14 January 2010: I think you'll find that there are a few women who have orgasms then suddenly feel tired or disorientated, so it sounds like you're a normal girl. Perhaps you would feel better if your boyfriend actually took care of you a bit more afterwards, so ... (read in full...)
I don't want a sexual thing, but do crave her attention
Q. Okay, So I don't really know where to start with this. I have a friend, also a girl, and we're not the best of friends, but the way we act would make you think otherwise. We're not really into deep conversations or anything, a general cha...
A. 14 January 2010: This might be a case of you liking her as a friend, but her liking you much more than she would like to admit. I think it's worth talking to her to make sure she's okay. ... (read in full...)
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