| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
|
Girlfriend broke my trust; should I try and work it out or leave
Q. Ok at the start of my relationship my girlfriend cheated on me 6 months into the relationship. We broke up for about 4 months. Well we got back together on some rather strict rules, since I did not know if I could trust her she was to share all her ...
A. 22 February 2010: Money doesn't prove a thing. She could give it to you all. but she would still treat you badly, and she might still cheat. You have given her the chances. Let her go. ... (read in full...)
Three months on and I still have no closure...
Q. I am feeling more lost, alone and scared than I ever thought possible. I met my ex in October 2005 and started seeing him in October 2005. He moved to my city (6 hours away) in January 2006, and until November 2009 we had only spent one night ...
A. 22 February 2010: Marriage is a big step and can make a seemingly committed man show his true colours. Just because he lives with you as a boyfriend doesn't mean that he's not afraid of marriage. ... (read in full...)
What do I do to make things better between my daughter and I so that we can have a close relationship?
Q. I have made a mistake that hurt my daughter badly. It was 10 yrs. ago, when she was 10. This guy who was a 'friend' was coming up to our house. He was interested in starting a relationship with me and likewise. My daughter got a kind of like 'pu...
A. 22 February 2010: Took her first love away? Well, that's bordering on the pathetic. She has a very warped view if she sees it like that. You have two options. You can either talk with her and say that you are sorry that this happened, but that you would like a ... (read in full...)
How do you know if a guy really likes you, and not just for your body?
Q. this guy stares at me all the time. he looks good to me, but im used to guys who say something to me when i walk by if they are into me. this guy i no went over to him and said he'd get the boy to come talk to me. they were watching me and ...
A. 22 February 2010: Get to know him over time. That's the only way. If after a while he's not interested, you'll know he was only interested in you for your body. If he sticks it out and gets to know you, you'll know he wants you.... (read in full...)
Was it a bad idea to tell my best friend that I like him?
Q. me and my best friend matt are really close and whenever people ask us if we go out we say yeah but were just joking then laugh. but ive really liked him for a long time and i told him and now we havent talked in 4 days because of how he ...
A. 22 February 2010: Though you've been hurt, telling him was the right thing to do in the long term because you now know where you stand. It was better to find out how he felt than not. Wait for him to get into contact with you again. If he doesn't, it's his loss. ... (read in full...)
She was pushing me to have sex with her and once we did, we just stopped talking to each other! Why did this happen?
Q. I was dating a girl that is a little older than me. I really enjoyed spending time with her. I feel like I was an amazing guy to her by doing a little surprise here and there that would make her day and I always told her how beautiful she is. I ...
A. 22 February 2010: That's a bit different. Sounds like she used you. One of the few times I've heard of a woman doing that. You could try talking to her again, in case she just feels a bit awkward about it. But don't expect anything.... (read in full...)
Was she trying to have sex with me?
Q. Was this chick trying to sleep/have sex with me? This chick and me were in a hotel together were really close and her friend came and fell asleep on the 2nd bed and the the girl I'm close with she went to go take a shower she came out of the bathr...
A. 22 February 2010: Maybe. Focus on your marriage though and steer clear of her. ... (read in full...)
It seems like I want her a lot more than she wants me. What do I do?
Q. Okay. There is this girl I really like. She's a family friend so she came on vacation with us this weekend. While we were there, we hooked up twice. We've been talking for about 2/3 months now and that was the first time we hooked up. We also sat up ...
A. 22 February 2010: She's not sending mixed signal. She's told you the truth. You're not together. She doesn't feel the same way as you do. Now you've got to be brave and move on from her. ... (read in full...)
What I can say or do in order for him to realise that HE is the one I truly want?
Q. I'm not sure how to handle this situation. I am currently seeing a guy and he is exactly what i've been looking for! However, I told him a while back that I like another guy too. We was in a deep conversation and it just came out - honesty is very ...
A. 22 February 2010: It was a mistake to tell him. You are right, honesty is the best policy. But you really shouldn't have gone out with him in the first place if you had feelings for another person like this. Because now he will be paranoid that he is either second ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend broke my trust; should I try and work it out or leave
Q. Ok at the start of my relationship my girlfriend cheated on me 6 months into the relationship. We broke up for about 4 months. Well we got back together on some rather strict rules, since I did not know if I could trust her she was to share all her ...
A. 22 February 2010: Leave her immediately. This has to end. She cheated. She then came back. Now she swears at you and hits you. She has set up not one, but TWO myspace accounts and has been in contact with her ex. Now there is a facebook account. She promised he would ... (read in full...)
She took him back too fast! How can I help my friend?
Q. so my friend and her boyfriend recently broke up ( the guy's fault by the way) she texted him and told him that she is willin to make it work she asked him if he felt the same way he said yes. i spoke to her today and she said that he is not calling ...
A. 22 February 2010: You're right. But all you need to do now is be there with a box if tissues. There is nothing else you can do. She has to make her own mistake and learn from it. ... (read in full...)
Most guys always tell me I have nice boobs...but I really hate them. What can I do?
Q. I dont know if im the only female who really feels this way.. but i hate my boobs ..extremly. Most boys always tell me I have nice boobs, because there larger then most girls yet I still maintain a small body But I on the other hand hate them I ...
A. 22 February 2010: You seem to have rather low self esteem if guys are telling you you're okay, and if your doctor is telling things are wrong. This might sound stupid,but spend time on your boobs. go and get a bra fitted or something and smile at yourself and them in ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend thinks she doesn't deserve me. How can I convince her that she does?
Q. my girlfriend and i love each other alot.but she always says that she doen't deserve me.how do i convince her that she does deserve me....
A. 22 February 2010: Ask her why she feels that way. She has very low self esteem if she thinks that. You need to find out why she feels that way and really listen to her. Maybe she has been hurt in the past by someone, or bullied. Or maybe she's just never felt much ... (read in full...)
He watches porn every other day, we have sex once every month or two months...is this normal?
Q. My husband watchs porn every other day but we have sex once a month or every two months. Is this normal??...
A. 22 February 2010: This sounds wrong. Either he has a porn addiction or he has a lot of stress that is causing him not to be interested in sex. I think you should talk to him and tell him that you're worried that he is watching too much porn and not spending enough ... (read in full...)
Is love just a dream? Or is it possible for two people to care for each other?
Q. Hello =). I have been wondering, becouse ive been always kinda lonely, is love just a dream/fantasy? It is possible for two people to care for each other? to trust each other? to try to make the other person feel special?....
A. 22 February 2010: Yes, love is possible. I love my girlfriend and she loves me. The thing about love is that it needs work. To fall in love is easy. To stay in love requires effort. It's all about communication and effort. When you love a woman (and you will), you ... (read in full...)
It upsets me when people tell me long-distance relationships never work...is it true?
Q. can long distant relationships work? Im totally inlove with this guy but he lives 3 hrs away and I will only be able to see him like once a month...we talk all the time.. but I wanted to know if it can really work..everyone tells me LD never wo...
A. 22 February 2010: Some do. Not many, but they can. They require a huge amount of commitment and work and if couples can overcome it, then good for them. So long as you and your boyfriend are totally committed to each other and spend quality time together, then it ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to pursue my dream in becoming a nurse, or just give it all up to save my marriage?
Q. I was in Nursing School, my husband's arguements stressed so much while I was in school that I failed and need to restart program. My husband says, that my dream "becoming a nurse" has doomed my marriage. Now I don't know if I should continue to ...
A. 22 February 2010: You're too young to give up on your dream. One way or another you need to make time for your husband. You need to. But don't give up on your dream because if you do you will resent your husband for it. ... (read in full...)
Problems with my bf...need some opinions on my situation!
Q. I am coming forward seeking an opinion on a live in relationship that I am currently involved in. For about the last six months I have been witnessing some behaviours that are hard to work with and around. My boyfriend does not want to do anything ...
A. 22 February 2010: This man is a selfish pig. And you can do better. So please go and do better with another guy. ... (read in full...)
I need tips to raise my sex drive! Advice?
Q. My sex drive has gone to nearly zero the last few months. I think it's linked to him having cheated on me and not feeling fully safe with him, also i feel that i need to have sex with him or i'm giving him a 'reason' to do so again. I know he is ...
A. 22 February 2010: Don't have sex with him for his benefit. He let you down and has to prove himself now. You both need to work through your problems. If he has cheated, it must be dealt with. Rather than focus on the sex,, focus on going out together, having fun ... (read in full...)
We got back together for one month and she dumps me for another guy!
Q. I need to know to if my ex left me for someone else. she just met that guy when we had just gotten back together. Overall we went out for 11 months but we still talked and we stayed talking so its as if we hadnt broken up so then it was 1 month and ...
A. 22 February 2010: Learn from this harsh lesson. That's what you have to do. There is a reason people come together, and a reason people slit and become ex's. When you become ex's, it's because it wasn't mean to be and that you were not right for each other. There was ... (read in full...)
I told her the level of sex needed to increase, but it hasnt, should I dump her?
Q. I told my girlfriend that I didn't want to have a relationship with her if there wouldn't be regular (somewhat frequent--at least once a week or so). She promised things would change, and they did for about a week, and now things are back to boring ...
A. 22 February 2010: A woman's arousal is linked with her state of mind. If she is happy with life in general and happy with her sex life and such, she will have a higher libido. If she is unhappy or stressed, her libido will be lower. Put more effort into finding out ... (read in full...)
I found disturbing porn on my boyfriends laptop.
Q. I'm 19, my boyfriend's 22, we've been together for a year and a half. I was recently on my his laptop, I was looking at photos and I closed the folder and forgot where I found it. So I looked at recent items, and clicked on one of the photo names. ...
A. 22 February 2010: You need to watch his behaviour and downloads over another couple of weeks before you know exactly what you're dealing with. If he has a thing for child porn, then there will be more of it. Clearly if there is more, you actually should report him ... (read in full...)
What did she mean saying boyfriend/girlfriend talk makes her nervous?
Q. There's this girl I like. We've been hanging out a lot lately. I feel like she likes me, but when I asked her about us dating, she said the B and G word make her nervous (boyfriend and girlfriend) My question is what does she mean it makes her ...
A. 22 February 2010: Yes, she's scared of being hurt again, so is taking her time getting to know you. Just be there for her, and give her the time and space she needs to adjust. When she's ready, she'll come to you and talk about it. ... (read in full...)
Do I choose the boyfriend who loves me, or the guy I really like?
Q. ok here it goes...my name is eliza and me and my boyfriend have been toghether for a month he is a good guy but he is reallly immature and really obsessive and grabs my ass and my boobs like every 5 mins. He loves me but sometimes i dont know if i ...
A. 22 February 2010: Your boyfriend sounds really unstable and immature to be honest. If he's treating you this way now, then what will he be like in say a years time? Ten times worse. And apart from that, you really prefer your friend. ... (read in full...)
What do I do to make things better between my daughter and I so that we can have a close relationship?
Q. I have made a mistake that hurt my daughter badly. It was 10 yrs. ago, when she was 10. This guy who was a 'friend' was coming up to our house. He was interested in starting a relationship with me and likewise. My daughter got a kind of like 'pu...
A. 22 February 2010: There are two things that can have happened. 1). This man who you live with abused her and she hasn't said anything. 2). She simply feels neglected (which may not make sense, but may be the problem). She has no right to treat you this way though, so ... (read in full...)
I am so sick of my girlfriends lazyness.
Q. Me and my girlfriend been together for around 4 years.we moved in and have lived together for 2.as of late she's been a bitch,anything and everything I do goes un noticed. She doesn't cook,clean,or help with bills.she likes to snap over the dumbest ...
A. 22 February 2010: Ultimatum time. Tell her how you feel and that things have to change. Set a time limit (2 months). If nothing has changed by then, move on from her. ... (read in full...)
Three months on and I still have no closure...
Q. I am feeling more lost, alone and scared than I ever thought possible. I met my ex in October 2005 and started seeing him in October 2005. He moved to my city (6 hours away) in January 2006, and until November 2009 we had only spent one night ...
A. 22 February 2010: He's afraid of the commitment. If you're looking for closure, you won't get it. You're wasting time if you sit there looking for reasons. The reason is he is afraid of the commitment. The single best thing you can do now is move on with your life ... (read in full...)
Should I continue my affair for a chance at some happiness
Q. Hi my name is michelle i have been married for 20yrs, unhappily for 10yrs to a much older man. ( 30yrs my senior.) I have been having an affair to a single man for the last 4yrs and love him very much. My problem is, that he doesn't like me ...
A. 22 February 2010: A married man will have an affair for sex because there is no commitment. A man will have an affair with a married woman for the same reason. You are married, so the question of commitment never comes up. He sees you as this; A married woman who is ... (read in full...)
Does he want to be friends after our break up?
Q. Me and my boyfriend broke up a couple of weeks ago when he decided we couldn't work as a couple, and ever since we've been rowing and arguing and calling each other names etc. Anyway yesterday I realized that actually it hadn't been working for...
A. 22 February 2010: You're going down the wrong road. He hasn't text back in one day and you've already got annoyed. 'If he said he was going to text me, I don't think it's acceptable not to do so'.
The truth is you probably won't hear from him. I never kept in cont... (read in full...)
He wants the physical stuff, but doesn't want to use me
Q. there was this guy i dated in 7 grade and we broke up. its now been almost 1 year later and he was starting to txt me telling me how sorry he was and that he always has liked me and he is totally into me and only wants me. this went on for a few ...
A. 22 February 2010: Basically he was trying to use you. And he will try to use the next girl that comes along too. He doesn't even talk to you, so it shows how little he cares. Move on from him and enjoy your own life for now. ... (read in full...)
I'm Pregnant and he spiked my drink
Q. I'm almost 19 and I've been with my bf since the summer when we met at a festival and turns out he lives only a couple of miles away from me. Its sort of a semi-serious relationship we have. Anyhow we spend most of our time off our faces on dru...
A. 22 February 2010: A man who is secretly spiking your drink is seriously dangerous. You need to leave him. Not to put a fine point to it, but you don't know he won't poison the baby or something. You really don't know that. And apart from anything else, continue with ... (read in full...)
Will he leave me if he thinks the baby's not his?
Q. The thing is, I'm currently 37wks pregnant! I'm with my partner of 3years who I love to bits but when I fell pregnant we were going threw a bad patch and I slept with sum1 else round that time. My dr said I concieved the 25th and I slept with the ...
A. 22 February 2010: He's already said he loves you to bits. I think you have your answer.... (read in full...)
Is it really a low sex drive?
Q. Right here goes, My boyfriend tells me he has a low sex drive but our sex life is headnig down hill in my point of view. I havnt had sex for a week, even thought, he stayed round mine 3 night in a row and we only kissed occasionlly. I ha...
A. 22 February 2010: Hmm, a young man who has a low sex drive. Maybe he has a medical problem? Maybe he has lost interest. Worse still he is getting it somewhere else. Whatever the reason, you now need to tell him it is affecting your relationship and that it needs to ... (read in full...)
Reasons for painful intercourse?
Q. Hi there, I'm just looking for someones opinion on a problem I've been having. Well over the last week whenever me and my boyfriend have sex it really really hurts me. Its just when he penetrates me, and it stings like mad. During foreplay its com...
A. 22 February 2010: If this is something that has just come on, visit the doctor. ... (read in full...)
I can't come out to my parents but staying in the closet is hurting my relationship
Q. dear aunts and uncles. this is a bit long and im sorry but im having a really difficult time at the moment and would really appreciate any help that you can give me. ive been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year and a half now a...
A. 22 February 2010: You are who you are. This is who you are. Be proud of who you are. People can surprise you at times, and this may be one of those times. You will only be even more miserable if you don't tell your parents and you lose your girlfriend. So I would ... (read in full...)
I'm 16, my 46 yo relative has admitted he is in love with me
Q. im inlove with my second cousin his 46 and lives in scotland and im 16 i want my feeling to stop but recently he told me he feels the same i live in the uk he doesnt know how i feel i just want to get over him but his texts are just solidifying my ...
A. 21 February 2010: This seems like more of a mess than anything. It's more likely that this second cousin just wants to use you. I would really stay away from him. ... (read in full...)
He wants a naked picture, I am so nervous I feel I am going to puke!
Q. Okay, So this guy i have known for a couple of years, me and him have started talking... just today. and he said i had a nice body and wants a pic of me naked. i told him he probably wouldnt get it but he says that it would make him happy. should i...
A. 21 February 2010: Do not do it. Look at all those women who have done it and then found their picture on the internet. Don't do it. ... (read in full...)
I am uncomfortable with the recent increase in porn by boyfriend watches
Q. Whats the opinion on boyfriends watching porn now and again? My bf and i have been together for three years now, live together. one day last year i found in our computers history that he had searched for some porn. not just for a porn site however ...
A. 21 February 2010: A bit of porn is one thing. But to be watching it more and become worse in bed is an indication that he has an addiction. You tried to be nice and said you would prefer for him to at least delete the history. He hasn't done that. Now you need to be ... (read in full...)
Although we are FWB he brings out the needy clingy in me!
Q. i started the whole f.w.b. with a guy i had a crush on. at first we went on quite a few dates before we had sex, but soon after it was obvious he wasn't looking for a relationship. in fact as far as i know he's never been the relationship type with ...
A. 21 February 2010: The truth is, you totally fancy him. This is why fwb rarely work. One eventually falls for the other. You've fallen for him, and you're hoping he will fall for you. He won't. And I know that hurts you. He does know you're mad, but because you're a ... (read in full...)
I've been on the receiving end of a cheater!
Q. I'm open to hearing what you have to say about this. Have any of you ever had an affair, or had someone cheat on YOU yourself? If so, what was the outcome? For those having the affair, if it was found out and suddenly out in the open, which ...
A. 21 February 2010: I left her and cut all contact when she cheated on me... (read in full...)
The more money I give the more she wants
Q. Hi, everyone. I started dating my now-fiancee in April 2009. Things were great up until about May. She started asking me for money. It was small amounts at first. $50 here, $80 here, and so on. I have to be honest with myself. I never felt right ...
A. 21 February 2010: She's just a gold digger. All she wants is money. Just run as fast as you can away from her.... (read in full...)
How do I chose which guy to go for?
Q. Okay, I have 3 different guys that like me. Two of which asked me out, and you can tell the other one does, though her has a girlfriend. I was on Facebook yesterday and the question came up 'If [this person] was single, would you date him?' I said ...
A. 21 February 2010: Don't bother with the one who has a girlfriend. ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm using her a bit but my friends say just have fun...advice from the older aunt please..
Q. Hi. I don't really think that my situation is special, but I'm really just unsure of what to do. For starters, I'm 17 years old. I started seeing this girl around December of last year and she says she really likes me. We had an official ...
A. 21 February 2010: Your good friend conscience is telling you that this is wrong. Listen to it. It will have a damaging effect on her if this continues and then you decide to completely move on. You're a good guy. Stay a good guy and move on from her. your teenage ... (read in full...)
Is he just using me when he feels the urge?
Q. I had great, great sex with a guy I've met online, and we seem to get on well. After sex he doesnt just disappear but hangs around and chats, and we both feel at ease with each other. But then he disappears! I texted him after 2 days later and s...
A. 21 February 2010: This has 'married man' written all over it. Either that or he's just having sex with lots of women. ... (read in full...)
| *aringGuy's friends
These are mutual friends, so *aringGuy has
added them and they have added *aringGuy!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
