| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Should I leave my husband so I can be happy with the friend I have been in love with for years, or stay in order to keep my family together?
Q. my husband of 4 yrs had an affair with my little sister but i really do love him and we have 3 beautiful kids.On the other hand my best friend of 5 yrs told me hes tired of watching me hurt and he has always loved me just too scared that if he told ...
A. 24 February 2010: Do what makes YOU happy. Your husband had an affair with your sister, and to be honest that would be enough to make most people run a mile and never have contact again. But take things slow with this other guy, because you don't want to walk into ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend and we want to work it out but don't know how to rebuild the trust
Q. alright, my boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months now and he lives two states away. today i told him that i had cheated on him and i was wrong, yes. i want more than anything to take it back and that i was very sorry. he was extreme...
A. 24 February 2010: All you can do is continue to reassure you that you wont' do it again. And you need to listen to his suggestions too. The problem is that this is an LDR, so to work it out will be very hard. You have to be totally open with him, and just have ... (read in full...)
Why am I sabotaging my relationship?
Q. hi, I'm in a wonderful relationship, so good in fact we are getting married later this year. My problem is that recently i have been feeling down and feel that my girlfriend no longer wants me. It has got that bad that i'm now feeling angry, a...
A. 24 February 2010: This might be pre-marital nerves. Get talking to her and say that you're just feeling a little nervous about it all and need some reassurance. Get talking to her. ... (read in full...)
Please help me before I do something I regret! I'm sure he has cheated and it is driving me crazy!
Q. I have been married for about 2 years now,everything has been going very well.We loved each other like crazy,beginning of this year 2010.I started noticing my husband started to act very strange e.g when we are going to bed he will switch of his ...
A. 24 February 2010: You have the texts that prove is in contact with another women. You have the condoms he 'forgot' about. You have another text saying 'Please make sure you look good, we haven't seen each other in a long time'. Yes he's cheated, and you need to get ... (read in full...)
I hooked up with his cousin 2 years ago and now my boyfriend cant get over it!
Q. okay, so i need help! i've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now, he's everything to me. well about 2 months ago he was talking about his cousin and then showed me a picture of him.. turns out, i hooked up with his cousin like 2 years ago!! at ...
A. 24 February 2010: Give him space and let him come to terms with it. It was two years ago, and you didn't know they were related. If he can't get over something so trivial, then really he's not the guy for you. Give him space, don't hassle him and just let him come to ... (read in full...)
Is it worth pursuing a girl that's not over her ex?
Q. I know it's a general rule of thumb that pursuing a girl that is not ENTIRELY over her ex is a big no no, but I've ran into a rather precarious situation. I met this girl about 3 weeks ago and we've been talking steadily everyday online via IM for ...
A. 24 February 2010: Still a big no. I know a guy who went out with a girl who wasn't over her ex after 3 years. I told him not to, he still did. Guess what, the ex came back and she cheated and dumped him. This girl is not over her ex and is not contacting you. Let her ... (read in full...)
I have a long distance guy who I've been talking to for months, but now another guy wants to date me
Q. So I have been talking to this guy for about three months now. We are three hours from each other, and used to talk everyday at the beginning. I have recently met this guy who wants to go on a date, and I dont know what to do. ...
A. 24 February 2010: LDR's are very difficult to maintain, especially if one is not totally committed. On this occasion, you're not totally committed because if you were you wouldn't be confused. So my feelings are that you should end the LDR and date someone closer, ... (read in full...)
Is he cheating or am I being paranoid?
Q. So lately I have not been feeling very good about my boyfriends and my relationship. I feel like crying.and also I have a weird feeling that he is cheating on me. Because last week he left work and went to wendys to get some food and he ordered two ...
A. 24 February 2010: Well you made a good start by saying that you had mixed feelings. Because now he has to make an effort. Get talking to him and see what comes out. Just ask him about how he feels about it all, and in the meantime keep your eyes open for other things ... (read in full...)
She wants to talk tonight....what should I say to her?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been on a break for a week and a half. She is the one who wanted to break up for a while. I havent been texting her or calling her lately and today she said it feels like i fell off the face of the earth. She said that she ...
A. 24 February 2010: You don't need to say anything. You just need to listen. You need to listen because she was the one who wanted the break, so she is the one who has to do some explaining to do. Listen to her and what she has to say. ... (read in full...)
How do I tell her we are dating? And what do I do if she's not okay with it?
Q. I'm a sophomore in college. At the beginning of my freshman year I met this guy who was cute and really easy to talk to, there was obviously chemistry between us but we both had significant others at the time. We kind of fell out of touch because of ...
A. 24 February 2010: Two things. One, she has a boyfriend anyway. Two, she gave you her blessing when she said go for it. So it's not longer your problem. If she doesn't like it, remind her she has a boyfriend and remind her that she said you could go for it. She gave ... (read in full...)
Help, I don't love my wife but can see no way out.
Q. Please help me, I'm in despair. Im 35 years old and married to a woman I can not stand. We have 2 children aged 5 and 3 and have been together for 8 years. We are not compatable at all, I am sociable, she is not, I am fun, she is forever serious....
A. 24 February 2010: Stop with the drinking, that won't help. You've got to be strong. The law in Britain can come down very strongly on those that use their children against the partner. So record phone calls, keep messages, emails. Keep everything that shows she is ... (read in full...)
What does this mean and what should I do?
Q. Hey there. Ok so there is this guy who has been looking at me a lot in the beginning of the school year and all my friends told me that he might like me and i should give him a chance. I didnt think too much of him but all of a sudden, i started ...
A. 24 February 2010: He might just be shy, so be brave and say hello to him. Also, remember that he liked you before you liked him, so he might just be nervous that your friends were having a joke or something. Just say hello and try to get to know him.... (read in full...)
She's giving off signals that she likes me, but always uses the same excuse that she doesn't want to ruin our friendship
Q. I've got a huge lot of confusion. I've been extremely close friends with this girl I've known since we were 3 and I've always had a major crush on her. I asked her out when I was 14 and she said she didn't want to ruin the friendship....that's ...
A. 24 February 2010: She has made it clear that this will go no further than a friendship. You have to try and move on from her, so make sure you're hanging out with other people and meeting new people, and also make sure you focus on yourself and find hobbies you can ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend that I keep having moments where I really want to get pregnant?
Q. ok i have been having some moments where out of the clear blue sky i want to get pregnant and then i snap back to normal. should i tell my boyfriend about this or should i let it go and forget about it?...
A. 24 February 2010: No. It will scare him. A lot of girls go through this, it's perfectly natural. Just remember you're too young and focus on getting your life in the best place you can. ... (read in full...)
How do I get to know her better and get her to like me too?
Q. i really like a girl at my school, but i dont know her very well. shes no friends with any of my close friends, but i can tell we have a lot in common and she is the best for me out of anyone. please give me some advice for getting to know her ...
A. 24 February 2010: Go up to her and say hello, and start there. You just have to start talking to her. I've had to do it before, so I know it makes people nervous. But it's better than doing nothing and never knowing whether she would have liked you or not. Just say ... (read in full...)
A miserable and unwanted desperate wife
Q. Hello, I have been married for close to four yrs, and am very disappointed in my marriage. Since the beginning I have so miserable with my husband. We have the same age (26 yrs). My husband is a very explosive with a bad temper. When he gets mad the ...
A. 24 February 2010: You can't change him. That's the problem. You just can't. His parents actions have in effect created him. He is unwanted, and rather than try to get over it or at least come to terms with it, he is taking it out on you. His behaviour is controlling, ... (read in full...)
Is there an amount of time I should wait for his pain to subside?
Q. I really appreciate all the advice and answers that have been given. I have one more question to ask the men. If your wife slept with someone else while you while separated from each other. Could you take her back if she had changed? I made a lot of ...
A. 24 February 2010: It could take a while before he turns around. Months even before you see any change. You just have to keep gently working at turning him to your side. ... (read in full...)
Should cheaters get a second chance?
Q. I found out my boyfriend cheated on me because I checked his email. He has since then apologized, said he really wants to be with me, and has treated me much better like when we first started dating. (I knew something was different when he was with ...
A. 24 February 2010: Some people have taken a cheater back and it has worked out. More have taken a cheater back and been hurt again. It really depends on how you feel about it all, and whether you can trust him again. If you both work very hard at it, understand why he ... (read in full...)
Should I keep trying to call after the fight?
Q. My GF and I (4 years, getting shaky) had a fight via Instant Messenger (don't ask) a few days ago. I called her immediately after with no response. I waited a couple of days and called her again, today--no response all night. What's the dea...
A. 24 February 2010: Wow. I would take your side since she CHEATED and made promised that she's not kept. Come to think of if, end it anyway since she's probably cheating again anyway. There are far better women out there.... (read in full...)
My fiancee wants to go see her ex bf..without me!
Q. Okay, Never done this before but I need some advice and really want to do the RIGHT thing here. My fiance and I are due to get married this May, we love each other, care about each other, but we don't always see things in the same light. Things ...
A. 24 February 2010: Closure should happen before commitment. She should have dealt with this. You need to have another think about all this, and perhaps ask your fiance why she needs to see him anyway. ... (read in full...)
This guy just uses me and I am struggling with ending this once and for all. Advice?
Q. How can I end an on-off relationship? I really really really like this guy, but he's using me and the only thing I should do is to end it. I'm struggling to do so, and when finally do I know I'm going to struggle to get over him. Please offer any ...
A. 23 February 2010: Look at yourself in a mirror, smile and realize that you deserve better than a guy who just uses you. Ask yourself if you want to be a nobody to this guy, when you can be a someone to another guy. Then go out with some friends and just enjoy being ... (read in full...)
My fiancee wants to go see her ex bf..without me!
Q. Okay, Never done this before but I need some advice and really want to do the RIGHT thing here. My fiance and I are due to get married this May, we love each other, care about each other, but we don't always see things in the same light. Things ...
A. 23 February 2010: I don't know what other people will say, but from my point of view this seems wrong. First up, if the first thing a newly married woman wants to do when she's married is send her husband home a day early, something's wrong. And what's even more ... (read in full...)
Should I ask her to have sex?
Q. I have asked out a girl at my school, we're both 14 and if she says yes I want to ask her if she will have sex with me. Will she think it's too soon? If so should I ever ask her. But I cant help it, i masturbate over her 3 times a day and have ...
A. 23 February 2010: Apart from being illegal, it really is too soon. Keep those hormones in check young man and wait until you're in a good relationship and you're of age so you don't get arrested. ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with an emotionally hurt girlfriend?
Q. So please let me set the sence- My Gfs mother died 2 years ago, in her sleep, which obviously mortifiyed her! than 2 weeks later her than current BF hung himself! fast forward to today! the other night she was telling me what a terrible day she...
A. 23 February 2010: A bit of a nightmare, I have to say. But give her the space she needs and she'll come back. The problem was the comparison. Men who are hurt can relate to others through comparing stories. Women don't do that. They get over things by talking about ... (read in full...)
How can I make him more into me?
Q. DEAR CUPID! There's a guy at work I have been messing around with secretly for a little bit now. The thing is, he doesn't want anything serious and my problem is that I know this but still really like him... I think about him all the time .... I ...
A. 23 February 2010: If he does not want anything serious, then you are heading for a lot of hurt. He wont' suddenly change his mind about what he wants. I think it's worth asking him where he sees all this going. If he says it's nothing serious, then move on. Don't let ... (read in full...)
Devastated...my gf is flirting online! Help!
Q. Girlfriend is flirting online Today i found out an email by my gf sent to another man. asking him to visit her. and how much she is sorry for not talking to him. i was devastated because the date and the time showed was the time i am sleepin...
A. 23 February 2010: I think you need to talk to her about where you both see this relationship going. Listen to what she says. You need more facts before you can form a plan or confront her. ... (read in full...)
Dating 5 years and he never has invited me to his house to meet his roomies!
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. A year ago he moved into a house with 3 girls and 1 guy. He never once asked me what I thought about this arrangment. A year later it still bothers me and we fight about it at least once every 2 ...
A. 23 February 2010: Ask him about it. 3 girls in the same house. Either they're slobs and he doesn't want you to know them, or they're hot and he doesn't want you to know them. ... (read in full...)
Why are men so cruel when it comes to dating us curvier women?
Q. Ok..I previously posted a question...I went on a blind date with a gentlement who I was talking to for 2 weeks..we were constantly on the phone and texting galore..It felt fantastic, he learned about me and I of him... I'm not big, but I'm not a ...
A. 23 February 2010: I like my ladies curvy! There's not a thing wrong with you. Don't change for these types of men. Change for yourself if you want to and find a guy who likes you as you are.... (read in full...)
He's sending a gift to my house and I am afraid my Mum might see it!
Q. my long distance boyfriend is sending a gift to my house through the post and i`m worried it might be something sexy like a thong or something and that my mum will see it. he said that he hasn`t put his name on it but he would love to see me wearing ...
A. 23 February 2010: This seems really unsafe to me. Do you know is age for real? Have you seen him? ... (read in full...)
Should I be leery of my boyfriend after all he's done?
Q. Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now with a break. the break was caused because i had been told he was talking to girls online seductively, so i went online on a fake account and he then did things on webcam etc. thi...
A. 23 February 2010: This is very suspicious. The holding hands during the break is one thing. But all the mysterious calls are another. I would ask him to explain them and tell him that they both you a bit.... (read in full...)
Does my ex girlfriend still have feelings for me?
Q. So me and my ex broke up 6 months ago and just recently during christmas break she came down(she lives in SF and I live in OC) and I went to her parents house to visit her within an hour she wanted me to leave because she couldn't be around me or ...
A. 23 February 2010: She's not interested. She has another boyfriend and would have chosen you if she really wanted to. ... (read in full...)
I just hate the fact that my ex saw I was unhappy with my new man!
Q. A few years ago I was in a serious relationship with a guy, I was in love with him and he made out he was in love with me and serious about me we were together for 3years. anyway things changed and he seemed distant from me I always asked what was ...
A. 23 February 2010: This is because you were in way looking for some revenge to make him feel bad. They say that if you look for revenge you need to dig two graves, one for the person you want revenge on and one for yourself in case it comes back to you. That sounds ... (read in full...)
The man I had an affair with has called me 8 months after it ended, should I call him back?
Q. I need help! the guy i was having an affair wtih for the pass 3 years called me last night. We haven't spoken in almost 8 months. I don't know if I should call him back! What to do what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
A. 23 February 2010: Either divorce your husband for this man. Or stop contact with this man and spend time with your husband. Because at some point you will lose both men and wind up with nothing. Pick one or the other. You can't have both. ... (read in full...)
Is silence the best thing here or should I just confront him?
Q. My ex and I dated for about 3 years. In those 3 years we've had our ups and downs. Those downs and break ups largely in fact all to his part. He has cheated, broken up with me, treated me bad and all, then come back, beg do the same thing ...
A. 23 February 2010: Don't waste time confronting him. You'll just be opening yourself up. Don't contact him at all. Accept he is a liar and a cheat and never bother with him again. He won't change, even if you do tell him. He won't care and will just laugh at you. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal that I need at least an hour before I can get another erection?
Q. Hi Im with a new partner now, and things are going well. However, she is very demanding in the bedroom. When ive orgasmed i need at least an hour before i can get another erection, if weve had lots of sex the night before it might be two hou...
A. 23 February 2010: It can be at your age. It might be worth talking to the doctor about it though, just in case there's anything wrong. I'm sure there's nothing wrong. ... (read in full...)
I love her to pieces but she is losing all her friends over a guy!
Q. Everyone knows that when a couple gets together at first they can't be separated right? Like as people call it " The HoneyMoon stage " Well My used to be best friend is going through that stage and is losing all her friends. She started seeing this ...
A. 23 February 2010: This is the time to just step back. It sounds like they're still past the honeymoon stage and are just desperate to make this work now. It won't work out, and when it doesn't she'll need someone to cry to. Just step back, let her do her own thing ... (read in full...)
What's the etiquette for "friends with benefits"?
Q. I suppose it's a little late to ask this question since I'm already sleeping with the guy, but hey. Better late than never. I met him at a show about a month ago and we found each other physically attractive. He lives about three hours away from me ...
A. 23 February 2010: Some guys like to have a fwb that they can also do a few things with as well. Not all, but some do. This guy just sounds like he likes your company for a while. If you're happy with it, then go for it. But be aware that should you fall for him more, ... (read in full...)
I have discovered my mother has left my sister everything in her will, this is the final straw after the years of abuse my mother gave me as a child
Q. I have just discovered a will my mother has made 2 years ago. she has left my sister everything, lot of land, large house, money and everything that she owns. she has left me her share in a piece of land that there is a legal battle to ownership ...
A. 23 February 2010: I also feel it is time to leave your mother to her own devices. My mother was treated appallingly by her mother and cut all contact. Let's just hope your sister is kind to you. If not, drag it through court and get what you're entitled to. I'm not ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a man to love his wife but still have a wandering eye?
Q. Is it possible for a man to love his wife but still have a wandering eye? If the man is so satisfied at home...why would he look at other women? Does it boost his ego or is it just a male testosterone...being a hot blooded male that he can't...
A. 23 February 2010: A male will always look at an attractive female whether married or not, just as a woman will always look at an attractive man (think of all those women who have crushes on actors and such). But if a man loves you, he won't cheat at all. ... (read in full...)
What did he mean when he said he doesn't want me to be his rebound girl as it would not be fair on me?
Q. Ive recently been getting close to a guy I have known for a while. We have been flirting and I will admit that I like him a lot. He broke up with his ex before Christmas but he said that he didnt want me to be his rebound girl as it wouldnt be fa...
A. 23 February 2010: It means that he's not over the break up and doesn't want to commit to any woman at this time. He's doing you a big favour and has been very honest, which means he's a decent guy. If he comes back in a few months, and is over his ex, then maybe ... (read in full...)
We have been together 2 years but she wont give up her boyfriend because she wants kids of her own
Q. ok i have a girlfriend who also has a boyfriend. me and her have been going out for just about 2 years now and now want her all to myself. i have tried to tell her that i dont want to share her with anyone anymore but she said that she wants k...
A. 23 February 2010: My advice is to get away from her. She wants kids? Why not from you? And if she always wants a man in her life and thinks that kids are the answer, that's a really big Red Flag. Run a mile.... (read in full...)
Should I keep trying to call after the fight?
Q. My GF and I (4 years, getting shaky) had a fight via Instant Messenger (don't ask) a few days ago. I called her immediately after with no response. I waited a couple of days and called her again, today--no response all night. What's the dea...
A. 23 February 2010: Give it another couple of days, then if she hasn't responded send a letter to her. If she still hasn't responded after that, let her do some running after you. ... (read in full...)
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