| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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She never says anything bad about her husband. Will she ever leave him for me?
Q. I have been dating a married women for some time she says she is leaving her husband but when. She tells me she has no feelings for him. She also says that she has told him already and she says she is not leaving him because of me. She say he is ...
A. 25 February 2010: No, she won't leave. She has too much to lose and is just using you. Better to move on and find a woman who does love you. ... (read in full...)
My husband has cheated in the past and now I think he may be having another affair!
Q. I hope you can help me I have been married for 22 years and have 2 teenage children. I think my husband is having an affair he is very secretive with his phone I have found txt messages he has sent to a woman he denies everything. He has had an ...
A. 25 February 2010: I think you need a little more proof. To be honest, I would say that it does sound like he's cheating again. But you need more proof than just a few texts, so do a bit more digging before you confront him again. If it does turn out that he's ... (read in full...)
Hung out with my cousin and my boyfriend is pissed I didn't beg him to come.
Q. This may seem trivial but my boyfriend is making a massive deal about it. My cousin is here form overseas and i want to spend as much time as possible with her as i have not seen her for 6 years. i invited my boyfriend to go karting, ice ska...
A. 25 February 2010: Your boyfriend is clearly pathetic. At 24, he can make his own damn decisions. He has no right to be angry with you at all since you put all that effort in. He's an immature little boy who is too used to getting his own way when he wants it. If I ... (read in full...)
Troubles at work, and I can't quit!
Q. My boss hates me! I just started working at Taco Bell because Im a 21 yr old college student and I needed a job with flexible hours plus I have two out of country trips so I need a flexible job. Ok so here's the problem. The hiring manager w...
A. 25 February 2010: See if you can report her for this to another manager or someone even further up. And don't be afraid to have a real go at her if she has a go at you either. That's hard, but I did it once and it calmed my boss down. She's just a bully. ... (read in full...)
On again, off again boyfriend doesn't feel like the one.
Q. me and my boyfriend been together for 2 years and 4 months and we been on an off for like a year now and im wondering should i call it a quits now after so many breakups?...
A. 25 February 2010: Then he's not the one. You just keep getting together and breaking up. If he was the 'one', it wouldn't be happening like this. You've got a lot more life to live yet, so end it with this guy, really focus on yourself and one day you will find the ... (read in full...)
Oh NO! I think my crush might be gay!
Q. I think my crush is gay. How do I ask him? He has become a very good friend and if he is gay, I would still continue to be his friend, I just do not want to offend (? i'm not sure how he will react, we have mutual acquaintances that are gay, so I ...
A. 25 February 2010: If you have a crush on him, why don't you strike up a conversation about whether he has a girlfriend or not?... (read in full...)
I've lost the urge to have sex with my boyfriend
Q. I dont get aroused or excited by my boyfriend of eight years we have a five year old son and it seems the enchantment to be next to him and the need for sexual gratification has become harder to deal with because I always want it but not from him. i ...
A. 25 February 2010: Perhaps the problem is that you have become too used to him, and need to address issues in your relationship. If you're spending too much time with him as a friend and not a woman, then you're naturally going to see him more as a friend. Time to ... (read in full...)
She is expressing interest in me but already has a boyfriend
Q. Well i got on facebook last week and a girl i used to be friends with before graduation but had a falling out with decided to message me because of a conversation i was having with someone in a post. She more or less admitted she had always had a ...
A. 25 February 2010: Say you're not interested. This is a girl who doesn't know what she wants at all, and will most likely hurt you. Cut it off now before you get really hurt.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend knows I get violent when I drink, is he being inconsiderate by planning a birthday party?
Q. Hello, I am currently dating someone who can drink socially,without getting crazy. However, I can't. He knows this, and discourages me from drinking because it always ends up with me saying hurtful things to him, and sometimes even violence. ...
A. 25 February 2010: No, he's not. He's not the one who turns violent, and it's his birthday party, alongside someone else. You'll just have to not drink. It's a good test. You can't just expect him to suddenly stop drinking when you're the one who turns violent. And ... (read in full...)
My boyfriends parents wont let him come and see me
Q. So there's this guy I really like. He lives 2 hours away and his parents wont let him drive down to see me. He told me he likes me so much. We don't know what to do because we want to be together but we wont be able to see each other. We don't know ...
A. 25 February 2010: It depends how old he is. If he is over 18, he can make his own decision. If not, it makes it a bit more difficult. You need to find out why they won't let him see you. ... (read in full...)
My ex is dating somebody else, should I fight for him?
Q. I liked a guy for 2 years and we dated for 6 months. I just recently found out that a montha and a half before we broke up he was talking to the girl he is dating now. I still love him and I don't know what to do. Do I fight for him?...
A. 25 February 2010: He's made his decision. He's not the guy for you, he is now dating another girl. If you start to try and chase him now, you will appear desperate. His decision was that he was not the one for you, so he is seeing someone else. Move on and find a guy ... (read in full...)
Should I go out with my ex boyfriend who lied to me about having cancer and is a lier?
Q. Let me say the basic im a 15 year old girl when i was 14 i went out with an 18 year old he was a sweet heart nice,sweet,kind and all other good stuff one bad thing about him is that he lies alot about things that are important like him having brain ...
A. 25 February 2010: Have nothing else to do with him AT ALL. He lied about cancer, he lied about cheating. What else will he lie about? And what happens one day when he doesn't lie? You don't need a pathological liar like this guy in your life at all. Don't settle for ... (read in full...)
Everything I have done has been for him, now I find he is having an affair
Q. I found out very recently that my husband was having an affair for the last 6 months. I am not sure if I can forgive him or ever trust him again. It's not like it was a one time thing. He wasn't even the one to tell me, I had to find out when I ...
A. 25 February 2010: Relationships are about give and take. To me, this sound like you giving and him taking everything. You certainly deserve better treatment. The issue is that you're now living for him rather than yourself. you do everything for him, wait on him hand ... (read in full...)
Is that weird that I want to try anal sex?
Q. okay, this one is a bit different, I want a woman's opinion. As I said before, I'm 17 years old and a virgin and I don't plan on having sex untill I'm married. But I've always wanted to try anal with who my future wife will be, but I don't want to ...
A. 25 February 2010: Not really. It's a normal fantasy. Just remember that for about 95% of women it's painful and something they don't want to do, so have respect for that. ... (read in full...)
Sould I stop talking to this married man for good?
Q. Hey, I need your help. Please don't be so mean against me when you read my story, because we all make bad choices and I never planned on being with a married man nor do,I want to break up anyone's marriage. So, here's the story. Some years bac...
A. 25 February 2010: Simply put, he is a liar and a cheat. The reason he is co uncaring is because you had the nerve to turn him down when he was married. Now he's just a git and is STILL married to his wife, surprise. Yes, cut all contact. You won't be happy unless you ... (read in full...)
Mr X and Mr Y both want to be "my guy"
Q. I recently dumped my long term boyfriend at the beginning of this year. I then got together on the 'rebound' with Mr X which i ended up quite fancying. We had a brief fling which fizzled out, which I didn't want to but started moving on anyway. I ...
A. 25 February 2010: To be honest, neither of these guys are right for you. Your fling with Mr X was a rebound that fizzled out before you had gotten over your ex, you then went on to Mr Y who you obviously care about even less than Mr X, so he's not the guy. And to top ... (read in full...)
I can't work out my boyfriend's brother
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years now, and i moved in with his parents and his brother 1 year ago.I think that his brother likes me but i hope I'm just being paranoid. Every time he gets drunk he finds a way to come talk to me and ...
A. 25 February 2010: You're not being paranoid. He is crossing the line. The alcohol doesn't make it easier, but it's worth telling him what he is doing and that he needs to stop. If he doesn't then tell your boyfriend ... (read in full...)
Please someone help, I'm scared I'll fall pregnant!
Q. please somebody, im begging you for urgent help :( im due on my period on the 3rd march, but tonight (23rd) i had sex with my partner and for some stupid reason i had unprotected sex with him - we never do, please don't ask my why :( he didnt pul...
A. 25 February 2010: morning after pill as quickly as possible, then talk to the doctor about going on the contraceptive pill as well.... (read in full...)
How do I go about being friends again without things feeling awkward?
Q. Ok there's this guy that I've like forever and we've been friends forever and it seems that i've liked him forever too. But a friend blabbed a few years ago and now things are really awkward between me and this guy especially as we used to be really ...
A. 25 February 2010: In a situation like this, it takes a face to face talk to work out what to do. That means you need to speak to him and tell him that you have noticed you have drifted apart as friends and you'd like to be a closer friend again. He'll either go for ... (read in full...)
Can I get back with someone who cheated on me?
Q. (Mod note: Title set by the poster) Recently, I discovered that my girlfriend of 5 years had cheated on me. I left, of course, and moved out of state. Here's the problem, She is telling me that she is going to do everything to make things right wi...
A. 25 February 2010: First of all she needs to tell you why she cheated. Before you can make any decision, you need to know why. After that, the decision can become a bit easier because you will know whether it was something that she really didn't mean, or something she ... (read in full...)
He's not sure if I'm "the one yet" but I'm sure - and ready for marriage.
Q. My boyfriend (28) and I (24), have been together for almost 3 years. We have not had any major issues, or separated within that time. Aside from the few pet peeves, we get along very well. I have expressed to him that I am ready for marria...
A. 25 February 2010: Really, after 3 years a man should know whether he wants to commit to you or not. And this is what your family have seen too. All right, men can take their time in making this kind of a decision. But 3 years is frankly enough time. This sounds more ... (read in full...)
I've not heard anything... am I being paranoid?
Q. I recently took a great woman out on a date on Sunday and had an amazing time. We both fell into easy conversation and tentatively planned on going out swing dancing the following Friday night. I waited until Tuesday night to give her a call about ...
A. 25 February 2010: Call her again and leave a message. Try again on Thursday if you get no response. After that leave it and let her get into contact with you. ... (read in full...)
Got contact but what should I do next?
Q. I used to know this girl, but havent talked to her in months, and we just started talking again on facebook. She said we should chill sometime and catch up, so i asked her for her number and i got it... now what?...
A. 25 February 2010: Now text her and ask her if she'd like to catch up at the weekend or something. Ask her for a coffee, get talking to her. ... (read in full...)
It's over and I'm so miserable...
Q. Hi I've been reading the stories on here and i know i'm not the only one but i feel so alone I had to move away to find work, i managed to get a great job which i love. the man i work closely with became a very close friend, we share the same v...
A. 24 February 2010: But do you have the same values? After all, he cheated on his wife rather than fix the marriage. And is he happy since he had the affair? Not likely. And did it go beyond sex for him? No, it didn't. It did for you, but not for him. Don't fall for ... (read in full...)
Do I have a chance with my best friend?
Q. do i still have a chance with the girl i am in love with even though she considers me her bestfriend...
A. 24 February 2010: You won't know unless you talk to her about it. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. It's worth a try though. ... (read in full...)
My husband isn't interested sexually in me anymore. What should I do?
Q. What could be wrong with my husband ,and what am I suppose to do? I;m in my late forties, looking 30 something ,taking care of myself... But my husband just does not care about me,as a sexual being. I m totally frustrated, because I just don't get ...
A. 24 February 2010: He may have erectile dysfunction and not want to say anything to you. You need to take a chance and tell him that unless things change, you will have to leave. And you need to mean it. Because if things don't change you'll end up leaving anyway, and ... (read in full...)
Does my ex still want me in spite of our current relationships with other people?
Q. Just after some advice really. Known my ex-girlfriend since 2005, split in 2006 because she still had feelings for her ex-boyfriend. However shortly after this we had sex on 2 occasions after a few too many beers Since then I've been married and now ...
A. 24 February 2010: If she is single, tell her how you feel. If she is not, don't. ... (read in full...)
Am I reading into things wrong? Is he into me or not?
Q. Hi Guys Looking for a bit of advice, sorry if its long winded. Basically I have been good friends with this guy for nearly ten years, and during this time I have been married and divorced, and he is now engaged. It has always (apparently) been...
A. 24 February 2010: If he really has feelings for you, not that you're single he will come to you. Do not tell him, because it's more likely he'll just use you both. If he has a thing, if he likes you that much, he will come. If not, then he doesn't like you as much as ... (read in full...)
The "pull out" method!
Q. My b/f and me were doing it doggie style and he always pulls out and relieves himself on the outside. Last night he pulled out but then he shot his stuff all over the outside of my privates. I asked him why he did that and he said he gets turned ...
A. 24 February 2010: You will get pregnant very shortly if you continue with this. Men also have precum which has sperm in it, and it comes out before they ejaculate. ... (read in full...)
Should I keep him?
Q. I dated my fiance for 1 year before he proposed on Valentines day last year. Since then there has been internet sex flirtations that I found and he agreed that this was over and he'd never do anything like that again. Since then we have purchased ...
A. 24 February 2010: 'Just something he needed to get out of his system'. That's one of the worst excuses I've heard. And this is now the second time that it has happened. Red flag. And the fact that all he can say is you need to put it behind you is an even bigger red ... (read in full...)
Help! Is this emotional abuse?
Q. I've been in a relationship for 2 years now. The first year was wonderful. Then from one to the next day everything changed. If i have a concern. And i come about it in a respectable way like foe expl.: i feel that....., or dont you think that.......
A. 24 February 2010: Unless he is willing to deal with problems without blaming you and hurting you, then there really isn't much else you can do other than tell him that unless he listens you'll have to leave. And if he still doesn't listen, do just that. Don't sit ... (read in full...)
Why is it only the mans biology that's considered when discussing porn in relationships?
Q. Okay, so there's lots of questions here about men and porn, and relationships being destroyed over it. But what i'd really like to know here, is why it's only mens feelings and biology considered? So men are more sexually driven than women, they are ...
A. 24 February 2010: Actually I have found that women are as visual and as sexual as men. My girlfriend is. She doesn't watch porn, but God knows when Daniel Craig comes on TV it's like watching a school girl crush all over again. I used to watch porn sometimes, but ... (read in full...)
I leant on my lower tummy, do you think my baby is OK?
Q. Hi I'm 11 weeks pregnant and i stupidly leant on my lower tummy trying to close a window with my feet in the air. I am not a light girl but being healthy now cos of the pregnancy, mind i should have worked on being healthy before but what's done ...
A. 24 February 2010: I'm sure you'll be fine. But if you feel anything is wrong, don't be afraid to go to the doctor. ... (read in full...)
My online guy says he loves me all the time, how can I know he's being sincere?
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy I met online. I have met him in person and it's completely amazing how much we get a long. He said he loved me even before we met (talking for a few months, phone webcam) and I kind of took it with ...
A. 24 February 2010: The red flag here is that you've not met other than online. So how can he know he loves you? He may only love this imaginary image of you. If you met, he may not love you. The point is, before he can make any good decision, he needs to see you and ... (read in full...)
I need relationship advice fast. Please ... :(
Q. Ok, so me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 and a half years. We both love eachother but she lies to me so much about such little things for no reason. Well, anyway the big problem is today she said she was going to meet another guy and how ...
A. 24 February 2010: I wouldn't have a girl like this in my life. She said she was going to meet a guy and she said that she was sleeping with a load of people before everything turned physical. You don't know she loves you at all. She doesn't. If she loved you she ... (read in full...)
Can precum on fingers cause pregnancy through clothing?
Q. If precum (I think it was, it could have been rainwater) soaked very little through my pants and got on my fingers from readjusting myself, and I subsequently went on to rub my girlfriend from outside her panties and pants, is there a possibility ...
A. 24 February 2010: I don't think there's a chance at all. ... (read in full...)
It makes me nervous for him to touch me ...i dunno if I should let him...?
Q. me and my boyfriend Fraser are always together at school and we always hug and stuff but he always has his arm around me and touches my arse and touches my tits and tickles my arse too. but i feel nervous when he does it. it may be natural for him ...
A. 24 February 2010: If it makes you feel nervous, it means that you're not really ready for it all. So be brave and gently tell him that though you love him, you don't feel comfortable with him touching you in those areas. If he dumps you just because of that, then ... (read in full...)
How to approach my threesome fantasy again without seeming pushy?
Q. dear cupid i have a fantasy having a threesome with my wife i spoke to her and she willing to do but she hasnt mentioned it again how can i approach the subject again without it looking im pushing the subject ????? ...
A. 24 February 2010: I'm not sure she does want to do it. Maybe leave it as a fantasy. ... (read in full...)
I'm not getting any pleasure from sex! Is it me or is it him?
Q. Ok, basically ive been with this gorgeous guy for 7 months and ive started having sex with him...it was both our first's and so it was really important to me. We have been doing it for 3 months now, but im still getting nothing out of it! Im not ...
A. 24 February 2010: Neither. Like all women, you need to know about your own body and what you like before he can know what pleasures you. It's not a case of either you being wrong. It's a case that you both need to just spend time experimenting until you find what ... (read in full...)
What can I do to cheer her up and make her laugh or smile?
Q. My girlfriend been sad for about a day now, and I've tried many possible way to make her smile and laugh but It just doesn't seem to work. She seem to always be down and she seem to always be sad. The way she talks to me tell me that something in ...
A. 24 February 2010: You're obviously a great guy, but you're still young and need to learn one fundamental thing about women. They want to be listened to, and they want to know that you're just there. When men are down, jokes and stories and doing things helps. When ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my husband so I can be happy with the friend I have been in love with for years, or stay in order to keep my family together?
Q. my husband of 4 yrs had an affair with my little sister but i really do love him and we have 3 beautiful kids.On the other hand my best friend of 5 yrs told me hes tired of watching me hurt and he has always loved me just too scared that if he told ...
A. 24 February 2010: Do what makes YOU happy. Your husband had an affair with your sister, and to be honest that would be enough to make most people run a mile and never have contact again. But take things slow with this other guy, because you don't want to walk into ... (read in full...)
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