| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Pregnant and scared my daughter will feel left out once the new baby comes along...
Q. I've just found out that im pregnant and i feel really guilty bout it. Im 28 and i have a 5 yr old daughter already from a previous 5 yr relationship. Ive been single for 3 yrs so its just been me and my daughter weve done so much together she such ...
A. 26 February 2010: The important thing is that you involve your daughter with your new baby. Make sure she gets to hold the baby with you, help you feed it, things like that. And make sure she helps with all the preparations beforehand too. Sibling rivalry tends to ... (read in full...)
Just found out my boyfriend is leading a double life!
Q. This year I discovered that my boyfriend has been living a double life - a secret life - with another girl in a long distance relationship. Could be more than one girl, but ONE I know about anyway. He's a compulsive time keeper and was so good ...
A. 26 February 2010: He just likes using women. Thankfully you've found out, so you can now make the right decision and move on from him. This has nothign at all to do with you, and certainly doens't mean you're a bad girlfriend or anything like that. Truth is you're ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a seperate mobile phone just for his ex!
Q. Hi, I posted on here before and got some really helpful answers. I've been on a few dates with a guy who has been in touch with his ex since they split up last March. He says they had an argument a couple of weeks ago and haven't spoken since but ...
A. 26 February 2010: He's not over her. Move on now before you get really hurt.... (read in full...)
Do I tell her that I am still in love with her after all these years?
Q. I am having a bit off a tough time...I'm a male, 42, and still keep in touch with my ex-fiancee, who is now married for 2 yrs with a new baby...the problem is we have been broken up for 7 years now. However, during this entire time, we have always ...
A. 26 February 2010: She's married and has a baby. If you say anything, you will be seen as really bad. Tell her nothing. Your friends are right. They can see all the problems. You need to move on.... (read in full...)
Is it ok that I have protected sex with people when I am not in a relationship?
Q. im currently single so im just having fun, but do u think its ok that i have protected sex with people? the only reason i ask is because my friends say im dirty but i dont have one night stands after a night out, i know the people i have sex with....
A. 26 February 2010: So long as you're safe, and you are happy, there is no problem. It's more likely your friends are jealous. Just don't tell them about the fun you have, so then they can't get to you. ... (read in full...)
We split up because he doesn't know what he wants, so should I stick around to find out or leave now?
Q. Im about one month pregnant me and my boyfriend are still living together but we broke up because he doesnt know what he wants. when his ex found out about me a year ago she started to call him more and more maybe because she didnt want him with my ...
A. 26 February 2010: Let him go. He is clearly still attracted to his ex. If he loved you, he would be with you and nothing would stop that. Find a guy who does love you. ... (read in full...)
Should I give them the money despite working so hard to save it to make myself more financially stable?
Q. Hi I'm facing a dilemma here. After leaving an abusive relationship of five years (which also ruined me financially; also during this time the situation was so unstable I was moving from job to job, state to state and just handing over my paychecks) ...
A. 26 February 2010: NO WAY. I have a father just like this. He charges rent, then moans that it's not enough, casually forgetting that he wants to retire early and has already taken lower hours. It's very easy for those around you to say give them the money. But you ... (read in full...)
Should I give them the money despite working so hard to save it to make myself more financially stable?
Q. Hi I'm facing a dilemma here. After leaving an abusive relationship of five years (which also ruined me financially; also during this time the situation was so unstable I was moving from job to job, state to state and just handing over my paychecks) ...
A. 26 February 2010: NO WAY. I have a father just like this. He charges rent, then moans that it's not enough, casually forgetting that he wants to retire early and has already taken lower hours. It's very easy for those around you to say give them the money. But you ... (read in full...)
My previous boss wont leave me alone and wants sex with me!
Q. Howdy all well se i have been married for about 12 years now. I did make a mistake a few years ago i slept with my boss. Now he keeps on phoning me and tells me he missed me. me and my husband moved a few months ago to another city somehow he moved ...
A. 26 February 2010: Make sure the numbers are changed, and make sure you continue to look for a new job. Next he phones, tell him you will have him done for sexual harassment if he continues. If he is married, it is highly unlikely that he will say anything. You are ... (read in full...)
I keep upsetting my work colleagues.
Q. Hello.l I am a female office worker who just cannot seem to get on with her colleagues mostly when it comes to interpersonal relationships at work, although I still socialise with them outside work sometimes. Don;t get me wrong, I have lots of ...
A. 26 February 2010: Perhaps you have a lot going on in your life, such as all your hobbies, that you expect people to be just like you. Active, and very hard working. So when something doesn't' work out, naturally you feel frustrated. And as you say, perhaps there it ... (read in full...)
Is there a way to convince him I am NOT nuts?
Q. I seem to have a problem with self body image and trust. I was seeing this guy who I really like. He is very funny, sweet, smart and honesty sexy as hell. I am attractive to many people but I am not a twig. I am a real sized woman. He never ...
A. 26 February 2010: Try phoning and leaving a message just asking to talk to him about what happened. Or if you know his address write a letter or something like that. ... (read in full...)
If you have genital herpes, should you expect to be alone or hope that someone will accept you?
Q. Should a person with genital herpes expect someone to accept them or should they expect to be alone?...
A. 26 February 2010: Of course they shouldn't expect to be alone. Official figures show that 25% of sexually active people have herpes. That's one in four! So it's far more common that it appears, and can be treated, though not cured. There will be some people who are ... (read in full...)
I like this girl but need help approaching her!
Q. )I like this girl would like to get to know her more as only get the chance to say hi and chat on facebook. if there was anything ever to bcome im abit worryed because i know her dad very well they run a shop in the town and her dad and friends ...
A. 26 February 2010: Well you won't know how she feels unless you really get to know her. So next time you're chatting over facebook, ask her if she'd like to meet up some time. You'll soon know where you stand. ... (read in full...)
When will enough be enough?
Q. (Mod note: Titled by poster) Hi I hope i dont come accross as some sad case here. But im really struggling. I need to know how to move on from an ex, this has been going on for near enough 3.5 years now. I love him with all my heart and i do ...
A. 26 February 2010: The problem is that your own emotions are so all over the place you can't see this guy isn't worth your time and that you deserve better. You're in love with a guy who cheated on you and treated you badly at the worst possible time. He doesn't ... (read in full...)
I cheated. What can I do to try and fix things?
Q. Recently, i cheated on my boyfriend with his bestfriend, i feel really guilty about it and made up a different excuse to split up with him, his friend is acting like nothing has happened what can i do?...
A. 26 February 2010: Don't go back to either guy. You can't fix something like this without someone finding out what happened. If you try to go back to your boyfriend and his friend lets it slip, you're ion trouble. And if you cheated in the first place, your ex is not ... (read in full...)
My ex keeps contacting me, when he was a total jerk!
Q. If anyone can give me their opinion? I broke up with my ex about 5 months go. He met someone else and i found out about it. However, many times he would try to speak to me again just when I was starting to move on. I would ignore his communication ...
A. 26 February 2010: He's just a selfish, self centred little boy. And now you know you need to continue to ignore him. However, before you you do tell him you never want to hear from him again, tell him about the account and that you know what he is really upto and ... (read in full...)
Two guys one choice to make.
Q. Hello, A = Boyfriend(about 7 years) B = ex (known each other for 12 years, dated 5 months in high school, on/off for the past 3 years. I wanted to break up with A because I realized that he's probably not the right one for me. In addition to...
A. 26 February 2010: 1) - A already knows that's over and has moved on.
2) - It is not A's job to get in touch. You called the break, you#re now with someone else. Personally I think you're better just leaving it. Focus on your new relationship. ... (read in full...)
Will this guy give me a hard time at school after what happened in the bathroom?
Q. I just need some advice, How do i deal with people who accuse me of something really random, like walking into a room where they are gith in front of you, and they say 'what you looking at' and start getting defensive, something like that happened ...
A. 26 February 2010: This is something you don't really need to worry about. If he does say anything, just say he flashed to you. ... (read in full...)
I am financially supporting my ex. Should I stop now before I get hurt again?
Q. I need help on this!i was in a relationship with someone whom i loved..we are both born again bt he break up with me after he told me he never loved me he loves other girls and infact GOD didnt tell him to marry me..even though it was hard for me 2 ...
A. 26 February 2010: Wake up young lady. No disrespect, but you're a bit naive if you think he wants anything other than to use you for money. I know that hurts, but you need to hear it because you are wasting time and money on a man who doesn't care for you at all (he ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants a break, yet she insists on us hanging out. What should I do?
Q. So me and my girlfriend have been on a break for a month. So within that one month, I've tried leaving her alone, and just focus on improving myself as a person. Not just for her, but for me too. When she first wanted to go on a break, she said ...
A. 26 February 2010: This sounds to me like you're being kept on a leash. Don't ignore her, but explain to her that she wanted a break, and since she is continually then meeting with you and saying that she hasn't missed you, you have decided not to meet up until she is ... (read in full...)
Ex contacts me after months. What could she want?
Q. Hello all My ex split from me 2 months ago after a 3 year relationship. Since then I have not contacted her at all to try and heal. In that time it was her birthday and i still stayed strong and didn't contact her to say happy birthday Toda...
A. 26 February 2010: I am a firm believer that ex's should be left in the past. There are too many emotions and too much history here to make it worth your while. First of all, she may not want you back at all, in which case you'll end up hurt. Or, she does want to get ... (read in full...)
Ex contacts me after months. What could she want?
Q. Hello all My ex split from me 2 months ago after a 3 year relationship. Since then I have not contacted her at all to try and heal. In that time it was her birthday and i still stayed strong and didn't contact her to say happy birthday Toda...
A. 26 February 2010: I am a firm believer that ex's should be left in the past. There are too many emotions and too much history here to make it worth your while. First of all, she may not want you back at all, in which case you'll end up hurt. Or, she does want to get ... (read in full...)
Should I go out on a date with my friend in spite of being married?
Q. i am married but i want to be with my friend and he wants to be with me but i don't think it will lead to sex should i go out on a date with him or not? I mean i am not saying I don't want have sex with him I do but we are both a bit more mature ...
A. 26 February 2010: It will lead straight to sex. One way or another, you'll end up cheating. So make a decision. Either go home and work on your marriage, which clearly needs work. Or file for divorce and go out with this guy. But don't play both sides. Because when ... (read in full...)
Should I get my friend to ask him if he likes me?
Q. there is this guy who goes my kickboxing aged 15-16 and i have fancied him for ever /well since i met him lol\ hes started to notice me more as time has gone on. the lats time i went kickboxing he kept trying to stand next to me when we where in ...
A. 26 February 2010: When I like someone, I always tell them myself. I always have done. The reason is that it's so much more personal and believable if you do it yourself. No one wants to hear it from a third person, because it could be a joke. If you like this guy, do ... (read in full...)
Advice for getting back to dating after harsh breakup.
Q. I spent a long time getting over a bad break up which hurt me alot and I still can't think about. I've recently met someone at a party; we hit it off and now we've been texting. He wants to meet me, but the problem is I'm terrified of what other ...
A. 26 February 2010: So agree to meet him, but take it slow. Just go out for a drink and start to get to know him. Take your time over it. Ask him about himself and let him ask you questions too. You'll regret not going out if you find out he is a good guy and wouldn't ... (read in full...)
Shaken trust from the past now has to face boyfriend betraying me
Q. Iv been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months, moved cities to be with him ( I live on my own, he still lives at home. We are 22 and 24). Before the relationship became official, I saw him texting his ex. I told him im not comfortable with whomever ...
A. 26 February 2010: He said he would end contact. He didn't. He said it again. He didn't. He has gone to his own dating profile that he said he hadn't visited. He then said he had 'forgotten'. He also looks at his ex on facebook a lot. When you read back your post, you ... (read in full...)
He's married, could he be interested?
Q. I'm not interested in getting with a married man, but I am wondering what his behavior means so that I know how to act accordingly (if its friendliness, I'll continue to be friendly, if its interest, I'll know to show him that I'm not going to be ...
A. 25 February 2010: He probably does like you, but he hasn't made a move, and hopefully won't. And if he does, you know not to do anything because he'll only use you. ... (read in full...)
Our non existant sex life post abortion
Q. Hello again. I wrote previously about my abortion (see my other question - to those who responded it was much appreciated). This is a bit of a follow up but I am asking for help and advice again. I went through with the abortion last Saturday. ...
A. 25 February 2010: You're not being selfish at all. You've been through a traumatic experience and need love and care. The problem with things like abortions and miscarriages is that naturally all the care gravitates towards the woman, who was carrying the baby. You ... (read in full...)
Please help me before I make the greatest mistake in life
Q. There is a girl i love, i stay in different country from her. I meet on dating site just 4 months before i travel back to my country to meet her. The first day we sex she get pregnant, now i am back to the country i work. And i do not intend to ge...
A. 25 February 2010: You can't just play with her feelings. If you don't want to marry her, then don't marry her. But make sure you support the child. You don't want to be seen as a bad father.... (read in full...)
Why am I losing weight? And how do I get back to my old weight?
Q. hey guys i have notice lately that i dont eat as much. my mum and my boyfriend told me that im losing so much weight. i dont think that i have eating disorder but why am i losing weight i use to be 47kg, size 8 and now i weight 43kg size 6. how cn i ...
A. 25 February 2010: You might want to go to the doctor and have yourself checked out in case there are any problems you're suffering from. And while you're there, you can ask him/her what you can do to get your weight back up again safely. ... (read in full...)
Should I be friends with him after he hurt me so badly?
Q. So I'll try and make this short. I was in a very long term, happy relationship. We split up amicably-ish about 5 months ago. He hooked up with an idiot of a girl straight after. She is such a loser! Amongst many idiotic things she does, she cons...
A. 25 February 2010: Don't bother. Let him have the loser. You focus on your own life. ... (read in full...)
After our troublesome trip to Mexico I think our relationship might be over
Q. I got back from a 5 day trip to Mexico with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago. I have barely seen or spoken to him. We left after only being officially together for 5 months. The trip was not too much fun. He was pulling away before the trip which I wasn't ...
A. 25 February 2010: I once watched a program about relationships, and a woman on it said one of the best things you can do is go on a holiday together because you soon find out what it's like to live with them. You have found that he doesn't really put much effort into ... (read in full...)
Why do guys only want me for sex?
Q. everyone i meet says am really friendly and really sweet. they all say i have a great personality. guys thinks am cute and sexy..but they just want me for sex and off course i don't give in cos am not the type to sleep around.. i want ...
A. 25 February 2010: The truth is many guys aged about 20 aren't looking to settle down with a girlfriend. They're just looking for sex. Not all guys, but a lot. Sadly this means the for girls like you who want a relationship, you have to make your way through a lot of ... (read in full...)
I don't want to get hurt again so should I try to forget about him while he's gone?
Q. OK so here's the thing I have been flirting with this guy for a long time and I wasn't sure if he liked me back. I know now that he does because he told me. He's been so sweet to me and makes me feel so special. The thing is I have been badly hurt ...
A. 25 February 2010: But when he comes back, you'll fall for him again. 3 weeks isn't near enough time to get over someone, so the moment he comes back you'll fall for him again anyway. You will really regret not speaking to him and finding out what he feels. Yes, you ... (read in full...)
Does my teacher fancy me or am I just being silly ?
Q. Ok i am having this major love/hate realationship with this male english teacher in my school. Ive liked him for atleast 3 years now. But ive always felt a connection between him and me , his eyes are so hypnotic. Then i went to see a play with my ...
A. 25 February 2010: I think like a lot of people who have crushes you're reading far too much into it. And though you technically think you can date teachers out of school, it's actually illegal for a teacher to have a relationship with a student regardless of age. I ... (read in full...)
Am I doing the wrong thing trying to change sexualities?
Q. I am really confused. I left my husband 3 months ago because he was abusing me...he was hitting me.....anyways right after that i spent a very short time with a loser who only wanted to use me for sex and obviously that didn't work out either.....so ...
A. 25 February 2010: Not all men are bad, but the problem is you see all of us as bad so you're looking for an easier option that starting again and dating. You might end up even more confused about who you are if you try this, and certainly if you only want to take a ... (read in full...)
Insentive girlfriend and I don't know what to do.
Q. For 18 months i have been in a relationship. I knew she had seen a married man long before we met. I never thought much as mistakes do happen. Yesterday we were talking in bed. Its now she tells me that i`m the only single guy she was interested in. ...
A. 25 February 2010: Have nothing to do with her. To go to a wife, tell her that she was having an affair with her husband and laugh while she did it is so low she never deserves to be happy. Have nothing to do with her. She's clearly got major league issues in her ... (read in full...)
Sex seems to be the his main focus. Sould I go on another date?
Q. Hi, I ran into this guy that I use to work with last year. He had gotten a divorce and asked me on a date. I accepted the. Well, of course he tried to sleep with me,on the first date but I didn't. On our second date we had a talk and he told m...
A. 25 February 2010: No, no no. Don't see him again. He just wants sex. He doesn't even want friendship. Just the sex. ... (read in full...)
Will wishing an ex happy birthday seem clingy?
Q. (Mod note: Titled by poster) Ok, so I was wanting to know if I should wish an ex a happy birthday if he broke up with me because I was too "clingy?" His birthday is 3 weeks away...will it seem like I want him back if I do? Also, he said that ...
A. 25 February 2010: Let him go. He made it clear that right now he does not want to be friends. Let him do the running if he wants you as a friend. My way of thinking is that ex's should be left in the past. ... (read in full...)
I think he is having an affair with a colleague of mine. How can I find out?
Q. I have been married for the past 3 years to a man who is also my work colleague. We lived together, at my house, for 5 years before that. I was wealthy when we married; my husband was not. Since my marriage, due to a very bad investment, I have lost ...
A. 25 February 2010: I feel for you. You sound like a great woman who has been truly shafted by this guy. Do a little digging. Find out about texts, phone calls. And if nothing else, ask him.... (read in full...)
She never says anything bad about her husband. Will she ever leave him for me?
Q. I have been dating a married women for some time she says she is leaving her husband but when. She tells me she has no feelings for him. She also says that she has told him already and she says she is not leaving him because of me. She say he is ...
A. 25 February 2010: No, she won't leave. She has too much to lose and is just using you. Better to move on and find a woman who does love you. ... (read in full...)
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