| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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He says my actions prior to our dating permits him to have sex with other girls
Q. Hi, my boyfriend of 3 and a half years suffers from retroactive jealousy. I was no slut in the past, far from it actually, but still, he thinks I was and that's what's ruined us. He knows a guy to whom I gave a BJ to, he knows that guy was a close ...
A. 27 February 2010: Dump him, dump him, dump him. Just dump. and I mean dump him. If he really cared for you, no way would he act like this. He;s just a controlling weirdo who will end up hitting you and treating you like dirt. You can seriously do better. ... (read in full...)
Facebook the cause of my problems.
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. i have recently moved away for uni. we both decided to delete our facebooks because they just cause so many problems, worrying about tagging in photos and worrying about who we were talking to, ...
A. 27 February 2010: This is over before it's even started if this facebook thing is causing trouble already. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't understand that women can "get off" through other means!
Q. Ok so my bf and I have been having sex for almost 2 months now. We've done it about a dozen times, I have orgasmed once out of the 12 times. While I realize that I'm lucky enough to be able to get that point since I know some girls never orgasm from ...
A. 27 February 2010: I would suggest that all those other girls faked. He doesn't seem to have any idea about women at all. If he's stopping and not putting effort in, and then having his own way and just wandering off, then he's not that considerate at all. To be ... (read in full...)
Am I the rebound guy?
Q. Am i the Rebound guy? Ive been seeing this girl for about 2 months now.. she was dating her ex for approx 3 years.. when i first started hanging out with her they were together and from what she said very much on the rocks... they lived together.. i ...
A. 27 February 2010: Yes, you're the rebound guy. She's still got something for her ex if she's speaking to him again and is dropping stuff off and seeing the dog they had together. Your gut instinct is telling you this is wrong. It is wrong. Get rid of her now. ... (read in full...)
I fancy a school teacher and it's driving me nuts!
Q. Hey every1, ok Ive four years left of school and I've fancied this teacher since first year and it's driving me nuts! But I really want to know wheather he likes me back. So I'm going to tell you a few scenerios of why I think he likes me and ask ...
A. 27 February 2010: He's not interested in the slightest. He's a teacher, you're a student, that's it. ... (read in full...)
He is bad news, how do I let go!
Q. so hurt scared and angry overall confused. last week i told this guy that i like that i had a dream about him i didnt tell him what the dream was about. im gonna tell him ne time i see him i couldnt tell him then cuz i had to leave the dream is no ...
A. 27 February 2010: If you like a guy like this, then chances are your own esteem is low. Generally, women with low esteem fancy guys like this because they believe they can either change them, or that they can't do better. So look in a mirror and convince yourself you ... (read in full...)
My wife bet a BJ to another man and he's won the bet... what should we do?!
Q. My wife made a bet that I don't want her to keep and now she has to pay up, or default on her word. What to do? A couple of weeks ago, my wife, some friends of ours and myself were drinking at my house. The conversation got heated regarding...
A. 27 February 2010: Very simply. She goes back on her promise. Better to be a liar than to wreck your marriage, which it will. ... (read in full...)
I wonder if a player could stop playing for somebody like me
Q. Hi :) Right, heres the deal, there was a guy I met when I went out with a friend from uni, he lives in her halls, we got talking and just had a spark, you know one of those people who you can just talk to for hours? Well, we did, for around 4 hours ...
A. 27 February 2010: Literally millions of women have asked the same question as you. 'Can a player change for me?'. And all those women have made the same mistake of thinking that they will, only to end up hurt. He has told you everything you want to hear. How he was ... (read in full...)
I like having sex but that's all we got... Should I move on or keep at it?
Q. Well I knew this guy for about 3 years now and recently we had sex a few times. I liked it and all but we were never together. I know that he only wanted me for sex but right now I dont want to get together with anyone so I would always have sex ...
A. 27 February 2010: All he wants to do is use you for sex. That's it. And you seem like you're too young to be having sex to be honest. ... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant? Could the pound-shop tests be wrong?
Q. here goes... about 9 weeks ago i lost my virginity, the boy never had a condom on and also i havent yet started my period. 68 hours later i got the morning after pill and took it! then 2 weeks ago i took a test which said i was not pregnant. ...
A. 27 February 2010: You couldn't trust the pregnancy test if it was that cheap. You live in Britain, so you can go to the doctor confidentially and have yourself checked. Do that and get checked. ... (read in full...)
Why do cheaters get mad when they're caught?
Q. Why do cheaters always continue to lie, even when they've been caught? Why do they become angry when they are found out? What moral foundation is there for this behavior (why do they think the way they do, and why do they think cheating is okay)?...
A. 27 February 2010: For the same reason that they cheated in the first place. They're not great people. There are some cheaters who cheat for good reasons (like a woman who cheats on an abusive husband or something). But when someone is angry when they're caught and ... (read in full...)
We are meant to keep things casual but I am having feelings for him
Q. Well i've been seeing this guy for nearly 6 months and in the beginning we agreed to keep things casual but in the past couple of months i've started to have feelings for him but i haven't told him this. He has said that what we have is just a fling ...
A. 27 February 2010: This is what happens when you get involved casually. One of the two falls for the other. You are a casual friend to him. That's it. You could try talking to him to know where you really stand, but my feelings are you going to find yourself being ... (read in full...)
My ex is getting into deep waters, should I talk to him or his family?
Q. Hello, I broke up with my boyfriend about 2 months ago. I've been trying to call him a few times and left messages but he hasn't returned or picked up the phone when I called. He's a smart man and I've known him for more than 6 years now. He's ...
A. 27 February 2010: Option 3. He is your ex, let him make his own choices and mistakes. No matter what you think, he is now an ex and it's no longer your problem. Let him go, let him make his own choices while you focus on your own life.... (read in full...)
I think he is telling lies and is with another woman
Q. OK it's this guy I Been seeing for like two months but knew him for about 3 years we live in the same building the time was never right for us to hook up until like 2 months ago he is 40 and I am 28 we spend ever night together and he haven't ask me ...
A. 27 February 2010: To be honest, I'm very suspicious that you're having sex and there is no sign of a real relationship here. Apart from that, you have no reason to distrust him with another woman. And to hang the phone up was a little drastic. It's more likely he was ... (read in full...)
I've watched her cry after bad relationships, I've told her how much I love her and yet she still wont give me a chance
Q. I have been asking out the same girl for the past 4 years and she has turned me down every single time I have watched her cry coming out of the relationships she's been through and i'm afraid that she's going to be hurt by the wrong guy I ain't ...
A. 27 February 2010: Stop chasing this girl No matter how much you love her, she doesn't feel the same way. She is attracted to bad boys, and that's why she gets hurt. There is no chance with this girl, and she has told you so. You need to move on. ... (read in full...)
My husband has cheated on me, how do I get over this and forgive him?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles, I have been married over 30 years and recently found that my husband has had at least 2 'emotional' affairs (which he admits to and swears they were no more than that???). This has DEVASTATED me. Question is what do I do...
A. 27 February 2010: A soulmate doesn't cheat. And it's not like it happened once. It happened twice. You might be nearly 60, but that doesn't mean you can't go and find that soulmate! There was a woman in Britain recently who aged 82 found her soulmate and now they're ... (read in full...)
It's been two months I called and told him I was breaking up with him. How come he hasn't called me?
Q. What should I do now that my boyfriend of almost 7 years is not picking up my phone calls/returning them after I told him I called to break up 2 months ago. After I mentioned breaking up and hesitated, he took it literally and didn't call me back ...
A. 27 February 2010: You told him it was over. He has taken the choice to ensure that it is over because he doesn't want to be messed about. You've made a big mistake, and now you have to live with it. He did care about you until you said it was over. You can't just ... (read in full...)
There is no joy in my life
Q. I feel my family life is driving me crazy. I have such a dysfunction in my family,that is almost hard to believe it. My husband works all the time and my grown kids are in trouble all the time. We have no intimacy, fun or joy in our life. My ...
A. 27 February 2010: Look at what you've written here. You've tried to help everyone, you've spend time taking care of everyone, your husband works all the time and doesn't take care of himself. Not once do you mention just having your own life. It's like you've been ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and worried my lack of sex drive will force hubbie to see it elsewhere
Q. Im 36 weeks pregnan and sex has become a bit painful and uncomfortable for me and i no longer enjoy it. My husband realizes this and hasmade it a point to refrain from kissing and touching too much so that he doesn't crave sex altthough we still ...
A. 27 February 2010: Your husband loves you. He will understand. You're pregnant and it hurts. You're a pregnant woman, not a sex toy. ... (read in full...)
I think a friend has nude picture of my wife!
Q. How do I go about asking a friend if he has nude pictures of my wife? I have reason to believe he does, as he alluded to it once years ago. They would have been made years ago when she was younger by an old boyfriend {not the guy with the pictures). ...
A. 27 February 2010: I wouldn't go there to be honest. You're setting yourself up for jealousy. You don't know what's in the photos, and it's best left in the past. I'm sure she would not be so happy if she found out you had asked about those photos, which she probably ... (read in full...)
I told my friend, who told a boy who told the teacher I had a crush on him
Q. I've had a crush on my science teacher for a while now, and one of my friends knows. A few days ago, she actually had the nerve to go tell one of the guys in my class!! And if you don't think that's bad enough, that guy went and told my teacher....
A. 27 February 2010: It means he's seen all this before and it hasn't come as a shock. Enjoy your crush, and remember that it can't go further. And as for your friend, forgive her. Yes she was childish to go and tell someone, but it's out in the open now and so you're ... (read in full...)
Three years on and he is giving me mixed signals ...
Q. Please help. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years now. About 6 months into dating he told me he was moving to NY. I was devestated but told him I would rather have him leave than to stay and resent me. He told me that I was more ...
A. 27 February 2010: I was sceptical when you said he had dumped you first time around because you had kids, and I still find myself sceptical given that he is moving in with a friend and not you. I think the time has come to move on from him, because it's clear he ... (read in full...)
I do have feelings for her but the situation is too complicated
Q. Hello, I have a lady friend that I have been cool with for awhile now. We had sex about about a month ago. At the same time I had a female that I was talking to nothing serious at all. Before this happened my lady friend was trying to work t...
A. 27 February 2010: I would suggest that you leave her alone. I say this because you'll not be able to get rid of your guilt, and this is a woman who seems confused enough about everything she's feeling. She still likes her boyfriend, and it'll end with you getting ... (read in full...)
How can I let my guy friend know I like him?
Q. Alright, so I'm friends with this guy and I'm starting to like him.. He's nice and has a great sense of humor, he has respect for women and he's just a wonderful trustworthy guy. I know he would never do anything to hurt me and I just want to be ...
A. 27 February 2010: I know you're shy and afraid of rejection, and I know that can be a real pain. But you're right about that 'what if'. If you don't say something, you can bet you'll regret it. Now he always texts you every day first, so he clearly likes you. So ... (read in full...)
My adult daughter's boyfriend "gropes" her in front of me... How can I deal with this?
Q. I recently welcomed a young adult daughter back home after she started self harming because her same age boyfriend was disregarding her sexual wishes. He wanted to do some things she did not and forced these things on her. She is still his girlfr...
A. 27 February 2010: When he's not around, you need to tell her that you find it disrespectful that he gropes her in front of you. If she's really underconfident at the moment, she might welcome you talking to her about it. Ask her how she feels and see what she says. ... (read in full...)
I want to keep my virginity until I am married, but my current boyfriend wants to get intimate. How do I deal with this?
Q. I recently started getting "serious" with a guy I like and we are pretty happy, except I'm really nervous about one thing: sex. I'm still a virgin and no, this is not my 1st relationship-the problem is that my last one ended because the guy was ...
A. 26 February 2010: You have to be honest with him. You have to tell him that you won't have sex before you're marriage. How he reacts will tell what he wants from you.... (read in full...)
Will giving her my number scare her off?
Q. I have been messaging a girl online, through a reputable website. We have been exchanging messages for about a month now, and she seems really sweet. She is a teacher, she lives about 25 mins from me. However, because of her job, she doesn't have ...
A. 26 February 2010: Yes, something like. Just say that you'd like to get to know her more and knows that she's busy, so would she like to take your number. ... (read in full...)
Competing with alcohol!
Q. I love my wife very much. But she drinks so much she was put in a cardiac care unit six months ago. The doctors said she had almost depleted her body of iron and her blood count was six. Yes that's right six. I was shocked as well as the doctor who ...
A. 26 February 2010: There comes a time when you have to make a brave choice for your own good. This is now the time, especially that it is seriously affecting your daughter. You need to think carefully about whether you want to be with this woman, who is making your ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he answer me?
Q. I recently started to like a guy at my school. It's come to my attention that we have a lot in common. I wanted to talk to him about it but I had trouble because he was always surrounded by his friends. On Valentine's Day I was giving lots of ...
A. 26 February 2010: He might not have been there! Or he might have been really shy about it. You're making a big deal out of something so trivial. Talk to him to his face again. ... (read in full...)
She is leaving regardless of whether I am coming with her or not, is she being unreasonable?
Q. My girlfriend of six months is moving away for a new job. She will be a 12 hour drive away in a state and part of the country I don't like. It's not a desirable location. She could have a good job and stay here, but doesn't like the company....
A. 26 February 2010: Completely. She has her dream, and her dream involves this new job. You can't stop her. And she has also said she understands if you can't come. She's been as reasonable as she possibly can about this. ... (read in full...)
What did she mean when she said this?
Q. So me and my girlfriend have been on a break for a month now, and she said she still needs time to forget about the bad stuff, and miss me. I hurt her by changing as a person. Like I got comfortable and I guess things changed between us. Like I ...
A. 26 February 2010: This isn't actually about you. I think it's about her. I don't think she really knows what she wants from you or from her own life. You put effort into changing, she didn't bother. Sounds to me like actually she is the problem, not you. If I were ... (read in full...)
Will giving her my number scare her off?
Q. I have been messaging a girl online, through a reputable website. We have been exchanging messages for about a month now, and she seems really sweet. She is a teacher, she lives about 25 mins from me. However, because of her job, she doesn't have ...
A. 26 February 2010: Ask her if she would like your number next time she is on. If it does scare her, then you know she's not the one. Ask her first and see what she says. ... (read in full...)
I set them up but now I cant stand them being together!
Q. About a couple months or so ago, my friend had gotten out of a failing relationship, and she was really looking for someone who would treat her right. i was even looking for someone to treat her right. anyway, i met this guy and he seemed really ...
A. 26 February 2010: This is more of a case that you want what you can't have. I don't think you really like him as much as you think. I think it just gets to you that the friend preferred her and after setting them up you have it thrust in your face. You just have to ... (read in full...)
I am so bitter and angry right now!
Q. I have a problem. In the past three relationships I've had, my ex-significant others have said the same thing to me after the break-up... "Any other guy would be so lucky to have someone like you. You'll make someone very happy someday." They ...
A. 26 February 2010: You are a lovely girl! You put a huge amount of effort in. The problem is that a lot of young guys don't know what they want, and may not be ready for a real relationship with such commitment. Whereas you are ready. Don't give up and don't worry. ... (read in full...)
I want to travel the world but my parents won't let me.
Q. This is not really a question about relationships or anything but I am only 13 and I want to travel the world and be on my own but my parents won't even let me walk around by myself! What should I do?...
A. 26 February 2010: Simply put, you're too young. When you're an adult, and you have the money and a good education, go for it. Have patience. ... (read in full...)
How to end a long-term relationship with a manipuator?
Q. I caught my girlfriend sleeping at this other guy's house who she previously promised not to ever see again. Her car was parked in front. This has happened a few times over the past couple years (we've been together almost 5) and I always forgive. I ...
A. 26 February 2010: You clearly have little confidence in yourself if a girl like this has control over you. So take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you want to have the crappest girlfriend on earth, or whether you would rather find a really good one. She ... (read in full...)
Making my move...
Q. I'm going to be making a move on a chick I want I'm thinking of going in like moving toward her then saying what would you do if I made a move and while all this I'm going in for a kiss then saying what would you do if I kissed you then kiss her...
A. 26 February 2010: Not a good idea. I you like her that much, ask her out. But don't go and kiss her or anything. She might get scared and you would come out looking bad. Ask her out instead.... (read in full...)
This MUST mean she likes me right?
Q. Ok, well, I posted a question earlier about how I wanted to ask this girl out without being too cheesy. She just told me she's going to have the house to herself and proposed that I spend the night... I don't know if I'm reading too much into th...
A. 26 February 2010: Sounds like it. This is your chance to ask her as well!... (read in full...)
In a relationship that can go nowhere...
Q. What do you do if you were living defacto - then he moves out to be with his 4 troubled childern - ages from 23 - 10 years of age. He is still married but not with his wife. We are still dating and getting on well but I rarely see him and there ...
A. 26 February 2010: This isn't going to happen and you know it in your heart. You would do better to move on now and find a guy who can commit. ... (read in full...)
Do you think I should give him one opportunity to try and explain what happened and why?
Q. Hello everyone, I recently found out that the guy I've been seeing for many years has been having an affair. I found this out after that wrenching, knawing feeling in my gut drove me to do some investigation work on the internet.. and sure eno...
A. 26 February 2010: Don't look for closure. You won't get it. He's had a month to think of some big lie to tell you. Don't listen to a word. The best thing you can do is move on and continue as you are. He'll only lie. People always look for closure when it is better ... (read in full...)
Pregnant and scared my daughter will feel left out once the new baby comes along...
Q. I've just found out that im pregnant and i feel really guilty bout it. Im 28 and i have a 5 yr old daughter already from a previous 5 yr relationship. Ive been single for 3 yrs so its just been me and my daughter weve done so much together she such ...
A. 26 February 2010: The important thing is that you involve your daughter with your new baby. Make sure she gets to hold the baby with you, help you feed it, things like that. And make sure she helps with all the preparations beforehand too. Sibling rivalry tends to ... (read in full...)
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