| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
|
Would you consider this cheating?
Q. My boyfriend and I seem to have that feeling of distance between us for a few months now. For me- it seems as though he is just comfortable and doesn't feel like he has to try anymore. I believe the two most important things in a relationship are ...
A. 28 February 2010: It is a bit of a dangerous way to go. In all honesty, would you truly be happy if your boyfriend was talking to other women online. Probably not. What you might find is that this will continue, and in the end your boyfriend will think he's second ... (read in full...)
What does he mean?
Q. been seeing this really nice guy i liked for ages, been seeing him for about 8 weeks now, everything was going great. he was texting me every day, seeing me every sat night until something changed.. i haven't seen him for 2 weekends because we've ...
A. 28 February 2010: Give it three days. If he has not contacted by then, text him and tell him that it's over and he needn't contact you again. And mean it. It sounds like he's not interested but doesn't know what to say. So give him the ultimatum in 3 days. ... (read in full...)
My friend is mad that I started dating a guy she used to have feelings for! What should I do?
Q. I recently got out of a bad relationship, my ex was always demanding sex and using mind games to make me feel like s**t. I found hope in another guy, he's amazing and always telling me how perfect I am. He listens to my every problem and never asks ...
A. 28 February 2010: No you don't have to cut ties. She USED to have feelings for him, and they never even went out. It's more like she's jealous because you got someone she couldn't. Seems to me like you're a bit used to being pushed around by people. So this time, do ... (read in full...)
I feel so alone now my boyfriend has left me so soon after having his baby
Q. My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me, i just had his baby all he wants to do is go out with his friends and telling me he wants space. I tried moving on hangin out with friends taking care of the baby by myself but i feel so alone like ...
A. 28 February 2010: Sadly he's a young guy and just wasn't ready to face being a father. Let's hope that he comes around. And remember that he is legally responsible for your baby. Other than that, is there any way your family can help you? Also, check around with ... (read in full...)
He's got someone else, but I'm in love with him
Q. Hi, I've been good friends with this guy, he's so sweet and charming. But the problem is, he's already committed. I know all his secrets because he told me that he "love" me, but when I confessed that I love him, he told me to just let my feeli...
A. 28 February 2010: Move on from him. He doesn't love you. You just have to move on from him. Meet new people, have fun with other friends and you'll find your Mr Right.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend accused me of cheating while she went off to a club with another man
Q. I was late to meet my girl. I fell asleep on the recliner, as it happens. She was convinced I was off with some other woman. No lie. I talked her down from that for over 2 hours or so of patient painstaking work, then she revealed something to ...
A. 28 February 2010: I doubt she probably did do anything. It was probably more of a knee jerk reaction to make sure you're not late again. i.e. she wanted you to feel this way. Clearly if she has done this to other boyfriend in the past, then I would be worried. But ... (read in full...)
It's unfair, I've been left and he has moved on
Q. I used to go out with this guy just over a year ago. We went out for about 2 years, but it got to the stage where we were on and off for about 3 times. It was always him ending it and me taking him back. We were so close though, I tried to be ...
A. 28 February 2010: He's not the one. He just isn't. I know you think he is, but he has ended it over and over again, and you have taken him back. You aren't nearly as close as you think you are, because if you were it would have worked. He can move on because he never ... (read in full...)
I have two men in my life, how do I choose which one?
Q. I am a 30 year old attractive and smart female. I was a former Ford model in teens and early 20’s, and after graduating college, I am currently a VP in pharmaceutical sales. How do I choose? Here’s some background on the men. Guy #1--We’ve ...
A. 28 February 2010: I agree with Frank's answer, which is brilliant. It's all too easy to give up on guy 1 because things have become a little stale. But Guy 1 knows you, loves you, and has been through the bad and the good with you. So far with guy 2, you can only ... (read in full...)
Too close to my ex, can't seem to let him go.
Q. Ok, it is soo complicated...I was with my ex for a year and a half.... just 3months ago he broke up with me...but we are still such good friends because we were soo close when we were together..when I see him we nearly always kiss and if the ...
A. 28 February 2010: I'm sorry, but this guy is just using you. There is no way he will come back to you. I'm afraid he's just using you. He was never a nice guy. He is a cocky man who isn't nice and uses people. So you have a choice. Either you can sit there an be ... (read in full...)
I feel like the only reason he stays with me is because he feels he owes me
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together 2 and a half years. we always been one of the closest couples you can meet. the last few months he doesn't seem to talk to me as much or want to be around me, almost as if he's fallen out of love with me. o...
A. 28 February 2010: Owes you? Maybe he stays with you because you pay for a lot of things and he thinks he can get a free ride. I think you need to talk to him about this, and stop paying for everything. You're a good, kind girlfriend, but don't be taken for a ride.... (read in full...)
Never told me he had a girlfriend but now she's angry. What do I do?
Q. This guy I was talking to lived 2 hours away. I just found out he has had a girlfriend from the start. We started talking mid January and he never told me. He kept saying how I am so pretty, and amazing. And so much more. He said he wasnt talking to ...
A. 28 February 2010: Confront him. She could be a jealous girl who has nothing to do with him. ... (read in full...)
My difficult boyfriend calls me and everyone else a 'loser'
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles. Can you please help me! How do you define a 'loser'?? My BF calls me a 'loser' (we've been together for 5 years) and he also calls his exes and my friends 'losers'. It is really upsetting me because I don't feel as th...
A. 28 February 2010: This guy is shocking. Hell yes you're better off by yourself. He has such an inflated sense of self esteem it's unbearable! He insults you, your friends, even a bride on her wedding day. You're not the loser, your friends aren't losers, the lovely ... (read in full...)
Distance forming between us.
Q. If a couple's interests change and drift apart over 11 years to the point where they share very few personal goals, can they still be happy and fulfilled together? Do any of you who have been in long relationships have insight into this? I ...
A. 28 February 2010: So talk to her about it. Maybe get some counselling. Tell her you feel as if your relationship is drifting apart and start to work on it. She might feel the same way but she might not know how to approach you about it. So talk to her and tell you ... (read in full...)
Separated, not divorced. Another guy in the picture.
Q. I left my husband 5 years ago but we've never gotten divorced. He doesn't want to and I'm in no hurry. I became involved with another man and we've been living together for 4 of those years. I love him but I don't know about our future. He doesn't ...
A. 28 February 2010: You'd do better to divorce your husband and stop seeing this guy. You seem to need these men to feel safe, little realizing you need neither man in your life. You'd do much better to spend your time on yourself. The second guy is second best as ... (read in full...)
Is something going on or am I over reacting?
Q. Im feeling a bit worried now,its going to be 4 months my bf and i are together,and like always in the beginning of the relationship,he texts me everyday but now he barely text me and when were are together,i cant do nothing much with him,he always ...
A. 28 February 2010: It sounds like your boyfriend has lost interest in you I'm afraid to say. That's not your fault, it's just that you are both still young and young men are not emotionally ready for a long term relationship. So be brave and move on. Your Mr Right is ... (read in full...)
My husband is in prison and I don't miss him, but I have strong feelings for another
Q. Hi,ive been married now for 11 years and i'm a proud mom of 2. My husband recently got himself into some legal trouble and got 2 years imprisonment. I also discovered that i have strong feelings for a mutual friend of ours. I'm not sure what his...
A. 28 February 2010: Slow right down. This isn't love, this is more about feeling lonely. It would be a dreadful shame to throw an 11 year marriage down the drain for the sake of something that isn't based on love. The next two years will be hard for you, but you can ... (read in full...)
Torn between myself, two men and two kids
Q. So I have an issue. I have a husband for 4.5 years now. We get along fine with eachother's family, and we have two kids. Just like in every relationship he has promised me many of things and only a couple where fulfilled. Like the movie "The ...
A. 28 February 2010: I would suggest the third option. Fuck everyone and work on yourself. There is a reason for this. First up, your marriage has come to crunch time, and unless your husband and you actually go to counselling and get all these problems out, it's just ... (read in full...)
Why is sex the key to a relationship?
Q. Why is sex the key to a relationship?...
A. 28 February 2010: Sex isn't key. It's in a long list of things that make a relationship work. Including understanding, listening, compromise, love, lust, happiness, sadness, compassion and about a million other things. There is no one thing that is more important ... (read in full...)
My friend says he fancies me, but I'm not so sure
Q. If a friend told you that every time you both sat in a coffee shop together that the guy serving kept looking over at you and staring and she believed that he fancied you, would you believe her. My friend keeps telling me this is happening and ev...
A. 28 February 2010: He might be shy. Or he might not know how you feel and be wary of making a move. Why don't you try to get to know him a bit more, like when you see him ask him about himself. Your attitude of 'if he liked me, surely he would say something' is true ... (read in full...)
Needing help working myself out. Husband keeps breaking me down.
Q. I have been married for many years to a man who has disrespected and abused me ever since I met him. At first I thought I could take or leave him (before we were married) but slowly it seems he and some tough breaks robbed me of my self esteem ...
A. 28 February 2010: Your first, best bet is to leave this man. Which is a big step. But the fact is as long as you are in that house with that man, every time you feel good he will destroy you. Every time you smile, he'll make it that you don't. Every time you try to ... (read in full...)
Could a phone be more important then your wife?
Q. (Mod note: Titled by poster) what does my husband want from me? why cant we watch a tv program with out him texing someone? we go to dinner and his phone is in his hand the entire time, he sleeps with it underneth his pillow, he is a 48 year old ...
A. 28 February 2010: If your husband has had an affair for over two years, and is sat there with a phone in his hand or under his pillow, then it's time to move on. Because chances are he's texting other women, not just one. Especially if he hides the phone under his ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep liking a guy who is mean to me?
Q. How do I tell a guy I don't want to see him again (nicely)? I met a guy I really fancied through a dating site approximate 8 months ago. We went on a few dates, but it didn't get serious and he subsequently told me he was too busy for a relat...
A. 28 February 2010: You need to delete all his numbers, all texts you have kept, all emails. Everything. Get rid of it all. And every time he contacts you, simply say 'it's over between us', put the phone down and continue to delete numbers. You need to be strong in ... (read in full...)
Finally I'd rather be single and happy than married and miserable
Q. I am done. After our fight tonight I have finally seen him for what he is. He is selfish, emotionally abusive, chauvinistic, and paranoid. I want out of this sham of a marriage that I have tried so hard to save. I realize now that I can't save it ...
A. 28 February 2010: First of all, good for you. Too many people take too much from rubbish partners, so this is a great chance to start again.
Since he is emotionally abusive and likely to explode, you need to do everything quietly before you tell him. You need to s... (read in full...)
My best friend has told people she never thought of me as a boyfriend
Q. She already told other people that she never thought of me that way. I can talk to her about any and everything. We both consider each other our closest friends. This is the strongest i've EVER felt about a girl, and i think i love her. Should i ...
A. 28 February 2010: She has already said she doesn't consider you that way, which isn't a great sign. However, perhaps it's worth knowing where you stand with her for sure, because she might like you but she might be hiding it. It's worth a try to know where you stand ... (read in full...)
My guy friend seem to be checking me out, is this normal?
Q. This might sound ridiculous to some.. but i feel very embarrassed when i find random guys eyeing at me while i'm walking with my friends (boys mostly). I'm one of the two girls in our friend pack.. and the rest are like 6 boys. We're treated as ...
A. 28 February 2010: Don't worry, it's perfectly normal. And you don't need to be embarrassed about it either.... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend cheated but I can stop loving her should I try to get back with her?
Q. Hey Guys Ive never asked for relationship advice on the internet before so here goes ;) I had been going out with my girlfriend for just over a year when she cheated on me with one of her house mates.. I wouldnt have ever called the guy...
A. 28 February 2010: Not this time. Yes, sometimes people make mistakes and do something like this. But she didn't own up, you had to find out from someone else. And she was on a drug at the time, which leads me to suspect that she's more of a liability that anything ... (read in full...)
How reliable is a drunken proclamation of love?
Q. Are people more honest when they're drunk, or do they say things they don't mean? Last night around midnight, one of my old mates, who used to fancy me, called me while he was drunk. He told me that he really wanted to talk to me, and that he miss...
A. 28 February 2010: Not reliable at all. When drunk, the word 'love' is often used as an exaggeration of how we feel. It's what he says when he's sober that counts. ... (read in full...)
Am I falling for another loser?
Q. Hi guys, I'm hoping for some insights. I've been dating a guy since around the middle of February. He broke up with his long term ex about a year ago but they spoke every day on the phone. He is still angry with her which suggests to me he still ...
A. 28 February 2010: I'm sorry to say that you do seem to have picked a man who has a serious problem with women in general, and certainly still has feelings for his ex one way or another. His outlook on women and the way he treats them and speaks of them leads me to ... (read in full...)
Should I protect other women from him?
Q. I let my self get used, played, hurt by this man. This man picks women that have sworn off men for years and gets them to fall for him. He has a way to make you want to believe him. When you show any distrust he'll tell you its because of the way ...
A. 27 February 2010: Do nothing. They, like you, must realize their own mistake. If you try anything, he'll only make you look bad. You must move on from him and focus on your own life. You're obviously a lovely lady, so go and find yourself. You can't help those who ... (read in full...)
If he cheats and lies about it does he really love you?
Q. Does a husband who cheats,lies,watch porno and never admits cheating really loves his wife?...
A. 27 February 2010: If he's cheated and then lied about it over and over again, no he doesn't. Very occasionally, I understand cheating. But from what you've written, I would suggest that this man doesn't care at all. ... (read in full...)
My friend is pregnant again, and I don't want to have to help financially again
Q. I'm probably going to get alot of backlash with what i'm about to write so I want you to read this post properly. I have been mates with this girl for about 10 years. In that time she has has 2 children that were accidents 1 of which I'm god...
A. 27 February 2010: You're a great girl, but this isn't your problem. Don't give another penny to her. Perhaps if she wasn't so liberal and was a bit more careful, she wouldn't be in this position. ... (read in full...)
My ex is threatening me with "truth" tablets, do they exist?
Q. Ok everyone Im still in contact with my ex. The thing is my brother done something not horrible to him and my ex thinks im involved in some sor of way The other day he said something o me over the phone about hes ordered somehing on lin...
A. 27 February 2010: Cut contact immediately. He may not know what the drug is himself and might give you something that kills you. Cut all contact now. ... (read in full...)
When does a first kiss happen?
Q. I haven't kissed someone ever and was just wondering if when it does happen. Do you know how to do it? Were you nervous as well your first time?...
A. 27 February 2010: It happens when you are ready and you meet the right person. It is a nervous moment, but it's also exciting. And naturally you will soon pick up on it, so don't worry. ... (read in full...)
He wants me to wait for him while he 'finishes things' with another girl
Q. I apologise in advance that this is so long! So me and my ex split up 6 months ago. We had been together a year and a bit, and saw each other loads. Towards the end he became distant and I knew there was something up. He confessed he had feeling ...
A. 27 February 2010: No he doesn't love you. If he loved you, he would be with you. Simple as that. He's a guy who wants to have his cake and eat it. He wants you and her, and will no doubt play you against each other. Don't believe a word he says. He's a liar. He said ... (read in full...)
I keep looking at other women!
Q. Hey people ive got a problem, i currently have a girlfriend but every time im with her, i subconsciously look at other women's behinds or breasts?! i know its a bad thing but i dont do it on purpose! weve been together for about months now a...
A. 27 February 2010: Naturally you will do it. Nearly everyone, including your girlfriend, will look at another attractive person and check them out. It isn't a bad thing, so long as you don't make it obvious and don't act on it.... (read in full...)
I am starting to think is it my fault by boyfriend becomes abusive when drunk
Q. My boyfriend and I are both 24. the thing is he is quite horrible to me when he's drunk. I don't really like to drink, but he'll have a drink of vodka in the house every weekend. I don't know what it is but we really don't get on when he's drunk. ...
A. 27 February 2010: It has nothing to do with you at all. If he can't handle his drink, then you need to tell hi, to stop or you will leave. Yes, you have been together for 3 years, but it means nothing if he just hurls abuse at you and treats you badly. And you don't ... (read in full...)
My mother says I am sending the wrong message by giving a gift
Q. ok, my mom said it means u like a guy when you give him a birthday present and he's not your boy-friend?? is that true? im 15 he's turning 17 and she wont let me give my guy friend a birthday present. i dont think it is true neither do other people ...
A. 27 February 2010: I think your mother is being a little to over-protective too. A present could send the wrong idea, there is a lot more to love and relationships than that. I think if you want to give the gift, you can.... (read in full...)
Our friend is depressed because she can't pass her drivers licence
Q. Morning, I desperatly need some advice. My friend who is 28 is trying to get her drivers licence, she has failed a few timesand after each test she is becoming more withdrawn. She hardly comes out with us anymore-infact my birthday is coming up and ...
A. 27 February 2010: All you can do is be a friend to her. Just be there. If she won't open up, there is little you can do other than just be there as a friend. ... (read in full...)
Should I pursue her even though she cheated with others in the past?
Q. I need some serious advice from someone who can relate or can put themselves in my frame of mind. Quick outline of the plot to my story. My best friend is a girl. I have loved her for a long time. She has always known this. We met online 3 ...
A. 27 February 2010: I think you know the truth about this girl. She's not the one. Chances are she will eventually cheat, and to be having sex with married men is a really bad sign. She will come to be jealous of you and suspicious because she will believe all men ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to think. Boyfriend is still on dating sites.
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. Living together for 3 years. A couple of months ago I seen on our internet history he had been looking at escort websites. I confronted him about it and he said he was just curious and ...
A. 27 February 2010: Get rid of him. He doesn't love you enough and isn't worth your time ... (read in full...)
He says my actions prior to our dating permits him to have sex with other girls
Q. Hi, my boyfriend of 3 and a half years suffers from retroactive jealousy. I was no slut in the past, far from it actually, but still, he thinks I was and that's what's ruined us. He knows a guy to whom I gave a BJ to, he knows that guy was a close ...
A. 27 February 2010: Dump him, dump him, dump him. Just dump. and I mean dump him. If he really cared for you, no way would he act like this. He;s just a controlling weirdo who will end up hitting you and treating you like dirt. You can seriously do better. ... (read in full...)
| *aringGuy's friends
These are mutual friends, so *aringGuy has
added them and they have added *aringGuy!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
