| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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He refuses to admit he is still talking to this other woman, should I just leave?
Q. Boyfriend texts a another woman and wont stop. I have been seeing him for 2 years. Quite early on in the relationship my phone broke and I put my chip in his phone (in his presence) just to check my messages. I saw many explicit text between him ...
A. 16 March 2010: Leave. I have nothing else to say but that. ... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty for cheating on my husband?
Q. I have been with my husband for 4 years but it seems like more. His job keeps him away from home for days at a time. I understand that He needs to provide for our children and don't get me wrong i dont want him to be all over me but i do need ...
A. 16 March 2010: Stop having affairs and go home to your husband and tell him how you feel. Open up and tell him that you need to spend more time with him. If nothing changes, then leave. The affairs will not fix anything, and will be more destructive in the long ... (read in full...)
When I slept with him I had no idea he had a pregnant girlfriend! Why is this my fault?
Q. Ok so about two months ago i had sex with this guy who already had a girlfriend and she's pregnant. I was the one who asked him to have sex with me but i had no idea he had a girlfriend especially a pregnant one. but anyways when we did it we got ...
A. 16 March 2010: Nothing. He's just blaming you because you're easier to blame than himself. What do you think he is saying to his girlfriend? He is telling her that it was you who came on to him and you who led him astray. It's not your fault. And if you think ... (read in full...)
Is my husband cheating or am I overreacting?
Q. My husband and i been married for a little over 2 months... this past weekend i stayed home and he went to south carolina for some game thing.... we started fighting saturday bout little things... well we made up sunday when he got home... i decided ...
A. 16 March 2010: Confront him. There might be a totally innocent explanation. But I doubt it. ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend lying?
Q. Is my boyfriend lying? i told my bf from day 1 if you look at porn its ok, just tell me? ad he said the whole time NO he kept this up for 2 years, then he was on his iphone, history came up of a pornstar and he said "no way it wasnt me, it was...
A. 16 March 2010: Well he is lying. Most men look at porn. He is no different, ... (read in full...)
I'm worried that if we have a threesome it might ruin what we have
Q. Hello, recently my boyfriend of 2 years told me that he was thinking about a threesome, but only for special occasions like my birthdays. He says he loves the thought of me being pleasured.He wants another man instead of a woman. He wants someone he ...
A. 16 March 2010: You can be sure that this will go wrong. Threesomes nearly always do. One gets jealous. Or it could be that he really wants a threesome with a woman and is saying to you that you can have the man now, so he can have a woman later. My advice is to ... (read in full...)
He said he was falling in love with me but now he is back with his ex!
Q. Hi everybody I really need your opinion on this situation. I met a guy in November and things moved pretty quickly. He came round to mine nearly every night and we both (well at least i thought) had quite strong feelings. He said that he was real...
A. 16 March 2010: But you went back to your ex first. I'm afraid you paid the price for not getting to know him enough and listening to him. You can't be angry at him for going to his ex, when you did exactly that to him first. You just have to move on and accept ... (read in full...)
I want a male opinion; what would you do if you were in his position?
Q. Me and my partner have been together for 1 year. We started off as best friends before we became official, so we are like soul mates as they all say. we were very much in love, we had a unique bond and very different to other couples. when we fell ...
A. 16 March 2010: Everyone has a dream. And we all have to try to follow that dream. But to have someone waiting behind for when it goes wrong is cruel. He isn't selfish to want to follow his dream, but he is selfish for expecting you to wait around, or not at least ... (read in full...)
Am I being cruel by refusing to have anything to do with my brother until he sorts himself out?
Q. Me and my brother have gone through a lot. Over the course of 4-5 years i've had to defend my mother from him hitting her, myself from him stabbing me etc. He was on drugs (Meth/Ecstasy etc.) for over 3 years and it basically sucked all my parents ...
A. 16 March 2010: I think you are doing the right thing here. Sometimes we have to make decisions that are hard and will hurt. But you need to make this decision for yourself and your family. He is of now use to anyone as he is. ... (read in full...)
How can I get rid of the sting from my burn?
Q. i burnt my hand on hot oil about half an hour ago i have been running it under cold water ever since i have now stopped this the swelling has gone down a lot but it is still stinging will it swell up again what can i do to get rid of the sting?...
A. 16 March 2010: It's worth going to the chemist to get some burn cream, as oil burns can be nasty.... (read in full...)
When a man winks at you, does it mean anything?
Q. When a man winks at you does it actually mean anything. There is a guy I know of who I gave positive feedback to. He has looked at me a few times and he always asks me how I am. Twice he has touched my arm the second one he physically had t...
A. 16 March 2010: Talk to him some more and find out. It sounds like he does like you. ... (read in full...)
If she didn't want to talk to me, why did she give me her number?
Q. ...so this girl at my school i like somewhat gives me her number..so i wait about 3 to 4 days..and i send her a text saying is she there....she reply who is this..i say it was me...after about 9 min i get no reply so i send her another asking did ...
A. 16 March 2010: I don't think she was interested. Perhaps she gave you the number, then forgot and just lost interested. Don't worry about her. Move on. ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I gave him chlamydia?
Q. It All Started a couple years ago, when i met this really nice boy richard, he gave me his number and we started talking more, we got really close then we started going out this boy was my "first love" we was going out for almost a year!. when we ...
A. 16 March 2010: Sadly there is no easy way. But you do need to tell him, as it could cause him serious trouble or he could pass it on. Your best bet is to phone him, say you have something to tell him and say that you caught it from someone else and you have ... (read in full...)
He wants me to be honest with him, but when I am he goes mental!
Q. My boyfriend always tells me to talk to him and be honest, but whenever I am honest with him about something he's done to upset me, he goes mental. He doesn't hit me or anything, but he just argues constantly with me when all i want to do is get i...
A. 15 March 2010: When you have to lie to your boyfriend because of his reaction, then it's time to move on.... (read in full...)
We're mates but I don't know whether he likes me as more than that.
Q. Ok I'm 13 and I've liked this boy for a while. I asked him out but he said no. But I still really like him. We're mates but I dont know whether he likes me as more than that. I know I like him more. Any help would be appreciated. Thank-you....
A. 15 March 2010: He's said no, which means he's not really interested. Being a young guy, he probably isn't bothered by girls at the moment. He needs to mature. Spend time on yourself at the moment. There is no rush to get a boyfriend. ... (read in full...)
What is up with all of this???
Q. A couple of weeks ago, I went to visit an associate of mine. She had a possible health problem and I wanted to make sure she was okay. When I got to her house, this tall, handsome guy walks out and introduces himself as her son. I asked for her ...
A. 15 March 2010: He wanted sex and got it. Sorry. Best to get yourself checked for STD's and such, just in case. In the future, don't fall for the same thing. Men will tell you everything you want to hear to get sex, and once they've had it, will move on. Take your ... (read in full...)
I've got four guys on the go because I don't want to be lonely!
Q. I had my first b.f when i was 18. i had waited for the one. he was a complete looser emotionally messed me up, tried forcing me into eveyrthin.was my first kiss honestly broky me heart. after him i had another b.f exactly the same again. I start...
A. 15 March 2010: I'd suggest that you stop seeing all these guys. Your need to feel loved is going to lead you to serious unhappiness. You have to be happy and content with yourself before you can find the right guy. As long as you look for a guy just so you aren't ... (read in full...)
I'm scared of making a commitment to someone who doesn't want the same future as me
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, we have been a bit rocky at times but really love each other and always work our problems out. He smokes a lot of weed and this is usually what we argue about, he has made it clear he will never quit ...
A. 15 March 2010: This is a waste of your time. There is one question above all that you can ask yourself. Do you want a baby born to a druggie? No. That would be enough to make me move on. ... (read in full...)
I'm coping so well with the break-up that I don't want to see him again, but he still has some of my stuff! What should I do?
Q. My ex broke up with me almost a month ago. The funny thing is I'm actually perfectly fine. lol I think this is the best I've been after a break up. I have decided the last thing I want is a reconciliation and having time to reflect... I don't really ...
A. 15 March 2010: Make him hang it on the door. You would do better to have as little contact as possible. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my teacher how I feel even though he has just moved in with his girlfriend?
Q. I love my teacher so much. The other day I found out that he has moved in with his girlfriend I didn't think that this would affect me but it did .I can't stop thinking about him should I tell him how I feel?...
A. 15 March 2010: No. This is a crush.
1 - He has a girlfriend
2 - You're underage and it would be totally illegal. He would go to jail, you would be expelled and you would look bad.
Sorry, but this is something that will never happen. Enjoy your crush, but s... (read in full...)
I love him because I know he can be a good person, but he is never the person I really want him to be
Q. I am 18 years old an i have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. He comes from a terrible background and i think that is most of where his personality traits result from. He is a crude and an insulting person. He says terrible things like telling ...
A. 15 March 2010: Like many woman, you're choosing to believe that he can be a 'good person'. No he can't. He's proved he can't. Don't fall into the trap that he will 'change', or be 'caring'. His actions say all, and his actions are saying that he is a controlling, ... (read in full...)
Do you think I am a loser because I visit prostitutes seen as I cant find love?
Q. Its been a while since i wrote on this thread but thought it was time to do so ... Ive never had a girlfriend and always feel lonely even though im in university but i live at home and dont socialise much as i havent met people i like at my ...
A. 15 March 2010: I don't think you're a loser. Misguided, perhaps. But not a loser. The need to feel loved by someone else is a very strong, almost dangerous need. It can lead to happiness, but if left unchecked it leads to all those dark places. Many men have done ... (read in full...)
I was attacked and now I am pregnant, I don't know if I should keep the baby
Q. Hi im in a bit of a mess, i am in a relationship with a person i have a son with. i was attacked about 4 weeks ago and now im 2 weeks late my partner doesnt know i was attacked no one does. I am in debt of 6k and im out of work im struggling ...
A. 15 March 2010: You must tell someone that this has happened. Quickly. I am assuming that from what you have said, you were raped. It is very important that you tell your husband you were attacked and the police, because if you don't, assumptions might be made that ... (read in full...)
If a guy goes that far with you on a first date, what does it mean?
Q. ok, so i met this guy and we talked and flirted for about a week. then we were hanging out and he asked if he could kiss me....i said yes and we started to kiss. it was great at first but then he started touching me everywhere and he asked me to ...
A. 15 March 2010: He wants sex and very little else.... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong? None of my relationships last
Q. i am completely useless in relationships and really need your help. I did go out with a guy for 4 years and he ended up cheating on me and i stayed single for a few years until i got over him. BUt lately i met this guy 3 months ago and we hit it off ...
A. 15 March 2010: It's more likely that you're meeting the wrong guy. You met one, went out with him and he ended up cheating. You met another who stopped seeing you and wouldn't give you an explanation. I'd suggest that you look very carefully at the type of guy ... (read in full...)
I am still sleeping with my ex, and he is happy with the way things are
Q. Ok so I need some advice – am I being a complete idiot here?? Me and my ex got together in July 2004, and we split up in March 2009. He had cheated on me a couple times early in the relationship and I forgave that, we broke up because we just ...
A. 15 March 2010: You are completely wasting your time. He's just there for the sex and absolutely nothing else. You move on by accepting it's over, cutting all contact and throwing yourself into your own life. Yes, it's hard to turn you back on 6 years, but it's ... (read in full...)
When is it ok to love again after the one you love is gone???
Q. The situation is that my 1st true love got killd Sept. 09 n i havent really been able to cope with that to well. then i met this guy n he seems wonderful n i really feel comfortable around and his child and his parents are very nice and sweet. ...
A. 15 March 2010: You have to do it when you're ready. Your response to this guy shows that you are not ready yet. Of course you are allowed to love again, and of course it will happen. The one you love would want that. Your response, having 4 boyfriends and him just ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's ex-girlfriend was kinkier/better in bed.
Q. *OP's own title* So I've been dating this wonderful guy for a couple months now, and everything's great. We have great sex which we both enjoy, but he has mentioned in passing a couple times the more adventurous things he did with his last girl...
A. 15 March 2010: He's not with any of those ex's. He's with you. And don't be too sure he really did all this stuff with them either. Men are great at inflating egos. He may be saying a lot of things to try to get you to experiment more. The important thing is that ... (read in full...)
Should I cut off all contact with him and ruin a potentially good friendship?
Q. I'm 28 and I've just come out of a six month relationship with a lovely man. The main reason we broke up is because I was suffering from really bad depression and I used to act irrationally and pick arguments with him a lot. I broke up with him over ...
A. 15 March 2010: I'm not sure he did. Love takes time to truly develop, and he didn't allow time. I think he was in love with you, but I don't think he gave it a chance to develop. ... (read in full...)
Should I fulfill my wifes FFM fantasy?
Q. My wife and I have been married for several years and have a one of a kind relationship. Most people we know tell us wehave the perfect marriage. We just communicate very well and are best friends and can't be 2 hrs without eachother. Our sex has ...
A. 15 March 2010: You want to be careful that you're not going to end up trapped into having to let her have sex with another man at a later date, or that she starts to make this a regular occurrence before deciding her best friend is the one she loves. I don't think ... (read in full...)
After we broke up we agreed to meet again. Is there hope for us?
Q. My boyfriend of a year broke up with me last night. We had a fight and basically we didnt speak for a few days then i got a text telling me it was over. It seemed out of the blue because we are crazy about each other and my friends thought that it ...
A. 14 March 2010: There is no hope unless you can sit down rationally and speak to each other about the problems you are having. This means both of you need to open up, and both of you need to listen, and take the criticism that will no doubt come out. Unless you are ... (read in full...)
I have no idea what's going on in her head..need advice!
Q. Last month my ex called to say that we were over and she needed a break from us, we'd been going out for 2 1/2 years,we'd been arguing a lot over the last few months,and I guess she'd just had enough. taking a step back from us has made me see some ...
A. 14 March 2010: It would appear as if she still likes you. But you have a lot of work to do to get her back again. I'm sure other women will be able to give you better advice, but my advice would be to take it slow and really prove your worth to her. ... (read in full...)
His libido is gone and I'm not sure why?
Q. I have been dating a great guy for a little over 5 months. We are both in our 20's. He has a very demanding job, and is extremely busy, while I am a college student with a much more flexible schedule. Our sex life has always been great- we have ...
A. 14 March 2010: Wow, what a mixture. He's in a demanding job, he's on anti depressants, and he trying to get away from alcohol as well. 100% is has nothing to do with you. The demanding job alone can be enough to decrease the libido. But added to he other issues, ... (read in full...)
Should I let him take my virginity?
Q. Right I really need help! I just turned 18 and I really want to lose my virginity but I don't/ never have had a boyfriend... I'm not sure why and alot of people think I'm lying when I say I'm a virgin (mainy becuase of my huge 34J boobs) b...
A. 14 March 2010: Don't let yourself be used. Find a guy who wants you and cares for you. You will really regret it if you lose your virginity to someone to whom you mean nothing. You really will. There is no rush. Lose it the the right person who wants you and cares ... (read in full...)
Who can be my baby father???
Q. I know this crazy, but my boyfriend was locked up for 7 months, he got out the jail on sept 22 but anyway on sept 7, i cheated on my boyfriend, me and the guy had unproteced sex but not that long probably like 3 ump , i made him put on comdon then ...
A. 14 March 2010: I'm not an expert, being a male. But from what you've said, it's more likely to be your boyfriends. It may be worth talking to your doctor about it as well.... (read in full...)
Inlaws are making my life hell!
Q. the problem i have is the age old problem of the in-laws. My sister in-law is the main one i have problems with. recently my husband an i had a breif separation. she rang him up to ask why and like a mug he told her. she then rang my home and ...
A. 14 March 2010: There are three ways you can handle this.
1 - Keep a dictaphone with you, and record what his family says about you. If he chooses to ignore your feelings after that, then consider the marriage.
2 - Turn up at all those events with a big smile an... (read in full...)
Should I continue neglecting my own feelings for my wife and child?
Q. i married my wife because we had a kid and i didn't want to be irresponsible, but i don't think i can do it anymore. It's almost 10 yrs now and words cannot described how i feel! I have try to be the husband that my conscious mind wants to be, by ...
A. 14 March 2010: Well I admire the fact you tried to do the right thing. But sometimes the right thing is the one that hurts more. And this is one of those occasions.
Truthfully, you can't just ignore your own feelings. If you don't love this woman, that's not some... (read in full...)
Am I aiming too high to not want a boring boyfriend?
Q. I'm permanently single.. And it's driving me insane... I never get any interest from guys at all unless they're really boring and mundane. Am I aiming too high or something ? Should I settle for uneasy conversation etc? :( ...
A. 14 March 2010: I agree that we need more information. But don't settle if you're not happy. ... (read in full...)
Can men with high sex drives remain faithful?
Q. Is it possible for an alpha male man with a super high testosterone amd charged up high sex drive to be in a committed loyal relationship for a long time? Or are they not capable of being faithful? ...
A. 14 March 2010: Perfectly. Just because he has a high testosterone level, and just because he has a lot of hormones, doesn't mean he can't control them. It depends whether he loves a woman or not.... (read in full...)
How often on average to people have sex?
Q. Just another question out of interest. but how many times a week is it considered normal to have sex? I heard a guy at work the other day say He and his partner had sex at least 4 times a day. I thought that sounded pretty excessive? I realise...
A. 14 March 2010: 4 times a day! That might not be as true as you think. It would be interesting to find out what his partner has to say.
That aside, some couples who have just found each other have lots of sex. Some don't. The older you get, the lower the libi... (read in full...)
I'm fed up with my boyfriend not trusting me!
Q. im 15 and i have a 16 yr old b/f and he treats me like a queen buys me anything, nd always by my side but he doesnt trust me for what reason idk b/c im never cheated b/c im not that type of person. we been together for 2 yrs now nd im really geting ...
A. 14 March 2010: You're 15! You do not need this hassle from this guy. He buys you all those things not out of love, but out of control. He thinks the more he buys, the more he is entitled to control you. Don't fall for the old 'but he's really so nice' thing. He's ... (read in full...)
Should I cut off all contact with him and ruin a potentially good friendship?
Q. I'm 28 and I've just come out of a six month relationship with a lovely man. The main reason we broke up is because I was suffering from really bad depression and I used to act irrationally and pick arguments with him a lot. I broke up with him over ...
A. 14 March 2010: Yes, cut contact. Your belief that he might come back is well and truly unfounded. He won't. If he loved you, this was something that you could have both worked through. As it is, he decided to end it. You're not silly to think that things might ... (read in full...)
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