| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Can anyone explain why I feel guilty?
Q. Right i wrote here before regarding my alcoholic ex boyfriend who smashed my windows and how he was awful to me. well idiot me got back with him and he got worse and worse he has smashed every window in my house cut the sky cable and just been ...
A. 1 April 2010: Stop blaming yourself for this other guy's actions, and stop feeling guilty for him too. You're taking on a load of blame rather than address the issue of your self esteem.
Your family will blame you, because it's easier to blame you than him sinc... (read in full...)
Should I get back together with the ex I love but don't trust?
Q. Hi All, I've been dealing with this decision for some time now.. sometimes I feel I've made up my mind, then I come undone and feel confused again. I was with my ex for 3 years, we had a break as I felt he needed time to sort out his issues. Dur...
A. 29 March 2010: The are two big rules, both of which you have either never learned, or forgotten. If you can remember these, and always stick to them, you'll be fine.
1 - NEVER think someone can change. Changing is something that takes years and a HUGE amount of e... (read in full...)
Will he take me back after it has been a few years?
Q. A few years ago I was with this guy. We were so in love and attached to each other. We were both each other's first and we were together almost 2 years. He went away for a bit and the distance tore us apart, when he got back he decided that we ...
A. 29 March 2010: I can assure you that first love does die. God knows mine did. However, you won't know unless you try to talk to him. The truth is he has probably moved on. But if you like him that much, it's worth getting closure if nothing else. Try once, see ... (read in full...)
Should I keep in contact with my teacher, and if so, what can I write in this letter?
Q. Hi everyone, I am in year 12 and graduating from school this year. There is a teacher who taught me english in year 7 and 8. I admire the way he teaches and he is my favorite teacher. He has not taught me ever since but over the years we would t...
A. 29 March 2010: No, do nothing. Just say thank you, then say goodbye. To stay in contact is to continue living in the past, and it could leave to complications. He is a teacher, you are a student, and that's how it should be and should stay. I know you like him and ... (read in full...)
I think I should break things off but I'm just not sure how to.....
Q. So I have some major relationship problems. Firstly, we live in different states, 2000 miles a part. We have known each other for over a year now. I've met her a fair amount of times. And I'm going to keep this story sparse, but we argue all the ...
A. 29 March 2010: You live in a different state 2000 miles apart, she's starting the arguments, she's a control freak, she's jealous, she likes only her own way and expects you to pay for everything. You don't think you love her, and you don't consider her ... (read in full...)
Some help with the 'no contact' rule after a break up
Q. OK my girlfriend dumped me 3 weeks ago now. We've been going out for 3 years and she's very dear to me. For the first week I was doing nothing but trying to remain in contact with her and making the mistake of begging and pleading with her but with ...
A. 29 March 2010: Let her go. You're hanging into this when you need to be moving on. No contact means you need to now end all contact. That's it. ... (read in full...)
Each time it happens he says that he's sorry! Now he's done it again!
Q. so my boyfriend has hurt me in the past in terms of flirting with women, he tells them that he wants to be with them, calls them baby, asks them if he can come over, wants to get stuff for them and more, (never had sex with them though that i know)! ...
A. 29 March 2010: Move on. He won't change, and he's failed you on several occasions now. Time to move on to someone who is better. ... (read in full...)
Should I get back together with the ex I love but don't trust?
Q. Hi All, I've been dealing with this decision for some time now.. sometimes I feel I've made up my mind, then I come undone and feel confused again. I was with my ex for 3 years, we had a break as I felt he needed time to sort out his issues. Dur...
A. 29 March 2010: No way. Not only has he hurt you, but he's deserted his child. What happens if you get pregnant? This guy just wants to eat all the cake. Let him go, or forever be hurt. ... (read in full...)
I gave my guy friend some relationship advice and now my boyfriend thinks I'm cheating on him
Q. ok i really love this guy and hes my boyfriend but then a couple of days ago i talked to another guy and he told me about his relationship problems and gave him advice and he is only a friend that i gave advice to and my boyfriend doesn't believe ...
A. 29 March 2010: I'm not sure you should be going out with this guy. He sounds really insecure and possessive. He has no reason at all to suspect you're cheating. All you did was give some advice. If your boyfriend is getting worked up about this, then you're in for ... (read in full...)
Saw bruises on my brother that he won't explain ...
Q. My younger brother (13) is staying with me for a few days and yesterday I noticed he had bruises on his lower back and I think they go lower but I couldn't see. It looked like he'd maybe been whipped with a belt but I'm not sure. I asked him about ...
A. 29 March 2010: With boys, they don't open up until they feel totally secure within themselves. Just be there, but don't push him into talking. Watch how he acts, and listen to him when he does talk. And talk to your mum about it too. ... (read in full...)
Can anyone explain why I feel guilty?
Q. Right i wrote here before regarding my alcoholic ex boyfriend who smashed my windows and how he was awful to me. well idiot me got back with him and he got worse and worse he has smashed every window in my house cut the sky cable and just been ...
A. 28 March 2010: For a woman to feel this way, even after all that she has suffered, usually indicated a serious lack of esteem.
Take a look at your life. Are you happy with it? Have you got low confidence, or low esteem? Do you feel like you need to be need... (read in full...)
My molester is going to be at this dinner. Should I go?
Q. today me and my boyfriend will be going out to dinner along with his mother and brother it was all payed for his brother's company. ok here is were it get's interesting i found out last night that my mother whom i dont get along with will be there ...
A. 28 March 2010: Don't go, and tell your husband exactly why. Your mother is (and no disrespect) one of the most appalling women I've ever read about. And as for him, he should never have been let out. I'd say that you'd be better not going. I know some have said ... (read in full...)
If you really loved me, you would do this ...
Q. I met my boyfriend about 10 months ago and he lives about and hour and a half away. I spend all my free time with him..which is every saturday and days during the week... and love him very much. he asked me to move six months after dateing and I ...
A. 28 March 2010: Seriously, leave him. This is controlling behaviour before you've even moved in. Imagine what will happen when you do move in! He'll be telling you what you can do, what clothes to wear, where you can go, what friends you can have (if any). Yo're ... (read in full...)
Why is she lying about snogging him?
Q. Me and my friends have this thing that you should never go out with a guy if one of your friend s like him Like this includes snogging. I recently found out that One of my friends Broke this thing with a guy i Really like and whats worse she's ...
A. 28 March 2010: Because she's not that nice. I wouldn't really say she's a friend. I'd say she's a very jealous girl. Maybe you would be better off meeting new people and phasing her out of your life. ... (read in full...)
My Stepmum has been critical of me lately, would it just be better if I left?
Q. Okay so here's the problem. My step mum and dad have been together for about 7 years, they were married 4 years ago when i was 11/12 i didn't really mind, so long as my dad was happy (he and my mum had split up when I was 2 and he hadn't had grea...
A. 28 March 2010: I think you should try talking to your Dad about how you feel. It can be very hard being the teenager in the middle between step parents and real parents. But please also remember that it can be hard being the step parent. Your Step mum is probably ... (read in full...)
I want to move, but I'm not sure that my BF and his kids want to come with me...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and half. We live together with his two children. I want to move, but I am not sure he wants to come with me, what do I do?...
A. 28 March 2010: You'll have to ask him how he would feel about moving. You won't know how he feels unless you talk to him about it. So sit down with him and ask him how he would feel about moving. ... (read in full...)
He said his Dad is in the hospital - is he lying and just changed his mind about me?
Q. ive currently going out with a guy i havent met yet (i know this sound stupid) we met on a iphone app and started chatting. i asked him to send a pic of him posing with a spoon to prove it was him and we been texting ever since. yesterday(saturday) ...
A. 28 March 2010: He may not be lying, but it may indicate that there are a lot of problems in his life right now. Maybe this is a guuy to let go. ... (read in full...)
Do guys get excited when they get a little thigh action?
Q. Do guys get excited when they are touching a girl's legs? Especially the upper part of the leg?...
A. 28 March 2010: Yes!... (read in full...)
Don't tell me to get over her - how do I get her back?
Q. Met this girl online over 3 years ago and fell in love. She's perfect for me, the most wonderful girl I've ever met in my life and never have any of my physical relationships before her been as wonderful as my relationship with this girl. We would ...
A. 28 March 2010: But she's said she's not ready to settle down, and wants to find someone else to date, which leads me to suspect she already has someone else in mind. There is no getting her back. You can't sit there and tell us not to say move on, because that's ... (read in full...)
Why did he start a conversation, only to ignore me half way thru it?
Q. hiya im 17 On thurs night i went to a party n got with this guy who i had been talking to for the past 6 months on and off, there being a definate spark. He wouldnt leave my side and held my hand. But was very into 'going somewhere else' ...
A. 28 March 2010: He could have fallen asleep, or could have been called away and didn't turn his computer off. Though to be honest, he could have said something. So unless he makes a real effort, keep it slow and maybe let him go. ... (read in full...)
I called him up and a girl answered.
Q. is he playing me or what? ok so me and my bf has been together for 18 months, he was my first everything. i truly feel like he loves me. he does the littlest things that make me feel special, all though he is in a different state he still...
A. 28 March 2010: Ask him. No one else knows what it could be. It could have been a friend, though it is a long shot. Truth is he very well might be playing you. But I think the best thing to do is ask. ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and found out he's got another girl pregnant too
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years and we decided to take a break last october, I got pregnant in December by him.Im 13 1/2 weeeks now and I just found out he has another girl pregnant right now she is about 7 weeks.what should I ...
A. 26 March 2010: A child should feel special no matter what. Just because your boyfriend got another girl pregnant doesn't make your own baby any less special. If you're measuring a baby on how special it is against how bad you feel that your boyfriend cheated, then ... (read in full...)
I'm jealous about his ex, and he lies
Q. So i have this issue with my boyfriends ex girlfriend. i am very jealous of her and im not sure if it's because he lied to me about her or because she seems so much better then me. He said he regrets dating her but it just seems like he doesnt. she ...
A. 26 March 2010: Well at first, I wondered if she had made it up. Right up to the point where you said he confessed. He didn't just lie a little bit. He lied a lot and made her out to seem bad.
First of all, dump him. He's a liar, and you can't trust him at all.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is upset wont tell me whats making her upset
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend who I'm deeply in love with. We've been dating for about 7 months now and have had our ups and downs but recently, just a couple of days ago, she got really moody towards me; answers my ...
A. 26 March 2010: Hmm, there are a few different reasons. If she actually said she thinks it will hurt you, then it could very well be that she cheated or something like that, or that she wants to end it. Of course, there is no proof of this.
She could also be ill ... (read in full...)
Made a mistake losing my virginity -- will a guy who wants someone pure ever love me?
Q. Well i am a 17 year old girl who made the mistake of losing her virginity to someone she isnt going to spend her life with.I regret it and now i dont know how my future husband will take it and have fear he wont love me the same way as if i were a ...
A. 26 March 2010: A guy who is pure and good and genuinely loves you will accept you as you are now. No one is perfect, and a good guy won't expect that. He'll love you just the same.... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so sad all the time?
Q. Do you think that it's normal to feel sad most of the time? sometimes i'm happy not always. i feel a sadness inside that i can't get rid of. it feels like i'm dead already. i try to keep a happy face 4 my kids and family... but deep down i just want ...
A. 25 March 2010: Sounds like depression of some sort. You've had four children, so it could be a form of post-natal. Or it could just be that you#re suffering from clinical depression from something in your life that is bothering you. Whatever it is, it would be a ... (read in full...)
Is he too old for me or should I continue to pursue him?
Q. Hi, I'm 14 in May and i really really like this guy in my school but he's 18 in August so there's four years between us, plus he's leaving school soon. I asked him out once and he said he would - IF i was his age. We're really good friends already ...
A. 25 March 2010: To be honest, yes. And he has told you so too. I think it's best to move on for your own well being and for his. ... (read in full...)
Not been on a date for aaaaaaaages and need some advice guys!
Q. Readers, tomorrow I am going on my first date since splitting with my bf of 9 years in Aug '09 (after I discovered he was cheating on me), and I am terrified and need some advice, please! We met via an online dating service (never thought I'd use ...
A. 25 March 2010: 1 - Stop worrying so much.
2 - Make sure you remain safe at all times in public places, and make sure that at least one friend knows where you're going.
3 - Wear what you feel comfortbale in. A man likes a woman for who she is. So if you're a... (read in full...)
Does my best guy friend like me?
Q. Hello. So, I was wondering if my best guy friend likes me? We get along so well. We're constantly chatting, laughing, and having a good time together. We make a lot of eye contact, sometimes during class we'll randomly look at each other, or he'll ...
A. 25 March 2010: Yes, I think he does like you. But he might be confused about how you feel so won't make a move. Therefore, you need to be brave and tell him how you feel. That's the only way to be sure about how he feels about you. So ask to meet up and talk to ... (read in full...)
Why did he make this comment to me?
Q. last night my boyfriend made a freaky comment to me. i was lying down and when i got up i said im starting to feel like an old woman because i was aching, he turned and said "your body is taking its toll being pregnant" and i turned and said dont ...
A. 25 March 2010: He was either teasing you, or he was secretly worried that you are pregnant. If you did have unprotected sex, get yourself checked out. Some women have been known to fall pregnant and still have their period (though this is very rare)... (read in full...)
Should I tell him the truth or just I say he tripped and fell?
Q. Me and my brother had a big argument and I lost it and pushed him down the stairs (I know this was wrong). This knocked him out he has no memory of it, the doctor said he probably won't regain the memories. Should I tell him the truth or just I say ...
A. 25 March 2010: I also agree that it's best to tell him the truth. Sometimes memories can come back. ... (read in full...)
Should I contact her to express my sympathy?
Q. I have recently found out that an ex-girlfriend of mine, her father died last July. When I went to qualify this information that I was given, I also found out that her mother had died 3 years ago. I have very fond memories of her, although we have ...
A. 25 March 2010: I think it's best to leave her in the past. I know the others have all said it would be nice for you to say something, but she is an ex, and though you have great memories, you've both moved on. Best to leave it. ... (read in full...)
I fell asleep on her and am really embarrassed about it. How do I approach her now?
Q. Last night me and my girlfriend were watching a film and I fell asleep on her. Anyway I woke up on the sofa under a blanket. She left a note saying 'good to see you found my company so interesting, sleep well babe". I'm really embarrassed and I ...
A. 25 March 2010: Say hi. Then say that you're really sorry about falling asleep while she was there and then say you'd like to make it up to her. ... (read in full...)
My husband says I do not please him sexually. I'll try harder,... but what should I do?
Q. Hi I'm having an problem with my huzzie....Our problem is in our early year or two married i use to lie to him alot and the reason for that is that he never wanted me to do anything for my self or go anyway things like that he never liked me to go ...
A. 25 March 2010: Leave him. Seriously, this man will just abuse you and hurt you. He doesn't love you, he just wants control. ... (read in full...)
I love him but he is a stoner and I wonder if there is better for me out there
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years. I love him so much and the thought of him not being in my life or being with someone else breaks my heart. Our relationship is really good sometimes -meaning we get along so well and have a blast ...
A. 25 March 2010: Plenty better out there. Why settle for someone who is on drugs and will have problems with sex, paranoia (eventually), tiredness, anger, addiction etc, when you can have someone who doesn't have one of those problems. You know in your heart you can ... (read in full...)
How many partners has he had?
Q. Readers, I have this fascination with each boyfriend i have ever had, to ask about past relationships. with my latest bf i asked him numerous times how many women he has slept with. each time answered is a different number sometimes less and some...
A. 25 March 2010: Drop the subject. He doesn't want you to know. ... (read in full...)
I feel trapped; I want to leave but he makes me feel bad them I end up staying! What can I do?
Q. Ok so there's been so much going on in this relationship. I'm 22 and my bf is 21. We've been together for two years and lived together for 1. Ever since being with him I lost alot of my friends and family. So at the beginning of our relationship I ...
A. 25 March 2010: He's an abuser. When he's next out, why don't you just pack a suitcase and walk out? Or if you have one friend, take them along with you and just dump him. Have some support ready. If you don't have that, then as soon as he goes out, walk out. And ... (read in full...)
I haven't been able to bring him off?
Q. Hello people Ive been seeing my new guy for about 2 weeks ,we have slept together and hes never cum when doing anything what is all this about?? I no he does smoke weed and is always drinking down the pub ive just never experienced it with any ...
A. 25 March 2010: He may not be relaxed, or it's more likely that the weed is preventing him from climaxing. Whatever it is, it's not you. ... (read in full...)
An affair that has destroyed me
Q. *OP's own title* won't go into the details the affair lasted over a year. We were caught four months ago. My husband wants to fix our marraige I don't. All I CAN think about is this other man. Will I ever get over this. Feel so alone. My heart is...
A. 25 March 2010: How do you know he wasn't in a committed relationship? You say he has a partner who he doesn't live with. That could be a lie. ... (read in full...)
Would a relationship like this be wrong?
Q. Hey guys, I like this guy and he likes me. Thing is he's a teacher and I'm nearing the end of my 1st year of college. He's also a lot older than me. My questions are: 1. Would a relationship with him be legal? We didn't admit our f...
A. 24 March 2010: 1 - Totally illegal. You're a student, and you're you're under 18. That's completely illegal and he can get fired and jailed.
2 - No legal thing on age gaps so long as you are both of age.
However, in this case it won't happen, because I refer yo... (read in full...)
He's tight with his money! Am I being petty here?
Q. Iv been seeing my fella for nearly 8 months now and he says he loves me, he works as a banker yet i feel he's a bit tight with his money.When i needed a new mobile phone i didn't ask him to buy me one but he did....it was off ebay and second hand.He ...
A. 24 March 2010: I do have to say, for a man who probably earns a lot, he is tight. I think you do have a point. Even poor men put more effort in. You mustn't allow yourself to be treated like second best. ... (read in full...)
Would you consider me a slut/slag/hoe???
Q. hi, well im a 16 year old girl and i have 3 boys im messing with, i haven't had sex with none of them but other stuff... they dont want a relationship with me and neither do i with them. do you think im a slut? Be honest! i just want to know if ...
A. 24 March 2010: Not really. Lots of people do this kind of thing. But you're feeling unsure of it, which means deep down this is not something you want to be doing. So slow down, stop seeing these three guys and wait for the right one instead. You'll feel a lot ... (read in full...)
This boy may like me or he just doesn't care.
Q. I'm a girl of 14 and I really like this boy in my school. He tells me he likes me as well but I get the idea that he's leading me on. My friends think he likes me but I'm still not sure. He even called me boring last night but will not tell me why! ...
A. 24 March 2010: Yes, he likes you. But get him to do some chasing. Be harder to get. If he likes you, he can do some running. If he doesn't do some running, leave him in the past. ... (read in full...)
An affair that has destroyed me
Q. *OP's own title* won't go into the details the affair lasted over a year. We were caught four months ago. My husband wants to fix our marraige I don't. All I CAN think about is this other man. Will I ever get over this. Feel so alone. My heart is...
A. 24 March 2010: You were used by this other man for sex and nothing else. You have to let him go. He's not coming back. He just used you to escape the problems he has in his own relationship.
Address your marriage. If you want to divorce, do it.
Then look ver... (read in full...)
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