| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Will I be able to conceive in the future?
Q. I am 21 year old girl, will i be able to conceive in near future? I started masturbating at the age of 10 and my periods started at the of 17 and they are not even regular, i take medicines but they are not regular. So will i be able to ...
A. 20 March 2010: Of course it's not embarrassing. Believe me, the doctor will have seen and heard just about everything. I am positive if you tell him you are just worried that you might not be able to conceive that he will be able to help. ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girlfriend I want to try sex with a guy???
Q. How do I tell my girlfriend I want to try sex with a guy?...
A. 20 March 2010: You don't. You're either committed to her, or you're not. If you want go experiment, then you must leave her first. Don't tell her this though, it will hurt her.... (read in full...)
I don't want to hurt either of them...
Q. Ok, so im a 15 year old girl and i have a problem. i like 2 guys. the first one is so sweet and funny. i wont say love... but the strongest feelings i've ever had for a boy are for him.. its not just a little crush. Boy number 2 is amazing. alth...
A. 20 March 2010: Neither are right for you. Boy number 2 is just second best. Boy number 1 is untouchable. So neither boy is right for you. Continue to move on from both of them. ... (read in full...)
Husband cheated and got girl pregnant!
Q. what to do? i'm a christian, but am so confused. married 12 years and he cheated on me and got this young girl pregnant. he wants to stay with me, but how am i supposed to deal with him being involved in another child's life that isn't mine!!? we ...
A. 20 March 2010: According to the bible, the only reason a man and woman can divorce is when one or the other commits adultery. You now have that reason. And apart from that, I am sure that no God would a person to live a lie or to live unhappily.
The point is, ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about the consequences of breaking up with my boyfriend....
Q. So, I don't know what to do anymore regarding boys and such... I've been dating this one guy for a couple months now, and to be honest, he took it really fast. I don't really know why I didn't stop him and tell him to slow down. But he's been really ...
A. 20 March 2010: First of all, you have to remember that any decision he makes after you split from him are his own decisions. This means that if you split, and he does something, it's not your fault. If your boyfriend isn't making you happy and is just getting on ... (read in full...)
Will I be able to conceive in the future?
Q. I am 21 year old girl, will i be able to conceive in near future? I started masturbating at the age of 10 and my periods started at the of 17 and they are not even regular, i take medicines but they are not regular. So will i be able to ...
A. 20 March 2010: Only a doctor will be able to tell you whether you can conceive or not. So if you want to know, it would be better to speak to a doctor to be sure. ... (read in full...)
She has cut off everyone in her life for her fiance, am I right to be worried about her?
Q. so I had this friend who I became good friends with. She met this guy and he and her hit it off. I was so happy for her. You see, i'm 22 and my friend is 19. Her boyfriend is 18. well, months went on and she stopped talking to ALL her friends. Then ...
A. 20 March 2010: No, you're not being paranoid. But it's no longer your problem. I know that sounds harsh, but if she has cut you and everyone else including her family out of her life, then this is something that you need to move on from. Sometimes, people have to ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's best friend seems hellbent on replacing me with some other guy, am I right to be worried?
Q. Is my worry justified when my girlfriend is hanging out with her best female friend and the guy who her friend seems hellbent on replacing me with? ...
A. 20 March 2010: As long as your relationship is a happy one, and as long as she is happy, there should be no problems. ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do anymore, should I move on?
Q. hi everyone i live with my boyfriend and think that he is really immature because i just caught him watching porn in the living room when i went to sleep. we haven't had sex in like a week and everytime I try to make love to him, he rejects me and ...
A. 20 March 2010: Leave him. It's not even worth talking about, because he's already looking at other woman on the internet. A man who makes you feel bad is not worth your time. ... (read in full...)
Lost, don't know what to do?
Q. Hi, I've been married for 17 years. There is a 12 year age gap between me and my husband. At first it did not seem to matter, but now he has turned 50 and has no teeth, i'm struggling. I have had 2 one night stands in the past and felt very g...
A. 19 March 2010: You drawn to this other man, as you were to the other two men, because they show you the affection and care that your husband doesn't. But the answer is not in affairs, because ultimately if and when you're found out, it will be you who looks bad in ... (read in full...)
We want each other REALLY bad but we don't feel good about breaking our "lovers'" hearts.
Q. It's been about a year and a half since my ex and I broke up. We had been together for 3 years, and I had a crush on him since the age of 12. Last September I moved away to college, and met a new guy who is just amazing. I fell for him within a...
A. 19 March 2010: Neither guy is right for you. You and you're ex couldn't make it work before, so it won't work now. And this so called 'amazing' guy isn't really anything to you because you actually spoke to your ex. End it with both and focus on your own life. ... (read in full...)
Completely in love... but is that enough???
Q. I have been with my Fiance for 3 years we have an 18month old daughter and due to be married next year. i love him very much and he treats me like a princess. i have recently started a new job under the same sector as my fiance and i have to come in ...
A. 19 March 2010: If you love your fiance, then end contact with this other man now and go home and focus on your relationship. This could just be you trying to regain independence, as you are a mother and are due to get married, both if which are stressful and time ... (read in full...)
Just found out he's in a relationship... and I really thought he liked me.
Q. I am a college student,i just started a new semester. I met this guy "Jake" who is simply amazing. We've had the class together for about 2 months, and it seemed like he liked me. We have almost absolutely everything in common. We make each other ...
A. 19 March 2010: I think he just wanted you as a friend. I'm sure he does like you, but it won't go any further as long as he has a girlfriend. For your own sake, it might be worth pulling back a bit from him.... (read in full...)
I trust him but he won't stop talking with her...
Q. This might be a bit long! I've been dating my bf for 10 months and everything has been great and I love him. But about a month or 2 ago his ex gf of 3 years started messaging him acting depressed and talking crap bout me. There were a few times ...
A. 19 March 2010: Tell him straight right now that he either chooses you or him. Don't take another moment of this. If he won't cut contact, just dump him. Don't stand around waiting for it all to change, and don't be second best. Tell him it's you or her. ... (read in full...)
Where do I fall in his list of priorities?
Q. I asked my boyfriend where am I on his priority list he says I'm #3... I wish I was #1. He is #1 to me. Is that unfair? For me to be unhappy about being #3 on his priority list? ...
A. 19 March 2010: It depends on the circumstances. If someone is ill in his family, or if right now he's struggling for a job or something like that, then naturally he will be more preoccupied with that. However, if you're number 3 in comparison to his friends and ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be branded "the guy with the ugly girlfriend!"
Q. My friend said the girl I'm dating is ugly. I've only been on three dates with her, but I am attracted to her even though most of the attraction isn't from her looks. I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend, but now I'm scared other people will ...
A. 19 March 2010: If you can't accept her for who she is, and you won't tell your friends that you love her and it doesn't matter, then end it now. Nothing gets in the way of love. To you, she should be the most beautiful woman on earth. If she's not, just end it. ... (read in full...)
Is a few years apart such a big deal?
Q. My ex and I have been on and off in our relationship for the last 5 years. I met him when he was 19 and I was 26 and despite the age difference we were instantly attracted to each other and have been friends and lovers ever since. Lately there has ...
A. 19 March 2010: Move on. This has been an on/off relationship for 5 years, so it's not really committed anyway. He's not ready to settle. You seem to be. If he was the one, and really loved you, then you would both be together. Move on, before you find that you've ... (read in full...)
Is it me that has issues with men?
Q. Im 40, My parents got divorced when I was 5years old. And I havent really been close to them my whole life, don't get me wrong, I still talk with them and see them but its just not a close nit family. Ive been married twice, my first marriage ended ...
A. 19 March 2010: It's not that you have issues with men, it's that you seem to be attracted to the wrong type. That will have been caused by your parents divorce. Perhaps you don't look high enough for yourself. You have been hurt in both your marriages, because the ... (read in full...)
He insists that I send him nude photos and that I talk dirty, but I'm not that kind of girl!
Q. im in a relation ship with this guy. He is a sweet guy for the most part but 2 things he always wants me to send him a nude pic and i really don't mind that much but he is always asking and the second reson is he wants so talk dirty over text all ...
A. 19 March 2010: Tell him straight that you won't do it. Any guy who pressures you into doing something you don't want to do is not worth your time. So if he's acting like this, think very carefully about whether or not you should be with him. Don't stand for this ... (read in full...)
She thinks she is pregnant but we always use condoms, I'm nervous, any help?
Q. hi i am 18 years old and just started having sex a couple of months ago with condoms but my girlfirend is saying that her period has been late three weeks and her boobs hurt and she is urinating a lot and she thinks she is pregnant but we always use ...
A. 19 March 2010: Well, first of all, she needs to get tested. That's he very first thing that needs to be done. I would recommend that she gets tested. Condoms are 97-98% effective, so there is always a small chance of pregnancy if it goes wrong. She needs to get ... (read in full...)
Everything in my life seems to be going wrong, and it's all my fault.
Q. I need advice. Everything in my life seems to be going wrong, and it's all my fault. Firstly, my student loan wasn't taken care of properly, and lots of mistakes were made(their fault, not mine) resulting in me not getting it... My mum has been ...
A. 19 March 2010: I know this feeling. It doesn't go away quickly. I lost my job a while back, and couldn't' find another. Now I own a company. the problem is that it looks like it's going to fail.
So you're not alone.
1 - Tell your parents immediately what has... (read in full...)
Help!!! Is he REALLY over his ex???
Q. My bf had trouble getting over his ex and it wasnt easy for me. He told me recently that he still loved her for the first year we were together not that i hadnt already guessed it was somethin like that! He seemed ok now though and a few months ago ...
A. 19 March 2010: My thoughts exactly. I'm not really sure he's over her either given that reaction. If he was, he wouldn't have cared at all.... (read in full...)
How could he honestly say that he didnt love me, it just doesn't make sense.
Q. Almost 2 years ago, i contacted an old school friend. We chatted on line and hit it off straight away. We ended up swapping numbers and used to text and talk constantly during the day. We both have long term partners so this as often difficult but ...
A. 19 March 2010: You have walked into the trap. It makes perfect sense that he should say that, because he means it. You were an outlet for the unhappiness of his relationship. You were used, in other words. This is an emotional affair, and rather than focus on his ... (read in full...)
I'm angry with myself for liking him when he seems more interested in my friend.
Q. I fancy one of the boys in my year and it seems that he may fancy me too. But obviously, there's a problem. Everyone teases him that he fancies one of my friends. They're very close. She has a boyfriend and claims that he's like a brother. He's als...
A. 18 March 2010: You're not stupid for fancying someone. I'd suggest that your friend does know that she strings everyone along though. She seems like a bit of a drama queen. If you think he fancies her, then you need to steer clear. You don't want to be second ... (read in full...)
My mum and dad are breaking up and I'm in shock!
Q. I'm 21 years old, and despite my age, the news today that my mum is leaving my dad (after 34 years) is really hurting me. My mum said that she can't take any more and she deserves better - and that she waited until I was old enough for it not to ...
A. 18 March 2010: You can feel as sad as you need to. No one will stop you. And you're allowed to talk about it all as well. I think it's worth speaking with both her and your Dad about how you feel. Of course it's come as a shock. In many ways, perhaps even more of ... (read in full...)
Help! Psycho Single Father Is After Me!!!!
Q. I have an ex boyfriend who has 4 kids, he cheated on me and had 3 more. I left. I have a new boyfriend, and my ex refuses to move on. He uses his 2 oldest kids to tell lies on me, writes to my boyfriend and my family, he even calls the cops and ...
A. 18 March 2010: Keep every letter that he passes through to you as evidence. Then take it all to the police and file a complaint. As much evidence as possible. All letters to your boyfriend, you, ny emails, texts. Everything. ... (read in full...)
Another threesome story... should I do it?
Q. Help my boyfriend asked me if I would be willing to have a threesome. I am not attracted to women, but I would do anything to stay with him. We have a 6 year old son together, and he is the love of my life. I offerd to turn a blind eye and let him ...
A. 18 March 2010: Don't it. 'I'd do anything' is selling your soul, usually for no reason. You'll end up very hurt. ... (read in full...)
He fell asleep on me during sex. Should I have said what I did?
Q. Me and this guy started out like 5 months ago... we are both very busy people, and just get to see each other after 12pm or on weekends, since he works at morning and I work on evenings. He sometimes picks me up from work and we go est something. ...
A. 18 March 2010: No. I think you are right for saying something. What is the use of having sex if all he does is fall asleep?... (read in full...)
How do I stop my dad changing my brother into someone who disrespects and abuses women?
Q. Our parents are divorced and my brother (14) visits our dad for twice a month. I don't see him but he is having a negative effect on my brother. He is becoming really sexist and says things like men should give women a "good slap" if they disobey ...
A. 18 March 2010: Ask him why he thinks it. Every single time he says something, ask him about it.... (read in full...)
Why is my dad doing this?? should I continue to live at home
Q. I am starting uni september next year and my brother who's away at uni says i should stay at home and attend uni.. that i would be able to buy a car and drive there because he stays on campus at uni and university life is very expensive. but my da...
A. 18 March 2010: No harm in getting a bit of independence. I think he's just making sure that you can fend for yourself. It's all right having all the qualifications in the world, but you need to be able to live for yourself too. I never went to uni (not my thing), ... (read in full...)
What does his behavior mean? He sounded excited to see me.
Q. I dumped my ex cos i realized that he was just using me for sex cos every time we were together he'd insist on having sex Even if i wasnt in the mood. he was really aggressive and i didnt feel loved so i told him it was over. we are still friend...
A. 18 March 2010: He was nice to you so he could get into your place. Then he showed his true colours, and all the reasons you dumped him first time around. He is controlling, jealous, insecure and selfish. You cannot trust him. Never again let him into your place, ... (read in full...)
Sister came on to me...drunk. What should I say to her?
Q. She'd been to a party and came home really drunk and she grabbed me and started kissing me. She then said I was her baby brother and that she should show me how to fun with a girl. She then tried to pull my shirt off and I had to wrestle with her to ...
A. 18 March 2010: Truly, say nothing. But clearly never be around her when she's drunk again. And if it does happen again, tell her. But this time around, say nothing and let it go. ... (read in full...)
Husband walks out while we are on vacation. Should I put the effort in to stay with him?
Q. Hi, I am a 32 y/o woman who has been in a relationship for the past 6 years and I am totally confused as to whether I should leave my fiance or or not. I really need some help with this. My fiance can be quite controlling and aggresive toward...
A. 18 March 2010: If he is controlling, it won't get better. It will get worse. And there are other things as well. This is a man who obviously has problems with control and may have narcissistic tendencies. If he was willing to desert you in a foreign country over a ... (read in full...)
Men, Please help me feel better about my boyfriend's past!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating a few months but have already fallen in love. We're both 21. Recently we made the mistake of discussing each other's pasts. I'm a virgin, but he has been with one girl 2 years ago. He questioned losing it to her...
A. 18 March 2010: He loves you, he is with you, so yes, it's very special to him. And that's the way you have to look at it. He is with you because he wants you, and that's all that counts. ... (read in full...)
I value your opinions here... Does he want more?
Q. I have known my dear friend "Larry" for over 10 years and we have a great relationship. We are both single and using this time to grow closer to God. Lately, I'll send him a simple "good morning" or "how was your day" text message and he responds ...
A. 18 March 2010: I think he does like you. A lot. But the only way to be sure is to talk to him. So you have to be brave and talk to him. ... (read in full...)
She has asked if she can have "meaningless sex" with my brother!!!
Q. Hello. I am 32 and have been involved with a 22 year old woman who's marriage has been pretty bad. We have grown close to each other and she tells me she wants to be in an open relationship with me. We have only been physical a few times and Im ok ...
A. 18 March 2010: Dump her right now. She's married, yet she's cheating with you and other men, and even wants to do it with your brother. 100% get rid of her now. ... (read in full...)
Is my partner bored with me?
Q. Hello my name is Reyna and I am just so tired of my boyfriend making me feel like I am just a toy to him cus he treats me like a toy. He makes me feel so bad and he only treats me right when i straighten my hair when my hair is curly. He doesn't ...
A. 18 March 2010: Because he's controlling. I think your best bet is to move on now. Measure a man by his actions. His actions say that he doesn't love you enough. You can meet someone better, who will not control you. ... (read in full...)
Stupid drunken one night stand decisions!
Q. Okay i had a one night stand last night with this guy i met in a bar. I was really drunk, he was really sweet and we made out for a while before heading back to my place. We had sex, twice, both times without a condom and before he pulled out ea...
A. 18 March 2010: To get over something, you must learn from it. Learn a lesson from this. Do not get so drunk that you put your health in jeopardy and always have condoms in your bag ready. The only way to get over something is to learn from it. so learn from this ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my ex about my new boyfriend without hurting his feelings?
Q. I've got a great boyfriend thats there for me all the time and i can talk to him about any thing. I've even told him that i still stay in contact with my ex what he's fine with that as he knows nothing will happen. My ex on the other hand dont know ...
A. 18 March 2010: Just leave him to it. He says he doesn't ever want to talk to you again? Fine. Don't. Refrain from living in the past and move on towards your future. ... (read in full...)
My work colleague is self-centered and tough to work with! Advice?
Q. Hi all, I need to have a moan about my colleague. She's only been with the company 7 months and in that time she has already applied for a senior role- which she didn't get, thankgod! She is really argumentative amd cause alot of problems. Our ...
A. 18 March 2010: This is a woman with severe insecurity issues. So maybe you could try just talking to her and finding out about her. She is longing to be liked, and understood. So try to understand her, and then maybe you will like her. ... (read in full...)
(Specially for the MEN) Why should he act like that?
Q. So there's a guy who liked me.. Then after a year of not getting any prospective respond from me, he maintained to have a new relationship and now he's just got a girlfriend. What i really don't understand is.. Whenever he saw me he seems sooo ne...
A. 18 March 2010: It means he still likes you, and that he now finds it all a bit awkward because he has a girlfriend. Say nothing to him, and just maintain a friendly relationship that goes not further.... (read in full...)
How do I stop my brother becoming violent like our dad?
Q. My dad hit me and my brother when we were very young. When he was angry because we had been talking too loudly or because we disagreed with him. My brother (13) has punched me twice in the last week just because he was annoyed, this is exactly what ...
A. 18 March 2010: Tell your mum. She might respond differently to it being your brother. Failing that, look at your brother and tell him that he is beating you like your own father did. Failing that, you must call an abuse line and tell them you are being hit by your ... (read in full...)
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