| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Should I cut off all contact with him and ruin a potentially good friendship?
Q. I'm 28 and I've just come out of a six month relationship with a lovely man. The main reason we broke up is because I was suffering from really bad depression and I used to act irrationally and pick arguments with him a lot. I broke up with him over ...
A. 15 March 2010: I'm not sure he did. Love takes time to truly develop, and he didn't allow time. I think he was in love with you, but I don't think he gave it a chance to develop. ... (read in full...)
I'm fed up with my boyfriend not trusting me!
Q. im 15 and i have a 16 yr old b/f and he treats me like a queen buys me anything, nd always by my side but he doesnt trust me for what reason idk b/c im never cheated b/c im not that type of person. we been together for 2 yrs now nd im really geting ...
A. 14 March 2010: You're 15! You do not need this hassle from this guy. He buys you all those things not out of love, but out of control. He thinks the more he buys, the more he is entitled to control you. Don't fall for the old 'but he's really so nice' thing. He's ... (read in full...)
He's going into the army and I sooooo don't want him to go...
Q. My boyfriend is going to the army soon, i really dont want him to go because i know things will just mess up when he's gone. My mates are begging him to stay and i do like every day! I'm going to be really upset when he goes, i know he will see me ...
A. 14 March 2010: You have to let him do what he wants to do. All the asking in the world will not make him stay. If he wishes to join the army, then he must do it. Of course you're going to be upset. I'm not sure how old you are (you say you're 36-40?), but I'm sure ... (read in full...)
Why do guys look at other girls?
Q. why do boys when going out with girls look at other girls? does this mean that they do not truly love their girlfriend?...
A. 14 March 2010: Why do girls look at other boys?
The same reason. That's what males and females are programmed to do. You'll find that you do it. It doesn't mean we don't love our girlfriend. ... (read in full...)
Move and chance losing him or stay and try something?
Q. About a month or so ago I got out of a bad relationship, it was turning into a controlling one and I didn't realise until I was out. At the same time it was ending, I started speaking to this guy. After a week I knew he was something special. He ...
A. 14 March 2010: It is worth the move. You will resent it if you don't move and in the future this doesn't work out. Much better to move countries and see where that leads. ... (read in full...)
Should I cut off all contact with him and ruin a potentially good friendship?
Q. I'm 28 and I've just come out of a six month relationship with a lovely man. The main reason we broke up is because I was suffering from really bad depression and I used to act irrationally and pick arguments with him a lot. I broke up with him over ...
A. 14 March 2010: Yes, cut contact. Your belief that he might come back is well and truly unfounded. He won't. If he loved you, this was something that you could have both worked through. As it is, he decided to end it. You're not silly to think that things might ... (read in full...)
My wife is getting a better deal with a group of swingers
Q. hi a few months back my wife and i went on an oversea holiday with 2 other couple. one we knew (well thought we knew well) and the other we had been out with a few time. Both the other couples at som 5 to 8 years older that us too. whilst o...
A. 14 March 2010: Tell your wife that what happened abroad happened, and you don't want to continue with this. Don't be pushed into doing something you know very well is going to cause you a lot of pain. ... (read in full...)
He's playing me against my friend!
Q. ok i really don't know what to do. so i'll start from the beginning. there is this lad that has liked me for 4 years and we recently ended up together he was really sweet and told all his mates that i was the one and we had a great time, but we ...
A. 14 March 2010: Ignore him, he's an idiot. And just continue to reassure your friend that you're not interested in him.... (read in full...)
Do all guys masterbate?
Q. This is just out of interest, but is it possible for a guy to reach 25plus without whacking off? ...
A. 14 March 2010: Some guys do stop. Most don't. ... (read in full...)
He said he can't leave his girlfriend for me. Should I continue what we have?
Q. Over a year ago I met my boyfriend. We are both divorced with kids. We slowly started dating (I was afraid to start because of the difficult previous divorce)after a half a year we became serious and then he announced to me that he has a live-in ...
A. 14 March 2010: Yes he's playing with you. Why would he dump her when he can have both. You're not the only woman to fall into this trap. If he loved you, he would be with you no questions asked. As it is, he's just using you and her. Dump him and find a nice ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my girlfriend I told her secret to my mother?
Q. Hey. Me and my girlfreind are very close, I love her very much and would never want to hurt her, I really just want to take care of her and I really, really dont want to lose her however I have done somthing which I feel guilty about. She told me ...
A. 14 March 2010: No, don't tell her. You needed advice from someone, so you told your mother. She will keep it a secret. Don't say anything.... (read in full...)
Does she want me to wait for her? Should I just move on?
Q. So its been 3months after the breakup, after the breakup i tried so hard to get her back and all i got was i needed space and i dont want a relationship.So its been 3 months. I kept close to her, and everything is okay i guess? We text at night, and ...
A. 14 March 2010: Neither do I. You don't want to end up wasting your life over a girl who clearly doesn't really know what she wants. I would move on if I were you. ... (read in full...)
His family didn't like me and now he doesn't talk to me anymore. What can I do?
Q. I have or had a boyfriend and a partner in love, I thought he was. we were suppose to get back together, after being apart for 6 months. He is living with his son and I with my mine. He has all our belongings in a storage facility. He is the only ...
A. 14 March 2010: I'm afraid it's time to move on. For whatever reason, he has decided he's not the guy for you. So now you need to move on with your life.... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with my boyfriend? I don't know if I'm ready.
Q. Ok so i am a person who think that is wonderful. But yet i am still a virgin. I dont know what it is but i want sex so bad. Some people tell me that if i have to think about then i am not ready. Because me and my boyfriend have been together for ...
A. 14 March 2010: Certainly if you're still unsure, then you're not ready. And I don't think you're old enough legally either. Take your time and really think. There is no rush.... (read in full...)
How do I ask her out? Is this email good enough?
Q. hi im 17 years old and for the ast id say 2/3/4 months i have been speaking and texting a girl that i have met at college. i really really like her more than ive liked any girls in the past actualy she is the first girl ive kindov fallen in love ...
A. 14 March 2010: I know one thing about asking a woman out. Ask her to her face. Even if you get a 'no', you still look better than having done it through an email or something like that. If you want her, then tell her to her face that you like her (don't use the ... (read in full...)
What can I do about his controlling father?
Q. My boyfriends dad seriously controls his life. He's 18 and we can't sleep in the same bed and his dad controls weather we hang or not.. What should I do ...
A. 14 March 2010: If your boyfriend is 18 and is still being controlled, then you need to think about moving on. He is an adult, and he needs to stand on his own two feet. If he can't, then this relationship is going nowhere.... (read in full...)
She contacts her guy friends non stop. How do I deal with this annoying habit?
Q. Ok, I dated this Girl back in highschool. And of course highschool being what it is in todays world i was cheated on. Well life goes on and here i am. We dated and once she graduated She moved Down state to me. We got engaged, Once she got bac...
A. 14 March 2010: Let's be fair, she did get rid of all those ex's first time around. Now she has new male friends. You can't expect her to get rid of her friends. However, that said, you do need to talk to her, because she does seem to be rather more bothered about ... (read in full...)
Stuck between a contract and the love of my life.
Q. I need help, I'm stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea because I am in the course of getting refered for bipolar disorder and one of the problems it causes with me is mood swings which cause me to go into a verbal rage i'm never violent, and ...
A. 14 March 2010: Yes send it. You weren't told to stay away, so send it and try to speak to her again. Remember though, if she gives you a second chance, not to lose it again. Or you will lose her and the kids.... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want me anymore.
Q. Hello every one ,I have some problems with my husband, he doesn't want to come home anymore .We had a big fight, and he left me alone in the house for 2 days and didn't give any phone calls. After that fight, he make me a ticket ,and he want me ...
A. 14 March 2010: Yes, your husband is trying to manipulate you. So go to a lawyer, find out your rights and take him to court. I think you'll find you do have rights since you are married to him.... (read in full...)
Any worries with anal sex.
Q. I am 26 and have been with my partner for 8 years, for the past few years we have often been having anal sex as well, although I was apprehensive about it at first and thought it was a bit wrong I do enjoy it, I have mentioned it to a few friends ...
A. 14 March 2010: If you do it too often, you can damage the muscles. So be aware of that,... (read in full...)
Graduated and now engaged to my former teacher. How do I tell the world?
Q. In a nutshell, my junior year of high school I had an intense "crush" on my English teacher. My senior year I didn't have him as a teacher but we still talked every day. Towards the end of the year things seemed weird between us. He was upset a lot ...
A. 14 March 2010: You just have to come clean. There's not easy way to do it. You just have to sit down and tell your parents. Pick the easier of the two, and talk to them about it. ... (read in full...)
Birth control pill's effectiveness.
Q. hey agony aunts and uncles. i recently sent in this question but for some reason it didnt get posted so im going to try again lol! im on the pill microgynon 30 at the moment, my boyfriend and i have been having sex for nearly 2 months now. i started ...
A. 14 March 2010: It's 99% effective against pregnancy. Just remember that it does not protect against STD's and won't be effective if you're ill. Other than that, you should be perfectly fine.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend leaves me behind far to often.
Q. I really just need someone to talk to...but heres my question! its spring break and ive stayed home from the beach for a couple days cause ive become sick! My boyfriend who i thought would come over and take care of me decided hey im gonna go to ...
A. 14 March 2010: He's still a young guy. He won't be nearly ready enough to settle down. And let's be fair, it's not his fault you're ill. I'd suggest that you gently tell him you're upset he didn't stay with. Sometimes men need a gentle reminder that they are ... (read in full...)
Should we get back together? Does she want me back?
Q. I lied to my ex a month ago that's why we broke up we decided to be friends hung out a few time at first Just friend. We made a few drunken mistakes here and there and fooled around every time she get drunk she tells me I love you and trust to get ...
A. 14 March 2010: You need to talk to her. There is no point in doing all this unless she open up to you. You don't want to end up being strung along. I think you should talk to her again. If she still just wants to be friends, then it would be better for you to move ... (read in full...)
How do I know who's the dad???
Q. How would I know who's the dad if none of them want to do a DNA test? I was due on March 2nd and the two days I did it were Junee2 and June 6....
A. 14 March 2010: Get a lawyer to petition the possible fathers. The court will force a DNA test. Then you will know.... (read in full...)
Swinging... Can it happen without things getting messy like jealousy etc?
Q. My new girlfriend wants to swing with another couple she and I consider friends. I am very turned on by the the thought of this but worry about the aftermath. The other couple suggested it to my girl so everyone is on board. Has anyone ever done ...
A. 14 March 2010: Very rarely does it work out. You only have to read some of the posts on here. I wouldn't recommend it.... (read in full...)
Should I be worrying about pregnancy, even though I'm on the pill?
Q. Hello everyone! I am on the first cycle of Yaz which is a combination pill, and yesterday my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time and we used a condom. I am a perfect user - never missed a pill, so we had that extra bit of back up just in ...
A. 14 March 2010: The pill is about 99% effective, condoms are about 97%. Both of them together are very efficient. And if one does fail, chances are the other won't. I'm positive you're over worrying. ... (read in full...)
Did I change so much that I'm not my own person?
Q. So I have been with my man for 3 years I love him so much and literally want to spend my life with him. However a girlfriend of mine told me that I have changed since I have been with my man. I always knew her and my man didn’t get along but the...
A. 14 March 2010: Not to put a fine point to it, but maybe he's done you some good. You've stopped smoking, you don't drink as much. And you're not so 'crazy', as she put it. There is nothing wrong with you going out, but with the other respects it actually sounds ... (read in full...)
Can I get another mortgage while my wife is still living in the house we own?
Q. I am seperated from my wife, she is living in the house we jointly own with our children , she pays the mortgage and all he bills . my name is still on the mortgage as I have a finacial interest. Can I get another mortgage whilst I still own the ...
A. 13 March 2010: If you have the money to, yes. You must have the money to cover all payments though, and you will need a large deposit.... (read in full...)
Did I change so much that I'm not my own person?
Q. So I have been with my man for 3 years I love him so much and literally want to spend my life with him. However a girlfriend of mine told me that I have changed since I have been with my man. I always knew her and my man didn’t get along but the...
A. 13 March 2010: Has she told you how you've changed?
I ask that, because it seems more like she is jealous than anything else. Your friend has essentially said she hates your boyfriend, yet hasn't given a reason, and now says you've changed, and hasn't told you ... (read in full...)
He didn't see a future for us, but I'm miserable without him
Q. I have been involved with someone for almost a year now. We dated for a few months, that stopped because of work. We also worked together and he was promoted and became my superior. We stopped the relationship because of this. A few months ...
A. 13 March 2010: When it broke down first time around, that was the sign. He tried to make it work, and decided he wasn't the guy for you. Clearly you're going to miss him if you've only been broken up for a few weeks. But now it's time for you to spend time on your ... (read in full...)
Someone is telling my "truth or dare" secret
Q. i`m so annoyed we played truth or dare in art ( me and some friends) and i told them something which is quite personal which i didn`t want to get round school. i told them that my ex boyfriend simon has seen me naked. which is true and now i found ...
A. 13 March 2010: There is nothing you can do. This is why you should never tell someone secrets you don't want anyone else to know. Never trust your friend with a secret again, and be brave. If it does get around, it will die down. ... (read in full...)
Do I leave my new life behind for her?
Q. Hey guys, I moved to Australia from England 2 years ago. My (now) partner was my best friend in the UK. She came to visit me, and we decided to take the relationship to the next level and we started dating. We had a long distance relationship...
A. 12 March 2010: Let her go. I say this, because overall, if you give up your life in Australia for her, and it goes wrong in Britain, you will really resent her for it. Where you are now is the first best bet for the rest of your life. You have said yourself that ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend forced me to swallow.... what to do?
Q. I love my boyfriend very much; however, he did something very mean last night. He knows I do not swallow, I HATE it! Makes me want to gag, not really the taste, but the feel alone. Anyhow, I let him do other stuff to me, facials, pearl n...
A. 11 March 2010: Not to put a fine point to it, but when someone forces you to do something you don't like, and they know you don't like it, it's time to move on. You were extremely open minded, and he didn't respect that. You should leave.... (read in full...)
Is he leading me on and taking advantage of the fact I like him?
Q. I've got a problem with this boy i REALLY like. It might sound like one of those pathetic middle school crushes but i'm definitely not in middle school and this is not a crush. I like this guy and so does my best friend. But he told his best f...
A. 11 March 2010: Maybe he's just really shy. I'd suggest that you actually tell him you like him to his face and see what he says. He might be confused given that you did kiss that other guy. Men do get confused easily by female signals. You may have given all the ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting or is he a bit odd??
Q. Hi, I met this guy via the local community (he is a community beat policeman) when I was having some problems and he asked me out for a drink so I went. He seems quite nice in some ways if a little 'weak'. However apparently he has quite a temper ...
A. 11 March 2010: It's important that you leave now. This is a sign of a VERY controlling, unstable man who has serious issues. Not to put fine point to it, but you're the ELEVENTH woman on here who has asked about her policeman boyfriend's behaviour. It would appear ... (read in full...)
He's too lazy to get up and feed our son!!!
Q. hey i need some advice, my fiance wont get outta bed to feed our 2 month old son! we both do a night feed each as i do all the child care, he only does one feed in 24 hours and thats one of the night feed. since iv had my son iv had to do nearly ...
A. 11 March 2010: I quite agree with marieclaire. If he's not bothered, he can go live with his mum. Make sure you have some good friends and family around you and tell him to get his act into gear or get out. ... (read in full...)
He wants us to take a break but I want to work things out...
Q. So i have been with my boyfriend for about 11 months a year next week. He has done some things to me that i have not quite forgiven him for, i am happy to be with him but the thing is we fight a lot, mostly every day mostly on my part on little ...
A. 11 March 2010: You kind of walked into that one when you said that you wanted to break up. The reason being, that's the one thing that will make a man think. He will either suddenly make a huge effort, or will revise all his thoughts about where everything is and ... (read in full...)
Would most guys pull any girl that’s interested? Or are they more particular than that?
Q. Hey. When it comes to girls, I’d like to know where guys draw the line. Would most guys pull any girl that’s interested? Or are they more particular than that? The guy I fancy reluctantly said that he’d pull me and I keep on catching his eye at s...
A. 11 March 2010: Guys are very particular. Unless they literally just want sex. When a guy really likes you, you'll know because he will make a real effort. If he likes both you and your friend, then he doesn't like you enough. ... (read in full...)
I'm worried I might be pregnant after I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 3 weeks!
Q. hey, so I've been with my boyfriend for 3weeks now and we are falling for each other fast. But I think I'm pregnant and I'm scared that this will ruin things because it's so soon. I was a virgin when I got with him and I lost my virginity to him t...
A. 11 March 2010: Well, you need to take a test and find out if you're pregnant or not. That's the first step. So go back to the doctor and explain what has happened. Get tested.... (read in full...)
Horrible love triangle and I just don't know who to choose!
Q. Hello Everyone, I desperately need some help Ok so here it goes, I have two guys who I love and both love me back. I do not know what to do. It all began about 5 yrs ago. I married my high school sweetheart (#1). I thought it would be forever...
A. 11 March 2010: Stick with this husband of yours and work things out. You can't just run away from problems in a marriage. You need to work on them. Guy 2 is making things happen too fast. The problems you have with your marriage now, will be the same you have with ... (read in full...)
Why on earth would a woman appear to be interested in a man and then suddenly ignore him at all costs for no apparent reason?
Q. About a month ago I started working with a woman and became very interested in her. For three weeks we were BOTH very friendly around each other and flirted frequently. She appeared to be interested in me (laughed a lot at what I said, very positive ...
A. 11 March 2010: I suspect you've been led up the garden path, as the saying goes. Her flirting was nothing more the friendly, and I suspect she realized you liked her and didn't want it to go further. Best to just move on from her.... (read in full...)
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