| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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How do I stop my brother becoming violent like our dad?
Q. My dad hit me and my brother when we were very young. When he was angry because we had been talking too loudly or because we disagreed with him. My brother (13) has punched me twice in the last week just because he was annoyed, this is exactly what ...
A. 18 March 2010: Tell your mum. She might respond differently to it being your brother. Failing that, look at your brother and tell him that he is beating you like your own father did. Failing that, you must call an abuse line and tell them you are being hit by your ... (read in full...)
Would I be imposing if I went to the funeral?
Q. I've been with my BF for about 7 months. I've met his family and we're quite serious. I met his grandmother last week and I've just found out that she died yesterday. My BF told me about her funeral and then said 'you're welcome to come.' Was...
A. 18 March 2010: 'You're welcome to come' is the male way of saying 'I need you there'. So yes, go. ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to talk, I don't. How do I gently tell him no?
Q. Hi, My exboyfriend contacted me last week (through email) and asked me to get together personally so we can talk. We broke up three years ago. Then I would've been very interested in talking to him, not now. There were things about the past I...
A. 18 March 2010: Just don't respond. That's the best thing to do. It leaves him with nothing to work on.... (read in full...)
Is virginty that important?
Q. My friends make me feel like still being a virgin is something to be ashamed of. most if not all have had sex before and whenever they bring it up they always make it sound like whoever hasn't yet is either ugly or an outcast...it's not like i ...
A. 17 March 2010: In ten years time, when you're with someone you really love, and who you know loves and cares for you, you will feel great that you did not lose your virginity to someone who didn't care at all. In ten years time, they may well regret it. So what if ... (read in full...)
He told me to move on, he wasn't interested
Q. Hi Have known this guy for the past 4 years - told him how i feel about him from the start - use to phone and speak for hours and chat online nearly every night. He lives about 4 hours from me. Have met up on a few occasions. Over the years w...
A. 17 March 2010: Because he isn't interested. I know you like him, but he just isn't interested. The best thing you can do is totally move on from him. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend spread a secret around school
Q. I told my boyfriend, whom I tell everything to, that my best friend was pregnant. I assumed that he would keep this a secret, like he does with anything personal I share with him, but found out that he told his friends at school. My Pregnant best ...
A. 17 March 2010: You told him though. Works both ways. If you're looking to punish him for it, just forget it. It won't work. No man in the history of the world has been bothered by so called 'female punishments'. We just get bored, and that's when our minds start ... (read in full...)
So many guys want my girlfriend, its so hard not to get jealous when guys are flirting with her all the time!
Q. well, i really need some good advice around now, mostly from guys since i havent had a father figure in my life for years now. i met what to me seems like to be the most amazing girl in the world. we have been dating for months now, and she actually ...
A. 17 March 2010: You are pushing her away because of this. She will start to think you don't love her. The fact is, no matter how many men flirt with her, she is with YOU. That's all you ever have to remember. Of all the men, she is with you. That's it. You don't ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to say no to being her daughter's godmother because my friend has never bought my son anything?
Q. my bestfriend and I been friends for over 10 years good bad happy and sad. I had a beautiful baby boy in 2006 and of course she is the nanny. My son is 4 years old and she hasn't did anything for him haven't brought nothing ! I can only recall her ...
A. 17 March 2010: You don't become a Godmother expecting things for your own child. That is not part of the deal. The idea of being a Godmother is out of love and nothing else. If you are expecting anything in return, then it's not for you.... (read in full...)
I cant break up with my boyfriend but I could not turn down the chance to be with the guy I have liked for years either!
Q. okay i started to date this guy jj out of symphathy cause no one likes him and this weekend i started to hang out with this guy i had feelings for like a year ago, and well we clicked and he asked me out and i could not say no and i can't break up ...
A. 17 March 2010: Young lady, it's time to wake up. You have a choice. Dump JJ now, and go with this other guy, or leave this other guy. You cannot have both. Cheating is wrong, and if you do it for no reason, you will look terrible in the eyes of others, and no one ... (read in full...)
How do I stop myself getting back with my cheating boyfriend?
Q. my boyfriend cheated...how do i keep myself from geting back together with him?...
A. 17 March 2010: Cut all contact. No meetings, no texts, no emails, no facebook. Get rid of photos, letters. Everything. Then look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself whether you want to mean nothing to a cheating man, or something to a nice guy. ... (read in full...)
I want to quit my job but have to work to pay off my husbands debts from his previous girlfriend.
Q. I love my husband very much. But, I am totally disgusted with my life. I hate my job (used to love it until I stepped on someone in authority's toes and have been nitpicked to death ever since) and I want to quit. My husband does not want me to ...
A. 17 March 2010: It is not your job to take on his debt, especially after he screwed up. Look for a job elsewhere. Don't waste your life slaving away at a job you hate to pay off debts your husband incurred. That is not your problem. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants nothing to do with me because I kissed his mate.
Q. Hi, i have been in a relationship for nearly two years now and even though im only young know he is the one for me. I am totally in love with him and no one else could make me happier. Recently, i went out to a club and had far too much to drink and ...
A. 17 March 2010: Nothing. You have to wait for him now. He might decide that he wants you back. He might not. To have kissed his best friend was a huge mistake. Now he will feel betrayed by you and him, the two closest friends he had. If he wants you to leave him ... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to spend more time with me instead of playing videogames?
Q. My boyfriend is sucked into his videogame, how do I get him to spend more time with me? I've talked to him about it but he doesn't seem to change his habits.Is it impossible to change men?...
A. 17 March 2010: It is almost impossible to change a man. To change a man, he must want to change. Your boyfriend is just spending time on the video games. You've already spoken to him about it, and nothing has changed. Now it's ultimatum time. It's either spend ... (read in full...)
It seems I am the outlet for his negativity despite us both having affairs!
Q. My husband had an affair last year with a woman he was working with. He is no longer working with her but still has contact with some aquaintances. Initially it lasted about 6 months. All of this time he made me feel worthless and I now know that he ...
A. 17 March 2010: All you can do is continue with that marriage counselling. Don't allow yourself to be bullied by your husband. You have both had affairs, but in fairness, he has yet to accept his full share of the blame. I understand why you had the affair, though ... (read in full...)
Is he cheating, or is it all in my mind?
Q. when i met my now husband..he was into all the online *women*...said it was because he was in a bad relationship at the time..we got together ..and when we was apart ..and i was pregnant with his child..he did it again said he was *lonely*..i gave ...
A. 17 March 2010: He could be suffering from depression and not want to say anything to you. But if he has been online before, then there is a chance he is up to his old tricks. But you need more facts before you can confront him, so dig deeper and see what you find. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want sex, does this mean he finds me unattractive?
Q. hello im 19 and my boyfriend doesnt want sex does this mean he find me unatrative?...
A. 17 March 2010: If you haven't had sex before, then he could be scared. If you have, then something's wrong. None of this means you're unattractive, and it doesn't mean it's your fault either. ... (read in full...)
Is it a bad idea to see this guy if he is acting like this?
Q. I met a guy just before Christmas.. we were seeing each other quite intensely for a few weeks, but then I went to Thailand for a month. I cam back from Thailand, we saw each other once and then after that I didnt hear from him again, which was...
A. 17 March 2010: To be honest, I wouldn't bother with him. He didn't bother with you for three weeks. Then suddenly he called and wanted you to go to his? Sounds like he just wants sex and nothing else. I wouldn't bother with him.... (read in full...)
Guys, ... why do you watch porn?
Q. A question for all you guys out there... Why do you watch porn even if your sex life is brilliant? why do you feel the need to watch some random girl when you have your girlfriend? Do you know how it makes normal, non-plastic women feel when the...
A. 17 March 2010: I used to watch porn until I actually found a girlfriend I was truly happy with. Since then, I've had no need to watch it because I'm really happy. Most use it purely as a very quick relief. It does not in any way affect how we feel about the woman ... (read in full...)
I think I want my ex back, but he is with someone else now. How do I get over this?
Q. This is kind of complicated and will sound very contradicting on my part. I started dating my ex 3 years ago. While it started really well, as many relationships do, a few months into it, he cheated on me. I found out, confronted him, we spent a few ...
A. 17 March 2010: You DO NOT want this man back. He cheated and hurt you, and the best decision you made was to leave him. Do not linger on the past. You will regret it. Nothing will have changed. He won't suddenly be a different man, and all those problems you had ... (read in full...)
Can someone offer some more perspective on my situation? My husband blames me for his problems
Q. I have been married for 10years and with my husband a total of 20years. Because of financial problems our family (3kids) had to move in with his parents 2 years ago. He started staying out all times of the night and sometimes not returning at all. ...
A. 17 March 2010: This is a classic. He made bad decisions in his life that have landed him where he is, and rather than admit to them, he chose to blame you because he can't face the reality that he and he alone has screwed up. I'm so glad that you saw the light ... (read in full...)
Will allowing my wife to sleep with other men get her through her mid life crisis?
Q. My wife has came to me with the idea that she wants to sleep with other men. She is madly in love with me and our sex life is incredible. She has been chatting online with other men and has lined up her first "dude" for this Friday night. She is ...
A. 17 March 2010: No it won't. Don't let her do it. If you do, it will ruin your marriage. Tell her if she wants to sleep with other men, she can divorce you first. This is just about her being selfish. ... (read in full...)
Should I keep the dog I'm allergic to or risk losing my boyfriend?
Q. I am in a moral dilema but it is affecting my health and I don't know the best way to handle this. I have been in a relationship for some time now and three years ago I acquired a dog through some emotional blackmail from my daughters and my b...
A. 17 March 2010: What is the point in being with a man who doesn't' care you have an allergy? If I were you, I'd leave.... (read in full...)
My ex texted wanting another chance
Q. Well to make a long story short I have been on and off with a guy for about 2 years and he is in college he has done me wrong before and made plenty of mistakes so I ended it and was plannin on endin it for good... Well I started liking someone new ...
A. 17 March 2010: Go for the new guy. Your ex is unstable if he's wanting to marry you without addressing the serious issues that there were before. He has failed you, do not go back to him.... (read in full...)
She's perfect, but is going with a friend
Q. I'm about to win the award for most rediculous post ever. So the most perfect girl of my dreams walked through my front door. Problem is she had a boyfriend who is friends with my friend. He's a really nice guy. Yet, I could not have ordered a m...
A. 17 March 2010: All I cab say is don't do it. You stand to lose a friend, you stand to make a complete idiot of yourself. And at the end of it, if she's willing to do the dirty on your friend, she will do it to you. ... (read in full...)
Been single for a year -- what do guys look for?
Q. I've been single for a year, I haven't even had the tiniset bit of attention from the opposite sex. It's really getting me down to the point that I cry and m moody all the time, all my friends have boyfriends i'm the only one without now. Help, What ...
A. 17 March 2010: Each guy will like different things. But if you have confidence in yourself, that will be a giant step. One thing men can sense though, is that a woman who is becoming desperate. Becoming moody and crying is something that may make you seem ... (read in full...)
Love my boyfriend by have feelings for my friend
Q. i have a boyfriend and we have been in this relatonship for almost a year now. but i cheated in him once and i never told him anything about it. i think that he suspect it but im not sure. but now i have a friend who i have gotten really close to. ...
A. 17 March 2010: I will tell you now you do not love your boyfriend. You just don't. If you did, you wouldn't have cheated, and you wouldn't be thinking about cheating now. You don't love him. You have him there for comfort. Please, for the sake of your boyfriend, ... (read in full...)
I love her and want to forgive her for cheating
Q. Well my ? to everyone is.. i have a girlfriend that ive been with for about 10 months.. and she had cheated on me in the begining of are relationship and soon stoped when she relised we had something seriose.. but she has told me she is sorry and ...
A. 17 March 2010: See, I'm of two minds. Half of me says that you should dump her and move on to someone who won't cheat.
The other half says that she has come clean, and certainly appears to have stopped it. She certainly appears to be sorry for what she has done... (read in full...)
Didn't want to appear clingy, which backfired
Q. So me and this girl are getting rather serious. Today she asked the question "If i kissed another guy would you be jealous" I didn't know what to say. So i decided to say "No i wouldn't mind" because I didn't want to appear clingy. But now she is ...
A. 17 March 2010: Ah yes. Welcome to the interesting world of women. You've just become the walking cliché. You said something because that's what you thought she wanted to ultimately hear. She didn't, of course. What she wanted was for you to say that you would be ... (read in full...)
I feel like I've lost my daughter
Q. Hi Guys, I'm posting in a real state of distress re one of my daughters. She has been going out with in appropriate guys since she was 16 and is onto her third boyfriend now who is pleasant enough but unemployed and seems to depend on her for ...
A. 17 March 2010: Sometimes we have to let people make mistakes. You haven't lost her forever. But for this moment, it is clear she must be allowed to make her own mistakes. Her insults mean nothing, because they are based around her own selfish interests. Young ... (read in full...)
In love with a drug dealer
Q. i want to be with a guy who i love and he loves me. the only thing that is stopping me be with him is the fact he is a drug dealer. i want to be with him so badly and very tempted to give it a try despite knowing the concequences if im in the wrong ...
A. 17 March 2010: Let me put it this way. What if you have a child, and the social services take it away because they think it's unsafe?. What if he gets you hooked on drugs? What happens if he gets arrested, and you lose your house, car and life? What happens if ... (read in full...)
Husband drinks, and I'm attracted to someone else
Q. I have been married for 5 years, and lately I have been REALLY unhappy and torn. My husband is a binge drinker on the weekends. He ignores me often, and can be very verbally abusive after drinking. I feel like 10% of the time I'm really happy, ...
A. 17 March 2010: Walk from your husband. You have tried everything, and it hasn't worked. It's no longer your problem. This is something that can't be fixed, because he won't change at all, and has made it clear by not doing counselling or giving the drink up. If ... (read in full...)
Are we having an affair?
Q. This man I work with is very sexy to me. We are both married so everything is off limits. We became cool and we talk about our sex life which is boring on both parts. My husband doesn't do some things I like and vice versa on his end. Anyway, I ...
A. 17 March 2010: Yes. Affairs don't have to be physical. This is an affair. Think about it. If your husband was doing this, would you be happy? No. This is an affair.... (read in full...)
Is it harmless or should I be moving on?
Q. My boyfriend of several years is looking at online dating sites and "classified ads." I have caught him emailing some of the girls and when I confront him he says he is "just looking" and would never do anything. Is it harmless or should I be ...
A. 17 March 2010: Big Red flag. Why would he just be looking? ... (read in full...)
Is this some sort of pre-natal depression?
Q. I really need some help with my problem as I feel like Im cracking up! Basically, Im 26 and 7 months pregnant. Before I fell pregnant, I had always been kind of shy but I had lots of friends and was always going out and doing things. But now, I ...
A. 16 March 2010: I think you are depressed. You're pregnant by an ex, and no doubt that is stressful, and you're in a stressful job too. You've just moved, and have had to buy everything. This sounds like depression, or at the very least exhaustion. I think you need ... (read in full...)
Could I have diabetes???
Q. This has got nothing to do with sex or relationships or anything I just want some opinions on my problem. For the past 3 months or so I have been suffering with chest pains and my skin is so dry and really itchy. I've gained quite a bit of weight a...
A. 16 March 2010: Some symptoms suggest you do, others don't. It's best to go to the doctor and get yourself checked. ... (read in full...)
He doesn't like my friends...
Q. hi I'm 18 years old and have been with my Boyfriend for almost a year now, We get on well, have a laugh together, the thing that ruins it all is that he dont like a lot of my mates, the reason he doesnt like them is because some said i was too good...
A. 16 March 2010: I think your friends are right. I think you are too good for him. He does what he wants when he feels like it, he breaks promises, always arrives late, doesn't make an effort to really see you, doesn't like any of your friends, doesn't like you ... (read in full...)
Is he prolonging picking his stuff up? Does he want me back?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. It has been rough. But he always said he loved me. And I truly love him. We broke up, and he was not calling me. I found out I was pregnant. I told him, and we eventually got back together. I ...
A. 16 March 2010: So talk to him. He wanted a break, not at one point did he suggest breaking up. He has prolonged it a lot, and if a guy really wanted to end it that quickly, he would have had most of his stuff out the same day. Talk to him. ... (read in full...)
I don't have feelings for this guy but he's totally obsessed with me! Help!
Q. Ok so there's this guy i met about a year ago over myspace and my friend cesar knew him too, the guy who i met online lived out of town but he was like completely obsessed with me so him and my friend made plans for him to come down to try to hook ...
A. 16 March 2010: Cut all contact with him. He is unstable and is now causing you grief. Cut all contact completely. ... (read in full...)
How can I help them both if they keep shutting me out?
Q. My 18 year old daughter has been dating her boyfriend Ryan for 3 years. He is a family friend and we have known him since he was just a child. Last year he got mixed in with the wrong crowd and got involved with drugs. He started skipping school and ...
A. 16 March 2010: You know as well as I do that Ryan is big trouble for your daughter. He is a druggie, and I suspect that bruise on her back was from him. Stop trying to help him. He is no longer your concern. Your daughter is now the concern. You can't make her ... (read in full...)
Is it worth apologizing and clarifying things, or is he clearly not interested and should I just move on?
Q. I hooked up with a friend recently and I want to keep doing something no-strings-attached, but he's sending mixed signals. He's always seemed interested, but for most of the time we knew each other I had feelings for other men and basically ignored ...
A. 16 March 2010: I would suggest that you move on. He most likely thinks he's second best and anything you say won't change his mind, because the truth is you preferred his friend and he knows it. The best thing you can do is move on from this now. ... (read in full...)
He refuses to admit he is still talking to this other woman, should I just leave?
Q. Boyfriend texts a another woman and wont stop. I have been seeing him for 2 years. Quite early on in the relationship my phone broke and I put my chip in his phone (in his presence) just to check my messages. I saw many explicit text between him ...
A. 16 March 2010: Leave. I have nothing else to say but that. ... (read in full...)
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